Homeland Security Keeping Our Shrimp Safe

[Fred Steeves]

Here's one you're not likely to see in the news, but I learned this yesterday from friends of mine in the neighborhood who are shrimpers. Or are still gamely trying to be anyway. Already the ever more expensive environmental regulations have all but made it impossible for Florida's traditional, small time shrimpers to stay in business here on the Gulf of Mexico, but now a new law just went into effect Jan. 1, strictly regulating how the shrimp are dispensed once ashore.

At that point right there I interupted and joked: "What, is this a new Homeland Security deal"? Well, turns out it's no joke, Homeland Security is now "concerned" that a shrimper could, without strict oversight, plant a bomb along with the shrimp they are shipping aboard say, a UPS plane. (God bless em, they think of everything don't they?)

The first enactment of this new "security measure", is to have cameras positioned all around the docks, to record everything from unloading, to icing up, boxing, and sending away. This way, atleast if one of these nefarious shrimpers slips a bomb in with a package and the plane blows up, officials can review the tapes to piece together exactly what happened.

But alas, that's not good enough, because that doesn't stop the plane from blowing up in the first place does it? Just to be on the safe side, either a TSA, or NTSB agent must be physically present at all times, besides the cameras, to ensure nothing but good old Gulf of Mexico shrimp leaves the dock.

Just a little inside scoop on how Homeland Security's presence is becoming ubiquitous, ridiculous, and suffocating.

You know come to think of it, just to be on the safe side there should be a TSA agent stationed outside of everyone's home. I mean really, what's to stop Joe Sixpack from loading up the trunk of his car with TNT on his way to the grocery store one day, and instead go blow up the local library. These things can, and should be prevented.(LOL)

[Hip Hipnotist]

Fred, I'm sorry, but you just used a 3 letter terror word, "TNT" on a public forum and I'm afraid I'll have to phone the TSA and have you forcibly removed from Avalon. We do not tolerate such three letter terror word threats here and, if I'm not mistaken, I believe it's in the bylaws.

Oh, wait a minute! I just used another 3 letter terror word, "TSA!"

Someone wanna call them and have me forcibly removed!?

'Cause I ain't goin' peacefully!

[SilentFeathers]

Next time I eat shrimp I'll forget about them being saturated with Corexit and instead inspect them for mini IED's in their tail sections!

[Flash]

Wow, I can see the shrimping briberies starting. Where theres is too much control, bribery starts to those in control (of camera, the guards, etc). TSA will equate the biggers briberies going on after a while, you will see, I predict...

And if I am not mistaken, this is for shrimps GOING OUT of the gulf, not coming in. So the proof in the pudding, this is not to protect America, since the shrimps are going out, but to control America. Only government agents are allowed to get the bribes.

[Fred Steeves]

And if I am not mistaken, this is for shrimps GOING OUT of the gulf, not coming in. So the proof in the pudding, this is not to protect America, since the shrimps are going out, but to control America. Only government agents are allowed to get the bribes.

You know what was interesting though Flash, when I just spoke my mind to the guy and said Homeland Security was never meant for terrorists, but for people like him and me, he didn't even bat an eye and said "yeah, I know". I'm pretty sure this couple is not savvy in the conspiracy realms, but they can certainly see what's becoming blatantly obvious.

[RUSirius]

It would be easier just to give the shrimp a title and a badge and let them police themselves, they may be just as effective as the rest of the "titles with badges"

[Flash]

It would be easier just to give the shrimp a title and a badge and let them police themselves, they may be just as effective as the rest of the "titles with badges"

May be we should capture and tag every single shrimp in the Gulf to make sure that when they swim around in the oceans they do not carry with them anything leading to attack on American soil (not sea, but soil). The shrimp may start breathing air and walk around.

[RUSirius]

It would be easier just to give the shrimp a title and a badge and let them police themselves, they may be just as effective as the rest of the "titles with badges"

May be we should capture and tag every single shrimp in the Gulf to make sure that when they swim around in the oceans they do not carry with them anything leading to attack on American soil (not sea, but soil). The shrimp may start breathing air and walk around.

EXACTLY! Someone really needs to get busy with this and do something or else there could be some serious problems in our near future, sounds like just a challenge for the global governments, and a better use of their energy.

[Fred Steeves]

As an after thought, and all kidding aside, it occurs to me that this is simply one example of stumbling across one of these suppressive laws that continue to be implemented, but never announced. How many thousands of others are quietly being slipped into place, with only the affected locals knowing about them?

According to the ancient Chinese proverb we sould be thankful, and I am, because we certainly do live in interesting times.

[ThePythonicCow]

Sounds to me like an other aspect of something serious going down in the Gulf of Mexico ... an excuse to monitor coastal operations closely with cameras and DHS agents.

[Fred Steeves]

Hmmm, there's a thought...I talk to them just about every day, so I'll keep ya'll posted with any further updates.

[Operator]

I see opportunities here .... we cannot have all that flammable kerosine in those planes too. Far too dangerous!
Perhaps we should let them fly on electromagnetic anti gravity propulsion ... :p

[Kristin]

Hmmm, there's a thought...I talk to them just about every day, so I'll keep ya'll posted with any further updates.

I think that's a very useful thing to do Fred!
From the Heart,
Kristin

[Lost Soul]

Shrimps are composed of atoms aren't they? Aren't atoms the key ingredient to that "thing" dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki? Well then, it makes sense to me that shrimp should be kept out of our nation and that we should be grateful to our ever vigilant protectors of Homeland Security.

[WhiteFeather]

Good thing im a vegetarian. Im sure those shrimp are loaded with lotsa Fukishima radiation and BP crude oil sludge..... Buuurp. Im sure they would still taste good in some nice cocktail sauce.

http://0.tqn.com/d/politicalhumor/1/0/K/U/3/bp-bubba-pump.jpg

[markpierre]

It would be easier just to give the shrimp a title and a badge and let them police themselves, they may be just as effective as the rest of the "titles with badges"

May be we should capture and tag every single shrimp in the Gulf to make sure that when they swim around in the oceans they do not carry with them anything leading to attack on American soil (not sea, but soil). The shrimp may start breathing air and walk around.

Cavity search them. Every one.

Whats to stop the milk bar lady from sneaking something in your shake? Turn you into a suicide milk bomb. Imagine the smell.
What's to stop a farmer from packing explosives up his cattle's a$$ before he ships em out? Maybe some TSA guys should crawl up there and have a look.