4 Months Pregnant, Feel Like Complete #$&@

[Molly]

delete delete delete delete delete the thread

[jagman]

I't sounds like your boyfriend is cheating on you Molly.I know that's a hard pill to swallow
but you even referenced it in your thread about 3 times. So I do believe somewhere in the
recesses of your mind you believe it to be so.
Molly, You can be a complete happy person alone believe it or not. Stop worrying about
the medical bills. Suicide is very selfish act Your son needs you and you need him!
I wishing you well

[Sidney]

Awe Molly, First and foremost. Welcome to planet earth. It does seem we come here for suffering. That said, along with the suffering, there are blessings.
My child this week, turned sixteen, had her first real date, got her driving license, opened a checking account, and drove to school by herself. ONE WEEK.:clock: This:baby: to this :wizard:. Well not quite, but so many things you have to look forward to.
I also know someone who was incredibly sick the entire 9 months. And she and the baby were fine after the birth. But you need to take care of you. You can't take care of baby if you dont take care of you first.
I have been through a lot of crap in my life. A LOT.
You didn't ask for advice about your guy, so I won't give you any, but I am old, I have seen a lot of life, and if you would like some motherly advice without asking your mother:), feel free to PM me any time if you like.
You didn't specify your symptoms, but there are a LOT of home remedies for pregnancy ailments. If you have nausea problems, ginger root is awesome. Get prenatal vitamins with folic acid if you haven't already. And stay hydrated. I somehow got terribly dehydrated when I was pregnant and didn't know it. Just sip water throughout the day. Don't drink too much at once. But its really important to stay very well hydrated and go for walks, it clears the head and stimulates endorphine production.
If it really bothers you, that your BF hangs with his ex, then you should let him know that. I do not think that is out of line. If he really loves you, then he should understand your feelings. I sure as hell wouldn't want my man(if I had one that is,lol) hanging out with an ex girlfriend. Sorry, thats just the way I roll. By the way, if he does not marry you, or support you in any way, well, you should be checking into child support laws in your state. Because, you are going to need it.
Continue to reach out to your friends, here and at home. Emotional support is highly under rated IMO. Throw away the cigarettes. you know why, so I won't give a lecture. Throw them away. You are no longer a smoker. Please try.
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary set of problems. You are NEEDED and you are LOVED. You are worthy, and you are valuable and BEAUTIFUL. Trust me. You ARE all of that.
I too have a boat load of problems, and I live one day at a time.
Some day, your child will be getting their driving license, and today will be a spec of dust in history. Tomorrow will always be better than today.

[Ahnung-quay]

I second jagman's opinion that your boyfriend is cheating on you. A man who is in a relationship should never have to be with an ex-girlfriend. You should not make it clear that you won't tolerate it and let the chips fall where they may. If he wanted to get a different apartment, he would take a day off from work to go look or arrange for appointments on his days off. It sounds like he is making excuses. Also, there are many women out there who put sisterhood with other women second after a relationship and will not hesitate to cheat and lie; been there and had it done to trusting lil' old me.
Bills are also not the end of the world. Call the hospital/clinic financial accounts department and set up a payment plan with them. They have to accept whatever monthly amount that you can afford to pay even if it is only $10.00. Perhaps they will also take some volunteer hours in exchange for some of the bill.
Suicide is never an answer. Get comfortable in your own skin. You may want to get involved in helping other struggling women in some way.
Good luck Molly. I'll be praying for you and your children!

[Mini Flash]

Dear Molly... Don't be so harsh on yourself! Every hero has a momment of weakness to get back up and be stronger. I have a good feeling about your two kids... I have a feeling that they will grow up to be amazing souls. Don't give up on them.. They can be the light in your day and put a smile on your face. Don't worry too much about your boyfriend. Save yourself before saving others. If you don't save yourself, how are you going to be able to always be there for others?

You decide what's going on in your life.. Don't let cr*p get into your life.

I can see you are very strong.. And i admire you for that

Hang in there.. I love you very much

[Mini Flash]

25493

Here is a technique that helped me alot. You should try it.

You decide your life.. So everything that is happening is caused by you

So you have to say ''I love myself, I am apologizing to myself for making me live this, I am forgiving myself and i am thanking myself''. And keep repeating it: I love you, i'm sorry, forgive me, thank you.

Keep repeating this to yourself. I often forgive and end up loving myself while using this technique. This might help you

[Molly]

delete this thread please

[Ellisa]

One of the best kept secrets in the whole world is that for some women pregnancy is just awful!! No matter how much the baby is wanted something somewhere makes the poor woman feel wretched. It can even happen to princesses! It is possible to feel like this for the entire nine months--- but the amazing thing is that on delivery the whole thing stops. The baby is out and the mother (still a bit disbelieving) is able to eat, think and eventually dare to be well again. No books will prepare you, really no one can prepare you because it is so unexpected.

But, Molly, as well as the pregnancy you have other things to deal with, and you need help. The suggestion to go to the hospital account department is a good one. They may be able to set up a repayment you can afford. I would be able to help you access help in my country, but I do not know what is available for you, though I am sure there would be help for pregnant women in your situation. Don't be afraid to ask for help, there are those who will want to support you, now, and after your child is born. Make sure the father is also involved, force him if necessary, from your story he sounds not ready to take on this responsibility. Make sure he does. It takes two to make a baby, and he is the other one!

I wish you and your baby well, and hope that, with help, you are able to solve things, and are able to welcome and enjoy your baby.

[Tesla_WTC_Solution]

I apologize for dumping this all out here. It may be too much to read, will probably offend some people, things like that.
I just can not hold these things in any longer. I'm overwhelmed with stress, guilt, sadness. I've been having nightmares every night for 2 weeks now. I honestly did not think I could get pregnant again. I was told by a doctor that I had a significant amount of scar tissue damage due to an IUD I had in for about 5 years. I was in a relationship with a man for 2 years, he wanted to have a child, we tried for a year, nothing would happen. He had gotten an ex pregnant but she aborted it, so we figured it was the issue at my end. Maybe she lied to him or was pregnant by someone else. I guess no one will ever know. He ended up dumping me because my inability to create a child with him made me unattractive to him. It hurt but I accepted it & moved on. I have no ill feelings towards him anymore & wish him the best, hope he gets what he wants some day.
So I met a new man in September of 2013, got pregnant sometime in December. Right now I have over $6,000 in medical bills for 2 visits to the emergency room and 2 visits to an OB/GYN for prenatal care. I was having severe cramping & a little bleeding, so my doctor told me to go to the E.R...got every test under the sun ran on me, was told I & the baby are fine. Then I woke up one day feeling extremely ill, like I had the flu, was so dizzy I couldn't walk. Again, doctor said to go to the E.R...so I did. Once again, they said I was fine & that some women actually can feel like crap the first trimester.. which I knew that but wow, I didn't know It'd feel THAT BAD.
So yeah.. over 6 grand in medical bills. I got a letter from DSS saying my application for medicaid was approved but I am still getting these bills. I only have a part time job. I am trying to make more money by applying at as many places that I can for a second job & also by selling jewelry & art i've made. I'm lucky if I make $300 total a month from my part time job AS WELL as my jewelry & art. I've tried selling music i've made but only made about $20 off it in a year, most ends up on file sharing programs & it sort of hurts me to see that.. people just see it as more music out there to take.. they don't know what is behind it. they dont know i've made it because i suffer..because it is one of the only things i can do half way decent thanks to how screwed up in the head i can be some times, it's an escape from my mind, its not to look cool or get famous. i usually make it at night when i can't sleep due to be woke up from a nightmare about things from my childhood. i justify it with.. maybe these people are like me & have hardly no money to spend.. maybe they CAN sense something in it & thats why they took it.. not to be thieves but to just be able to listen & understand. I don't know. I'm so nuts that i have to self-manipulate & brainwash myself into happier scenarios like that at times because the 'other truth' is just too much to take in.
The relationship with the man seems to be adding more stress on me than I need. I love him dearly but he is a lot to deal with at times (not abusive or anything but he has severe O.C.D. & anxiety & it hurts to watch him suffer & not be able to do anything about it). I'm of course hormonal as hell right now & will openly admit that I sometimes get pings of jealousy whenever he is hanging out with his ex girlfriend, who lives next door to him. It seems like as soon as I'm gone, he's with her.. & they have so much in common, she helps him feel better in ways I can't, so.. What's most screwed up about it is that I *do want* him to be happy, I think I *do trust* him with her, I've met & hung out with her, she's an awesome beautiful girl & I like her, but deep down it just makes me sad some times when they're together having fun. She lives on her own, has a steady job. I'm still stuck at my parents. I'm fully aware & see it right in front of my face that chances are 99.9% i have NOTHING to worry about between the 2 of them & that i am simply projecting my own ears, my own lack of self-worth & self esteem. I SEE IT! GREAT! BUT HOW DO I STOP THE CRAP?!
My mother is an ex-drug addict who used to be a dominatrix & my father is a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I try to not judge them & I appreciate what they have done for me but I can not just ignore how negative they are at times. My mom constantly talks about how all men are pigs & can't be trusted.. my father constantly talks about politics & his hatred towards certain people not just around me but also my kid.
I can't ignore how when I was only about 5 or 6 years old I went into their room to ask if I could have something to eat & instead of an answer, my father punched me so hard in the stomach I couldn't breathe..while mom just sat there on her ass doing nothing. They hit me a good bit when I was little, mom would say things like 'maybe we'd show you more attention if you did more chores like your brother.'. things like that. They feel guilty about it though, trust me.. they know they messed up with me. They buy my 11 year old son everything under the sun. That kid seriously has more toys, video game systems & video games than he knows what to do with...yet..
The house they live in is disgusting.. my mother is a hoarder.. there's dirt everywhere.. old food & drink stuck to floors.. black mold all over the bathroom walls. I'm the only one who cleans around here. My mom helps out once in a blue moon but for the most part whenver she feels like doing anything she uses the energy to leave us & go to the beach or spend my dads money on more crap she doesn't need.
I feel just completely, totally overwhelmed lately. I feel like theres no way out. I even contemplated getting an abortion a couple months ago but couldnt bring myself to do it. I feel like all of my past failures & mistakes have turned into a giant tornado & are swallowing me up & I can't get out. My boyfriend wants us to live together..he has his own place but its not big enough so we go to look for a bigger place but can't talk to any of the management to even apply because he doesn't get out of work until theyre closed. It just feels like all odds are against me. I had quit smoking but then started again. I feel horrible about that. I worry about the baby & feel very selfish & ashamed of myself for smoking but the stress is driving up the damn wall.
Let me get one thing straight.. I hate opening up like this. I hate having pity parties, I hate feeling like a victim who has lost. This all sucks to me but I feel like i'm fighting an uphill battle with weight i can no longer carry. I contemplated suicide.. I thought of the idea that maybe theres an afterlife somewhere.. maybe if theres a god it will see how i struggled, forgive me for what i've done & just let my soul & my unborn baby's soul rest at peace somewhere away from all of this. I dont want to leave my son like that though. He loves me so much, he thinks the world of me.. he sees through my parents B.S...he loves me unconditionally, is very smart & a well behaved child.. I can't just leave him like that.
I've made one hell of a trap for myself. I need strength. If I could just have more strength and less nightmares, I could take this on a lot better.
Then i feel guilty for even asking.. a bunch of people just died in a plane crash out in the middle of an ocean where nobody could find them & i'm whining because i'm a hormonal, insecure, jobless single mom with mommy & daddy issues.
My head hurts.




If you haven't started taking a folate supplement do it now. If possible find a naturopath who will help you with specific things. Check your thyroid if possible.
Check your folate levels. And start eating some fish when you can, not the sort that is full of mercury, but other things (you'd have to read a little).

Don't get any shots while you are pregnant or stressed out. In my opinion. They did that to me at the midwives' and my son stopped moving for a week.
He had been so lively and healthy up until that point, beginning of 3rd trimester. Can you believe that?? I even told them I was depressed and all they did that day was talk me into accepting a flu shot... then my son ends up autistic. Don't let them corner you on vaccines after labor either. Do your research and write your birth plan.

Have you started your birth plan -- pain control or not, natural birth or not, water birth vs. hospital, doula vs. doctor, etc.?
For the health of the baby, I recommend waiting as long as possible if you choose to get an epidural, and don't let the staff talk you into falling asleep or "waiting for more dilation" and all that crap. You might as well start pushing without their permission if it doesn't hurt.

And about smoking cigarettes. Don't.
It would be better by far to smoke marijuana. A PhD went to Jamaica years and years back to study African women who smoked cannabis during pregnancy.
She noticed that almost all the babies were born in superb health, and a bit early each time.

A couple weeks earlier is important because the placenta starts to degrade in the last couple weeks of pregnancy in depressed women!
Gasp! So that puts your child at further risk.

Smoking nicotine can cause breakdown of capillaries. YOu know!
And cannabis supposedly opens up the blood vessels, but make sure you drink water a lot and don't ever get dehydrated.

And it sounds very much to me as if you need to get a blood sugar check -- or a glucose test.
You could be suffering from blood sugar fluctuations as a result of the thyroid being wrong.
And low thyroid hormone can cause your kid to be slower IQ........

I would recommend going to DSHS (health and human services/state/county/cps etc) and explaining the situation with the parents.
It's unimaginable what your dad did to you -- mine was somewhat similar but not that brutal -- and your mom sounds extremely neglectful.

Stop feeling indebted to her.
And you can ask that other bitch point blank if she's ****ing your BF.
You can scratch her damn eyes out too if you catch them at it.
It's fairly effective as a deterrent.

I would move in regardless of how small the place is if you think **** is happening behind your back.
It's his fault that he doesn't take the time to fill out the application.

You don't have to accept the stupidity and inaction.

You can ask the health and human services to help find you an apartment as your parents and boyfriend are abusing you.
They do extra **** for pregnant women and families with kids.

I wouldn't expose the young kid to that any longer, it's his formative years and all the things your dad says go straight into the subconscious.
he will turn out hating the world just like all the other little rebels who suck.

I am really sorry about your BF. the very worst scum take advantage of a pregnant GF.
what a S-head.

Don't kill yourself either -- it has a very negative impact on you and the baby, and the local community.
Why not just expose your parents to the state CPS and move out? then they can deal with their past and you can have a future.

imo. you should mention the KKK stuff to them especially and the stomach punch. that's just wrong, even the abusive assholes in my family didn't stoop to punching gut.
at least on my dad's side.

Do some exercise like swimming in natural water (not chlorine piss water)
it's getting warmer and you're lucky as long as there is air conditioning.

try walking to the local library or beach.
get a bus pass. etc.

get a better job ffs you could be making more on Ebay than you are making now.

have you tried selling any art online?
always check out goodwill etc for craft stuff, there are beads patterns old jewelry hairpieces feathers etc etc etc etc......
and remember the tag sales and manager ****. @@

also if you're artsy consider learning how to make fishing lures (spoons and flies) and sell those on Ebay.
promote them as used by local fisherman with great success etc lol

in seattle i saw a woman selling paintings at the public mkt for 20 bucks each,
not sure how often it worked but she was trying, and she was missing her left hand... from a car accident...

you should consider getting some legal advice about what your rights are and a good course of action.

try to steer away from antidepressants in favor of diet and thyroid management, exercise.

don't get shots and don't eat or use things that hurt the liver or your baby.

be careful of deli meat.

get away from those parents ASAP get a social worker from your county or town or talk to someone similar who is familiar with domestic violence situations.

you can get a place to live if you describe the situation the right way...

[transitionalman]

Hi Molly. I'm saddened to hear what you're going through. You sound like a really strong girl. Try to keep your head up. I used to be severely depressed a few years ago. I wouldn't even leave the house. I briefly tried therapy and eventually antidepressants(Lexapro), which I stopped cold turkey. I am significantly better now;although, I still have social anxiety.
There has already been a lot of good advice given here, so I'll keep mine short. If you can get your hands on distilled water, I would suggest you specifically drink that. It works wonders on my mood, and it tastes great! Just sip on it throughout the day. Eventually, try to work your way up to one gallon per day(maybe wait till after the pregnancy?).

I know it's hard but don't give up! Keep us posted.
P.S.- You look pretty in your profile picture.

[Ellisa]

Brilliant advice Tesla, and very practical too.

[Flash]

check these sites for help

http://www.goodcounselhomes.org/?gclid=CNu067qB2L0CFYMcOgod5DAAQw
http://www.needhelppayingbills.com/html/north_carolina_transitional_ho.html
http://roominn.org/programs/index.asp
http://www.stateassistanceforsinglemothers.com/help-for-single-mothers-in-north-carolina-nc/
http://www.info.com/Assistance%20for%20Single%20Pregnant%20Women?cb=22&cmp=319676&q_x[aylf]

[Lifebringer]

I apologize for dumping this all out here. It may be too much to read, will probably offend some people, things like that.
I just can not hold these things in any longer. I'm overwhelmed with stress, guilt, sadness. I've been having nightmares every night for 2 weeks now. I honestly did not think I could get pregnant again. I was told by a doctor that I had a significant amount of scar tissue damage due to an IUD I had in for about 5 years. I was in a relationship with a man for 2 years, he wanted to have a child, we tried for a year, nothing would happen. He had gotten an ex pregnant but she aborted it, so we figured it was the issue at my end. Maybe she lied to him or was pregnant by someone else. I guess no one will ever know. He ended up dumping me because my inability to create a child with him made me unattractive to him. It hurt but I accepted it & moved on. I have no ill feelings towards him anymore & wish him the best, hope he gets what he wants some day.

So I met a new man in September of 2013, got pregnant sometime in December. Right now I have over $6,000 in medical bills for 2 visits to the emergency room and 2 visits to an OB/GYN for prenatal care. I was having severe cramping & a little bleeding, so my doctor told me to go to the E.R...got every test under the sun ran on me, was told I & the baby are fine. Then I woke up one day feeling extremely ill, like I had the flu, was so dizzy I couldn't walk. Again, doctor said to go to the E.R...so I did. Once again, they said I was fine & that some women actually can feel like crap the first trimester.. which I knew that but wow, I didn't know It'd feel THAT BAD.
So yeah.. over 6 grand in medical bills. I got a letter from DSS saying my application for medicaid was approved but I am still getting these bills. I only have a part time job. I am trying to make more money by applying at as many places that I can for a second job & also by selling jewelry & art i've made. I'm lucky if I make $300 total a month from my part time job AS WELL as my jewelry & art. I've tried selling music i've made but only made about $20 off it in a year, most ends up on file sharing programs & it sort of hurts me to see that.. people just see it as more music out there to take.. they don't know what is behind it. they dont know i've made it because i suffer..because it is one of the only things i can do half way decent thanks to how screwed up in the head i can be some times, it's an escape from my mind, its not to look cool or get famous. i usually make it at night when i can't sleep due to be woke up from a nightmare about things from my childhood. i justify it with.. maybe these people are like me & have hardly no money to spend.. maybe they CAN sense something in it & thats why they took it.. not to be thieves but to just be able to listen & understand. I don't know. I'm so nuts that i have to self-manipulate & brainwash myself into happier scenarios like that at times because the 'other truth' is just too much to take in.
The relationship with the man seems to be adding more stress on me than I need. I love him dearly but he is a lot to deal with at times (not abusive or anything but he has severe O.C.D. & anxiety & it hurts to watch him suffer & not be able to do anything about it). I'm of course hormonal as hell right now & will openly admit that I sometimes get pings of jealousy whenever he is hanging out with his ex girlfriend, who lives next door to him. It seems like as soon as I'm gone, he's with her.. & they have so much in common, she helps him feel better in ways I can't, so.. What's most screwed up about it is that I *do want* him to be happy, I think I *do trust* him with her, I've met & hung out with her, she's an awesome beautiful girl & I like her, but deep down it just makes me sad some times when they're together having fun. She lives on her own, has a steady job. I'm still stuck at my parents. I'm fully aware & see it right in front of my face that chances are 99.9% i have NOTHING to worry about between the 2 of them & that i am simply projecting my own ears, my own lack of self-worth & self esteem. I SEE IT! GREAT! BUT HOW DO I STOP THE CRAP?!
My mother is an ex-drug addict who used to be a dominatrix & my father is a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I try to not judge them & I appreciate what they have done for me but I can not just ignore how negative they are at times. My mom constantly talks about how all men are pigs & can't be trusted.. my father constantly talks about politics & his hatred towards certain people not just around me but also my kid.
I can't ignore how when I was only about 5 or 6 years old I went into their room to ask if I could have something to eat & instead of an answer, my father punched me so hard in the stomach I couldn't breathe..while mom just sat there on her ass doing nothing. They hit me a good bit when I was little, mom would say things like 'maybe we'd show you more attention if you did more chores like your brother.'. things like that. They feel guilty about it though, trust me.. they know they messed up with me. They buy my 11 year old son everything under the sun. That kid seriously has more toys, video game systems & video games than he knows what to do with...yet..
The house they live in is disgusting.. my mother is a hoarder.. there's dirt everywhere.. old food & drink stuck to floors.. black mold all over the bathroom walls. I'm the only one who cleans around here. My mom helps out once in a blue moon but for the most part whenver she feels like doing anything she uses the energy to leave us & go to the beach or spend my dads money on more crap she doesn't need.
I feel just completely, totally overwhelmed lately. I feel like theres no way out. I even contemplated getting an abortion a couple months ago but couldnt bring myself to do it. I feel like all of my past failures & mistakes have turned into a giant tornado & are swallowing me up & I can't get out. My boyfriend wants us to live together..he has his own place but its not big enough so we go to look for a bigger place but can't talk to any of the management to even apply because he doesn't get out of work until theyre closed. It just feels like all odds are against me. I had quit smoking but then started again. I feel horrible about that. I worry about the baby & feel very selfish & ashamed of myself for smoking but the stress is driving up the damn wall.
Let me get one thing straight.. I hate opening up like this. I hate having pity parties, I hate feeling like a victim who has lost. This all sucks to me but I feel like i'm fighting an uphill battle with weight i can no longer carry. I contemplated suicide.. I thought of the idea that maybe theres an afterlife somewhere.. maybe if theres a god it will see how i struggled, forgive me for what i've done & just let my soul & my unborn baby's soul rest at peace somewhere away from all of this. I dont want to leave my son like that though. He loves me so much, he thinks the world of me.. he sees through my parents B.S...he loves me unconditionally, is very smart & a well behaved child.. I can't just leave him like that.
I've made one hell of a trap for myself. I need strength. If I could just have more strength and less nightmares, I could take this on a lot better.
Then i feel guilty for even asking.. a bunch of people just died in a plane crash out in the middle of an ocean where nobody could find them & i'm whining because i'm a hormonal, insecure, jobless single mom with mommy & daddy issues.
My head hurts.

Well, first of all stop going to the ER and get some saltine crackers for the nausea. Next see if you can get into a health department obgyn so the price is made according to your income and most times free. This will ensure you and the child are safe throughout the next 6 months of development. Next start downsizing on non essentials because the stress is all the stuff needed to provide for a life. This is the choice I assume you made, am I correct? Well you must use the Medicaid numbers "on all the bills they are stressing you out with. Call your Medicaid worker, tell her you are sending copies to have them erase or "{take care of the prenatal bills.)" This is just what single moms go through when the dad takes a walk about, they just don't realize a real parent is always concerned and you should have support. Most of the health department pre-prenatals are nice people and tend to the stress of the mother as that could cause irreparable harm to the fetus while carrying.
Nervous children and such. Everything you're going is going through the child, so you must concentrate on easing the stress for the child's healthy mind and body. Chemicals of destruction can be initiated if the body refuses to accept the problems that come with the pregnancy when alone. It will come at a time when you will change your mind so start changing it for the positive, visualize where you want to be with this child in 5 years and work on it as a goal. Pray for the health. The saltines should be kept on you and although they say drink orange juice to help absorb vitamins in the food, it can at times make you nauseated so crackers in the morning before your feet hit the floor, then crackers at break time and crackers before bed maybe less salt before bed because the body is at rest and you don't want a habit of salt for high blood pressure. It's a balancing act, but we women are excellent line walkers once we get the feel of the line. Possible girl they make you vomit a lot.

MOVE with your baby's father, and he and his ex will help you during this time. It's better than the boat of neglect and insecurity you feel where you are now. PS HOW OLD ARE YOU? You said you had a son, and you had scar tissue in the early or late 30's perhaps? Either way you are fully aware of what is making you stressed and unhappy and you are the only one your "son" can rely on to guide him out of the same situation or he'll end up the same way. But somehow the grandparents mature and forgive all their own bs, that has caused a lot of your insecurities and won't push that on the grand, but all things considered, you can't move forward with this baby father and your son, living in that home without positive emotional vision or guidance. It's parental protection and environmental needs that you must do in order to relieve some of the stress on you as well as a more positive home for your son who sees you going through this. Just tell them, it's time for you to think ahead about marriage and family and all that. They like that story, and it's possible you're standing in your own way because you can't think straight from all the stress. I've been married 3 times, had 6 live births. These chemicals are raging during pregnancy and you've got to get away and use "yoga" to help you and the baby breathe and distress and come healthy in such a f'd up world, until he or she is old enough to start bringing light in the world. The trouble your having may be a sign that you've got another lovely light child coming and the negative is trying to destroy it. Think survival and get the hell out, you need help, accept the help from the baby's father and the ex, but don't tell every feeling because you never maybe the other girl couldn't have children like yourself, and may use the opportunity to get your's. Walls up, protection light on, and stay aware, and stay on your game at all times as this child is dependinging on you and will also love you unconditionally.:baby:

PS to Tesla, excellent advice on "vacs". When I bought my children in for shots they were well into their 7 or 8 month of development and then I told them I wanted to wait until all the developmental skills are finished before starting the "school shots." The child was in my care and not exposed to other children besides siblings who had their shot and were told to stay away from the child's bed unless they washed their hands first to touch. You can request that, because you were stressed and it would ease your mind if the shots were started after a year old. That gives the child a chance to build immunities from your body that are in it. I know you feel a little :scared: because you don't see the big picture yet, but you'll be alright as soon as you get started on the path to peace of mind for the next duration of your pregnancy. Tell them/parents you're starting pregnancy classes in town so you can get your own place after the baby is born and it's easier for you to get there while pregnant. You actually could seek support from a single mom's group also that are like you going through various ages of the same thing for support and unconditional love/positive environment as well as skills learned. This is the perfect time for you to go to school and since the baby's birth takes only days to settle in, can have homework done from home and drop it off to the teacher. The internet is also helpful with education from home during this time. Look it up and start the planning for where you want to be in 5 years, headed to a brighter future for the children. You can do it, I know you can!:cool:
I showed the sibling sister or brother that all day long the hands touch something that has germs on it from others, so they must be clean. Believe it or not, just last week my daughter text me a thank you for demanding the baths were done after everyday before bed. They did labs on what's on the sheets and boy or boy or boy is there some yucky stuff. The children learned is all I'm saying about being preventative.:wizard:

[Lifebringer]

Sorry Molly, as much as you love your cats, the licking on the face is a definite NO, NO, during pregnancy. Please just pet them in thanks and discourage them from coming within breathing space, as the child is breathing them also, and you need to look up what their chemicals in you and your child can do. I have two adorables myself, but always learned no pets within breathing space, expecially if they go outside. Parasites abound on the little critters and they scratch to bury their poo, and you know they don't wash their feet.

Please look this up and take precaution because the cramping can be from this also. It's love, but it's a very dangerous loving gesture if you don't know. Take precautions on this immediately. I am lab tech and baby it's not pretty. They pull flea nits out their fur, and their larvae...see what I mean. I love my Dynka and General Leona, but if theirs an infant about, I keep them away until their full immunity is finished. 1 year. Petting requires constant hand washing. PS, I hope there's not other pets where you are, first do you and the child will come naturally. It's time you do you, and there are women's shelters at the YWCA if you feel you need to have help paying rents as you raise the child. You may have to go on a list of the state, depending on the line it's usually 3-6 months for substidized housing wait, 2-4 years section 8. Either way you can apply and before the child enter's school have help on paying rent if the baby's father is just a financial support buddy, and not the stay at home stable in love with you partner. You're right sweetheart, you're never alone. WE got ya!

[araucaria]

Sorry Molly, as much as you love your cats, the licking on the face is a definite NO, NO, during pregnancy. Please just pet them in thanks and discourage them from coming within breathing space, as the child is breathing them also, and you need to look up what their chemicals in you and your child can do. I have two adorables myself, but always learned no pets within breathing space, expecially if they go outside. Parasites abound on the little critters and they scratch to bury their poo, and you know they don't wash their feet.

Please look this up and take precaution because the cramping can be from this also. It's love, but it's a very dangerous loving gesture if you don't know. Take precautions on this immediately. I am lab tech and baby it's not pretty. They pull flea nits out their fur, and their larvae...see what I mean. I love my Dynka and General Leona, but if theirs an infant about, I keep them away until their full immunity is finished. 1 year. Petting requires constant hand washing. PS, I hope there's not other pets where you are, first do you and the child will come naturally. It's time you do you, and there are women's shelters at the YWCA if you feel you need to have help paying rents as you raise the child. You may have to go on a list of the state, depending on the line it's usually 3-6 months for substidized housing wait, 2-4 years section 8. Either way you can apply and before the child enter's school have help on paying rent if the baby's father is just a financial support buddy, and not the stay at home stable in love with you partner. You're right sweetheart, you're never alone. WE got ya!
The specific risk with cats is toxoplasmosis. See the 'pregnancy precautions' paragtraph below
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toxoplasmosis
All best wishes to you Molly

[Snowflower]

Molly, your deep, inner strength shines through in your writing. You have survived some pretty serious crap and it will help you to recognize your own strength and honor yourself for what you have survived.

Tesla is dead-on right about the thrice-damned vaccines. NO shots for you OR your baby!!!

I already know you love your son too much to either throw him into the foster home system or at the mercy of your folks, so the whole suicide depression thing isn't going to happen.

You are the kind of person I have always wanted to help by opening up my land and inviting you here. All I have to offer is an army arctic tent with a wood stove. Seriously hard physical life with firewood gathering and bitter cold mornings in winter before the fire is started, but warm and cozy with a fire, and the stress of surviving "out there" seems to me like a much worse kind of stress.

All my love flows your way.

[Ahnung-quay]

Some further thoughts this morning Molly:

It sounds as if there may be some negative spiritual entities attaching themselves to your parents and/or their home and attacking you at night. What can you do while still living there?

1. Keep your personal space and that of your son as clean and tidy as possible.

2. Smudge the space. Native Americans use sage, cedar, sweetgrass, bear root (lovage root), tobacco and any combination thereof. Some of these plants can be harvested locally depending upon where you live. If you don't have access to any of those or can't afford to buy them, you can use incense made with natural oils. Smudge as often as you feel it needs it, maybe daily.

3. Set up crystals around your space. You can program them for protection. If you can't afford crystals and don't live in an area where you can collect them, use stones that you can pick up outside. Go out and pick up ones that you notice and feel drawn to. Ask them if they would be willing to help you. Listen with your heart and they will speak to you; just open up to it. You and your son can also carry a small protective stone in your pockets. The stone people are there for us.

4. Meditate and envision your root chakra going deep into Mother Earth and your crown chakra extending up to Father Sun. Connect with Creator's energy coming from the Central Sun. Envision your self and your son surrounded by a green and golden cocoon of light and protection. You can do this meditation right before sleep and at any other time during the day. Even five-to-ten minutes is good. Do it sitting up or you might fall asleep. This will strengthen your unborn baby's sense of well-being.

5. Go out into nature as often as possible. With the weather warming up, take your shoes off for ten-to-twenty minutes/day in order to further connect your body to Mother Earth's electron energy. Women, especially pregnant women benefit from this. We are naturally connected to Mother Earth.

6. Talk to your unborn baby. Tell it everyday how much you love him/her. Let the baby know that you feel blessed to have been chosen to act as a vessel for it to come into this life. This will also strengthen both of your immunities.

7. In addition to dietary and health advice offered on this thread so far, try to eliminate sugar and processed foods out of your diet as much as possible. Eat a good amount of protein daily. Also, a good prenatal vitamin for extra iron, calcium, vitamin D and folate. And, if you do have a thyroid problem, try to find a Naturopathic Doctor or Osteopath who prescribes bio-identical hormones rather than Synthroid (levothyroxine) which is a synthetic replacement. Bio-identicals are made from pig hormones and they mimic human hormones closely. And, yes don't let yourself get dehydrated. Pregnant women need extra fluid. Adding a slice of lemon to your water will also give you some extra vitamin C.

These suggestions are offered to you in love and light. Aho!

[PurpleLama]

Sorry Molly, as much as you love your cats, the licking on the face is a definite NO, NO, during pregnancy. Please just pet them in thanks and discourage them from coming within breathing space, as the child is breathing them also, and you need to look up what their chemicals in you and your child can do. I have two adorables myself, but always learned no pets within breathing space, expecially if they go outside. Parasites abound on the little critters and they scratch to bury their poo, and you know they don't wash their feet.

Please look this up and take precaution because the cramping can be from this also. It's love, but it's a very dangerous loving gesture if you don't know. Take precautions on this immediately. I am lab tech and baby it's not pretty. They pull flea nits out their fur, and their larvae...see what I mean. I love my Dynka and General Leona, but if theirs an infant about, I keep them away until their full immunity is finished. 1 year. Petting requires constant hand washing. PS, I hope there's not other pets where you are, first do you and the child will come naturally. It's time you do you, and there are women's shelters at the YWCA if you feel you need to have help paying rents as you raise the child. You may have to go on a list of the state, depending on the line it's usually 3-6 months for substidized housing wait, 2-4 years section 8. Either way you can apply and before the child enter's school have help on paying rent if the baby's father is just a financial support buddy, and not the stay at home stable in love with you partner. You're right sweetheart, you're never alone. WE got ya!
The specific risk with cats is toxoplasmosis. See the 'pregnancy precautions' paragtraph below
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toxoplasmosis
All best wishes to you Molly

Most people have had cat scratch fever at some point in childhood, and if you have had it before there is not risk of infection. Don't handle the feces, get somebody else to scoop the box if you can, just for good measure, otherwise cats are not much of a risk. Some people know that I have an army of cats at my disposal, and two very healthy boys, and we all cohabitate quite nicely. As for fleas, Revolution is the flea medicine I swear by, but again, application would be done by someone else, and the cats couldn't be petted for a few hours until the medicine dries. A strong belief in healthy immunity goes further that all precautionary measures that can be taken, except where chemicals are concerned. If it can be stomached, Apple Cider Vinegar with mother can't be beat as a supplement, and also High Vitamin Butter Oil/Fermented Cod Liver Oil (http://www.greenpasture.org/public/Products/ButterCodLiverBlend/index.cfm), the most palatable form is the Cinnamon Tingle Gel, and if the ACV is too much on its own, mix it with oil and honey for a great salad dressing. Lotsa leafy greens in the diet will allay some of the crappy feeling-ness.

[Flash]

DO NOT CLEAN THE LITTER OF THE CAT YOURSELF, EVER, DURING PREGNANCY AND EARLY CHILD LIFE. EVER EVER, DO NOT CLEAN THE LITTER.

Why, because there is a parasite in cat's feces acquired in a dirty house (like your mom's) or when they go outside that may cripple very badly your unborn child brain if you catch it. This would mean lifelong problems with your child, on the mental defiency side. And do take vitamin B, mostly if feeling as you do, you may lack vitamins and the child too.

And please, get help for you and your two children. If the helping agencies are good enough they may force your boyfriend to help you as well (i do not know laws in US, but it could be a possibility). If this guy is not helping, he does not worth much in my opinion. And he is obviously not at the present time.

Demand (not ask) demand for help everywhere, social agencies, boyfriend, boyfriend ex, and if possible, move out.

You see, I have a view that not only me, but the whole society is responsible for children in this world, therefore I can ask and demand for exactly what I need, relentlessly. This does not takes away my own responsibility of supplying for my child, on the contrary it adds to it, I also have the responsibility of getting the adequate help.

Thank you for asking us, it shows that you have moral stamina and know your responsibilities, despite the bad situation you find yourself in.




Sorry Molly, as much as you love your cats, the licking on the face is a definite NO, NO, during pregnancy. Please just pet them in thanks and discourage them from coming within breathing space, as the child is breathing them also, and you need to look up what their chemicals in you and your child can do. I have two adorables myself, but always learned no pets within breathing space, expecially if they go outside. Parasites abound on the little critters and they scratch to bury their poo, and you know they don't wash their feet.

Please look this up and take precaution because the cramping can be from this also. It's love, but it's a very dangerous loving gesture if you don't know. Take precautions on this immediately. I am lab tech and baby it's not pretty. They pull flea nits out their fur, and their larvae...see what I mean. I love my Dynka and General Leona, but if theirs an infant about, I keep them away until their full immunity is finished. 1 year. Petting requires constant hand washing. PS, I hope there's not other pets where you are, first do you and the child will come naturally. It's time you do you, and there are women's shelters at the YWCA if you feel you need to have help paying rents as you raise the child. You may have to go on a list of the state, depending on the line it's usually 3-6 months for substidized housing wait, 2-4 years section 8. Either way you can apply and before the child enter's school have help on paying rent if the baby's father is just a financial support buddy, and not the stay at home stable in love with you partner. You're right sweetheart, you're never alone. WE got ya!

[blufire]

Molly I have 2 biological girls in their late 20’s and also raised 2 other girls who are also in their late 20’s, so I am speaking to you as a mother and as an older woman.

I would suggest that a good place for you to start is with the thread you started over 2 years ago.

http://projectavalon.net/forum4/showthread.php?40711-I-Need-Advice-Concerning-Love-Relationship-Issues-Please

You received a lot of really good advice and suggestions in that thread. Have you been able to take any of those to heart?

Look back over these past two years and be very frank and honest with yourself on what you could have and should have done differently.

With this thread I am not sure if you are asking for help or are crying out in pain, fear and uncertainty of your future and that of your 11 year son and your unborn baby.

I feel right now you are needing comfort and support which you have already received in this thread and your other thread.

At some point . . . when you can . . . and sooner than later . . . . I strongly suggest you form a game plane and goals for you and your children.

I feel you should stay with your parents. Your son (seems) happy there and he is familiar with this setting. You at least have a home and are safe and are far better than going to a shelter or other unknown.

Instead of focusing on the negatives with your parents focus on the positives . . . even if you can only find a couple. A huge positive I see in your parents is they have taken you and your son back in their/your home and are providing you with food and shelter and other comforts of a home (utilities, computer, other) You stated they give your son (their grandson) lots of toys and dote on him. Don’t take this away from him at this point.

Do they know you are pregnant?

Do not move in with your boyfriend/father of your baby. Do not move in with any man. Do not become involved with any more men until you get yourself put together and this will take years. If at the point you meet another man and you have got your life put in place then this relationship will be much healthier because this is what you will exude and this is what the relationship will be built on.

Do not use your ‘womanly wiles’ to manipulate or coerce a man into taking care of you and your children.

Do not strong arm and force the father of your unborn child to take care of you or the child. Do not involve the legal system to make him pay child support. If he is a man worthy of you and your child he will step up to the plate and do it on his own. If he doesn’t . . . have him sign his parental rights away or just disappear from his life. If he is a ‘no account’ and will not do the honorable thing then you should not have him in your life or in that of your children. At that point he is sperm donor and nothing else and deserves to be treated as such.

I strongly suggest and I mean strongly that you not involve social services or the police or turn your parents in for what you feel has been neglect or abuse. Use the resources available like medicare, wic, food stamps etc. but do not become reliant upon them . . . this is where the game plan and goals will come in.

Concentrate now on getting well and cleaning up your home. Clean and organize for yourself and your children because this is now your home and your children’s. I bet if your parents saw you actively making the house a home they would be greatly encouraged and become different toward you. Think of how they must feel . . . . Put yourself in their place and see the situation from their point of view.

Most of all Molly you need to find a way to break this cycle you are in . . . . break this way of living and being not only for yourself but most of all for your son and your unborn child.

I sense you are very strong . . . your strength is just a bit overwhelmed right now. Take ownership of your life . . . for both you and your babies.

Women are the keepers of the family. Remember this and BE this.

[Molly]

Thank you again, everybody, for the advice.
Tesla I agree, if marijuana were legal here I would definitely either be vaping or eating it in brownies. I never did use much of it before pregnant (maybe a gram a month at most around PMS time) but it was always such a great stress & anxiety reliever. It needs to just hurry up & be legal worldwide.
The health clinic here DID try to coerce me into getting a flu shot but I never got it. I've seen two people in my family actually GET THE FLU right after it. The doctors told me their selves that fevers are very bad for an unborn, so I dont want to risk it.
My boyfriend actually works at one of the worlds biggest vaccine manufacturers, we don't entirely agree on vaccines. There's an old cemetery around here called God's Acre that is really pretty & I like to walk around there some times..the section where families & children had died & were buried are kin of sad.. all these little tombstones so old with the names washed out & little lamb statues on top, you know? They didn't have what we do back then & probably could've been saved by certain vaccines.. buuuut I've also met so many families lately who have kids with autism that is possibly linked to vaccines &/or supposedly 'safe' prescribed drugs during pregnancy like Ambien & anti-depressants.
I've not even heard of folate before. I've been taking folic acid nearly everyday for over a year now because it is said to help with the heart, which, mine jumps around & scares me once in a blue moon thanks to stress & smoking half my life.
As for nausea, its nowhere near as bad now as it was. I do have a juicer & I like to make myself a juice of apples, carrots, & a big chunk of ginger root. When my blood was taken recently they said other than being a little low on iron, I'm really healthy & have nothing to worry about.
I do drink distilled water when at my boyfriend's, here at my parent's house we have a well that is fed from a natural underground spring, dad checks the water every 6 months or so to make sure there's nothing bad in it like fluoride, lead, mercury, etc. (he's actually really smart about that sort of stuff, & even as a kid would not allow my brother & I to partake in 'Swish day' at school where the kids have to swish fluoride in their mouths..yes, they did this in Stokes County public schools when I was there as a kid in the 80's, they also took us to a bank one day as a 'field trip' to show us the vaults then 'for fun' had us all scan our hands in a printer then kept the copies for their selves.. no ****!).
Ugh..this whole thing is so conflicting. I think it's not just my hormones but my survival instincts going bonkers as well. I never felt physically ill AT ALL when pregnant with my son, but I do remember feeling paranoid at times & like I might not be able to trust many people, which really confused me since I generally was an open & trusting person before I got pregnant with him.
So it's like...I want to stay here with my parents where my son likes it, has everything he needs, his own room, etc.. I know my parents are truly sorry for how they acted, & I do forgive them but you can't just forget things, you know. Dad needs to get a grip on his racism & politic rants though. My son even told him straight up recently 'Pappaw, I think since you're getting old now, you're going crazy.' (I tried so hard to not burst out into laughter, I failed lol). Mom needs to help me out more & to not constantly gripe about money when she is always spending it on things she doesn't need. She needs to stop lying. My whole family tried to get counselling one day & she sat there bold face lying to the therapist saying I was violent with her & would shove & hit her in the kitchen. I went home & cried, told her after all these years I'd figure she'd wise up some, asked her why she never has admitted to her & dad hitting me then she says 'Nobody ever hit you.' Needless to say we never went back again.
I remember once when I was about 12 years old I was with a group of girls who were talking about sex.. the whole thing shocked me. When I went home I asked my mom how old was she when she lost her virginity (I felt like something was wrong with me maybe because I had no desire to sleep with anyone like other girls wanted to), her answer was that her grandfather raped her from the age of 3 until 12, she never told anyone because he threatened to do it to her sisters. I don't know if it's true or not of course & the more time goes by & the more she lies about things to get her way I sometimes contemplate if she was just using a scare tactic on me or something.. but on the other hand I think about, if it did happen, then that would explain why she is so screwed up some times...then I get mad because its not fair & I wish I could take a time machine back to when it happened & gash that mans throat open & set him on fire before he could've done it.
I do love my parents, my boyfriend, my son & my unborn baby. I need to love myself more.
I do an occasional cleansing around here using a mix of herbs that is sage, eyebright, & i think lobelia (may have spelled it wrong). My room is full of various crystals. On rare occasions when mom & I are getting along, we go gem mining in the rivers here & find all kinds of neat things. I burn nothing but white candles, meditate occasionally, also now that its warmer out I started planting vegetables & beans. Gardening is therapeutic to me. The house is almost 100 years old & needs a lot of work. Mom & I have both seen & heard what I'm guessing is ghosts, not sure. We both have seen a man wearing blue jeans & red & black flannel shirt (typical farmer clothes around here), thinking it was my dad then it turned out dad wasn't even at home (happened one time to both of us). We've both heard a little girl call out 'Mommy!' in a happy, excited voice. We don't get any bad feelings from them, never have (that happened twice for me, once for her, & we both knew right away it wasn't my son's voice). The only time I've ran into something strange & scary here was when I was walking to my room one night I went straight into a shadow thinking it was mine, then realized it wasn't, it was way taller than me, towering over me, not moving. Soon as I got shocked & gasped it just disintegrated. Other than that I think the energy as far as that goes is pretty safe here & if anything it's just mine & my family's wacky heads that are haunted lol.
I will have to read up on the fish. I do eat a lot of sushi. Only from one place that I know has good, fresh fish & I won't get food poisoning from it. I love tuna but for some reason only one brand because all the others make me nauseous. I'm about to eat some white fish & a salad here in a minute.
Most of what I sell IS online.. I have my own website & an Etsy. I've considered the eBay route as well. Fishing lures is actually a darn good idea. I have so many types of feathers, also hooks because I fish in the spring & summer a good bit. I was making feather earrings but I think that fad has went out, hardly anyone buys them anymore even though mine look as good as the $80 ones out there, with sterling silver parts & everything yet I sell them no more than $40 a pair. So yeah, I may try the fishing lure idea as well. People are always going to want to fish! Thanks for that idea, Tesla :)
I'm going to keep faith & trust in my boyfriend but I'm not going to wear myself out worrying over him & his ex.. if something happens then it does, if not, then good. I can't control it & last thing I want to do is potentially ruin something beautiful with somebody who really may love me all because I couldn't trust them. It'd be nice if he were more sensitive to how I feel sometimes, though. I do not yell at him, accuse him or anything. I'm always really nice to his ex, I like to take her dog out for walks while she's at work, he's a sweet doggy. My boyfriend has 3 children, actually. He used to be very Christian-like.. was married for 10 years at a young age, had his first son with her when he was only 23. He is a really good father to them & pays all the child support as well as buys their school clothes, school supplies, things like that. I do not at all fear he won't be in the baby's life or help out. I just sometimes feel like maybe one day his ex & him are going to be a 'thing' again..the way they're always together, he is so happy around her, they seem to have a lot more in common than he & I do. They seem perfect for each other. She buys him neat stuff a lot whereas I'm usually too broke. He criticizes me a lot, especially when the kids are with him.. I will cook for him, me, his 3 kids & my son..six..freakin..people.. do everyone's laundry, make beds, things like that & I do it happily because I love them all, I expect nothing in return.. but next thing I know he's upset with me because I had to take a nap, or because I didn't realize he was talking & I said something while he was talking. He gets really frustrated & I feel like I'm walking on eggshells around him, especially when the kids are around because his anxiety kicks in worse when they're there. He has contamination OCD & is always freaking out thinking he may accidentally get his kids sick because of where he works, he has to handle very dangerous things. I try real hard to be understanding of it all & just stay calm for his sake because the last thing he needs is someone being mean to him for being too careful..
It just seems like i'm not doing what he needs, whereas the ex can. He admits she dumped him because he was very possessive over her, accused her of cheating a lot, things like that. I think she wanted to be married but he didn't. Things like that.
That was a lot to type. Just wanted to be more clear on some things. Also wanted to give thanks to you all for reading & for your advice.

[AutumnW]

Wow Molly, So sorry to read about all of your hardships. Reading through all of your difficulties, I get the sense that something that might really help you is an older woman who has her Sh** together, in your area, who could take you under her wing.

Although, I am not the biggest fan of organized religion, I wonder if there is a local church near where you live, or some other organization, where you might meet a motherly type.

Talk to your guides OUT LOUD for help. IMHO, they are there and willing. When I talk to my guides, I invoke Christ and Buddah just to make sure I'm not talking to some lounge lizard from the astral plane. You can't be too careful on that score!

[Fairy Friend]

For me it turned out I was severely lactose intolerant. And I did not find this out until a year after I gave birth and I was still so very ill. Lots of sage advice here but I know life doesn't always work out perfectly. Back in my day my husband did not believe that I wasn't supposed to clean the litter box and accused me of being lazy. Ancient history, I am a grandmother now. Start with personal health and you can work your way through the rest later. Get strong emotionally, strong physically, mentally clear first. Start easy stuff first like drinking good pure water.

[Molly]

I forgot to mention the cat parasite issue. I had wondered about that, read of it before & also how supposedly it can attach to people even worse if they have a negative blood type. They don't have a litter box, luckily.. the house is in the countryside, so they go outside in the wooded area. They are always drinking out of my cups of water lol. I definitely share water with my cats, which is probably not the best idea.
I'm not one to go to church, really. I'm not religious, just spiritual. There's one church not far from here that has free monthly singing bowl meditations that anyone can go to rather in the church or not. The actual pastor and church members usually aren't even there, they just let the people with the singing bowls come in to do their thing, which is cool.. Maybe the people who run that church have some counselling of sorts. I love the singing bowls, though. I can really feel them, they work for me, especially when listened to in real life & not just an MP3 running out of my computer (I think the computer actually drains energy from me somehow).

By the way, after I finally ate today, I got some REAL sleep & actually had some good, funny dreams. There were some dark areas but they would always end up comical. I believe anyone here who has empathized with me & sent me good wishes really has helped & I appreciate it a lot. It was great to sleep some without feeling tormented for once. It's bad enough that in 5 months I probably won't get much undisturbed sleep lol! But that will be for a very good cause :)

Thanks, everybody. Much Love!

[Sidney]

I forgot to mention the cat parasite issue. I had wondered about that, read of it before & also how supposedly it can attach to people even worse if they have a negative blood type. They don't have a litter box, luckily.. the house is in the countryside, so they go outside in the wooded area. They are always drinking out of my cups of water lol. I definitely share water with my cats, which is probably not the best idea.
I'm not one to go to church, really. I'm not religious, just spiritual. There's one church not far from here that has free monthly singing bowl meditations that anyone can go to rather in the church or not. The actual pastor and church members usually aren't even there, they just let the people with the singing bowls come in to do their thing, which is cool.. Maybe the people who run that church have some counselling of sorts. I love the singing bowls, though. I can really feel them, they work for me, especially when listened to in real life & not just an MP3 running out of my computer (I think the computer actually drains energy from me somehow).

By the way, after I finally ate today, I got some REAL sleep & actually had some good, funny dreams. There were some dark areas but they would always end up comical. I believe anyone here who has empathized with me & sent me good wishes really has helped & I appreciate it a lot. It was great to sleep some without feeling tormented for once. It's bad enough that in 5 months I probably won't get much undisturbed sleep lol! But that will be for a very good cause :)

Thanks, everybody. Much Love!

Hi Mollly, Hey, just so you won't worry too much about the cat thing, when I was pregnant, I was not aware of the cat bacteria thing, and we had I think 9 cats at the time, on acreage , but there were a couple indoor cats, and I always did the litter box, and they slept in my bed, licked my tears, drank from my glass etc., and I never got the cat box sickness, so maybe some people are more prone than others, but more than likely you maybe have already been exposed, therefore are immune. (that is one theory I read a while back). But from now forward be cautious,just not over stressed about it.

[chocolate]

Greetings Molly!
I have to go read your other thread, but the first thing that sprung to my mind while reading your initial words was that you seem to be in one strange relationship. I can only use the word strange, but if I could talk in person I would probably use different and more descriptive words. So here, my level of civility must be maintained.
I can't speak from a level of experience, having children or being married, I am probably younger that you are. But I can tell you that. Oftentimes people 'decide' to stay in relationships for the wrong reasons. And I can say pretty much the same when it comes to relationships with parents. I can related to a certain aspect of your experience with your parents, but I also can tell you that you are responsible first and foremost for your own self, and later on for your children. I hope you will see with time that being around your parents is not helping you, not to say that it can create more damage than good at times.

I first thought you may have some chemical incompatibility with the father of the child. But that is not all that important as of now. What you need to decide is is it worth being with the person, not just for your own happiness and sanity, but also for your children. Here probably people have said some of the same, I briefly skimmed over, so apology if that was covered already. My intuition strongly tells me you are just in the wrong relationship. And I know that sounds a bit hard, but if you are writing about this, it means you have already your own doubts in that particular direction.

I sometimes get a bit frustrated when people star putting labels as being 'strong' by undertaking a certain level of negativity, hardship, BS ( sorry but that word is the best ) and the like. I strongly disagree with the notion that 'we come here to suffer, and we need to be strong'. So, from that point of view I would just say that you need to be happy and be able to appreciate the beauty in life. That is a bit difficult when you are in a constant state of turmoil. I hope you will figure things out.

I am sending you some fluffy and airy dreams and colorful thoughts, and some extra extra care and respect for your self.
:)

My dad said once 'soul-mates, they exist, but they are also many, not just that one ( you think you are in a relationship with at present )'.
And my dad is wise, and with lots of experience in many difficult situations.

PS. I know you are not my biggest fan, but I did want to support you, and help you in a way.

[Fairy Friend]

Molly, I hope you are doing better. hopefully feeling stronger and more clear headed. My next advice would be to tackle what bothers you the most. When you are ready what bothers you the most can be addressed. Some of it will be easy, some of it will not. But its a starting point as well.

[Molly]

I guess I should update the post since its been a couple months now.
Not long after I had made this forum post, I did get 2 job interviews for part time work. I didn't get either job, but it at least made me optimistic enough to get up off my butt, make myself look presentable, and go be around strangers, partaking in human-to-human dialog...ya know, like 'normal' people do. I'm thankful they at least considered me.
The boyfriend and I still aren't living together. Matter of fact he spent the entire day yesterday with his ex then tried to dump me over the phone through text messages. Very manly of him. But he did go with me to my 22 week ultrasound last month. The baby is a boy :) I've not picked out a name. The doctor says he's the perfect size and approximate weight for how far along he is, checked out his heart, kidneys, bloodflow, etc.. and they say he's very healthy and normal looking so far.
I got all my sons old things out of the attic at my parents house.. crib, clothes, things like that. So I think we will be fine despite me being broke.
Thanks everybody <3