dynamo
28th April 2013, 23:21
Why Happiness Is So Hard To Find
Posted on April 26, 2013
The problem is that people are going about it the wrong way: they are working on an incorrect model, to use scientific phraseology.
Most people think that happiness is derived from possessions or surroundings. If I had more of this or that… Or if I was in that certain place, or with those certain people… If he/she would only marry me… I would really be happy. That’s the common perception, heavily reinforced by abusive commercial advertising that tries to promulgate this illusion, solely for the purpose of selling people goods.
In fact some ads are so cruel and twisted that they promote the idea that without the right car (or perfume, or whatever) you are a nobody; no member of the opposite sex would even give you the time of day, never mind allow themselves to love you. Sneering women, with pretend smirks, and the puzzled, exasperated men who are depicted in typical TV advertisements create a picture of a world in which only the unemotional cynic can survive and be “happy”.
Left unanswered is the question which is obvious to me: who would want to even meet—never mind have a relationship with—a woman who would throw your car keys down the drain before walking away without pity?
As for the glamorous environments that the media throw at us, an alien landing from Mars would pretty quickly form the impression that only the top people live in the best spaces and places; those who dwell in modest or lowly homes are—almost by definition—the riff-raff and scum of the human race.
Yet the obsession our culture has with wealth leads absolutely nowhere. Repeated studies have established beyond doubt that once basic needs for food and shelter have been met, wealth and possessions have no influence whatever on the attainment of happiness.
This glaring anomaly is visible to us all and yet no-one pays attention. Is it not clear that the rich and famous are as miserable as the rest of us, in roughly the same proportion? If wealth had any contribution towards happiness, surely the wealthy would be far happier than the rest of us?
Money and goods has nothing to do with contentment. The happiest people I have ever lived with are the indigent population of the Indian subcontinent. Wherever you turn, there are sincere smiling faces and joyful mannerisms. Yet some of these people have barely enough to eat and would consider the smallest burger to be a feast of a lifetime.
They are happy without possessions; why can’t you be?
So What Is Happiness?
Happiness is not about having; it’s really about achievement. If you want to feel really happy, have a worthwhile destination and make steady progress towards it. Happiness is not even about getting to the desired place, it’s about moving meaningfully towards it.
In the words of His Holiness The Dalai Lama, “Happiness is the journey, not the destination.” This is really the only definition that makes any sense, if you check it against your mental maps. There is just one refinement I would make and that turns this pithy aphorism into a [mathematics] of happiness:
Happiness is winning in the direction you want to go. I say winning advisedly, because if there are no obstacles, it’s no fun. But if the obstacles are insurmountable, it’s no fun either. We need a Goldilocks level of challenge that’s j-u-s-t right!
And you know what’s exciting about this? We can choose our level of challenge; we can work with what suits us. A life without problems would be very boring, actually (the idle rich are a study in unhappiness and ennui). So it’s engaging to have to solve constructs which stand in our way. But all the way along, there has to be an end in view which is meaningful to us.
So we need both a destination and the skills to navigate our path and get there, step by step. With both in place, life is a wonderful thrill.
In the meantime, extend your happiness quotient (HQ) by being more contented with what you have got so far. Nothing in the doctrine of acceptance means that you must to abandon progress or ambition; just don’t stress so much about what you don’t have and be more grateful for what you DO have.
Do You Have A Destination In Mind?
It’s remarkable how few people I have encountered, who really know what they want out of life. But beyond the basic needs of food, shelter and companionship, we must lead a higher life than that of our biological animals selves. We need a sense of purpose. Just to survive, as animals do, is not enough to fill the human psyche with any degree of self-worth or excitement.
Per my refined definition of happiness, we must have a destination in mind for our life’s effort, in order to experience full-value emotions. Without somewhere to aim, we are not likely to find our days fulfilling or even tolerable, never mind thrilling.
Oh sure, the occasional treat will show up and we can smile and feel glad. But we will not be in control of our own happiness quotient. To get to grips with feeling good and to stake a claim in the happiness domain, consider the following…
This is my suggestion for a progress formula:
Set a short-term goal towards something you really would like to achieve.
What steps would help you achieve that?
Then sketch in some more steps that would be satisfying and would signify some progress.
Next, decide what long-term goal you would like to establish?
What realistic steps towards that goal could you take, starting right now?
Plan and execute some of these actions.
What possible barriers do you foresee? (this is thinking ahead, reading the road, not being negative)
Visualize your solutions for these likely barriers.
What general slogan or attitude of mind will get you past any unforeseen barriers?
Speak this slogan out loud, until it feels good and solid. Say it to yourself on a daily basis.
The important point, of course, is just to get some movement. Watching television will never get you started on the dream of a college degree. But a visit to the library could do just that, then followed by looking for some way to create an income surplus, so you can start saving.
Don’t let failure slow you down.
That’s something that everyone can agree upon: you’ll NEVER go far without taking a crash or a tumble. It’s par for the course. It is not a reason to quit!
More of that in another blog, coming soon!
This entry was posted in happiness by RenegadeGuru. Bookmark the permalink.
http://www.foodforthemindandfireforthesoul.com/why-happiness-is-so-hard-to-find/
Posted on April 26, 2013
The problem is that people are going about it the wrong way: they are working on an incorrect model, to use scientific phraseology.
Most people think that happiness is derived from possessions or surroundings. If I had more of this or that… Or if I was in that certain place, or with those certain people… If he/she would only marry me… I would really be happy. That’s the common perception, heavily reinforced by abusive commercial advertising that tries to promulgate this illusion, solely for the purpose of selling people goods.
In fact some ads are so cruel and twisted that they promote the idea that without the right car (or perfume, or whatever) you are a nobody; no member of the opposite sex would even give you the time of day, never mind allow themselves to love you. Sneering women, with pretend smirks, and the puzzled, exasperated men who are depicted in typical TV advertisements create a picture of a world in which only the unemotional cynic can survive and be “happy”.
Left unanswered is the question which is obvious to me: who would want to even meet—never mind have a relationship with—a woman who would throw your car keys down the drain before walking away without pity?
As for the glamorous environments that the media throw at us, an alien landing from Mars would pretty quickly form the impression that only the top people live in the best spaces and places; those who dwell in modest or lowly homes are—almost by definition—the riff-raff and scum of the human race.
Yet the obsession our culture has with wealth leads absolutely nowhere. Repeated studies have established beyond doubt that once basic needs for food and shelter have been met, wealth and possessions have no influence whatever on the attainment of happiness.
This glaring anomaly is visible to us all and yet no-one pays attention. Is it not clear that the rich and famous are as miserable as the rest of us, in roughly the same proportion? If wealth had any contribution towards happiness, surely the wealthy would be far happier than the rest of us?
Money and goods has nothing to do with contentment. The happiest people I have ever lived with are the indigent population of the Indian subcontinent. Wherever you turn, there are sincere smiling faces and joyful mannerisms. Yet some of these people have barely enough to eat and would consider the smallest burger to be a feast of a lifetime.
They are happy without possessions; why can’t you be?
So What Is Happiness?
Happiness is not about having; it’s really about achievement. If you want to feel really happy, have a worthwhile destination and make steady progress towards it. Happiness is not even about getting to the desired place, it’s about moving meaningfully towards it.
In the words of His Holiness The Dalai Lama, “Happiness is the journey, not the destination.” This is really the only definition that makes any sense, if you check it against your mental maps. There is just one refinement I would make and that turns this pithy aphorism into a [mathematics] of happiness:
Happiness is winning in the direction you want to go. I say winning advisedly, because if there are no obstacles, it’s no fun. But if the obstacles are insurmountable, it’s no fun either. We need a Goldilocks level of challenge that’s j-u-s-t right!
And you know what’s exciting about this? We can choose our level of challenge; we can work with what suits us. A life without problems would be very boring, actually (the idle rich are a study in unhappiness and ennui). So it’s engaging to have to solve constructs which stand in our way. But all the way along, there has to be an end in view which is meaningful to us.
So we need both a destination and the skills to navigate our path and get there, step by step. With both in place, life is a wonderful thrill.
In the meantime, extend your happiness quotient (HQ) by being more contented with what you have got so far. Nothing in the doctrine of acceptance means that you must to abandon progress or ambition; just don’t stress so much about what you don’t have and be more grateful for what you DO have.
Do You Have A Destination In Mind?
It’s remarkable how few people I have encountered, who really know what they want out of life. But beyond the basic needs of food, shelter and companionship, we must lead a higher life than that of our biological animals selves. We need a sense of purpose. Just to survive, as animals do, is not enough to fill the human psyche with any degree of self-worth or excitement.
Per my refined definition of happiness, we must have a destination in mind for our life’s effort, in order to experience full-value emotions. Without somewhere to aim, we are not likely to find our days fulfilling or even tolerable, never mind thrilling.
Oh sure, the occasional treat will show up and we can smile and feel glad. But we will not be in control of our own happiness quotient. To get to grips with feeling good and to stake a claim in the happiness domain, consider the following…
This is my suggestion for a progress formula:
Set a short-term goal towards something you really would like to achieve.
What steps would help you achieve that?
Then sketch in some more steps that would be satisfying and would signify some progress.
Next, decide what long-term goal you would like to establish?
What realistic steps towards that goal could you take, starting right now?
Plan and execute some of these actions.
What possible barriers do you foresee? (this is thinking ahead, reading the road, not being negative)
Visualize your solutions for these likely barriers.
What general slogan or attitude of mind will get you past any unforeseen barriers?
Speak this slogan out loud, until it feels good and solid. Say it to yourself on a daily basis.
The important point, of course, is just to get some movement. Watching television will never get you started on the dream of a college degree. But a visit to the library could do just that, then followed by looking for some way to create an income surplus, so you can start saving.
Don’t let failure slow you down.
That’s something that everyone can agree upon: you’ll NEVER go far without taking a crash or a tumble. It’s par for the course. It is not a reason to quit!
More of that in another blog, coming soon!
This entry was posted in happiness by RenegadeGuru. Bookmark the permalink.
http://www.foodforthemindandfireforthesoul.com/why-happiness-is-so-hard-to-find/