Death and the Quiet Miracle

[Freed Fox]

Preface

This is something I've held back for some time. I've only told two people about it before, and both are close relatives.

It isn't that I'm afraid, but it is difficult to talk about on a personal level. Further, I asked myself, who else could benefit from this, and how?

Recent events and conversations I've had here have been steering me in this direction, so I felt the time had perhaps come. Synchronicites, it would seem. I've also been taking a rather skeptical stance on issues of late, so perhaps - in a sense - I need to remind myself of something which is unmistakeably real to me, yet almost unbelievable objectively.


I would endeavor to make this thread about more than sharing my own experience, by possibly opening the discussion for perspectives on (and preparations for) death itself.

Warning: it's a bit graphic. I don't really look forward to posting this, but it's feeling like a weight I need to get off my chest. Like I mentioned, I've told two people previously, but not after the reflection and contemplation I've engaged in since.


The 'Quiet Miracle'

About a year and a half ago, I started having serious health problems. I was experiencing severe blood loss, on a daily basis, lasting three straight weeks.

I had taken two years of health-related courses in college, essentially training to become an medical assistant. So, although I'm definitely no doctor, I do have a stronger background in medicine than the average joe.

I knew enough to understand that I was in serious trouble...but then again, it wouldn't take a college diploma to ascertain that. It was quite obvious, and evident, but only to me. I wasn't losing blood before anyone else's eyes but alone in the bathroom stall.

I'm not great at estimating volumes of liquid but I must have been losing close to a pint a day. I fully understand how absurd that is, as the human body only contains around 10 pints normally.

I understood the gravity of the situation, but I said nothing. I did nothing. I simply waited. I felt ready, come what may. Even if I wasn't in the best financial situation at the time, I could have gone to the E.R. It certainly was an emergency, and I would have likely been admitted there. It is what I would have been driven to, had I been truly scared.

I do admit, however, that fear did creep in a little toward the end. I started getting frequent bouts of dizziness, light-headedness, fatigue, loss of balance, and tingling in the extremities... symptoms which were pretty much expected by then. There's a certain reflexive fear that comes, when something abnormal is happening to you and the reality hits home... You realize it is beyond your control. Still, I waited.

And then it happened; that is, nothing happened. The problem cleared up on its own, miraculously. This miracle was not an event so much as the lack of an event. For whatever reason, I didn't die as I should have.

Now, this was simply too much for me to write off. It made me reconsider certain things about both life and death.


Contemplation

Life sometimes feels to me like a series of lessons, or perhaps a test of some sort. Other times, it feels like a prison sentence.

Other times still, it feels like a sick joke.

I didn't seek help because I wanted to die. The only thing that has changed is that now, in light of this 'miracle', I feel an obligation to live. Medically speaking, I should be dead. The fact that I'm not seems to point to something higher, greater, more mysterious... but why? Why spare me when so many others die young?

I have some distant hope that this is all for a reason, and I need only be patient. I'd also like to think that if there is a force potent enough to sustain me as it did, then it can also point me in the right direction, or at least give me a nudge... Still, this direction has yet to appear. Purpose and meaning yet to manifest.

Sometimes I wonder if it wasn't so much my life being spared, as it was my death being denied. After all, it does not represent the end to me, but a release.

So, I continue striving for patience... and continue posing these questions, even though I'm not holding my breath for the answers.

[Carmen]

That's quite a story Freed Fox, thanks for sharing it with us. It cannot have been your destiny to go. It was very brave of you doing nothing about your condition, and what a fabulous miracle to impart. Did you get any incites or knowingness about your direction in life after your miracle cure?

Oh, I didn't read closely enough! You are still waiting for some sort of incite! I'm sure it will come, with patience.

[WhiteFeather]

Thank you for sharing. What i got from this story is It seems you have a purpose or mission in this current incarnation. Your soul knows it. And wants to take care of it now. Why wait for the next incarnation. It wants to accomplish something of greater importance in this incarnation. As This came to mind. Great Story. Glad to hear of your well being. Get her done!

[jiminii]

Preface

This is something I've held back for some time. I've only told two people about it before, and both are close relatives.

It isn't that I'm afraid, but it is difficult to talk about on a personal level. Further, I asked myself, who else could benefit from this, and how?

Recent events and conversations I've had here have been steering me in this direction, so I felt the time had perhaps come. Synchronicites, it would seem. I've also been taking a rather skeptical stance on issues of late, so perhaps - in a sense - I need to remind myself of something which is unmistakeably real to me, yet almost unbelievable objectively.


I would endeavor to make this thread about more than sharing my own experience, by possibly opening the discussion for perspectives on (and preparations for) death itself.

Warning: it's a bit graphic. I don't really look forward to posting this, but it's feeling like a weight I need to get off my chest. Like I mentioned, I've told two people previously, but not after the reflection and contemplation I've engaged in since.


The 'Quiet Miracle'

About a year and a half ago, I started having serious health problems. I was experiencing severe blood loss, on a daily basis, lasting three straight weeks.

I had taken two years of health-related courses in college, essentially training to become an medical assistant. So, although I'm definitely no doctor, I do have a stronger background in medicine than the average joe.

I knew enough to understand that I was in serious trouble...but then again, it wouldn't take a college diploma to ascertain that. It was quite obvious, and evident, but only to me. I wasn't losing blood before anyone else's eyes but alone in the bathroom stall.

I'm not great at estimating volumes of liquid but I must have been losing close to a pint a day. I fully understand how absurd that is, as the human body only contains around 10 pints normally.

I understood the gravity of the situation, but I said nothing. I did nothing. I simply waited. I felt ready, come what may. Even if I wasn't in the best financial situation at the time, I could have gone to the E.R. It certainly was an emergency, and I would have likely been admitted there. It is what I would have been driven to, had I been truly scared.

I do admit, however, that fear did creep in a little toward the end. I started getting frequent bouts of dizziness, light-headedness, fatigue, loss of balance, and tingling in the extremities... symptoms which were pretty much expected by then. There's a certain reflexive fear that comes, when something abnormal is happening to you and the reality hits home... You realize it is beyond your control. Still, I waited.

And then it happened; that is, nothing happened. The problem cleared up on its own, miraculously. This miracle was not an event so much as the lack of an event. For whatever reason, I didn't die as I should have.

Now, this was simply too much for me to write off. It made me reconsider certain things about both life and death.


Contemplation

Life sometimes feels to me like a series of lessons, or perhaps a test of some sort. Other times, it feels like a prison sentence.

Other times still, it feels like a sick joke.

I didn't seek help because I wanted to die. The only thing that has changed is that now, in light of this 'miracle', I feel an obligation to live. Medically speaking, I should be dead. The fact that I'm not seems to point to something higher, greater, more mysterious... but why? Why spare me when so many others die young?

I have some distant hope that this is all for a reason, and I need only be patient. I'd also like to think that if there is a force potent enough to sustain me as it did, then it can also point me in the right direction, or at least give me a nudge... Still, this direction has yet to appear. Purpose and meaning yet to manifest.

Sometimes I wonder if it wasn't so much my life being spared, as it was my death being denied. After all, it does not represent the end to me, but a release.

So, I continue striving for patience... and continue posing these questions, even though I'm not holding my breath for the answers.

you can read my story about a 16 pound sledge hammer going through my head right after the driller who swung it missed the hammer wrench and hit me directly in the forehead. It felt like my whole head was split open and I just stood there thinking, "is my head still there ... is my head still there ... is my head still there", with my hands busy searching for what might be some kind of head, and suddenly the head reappears ...

the entire back of my head was packed with dried blood in thick paste like jelly all through the hair and when I wash it all off, (took about 10 minutes washing), there is no bump, no cut, no headache .... where did all the blood come from ??????


looks like you are a much higher level then you could ever possibly imagine, but never had those chances to find out until this happens,

welcome to the spiritual world.

jim

[Limor Wolf]

Hi Freed Fox, I always enjoy reading your posts where you express yourself so well, and this one, unbeknowest to you, is a gift to me since I am right at that place you yourself were a while ago.


The Road Not Taken

By Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.


Confronting both possibilities, standing in this crossroads, where we all stood many times before and we all will in future times ahead, allows a rapid development of the soul, and the contentment that both ways are valid, there is no fear in the soul who knows itself, only the struggles of the body :


"I said nothing. I did nothing. I simply waited. I felt ready, come what may."


"There's a certain reflexive fear that comes, when something abnormal is happening to you and the reality hits home... You realize it is beyond your control. Still, I waited."

This next one takes us back to the road diverged in the woods..


"Life sometimes feels to me like a series of lessons, or perhaps a test of some sort. Other times, it feels like a prison sentence."



"Medically speaking, I should be dead. The fact that I'm not seems to point to something higher, greater, more mysterious..."
The taste of this 'mysterious' thing is the most interesting and captivating from all other 'tastes', and it contains them all - the bitter and the sweet, the sour and the spicy, and it apparently left you, Freed Fox, with one more wonder to the great bag of wonders. Such is life - full of quiet miracles. And I will wait patiently myself.

Thanks for sharing your personal experience with us, you never know who catches what you send with the wind

Limor

[Dorjezigzag]

So great that you found healing

Indeed we live in a world where miracles happen but often people refuse to see them.

Anything that is outside someone’s restricted belief system simply does not exist. Despite all evidence pointing to the contrary

[GloriousPoetry]

Freed Fox,

I read somewhere that the loss of blood or problems with blood represents the loss of joy in someone's life. Perhaps you had to cleanse yourself of this to move on to a higher understanding of some kind..........thank you for sharing

May you continue to understand your purpose in this world.....

[chocolate]

Freed Fox, you are not alone.
It takes selflessness to express all of what you had gone through.
I hope you have gained strength and trust in your own power and spirit. You are still young, in earth years, so with the time your path will seem more and more clear. Sometimes the most powerful revelations happen to you when you go back in your otherwise uneventful life. Than you get the picture in full.
Thank you for sharing.

[conk]

These events are not miracles, they are of our true nature and ability. Without understanding, but still knowing, you healed yourself. There are many healers in the world who heal only with touch or mind, either source drawing from the one true power in the Universe. State the intention, envision the outcome as if it has happened, get the F out of the way and forget it. If you think about it again the vortex crumbles. You must immediately focus your thoughts on something else entirely and allow. The allowing is crucial. The Universe does it, not us. No true healer claims to do anything!

[jiminii]

Hi Freed Fox, I always enjoy reading your posts where you express yourself so well, and this one, unbeknowest to you, is a gift to me since I am right at that place you yourself were a while ago.


The Road Not Taken

By Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.


Confronting both possibilities, standing in this crossroads, where we all stood many times before and we all will in future times ahead, allows a rapid development of the soul, and the contentment that both ways are valid, there is no fear in the soul who knows itself, only the struggles of the body :


"I said nothing. I did nothing. I simply waited. I felt ready, come what may."


"There's a certain reflexive fear that comes, when something abnormal is happening to you and the reality hits home... You realize it is beyond your control. Still, I waited."

This next one takes us back to the road diverged in the woods..


"Life sometimes feels to me like a series of lessons, or perhaps a test of some sort. Other times, it feels like a prison sentence."



"Medically speaking, I should be dead. The fact that I'm not seems to point to something higher, greater, more mysterious..."
The taste of this 'mysterious' thing is the most interesting and captivating from all other 'tastes', and it contains them all - the bitter and the sweet, the sour and the spicy, and it apparently left you, Freed Fox, with one more wonder to the great bag of wonders. Such is life - full of quiet miracles. And I will wait patiently myself.

Thanks for sharing your personal experience with us, you never know who catches what you send with the wind

Limor

no you simply waited and CONFRONTED IT. THAT IS THE IMPORTANT THING.
THAT what you can confront you can handle.

You CONFRONTED your problem and YOU THEREFORE HANDLED IT.
if you BACKED OUT LIKE MOST PEOPLE then maybe it wouldn't have happened.

jim

[nenosema]

Thank you.

I had this happen not to long ago, bleeding from inside. listened to some classical piano to sort of soothe it somehow.
at first bewildered wondering how this could happen, at the same time, i did not want to be here anymore. I took it as a gift and situated some things.

could feelit getting worse, was thinking about meaning.. came to a conclusion once
started to embrace it, it went away



Limor, thank you too, this poem has been on my mind

[jiminii]

admiration is such a high pure energy that without it things tend to persist.

so admiration can also make things vanish

jim

[RunningDeer]

Hi Freed Fox,

Thank you for the reminder that miracles are Here and Now. One of mine I’ve shared before. Here’s a shortened version for the newer Avalonians. There are sad parts but more inspirational ones, too.

When my son, Michael, passed away in December, 1994, the evening before his burial, I lost it big time. My screams were muffled in a pillow. I flipped from rage to unrealistic deals to anyone out there that’d listen. Then the whole bedroom filled with a beautiful, beau-ti-ful blue that could never be replicated in 3D world. Michael showed me an infinity symbol with a gentle reminder that I had to stay. “This was the plan, Mom. Remember the plan.”

At that time, my bedroom was filled with boxes of books and I couldn’t say why I was tearing through them. Until one book revealed itself. It was “Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah," by Richard Bach. Every page I opened to, Michael spoke to me. I’d ask a question, and the perfect answer came through a sentence on a page.

Then, I was directed two floors down to my office. I pulled open my computer shelf and there smack in the middle was a feather. I had been collecting them for a couple of months not knowing why. On the cover of the “Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah," there was a feather. And it was an important turning point in the story of a teacher that had died but floated a feather onto to his forlorn student.

I placed it in my power bag. I was so afraid of loosing it that I also put it into a plastic baseball envelop that I cut down and taped the outside edge to preserve this precious gift. It brought me strength and assurance that Michael was close by. A couple of days later, I discovered that my feather gift was gone. Oddly, I knew it served it's purpose. And it was okay. Loss of stuff had taken on a whole new meaning.

By April, I was at another crossroads, still deep in sorrow. I tossed out a request for relief, answers, confirmation, anything. I asked God or the Universe or anyone that would listen for a sign that things would turn around. Well, I got two. A blue jay flew down by my office window that was only about a foot or two from ground level. At first, I wasn’t sure. And as if reading my mind, she hopped a quarter of a turn, so I could get a better look.

If you know anything about blue jays, they are skittish. I wasn’t sure if she spotted me and I knew I had but a few seconds to check her out. This blue jay had reverse color markings: completely white, and she had purple feathers rather than the blue where typically the white markings would go. And just when I began to doubt her, another blue jay flew right down beside her and let out a big squawk as if to say, “Now, do you believe?”

Then, a second sign a few hours later happened. I was on the main floor of the house when I was directed to look out the window. And there was a 100% white squirrel scurrying across a branch.

I am grateful for the opportunity to experience our ability for boundless, human potential. Each experience when fully present enlivens greater co-creation.

Peace,
Paula


http://paula.avalonlibrary.net/Recovered/feather_zpsc34713cf.JPG

[Freed Fox]

Thank you everyone for the kind words. I can see my fears about the negativity of this subject were unfounded, as you've 'brought the light' spectacularly. Wish I could give you all a great big hug... There's a smiley for that, sure, but it doesn't quite cut it.

Ah... what the heck? :grouphug:

Paula; I was a bit floored by what you posted, but not entirely for the obvious reasons. Without a doubt, it is a remarkable story, and I appreciate your sharing it.

What struck me in particular was the book... You see, I own it, but have not yet read it. It was one of a very small number of books which wasn't lost during my last physical move. It was given to me by a dear friend with whom I had a falling out... An unfortunate circumstance which was largely my own fault. I was in the throes of my ego at its height back then. I'm still somewhat ashamed of what I had become, but also see it as a cause for gratitude... appreciating how far I've come since.

This certainly seems like a strong sychronicity to me... I guess it's time I read that book.

[RunningDeer]

This certainly seems like a strong sychronicity to me... I guess it's time I read that book.

Months before Michael’s suicide, I had this inexplicable desire to pass out copies. It took some time for the greater perspective to unfold and the importance of the book. It would be a couple of days later, I got a call to go over to my ex-husband's home for the news.

I was doing Tai Chi in my classroom before the students came in, when I got a flash that something big was about to happen. The feeling was that this was either one of great joy or great sadness. I instinctively knew that: it was huge, I had no control over it and I had to accept it. Then, a voice from somewhere in my head said, "We are never given more than we can handle."

I covered up my fear with a cocky attitude of “Bring it on!”. And that was that. That is until after school, I was on my way to Border’s Bookstore when I felt an inescapable doom and panic. Then, I was aware of a huge presence in the back seat of my car. I checked the rear view mirror and saw nothing. But right then I had another flash of Michael. It was too painful, so, I blocked it out.

At the bookstore, I listened in on a conversation of a young boy about ten whom was wise beyond his years and his Mom. He shared his knowledge and acceptance of his dying grandfather. I don’t recall the words. It was the between that filled me.

I had been following any and all gut feelings. This one said to purchase a copy and pass it along to the boy. I heard them talk about wrapping up their visit because it was time to get back to Grandfather.

I went as far as to purchase a copy, but then my rubber legs hide in the Border’s Bookstore bathroom. I made a deal with myself that if they were still in the store, I’d follow through.

They were in the check out line. I explained to him that I had a feeling he’d understand what the book was about. If not today, then a little later on. I don’t recall what they said in return. My ears were ringing and I worked hard to swallow the choking emotions.

I had a lot of those kinds of experience before and after Michael’s death. Most can’t be documented because physical evidence came and went as needed. So it’s easy for me to be open to all possibility because I know it is so.


“Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah," by Richard Bach.

http://avalonlibrary.net/paula/Recovered/feather_zpsc34713cf.JPG

At the risk of sounding [fill in the blank], I’d re-share the last part of my healing process:

I was obsesses with collecting different feathers before, during and after Michael’s rebirth. In order for me to move on, I needed two feathers: a humming bird and an eagle feather. It was 6 months after he passed, I went for a visit to my sister’s place in CA. This one morning, I stared out the window when a humming bird fluttered in one spot long enough for me to see. And when I wondered, he shifted a few inches over so I could get a longer look. (I’ve since got a humming bird feather.)

Several days later, we headed to Las Vegas to hook up with our parents. My sister and I are walking around and I had this pull to go into the Luxor Hotel, right to a particular display case. I pointed to an old Egyptian coin and told my sister there’s something about that one. A sales person came over and asked if we'd like to see it. I’m half listening to his spiel, and he turns it over and says there’s an eagle on the back. My sister’s eye went wide-wide. I said I’ll take it. I didn’t even ask the price. (I was crazy back then. It’s what I needed to move on.)

The last part of the eagle story was I kept it in my jean vest pocket. Just weeks after returning from the trip, I lost it. I remembered putting into the pocket that morning, by evening it was gone. It must have dropped out when I bent down. Not so surprising to me, I was fine. It served as the last piece to find peace.

Thank you, Freed Fox for creating this healing space.

Hearts,
Paula

[Freed Fox]

Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished;
If you're alive, it isn't.

What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly.

[karamba]

Hello Freed Fox thank you for sharing your great story! Love and Light to your Heart!:kiss:

[Freed Fox]

On Death
by John Keats

Can death be sleep, when life is but a dream,
And scenes of bliss pass as a phantom by?
The transient pleasures as a vision seem,
And yet we think the greatest pain is to die.

How strange it is that man on earth should roam,
And lead a life of woe, but not forsake
His rugged path; nor dare he view alone
His future doom which is but to awake.



From “Song of Myself ”
by Walt Whitman

I wish I could translate the hints about the dead young men and women,
And the hints about old men and mothers, and the offspring taken soon
out of their laps.
What do you think has become of the young and old men?
And what do you think has become of the women and children?

They are alive and well somewhere,
The smallest sprout shows there is really no death,
And if ever there was it led forward life, and does not wait at the end to
arrest it,
And ceas’d the moment life appear’d.

All goes onward and outward, nothing collapses,
And to die is different from what any one supposed, and luckier.

[pabranno]

Freed Fox,

I want to say this right.
Your opening post: those could be my words, only I don't have your courage.
I understand exactly.
I too have almost been almost willing myself to pass, for reasons that are beyond me.

As I have reached out and grown, one thought consumes me, and anchors me:
THIS LIFE IS IMPORTANT....
I don't know why, and I don't know where to go, and I don't seem to be getting direction or guidanace,
but I cannot deny it: This Life is Important.

I understand.
I will say a prayer for you tonight.
I don't say that lightly, because I am a novice.. in all these things.

Thank you for your courage in sharing: I am amazed at the synchronicity.

Gratefully,
Pamela

[carriellbee]

you can read my story about a 16 pound sledge hammer going through my head right after the driller who swung it missed the hammer wrench and hit me directly in the forehead. It felt like my whole head was split open and I just stood there thinking, "is my head still there ... is my head still there ... is my head still there", with my hands busy searching for what might be some kind of head, and suddenly the head reappears ...

the entire back of my head was packed with dried blood in thick paste like jelly all through the hair and when I wash it all off, (took about 10 minutes washing), there is no bump, no cut, no headache .... where did all the blood come from ??????


looks like you are a much higher level then you could ever possibly imagine, but never had those chances to find out until this happens,

welcome to the spiritual world.

jim

This has got to be the most amazing healing story I have come across! Thank you so much, jim, for sharing it.

[carriellbee]

These events are not miracles, they are of our true nature and ability. Without understanding, but still knowing, you healed yourself. There are many healers in the world who heal only with touch or mind, either source drawing from the one true power in the Universe. State the intention, envision the outcome as if it has happened, get the F out of the way and forget it. If you think about it again the vortex crumbles. You must immediately focus your thoughts on something else entirely and allow. The allowing is crucial. The Universe does it, not us. No true healer claims to do anything!

I wish I could thank you more than once, conk!