Spiritual Jokes

[Nat_Lee]

Hi Avaloniens !

We all need to laugh in those days so .....
How about having fun at throwing jokes with a spiritual flavour ?

My first one:

Have you heard of the cow who attained liberation?
It was dyslexic and kept on repeating OOOOMMM !



Source:

http://www.openhandweb.org/the_humour_thread_jokes_with_a_spiritual_flavour

[Nat_Lee]

Those one are funny :

http://www.openhandweb.org/files/openhand/images//meeting.jpg


http://www.openhandweb.org/files/openhand/images//my%20aura.gif

[Anchor]

http://www.answersingenesis.org/aftereden/cartoons/20030428.gif

[sirdipswitch]

One need only look in a mirror... to see the Love and Wisdom, of Source...

[Billy]

A very old woman dies she was a very devout catholic. On the other side Mother Mary is there to welcome her.

Mother Mary says. " Before I show you around heaven is there any questions you would like to ask"

The Woman replies, " Well actually there is one question, Why is it that in all your paintings and statues on earth you are always crying and look so sad?"

Mother Mary sits closer to the old woman and whispers in her ear :gossip:,

Shhh don't tell anyone but I really wanted a baby girl. :faint:

[Fred Steeves]

So a Buddhist monk walks up to a hot dog vendor and asks, "can you make me one with everything?"

[Eram]

I just love these kind of jokes.
They're the best.

http://bigeyedeer.files.wordpress.com/2008/03/enlightening.gif%3fw=490

http://lawrencehyde.files.wordpress.com/2012/04/enlightenment-journey-not-goal1.jpg?w=600&h=720

http://www.markstivers.com/wordpress/comics/2008-03-30%20Enlightenment.gif

http://facebook.nepal-travel.org/files/2012/11/cartoon-philo-quote.jpg

[conk]

Why did the priest cross himself? To get to the other side.

[Shamz]

Few one liners -

One Buddhist monk leaned over to another and quietly asked, "Are you not thinking what I'm not thinking?"

How do you make God laugh? --- > Tell him your plans.

How much "ego" do you need? --- > Just enough so that you don't step in front of a bus.

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

I’ve taken a vow of poverty. To test me, please send money.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

I don’t have a problem with willpower. It’s won’t power I have a problem with.

My life has a superb cast, but I can’t figure out the plot.

Life is sexually transmitted.

I used to be indecisive; now I’m not sure.

My reality check just bounced.

What if there were no hypothetical questions?

No sense being pessimistic. It wouldn’t work anyway.

You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!

I can resist anything but temptation

God must love stupid people, he made so many.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

What do they call Church pastors in Germany? German Shepherds.

------
nuff for now

Love&Peace

[Eram]

from the same source that Nat_Lee provided:

lzd8bsfeiOY

[heyokah]

http://i40.tinypic.com/aebeo2.jpg

[Billy]

Close-to-complete Ideology and Religion S**T List

Taoism: **** happens.
Confucianism: Confucius say, "**** happens."
Buddhism: If **** happens, it isn't really ****.
Zen Buddhism: **** is, and is not.
Zen Buddhism #2: What is the sound of **** happening?
Hinduism: This **** has happened before.
Islam: If **** happens, it is the will of Allah.
Islam #2: If **** happens, kill the person responsible.
Islam #3: If **** happens, blame Israel.
Catholicism: If **** happens, you deserve it.
Protestantism: Let **** happen to someone else.
Presbyterian: This **** was bound to happen.
Episcopalian: It's not so bad if **** happens, as long as you serve the right wine with it.
Methodist: It's not so bad if **** happens, as long as you serve grape juice with it.
Congregationalist: **** that happens to one person is just as good as **** that happens to another.
Unitarian: **** that happens to one person is just as bad as **** that happens to another.
Lutheran: If **** happens, don't talk about it.
Fundamentalism: If **** happens, you will go to hell, unless you are born again. (Amen!)
Fundamentalism #2: If **** happens to a televangelist, it's okay.
Fundamentalism #3: **** must be born again.
Judaism: Why does this **** always happen to us?
Calvinism: **** happens because you don't work.
Seventh Day Adventism: No **** shall happen on Saturday.
Creationism: God made all ****.
Secular Humanism: **** evolves.
Christian Science: When **** happens, don't call a doctor - pray!
Christian Science #2: **** happening is all in your mind.
Unitarianism: Come let us reason together about this ****.
Quakers: Let us not fight over this ****.
Utopianism: This **** does not stink.
Darwinism: This **** was once food.
Capitalism: That's MY ****.
Communism: It's everybody's ****.
Feminism: Men are ****.
Chauvinism: We may be ****, but you can't live without us...
Commercialism: Let's package this ****.
Impressionism: From a distance, **** looks like a garden.
Idolism: Let's bronze this ****.
Existentialism: **** doesn't happen; **** IS.
Existentialism #2: What is ****, anyway?
Stoicism: This **** is good for me.
Hedonism: There is nothing like a good **** happening!
Mormonism: God sent us this ****.
Mormonism #2: This **** is going to happen again.
Wiccan: An it harm none, let **** happen.
Jehovah's Witnesses: >Knock< >Knock< **** happens.
Jehovah's Witnesses #2: May we have a moment of your time to show you some of our ****?
Jehovah's Witnesses #3: **** has been prophesied and is imminent; only the righteous shall survive its happening.
Moonies: Only really happy **** happens.
Hare Krishna: **** happens, rama rama.
Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this ****!
Zoroastrianism: **** happens half on the time.
Church of SubGenius: BoB ****s.
Practical: Deal with **** one day at a time.
Agnostic: **** might have happened; then again, maybe not.
Agnostic #2: Did someone ****?
Agnostic #3: What is this ****?
Satanism: SNEPPAH TIHS.
Atheism: What ****?
Atheism #2: I can't believe this ****!
Nihilism: No ****.
Narcisism: I am the ****!

And of course we must add...Alcoholics Anonymous: **** happens-one day at a time!

One more for the list :p

Scientology. This **** is free but if you try to leave you pay for this ****.

[heyokah]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6RT6rL2UroE

[Eram]

So a Buddhist monk walks up to a hot dog vendor and asks, "can you make me one with everything?"

MeyuIdmA0YE

:tea:

[Nat_Lee]

This one is verry funny !

MThdGamiTEA


And also this one in french :

b2i8sZB83xM

[Nat_Lee]

My joke of the day:

Minds are like parachutes. They only function when open.

:whoo:

[Seikou-Kishi]

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

(I thought these were the funniest)

Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.

Hippocrates: Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.

Thomas de Torquemada: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.

Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.

B.F. Skinner: Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free will.

Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.

Ludwig Wittgenstein: The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects "chicken" and "road", and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.

Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.

Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death.

Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.

David Hume: Out of custom and habit.

Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.

Zeno of Elea: To prove it could never reach the other side.

Keats: Philosophy will clip a chicken's wings.

Blake: To see heaven in a wild fowl.

Dr Johnson: Sir, had you known the Chicken for as long as I have, you would not so readily enquire, but feel rather the Need to resist such a public Display of your own lamentable and incorrigible Ignorance.

Oscar Wilde: Why, indeed? One's social engagements whilst in town ought never expose one to such barbarous inconvenience - although, perhaps, if one must cross a road, one may do far worse than to cross it as the chicken in question.

Kafka: Hardly the most urgent enquiry to make of a low-grade insurance clerk who woke up that morning as a hen.

Swift: It is, of course, inevitable that such a loathsome, filth-ridden and degraded creature as Man should assume to question the actions of one in all respects his superior.

[Orph]

One need only look in a mirror... to see the Love and Wisdom, of Source...Yup. And when I look in the mirror, I see Source has it's own oddball sense of humor. :pound:

[meeradas]

Minds are like parachutes. They only function when open.

Yea, that way only:

http://www.manss.com/sites/all/files/ArjoWiggins_Creative_0.jpg?1264609696

Couldn't find an appropriate parachute pic... so an umbrella must do.

[Nat_Lee]

hahaaa !
Good one !

This is an handicap mind !
It works but with difficulties ! ;)

;)




Minds are like parachutes. They only function when open.

Yea, that way only:

http://www.manss.com/sites/all/files/ArjoWiggins_Creative_0.jpg?1264609696

Couldn't find an appropriate parachute pic... so an umbrella must do.

[Arc]

Some cliche new ages memes portrayed in a funny manner. :)

...laughing with us, not at us...

(sorry about the title, but that's how it was titled by the uploader, and also I think this can be for both male and female, not just female)

iOavbyDKSi0