Tactics of Manipulation

[AutumnW]

Below are tactics of manipulation. If you spot a poster using a few of these some of the time, it doesn't mean anything other than they are human. But if you notice someone garnering a lot of attention while using tactics below, you might want to question their authenticity. It is really easy to just straight up lie, online. Who will really know the difference?

I am posting this simply so that others can question authenticity. To go further and say, 'for sure poster A or B is a lying manipulator!' is fraught with difficulty, because you can't know for sure...ever. You can only make an educated guess and it should remain just that...a guess, unless you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are being lied to and that dishonesty is the intent.


Lying: It is hard to tell if somebody is lying at the time they do it, although often the truth may be apparent later when it is too late. One way to minimize the chances of being lied to is to understand that some personality types (particularly psychopaths) are experts at the art of lying and cheating, doing it frequently, and often in subtle ways.

Lying by omission: This is a very subtle form of lying by withholding a significant amount of the truth. This technique is also used in propaganda.

Denial: Manipulator refuses to admit that he or she has done something wrong.

Rationalization: An excuse made by the manipulator for inappropriate behavior. Rationalization is closely related to spin.

Minimization: This is a type of denial coupled with rationalization. The manipulator asserts that his or her behavior is not as harmful or irresponsible as someone else was suggesting, for example saying that a taunt or insult was only a joke.

Selective inattention or selective attention: Manipulator refuses to pay attention to anything that may distract from his or her agenda, saying things like "I don't want to hear it".

Diversion: Manipulator not giving a straight answer to a straight question and instead being diversionary, steering the conversation onto another topic.

Evasion: Similar to diversion but giving irrelevant, rambling, vague responses, weasel words.

Covert intimidation: Manipulator throwing the victim onto the defensive by using veiled (subtle, indirect or implied) threats.

Guilt trip: A special kind of intimidation tactic. A manipulator suggests to the conscientious victim that he or she does not care enough, is too selfish or has it easy. This usually results in the victim feeling bad, keeping them in a self-doubting, anxious and submissive position.

Shaming: Manipulator uses sarcasm and put-downs to increase fear and self-doubt in the victim. Manipulators use this tactic to make others feel unworthy and therefore defer to them. Shaming tactics can be very subtle such as a fierce look or glance, unpleasant tone of voice, rhetorical comments, subtle sarcasm. Manipulators can make one feel ashamed for even daring to challenge them. It is an effective way to foster a sense of inadequacy in the victim.

Playing the victim role: Manipulator portrays him- or herself as a victim of circumstance or of someone else's behavior in order to gain pity, sympathy or evoke compassion and thereby get something from another. Caring and conscientious people cannot stand to see anyone suffering and the manipulator often finds it easy to play on sympathy to get cooperation.

Vilifying the victim: More than any other, this tactic is a powerful means of putting the victim on the defensive while simultaneously masking the aggressive intent of the manipulator.

Playing the servant role: Cloaking a self-serving agenda in guise of a service to a more noble cause, for example saying he is acting in a certain way to be "obedient" to or in "service" to an authority figure or "just doing their job".

Seduction: Manipulator uses charm, praise, flattery or overtly supporting others in order to get them to lower their defenses and give their trust and loyalty to him or her.

Projecting the blame (blaming others): Manipulator scapegoats in often subtle, hard-to-detect ways.

Feigning innocence: Manipulator tries to suggest that any harm done was unintentional or that they did not do something that they were accused of. Manipulator may put on a look of surprise or indignation. This tactic makes the victim question his or her own judgment and possibly his own sanity.

Feigning confusion: Manipulator tries to play dumb by pretending he or she does not know what the victim is talking about or is confused about an important issue brought to his attention.

Brandishing anger: Manipulator uses anger to brandish sufficient emotional intensity and rage to shock the victim into submission. The manipulator is not actually angry, he or she just puts on an act. He just wants what he wants and gets "angry" when denied.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_manipulation

[GoodETxSG]

Looking now for an apt link to match this one for "Controlling" personalities... They go hand in hand with this info.

[AutumnW]

Edited due to length, and not entirely on topic

[Milneman]

Autumn,

Here's another way of looking at it.

I think your sister is dealing with an incredible amount of pain. People who avoid dealing with emotions generally do so because they're afraid if they do, they'll loose control and then they'll totally be fluster cucked.

Don't internalize it or take it personally. The only thing this has to do with you is if you get too close to triggering the emotions for your sister, she's going to clam up.

Some people handle emotions differently. I think I'm in the same camp as you. I tend to really be aware of my emotions, and in the past that's gotten me into a lot of trouble. It doesn't mean she doesn't love you. It just means she's dealing with her pain in her way, and it might be destructive, but that's her problem.

If you love your sister, the most painful thing in the world is going to be watching her self destruct, and then being there to help her pick up the pieces when the time comes...but don't push. The harder you push, the longer it will take, if at all.

Just love her, be honest with her, and be yourself.

I have the same issues with my mother. I haven't spoken to her in over a year, and that kills me. But the bottom line is she's toxic to me because the way she sees things will kill me if I buy into it, and I can't go down that road again.

I'm pullin for you sis.

PS: GO RIDERS! WOOOOO!

[AutumnW]

Milneman, She may have huge emotional pains, mild pain, or she may be just void. I don't know. I can't put myself in her shoes. As she is always playing a role, acting, it's hard to know what she is actually feeling. I no longer internalize her image of me, at all. She has the same problems with most people. They don't measure up, aren't good enough, aren't 'positive' enough, lack confidence.

She has gone through one husband, hated his family, disdained all of her co-workers, dislikes her current husband's mother, sister, had problems with brother. This is a partial list. One of my aunts, a kindly woman who lived 'on the wrong side of the tracks,' was described by sis as being 'below zero. I can't be bothered to acknowledge her existence.' Her sin was to open a small business and not succeed. So, live by the sword, die by the sword. At some point people do learn the hard way and end up being judged in as harsh a manner as they have judged others.

I would question whether someone who has such contempt for others can feel love for them, simultaneously. These emotions seem to exist at opposite ends of the spectrum. However, if the personality is very unstable, very changeable and superficial, the feelings of 'love' could be there, but they are not particularly substantial.

I am so happy for you that you are taking steps to deal with your mother. People like this will take you down, if you let them. And it has to be that much tougher when it's your mother. My heart goes out to you. I had problems with my mother, but in many ways she was so remarkable and so loving and forgiving, I can't do much but appreciate her now.

[AutumnW]

GoodeTSXG,

Is this what you were looking for?

"In last week’s post (see: Manipulation Tactics: A Closer Look), we began a more in-depth discussion of some of the more common manipulation tactics as well as how and why they work. That discussion continues in this week’s post.

One of the more common responsibility-avoidance behaviors and a frequent manipulation tactic is minimization. This is when the disturbed character attempts to trivialize a wrong or harmful behavior. It’s their attempt to make a mole hill out of a mountain. You might confront them on something serious, but they try to get you to believe that you’re over-reacting, being overly judgmental, and unfairly assessing the nature of their wrongdoing.

Minimization works as a manipulation tactic because no self-respecting neurotic wants to think of him/herself as unfair or unreasonable. So, if I can get you to believe that you made a rash or unfair judgment of me or my actions, I can easily get you to back off or back down in your confrontation. I might even get you to question your assessment of me. Even if I am a monster, if I can make you think you’ve unfairly cast me as a monster, you’ll probably get to wondering if you’re not the monster yourself.

http://www.manipulative-people.com/manipulation-tactics-a-closer-look-part-2/