I ache from loneliness

[AutumnW]

I have been sick for thirty five years and virtually house bound for ten years. My life is a battle to stay positive, see the good in people, believe that I have value when I am shunned because I can't participate in most activities.

Believe it or not, I'm not throwing myself a pity party. I am exposing a vulnerability and want people to join in this discussion about social isolation and the sadness and grief that come from being ignored--for whatever reason.

There is nothing to be ashamed of. It's a modern disease and it's a killer.

Let's talk about it.

[Lettherebelight]

Hi Autumn, sending positive thoughts.

Loneliness is often nothing to do with physical proximity of others. It's quite common for people to feel 'lonely' whilst surrounded by people.
Isolation is a feeling that comes from feeling unloved, or a feeling of being unloveable in a given situation or time period. Would you agree?

Thanks for being brave enough to open up!

[WHOMADEGOD]

You are loved even if you won't see it, but you will, but you DO know there is good in others, ask for angelic help, it helped me and countless others, just ask and you will see.

Blessings

X

[enfoldedblue]

Excellent post autumn. Thank you. I am lucky that i have very good friends and family around me. But since having my son and developing health issues i have not been nearly as social as i once was and spend a lot of time alone. Sometimes i love and cherish this time...but too much of it and it can be a challenge to stay positive.
I often long for real community where you can walk out of your dwelling and join with others in a meaningful way. The sense of belonging is very important to our mental health...but in todays society i think it is becomming a scarcer and scarcer commodity. Long ago the communal hearth, and the town square were replaced with shopping malls....where everyone wanders around together alone.
I think this thread is important because we are taught to feel ashamed of being lonely and not encouraged to talk about it. But only by acknowledging it can we begin to make meaningful changes.

[778 neighbour of some guy]

7,222,807,609 was the number of people on the world population clock about 5 minutes ago, about 75.000 people a day visit this site, about 7500 of those are members of Avalon, with any luck 750 of those members check in here on a regular basis, perhaps 250 of those 750 are active posters, those 250 are spread out all over the world, those spread out people may even have nothing else in common beside finding the forum, even this forum is a lonely place, maybe the loneliest place of all, some much knowledge and so few people to share it with in the real world, sorta frustrating imo.

Sorry to hear about your situation and don't have any good news to share besides recognizing the disease/problem for what it is and its very very real.

Crap!!

Ed

[AutumnW]

Hi Lettherebelight,

Psychologists refer to loneliness as a modern disease. People are living longer, getting divorced, move frequently, change jobs, are widowed, etc..

Thanks for positive thoughts.

Here's the dynamic of admitting loneliness and having very few bonds. If people pick up on this, you automatically lose status. We are social animals and coming out and saying you are lonely, gives people the feeling, "Doesn't she have any pride?"

You are then automatically consigned to beta status, in their no-minds. Then they themselves begin to ignore you. I am not bringing this up for sympathy. I am studying it. I'm not ashamed of admitting to crushing loneliness at times, and mild loneliness much of the time.

I am very open about all aspects of my life. I do care what people think, and I would like to retain the strong alpha status I had in this unfortunate baboon colony, called Modern Life, when I was much younger and healthier. But I would prefer not to wear a mask of fake normalcy, when I and my life are anything but normal.

Most people are lonely much of the time and don't really know what is wrong. They think they are depressed when really what they need is the company of authentic other people and attachments to others.

[delfine]

There are many forms of loneliness. One can feel lonely, even if not housebound. Many people are burdened with a heavy workload, and even though they have jobs and see other people during the day, they might feel trapped as well in their situation and not getting any real closeness or connection. Besides...most lives consist of the same dreary and rather boring routine-activities ; doing the dishes, brushing your teeth, commuting, buying groceries, waiting for the bus, doing the laundry etc.

Try to look for the possibilities within the limitations instead of the limitiations within the possibilities. What are the advantages of your situation? For instance being lonely, often means that you have a lot of time on your hands. Nobody are likely to disturb you, interfere with your choices or put demands on you. That can actually translate to freedom. Use that advantage to the fullest;e.g. you can devote yourself to study subjects of your choice, or begin practicing meditation which can be an inner adventure of self-discovery.
If you are starved of contact, use the internet to find groups and forums of like-mindeds. Maybe getting a pet will
fill that need to some extent.
And always...focus on what you can do, what possibilties you do have, the positive things in your life. That will create a better
mood in you, raise your frequency, and thus create a upward going spiral that will attract more of what you want into your life.

Edit: P.S. The [loss of] status you mention, is actually the dark aspect of social life.
The by-product of being a "social animal" is having to enter the world of difference, comparison, competition, gossip, judgment, evaluation, intrigue etc. And generally those with more assets; wealth, friends, beauty, skills etc. will have higher status than those with less. But that is totally irrelevant to your inner fulfillment and sense of meaning. Having status is not going to guarantee you, that you will not feel lonely. Status is a very fleeting and superficial thing anyway.It is given to you by others, and can just as easily be taken from you by others. It might be fodder for your ego, but not your inner self.

[panpravda]

AutumnW: I don't believe in luck, but so far, my own journey through this lifetime has been a good deal more positive than negative. I do however have an older brother who, through his self-removal from many of "life's normal things", has now become overly independent, a little arrogant, less loving of himself and others, and definitely lonely; these things mainly due to being "royally fleeced, financially and emotionally" over a significant period of his earlier life, and that includes a failed marriage and children who by short-sighted choice disappeared from his life. While continuing to display quiet stoicism he doesn't admit to being lonely, but he most certainly is, despite previous and ongoing attempts of our family to draw him back into that which is good that we can offer him. We do have the occasional success with him, but these are typically minor and short lived.

You have, with courage, raised an important issue and I am very interested to see how the discussion around it develops. My own thoughts are with you, AutumnW. Please take time to bathe in the warm, genuine loving energy that Avalonians here already have and will be sending to you.

[Craig]

It's not hard to be lonely in a room full of people, especially when the people are so fake the facades are crumbling. In those cases I smile to myself and break time down to before, now, and later, I remember being lonely before and realize I will be lonely again in the future and live the feeling for the moment. Forums like this remove isolation and provide a beacon of sanity in an abstract world.

[AutumnW]

Delfine Dear, Thank you. I am very very ill and not looking for advice or tips. I really appreciate your trying to help and your advice might help others, but I wouldn't be able to follow through with many of your tips. You're super thoughtful in trying to help though.

I am an extremely strong individual. Every one of the doctors I have had for the last 20 years have told me that they have never encountered an individual as psychologically intact and healthy, with this disease. So...I am actually doing very well. It's a tough slog, like rolling a huge boulder uphill, everyday...but I am succeeding in rolling the boulder and not becoming embittered or brittle in the process of constant stress.

Being as constrained as I am, has become a spiritual crisis. It's a challenge to overcome, describe, explain. It helps to give me insight into others, similarly afflicted, for whatever reason, be it psychological, situational, or like me, due to illness.

For the last few years I have felt that I am being tested to the very limits of my endurance...but I WILL prevail. Nothing and nobody is going to defeat me, spiritually. My ability to love won't be destroyed by the calculated indifference of thoughtless, selfish 'friends'. No one will accuse me of 'being dark' when I am putting up a heroic struggle against the forces of darkness that they themselves unleash.

Lettherebelight. Yes, I completely agree with you. It's only in the last few years that I have felt acute loneliness. I lost my parents and it became evident to me that the very strong bond that I felt I had with my siblings existed in my imagination alone. It was a shattering experience. Before that I had wonderful fantastic solitude. I am not super extroverted so I am fine with being alone, as long as I feel this invisible silver cord attached to ???

[AutumnW]

Edit: P.S. The [loss of] status you mention, is actually the dark aspect of social life.
The by-product of being a "social animal" is having to enter the world of difference, comparison, competition, gossip, judgment, evaluation, intrigue etc. And generally those with more assets; wealth, friends, beauty, skills etc. will have higher status than those with less. But that is totally irrelevant to your inner fulfillment and sense of meaning. Having status is not going to guarantee you, that you will not feel lonely. Status is a very fleeting and superficial thing anyway.It is given to you by others, and can just as easily be taken from you by others. It might be fodder for your ego, but not your inner self.

Let's take a look at the issue of status and self image and dissect it with a scalpel rather than a meat cleaver. If you read what I wrote, carefully, you'd see that I was describing the process of communicating loneliness to other people and how it is self perpetuating, and how WRONG that is. I was describing why some 'friends' will back away when you bemoan your loss of family. They lose respect for you, when they should be embracing you, and being uplifting presences in your life.

Admitting you are lonely is worse than walking around with the scarlet letter. Just about everybody is lonely, but there is this weird social requirement to conceal the fact. Can you imagine how ridiculous it is for me to cover up the fact that I have deep loneliness, when I have lost my family recently, am chronically ill and can never get out?

Lord, it's just so stupid.

[AutumnW]

AutumnW: I don't believe in luck, but so far, my own journey through this lifetime has been a good deal more positive than negative. I do however have an older brother who, through his self-removal from many of "life's normal things", has now become overly independent, a little arrogant, less loving of himself and others, and definitely lonely; these things mainly due to being "royally fleeced, financially and emotionally" over a significant period of his earlier life, and that includes a failed marriage and children who by short-sighted choice disappeared from his life. While continuing to display quiet stoicism he doesn't admit to being lonely, but he most certainly is, despite previous and ongoing attempts of our family to draw him back into that which is good that we can offer him. We do have the occasional success with him, but these are typically minor and short lived.

You have, with courage, raised an important issue and I am very interested to see how the discussion around it develops. My own thoughts are with you, AutumnW. Please take time to bathe in the warm, genuine loving energy that Avalonians here already have and will be sending to you.

Pan Pravda, You are so sweet. Thanks so much. Your poor brother has had such a traumatic experience he is deeply deeply scarred. He may have been blind-sided by rejection. This can actually change the neural circuitry of the limbic system.

The person suffering from mild post traumatic stress will remove him or herself from human contact, often automatically. It's not a 'choice'. It's a survival mechanism. The sadness, particularly if it is betrayal trauma, is almost impossible to overcome.

You are doing a great spiritual service in trying to help your poor wounded brother. Don't give up on him. Those few breakthrough moments you have with him may be all that is holding him together.

[mpod001]

I understand your loneliness. I became very ill with OCD in 2012 and lost all of my independence, freedom to do as I pleased and my career. I lost all but one of my friends too, but that helped me to realise what friendship really was all about.

I took that experience as my wake up call though as it gave me an opportunity to sit back, observe and look at the world through a very different lens that I had previously. If I hadnt have been ill, I doubt that I would be here in Avalon today. I believe we plan these experiences before we come to this earth to give ourselves opportunities that we just cant see whilst in the throws of the bad experiences we have.

I can assure you, there is a greater purpose behind where you are in your life now, and pain that you feel now will one day be shadowed by the growth and insight you gain for the future and in spirit.

I send you all my love, from the deepest corners of my heart xx

[Mercedes]

Dear AutumnW: Thank you for posting this so real subject. Sending good vibes your way. My sister was a loner by choice or so she said. Lived her life her own way and did what she wanted to do most of it I think, she was ahead of her times and she passed away Sept. last year. I'm still struggling with the thoughts on her dying alone but I know she made the choice when she was still very healthy and of sound mind. In the end we have to take and pay for the consequences of our choices but it's hard for the ones that do not see life the same way. I guess guilt is the key word for me. Please don"t ever feel you are not loved Avalon is a good place to be yourself and look for the answers we all seek. In the process of seeking don't forget to LOVE yourself because you are very worthy of LOVE no matter what. Take care of your body, hope you regain health.

[lightwalker]

Dear Autumn,

I honor your path of vulnerability, disclosure and valor. Only thru my own challenges can I know what you deal with. I too shall NEVER stop my choice for LOVE, Spectacular Well-Being and Peace Beyond Measure. No words can really convey, but out of my own experiences I can connect to the GRANDNESS that is you and renew my intentions for all that is good.

Thanks
lightwalker

[Dennis Leahy]

This makes me think of one of the physical aspects of isolation, and that is in not getting hugs. Communication/interaction is great, but there is something magical and mystical about the energy exchange in hugs. It's not the degree of intimate energy exchange of sex/lovemaking, but it is closer to that realm of energy exchange than even being surrounded by friends and family.

This isn't an "answer" to loneliness and isolation - just something that popped into my head as a peripheral advantage/attribute of human physical contact.

Dennis

[spiritwind]

I think this is an important topic. I had a friend back in the late 90’s whose husband shot himself in the head in front of her and died from his self inflicted wound. He was very well known in the community and they both had a lot of friends. You would have thought there would have been a tremendous outpouring for her after this happened. I know the room was packed at his memorial. Instead there were just a few (2-3) people who were there to help be supportive to her during this difficult time, and not even people she knew very well. It seems that most could not handle their own emotions from this tragedy and I discovered that many felt uncomfortable and just didn’t know what to say, so stayed away. I was working a lot as a single parent so I didn’t have much time but I remember when I did go to see her she just couldn’t understand why almost no one seemed like they even wanted to talk to her. That made her experience of loss even that much more acute.

I noticed a similar thing when my ex from years ago became ill with prostate cancer. Many people felt drawn to help by reaching out to him in various ways all the way up until the last year when he had really started to deteriorate, looked like a skeleton, and was totally housebound. It seems, once again, that many just could not handle their own emotions regarding death and dying. I remember my daughter telling me how one really good friend of his that had become quite close to my daughter had just dropped off the radar, wouldn’t answer or return calls etc. We figured that because she had lost someone else close to her the year before that she too just could not handle another loss.

These 2 experiences have taught me a lot about the human condition and some of the unspoken social parameters we all have to live with and I also know there are cultural differences in how people treat one another. I have also seen those who seem to move closer to the situation that most would rather run from. I know that just something as simple as touch can be very important. The lady we live with has severe dementia and cannot hold a conversation. And even though she can’t tell me I know it is important that I just sit with her at times holding her hand and my arm around her to let her feel/know that she is not alone. Of course, the minute I get up she has forgotten I was ever there but I still think it makes a difference. Even babies will waste away without touch and interaction.

As they say, people who need people are the luckiest people in the world. No one should have to be an island of their own. I too have a very communal spirit and sometimes miss that in my life. But, I am fortunate to have just a couple of very good friends. We kind of look after each other in a very nice unspoken way that I am very grateful for. We may not see each other very much at times but I think we even pick up on each other’s thoughts. We often just seem to know when one of us is in need because we can feel it.

[pyrangello]

Autumn , When I was in my 30's had the world by the tails, money, successful business, great friends ect., ect. 2 years later was flat broke, went to 3 funerals on the same day of some of my closest including my grandmother, lost my house, divorce, dog, brother sued me and on and on , then got sued another 2 years after I shut down my business and won however the judge got paid off and they overturned the verdict so I was in the hole another 26k . Bloodsuckers came from all around to see what they could get what was left of me. I then at that point realized what was most important by being alone. You just posting here is just another step to where you are going . The entire time I was in turmoil I just kept telling myself, it's going to get better one day and you know what it did, just believe! You continue to chime in here with your ideas and thoughts as you indeed are not alone here , you are among many caring people just like you.

[pyrangello]

One more thing , I have many friends in Canada, up around the New Liskard/Temishkeming area. My one very good friend up there tried to jump a train at 17, he lost both of his legs, He deals with some depression but he's still going everyday and he's almost 60 now, rides his motorcycle , snowmobile and yes still laughs quite a lot. God bless you Canadians , many many good times with you guys. We all have our moments , sometimes just reaching out is what we need to get that bump to break thru the ice.

[kirolak]

AutumnW, I hope you are feeling less isolated after all the concerned responses. . . I can't begin to imagine how hard it must be for you not to have the freedom of going out for a walk, quite apart from the lack human interaction. Do you have an animal companion? A dog, a cat or a rat to keep you company, to listen to you (& never disagree!) Have you ever thought of writing a book about the experience of solitude?
PS: I would have gone daft if I hadn't had a companion rat when I was a child!

Wishing you peace. . . .

[delfine]

Edit: P.S. The [loss of] status you mention, is actually the dark aspect of social life.
The by-product of being a "social animal" is having to enter the world of difference, comparison, competition, gossip, judgment, evaluation, intrigue etc. And generally those with more assets; wealth, friends, beauty, skills etc. will have higher status than those with less. But that is totally irrelevant to your inner fulfillment and sense of meaning. Having status is not going to guarantee you, that you will not feel lonely. Status is a very fleeting and superficial thing anyway.It is given to you by others, and can just as easily be taken from you by others. It might be fodder for your ego, but not your inner self.

Let's take a look at the issue of status and self image and dissect it with a scalpel rather than a meat cleaver. If you read what I wrote, carefully, you'd see that I was describing the process of communicating loneliness to other people and how it is self perpetuating, and how WRONG that is. I was describing why some 'friends' will back away when you bemoan your loss of family. They lose respect for you, when they should be embracing you, and being uplifting presences in your life.

Admitting you are lonely is worse than walking around with the scarlet letter. Just about everybody is lonely, but there is this weird social requirement to conceal the fact. Can you imagine how ridiculous it is for me to cover up the fact that I have deep loneliness, when I have lost my family recently, am chronically ill and can never get out?

Lord, it's just so stupid.

I agree that telling it like it is; admitting that you´re lonely,often has the same effect on people, as admitting that you have no money. Very few people will be prepared to give their money to you (or love, or support, or...), just because you need it.
It shouldn´t be this way, but that´s how it is. I´ve had the same problem with loneliness for most of my life myself. The reason was, that I at some point had a psychotic breakdown and became hospitalized. All the friends I had at that time, turned their backs on me, never to be seen again. It was rather devastating to learn that being a mental patient, is about as socially attractive as having the bubonic plague.
And forever after you´re seen and treated as a second- or third class citizen by the rest of society.
I know what you mean, when you talk about "aching from loneliness"...The trouble is that when you are literally starving for love and kindness, you tend to view a potential friend in the same way, as a drowning person would view a raft. Having that life-or-death kind of role, is in my experience too much for most people to handle.

So...what to do?
Something that has helped me a lot, has been to begin appreciating and enjoying my own company. Filling my own cup, so to speak.
And I´ve discovered that I don´t need other people to feel happy. Having friends is of course something I value, but not in the clutching, desperate way I used to.

[blake]

This very same topic came up in my church discussion group last week.
And many people there, who I have seen a few times a month, over the decades,
expressed that they felt a sense of isolation and loneliness, even though they were successful professionals and long standing members of the church community. Although, this cannot compare to Autumn’s case or anyone who is a shut in, for these people were ambulatory, had financial means, and had families and at least the church community and yet they still expressed that they felt lonely. No one would guess, they always walked around with a smile on their face acting upbeat. I was surprised at how many expressed it.

Advice is easily given, so much easier than being introspective about an issue, especially one as private and potentially detrimental to one’s health as isolation and loneliness.

But loneliness is a very real condition in modern society, whether one is lonely from the very real lack of energy exchange with a real human being such as shut ins can experience, or the loneliness of still feeling lonely in a family or a crowd. Few are brave enough to bring up this very important social threat to physical and mental health.

I am sure there most be many songs devoted to that aspect of our modern culture but the first one that comes to mind is the Beatles; song about all the lonely people:

"Eleanor Rigby" written by Lennon, John / Mccartney, Paul.
Ah, look at all the lonely people
Ah, look at all the lonely people
Eleanor Rigby, picks up the rice
In the church where a wedding has been
Lives in a dream
Waits at the window, wearing the face
That she keeps in a jar by the door
Who is it for?
All the lonely people
Where do they all come from?
All the lonely people
Where do they all belong?
Father McKenzie, writing the words
of a sermon that no one will hear
No one comes near
Look at him working, darning his socks
In the night when there's nobody there
What does he care?
All the lonely people
Where do they all come from?
All the lonely people
Where do they all belong?
Ah, look at all the lonely people
Ah, look at all the lonely people
Eleanor Rigby, died in the church
And was buried along with her name
Nobody came
Father McKenzie, wiping the dirt
From his hands as he walks from the grave
No one was saved
All the lonely people
(Ah, look at all the lonely people)
Where do they all come from?
All the lonely people
(Ah, look at all the lonely people)
Where do they all belong?


When was this song written forty or fifty years ago?
I have always read that generally people do not seek out friendships
With the unfornuate. When I was young I thought how cruel, but as the decades rolled by I now think how true.
Why was there a time, among the therapists, that they loved to use the saying, when you are down and out, “ fake it until you make it”

But being lonely for a weekend, a month ,or a year or two.. as one reboots their life, can not be compared to the loneliness that must be endured by the “ shut- ins decade after decade. Or has society regulated that responsibility to the social workers ,and health care workers who are just doing their jobs and not actually creating meaningful or even social friendships with the most isolated humans in society, often through no fault of their own except for living in this modern culture we all contribute to.

Life is hard on everyone, but for those who are forever sick, forever shut in, well they indeed live by circumstances that most of us could never understand. They truly know what it is like to be alone. Much like when someone is in the process of dying, it’s a very lonely experience.
I have no answers, except to admit to oneself that you are lonely if indeed you are, and then to strategize on what steps you can start taking today and next week to find resolution to that threatening state to your mental and physical health. And if you are not lonely after much introspection, maybe you can look around your neighborhood and community and see what minutes or hours you have to help break this dreaded menace of loneliness in modern society and make that old saying that humans do not seek friendships out with the unfortunate.
All just my humble opinion

Sincerely

Mr. Davis

[Violet]

I don't know what to say, AutumnW...

[carryattune]

Edit: P.S. The [loss of] status you mention, is actually the dark aspect of social life.
The by-product of being a "social animal" is having to enter the world of difference, comparison, competition, gossip, judgment, evaluation, intrigue etc. And generally those with more assets; wealth, friends, beauty, skills etc. will have higher status than those with less. But that is totally irrelevant to your inner fulfillment and sense of meaning. Having status is not going to guarantee you, that you will not feel lonely. Status is a very fleeting and superficial thing anyway.It is given to you by others, and can just as easily be taken from you by others. It might be fodder for your ego, but not your inner self.

Let's take a look at the issue of status and self image and dissect it with a scalpel rather than a meat cleaver. If you read what I wrote, carefully, you'd see that I was describing the process of communicating loneliness to other people and how it is self perpetuating, and how WRONG that is. I was describing why some 'friends' will back away when you bemoan your loss of family. They lose respect for you, when they should be embracing you, and being uplifting presences in your life.

Admitting you are lonely is worse than walking around with the scarlet letter. Just about everybody is lonely, but there is this weird social requirement to conceal the fact. Can you imagine how ridiculous it is for me to cover up the fact that I have deep loneliness, when I have lost my family recently, am chronically ill and can never get out?

Lord, it's just so stupid.

If you look around, and it seems you have, social activity has become frenetic. Everyone scurrying here and there. Like those dating bars, you know, the ones where you visit a few minutes with several different people. And you are supposed to find Mr or Ms right.
I believe that our society has put a lot of things into high gear. GET ER DONE. And the result is, we do not connect as often as we would like. That thing we heard so much about.........instant gratification. Too many today have fallen into that trap. No time to search deeper than first impressions. What is there for me? And please don't subscribe to that ,if you see it, it is because , you are also it.
People want privacy, to the point of pain.
Some collect others like books. On a shelf, until they need them. So if you are a giver, and you are needed, fine. If you need to.......learn to say no. Sometimes family are the ones that take advantage. Mostly we don't mean to. But some people get sooooo busy...............they dont have time to really nurture themselves, and certainly not others.
In my family, I can do. And can do some more. And I love being helpful. But many times there is no thanks. If your help enables someone to better their life, and you want to, do it. I think what is hard to feel, is that because of what you do, you get bumped aside. IE. Taken for granted. And that stings. The sting of not being appreciated.
I am troubled when someone tells me don't help someone if you expect gratitude. That is most likely true. But it still hurts. My grandmother always taught me to do what was right, expecting nothing in return. I know the lesson well. But, darn it, it still hurts.
My mom says so often, don't get me a birthday gift, or a Christmas gift. But we kids, all know better. We get the gifts, even tho she protests. She means it when she tells us not to. But I believe she also does a happy sigh, when we get the gift anyways. And she has an inward moan, if we actually would not give her a gift. I almost have my mind wrapped around that, but not quite.
I most likely wrote this for you and I.
I started out, wanting to ask you, " Why can't you get out at all?"

[Flash]

Hi Autumn,

Loneliness is part of life, at this present time, and mostly part of spiritual development. Your loneliness may be due to illness, in appearance, but as soon as someone is different in any way from the mass, loneliness results.

I have been active and with a child for many years, yet, although I met thousands (i was going to change the thousands for hundreds because I thought members here would think I am arrogant, but then decided not to, because it is the truth) of people, I was the provider of service and there were no real individual and closer link with them. I spoke with a business woman this week about loneliness and her comment was "You know Flash (well, my real name), when at the top, you are always alone and lonely - and the 20,000$ to pay salaries at the end of the week has to be in, over and above".

So, I brought the topic to a teacher of mine, a spiritual teacher. His answer was that when one develops spiritually, loneliness is always one of the results for a long stretch of lifes. It is part of the developmental path, you have to do that part of the journey by your own strenght, by yourself. Knowing it does not take away the pain of it, I understand, but it is much better than not knowing. The mass of people is not far in spiritual development, so as soon as you get out of the crowd, loneliness is part of it, because nobody can understand or follow you.

Although your path Autumn is one of physical illness, it is definitely, in my views, still more a path of spiritual advancement. I bless you for your courage and spirit, and for not giving up ever. My full love flows towards you.

And where are you located in Canada?

Flash xxx (those are kisses on both cheeks, equivalent to a hug, as French people do)


Delfine Dear, Thank you. I am very very ill and not looking for advice or tips. I really appreciate your trying to help and your advice might help others, but I wouldn't be able to follow through with many of your tips. You're super thoughtful in trying to help though.

I am an extremely strong individual. Every one of the doctors I have had for the last 20 years have told me that they have never encountered an individual as psychologically intact and healthy, with this disease. So...I am actually doing very well. It's a tough slog, like rolling a huge boulder uphill, everyday...but I am succeeding in rolling the boulder and not becoming embittered or brittle in the process of constant stress.

Being as constrained as I am, has become a spiritual crisis. It's a challenge to overcome, describe, explain. It helps to give me insight into others, similarly afflicted, for whatever reason, be it psychological, situational, or like me, due to illness.

For the last few years I have felt that I am being tested to the very limits of my endurance...but I WILL prevail. Nothing and nobody is going to defeat me, spiritually. My ability to love won't be destroyed by the calculated indifference of thoughtless, selfish 'friends'. No one will accuse me of 'being dark' when I am putting up a heroic struggle against the forces of darkness that they themselves unleash.

Lettherebelight. Yes, I completely agree with you. It's only in the last few years that I have felt acute loneliness. I lost my parents and it became evident to me that the very strong bond that I felt I had with my siblings existed in my imagination alone. It was a shattering experience. Before that I had wonderful fantastic solitude. I am not super extroverted so I am fine with being alone, as long as I feel this invisible silver cord attached to ???

[raregem]

This makes me think of one of the physical aspects of isolation, and that is in not getting hugs. Communication/interaction is great, but there is something magical and mystical about the energy exchange in hugs. It's not the degree of intimate energy exchange of sex/lovemaking, but it is closer to that realm of energy exchange than even being surrounded by friends and family.

This isn't an "answer" to loneliness and isolation - just something that popped into my head as a peripheral advantage/attribute of human physical contact.
nnis



As much as I would prefer to stay away from people ( the intense negative - energy types) I tend to want to HUG them. Argh !
P.S. I also want to slap them. (ops looks like I have some reflection to take care of )

[Dawn]

I am always looking for ways to balance and find more freedom. I'd like to suggest you try a very simple do-it-yourself self help technique. Found hidden in an ancient manuscript was a very simple method of balancing emotions, organs, and the energy flow of your own body. This has been named 'Jin Shin Jyutsu Is', which translates as 'Getting to Know (Help) Myself Art of Living'. Believe it or not you can use this for less than an hour daily and your feelings of loneliness will vanish, along with any depression, sadness, grief, or anger!

Seems to good to be true... right? Well, I use this daily and I can tell you that it truly works... and works well.


So here's the first simple self help you can do... just wrap your thumb and fingers of the LEFT hand gently around each and every digit of the RIGHT hand, one at a time. Hold each finger (and the thumb too) until you feel them begin to pulse. Then switch hands and do all the fingers (and thumb) of the LEFT hand by holding them with your RIGHT hand one at a time.

Your self treatment will look like this.


http://naturallynourishedwoman.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/handswh2-300x229.gif

What is actually happening is that you are balancing the electrical system in your body and each digit on your hands is directly related to different parts of this system. When the electrical system of your body is shut down, the result is negative emotions including loneliness. Being bed ridden or unable to exercise for some time almost guarantees that your body is having trouble balancing itself... but you can help it in this very simple way.

There are some really simple self-help books, but there are also some wonderful web sites that you can enjoy if you desire.

[Hazel]

It's wonderful to see how many responses this thread has attracted... telling about societal isolation in general, and interestingly... revealing about how many of us here on PA, have a propensity to withdraw by choice.

The studies that have been done about isolation experiences speak reems about how harmful it is for we humans, who are intrinsically social animals. Cruel prison isolation methods have proven this understanding. Question being, accross the board: why do we persist in this denial?

[blake]

What an interesting exercise, Dawn. Do you recall where you got it from?

Sincerely,

Mr Davis

[Sidney]

We live in a society, on this planet, where we are judged for our accomplishments, and not our intent. I too have had an invisible illness for over quarter of a century. About half my life. I do not look sick. But I lack motivation,energy,and have certainly not met my potential. I literally survive one day at a time. It is a topic that really does need to be out in the open, because people just cannot understand what it is like to be trapped inside a body that refused to function. I believe this is not the place or time to get into cures or treatments, unless it directly can help the depressive state of the mind, of someone who is depressed, and lonely, by the default of isolation. It is important to make it clear, we did not choose this and we are not having a pity party.
Things that we do not get from people we are in contact with are, respect,empathy,or the willingness to even ask, "What can I do?" Because, the truth is, if you are not keeping up with the Jones, then, you don't matter. (this is what it feels like, whether it is true or not)
When I read AutumW OP here, tears flowed, because I walk in her shoes, and I understand how incredibly painful it is, that NO ONE UNDERSTANDS. And it feels like everyone is judging you.
I will skip the conspiracy part, because its not the appropriate place, but there is a bigger picture with regards to what is happening to some of us.

I looked up Dawns exercise on YT, and you need to do the finger hold for about 5 minutes each finger. (I tried it only for about a minute and when no pulsing happened I wondered if I am really still alive, LOL, not really.) So according to one YTer, it takes a few minutes. But definitely sounds like it is worth the time!!!! Looking forward to doing it.

[Tesla_WTC_Solution]

I have been sick for thirty five years and virtually house bound for ten years. My life is a battle to stay positive, see the good in people, believe that I have value when I am shunned because I can't participate in most activities.

Believe it or not, I'm not throwing myself a pity party. I am exposing a vulnerability and want people to join in this discussion about social isolation and the sadness and grief that come from being ignored--for whatever reason.

There is nothing to be ashamed of. It's a modern disease and it's a killer.

Let's talk about it.

I feel really bad for you. I sort of do know how it feels, in a way.
My life has taken a somewhat similar turn, although much of it is my fault.

I was diagnosed with Asperger's Disorder last year and although the process was unpleasant, I felt that knowing that finally about myself answered so many questions.
I felt angry and hurt by all the doctors who ignored the characteristics of this syndrome, or who called it something else, and over-medicated me with dangerous drugs.

I don't have a single friend who comes to my apartment.
There is no church that I've felt like joining, I don't even have a smoking or fishing buddy, and I've never set foot in the local library.
I see people almost every night gathered outside the bar a few blocks from home. Laughing and talking, sometimes even making fun of people.

Other lonely people light up most times I give them attention, but after the interaction is over and the stress recedes, I tend to forget them.
Whereas a normal person would take this experience and put it somewhere safe, to build on later, my mind does not have this emotional organizational skill.
It's like an ocean with no sun shining on it -- I never know what's going to emerge from the darkness into the real world.
I never know who my friends are or where help might come from.

Physically I got kinda fat over the last 10 years. It comes and goes and each time feels harder to lose it without getting hurt.
It's very hard to have self respect as a person with a mental issue and also being overweight -- even a little bit.
Lots of doctors go for the low-hanging fruit also, and point that out when they can.. "you've gained weight" etc.

My son was born with even more issues than I was, 6 years ago.
He was taken from me after I agreed with the state that he would do better in a group home.
It's not the same, visiting your child in someone else's house under their rules.

My spouse recently abandoned us both in a strange town to go back to Seattle.
He says it's for the best but I don't think so. He is a gambler.
I continue trying to make it here (a month and a week later), although I have no idea if I have the strength.

Sleep is hard. I either want it too early or stay up too late. I rarely feel "good" when waking.

I am 30 years old and used to having my husband around. There's no smiles, no laughter, no warmth, no sex in the home anymore.
I feel almost like someone died, except worse, someone chose to be gone voluntarily.

The outside is there, the sun is shining, I could get up and walk out there if I wanted to right now,
but with my disability, it feels futile. Without someone else driving me onward, I tend toward inactivity.

ASD is a really annoying problem to have because some folks are not self-starters,
but the trouble is, who can jump-start a genius (i.e. inspire them)?
And I mean that in terms of boredom and a sense of "what's important" in the world.

________________________________


If you lived close to here I'd come see you!
Eastern Washington is kind of like Mongolia... remote.

[carryattune]

Tesla and Autumn, I an sending you both, BIG GIGANTIC HUGS. The US is so big. From east to west. I am in Mi. There are several Avalonians in WA. ST. Autumn, which end of Canada are you in? Canada is also gigantic. Many Avalonians are Canadian. Maybe if you feel inclined, you can possibly approach a friendship with one of them outside of Avalon.
Not necessarily in the physical world, but maybe FB. I know many are still afraid and somewhat shy. But it is something to think about.
Some people are willing to take that step. Many on the forum have ventured out of its walls. For whatever the reason, the members in the UK. Get together every now and then. I think it would be wonderful to get a together going for those of us in the US and Canada. It could take some doing. But worth it. IMHO.
AUTUMN, ARE YOU COMPLETELY HOMEBOUND. ACTUALLY NOT ABLE TO GET OUT. OR IS IT SUCH A DEEP FUNK. YOU JUST CANT. MAYBE AS FAR AS A PORCH, AND SUNSHINE. sorry for the caps. I forgot to unclick them.
Please know, you are in my prayers. I am right now lighting a candle for you both.
Carry.

[Sidney]

AutumnW: I don't believe in luck, but so far, my own journey through this lifetime has been a good deal more positive than negative. I do however have an older brother who, through his self-removal from many of "life's normal things", has now become overly independent, a little arrogant, less loving of himself and others, and definitely lonely; these things mainly due to being "royally fleeced, financially and emotionally" over a significant period of his earlier life, and that includes a failed marriage and children who by short-sighted choice disappeared from his life. While continuing to display quiet stoicism he doesn't admit to being lonely, but he most certainly is, despite previous and ongoing attempts of our family to draw him back into that which is good that we can offer him. We do have the occasional success with him, but these are typically minor and short lived.

You have, with courage, raised an important issue and I am very interested to see how the discussion around it develops. My own thoughts are with you, AutumnW. Please take time to bathe in the warm, genuine loving energy that Avalonians here already have and will be sending to you.

Pan Pravda, You are so sweet. Thanks so much. Your poor brother has had such a traumatic experience he is deeply deeply scarred. He may have been blind-sided by rejection. This can actually change the neural circuitry of the limbic system.

The person
suffering from mild post traumatic stress will remove him or herself from human contact, often automatically. It's not a 'choice'. It's a survival mechanism. The sadness, particularly if it is betrayal trauma, is almost impossible to overcome.

You are doing a great spiritual service in trying to help your poor wounded brother. Don't give up on him. Those few breakthrough moments you have with him may be all that is holding him together.

Autumn, great medical/scientific connecting of the dots here. This happened to me. PTSD following a blindsided divorce/fleecing(and not the fuzzy kind : )
There are most likely many military veterans who can relate as well.

[Qauntumreverse]

Thank you for posting this inspiring thread, I have always lived in isolation I have never fitted into any group, I accepted this before i came to earth. Its fascinating to me as i journey thru human life to observe the patterns of the majority of people on earth for there acceptance of such a flawed reality there attempts to justify the sheer insanity that is modern life. I find myself longing for a place that isn't here. Memories faded of another world. I replace my feelings of loneliness with focus on what i came here to do.

"Our normal expectations about reality are created by a social consensus. We are taught how to see and understand the world. The trick of socialization is to convince us that the descriptions we agree upon define the limits of the real world. What we call reality is only one way of seeing the world, a way that is supported by social consensus."
Carlos Castaenda

"To be a warrior is not a simple matter of wishing to be one. It is rather an endless struggle that will go on to the very last moment of our lives."
Carlos Castaenda

[Dawn]

Tesla, Autumn and Sidney. I am sending you my love. You are all so dear to me. And, sharing your pain here on Avalon... that takes courage.

In line with my own ability to respond (be response able (responsible)) I am going to spend some time in sacred Ho O'pono O'pono work. If you are suffering, you can actually do this for your own self and your own inner child.... I certainly found self-healing that way. And for anyone on Avalon who wonders how they might actually help, here is a story about this work and what it has been used for. Enjoy!

the following is taken from this web site (where there are lots of other links too) : http://www.wanttoknow.info/070701imsorryiloveyoujoevitale

Simple Steps to Healing: Ho'oponopono
I Love You, I'm Sorry, Please Forgive Me, Thank You
by Dr. Joe Vitale

Two years ago, I heard about a therapist in Hawaii who cured a complete ward of criminally insane patients – without ever seeing any of them. The psychologist would study an inmate's chart and then look within himself to see how he created that person's illness. As he improved himself, the patient improved.

When I first heard this story, I thought it was an urban legend. How could anyone heal anyone else by healing himself? How could even the best self-improvement master cure the criminally insane?

It didn't make any sense. It wasn't logical, so I dismissed the story.

However, I heard it again a year later. I heard that the therapist had used a Hawaiian healing process called ho'oponopono. I had never heard of it, yet I couldn't let it leave my mind. If the story was at all true, I had to know more.

I had always understood "total responsibility" to mean that I am responsible for what I think and do. Beyond that, it's out of my hands. I think that most people think of total responsibility that way. We're responsible for what we do, not what anyone else does. The Hawaiian therapist who healed those mentally ill people would teach me an advanced new perspective about total responsibility.

His name is Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len. We probably spent an hour talking on our first phone call. I asked him to tell me the complete story of his work as a therapist. He explained that he worked at Hawaii State Hospital for four years. That ward where they kept the criminally insane was dangerous. Psychologists quit on a monthly basis. The staff called in sick a lot or simply quit. People would walk through that ward with their backs against the wall, afraid of being attacked by patients. It was not a pleasant place to live, work, or visit.

Dr. Len told me that he never saw patients. He agreed to have an office and to review their files. While he looked at those files, he would work on himself. As he worked on himself, patients began to heal.

"After a few months, patients that had to be shackled were being allowed to walk freely," he told me. "Others who had to be heavily medicated were getting off their medications. And those who had no chance of ever being released were being freed."

I was in awe.

"Not only that," he went on, "but the staff began to enjoy coming to work. Absenteeism and turnover disappeared. We ended up with more staff than we needed because patients were being released, and all the staff was showing up to work."

This is where I had to ask the million dollar question: "What were you doing within yourself that caused those people to change?"

"I was simply healing the part of me that created them," he said.

I didn't understand.

Dr. Len explained that total responsibility for your life means that everything in your life – simply because it is in your life – is your responsibility. In a literal sense the entire world is your creation.

Whew. This is tough to swallow. Being responsible for what I say or do is one thing. Being responsible for what everyone in my life says or does is quite another. Yet, the truth is this: if you take complete responsibility for your life, then everything you see, hear, taste, touch, or in any way experience is your responsibility because it is in your life.

This means that terrorist activity, the president, the economy – anything you experience and don't like – is up for you to heal. They don't exist, in a manner of speaking, except as projections from inside you. The problem isn't with them, it's with you, and to change them, you have to change you.

I know this is tough to grasp, let alone accept or actually live. Blame is far easier than total responsibility, but as I spoke with Dr. Len, I began to realize that healing for him and in ho'oponopono means loving yourself. If you want to improve your life, you have to heal your life. If you want to cure anyone – even a mentally ill criminal – you do it by healing you.

I asked Dr. Len how he went about healing himself. What was he doing, exactly, when he looked at those patients' files?

"I just kept saying, 'I'm sorry' and 'I love you' over and over again," he explained.

That's it?

That's it.

Turns out that loving yourself is the greatest way to improve yourself, and as you improve yourself, you improve your world. Let me give you a quick example of how this works: one day, someone sent me an email that upset me. In the past I would have handled it by working on my emotional hot buttons or by trying to reason with the person who sent the nasty message. This time, I decided to try Dr. Len's method. I kept silently saying, "I'm sorry" and "I love you." I didn't say it to anyone in particular. I was simply evoking the spirit of love to heal within me what was creating the outer circumstance.

Within an hour I got an e-mail from the same person. He apologized for his previous message. Keep in mind that I didn't take any outward action to get that apology. I didn't even write him back. Yet, by saying "I love you," I somehow healed within me what was creating him.

In short, Dr. Len says there is no out there. It would take a whole book to explain this advanced technique with the depth it deserves. Suffice it to say that whenever you want to improve anything in your life, there's only one place to look: inside you.

And when you look, do it with love.


Note: This article on ho'oponopono is edited from the book Zero Limits by Dr. Joe Vitale and Dr. Len.

[Ellisa]

I do not think that we can ever know what each one of us experiences. I am alone a lot, but I like quiet and my own company so I am not lonely. Many are like that, but I know people of my age (ie getting on a bit!) who find the aloneness paralyses them, and they are unable to cope with it. I do not for a moment presume to suggest any solutions, they have to be worked towards as each of us in unique, but I do agree with the suggestions of a companion animal (though in my case NOT a rat!).

At present I have a cat who allows me to live with him, as long as I feed him. This gives me an obligation that is not to myself. I need to ensure that the cat is healthy, fed, and because he has long fur, groomed. He is not expensive to maintain and could live off table scraps (but of course he doesn't, he likes the gourmet cat food and chicken fillets). I also have fish, which have to be attended to, and even fish know when it is dinner time and come looking for their food. I know that this requires manual skills and that maybe is a problem, but the companionship and conversation with an animal (especially a dog) is priceless and helps relieve the feeling of aloneness for many of us. It used to be that when older people went to a nursing home they were parted from their pets, now many such places have their resident cat or dog and many arrange visits with specially trained dogs, some even allow the residents to have their own animals, if suitable, because research has shown how much benefit comes with caring for an animal bird or fish.

[Sidney]

Tesla, Autumn and Sidney. I am sending you my love. You are all so dear to me. And, sharing your pain here on Avalon... that takes courage.

In line with my own ability to respond (be response able (responsible)) I am going to spend some time in sacred Ho O'pono O'pono work. If you are suffering, you can actually do this for your own self and your own inner child.... I certainly found self-healing that way. And for anyone on Avalon who wonders how they might actually help, here is a story about this work and what it has been used for. Enjoy!

the following is taken from this web site (where there are lots of other links too) : http://www.wanttoknow.info/070701imsorryiloveyoujoevitale

Simple Steps to Healing: Ho'oponopono
I Love You, I'm Sorry, Please Forgive Me, Thank You
by Dr. Joe Vitale

Two years ago, I heard about a therapist in Hawaii who cured a complete ward of criminally insane patients – without ever seeing any of them. The psychologist would study an inmate's chart and then look within himself to see how he created that person's illness. As he improved himself, the patient improved.

When I first heard this story, I thought it was an urban legend. How could anyone heal anyone else by healing himself? How could even the best self-improvement master cure the criminally insane?

It didn't make any sense. It wasn't logical, so I dismissed the story.

However, I heard it again a year later. I heard that the therapist had used a Hawaiian healing process called ho'oponopono. I had never heard of it, yet I couldn't let it leave my mind. If the story was at all true, I had to know more.

I had always understood "total responsibility" to mean that I am responsible for what I think and do. Beyond that, it's out of my hands. I think that most people think of total responsibility that way. We're responsible for what we do, not what anyone else does. The Hawaiian therapist who healed those mentally ill people would teach me an advanced new perspective about total responsibility.

His name is Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len. We probably spent an hour talking on our first phone call. I asked him to tell me the complete story of his work as a therapist. He explained that he worked at Hawaii State Hospital for four years. That ward where they kept the criminally insane was dangerous. Psychologists quit on a monthly basis. The staff called in sick a lot or simply quit. People would walk through that ward with their backs against the wall, afraid of being attacked by patients. It was not a pleasant place to live, work, or visit.

Dr. Len told me that he never saw patients. He agreed to have an office and to review their files. While he looked at those files, he would work on himself. As he worked on himself, patients began to heal.

"After a few months, patients that had to be shackled were being allowed to walk freely," he told me. "Others who had to be heavily medicated were getting off their medications. And those who had no chance of ever being released were being freed."

I was in awe.

"Not only that," he went on, "but the staff began to enjoy coming to work. Absenteeism and turnover disappeared. We ended up with more staff than we needed because patients were being released, and all the staff was showing up to work."

This is where I had to ask the million dollar question: "What were you doing within yourself that caused those people to change?"

"I was simply healing the part of me that created them," he said.

I didn't understand.

Dr. Len explained that total responsibility for your life means that everything in your life – simply because it is in your life – is your responsibility. In a literal sense the entire world is your creation.

Whew. This is tough to swallow. Being responsible for what I say or do is one thing. Being responsible for what everyone in my life says or does is quite another. Yet, the truth is this: if you take complete responsibility for your life, then everything you see, hear, taste, touch, or in any way experience is your responsibility because it is in your life.

This means that terrorist activity, the president, the economy – anything you experience and don't like – is up for you to heal. They don't exist, in a manner of speaking, except as projections from inside you. The problem isn't with them, it's with you, and to change them, you have to change you.

I know this is tough to grasp, let alone accept or actually live. Blame is far easier than total responsibility, but as I spoke with Dr. Len, I began to realize that healing for him and in ho'oponopono means loving yourself. If you want to improve your life, you have to heal your life. If you want to cure anyone – even a mentally ill criminal – you do it by healing you.

I asked Dr. Len how he went about healing himself. What was he doing, exactly, when he looked at those patients' files?

"I just kept saying, 'I'm sorry' and 'I love you' over and over again," he explained.

That's it?

That's it.

Turns out that loving yourself is the greatest way to improve yourself, and as you improve yourself, you improve your world. Let me give you a quick example of how this works: one day, someone sent me an email that upset me. In the past I would have handled it by working on my emotional hot buttons or by trying to reason with the person who sent the nasty message. This time, I decided to try Dr. Len's method. I kept silently saying, "I'm sorry" and "I love you." I didn't say it to anyone in particular. I was simply evoking the spirit of love to heal within me what was creating the outer circumstance.

Within an hour I got an e-mail from the same person. He apologized for his previous message. Keep in mind that I didn't take any outward action to get that apology. I didn't even write him back. Yet, by saying "I love you," I somehow healed within me what was creating him.

In short, Dr. Len says there is no out there. It would take a whole book to explain this advanced technique with the depth it deserves. Suffice it to say that whenever you want to improve anything in your life, there's only one place to look: inside you.

And when you look, do it with love.


Note: This article on ho'oponopono is edited from the book Zero Limits by Dr. Joe Vitale and Dr. Len.

That is incredibly profound Dawn. Thank you for sharing.

[gnostic9]

I have been sick for thirty five years and virtually house bound for ten years. My life is a battle to stay positive, see the good in people, believe that I have value when I am shunned because I can't participate in most activities.

Believe it or not, I'm not throwing myself a pity party. I am exposing a vulnerability and want people to join in this discussion about social isolation and the sadness and grief that come from being ignored--for whatever reason.

There is nothing to be ashamed of. It's a modern disease and it's a killer.

Let's talk about it. Hi AutumnW! if you would like to talk! my email is treaybur@topmail.ie

[mosquito]

You know, there are times, many times when I feel like quitting this forum, with all the idiotic gossip and paranoia about whatever. But then we have a thread like this, and Avalon behaves like a real community, reaching out to a member with our hearts, and I feel honoured to still belong.

....Which is an appropriate word to end the sentence with, as I too feel like I no longer belong. I don't identify with any nation or group, and the only people I have regular contact with are all under 17. Actually I've always been a loner, happy to be on my own, but in recent years it's turned into an aching loneliness, like you describe Autumn. On one hand, I isolate myself because I don't feel any kinship with humanity, on the other I know I need to be a bit more outgoing. I know I have so so much to offer, but I'm petrified of rejection and I don't want to place my gifts under the feet of an unappreciative mob of unconscious baboons.

I agree wholeheartedly with what Flash (and others) said, difficult though this is, it's part and parcel of the spiritual journey. And as our "societies" continue their inexorable morph into emotionally dead, uncaring anti-societies, loneliness is probably the best thing you can give your soul.

If I had the necessary time and money, I'd come and visit you ! Thanksfor starting this thread, and hanks for all the wonderful responses

[sandy]

Gosh Autumn, Tesla, Sydney and others who feel alone and isolated, my heart goes out to you. Just want to remind you though that you are not alone in the sense of SELF.

Please don't forget to actually hug yourself as it really does help to connect to your being on all levels and brings a sense of groundedness and unity within and lessens the angst and times of loneliness.

Much Love to One and All :grouphug:

[raregem]

I am always looking for ways to balance and find more freedom. I'd like to suggest you try a very simple do-it-yourself self help technique. Found hidden in an ancient manuscript was a very simple method of balancing emotions, organs, and the energy flow of your own body. This has been named 'Jin Shin Jyutsu Is', which translates as 'Getting to Know (Help) Myself Art of Living'. Believe it or not you can use this for less than an hour daily and your feelings of loneliness will vanish, along with any depression, sadness, grief, or anger!

Seems to good to be true... right? Well, I use this daily and I can tell you that it truly works... and works well.


So here's the first simple self help you can do... just wrap your thumb and fingers of the LEFT hand gently around each and every digit of the RIGHT hand, one at a time. Hold each finger (and the thumb too) until you feel them begin to pulse. Then switch hands and do all the fingers (and thumb) of the LEFT hand by holding them with your RIGHT hand one at a time.

Your self treatment will look like this.


http://naturallynourishedwoman.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/handswh2-300x229.gif

What is actually happening is that you are balancing the electrical system in your body and each digit on your hands is directly related to different parts of this system. When the electrical system of your body is shut down, the result is negative emotions including loneliness. Being bed ridden or unable to exercise for some time almost guarantees that your body is having trouble balancing itself... but you can help it in this very simple way.

There are some really simple self-help books, but there are also some wonderful web sites that you can enjoy if you desire.

Thank you. So simple that it can become a habit when relaxing without thinking.
I think weather has a major influence on emotions. What do you think?

[pumashared]

what an awesome discussion.as a huge psychology and sociology fan i love these kinds of discussion.
I have 2 very close friends that i share everything with and some other friends but even i have always felt "un-normal" around them. i see the world much more differently than my friends do. I do have huge amounts of trouble understanding the opposite sex(im not the only one im guessing) and i want to find the right girl but its extremely hard to find like minded people like me specially females. sometimes this bothers and worries me alot because idk what to do.
some things i have found to be helpful i think would be to find hobbies you like and try out new stuff. people like connecting with someone who shares the same concept and interests. also its good to know that people have alot of different opinions about the world and thus perhaps you should share everything you believe in specially if its to the extreme. ( for example if you believe 9/11 was an inside job, it would be not wise to tell a bunch of soldiers about your theory).

[blake]

Dawn, thank you for posting that web site. Lots of interesting material presented in such detailed, and iwth so many links to articles and movies. I have been enjoying it.

http://www.wanttoknow.info/070701ims...veyoujoevitale

Sincerely,

Mr. Davis

[Hazel]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_0hxl03JoA0&feature=player_detailpage

[Ahnung-quay]

AutumnW, Sidney, Tesla, thanks for this intimacy! You are truly beautiful people. I've went through several periods of loneliness in my life. Now, I'm in position of trying to get time to be by myself!! (I'm introverted by nature). I realize now that what I need is balance.
When I became involved with a group of Native Americans practicing spiritual ceremonies, it was very hard for me to open up. There was a lot of self-confronting and change. I thank Creator for these people because I was accepted with all of my foibles. Through them I've met so many wonderful human beings. Yes, they are not perfect but, neither am I. It seems that what I was missing was the connection and being able to see that connection to Creator.
We all live on a strand of Grandmother Spider's great web. Whatever way you can, try to be and see that connection. For example, heart meditation is a really great way to make the connection. There are several methods out there such as those taught by Drunvalo Melchizedek or the Heart Math Institute. I offer this with my heartfelt intentions of goodwill to you.
I'll be burning some tobacco in a few minutes (Native American way of sending prayers up). I'll be praying for you today.

[apokalypse]

these days i'm pretty much a loner, even room with full of people but inside i feel alone and being sick of with the crap is going on or the society is going. Alot of times especially when ever i hear people died i have that moment of happy for them because they leave this earth and bless them...i got no fear of death when i hear stuff about doomsday like asteroid hit earth and glad going home.right now as i type this, thought of about depopulation thing..i dontt really care about it, if they kill me then so be it...i leave this craphole and continue somewhere else.

don't know about you guys but i feel very tired right now and very lonely where not many people have that same kid of thought like people in Non-Mainstream around me. I don't feel like end my life or anything suicidal alike but happy to leave current physicality...j

[raregem]

these days i'm pretty much a loner, even room with full of people but inside i feel alone and being sick of with the crap is going on or the society is going. Alot of times especially when ever i hear people died i have that moment of happy for them because they leave this earth and bless them...i got no fear of death when i hear stuff about doomsday like asteroid hit earth and glad going home.right now as i type this, thought of about depopulation thing..i dontt really care about it, if they kill me then so be it...i leave this craphole and continue somewhere else.

don't know about you guys but i feel very tired right now and very lonely where not many people have that same kid of thought like people in Non-Mainstream around me. I don't feel like end my life or anything suicidal alike but happy to leave current physicality...j

I feel for you. As I read your post I felt despair, a giving up of sorts, a relinquishing of Spirit in Self. I have felt exactly (still working on it) as you. It has become so tiresome. The repeat of the repeat. I am trying to regain joyful Spirit of Self. I don't think we rise in vibration during our "I am so tired" times. I want to be able to coexist with the free will of others without losing my joy de vive( sp
Very difficult to find people that see beyond the veil and speak clearly without condescending to the one who seeks awareness.
It is difficult regardless of which side of the veil one looks through. Loving thoughts and Spiritual healing to all here on PA>

[Antagenet]

This makes me think of one of the physical aspects of isolation, and that is in not getting hugs. Communication/interaction is great, but there is something magical and mystical about the energy exchange in hugs. It's not the degree of intimate energy exchange of sex/lovemaking, but it is closer to that realm of energy exchange than even being surrounded by friends and family.

This isn't an "answer" to loneliness and isolation - just something that popped into my head as a peripheral advantage/attribute of human physical contact.

Dennis
Hey Dennis. You ain't kidding!! In my loneliest periods I have often wanted to be able to call someone, like a hugging service, and pay for someone to hold me for a few hours. I think someone might make a fortune if they started that business.

[AutumnW]

I want to thank everyone who posted here, to support people who are struggling with loneliness and all of the attendant issues. You have all helped me a great deal and I plan to PM all of you who have expressed feelings of loneliness on this thread as well. Give me time though. My energy is very low right now.

I want to give a double dose of praise and express my gratitude and deep affection for Sidney, who immediately reached out to me in a PM, Shezbeth, Unicorn and dear Tesla, who is going through the tortures of the damned and still somehow able to keep it together. God Bless you, Tesla.

I want to draw a distinction, too, between the different kinds of solitudes.

The Two Solitudes:

One is hermetic and usually self imposed-- where you feel drawn into the deeper meaning of the world around you. You become more sensitive to the natural world, people seem kind of odious, as Dawn described, and a pleasant detachment sets in, as you pursue your introspective hobbies.

I've been there and am working on getting back there. Thanks so much Dawn, for all of your suggestions and insights there.

The other form of solitude that Sidney and I are experiencing, currently, is quite different. Significant others, like close family, have eventually all pulled away.


I managed to be happy in my solitude for many many years because my parents were alive and I knew they cared. I assumed my brother, who I was really close to, also cared. My sister, though we had a casual relationship, I thought, also really did care. My world has fallen apart, since then.

However, I will build it back up, stone by stone, brick by brick. I am not completely alone. My husband, though frequently absent and not very psychologically savvy, cares about me. I have that to build on AND all of you wonderful people, though I have never met any of you. That, could very well change!

Much love to you all,

AutumnW

[Antagenet]

I am an extremely strong individual. Every one of the doctors I have had for the last 20 years have told me that they have never encountered an individual as psychologically intact and healthy, with this disease. So...I am actually doing very well. It's a tough slog, like rolling a huge boulder uphill, everyday...but I am succeeding in rolling the boulder and not becoming embittered or brittle in the process of constant stress.

Being as constrained as I am, has become a spiritual crisis. It's a challenge to overcome, describe, explain. It helps to give me insight into others, similarly afflicted, for whatever reason, be it psychological, situational, or like me, due to illness.

For the last few years I have felt that I am being tested to the very limits of my endurance...but I WILL prevail. Nothing and nobody is going to defeat me, spiritually. My ability to love won't be destroyed by the calculated indifference of thoughtless, selfish 'friends'. No one will accuse me of 'being dark' when I am putting up a heroic struggle against the forces of darkness that they themselves unleash.



You are brave to express yourself here, and I thank you.

You are heroic in your resolve to prevail.... and very inspiring!!!

There is no shame in being the victim of abandonment by others.
The shame is theirs, and I wonder how they live with themselves
being uncaring cowards and they themselves addicted to the darkness.

[Sidney]

I was asked to elaborate a bit on my comment regarding the conspiracy part of isolation. I don't want to delve too deep, as to not derail and veer off topic, but we need to always remember, that there is deliberate programming going on, to separate people from any kind of support system. Divide and conquer, is one of their favorite tools. And to be truthful, they would prefer us to be isolated, and depressed to the point of suicide. And that doubly goes for anyone who is a TI. Either dead, or institutionalized, is their ultimate goal.

Like Autumn said, there is being alone, and then there is lonely. My definition of lonely, is feeling there is a void, where my heart used to be. A hole. But I also believe they are using frequencies, via chemtrails/haarp,satellites,television, pharmaceuticals, and all other toxins we eat drink and breathe. It is a full time job to try to keep detoxed and nourished, especially if one has a chronic illness on top of the bombardment of poisons.

Autumn, I personally want to thank you for your courage to start this important topic of conversation. It is not easy to say out loud, that I am lonely. But in the last 24 hours, I actually feel/am less lonely. And I credit you and all you beautiful people that care enough to chime in here and offer your kind thoughts, and adivice.

Dawn, I personally want to thank you too. I haven't really had the time to do the finger hold exercise yet, but I DID practice the I Love You and I am sorry, Mantra. I had to spend 4 hours driving this morning, and I chanted that mantra, almost the entire way. And there is something very soothing about that. I focused it toward, not just myself/inner child, but towards all of the people who I feel have hurt me over the years. I really do believe there is something to that, and I am sure I have barely scratched the surface with learning this healing modality. With each I love you, part of the void was filled, and with each I'm sorry, a bit of my accumulated trauma was released. I have absolutely no idea how this can possibly work, but something was occurring, I could feel it.

I also want to extend the offer to anyone here, to private message me anytime, if you feel lonely, and need a shoulder, or an open ear/heart. I am a really good listener. Love and hugs,Xo Sidney

[varuna]

AutumnW..I think you sort of hit the nail on the head, being alone is more bearable when you know that someone out there cares about you, (when your parents were alive)..it was easier..you knew they cared. Being alone and having no one takes enormous courage, to face everything alone, the bills, health issues..not to mention the state of the world!

I often look around me when I'm out and about travelling and notice that everyone is staring at some sort of electronic gadget, mobile phone, ipad, computer...as humans we have stopped looking at each other, smiling , interacting...I think this is adding another layer to our collective loneliness.

I also wanted to say that you are a very brave human being and I'm very glad you are here on Avalon :)

[vilcabamba]

I've become a recluse since awakening 6 years ago. I also became sick. I have been a hermit. I welcome being alone. I have one best friend and that is my dog. She is the only being i can really trust here. With her, i never feel alone. My family let me down, after awakening i tried to forward them videos about chemtrails etc. They shunned me and i haven't spoken to my brothers since..my mom just wants me to go away and i believe she's embarrassed by me. I don't fit in with her "program". Animals are the best to be around, but if one is ill, i would not want to get one knowing one may not be around for their entire life. It's ok to be lonely. That is just planet earth stuff, when we leave here, and go home it will be amazingly beautiful and your heart will be fulfilled. This is just a termporary place and that gives me comfort. My only goal is to help out on this shiit hole and then go back home. I don't like the cruelty here and the way families treat one another. If you had good parents then you are lucky. I just long for the day when i can get off this planet and be with like minded souls, i know that will happen and that's why i'm ok with solitude and being alone. I feel worse being around the sheeple.

[andresrx1782]

I can give you my sympathy, for, I too walk a lonesome road. The things that motivate me are my desire to spiritually evolve and the idea that I'm not truly alone, even if we are far away we are all connected, and serve as little beacons amidst the darkness. Your topic became one such for me, and I wish to someday do something that serves as a beacon for you too.

[sigma6]

FwzXrq0HxKI

Xj2bmQ4P4cM

[AutumnW]

I've become a recluse since awakening 6 years ago. I also became sick. I have been a hermit. I welcome being alone. I have one best friend and that is my dog. She is the only being i can really trust here. With her, i never feel alone. My family let me down, after awakening i tried to forward them videos about chemtrails etc. They shunned me and i haven't spoken to my brothers since..my mom just wants me to go away and i believe she's embarrassed by me. I don't fit in with her "program". Animals are the best to be around, but if one is ill, i would not want to get one knowing one may not be around for their entire life. It's ok to be lonely. That is just planet earth stuff, when we leave here, and go home it will be amazingly beautiful and your heart will be fulfilled. This is just a termporary place and that gives me comfort. My only goal is to help out on this shiit hole and then go back home. I don't like the cruelty here and the way families treat one another. If you had good parents then you are lucky. I just long for the day when i can get off this planet and be with like minded souls, i know that will happen and that's why i'm ok with solitude and being alone. I feel worse being around the sheeple.

I so get what you are saying. I almost want to leave this place permanently too, Vilcabamba, somedays anyway. I guess we are doing some serious spiritual work here, or we wouldn't feel this way.

It's things like, for me, having to eat meat, because my allergies to so many foods are so extreme. What a ludicrous position to be in. I love animals and I have to eat them! It's like a twisted joke. My very existence is predicated on the suffering of something or someone else.

How are you sick, if you don't mind writing about it. Feel free to PM me, if you'd like. My thoughts are with you.

¤=[Post Update]=¤


I can give you my sympathy, for, I too walk a lonesome road. The things that motivate me are my desire to spiritually evolve and the idea that I'm not truly alone, even if we are far away we are all connected, and serve as little beacons amidst the darkness. Your topic became one such for me, and I wish to someday do something that serves as a beacon for you too.

That is so kind. Thank you so much. Who knows, Andres...Maybe we'll become so good at this that we will become flood lights, not mere beacons!

[AutumnW]

these days i'm pretty much a loner, even room with full of people but inside i feel alone and being sick of with the crap is going on or the society is going. Alot of times especially when ever i hear people died i have that moment of happy for them because they leave this earth and bless them...i got no fear of death when i hear stuff about doomsday like asteroid hit earth and glad going home.right now as i type this, thought of about depopulation thing..i dontt really care about it, if they kill me then so be it...i leave this craphole and continue somewhere else.

don't know about you guys but i feel very tired right now and very lonely where not many people have that same kid of thought like people in Non-Mainstream around me. I don't feel like end my life or anything suicidal alike but happy to leave current physicality...j

Hang in there! We have work to do here. Those most sensitive to suffering and all of the inane bull****, may be in a unique position to help change it. I know how hard it is, but keep reaching out ,if you are down and you surely will find like minded people, like all,of us here, to help lift you up.

[AutumnW]

AutumnW, Sidney, Tesla, thanks for this intimacy! You are truly beautiful people. I've went through several periods of loneliness in my life. Now, I'm in position of trying to get time to be by myself!! (I'm introverted by nature). I realize now that what I need is balance.
When I became involved with a group of Native Americans practicing spiritual ceremonies, it was very hard for me to open up. There was a lot of self-confronting and change. I thank Creator for these people because I was accepted with all of my foibles. Through them I've met so many wonderful human beings. Yes, they are not perfect but, neither am I. It seems that what I was missing was the connection and being able to see that connection to Creator.
We all live on a strand of Grandmother Spider's great web. Whatever way you can, try to be and see that connection. For example, heart meditation is a really great way to make the connection. There are several methods out there such as those taught by Drunvalo Melchizedek or the Heart Math Institute. I offer this with my heartfelt intentions of goodwill to you.
I'll be burning some tobacco in a few minutes (Native American way of sending prayers up). I'll be praying for you today.

Thank you so much. It sounds like you have an interesting story to tell and that through your own trials and tribulations you can easily walk a mile in our shoes. And in my heart know that I am walking a mile in your .... moccasins. Take care

¤=[Post Update]=¤



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_0hxl03JoA0&feature=player_detailpage

This is an excellent video. Thanks!!

[AutumnW]

This very same topic came up in my church discussion group last week.
And many people there, who I have seen a few times a month, over the decades,
expressed that they felt a sense of isolation and loneliness, even though they were successful professionals and long standing members of the church community. Although, this cannot compare to Autumn’s case or anyone who is a shut in, for these people were ambulatory, had financial means, and had families and at least the church community and yet they still expressed that they felt lonely. No one would guess, they always walked around with a smile on their face acting upbeat. I was surprised at how many expressed it.

Advice is easily given, so much easier than being introspective about an issue, especially one as private and potentially detrimental to one’s health as isolation and loneliness.

But loneliness is a very real condition in modern society, whether one is lonely from the very real lack of energy exchange with a real human being such as shut ins can experience, or the loneliness of still feeling lonely in a family or a crowd. Few are brave enough to bring up this very important social threat to physical and mental health.

I am sure there most be many songs devoted to that aspect of our modern culture but the first one that comes to mind is the Beatles; song about all the lonely people:

"Eleanor Rigby" written by Lennon, John / Mccartney, Paul.
Ah, look at all the lonely people
Ah, look at all the lonely people
Eleanor Rigby, picks up the rice
In the church where a wedding has been
Lives in a dream
Waits at the window, wearing the face
That she keeps in a jar by the door
Who is it for?
All the lonely people
Where do they all come from?
All the lonely people
Where do they all belong?
Father McKenzie, writing the words
of a sermon that no one will hear
No one comes near
Look at him working, darning his socks
In the night when there's nobody there
What does he care?
All the lonely people
Where do they all come from?
All the lonely people
Where do they all belong?
Ah, look at all the lonely people
Ah, look at all the lonely people
Eleanor Rigby, died in the church
And was buried along with her name
Nobody came
Father McKenzie, wiping the dirt
From his hands as he walks from the grave
No one was saved
All the lonely people
(Ah, look at all the lonely people)
Where do they all come from?
All the lonely people
(Ah, look at all the lonely people)
Where do they all belong?


When was this song written forty or fifty years ago?
I have always read that generally people do not seek out friendships
With the unfornuate. When I was young I thought how cruel, but as the decades rolled by I now think how true.
Why was there a time, among the therapists, that they loved to use the saying, when you are down and out, “ fake it until you make it”

But being lonely for a weekend, a month ,or a year or two.. as one reboots their life, can not be compared to the loneliness that must be endured by the “ shut- ins decade after decade. Or has society regulated that responsibility to the social workers ,and health care workers who are just doing their jobs and not actually creating meaningful or even social friendships with the most isolated humans in society, often through no fault of their own except for living in this modern culture we all contribute to.

Life is hard on everyone, but for those who are forever sick, forever shut in, well they indeed live by circumstances that most of us could never understand. They truly know what it is like to be alone. Much like when someone is in the process of dying, it’s a very lonely experience.
I have no answers, except to admit to oneself that you are lonely if indeed you are, and then to strategize on what steps you can start taking today and next week to find resolution to that threatening state to your mental and physical health. And if you are not lonely after much introspection, maybe you can look around your neighborhood and community and see what minutes or hours you have to help break this dreaded menace of loneliness in modern society and make that old saying that humans do not seek friendships out with the unfortunate.
All just my humble opinion

Sincerely

Mr. Davis

Thank you for the acknowledgement of the unique problems facing the chronically ill. The one thing that tends to make being alone easier for me, much of the time, is a simple lack of energy. I like to be sheltered away from everything, particularly noise then. Being sick makes most people very sensitive to sound. Certain sounds and frequencies can elicit a falling on the floor crying response from me, when I am particularly ill. It's so weird.

It's only when I am feeling a little better that I experience a desire for human interaction.

I think,too, that some of what I have been calling loneliness, is grief and feelings of abandonment. I don't think they will last too long. I know there are so many people who are having more difficult problems than I am. In a way, having a strong taste of what they are forced to eat, in huge dollops, is a good thing, in aggregate. It's a tough way to learn about it though.

I'm not shut in completely. Usually able to be up and about for about an hour per day!

Thanks again

[Sidney]

One thing that helps me with my extra bad days are my beloved fur balls.!! :)
2542825429

[Sidney]

Hello!! I have created a group for sharing of these topics. Free Daily virtual hug with each membership!!:hug::grouphug:
http://projectavalon.net/forum4/group.php?groupid=105

[AutumnW]

Great idea, Sidney!

Now I just have to figure out how to join a group. It's probably pretty easy. I have a twitchy Internet connection that keeps bumping me off (See? Nobody loves me!! LOL), so I will try to get on it ASAP but may be mired in Internet rejection issues!

Anyway, let's all get together in our group and yadayadayada. We can swap conspiracy info about illnesses that are becoming more prevalent nowadays too. More than anything, let's have fun!

Give the fur- people a pat for me!

[AutumnW]

My husband died since I started this thread. Fortunately, in the few months before he died, I worked doubly hard to deal with issues of isolation, for the sake of my sanity.

My husband was healthy, for the most part and his death was not expected, on a conscious level. There were some inexplicable events surrounding the 48 hours prior to his death, though; a foreshadowing I picked up on.

Some days I feel pretty lost but I DO have a small supportive network of friends who are there for me. My husband's family is also as much there as they can be. My siblings were predictable. Such a great thing that I figured out beforehand how they would behave in a crisis and was prepared for it.

The process of stress testing crucial relationships puts the person who is 'reality testing' under a pretty heavy burden. I wasn't the most pleasant individual in text and it bled through in some of my posts on other threads and towards other posters. I apologize for that. When you are trying to ferret out the bullSh** in your interpersonal realm, it is easy to become too easily triggered by anything that looks like insincerity. But... I should have been more circumspect. I apologize for that.

I really miss my husband but feel he is with me still; guiding me and loving me. He just isn't here-- but he had huge problems with his most recent incarnation here and is apparently really happy where he is. Yesterday I was talking to him and asking him if he was still able to hear me. There was a knock at the door. The dog ran barking to it. I heard it clearly but there was 'nobody' there.

[ulli]

My husband died since I started this thread. Fortunately, in the few months before he died, I worked doubly hard to deal with issues of isolation, for the sake of my sanity.

My husband was healthy, for the most part and his death was not expected, on a conscious level. There were some inexplicable events surrounding the 48 hours prior to his death, though; a foreshadowing I picked up on.

Some days I feel pretty lost but I DO have a small supportive network of friends who are there for me. My husband's family is also as much there as they can be. My siblings were predictable. Such a great thing that I figured out beforehand how they would behave in a crisis and was prepared for it.

The process of stress testing crucial relationships puts the person who is 'reality testing' under a pretty heavy burden. I wasn't the most pleasant individual in text and it bled through in some of my posts on other threads and towards other posters. I apologize for that. When you are trying to ferret out the bullSh** in your interpersonal realm, it is easy to become too easily triggered by anything that looks like insincerity. But... I should have been more circumspect. I apologize for that.

I really miss my husband but feel he is with me still; guiding me and loving me. He just isn't here-- but he had huge problems with his most recent incarnation here and is apparently really happy where he is. Yesterday I was talking to him and asking him if he was still able to hear me. There was a knock at the door. The dog ran barking to it. I heard it clearly but there was 'nobody' there.

These are the kinds of testimonies the world needs, to get people to understand that other dimensions exist.
While I feel for your loneliness, knowing all about it on a 3D level, I also experience and appreciate the comfort that comes via those subtle knocks.

[AutumnW]

Thanks Ulli,

I can't emphasize enough how important it is to arrange your life in such a way, that it is somewhat emotionally shock-proofed. My husband kick started this process 2 years ago, by confronting my siblings with his observations; something he felt should have been done over a decade ago.

The ensuing feelings of loss and contraction of my social sphere were pretty extreme. But it was all worth it, in the end. It was as if he was preparing for his death and didn't want me to be blindsided by more grief at that time.

He made several references to untimely death and preparations to reincarnate in the year before he died. There was a tremendous sense of urgency, that wasn't justified by his physical condition. He was very world weary and had been for years. He shouldered huge burdens. He did volunteer work for 911Truth and was a well respected science journalist. He wasn't just a good man, he was a great man. I was fortunate to have been able to lease him from the universe for so many years.

[Joe Sustaire]

Dawn, I just have to thank you for posting this finger-holding technique. It's phenomenal!
It really does appear to open up blocked channels letting your energy flow and heal your body/spirit. I tried it just before bed one night to try and help my feelings of loneliness. Shockingly it appears to have cleared up my sinus/congestion problems. For months and months, seemingly forever, my head clogs up when trying to sleep, can only sleep on one side to avoid complete head congestion and always have lots of head clearing to do in the morning. That night I breathed easily through both nostrils and slept comfortably, both sides and back.

I tried it again last night and had another great nights sleep! When I started out, the finger-holding, it took a long time to feel the faintest pulse. When I did or thought I did I would move on to another finger. I kept repeating the sequence and finally started feeling the full finger pulse/throb. The second night it took awhile to feel the strong pulse also, so it feels like I really did/do have blockages to my energy flow that this opens up.

Thanks again for posting this and I will be reading further into Jin Shin Jyutsu!

ps.... It does seem to help my general sense of well-being/loneliness also.

[Pris]

Dawn, I just have to thank you for posting this finger-holding technique. It's phenomenal!
It really does appear to open up blocked channels letting your energy flow and heal your body/spirit. I tried it just before bed one night to try and help my feelings of loneliness. Shockingly it appears to have cleared up my sinus/congestion problems. For months and months, seemingly forever, my head clogs up when trying to sleep, can only sleep on one side to avoid complete head congestion and always have lots of head clearing to do in the morning. That night I breathed easily through both nostrils and slept comfortably, both sides and back.

I tried it again last night and had another great nights sleep! When I started out, the finger-holding, it took a long time to feel the faintest pulse. When I did or thought I did I would move on to another finger. I kept repeating the sequence and finally started feeling the full finger pulse/throb. The second night it took awhile to feel the strong pulse also, so it feels like I really did/do have blockages to my energy flow that this opens up.

Thanks again for posting this and I will be reading further into Jin Shin Jyutsu!

ps.... It does seem to help my general sense of well-being/loneliness also.

Thanks for sharing, Joe Sustaire! :)

I'm a bit late getting in here. Thanks, Dawn! :)


I am always looking for ways to balance and find more freedom. I'd like to suggest you try a very simple do-it-yourself self help technique. Found hidden in an ancient manuscript was a very simple method of balancing emotions, organs, and the energy flow of your own body. This has been named 'Jin Shin Jyutsu Is', which translates as 'Getting to Know (Help) Myself Art of Living'. Believe it or not you can use this for less than an hour daily and your feelings of loneliness will vanish, along with any depression, sadness, grief, or anger!

Seems to good to be true... right? Well, I use this daily and I can tell you that it truly works... and works well.


So here's the first simple self help you can do... just wrap your thumb and fingers of the LEFT hand gently around each and every digit of the RIGHT hand, one at a time. Hold each finger (and the thumb too) until you feel them begin to pulse. Then switch hands and do all the fingers (and thumb) of the LEFT hand by holding them with your RIGHT hand one at a time.

Your self treatment will look like this.


http://naturallynourishedwoman.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/handswh2-300x229.gif

What is actually happening is that you are balancing the electrical system in your body and each digit on your hands is directly related to different parts of this system. When the electrical system of your body is shut down, the result is negative emotions including loneliness. Being bed ridden or unable to exercise for some time almost guarantees that your body is having trouble balancing itself... but you can help it in this very simple way.

There are some really simple self-help books, but there are also some wonderful web sites that you can enjoy if you desire.

:bump:

[Pris]

Oh, hey. I'm also trying this finger-holding technique on my toes (fingers holding toes). There's some nerve damage in the toes of one of my feet, and I'm hoping this helps to get some energy flowing into them.

[Joe Sustaire]

Good idea Pris, I hadn't thought of that. I also have some nerve damage in one foot, worth giving it a try!

[Cara]

I have been sick for thirty five years and virtually house bound for ten years. My life is a battle to stay positive, see the good in people, believe that I have value when I am shunned because I can't participate in most activities.

Believe it or not, I'm not throwing myself a pity party. I am exposing a vulnerability and want people to join in this discussion about social isolation and the sadness and grief that come from being ignored--for whatever reason.

There is nothing to be ashamed of. It's a modern disease and it's a killer.

Let's talk about it.


...Psychologists refer to loneliness as a modern disease. People are living longer, getting divorced, move frequently, change jobs, are widowed, etc..

... Here's the dynamic of admitting loneliness and having very few bonds. If people pick up on this, you automatically lose status. We are social animals and coming out and saying you are lonely, gives people the feeling, "Doesn't she have any pride?"

You are then automatically consigned to beta status, in their no-minds. Then they themselves begin to ignore you. I am not bringing this up for sympathy. I am studying it. I'm not ashamed of admitting to crushing loneliness at times, and mild loneliness much of the time.

I am very open about all aspects of my life. I do care what people think, and I would like to retain the strong alpha status I had in this unfortunate baboon colony, called Modern Life, when I was much younger and healthier. But I would prefer not to wear a mask of fake normalcy, when I and my life are anything but normal.

Most people are lonely much of the time and don't really know what is wrong. They think they are depressed when really what they need is the company of authentic other people and attachments to others.


My husband died since I started this thread. Fortunately, in the few months before he died, I worked doubly hard to deal with issues of isolation, for the sake of my sanity.

My husband was healthy, for the most part and his death was not expected, on a conscious level. There were some inexplicable events surrounding the 48 hours prior to his death, though; a foreshadowing I picked up on.

Some days I feel pretty lost but I DO have a small supportive network of friends who are there for me. My husband's family is also as much there as they can be. My siblings were predictable. Such a great thing that I figured out beforehand how they would behave in a crisis and was prepared for it.

...

I really miss my husband but feel he is with me still; guiding me and loving me. He just isn't here-- but he had huge problems with his most recent incarnation here and is apparently really happy where he is. Yesterday I was talking to him and asking him if he was still able to hear me. There was a knock at the door. The dog ran barking to it. I heard it clearly but there was 'nobody' there.

For everyone who might be lonely, and for those who are not, this thread is a gift.

It’s not the normal gift, wrapped in paper and ribbons, a pleasant diversion from life.

Instead it is a gift of clearsighted courage, of seeing things as they are and responding with strength and purpose.

~~~

I “walk the line” between despair, isolation & loneliness and being alone, choosing detachment and distance.

I mentioned elsewhere that as a small child, my younger sister was extremely ill with a bone marrow disease for 9 years. I was always on the outside - excluded from but a witness to the pain. Too young to understand yet old enough to imagine the pain. Much of my childhood was spent with me bursting into tears and running out the house to cry in the garden. I walked among the trees until the tears stopped.

My classmates at school avoided me as if I was contagious. I was never in the crowd, the “cool” set, the gang of friends. I lost myself in books, ballet lessons and tears in the garden.

The first time I felt really accepted was ironically when I studied engineering. I was one of three girls in a class of 120. The “unsentimentality” of the guys was a blessing. I was a girl, I was odd - for being female - and that was that. They invited me into their mathematical world of things with no pretensions.

After that, I more or less did alright “pretending” to be a corporate person for a while but it burnt me out - I can’t pretend without huge cost to myself.

And so again I was outside. I have spent eight years in the Dubai desert - a literal and metaphorical one for me. The first two I was still in my corporate “pretending”. The next five were spent in a state of exhaustion and in the pits of despair. I was lost in loneliness. Over and over the words “what’s wrong with me?” circled in my mind. I felt I would never find my way out.

But I slogged on. I found some reasons why I was always wondering what was wrong with me. I found some consolation in “facing some of my demons”. I prayed. I asked for help from a couple of people, strangers really. A few gifted me with their full attention.

:flower:

And I am fine, currently on the side of the line between loneliness and detachment, finding my way as I can.

[greybeard]

Im not fond of living on my own.
I keep busy as best I can but, yes, sometimes the alone -ness gets to me--then life can seem a bit pointless.
However music seems to be the best answer--its a gift to be able to play and listen.

Spirituality is well known for dark nights of the soul and for all that I feel that Im looked after--Im supposed to be on my own at the moment and there are benefits.
Chris

[RogueEllis]

I was recently asked, "Don't you want someone to share your life with?"

Why did I feel guilty when I replied "No?"

[Orph]

Loneliness is who I am. It's only painful when I'm around people.

[Rhogar]

Loneliness is who I am. It's only painful when I'm around people.

Nice one mate.I have been alone my entire life and had tough ride so far,but living alone made me stronger.

I don't want to sound egotistic, but living like this requires a strong will and clearly it's not for everybody.

[Ernie Nemeth]

I cannot live alone. I am an entirely different person on my own. I need a woman to keep me on the straight and narrow. I can't and won't do it for myself.

In my sixty years I have only been on my own for 11 months and it was my most miserable year of my life.

[Mike]

I've always preferred being alone. I tend to get exhausted with too much company, too often.

However, it may just be a symptom of this fatigue disorder( mitochondrial disorder)I have more than an actual preference. Occasionally I'll be blessed with vim and vigor, and I find - not too surprisingly - that I'm a very different person when that happens.

So I'll sometimes wonder: who am I? Am I the sluggish guy with the fatigue disorder? Or the guy just behind all that, being weighed down by the fatigue? I prefer to think the latter. It's so glorious when the fog lifts - my mind is quick and agile and loaded with ideas and solutions to problems, and I'm much more likely to socialize. But most of the time it's an enormous struggle, and I want to find a cool and dark room to hide in.

I wonder if that's the same with others; perhaps preferring loneliness is a default position due to something else...like fatigue, or perhaps anxiety or something.

On the flip side, I do wonder a bit about those who always need company. A woman I was seeing recently has an enormous posse of friends, and I found that a little suspicious(maybe unfairly). She views my 3 or 4 close friends as limiting, and I view her large group as exhausting and unnecessary. We both represent extremes I guess, so the attitudes there aren't too surprising.

I've gone very long periods of time alone, and I don't mind it. But I do worry that perhaps I'm doing some sort of psychic damage I'm unaware of. People around me tend to view me as "weird" or "eccentric", and my natural reaction is to see that as a badge of honor. And maybe it is, but there is such a thing as spending too much time alone, and having been alone for so long, a loner won't notice when it happens. That's the danger. Without someone providing relativity or a kind of checks and balances, one's quirks and so forth can become distorted and damaging.

[RogueEllis]

I cannot live alone. I am an entirely different person on my own. I need a woman to keep me on the straight and narrow. I can't and won't do it for myself.

In my sixty years I have only been on my own for 11 months and it was my most miserable year of my life.

I am curious about people like you, because I believe you are my exact opposite. Recently, I met someone who was very interested in a relationship and asked me the aforementioned question about being alone. I felt guilty and didn't know why I had to feel guilty just because I wanted to be by myself. I suppose I felt selfish. Like there's something wrong with me. Why is my heart so cold that it can not accept the love of others? All of this because I simply want to be alone.

[avid]

After years of being ‘gregarious’, and my career was to deal with students etc etc, I am now in such happy solitude, hating sound and light incursions by selfish neighbours, causing my peaceful existence scuppered by ‘statutory nuisance’, making me have my bedside light on dimmed all night to deflect their unnecessary ludicrous garden lighting, and now noise... wind chimes, enough to remind me of ‘water-tortures’ of constant dripping of a sound which eventually becomes obnoxious.
Gone are my dreams of open blinds watching the stars at night, as we used to do here, and the unnecessary light-energy-wasting neighbours who can't even be bothered to flick a switch at bedtime. The most annoying and uneducated folk.... but otherwise, living in the countryside is so therapeutic, despite slurry smells, I feel I am home at last. Wondrous views, amazing history here. I have come home at last.. so sod the daft neighbours!

[wondering]

Almost 2 years ago my husband, who is now 86, had a spinal injury and spent two months in the hospital - when he was discharged home he could not bear any wreight and had to be transferred from bed to chair with a transfer board. He has had much PT and is now able to use a walker to a limited extent. I have taken total care of him, I am a retired nurse, and his family has chosen to not be involved - my family lives out of state. We have supportive neighbors which is a gift. It has been a very difficult time and my greatest fear is that he could become worse and would require care in a facility. My interests and friends, except for a few, have dropped away since I can be out of the house for limited periods and am also exhausted and very anxious.
I really try to take it one day at a time and not fear the future and my ability to do this changes day by day. It’s just where I am for now. I pray to trust that no matter what is ahead I can manage it.
I’m not really asking for advice, per se, but I just want to say what life is like for me right now. It feels good to do that and to know that other people have their isolation and struggles, too. Diane

[Sunny-side-up]

Just wan't to say

Love you all.

[amor]

Dear Autumn: You have the same first name and first letter of your last name as my grand niece, and for some time I thought your posts on Avalon were hers. She is a young lady, quite pretty, who was married and had two boys, one a baby, just before her husband died of bone cancer caused by keeping a cell phone in his pants pocket, obviously not turned off. There was a two year struggle to save his life. Before his death he told her he would let her know whether his consciousness survived. The day of his funeral, all of the lights of their community went down for no apparent reason that could be found. Apparently this was an arranged signal between them. She will shortly finish college degrees, her boys are growing well, and a young man who cared for her in school has become her new partner.

I am now 80 years of age with serious back injuries which limit my getting around; however, I am still climbing the ladder to the roof to repair torn shingles, etc. Because I have had to move back and forth between countries with my parents and because of them from time to time, the few friends I was able to make and keep in life have dwindled for one reason or another, including death. Therefore, I find myself quite alone. My brother and his descendants live very far away. I have been deeply lonely in life when married to the wrong person at a time I should have been having children. I nursed both parents who died and have had many experiences in communication with the dead. What free time I have is spent searching for information about the world I have been living in. Unfortunately, there are few people I can remember with love and affection. Most of them must have been having a hard time and taking it out on anyone within reach. Therefore, I have learned how to keep my own company and my controversial ideas to myself. The kind of people found on Avalon are rare. Feel free to communicate with me any time.

[Cara]

This Vox article shares some astounding figures on loneliness from a YouGov poll. Loneliness is increasing and many people report having no friends.

I don’t agree with their statement that loneliness can be helpful: it fails to distinguish between being alone and being lonely.


22 percent of millennials say they have “no friends”
Loneliness can be helpful, unless it becomes chronic.

Brian ResnickAug 1, 2019, 12:30pm EDT

Today, members of the millennial generation are ages 23 to 38 (https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2019/01/17/where-millennials-end-and-generation-z-begins/). These ought to be prime years of careers taking off and starting families, before joints really begin to ache. Yet as a recent poll and some corresponding research indicate, there’s something missing for many in this generation: companionship.

A recent poll from YouGov, a polling firm and market research company, found (https://go.redirectingat.com/?id=66960X1516588&xs=1&url=https%3A%2F%2Ftoday.yougov.com%2Ftopics%2Flifestyle%2Farticles-reports%2F2019%2F07%2F30%2Floneliness-friendship-new-friends-poll-survey) that 30 percent of millennials say they feel lonely. This is the highest percentage of all the generations surveyed.

https://cdn.vox-cdn.com/thumbor/pCq8uT40ZFu--bqb8D_yANtxZ18=/0x0:974x389/1520x0/filters:focal(0x0:974x389):no_upscale()/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_asset/file/18371819/Friendship_Millennials_1.png
YouGov

Furthermore, 22 percent of millennials in the poll said they had zero friends. Twenty-seven percent said they had “no close friends,” 30 percent said they have “no best friends,” and 25 percent said they have no acquaintances. (I wonder if the poll respondents have differing thoughts on what “acquaintance” means; I take it to mean “people you interact with now and then.”)

In comparison, just 16 percent of Gen Xers and 9 percent of baby boomers say they have no friends.

The poll, which looked at 1,254 adults 18 and up, did not report results for the up-and-coming Gen Z (who report high levels of loneliness on other surveys (https://www.cigna.com/newsroom/news-releases/2018/new-cigna-study-reveals-loneliness-at-epidemic-levels-in-america)), or for the oldest adults in the country. And we should note: Loneliness tends to increase markedly after age 75 (https://oda-hioa.archive.knowledgearc.net/bitstream/handle/10642/6554/von%2BSoest%252C%2BLuhmann%252C%2BHansen%252C%2B%2526%2BGerstorf%2B201831635.pdf?sequence=2&isAllowed=y); social isolation among the elderly remains a huge problem that will only grow worse as baby boomers age. So perhaps it’s not the case that millennials are the loneliest of all.

Still, the findings on millennials are surprising. Why do a fifth of these 20- and 30-somethings say they lack friends? YouGov’s poll didn’t measure why.

If this generation is truly lonelier, that’s concerning for a number of reasons: Research shows that loneliness tends to increase as we get older. What will happen to millennials, who are already reporting high levels of loneliness, when they reach old age?...
More and from here: https://www.vox.com/science-and-health/2019/8/1/20750047/millennials-poll-loneliness

[Strat]

I've gone very long periods of time alone, and I don't mind it. But I do worry that perhaps I'm doing some sort of psychic damage I'm unaware of. People around me tend to view me as "weird" or "eccentric", and my natural reaction is to see that as a badge of honor. And maybe it is, but there is such a thing as spending too much time alone, and having been alone for so long, a loner won't notice when it happens. That's the danger. Without someone providing relativity or a kind of checks and balances, one's quirks and so forth can become distorted and damaging.

I very much can relate to this. While I don't have your health issues, I obviously have my own health issues which are on the extreme end of the spectrum. Point being, we're in the same boat but for different reasons.

I'm viewed in the same light: a light that's not of the norm. However, my life is not normal, my health is not normal, therefore the way I chose to live will not be normal. Technically, my personality is a normal reaction to abnormal circumstances. Folks think I'm weird for not wanting to go on camping trips that will allow oneself to indulge in any and all worldly pleasures. Well if they understood what it's like to have poor sleep as a result of such indulgences, thereby causing seizures and ambulance trips they'd understand.

Maybe I don't have the necessary prowess to articulate, or maybe they are a bunch of ****ing numb skulls.

The fact that I don't mind being a bit of an outsider took a lot of work. I'm still sometimes upset but only in fleeting moments of weakness. I used to be socially inept and loneliness was the result. I didn't have a choice of what to do. Now if I stay home on a saturday night or something it's a choice. I think to myself, "What will I accomplish closing out the bar tonight?" Knowing that I'm staying home doesn't bother me when I know it's my choice. I can walk into several locations around here and as soon as I open the door my name is yelled out and I'm greeted by hugs and handshakes. But being part of the popular crowd isn't all that great. Also the popular crowd tends to not care about your well being, only that you can 'keep up' so to speak.

So yeah. I'm not exactly part of the popular crowd, I just kinda rub shoulders with it. The crowd doesn't get why I don't dive in head first, but they have simple lives and simple brains.

[Franny]

Years ago I worked with a woman from Iran while working in lower Manhattan. Her family left Iran in the late 1970s during the revolution. It's a country where extended families often live together in a house or compound and it's how she was raised. I always remember something told me in around 1990. She said that Americans were so much more isolated and lonely than people in Iran or any of the countries she had lived.

The epidemic and perhaps a new direction:

The Loneliness Epidemic
m3aIQuMWJCA

[graciousb]

I appreciate this thread, very deep stuff. Although I grew up in a large, extended family, due to time, death, moving, and attrition, that has dwindled to just a few, and I've spent huge swaths of my adult life essentially alone (sometimes married but still very alone). I do like some time alone and have both introvert/extrovert traits, but I deeply believe this way of life is not ideal for our species. I've had exposure to very different cultures, and noticed for example in the middle east in more traditional people, very little depression or existential ennui which is a plague in the west. I found the lack of privacy and constant presence of others invasive and off-putting at first but over time I grew to see that as annoying as it could be it was probably preferable to how most of us live. We are social animals, our brains and neurotransmitters are built for connection and interaction with others. The stories of bodies found in homes, long dead, sometimes mummified, and no one knew or checked or cared..I don't know, that is too poignant.

[thepainterdoug]

autumn, w , this is a hard post. are you as you were when posted? can you give me an update on how you are and has anything improved ? thank you/ d

[AutumnW]

Hi Painter Doug, Cara and other posters,

Thanks so much for bringing this thread back to life. My husband died suddenly 10 weeks after I posted it. I was too busy attending to details and too emotionally numb to feel anything at that time. Loneliness wasn't an option. I have since remarried and am happy with my new mate who is a wonderful human being.

My health has deteriorated a bit more but luckily I don't usually have pain to deal with, just major discomfort. I have withdrawn from the social sphere and happily. I am not a big fan of the human race.

People are problematic. That includes me, of course. I feel more and more like an anthropologist when I am interacting with fellow humans in the real world. I have absolutely nothing in common with them. Zero. No kids, grand kids, no common interests. If they are mainstream thinkers, I don't want to be around them. If they are conspiracy minded, but waaaayyyyy out there, that's too much too.

My patience is tested by most people, though I can honestly say, i 'like' them. A lot of my attitude is due simply to a complete lack of energy.

I would describe my current life as being alone most of the time but not lonely. I am sure that the amount of alone time I experience has warped me in some way, but, in other ways, it has helped me to gain some insight...at least I hope so.

I winced when I went over my original post as I spoke of being 'shunned.' That was temporary and was one person, a cluster B type always looking for fresh narcissistic supply. She's the only woman who has ever recieved a full blast of fury from me and God, did it feel good. Malignant narcs just aren't expecting anyone would be so on to them, so quickly. Anyway, I wrote how I felt at that time and I was feeling very dejected.

All is okay now. A few people have my back. Some of my family relationships are better. I would advise all those who have doubts about their nearest and dearest, particularly family to get very clear about where you stand with them. You don't want to find out if you become very ill or as you age that they may not be there for you. If they don't appreciate your unique challenges today, they are unlikely to if things worsen. That whole line of thinking where, " Oh, so and so, is absent in my life, but they will be there for me if I really need them." Wrong. Find out asap. Don't be blindsided by family, particularly.

[Bill Ryan]

:heart: :heart: :heart: to AutumnW. I think many might join on that. :flower: