Healing vs. Enabling

[Shezbeth]

One subject that seems to pop up with general consistency all over the web is the idea and/or desire for healing, prayers, thoughts, and support; In general, conscious manifestation and/or manipulation of probability.

Not to besmirch individuals who do and have asked for prayers and support - both for themselves and others - I have to wonder if the overall outcome is necessarily the most favorable for those involved.

While on one hand, I empathize (mostly) with individuals who find themselves subject to (as Hamlet put it) the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, I also recognize (when details are available) that many of those slings and arrows are the result of contextual details that the individual may not be conscious of, but have a decisive effect on the consequential manifestation. Simply, that which is either subsequent or consequent was set in motion by one or more forms of obsequence.

Random cancer sufferer #7 for example might seem afflicted, and I do not contest that some/many cancer sufferers' condition is/seems the result of circumstances beyond their control. There are those however who's cancer IS clearly the result of poor choices that may not have seemed so egregious at the time but culminated in the reality one faces. A smoker for example (IMO) has no business asking for healing and prayers when they contract lung cancer. Moreover there are those who's afflictions are largely to do with dietary and environmental concerns which - though brought on by either/or nescience and ignorance - are entirely addressable and largely treatable, especially with alot of the cancer research that has gone on (the alternative type, not the pharma-nonsensical variety).

More generally, adversities and afflictions of circumstances often produce some of the most profound changes in the individual. Some of the most advanced mystics, philosophers and spiritualists have found their place precisely by the loss or affliction that necessitated the development, often a complete collapse of any and all personal establishment.

The point I'm trying to illustrate is that I often find it hard to commit to the sending of healing and prayer because the more I dig into generalities or specifics, the more the line is blurred between unfortunate recipient and un/conscious participant, and as the latter becomes apparent I have a hard time resolving the divide between the terms in the thread title. With the removal of the overall consequence of action/circumstance, an individual's development can become stunted and obstructed. None of this is universal of course, which is why there are requests that I will willingly participate in (esp on Avalon).

http://projectavalon.net/forum4/showthread.php?67776-Please-help--My-best-friend-needs-praying-for-and-positive-thoughts-sending-her-way-
Mpod's example of his friend set me off introspectively, because while I was quick to offer suggestions and support, I also have to critically analyze my OWN motivations, having experienced similar circumstances in my own associations. Was it a desire to reconcile my own inability to contribute to the situation of MY fellows that inspired me, or was it a selfish desire to try and alleviate some of the adverse experiences I had, even though it was those very experiences that put me in a position to contribute on the level I could.

In summary, when seems appropriate I enjoy participating (directly or energetically) in the successful surpass of adversity but I also recognize that what I deem 'appropriate' comes from my own personal judgements and opinions which are both fallible and illusory.

[enfoldedblue]

I agree with the general sentiment of your post. How I interpret it generally is: we are not really helping someone when we feed into their perception of themselves as a victim---ie nurturing their embracement of victim mentality. Ohhh poor me... I am a victim of circumstance...all these terrible things have happened to me...life is unfair. I personally believe that true empowerment can only come when we can recognize how our perception of ourselves as victim is actually feeding a lot of circumstances we find ourselves enmeshed in, and that when we shift our perception from victim to creator we take back our autonomy and our power.

However, shifting this perception does not mean that difficult things stop happening to us altogether, rather instead we see our challenges as opportunities to grow and learn, rather than as punishment or injustice.

There is a fine line between helping and enabling. For myself the way I distinguish is how it affects my energy field. If I feel drained and depleted through offering assistance then it is probably not something that is healthy for me to engage in. However if I feel my heart being activated and it makes me feel more loving, open and connected then it probably is a positive action.


For me it is important mot to try to use my head to judge weather someone 'deserves' my energy or not ...ie well that person smoked so it is their fault they have cancer. We can never know another person's journey...maybe they started smoking as a young teen as a means to cope with horrific abuse. We have all made mistakes. We all deserve love.

[Shezbeth]

Thank you, I agree with your assessment. One of my principle motivations for opining and inquiring so regards past experience with churches and religions, where anyone and everyone was encouraged to ask for prayers and sometimes healing for oftentimes entirely mundane and/or material things. As an example, I know of members of a church group who asked for prayers for the success of their business, though I know from personal experience that their business model and practices tend to be less in favor of the consumer/client's benefit and more in favor of the business' (in comparison to comparable yet more successful business' models and practices). While I find it abject to ask such things, 1. that is only my opinion and 2. there were plenty who felt more than happy/willing to participate. I recognize that such gestures and activities help to strengthen the communal mentality of such groups, but I still have to wonder rhetorically.

[Freed Fox]

There's no good reason to withhold compassion. If it becomes 'enabling', it merely needs to be combined with something else (affirmations, positive actions, personal changes, etc).

If someone else's challenges or suffering is meant to serve a greater purpose (such as their own development/betterment), then no amount of prayers, good intent, or positive energies sent by you or even the entire world is going to change that. And if by some miracle it did, the lesson would simply be postponed to a later time, whether in that same lifetime or the next. Assuming otherwise is giving yourself too much credit, IMO... It's as if you're saying that your intent somehow trumps the will of the universe/God/Source/what-have-you. That isn't the case. If it was, there would be peace on Earth because most people desire that at the end of the day.

There is A LOT of unnecessary suffering in the world. Far too much to have this type of judgement/discrimination at the top of your list of concerns. Not intending to offend or anything, just my two cents.

[grannyfranny100]

Thanks for such beautifully worded posts. I find too many posts on Avalon that provide secondary gain for the original poster. Instead of just offering standard comments expressing compassion, ask the poster some questions that show you are really concerned about the situation and need more info in order to provide helpful information and insight. If the original poster turns on you, then you know you are wasting your time. Such a person only wants sympathy and not learning and growth.

Everyone on the planet, rich or poor, has problems and challenges. Giving compassion may make you feel like you are spiritually evolved but could also allow the poster to remain in denial. Learn to be discriminating.

[rgray222]

I understand the point you are trying to make but at the same time I don't think it is our place to judge others. Without attempting to sound too esoteric you are looking at everyone's circumstance in a very one dimensional way. You have to look at things a bit differently, we are not just souls inhabiting a body we are souls having a human experience. We are all having experiences that we need to have so that we can take those lessons and that growth to another level after death.

It makes little difference if peoples problems are self inflicted or random, these predicaments arise as opportunities for growth and must be viewed that way. This is true of health, finances, relationships etc. The key to unlocking our purpose is to think beyond this one life we are currently living.

[Tesla_WTC_Solution]

Good post, and good point!

Although I've asked for advice re: certain situations, I can see why it is depressing to others (!) and may cause them to feel "dragged into" saying or doing something when it's uncomfortable.

As I learn more about the world, I also realize that many people in our world spent a great deal of their lives in great discomfort and distress.
Everyone is capable of mistakes, failures, causing distress or disharmony.
By the same token everyone is also capable of helping (although some things can't be helped...),
and sometimes it's hard to know when someone cares about you because they keep it quiet.

However, most of us have experienced a "thank God" moment in our lives, and it could well be that the good wishes and intentions of other people provided enough energy for a localized miracle.

I am grateful for those who are willing to exit the "normal operational envelope" of their "care-copter" to attempt a daring rescue of someone in need.

There are far too few good samaritans in the world -- don't feel bad because there is a line here -- for once there are people who want to help instead of just scoop up the leftovers.


Also: advice is hard to take sometimes. Don't judge people too harshly if they don't seem to listen. Some folks take YEARS to listen or change.
that doesn't mean they're deaf. (nothing against the deaf)

[grannyfranny100]

Okay. I think I finally get it. The positive, supportive posts are like sending people get well cards. It is an acknowledgement that they exist, are in pain and others do care and wish them well. I am of a generation were people did not air their dirty laundry in public, did their crying in private and sought professional help when necessary. It's a different world. Thanks for your insight.

[budicca]

I have been empathetic all my life and extremely sensitive to people suffering. i will always extend my hand to help anyone good,bad or indifferent because my nature is that to help and learn to accept help. I was suicidal 7 years ago a relentless force of circumstance kept me in this awful loop of depression and wanting to cease to exist, fortunately for me someone very loving and caring opened the door and gave me hope for a new start which I took. I understand what you mean about people bring suffering and becoming " The victim" but when you're in that loop thats exactly what you are and sometimes it takes a caring person to stretch that hand out and offer assistance whether it their fault or not.
Many years before the above happened I met someone who had a drink problem we only knew each other through a chat room but he was secretly drinking and was in the fastlane to becoming ill through his drinking I stretched my hand out and became an unofficial AA sponsor for him I used to turn up at his when I could find the cash to get to him and clear his flat out of drink and be very hard on him because he needed a firm hand to cope with his bad behaviour while drinking.........I didn't do it because I wanted to self-gratify my ego but I genuinely felt his pain and didn't judge why he did it that wasn't my concern that was his battle.....his lesson to learn i just preverbally held his hair back while he spewed and gave him time to heal himself.
I have always felt that this negative approach to someone suffering is the key to them suffering more which to me is more evil to stand back and watch it happen than the deed itself. Mankind/womankind and animalkind all deserve a helping hand of kindness we do not judge their sickness or weakness we help re-shape and re-build so that they can exist like all deserve too x Namaste x