How do you manage your mental illness and what is (has been) your perception of it?

[Justintime]

I'll start with my diagnosis and a very short story about how and why I was diagnosed. I have Bipolar 1 disorder and was diagnosed 13 years ago, almost to the day really. Manic symptoms erupted for me my second semester of my freshman year of college. I was pledging a fraternity, abusing my ADHD medication and a thousands miles away from my home town in Florida. By the end of my twelve weeks of pledging I was wired on fear,( of my frat brothers, long story,) adderall, and my own spiritual philosophies. I went without sleep for weeks and announced to my pledge brothers that I was the second coming of Jesus. Then I pretty much told my whole college about it and tried to convert people. Needless to say I was led to the nearest hospital a few days later when everyone realized I wasn't tripping acid.

It took me a few years to realize that I really was Bipolar. I refused to take the medication, still drank like a fish and ended up relapsing. I ended up living with my parents for a semester,sobered up and realized I needed to take my medication. It took a few more years to get my medication right but for the past five years or so I've felt very even.

Anyways, I manage my mental illness by staying on my medication, limiting my consumption of alcohol and trying my best to exercise. This is just part of being mentally healthy for me though as sometimes depression seems to overtake me for no apparent reason. It's like I'm being beamed by an unseen force in the sky, draining me of my life force and infusing me with a heaviness that is very hard to explain. So I have and do perceive my depression as nonlocal. Be it mind control or demonic possession, my depression just never seems to have an external reason, it just happens. I have the toughest time explaining this to my wife. She's like, what's wrong, why are you sad, I'm like IDK , leave me the heck alone.
So, what have I found that works when I'm feeling like this? Sometimes I can sleep it off. Sometimes music can be my personal savior, sometimes focusing my mind on others helps and sometimes just embracing the depression pangs works. Acknowledging that its there and then releasing it. Sometimes though nothing works.
My perception of my illness has always been mixed. At first I thought God was punishing me, then I thought the government was experimenting with me, then it was some sort of demonic possession and lastly and this is my favorite interpretation of it: I decided ahead of my time in this body that it was necessary for my spiritual development. I've learned so much already from being mentally unstable. :)

[Lifebringer]

Some say that some mentally ill people are re-incarnated by older souls to see how people treat them during their life. a sort of measure of the heart n mind. I think it was the Christ Letters.

[Justintime]

If that's the case my wife, parents and siblings are to be commented, my old frat brothers, not so much. However, I really do see my mental illness as a gift. I have experienced things that have enabled me to realize what I am not. And in knowing what I'm not I've come closer to what I am by the process of elimination.

For example:
I am not my thoughts
I am not my actions
I am not my ego
Nor my personality
I am not my body
I am not my moods
I am not even sure I'm of this world.

[Justintime]

In my initial mental breakdown I completely lost touch with my personality, believed I was the second coming of Christ, and convinced my mind of this so that the external world matched this belief. I thought I was literally the center of the world and everyone else was waiting for me to wake up and was talking about me constantly when I wasn't listening or watching. The rest of the world was in on it, overjoyed with their own knowledge of me as the savior and waiting for me to wake up to it. It was like the Truman Show.

Anyways I completely lost touch with my personality and ego ( sense of self). When I was recovering from this I had to reteach myself how to perceive the world, starting with reinterpreting stimuli. Such a weird time in my life. But I believed everything that happened to me 100 percent.

[Nanoo Nanoo]

Were you having these symptoms before your freshman year ?

[Tesla_WTC_Solution]

I was telling Shadowstalker about this new vitamin called L-methylfolate, I think one of the trade names is DEPLIN --

sadly it is NOT over the counter yet, because the FDA wants us all to die (lol), but Psychology Today magazine mentioned it recently as an up and coming treatment for bi-polar and schizophrenia.

When I received a couple weeks of Deplin for my own bi-polar diagnosis, my financial life was so bad (family actually caused this lol) that I wasn't able to say to the doctor, "Yeah the pills are working"... he terminated the Deplin for unknown reasons and tried some more "traditional" pills which just made me feel worse.


Without meds I notice that I tend to be a little bit meaner. But then again it could always just be menses.
It's only when I am in an untenable (socially impossible) lifestyle, for example suffering religious or sexual abuse, that I really start believing and saying things that are "out there".


I think it's 100% acceptable to have your own ideas and to act on them. It's a privilege of being human.
Just because our metabolisms and thought patterns are "different" than some "norm" doesn't make me feel bad.

I am a lot happier with bi-polar disorder than, for example, something like Cystic Fibrosis.

the trouble with bi-polar is that society discriminates and just makes our symptoms worse.

I am thinking being shoved into a hospital was no immediate relief to you.
They need to take a dietary approach to this and use some "farm therapy" for people like you and me.

All we really need is some better food and fresh air, and meaning in life.


Please try to get some Deplin.

[Justintime]

Yeah, I was diagnosed with OCD and depression at 9 and later ADHD at 15, though I believe these were misdiagnoses and I was always bipolar.

[Justintime]

I'll try Look for and try some Deplin and I have noticed the connection between my diet and mood too. I'm not too concerned about prejudices regarding mental illnesses, I know there out there, but I just try to ignore it. For the most part they only effect me as a teacher. During planning time when other teachers throw around diagnostic labels on kids like they actually know what their talking about. It's annoying and I can see myself telling other teachers off one day if those sort of comments continue.

[Mu2143]

.......................

[Justintime]

I'm not looking for a cure per say. I have a good psychiatrist and believe being bipolar gives me a unique way of looking at the world and compassion for others. Thanks for the suggestion though.

[778 neighbour of some guy]

If that's the case my wife, parents and siblings are to be commented, my old frat brothers, not so much. However, I really do see my mental illness as a gift. I have experienced things that have enabled me to realize what I am not. And in knowing what I'm not I've come closer to what I am by the process of elimination.

For example:
I am not my thoughts
I am not my actions
I am not my ego
Nor my personality
I am not my body
I am not my moods
I am not even sure I'm of this world.

HI,

Oh my dear lord, been doing quite well you have on the path of self realization young Skywalker, all jokes aside, feeling that detached can feel like crap and can feel like heaven at the same time, seems to me you have been doing better than most people on this planet, problem is they don't quite understand, nor do they have to, now you could be left guessing, "is it just as lonely at the bottom as on top, cuz I don't know where I am at right now."

If you ask me, you are doing just fine and you are a gentle hard act to follow;)

Cheers

Ed

[shadowstalker]

How do I manage my mental illness?
I stay away from normal people, (sheeple)
Why, cuz there the one's that can get you locked up

[SlickWillie]

I've had a similar experience last fall. I've had some bad trips on weed. But I had a horrible experience that I know was mental about a month after I had a weird trip on weed. I believed that I was dead and that everything I'm experiencing here on earth was just being made up in my brain and that I'm trapped here. I believed everything around me people, weather, night and day were all in it against me. It was an extreme form of paranoia that I had only experienced previously on weed. This time though it was initiated from sleep depression, stress, and work.

Basically, I believed I had died from my weed experience a month earlier but my brain activity was keeping my soul trapped in my body as I still experienced this 3D dimension. It was terrifying to be that out of touch with reality. It took a LONG time through medication and therapy to get me back to normal. As I had never had any symptoms or any experience like that before.

It took me a long time for me to sleep correctly again and I still often have trouble. When certain things stimulate this past episode, I just take a second to cool down and bring my self-back to reality.

This website has helped me deal with new ways to look at the world. But during this time in my life I did take a break from it as it wasn't healthy for me at the time. I'm now doing well and appreciated the experience. I don't look down on people struggling with these issues now because they are very real!

Good luck on your journey! Much love!

[778 neighbour of some guy]

For example:
I am not my thoughts
I am not my actions
I am not my ego
Nor my personality
I am not my body
I am not my moods
I am not even sure I'm of this world.

"I am not my diagnosis."

You forgot that one, quite important one too imo, your diagnosis was just someone's opinion, and we all know what opinions are like, @ssholes, everybody's got one ( at least one).

Be good you!!;)

You are fine just as is.

[Justintime]

"I am not my diagnosis."

This is true and definitely something I embraced for a while. I've realized it's better to treat my mental illness with a bit of reverence, least it kick me in the ass. Plus, if I don't wake up every morning and recognize that I have a mood disorder I might not take my pills and being med compliant has been a challenge for me. I may not be my diagnosis but I do have to manage it.

[donk]

You have the self awareness that is necessary to prevent the complete self destruction that in my experience bipolar often brings. I'm like a magnet for mental illness, guess that says a lot about me--though I have only been diagnosed severe chronic depression and ADHD, I wonder, due to the amount of bipolar people that come into my life on an intimate basis (law of attraction and all that).

Of everyone I have seen, and I am talking severe bipolar, the kind you don't believe or understand until you experience it, it seems to me is that it may be just that inability to properly function at the level of cognitive dissonance required to live in the nuerotic, dysfunctional, fear-based society. This is a theory of mine, I am not (to my knowledge) bipolar, I feel that the bipolar people I know and love's brain function is different from mine.

I have never learned so much. Also haven't lost so much. It is not to be taken lightly. But if you know what you're dealing--just be brutally honest with yourself, while doing your best to temper that honesty when transmitting to others or acting it out...remember that your reality is most likely not the same as most others share. I think that this advice serves anyone well, I try to live by it...however I think it is even more important for those with mental illnesses like this which make it difficult to discern your own thought processes, making it difficult to recognize when you are in denial or seeing things a "different" way.

Good luck and much love to you...

[778 neighbour of some guy]

"I am not my diagnosis."

This is true and definitely something I embraced for a while. I've realized it's better to treat my mental illness with a bit of reverence, least it kick me in the ass. Plus, if I don't wake up every morning and recognize that I have a mood disorder I might not take my pills and being med compliant has been a challenge for me. I may not be my diagnosis but I do have to manage it.

I know, I know, I work in psychiatry, and people who got 'labeled" are all in a days work for me, I have some pretty "labeled" colleagues too, I had a label myself once, I stopped identifying with it, did me more harm than good, my "labeled" colleagues are the amongst the most open minded as well as the most closed minded, you sound just like one of the more realistic ones, just get a "one of these days, or weeks" once in a while, to me the most horrendous thing is, a client who goes to see a psychiatrist, gets some pills in half an hour, and it can take weeks/months/or years to get them of them and try something else that DOES work for them, trial and error, trial and error, trial and error, many of them get screwed up and desperate by this ( and turn in to human chemdumps) or get hooked on all different prescription drugs.

I have had quite a life's ride myself and can totally relate to the things you have discovered for yourself about who and what you are or are not, perhaps for different reasons than you did, I am no longer willing to discuss this in threads though, feel free to pm me.

Everything they told me I was, I am most definitely NOT, humans can not be defined by checking boxes, especially not when the questions asked send you off in a predetermined direction, who benefits most here, a very interesting question.

[Nanoo Nanoo]

I had a partner with bi polar. She was absolutely the most loving caring and endeering person you could hope to meet but something could trigger her and then she became tremendously vengeful and mean. I tried working with her and the what i called " switch " that triggered her.

what we did was over a period of time write down the triggers she or i noticed. Nearly all of them had something to do with being double crossed or at least her believeing she was goign to be taken advantage of. She then went into a series of changes and actions to defend her self.

she did not know she was bi polar at the time however i had her go to a doctor and she was diagnosed. What was interesting is later talking to her abut her past and what things she was exposed to emotionally. I concluded that her extreme emotional stresses as a child and teenager created these deep emotional " switches " that she created to defend her self at a very young age. She would not even have known she had develped them.

She went through extreme life decisions and put her self through some austere situations as coping mechanisms. I must state at this stage her grand father and mother also suffered bi polar but i do not believe this condition has to be hereditary. Yes it can be passed on through the genes however the genes are dictated by the dna strand and the dna strand is re writeable, well about 60% is and its re writeable by reversing the emotional duress. For some reversal of these emotional duress would be a difficult task but in most cases it can be done.

I told her all of this back then as i was trying to help her.. actually we were helping each other. When i sold my company i was in very poor health snd she dedicated all her time to researching natural therapies and she came up with some amazing concoctions which really made a difference. SO we traded exersises in helping one another. So i tried to help her in letting her know her condition is something that may be reversable. and how to go about doing it.

She is married now with a little baby girl , she is holding down a job ( i hope ) and possibly still in a relationship. Her dilligent efforst i think paid off.

N

[Justintime]

Yeah, once I was diagnosed correctly the medicine did work, but I feel I was misdiagnosed for ten years-9-19 and have a lot of pent up anger I haven't completely worked through because my childhood was so strange and depressing. Strange because I was very scared of my thoughts, they were extremely disturbing and weird at times and I would become depressed because I identified with my thoughts and therefore felt guilty for having them. So a proper diagnosis really is key, so is finding a competent psychiatrist and psychologist. I found the most helpful, knowledgable and compassionate psychologist a few years ago. He's the only psychologist I saw for more than a year and I'm very thankful I found him.

[Justintime]

She is married now with a little baby girl , she is holding down a job ( i hope ) and possibly still in a relationship. Her dilligent efforst i think paid off.

It sounds like your diligence in helping her paid off too. I know the ultimate sign of health for me has been being able to hold a job, a marriage and being a father. They say people with bipolar have a 90 percent divorce rate and are unable to hold a job. Statistics like that are just good motivation for me to prove them wrong.

Bipolar can definitely be genetic, my dad has it.

[Nanoo Nanoo]

Yes my dear friend, you are correct , you CAN achieve this ! i believe you can and by the sounds of it so do you ! aWESOME !

if i can suggest something and this is something i suggested to my ex. When you feel agression please understand that this is mereoly an energy .. its like a storm cloud of thunder before the thunder releases . its a natural cycle. Can you imagine if thunder did not discharge ? the earths atmos would not be ionically charged and the oxygen could not be cleaned efficiently.

SO i suggested to her that when she gets angry get a pillow and beat the S#!T out of it till she was spent ! sometimes i suggested taking out her anger on me
( which i enjoyed ) however i was teaching her martial arts and she started punching really bloddy hard with her little pointy knuckles lol

I told her to say the things out loud she wanted to say , to get into charachter and re live the emotions that are pent up and release them as if the situation were real. when you commit to doing this on a regular basis , IE tell your self this is part of healing process , it actually becomes theraputic.

Theres no sense in numbing our selves with drugs to calm us down ..l expend the energy , let it out , RELEASE it ! this energy needs to bve EXPRESSED as this is a natural process of the body spirit complex. It is hugely un healthy to supress this energy , and thats all it is , its energy.

i dont have to spell out that sometimes when we faught like this we ended up having sex .. which helped too. she was sexually abused as well so she took out her anger on me during sex .. this in a strange way helped her .. she was extremely remourseful after and apologetic but i told her not to be like this as it is an exersise and she has every right to express her self. She eventually got the exersise and it became theraputic for her.

re living past moments and expending the energy from that mind set and point in time. this is key

when you have the courage to do this , its almost like a cheeky grin on your face after .. the release is richeous , and thats what you are aming for.

the " anger room " we set up with an old couch , sound proofed door , punching bag , pillows and a bed to relax on after .. it can take a lot out of you.

sometimes we would fall in a heap and laugh our selves into a frenzy .. this is a very important thing to take note of,.. this is a reaction inside that tells us we are getting better .. the psyche realises its let go of something and reacts by being joyous about it.

N

[Justintime]

SO i suggested to her that when she gets angry get a pillow and beat the S#!T out of it till she was spent !

re living past moments and expending the energy from that mind set and point in time. this is key

when you have the courage to do this , its almost like a cheeky grin on your face after .. the release is richeous , and thats what you are aming for.

the " anger room " we set up with an old couch , sound proofed door , punching bag , pillows and a bed to relax on after .. it can take a lot out of you.

N

I really appreciate your response and advice. I like the idea of a anger room to vent and let out my aggression. I'm thinking I may be able to force it out to, meditate on my past on the memories that are the most painful for me to live with. I think I've pushed too much to the depths of my mind and sometimes it erupts for no apparent reason.

They say sometimes a certain stimuli that is associated with a repressed memory an trigger angrer that otherwise is completely out of place given what's going on at the time. I think if I can effectively discharge it would be a form of purification. I'll give it a try sometime in the next few days and let you know how it goes.

Thanks again,

Jutin

[Nanoo Nanoo]

SO i suggested to her that when she gets angry get a pillow and beat the S#!T out of it till she was spent !

re living past moments and expending the energy from that mind set and point in time. this is key

when you have the courage to do this , its almost like a cheeky grin on your face after .. the release is richeous , and thats what you are aming for.

the " anger room " we set up with an old couch , sound proofed door , punching bag , pillows and a bed to relax on after .. it can take a lot out of you.

N

I really appreciate your response and advice. I like the idea of a anger room to vent and let out my aggression. I'm thinking I may be able to force it out to, meditate on my past on the memories that are the most painful for me to live with. I think I've pushed too much to the depths of my mind and sometimes it erupts for no apparent reason.

They say sometimes a certain stimuli that is associated with a repressed memory an trigger angrer that otherwise is completely out of place given what's going on at the time. I think if I can effectively discharge it would be a form of purification. I'll give it a try sometime in the next few days and let you know how it goes.

Thanks again,

Jutin

You are most welcom my friend , i hope my information is the insight you require to get closer to who you are.

Naniu

[Czarek]

Don't give up friends! Clean up your body is my main message here. Get serious about it! I can't stress the importance of sticking to well laid out plan. Cash some of your savings and get going. All the information is there, if you need help, find a professional in your area to guide you. You'll get lots of help here.
I would definitely check for the presence of heavy metals. The main culprit is mercury. Any radioactive material is a heavy metal too! We have those apparent "safe" limits in place but considering that over long period of time, those levels get high and accumulate in organs (ex.brain), not your blood.
Combination of mercury and arsenic tends to be very problematic and a big issue with bipolar disorders. Arsenic presence tends to be confirmed not only by hair analysis but also by the fact taht those that have high levels of arsenic tend to sleep with their arms over the head! No joke here.
Please research my posts, I've included a lot of info on amalgam fillings. Keep in mind that those heavy metals may have come from your mother during the 9 months as well as during breast feeding time.

[The Potter]

I have a type of bipolar known as Cyclothymia. The start of all the even months = happiness. The start of every odd month = depression (yup, I have another day or two of general depression).

To me the biggest culprit is street lights. Evil, evil extra nighttime light. I grew up in a place without them and intend to someday return somewhere with the moon as the only source of light at night. Coincidentally (I think not!) my trouble happens in the days after a full moon. My only defense right now is blocking the windows.

After an event similar to the original post, I was prescribed lithium but took it for less than one month. I am reasonably sure that I will have bipolar related issues again in my life. So I try to keep healthy, financially secure, and (above all) good friends.

[BMJ]

Hi,
A little background on me I am a carer for a person with bipolar, since 11/9/01, and a close friend of 6 years also has bipolar. From my experience, it seems important ways to manage bipolar are:

Take the medication religiously.
You might want to look into Paliperidone, brand name Invega. This a "miracle drug", one injection per month in the form of slow release crystals, offers stability.
Link:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paliperidone

Limiting or eliminating drug and alchol use as this can interfer with the effectiveness of your medication. The most current technique is to have your network being supportive of any reduction in consumption of drug and alchol. I suppose you could say positive reinforcement for reductions in intake instead of your network tellinmg you to abstaining from drugs and alchol all together.

Pratice distraction techniques, for example Dialectical behavior therapy, DBT, when your emotions get to much.
Examples:
- Having a shower and appreciating the experience of the water on your skin and the sound of the water showering over you.
- Enjoying a meal and savioring ever mouth full of food.
- Have a hobby that distracts you e.g. gardening, car restoration, plastic model building, whatever takes your fancy.
Basically distracting yourself by focusing on something else rather than you emotion.
Link:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dialectical_behavior_therapy

Fish oil or krill oil may have some positive benefits.

Having a positive support network. Get rid of people or limit your exposure to people that bring you down. Try to associate only with people that make you feel good or are positive towards you and a positive influence.

Exercise, sleep your 8 hours and eat your three meals a day as best you can.

Take small steps towards your goals, don't try to get from goal A to goal Z "yesterday". Have mini goals and give yourself a pat on the back for achieving each mini goal.

If you have nightmares. Then before you go to sleep visualise a positive and realistic goal in your mind and go to sleep with that thought in your mind.

Hope this helps.

[Justintime]

BMJ,

Thank you for your reply, after starting my treatment with Lithium, then Depakote, then Lamictal I have found something that works for me. Equetro, I add some Zoloft too and it has worked for me for a few years, so I'm not really looking to change medicines as the thought of it kind of scares me. However, if my body builds up an immunity to Equetro, which can seem to happen, I'm definitely going to try Paliperidone. Ive never heard of a drug for Bipolar that you can inject. And only have to inject once a month. This is Awesome.

Fish Oil has helped me in the past, it's weird how it gives you energy and contributes to feelings of well being. I'll try the DBT.
I too have found getting a good nights rest, eight or more hours a night extremely vital to my well being. For some reason lack of sleep usually sends me into a manic phase.

Thanks again for your advice

Justin

[ulli]

Don't give up friends! Clean up your body is my main message here. Get serious about it! I can't stress the importance of sticking to well laid out plan. Cash some of your savings and get going. All the information is there, if you need help, find a professional in your area to guide you. You'll get lots of help here.
I would definitely check for the presence of heavy metals. The main culprit is mercury. Any radioactive material is a heavy metal too! We have those apparent "safe" limits in place but considering that over long period of time, those levels get high and accumulate in organs (ex.brain), not your blood.
Combination of mercury and arsenic tends to be very problematic and a big issue with bipolar disorders. Arsenic presence tends to be confirmed not only by hair analysis but also by the fact taht those that have high levels of arsenic tend to sleep with their arms over the head! No joke here.
Please research my posts, I've included a lot of info on amalgam fillings. Keep in mind that those heavy metals may have come from your mother during the 9 months as well as during breast feeding time.

This made me realize something. In 1998 I had all my amalgam fillings replaced and since then had only a few depression incidents. Never saw that connection until now. I did it only because someone told me that they could cause cancer.

[BMJ]

BMJ,

Thank you for your reply, after starting my treatment with Lithium, then Depakote, then Lamictal I have found something that works for me. Equetro, I add some Zoloft too and it has worked for me for a few years, so I'm not really looking to change medicines as the thought of it kind of scares me. However, if my body builds up an immunity to Equetro, which can seem to happen, I'm definitely going to try Paliperidone. Ive never heard of a drug for Bipolar that you can inject. And only have to inject once a month. This is Awesome.

Fish Oil has helped me in the past, it's weird how it gives you energy and contributes to feelings of well being. I'll try the DBT.
I too have found getting a good nights rest, eight or more hours a night extremely vital to my well being. For some reason lack of sleep usually sends me into a manic phase.

Thanks again for your advice

Justin

Hi Justin,
If this combination works for your stick to it. I'm glad to hear your off lithium though it's great for phone batteries but can cause organ failure after about ten years of continous use. Regarding the Paliperidone yeah it is awesome I think it is a miracle drug for bi-polar. It came out of the USA orginally and your guys are currently trying to develop a once every "three month" injection. The friend that is on it doesn't have any side affects to deal with, but she was told it may contribute to brittle bones after years of use. The actually name of the product is Invega Sustenna, (made by Janssen-Cilag), a dosage one monthly injection of 75mg costs $363.00 here in Australia but under Australia's medicare my friend gets it for $5.80.

I'd agree hole heartedly that it is key to eat and sleep right.

It seems from what your saying threw out this thread that your pretty well on the right track, good for you Justin your doing a great job of manage bi-polar you should be proud of yourself. :cool:

Your welcome

Boris

P.S. Some final thoughts if you have access to government assistance such a case manager, drug and alcohol consellor or crisis phone lines use it. They can be helpful, my friend's case manager put her onto to DBT by sending her on a DBT course.

Also, never accept what your told by the doctors or nurses on face value, their human and they make mistakes. Understand bi-polar and question everything your told if it doesn't makes sense investigate it.
In my experience, twice whilst my friend was in hospital she was given the wrong medication and I picked up on this that was because I knew what she should be given and regularly checked with the staff as to what she was being given.

[donk]

Even having awareness of your illness is not enough, you need to he vigilant at all times to the drives that are guiding you down your path. I bring this up as I just found out my extremely bipolar ex & babies' mama in a funk of depression and just let out of the hospital (got a pass for memorial service for her cat) stole a car and drove it into a brick wall.

She had told me she had tried several times in past that way, but damn cars are too safe nowadays...I feel it's more that she is not done her journey in this skin, and hope her failure to end it (again) means she will be bringing some of the light from the other pole of the spectrum before she gets to rest.

So my point is: pay attention to attachments, in times of overwhelming emotional and physical (she has other serious medical issues) distress, any trigger can be an excuse for extreme reactions...in my experience mostly self destructive ones.

I truly believe that diagnosis of bipolar is linked with an inability of a good & loving soul to cope with the cruel and dysfunctional way of life that is predominant in our culture. And in her at least, self destruction manifests as a result of her inability to take responsibility for her actions. Stay vigilant my friends...

[ThresholdRising]

Its almost like the worlds a stage and were all actors and reactors and its our souls that are doing the directing but a lot more complicated.

Remember the most loving you ever been, that feeling can be in the now moment and all now moments that follow forever. You can have it as your natural state. Whenever you do get one of these episodes just remember that moment and take the feeling and give it to all your awareness.

I often felt the same way, as if being attacked. Theres a few benevolent directors that maybe at work here or it could be our own perceptions but awareness of this loving state helped me and continues to help me as I try and find my own way. Opening and listening to the angelic directors definitely helps too.

Enjoy the Climb, the view gets better the higher you go!

[Justintime]

Even having awareness of your illness is not enough, you need to he vigilant at all times to the drives that are guiding you down your path. I bring this up as I just found out my extremely bipolar ex & babies' mama in a funk of depression and just let out of the hospital (got a pass for memorial service for her cat) stole a car and drove it into a brick wall.

She had told me she had tried several times in past that way, but damn cars are too safe nowadays...I feel it's more that she is not done her journey in this skin, and hope her failure to end it (again) means she will be bringing some of the light from the other pole of the spectrum before she gets to rest.

So my point is: pay attention to attachments, in times of overwhelming emotional and physical (she has other serious medical issues) distress, any trigger can be an excuse for extreme reactions...in my experience mostly self

I truly believe that diagnosis of bipolar is linked with an inability of a good & loving soul to cope with the cruel and dysfunctional way of life that is predominant in our culture. And in her at least, self destruction manifests as a result of her inability to take responsibility for her actions. Stay vigilant my friends...

It's ironic that you mention this as this was sort of a suicidal fantasy for me three years back or so. I've always thought that a car accident would be the way to go for me as I have a phobia of guns and knives and wouldn't trust pills to do the job. Just to be clear I'm not having any suicidal thoughts right now and haven't since then. I just feel honesty begets honesty and that's very important for me. No one should have to hide their past feelings and thoughts for fear of discrimination.

I did have some failed suicide attempts as a youngster and know it was because my time here wasn't done. And I have been blessed with a loving and caring family. I hope your ex comes through the other side and rediscovers her light and the light around her. The key for me has been self forgiveness and self understanding. Also, I've gotten out of victim thinking. I used to think the world owed me something because it screwed me over with bipolar and stole away my childhood. I see it more as a gift now.

I've gone back and forth with thinking this as true for myself too. Especially as a youngster. I had the hardest time figuring out how anyone could be happy given the state of the world. I've had a weird emotional evolution though, I used to laugh and cry a lot, than cry and yell a lot, than cry, yell and laugh a lot, then I went through an angry yelling phase and now I'm just big on laughter and figuring out how to cry again.

[vilcabamba]

I used to listen to Dr. Fred Bell's old radio shows on BBS radio. He I believe was taken out after being interviewed by Jessie Ventura for his TV show. Dr. Fred Bell was a Nasa Rocket Scientist and holistic doctor. He's also a relative of Alexander Graham Bell and grew up as a young kid working for the military and the Nazi factions that moved in the U.S. including top scientist from Nazi Germany.

Dr Fred bell said some really interesting things about depression. He stated that the govt is using cell phone towers and satalite systems that are beaming frequencies to us that repeat things like "hate, murder, anger, hate...". Have this beam at someone all day long and it will bring someone down. Someone that is more sensitive may feel this more AND...if you take prescriptions, the prescriptions contain angel dust that are meant to interact with the satellite systems to make you feel even crazier. Now I hear they are using nanotechnology in prescriptions. So what you may think Is you going crazy, may be the satellite systems interacting with some toxin in your brain. Dr. Fred bell had people use his pyramid technology, I think his website is still online to help detox their brains of these chemicals.

I have also heard from another military scientist whistleblower that the chemicals we are being exposed to cause brain misfiring. The nerves in the brain are getting attacked by all the stuff we are breathing in and therefore our brain messaging system doesn't work properly and the same dark depressing feelings will go through the brain over and over again. For this problem I was told to take Egg Lecithin daily all day long. It protects the nerves from this brain firing. In addition, I like taking lavender oil ad bach flower remedies.

It's really hard to live on this 3rd dimensional world. I don't think the medical community has ever found any medical proof of bi-polar disorder. What ithink may be bi-polar is just 3rd dimensional angst combined with trauma from childhood and just being in this type of animalistic environment. How many of us would feel depression if we were beamed with unconditional love all day long???? Probably none of us! I think that what we feel is a desire for love and a desire to end the traumatic memories that this 3rd dimensional world has given to us.

I think every person that I have ever known, no matter how good their life appears on the outside has experienced some form of depression. I think that it's just hard to live in this frequency. I think it's a matter of detoxing our bodies and brains of all the toxins that are being sprayed and are in food. I believe that many of the psychological disorders are viruses, fungus and other foreign substances in the brain that cause neurofibrillary tangles that cause different areas to mis-fire. That is why herbs such as antiviral herbs are what I take daily. And egg lecithin plus tons of detoxing. Also, far infrared therapy.

[Justintime]

I used to listen to Dr. Fred Bell's old radio shows on BBS radio. He I believe was taken out after being interviewed by Jessie Ventura for his TV show. Dr. Fred Bell was a Nasa Rocket Scientist and holistic doctor. He's also a relative of Alexander Graham Bell and grew up as a young kid working for the military and the Nazi factions that moved in the U.S. including top scientist from Nazi Germany.

Dr Fred bell said some really interesting things about depression. He stated that the govt is using cell phone towers and satalite systems that are beaming frequencies to us that repeat things like "hate, murder, anger, hate...". Have this beam at someone all day long and it will bring someone down. Someone that is more sensitive may feel this more AND...if you take prescriptions, the prescriptions contain angel dust that are meant to interact with the satellite systems to make you feel even crazier. Now I hear they are using nanotechnology in prescriptions. So what you may think Is you going crazy, may be the satellite systems interacting with some toxin in your brain. Dr. Fred bell had people use his pyramid technology, I think his website is still online to help detox their brains of these chemicals.

I have also heard from another military scientist whistleblower that the chemicals we are being exposed to cause brain misfiring. The nerves in the brain are getting attacked by all the stuff we are breathing in and therefore our brain messaging system doesn't work properly and the same dark depressing feelings will go through the brain over and over again. For this problem I was told to take Egg Lecithin daily all day long. It protects the nerves from this brain firing. In addition, I like taking lavender oil ad bach flower remedies.

It's really hard to live on this 3rd dimensional world. I don't think the medical community has ever found any medical proof of bi-polar disorder. What ithink may be bi-polar is just 3rd dimensional angst combined with trauma from childhood and just being in this type of animalistic environment. How many of us would feel depression if we were beamed with unconditional love all day long???? Probably none of us! I think that what we feel is a desire for love and a desire to end the traumatic memories that this 3rd dimensional world has given to us.

I think every person that I have ever known, no matter how good their life appears on the outside has experienced some form of depression. I think that it's just hard to live in this frequency. I think it's a matter of detoxing our bodies and brains of all the toxins that are being sprayed and are in food. I believe that many of the psychological disorders are viruses, fungus and other foreign substances in the brain that cause neurofibrillary tangles that cause different areas to mis-fire. That is why herbs such as antiviral herbs are what I take daily. And egg lecithin plus tons of detoxing. Also, far infrared therapy.

Yeah, it's a strange thing mental illness and these are extremely strange times if not extremely f-d up times. It's hard to know what's what and who to trust. When we look at Columbine, The Batman Movie Killer and Adam Lanza I think we could say that there could very well have been the type of brain manipulation you are discussing here. However, even though all these guys were on medication, this sort of manipulation can be done with or without the interaction of the pills and radio waves.

I would never suggest someone diagnosed with any mental illness to stop taking their medication. I have always gone off the deep end after stopping my medication. I may have been fine for a month or two or even six, but my most f-d up behavior has been when I'm off my medication. I have hurt too many people to not learn this lesson. Sometimes you just have to trust in the system and sometimes it works.

[sigma6]

It does look like they have developed a full blown science, how long have they been researching this? Assuming the research gleaned from the German Project Paper Clip Nazi scientists, since it is all under the umbrella of the NWO continuation, (so don't hate on Hitler eh...) then this research goes back at least to the 40's, and peaked at the height of the "American Dream" in the 60's.

Today it could very well be a sophisticated government controlled multi pronged approach. They may be using drugs, hypnotic entrainment, social infrastructure (ie, ostracizing, politicizing, political correctness, advertising, movies,) wireless electronic frequency technology (cell phone towers, smart meters, wireless internet?) combined against a physically comprised constitution due to GMO, poor diet, elimination of healthy bacteria, vitamins and minerals in "healthy" foods (notice how everyone has a bloated stomach these days, compared to the 70s and previous decades?) with symptoms like sleep disorders, anxiety, depression, ADD, autism, paranoia (justified in this case), allergies (again lack of healthy bacteria, digestive enzymes...) etc, etc...

"For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places." Remember these forces consider themselves gods, and like to call each other "your worship"