Spiritual cleansing - Depression?

[myriaddimension]

Dear Avalon readers,

I am writing this post as I have been contemplating for a while about my life. I have been facing a lot of issues, and sort of reached the end of the ropes to be honest. I have lost interest in almost everything, and my depression is back. I am just panicking even though I have everything in life that I should be grateful for, yet I constantly worry that the choices I have made have not been the best and my life path altered due to that very reason. More than ever, I wish to go to a quite place and simply absorb all the feelings I feel. I am not sure if it is clinical depression or a frame of mind I am in, but I wish to simply absorb and explore this feeling in solitude. I have become very judgemental, vitriolic, negative, biased, sad, pugnacious, angry, bitter, and I am in emotional pain; these emotions stems from various reasons as I am a strong empath. Moreso, I have retreated in the dark cave where the level of depression has reached new heights, yet at times it seems cathartic – almost a chemical release – to purify my body. For the first time in my life I have realized that I have a lot of self-reflection to do, and more importantly I have realized the vicious cycle I have created for myself. I don’t even have words for the layers of sadness I am engulfed in. I believed that I knew what depression was and what sadness constitutes of, but this time around I have seen a different side of my personality (the darker side). Worse of all, I have seen how my personality has altered to reflect my inner turmoil and it has changed me for the worse.

The more I experienced life, the more I realized that my life was on a slippery track and I did not how to bounce back. I have had depressive episodes and phases, but now it has become a way of life. I have lost the ability to feel inspire, enjoy happiness, be positive or simply breathe and enjoy a moment for what it is. I feel stressed in my job and it has lost its charm, and going to work simply accelerates my depression; I am not sure if it is my state of mind or the job, or a combination of both. I have lost track of my present, and have lost the ability to visualise my future. I bounce back and make these plans, and the next time I fall deeper into the vortex of sadness, misery, poor me behaviour. This has gone beyond my expectation of what a phase should be, and I really wish to bring my life back to track and this time for good.

I look myself into the mirror and realize the changes I need to make in my life, but I am not sure where to start. Personally, I might not be happy but I am content for now, however my job exacerbates my level of sensitivity and misery, and this is not the first time I have experienced it as I feel like I don’t belong there.

I just needed to write this post to share my experience and express that even through these difficult times, there is a silver lining after all. Maybe depression does help in spiritual cleansing as I have come to understand myself better. Except, it has hindered my personal/professional development and relationships as I flutter from one life experience to next without any commitment as I quickly lose interest and I am not sure how to deal with it. Mostly, I am not sure how to communicate this to my loved ones, because I feel like I have been through this before and I rather deal with myself as I don’t want to be seen as a weak being. Except this time around, I wish to make a conscious choice to take progressively small steps to heal myself, and maybe this post is a way of verbalising my intention. My only problem is that I am not very well equipped to deal with professional settings as I deal with low self esteem and confidence, and this I need to work on. Going to work is difficult for me, yet I do not wish to completely give up on it and quit (mostly because I cannot afford to), but I feel suffocated and stifled in that environment where my free-spirited nature is not understood. I just feel lost because in order to survive in the real world, I need to be able to go with the flow and follow their lead, especially at work as I wish to pursue a career where high level of stress is not only a requirement but expected. So, hopefully I am able to come into terms with my issues as I wish to live a normal and happy life.

The whole point of this post is that I am not sure if this is clinical depression and even if it was, I would not want to be on medication. However, I would like to explore about the various alternative coping mechanisms which would help me deal with day - to - day life activities!

Also - I suffer from low blood pressure (90/60 or 90/50), so I am not sure if LBP is causing depression or vice versa!

Thanks!

P.S - Writing this post has put me into a better mood so I would like to thank the Avalon community. :cool:

[DouglasDanger]

It is not just me! seeing posts from people claiming to feel a positive shift, and I , like you, just get hammered with the negative. I am not saying positive things haven't happened, I am saying that I haven't felt anything shift to positive and remain there, only waves of positive energy that do not last long, One minute you feel good are smiling and riding high, the next it is like you get dropped from a height and slam into the ground. I do not consider myself clinically depressed and I am sorry I do not have any techniques to help you ride these waves out, but I can give you assurance your not the only one in the boat riding these waves up and down. ;)

[Flash]

This seems to be clinical depression. And if it is, it does change the neuronal pathways in the brain, therefore enhancing depression episodes over and over if not treated.

You have a few choices, such as anti depressant to stop the change in neuronal pathways, 5 HTP which enhance the serotonie levels and help allieviate naturally the depressions with tiny bits of naturally produce lithium (beets extracts), these can be let go very easily later on when depression subside.

It could also be spiritual evolution, which is often accompanied by depression. However, you can give yourself a chance to make it through easier.

My opinion only based on my experience, not a medical advice.

[northstar]

I am sure you will be inundated with advice regarding depression, so here is my two cents worth. Take what you like and leave the rest!

While it is true that dark states can be cleansing and cathartic at times, when depression begins to drain happiness out of your day and turns your disposition unpleasant, perhaps it is time to get back in the saddle of your life so you can feel good once more.

There are a myriad of ways to do this but one helpful practice is grounding. One of the common aspects of depression is lack of energy and motivation. One of the nice things about grounding is that it plugs you into the most powerful terrestrial energy source - the Great Mother Gaia.

Here are some grounding practices. :)

http://ukspirituality.blogspot.ca/2011/07/spiritual-practices-grounding-and.html

http://yogini-bliss.com/55-getting-grounded-in-times-of-rapid-change.html (http://yogini-bliss.com/55-getting-grounded-in-times-of-rapid-change.html)

http://mojan.com/content/spiritual-grounding-centering-clearing-protection (http://mojan.com/content/spiritual-grounding-centering-clearing-protection)

[Swanette]

Dear Avalon readers,

I am writing this post as I have been contemplating for a while about my life. I have been facing a lot of issues, and sort of reached the end of the ropes to be honest. I have lost interest in almost everything, and my depression is back. I am just panicking even though I have everything in life that I should be grateful for, yet I constantly worry that the choices I have made have not been the best and my life path altered due to that very reason. More than ever, I wish to go to a quite place and simply absorb all the feelings I feel. I am not sure if it is clinical depression or a frame of mind I am in, but I wish to simply absorb and explore this feeling in solitude. I have become very judgemental, vitriolic, negative, biased, sad, pugnacious, angry, bitter, and I am in emotional pain; these emotions stems from various reasons as I am a strong empath. Moreso, I have retreated in the dark cave where the level of depression has reached new heights, yet at times it seems cathartic – almost a chemical release – to purify my body. For the first time in my life I have realized that I have a lot of self-reflection to do, and more importantly I have realized the vicious cycle I have created for myself. I don’t even have words for the layers of sadness I am engulfed in. I believed that I knew what depression was and what sadness constitutes of, but this time around I have seen a different side of my personality (the darker side). Worse of all, I have seen how my personality has altered to reflect my inner turmoil and it has changed me for the worse.

The more I experienced life, the more I realized that my life was on a slippery track and I did not how to bounce back. I have had depressive episodes and phases, but now it has become a way of life. I have lost the ability to feel inspire, enjoy happiness, be positive or simply breathe and enjoy a moment for what it is. I feel stressed in my job and it has lost its charm, and going to work simply accelerates my depression; I am not sure if it is my state of mind or the job, or a combination of both. I have lost track of my present, and have lost the ability to visualise my future. I bounce back and make these plans, and the next time I fall deeper into the vortex of sadness, misery, poor me behaviour. This has gone beyond my expectation of what a phase should be, and I really wish to bring my life back to track and this time for good.

I look myself into the mirror and realize the changes I need to make in my life, but I am not sure where to start. Personally, I might not be happy but I am content for now, however my job exacerbates my level of sensitivity and misery, and this is not the first time I have experienced it as I feel like I don’t belong there.

I just needed to write this post to share my experience and express that even through these difficult times, there is a silver lining after all. Maybe depression does help in spiritual cleansing as I have come to understand myself better. Except, it has hindered my personal/professional development and relationships as I flutter from one life experience to next without any commitment as I quickly lose interest and I am not sure how to deal with it. Mostly, I am not sure how to communicate this to my loved ones, because I feel like I have been through this before and I rather deal with myself as I don’t want to be seen as a weak being. Except this time around, I wish to make a conscious choice to take progressively small steps to heal myself, and maybe this post is a way of verbalising my intention. My only problem is that I am not very well equipped to deal with professional settings as I deal with low self esteem and confidence, and this I need to work on. Going to work is difficult for me, yet I do not wish to completely give up on it and quit (mostly because I cannot afford to), but I feel suffocated and stifled in that environment where my free-spirited nature is not understood. I just feel lost because in order to survive in the real world, I need to be able to go with the flow and follow their lead, especially at work as I wish to pursue a career where high level of stress is not only a requirement but expected. So, hopefully I am able to come into terms with my issues as I wish to live a normal and happy life.

The whole point of this post is that I am not sure if this is clinical depression and even if it was, I would not want to be on medication. However, I would like to explore about the various alternative coping mechanisms which would help me deal with day - to - day life activities!

Also - I suffer from low blood pressure (90/60 or 90/50), so I am not sure if LBP is causing depression or vice versa!

Thanks!

P.S - Writing this post has put me into a better mood so I would like to thank the Avalon community. :cool:


I am sure you will be inundated with advice regarding depression, so here is my two cents worth. Take what you like and leave the rest!

While it is true that dark states can be cleansing and cathartic at times, when depression begins to drain happiness out of your day and turns your disposition unpleasant, perhaps it is time to get back in the saddle of your life so you can feel good once more.

There are a myriad of ways to do this but one helpful practice is grounding. One of the common aspects of depression is lack of energy and motivation. One of the nice things about grounding is that it plugs you into the most powerful terrestrial energy source - the Great Mother Gaia.

Here are some grounding practices. :)

http://ukspirituality.blogspot.ca/2011/07/spiritual-practices-grounding-and.html

http://yogini-bliss.com/55-getting-grounded-in-times-of-rapid-change.html (http://yogini-bliss.com/55-getting-grounded-in-times-of-rapid-change.html)
ad
http://mojan.com/content/spiritual-grounding-centering-clearing-protection (http://mojan.com/content/spiritual-grounding-centering-clearing-protection)


Hey, thank you Northstar! I was going to reply to MD and say that I have been going through the exact same thing lately but I did not have any advice to give to help. Grounding is the best thing to do and I keep forgetting to use this in my daily life. Perfect advice ! :)

[nenosema]

Alot of the time yes, depression is another way of opening you up to bigger spectrum of spiritual understanding; remembering. And yes, sometimes when you fall back you fall back twice as hard. But much like an blooming flower, the more the flower expands the more of the flower can see.

have you thought about herbal alternatives ?

[markpierre]

'Clinical depression' is a term coined by clinicians. It gives them a reason to be something they are not. I wouldn't get too concerned about
making that distinction for yourself, or letting a clinician make it for you. Unreasonable stress sucks the life out of you. That's just the way it is.
That's depressing.
You might find a bit of solace in the idea that what you term 'the real world' is based on, and maintained by deceit.
What's 'real' about that? No amount of chemical manipulation or cognitive behavioral therapy will change the fraudulence and shallowness
of the culture that you hope to find comfort in.
It can sedate your need to find meaning, if that's all you're looking for. Fair enough. There is no 'meaning' apart from the meaning you give it.
If you've withdrawn your own meaning, you find an empty space. An identity empty of meaning. That's a little disconcerting for the ego.
That isn't meant to leave you hanging. Depression is normal and natural. It's an important part of a process. The more you reject and resist it,
the longer it takes for it to do it's work. I think you've realized something very important. You do have to expose the dark, to introduce light.

You're an empath? What do you feel when you're in that environment? There's no heart, hence no joy. You're feeling what's missing in all the minds around you.
You can supply heart in that environment. It doesn't need to be overt or even noticed by anyone, but you'll notice it.

[mosquito]

YOU ARE HEARD

Congratulations, you've taken the first step - expressing yourself. Our symptoms reflect the state of our being, so try and think of depression as being a pressing down, a suppression of your feelings, and of your true self. And guess what - we ALL do this to greater or lesser extent in order to survive in this world, so join the club ! Getting hung up on labels is not necessarily helpful either, nor is getting trapped in the "healing" system. Some good grounding advice from Northstar, and don't despair, you CAN turn your life around and live the way you want, it just might take some time (equally it might not).

Blessings and good luck ;)

[lookbeyond]

And believe this is happening for a reason/growth...bless

[Finefeather]

Dear myriaddimension
If you want to know who should be depressed then you should take a ride past your local homeless people's hangout...like here in South Africa.
Where people have nothing to eat, no place to shelter, no clothes in winter, have not washed for months, and everyone is waiting to steal whatever they find...just to stay alive.

All depression comes from seeing the road in front of us as been unconquerable, pointless, unsatisfactory, without hope, confusing.
It is a personal view based on our inability, temporarily, to see what lies on the other side of the mountain.
For some it is a view which has come from a lifetime of been denied the right to be a human being, and for some there is no way out except death.

For the more fortunate, there are many roads up the mountain and we should not see it as failure if we decide to go back down and try another route.
Continuing on a road which is clearly not working for us is just a slow death of our spirit and our growth.

I have seen people in great pain and suffering who have been happy because they have that one thing in life which makes all the difference...it is LOVE.
A life without love is a life without joy...and I have seen rich men cry because they lack the love of the partner who just abandoned them.

You are your own guide to your happiness and no amount of drugs will change that...you need to turn inside and examine your nature and your needs and your ability to give love.

Take care and much Love to you
Ray

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rMbIjsUMFrY

[turiya]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NfkLnJ0U9TQ

[markpierre]

Dear myriaddimension
If you want to know who should be depressed then you should take a ride past your local homeless people's hangout...like here in South Africa.
Where people have nothing to eat, no place to shelter, no clothes in winter, have not washed for months, and everyone is waiting to steal whatever they find...just to stay alive.

All depression comes from seeing the road in front of us as been unconquerable, pointless, unsatisfactory, without hope, confusing.
It is a personal view based on our inability, temporarily, to see what lies on the other side of the mountain.
For some it is a view which has come from a lifetime of been denied the right to be a human being, and for some there is no way out except death.

For the more fortunate, there are many roads up the mountain and we should not see it as failure if we decide to go back down and try another route.
Continuing on a road which is clearly not working for us is just a slow death of our spirit and our growth.

I have seen people in great pain and suffering who have been happy because they have that one thing in life which makes all the difference...it is LOVE.
A life without love is a life without joy...and I have seen rich men cry because they lack the love of the partner who just abandoned them.

You are your own guide to your happiness and no amount of drugs will change that...you need to turn inside and examine your nature and your needs and your ability to give love.

Take care and much Love to you
Ray

Really great post Ray. That should be viral.

I think people mistake their goal sometimes as finding happiness within chaos. I think it's will.
Not the will that wants to will things its own way, but the will that will endure whatever it has to for a true outcome. The end of chaos.
Until that occurs for everyone, I don't think true happiness is even all that interesting if possible.

If you think there are suffering people in the world, how do you not suffer with them? That's a rhetorical question, for anyone dizzy enough
to think they can answer it. Seperation is the answer.
Looking at a burning building and not wondering about who's inside. We're compelled to suffer with them, if suffering is real.
But what do we do when we acknowledge it? Everything we can to relieve it? Or learn to not be affected?
We already learned that.

I actually don't remember from within depression any lack of the ability to love.
Even in a true dark night, love's seeming absence makes love more pure and precious. I know that for certain.
I think we'd find that depression was the catalyst for every noted awakening. It's that fire they talk about. John of the Cross is a pretty good read.
I didn't gather he sat around moping.

[karamba]

thank you for sharing and accepting ( I know that it might be challenging) where you are , I am sending you Strenth and you are not alone!
Love and Light

[Anchor]

When we incarnated, we did not choose easy paths, we did not choose lives that would not have challenge and inconvenience, we did not choose to have lives that were free from suffering.

We incarnated into lives for many reasons, but among them the idea that we would meet challenges and learn.

Sometimes it can seem like the challenges are just two much, catalyst beating us down and sometimes we do get knocked back - and after those three steps forward, the two steps back can knock all the enthusiasm out of you.

But you know what? Your on the best side. Your on your side. You are set up to discover your inner power. You can help it along. When you feel depressed, smile. When you are aggravated forget it and look for ways to serve the creator.

Learn to live with your unique special distortions - even if they are pretty ****ty sometimes - let go of reacting to the suffering and observe the suffering. Experience it in a different way. Let go of the sharp end of the stick, but keep a grasp of the stick?

Is any of this making sense?

Also: http://projectavalon.net/forum4/showthread.php?13534-You-are-not-losing-it-everything-is-changing

[Alex Laker]

I hear you loud and clear and you have my deepest understanding. It seems that there are good few on this forum who feel the same way, including myself. For lack of a better term, it sounds like you are "clinically depressed". The human mind is a very resilient thing and I believe some are better equipped to deal with the mundane, pointless stresses of life than others. However, to realise that what you're doing every day is mundane or pointless is extremely demoralising. Once you learn that your birth right has been sold before you ever had a chance to bid for it, that can be very hard to come to terms with. It has been so for me.

All that being said, there is still and incredible amount of beauty in the world. Just because we have been taught to ignore it for the sake of "getting on with it", and keeping up the ruthlessly enforced societal construct does not mean that it has disappeared - yet. Living in this construct may be very emotionally/empathically/energetically draining, but I am starting to believe that if I can somehow shine some of that hidden light on my seemingly "miserable" existence, then I might just be able to bear it long enough to see the game through.

Of course I want the world to change, and I hurt every day because I don't feel like I can do a damned thing about it, and everything I see happening around me is just tending towards unbridled social chaos, indifference, and discompassion towards the fellow human being. It's there somewhere in the free-for-all, that we can suddenly find ourselves feeling so alone. Yes I'm small, yes I might be kind of insignificant by myself, but the great thing about being human is that we can group together to fight our causes, or just to simply find others who feel the same, and know that we're not really alone.

There was a time I thought that this forum was the cause of my feeling like this, but really it might just be my saving grace to know there's a place where all hope is not lost. Yes, there is a lot of depressing information here, but that information is perused, analysed and commented upon by people who care enough to want to change it.

What if the game really is some grand, cosmic prison break? Somehow, I don't believe that our souls can be trapped or enslaved for eternity. I mean when did any man not desire that which was kept from him? Once something is taken from you, and you do everything you can to get it back - well then you'd really appreciate it wouldn't you?

As for medications, I tend to find that they help me cope. Yes it is true that they are given out too freely and pharmaceutical companies have monopolised many aspects of our health which we can look after ourselves. However, I'd like to believe that in some instances the ingestion of chemicals is justifiable to relieve distressing symptoms, those of depression included.

It's about staying positive, looking forward, and remembering you are not alone. Someday something more beautiful than you ever imagined will happen, and from that moment you will never look back.

[Tesla_WTC_Solution]

People who are troubled end up writing some KILLER NOVELS.

Edgar Allan Poe was a depressed kind of guy,
but he had writing skills.

If you feel the need to be a shut-in or avoid other people,
start writing a book!

And soon you will feel the need to go out and get material for the characters and places in your book.

The blood pressure thing sounds very scary to me, and with a physical problem like that probably anyone would end up depressed!!

:(