dpwishy
17th April 2014, 22:42
Hello Brothers and Sisters, I know I have been absent from posting for some time but I have been here all along. I had an amazing experience the last couple of weeks and I wanted to share it with you all. As whats a spiritual lesson if its not shared?
I was on my motorcycle last week leaving acupuncture, I was in a line of traffic and I walked my bike up a couple feet and pressed the front brake. I don't know how it happened but some how going 1mph, my left testicle slammed into the gas tank. The pain was overwhelming, I knew instantly something was not right. I have played sports and been hit in the nuts, this was a pain far beyond what I have ever experience. It took everything in me to drive my motorcycle the last 3 miles without passing out in pain. I got home, got in the bath tub and tried to soak it away, the pain got worse and worse. It got to the point where my left testicle was growing and growing, its now huge so I drove my self to the ER. I basically had to beg and plead for them to get me into an ER room, I have a very high pain tolerance and I was on the verge of passing out from pain. I knew something was seriously wrong. It took about an hour and a half to be seen, I was in tears fighting pain I have never experienced.
I was given ultrasounds and xrays. It seemed that I ruptured my left testicle that is now the size of a baseball. I was admitted over night. The next day I was informed the Dr wanted to wait a few days to see if it goes down in swelling, that if he removes it now its gone but if we wait there could be a slim chance it saves it self. I was informed I would have to stay until Friday. I begged and pleaded to leave. I said "If i'm only here for pain management and not for any testing until Friday can I please go home?". They agreed but I had no idea that the drugs I was getting in the hospital were no where close to what I got at home. In fact because it says I'm a recovering alcoholic, I can tell they underplayed the pain meds. I was given perk 5's when all that was helping in the hospital was dilaudid, which is many times stronger than morphine.
After hours of being home all the drugs wore off, the perk fives did absolutely nothing. I was starting to receive pain signals from my physical body that were so strong and dense that my consciousness was being pulled from higher aspects of the self to the physical body. It was something I was able to observe and it showed me actually that ever since I was born, I have always been in these higher aspects of self. I just never knew it because its all I have experienced. But when the pain got so much, my consciousness was forced to come into just the physical self. It was terrifying, I have never known a consciousness so small, all it could see was body and pain. Absolutely terrifying.
There were points where the pain was getting so bad that my eyes would start to flutter and then want to roll in the back of my head. I had to fight to stay conscious at these times. I have never experienced pain at these levels nor did I know they existed. In the grips of this pain, I saw a blue light in my minds eye and I knew it was Christ. I cant explain how I knew, it was just a knowing. Christ sat with me the whole time and suffered with me. Not only that but he showed to me at an experience level that suffering can only be overcome by love. We suffered together, it was one of the most painful and beautiful experiences of my life. I cant express the feeling of knowing that someone was willing to take the exact suffering you were feeling and feel it with you so you had a companion in those times. It made me understand the passion(easter) and Christs love in a way I could never fathom or understand before. It blew me away even more the timing this all happened....
Later on I was shown why I went through this experience. I just saw my self how consciousness could be trapped in the physical self, the jail cell. I saw that if pain gets so gross, so dense. If the information coming from the physical body is SO MUCH, consciousness has no other choice but to drop to that level to try and survive. I was shown the jail of being in the physical body alone, it was horrifying for me. Then I understood why so many people are stuck, or asleep. It made my heart cry for them. For the first time I realized that the pain most people feel is so much, they can not perceive anything but the physical body. When I saw how much physical pain it took for me to drop to that, I realized how much emotional pain people must be living in and not even realizing it. It must seem normal to them if they can live their lives this way. I realized the amount of emotion and physical pain people are under and do not even know. It was heart breaking. I understood for the first time the gravity of peoples suffering. And I don't mean the suffering you see, but the suffering that must go on in their minds to keep them locked in that aspect of the self. My compassion and service for other grew exponentially with this vision.
In the end the testicle was beyond repair, it was split in 4 different places with the insides coming out. The dr was 60 years old and said it was the worst he has ever seen or operated on. I saw from the very beginning that this was part of the divine plan. In fact from the very beginning I was telling them to remove the testicle. Many things changed after it was removed, both cravings and desires of the material plane and not just of sex. I seemed to have stumbled many times over things I have been shown by the universe need to change, when the time was up those changes were made for me by the grace of God. I realized after this whole experience that suffering is a weird type of grace when you truly understand it. I could see how to most people this could be the absolute worst weeks of their life. But I can honestly say I am blessed and grateful for the experience. God never ceases to amaze me.
I rose, I roared,
I WILL
I AM!
In divine friendship,
your brother,
-michael
I was on my motorcycle last week leaving acupuncture, I was in a line of traffic and I walked my bike up a couple feet and pressed the front brake. I don't know how it happened but some how going 1mph, my left testicle slammed into the gas tank. The pain was overwhelming, I knew instantly something was not right. I have played sports and been hit in the nuts, this was a pain far beyond what I have ever experience. It took everything in me to drive my motorcycle the last 3 miles without passing out in pain. I got home, got in the bath tub and tried to soak it away, the pain got worse and worse. It got to the point where my left testicle was growing and growing, its now huge so I drove my self to the ER. I basically had to beg and plead for them to get me into an ER room, I have a very high pain tolerance and I was on the verge of passing out from pain. I knew something was seriously wrong. It took about an hour and a half to be seen, I was in tears fighting pain I have never experienced.
I was given ultrasounds and xrays. It seemed that I ruptured my left testicle that is now the size of a baseball. I was admitted over night. The next day I was informed the Dr wanted to wait a few days to see if it goes down in swelling, that if he removes it now its gone but if we wait there could be a slim chance it saves it self. I was informed I would have to stay until Friday. I begged and pleaded to leave. I said "If i'm only here for pain management and not for any testing until Friday can I please go home?". They agreed but I had no idea that the drugs I was getting in the hospital were no where close to what I got at home. In fact because it says I'm a recovering alcoholic, I can tell they underplayed the pain meds. I was given perk 5's when all that was helping in the hospital was dilaudid, which is many times stronger than morphine.
After hours of being home all the drugs wore off, the perk fives did absolutely nothing. I was starting to receive pain signals from my physical body that were so strong and dense that my consciousness was being pulled from higher aspects of the self to the physical body. It was something I was able to observe and it showed me actually that ever since I was born, I have always been in these higher aspects of self. I just never knew it because its all I have experienced. But when the pain got so much, my consciousness was forced to come into just the physical self. It was terrifying, I have never known a consciousness so small, all it could see was body and pain. Absolutely terrifying.
There were points where the pain was getting so bad that my eyes would start to flutter and then want to roll in the back of my head. I had to fight to stay conscious at these times. I have never experienced pain at these levels nor did I know they existed. In the grips of this pain, I saw a blue light in my minds eye and I knew it was Christ. I cant explain how I knew, it was just a knowing. Christ sat with me the whole time and suffered with me. Not only that but he showed to me at an experience level that suffering can only be overcome by love. We suffered together, it was one of the most painful and beautiful experiences of my life. I cant express the feeling of knowing that someone was willing to take the exact suffering you were feeling and feel it with you so you had a companion in those times. It made me understand the passion(easter) and Christs love in a way I could never fathom or understand before. It blew me away even more the timing this all happened....
Later on I was shown why I went through this experience. I just saw my self how consciousness could be trapped in the physical self, the jail cell. I saw that if pain gets so gross, so dense. If the information coming from the physical body is SO MUCH, consciousness has no other choice but to drop to that level to try and survive. I was shown the jail of being in the physical body alone, it was horrifying for me. Then I understood why so many people are stuck, or asleep. It made my heart cry for them. For the first time I realized that the pain most people feel is so much, they can not perceive anything but the physical body. When I saw how much physical pain it took for me to drop to that, I realized how much emotional pain people must be living in and not even realizing it. It must seem normal to them if they can live their lives this way. I realized the amount of emotion and physical pain people are under and do not even know. It was heart breaking. I understood for the first time the gravity of peoples suffering. And I don't mean the suffering you see, but the suffering that must go on in their minds to keep them locked in that aspect of the self. My compassion and service for other grew exponentially with this vision.
In the end the testicle was beyond repair, it was split in 4 different places with the insides coming out. The dr was 60 years old and said it was the worst he has ever seen or operated on. I saw from the very beginning that this was part of the divine plan. In fact from the very beginning I was telling them to remove the testicle. Many things changed after it was removed, both cravings and desires of the material plane and not just of sex. I seemed to have stumbled many times over things I have been shown by the universe need to change, when the time was up those changes were made for me by the grace of God. I realized after this whole experience that suffering is a weird type of grace when you truly understand it. I could see how to most people this could be the absolute worst weeks of their life. But I can honestly say I am blessed and grateful for the experience. God never ceases to amaze me.
I rose, I roared,
I WILL
I AM!
In divine friendship,
your brother,
-michael