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View Full Version : Apology to Tony--Grizzlies



AutumnW
5th June 2014, 00:27
I have apologized to Tony on another thread and behind the scenes but want to issue a further public apology and explanation for having a very aggressive reaction to a post he made in one of the group discussion forums a short while ago.

My reaction was impulsive and uncalled for and shows how as much as kindness can send rippling concentric waves outward from a focal point of a generous act or warm remark, the opposite is true, as well.

I was the best friend of a Zen Buddhist practitioner for many years. She leaned on both my husband and I. We poured a lot of genuine care concern and love into the relationship with her. We agonized over her life, as it was so hard for her to make a living. She had tremendous difficulties with people in my small community. I thought some of it was overblown and told her that she might be misperceiving things, but handled her so gently and with such care, because my heart was always breaking for her. But I believed many of her stories, too, and it affected my perception of the community in a pretty negative way.

There were undercurrents of tremendous arrogance and once when my husband and I had a minor problem we shared with her, she offered up nothing but a zen koan in response. It was as helpful as being handed a cat turd. At the time, I just thought it was odd, but let it go.

When she decided to move away, back to her native France, we paid for her airfare and to have many of her possessions shipped there.

And that is pretty much the last we heard from her.

I have since heard that she was back stabbing my husband and I, telling people we rejected her, etc..etc.. I just managed to clear up this fantastic claim with a couple of mutual friends, about a week ago.

Anyways there is more to this story, but the one thing I took away from it was to be very careful when dealing with people who present as harmless teddy bears, masked with a very spiritual aura. I could be dealing with a wounded grizzly, eager for a meal or in some kind of pain, or just plain venal.

In Tony's case, I realize I also have to be careful about making unconscious associations and seeing grizzlies, when I am confronted with somebody who is probably a teddy bear.

Sorry Tony

mosquito
5th June 2014, 01:50
It takes courage to make such a public apology, hats off to you :wizard:

And thank you for sharing the story about your "friend"

Dorjezigzag
5th June 2014, 02:33
Tony is a Tibetan Buddhist, more likely a Yeti! ;)

Its true though we should try not to generalize and stereo type based on past experience, although I admit I do it all the time

Like the poetry from William Blake, songs of innocence and experience, we should try and keep our innocence despite bitter experience.

http://www.roanestate.edu/faculty/ccurrie/ENGL%202020%20resources/Blake%20artwork/innandexp.jpg

AutumnW
5th June 2014, 15:17
Thanks D and M!

I don't know if it's brave to publicly apologize. I do know that it is a bare minimum requirement, in my mind. If you have hurt somebody's feelings and made yourself look like an ass clown, best set things straight ASAP.

I was misreading the intent behind Tony's posts. They were positive. I have been exposed fairly recently to someone who was a Buddhist, presented in a similar way, who hid behind her 'faith' while she launched hand grenades at the reputations and good will of others. I was by no means the only one affected.

Tony is sincere and kind but because his wording and delivery was so similar, it set me off. It's something I have to be very careful about, in the future.

As far as former friend goes, I think she was mildly clinically paranoid and her life was just so hard that she probably caved in to her worst fears. She is not 'evil'. Far from it. But her actions show how fear creates hostility and how hostile actions can have a contagious effect.

So this apology is part of mindfulness, on my part -- understanding where my own hostility comes from and dealing with it.

I've observed so many people in my own life unable to sincerely apologize. I find it really strange. Like, what do they think will happen. It's like they feel expressing remorse will reduce them to a puddle of liquid like the wicked witch of the West.

To take this thread further, if it might help those reading. Do any readers out there want to contribute any life story or thoughts on those who cannot genuinely apologize when they are clearly in the wrong?

greybeard
5th June 2014, 15:43
AutumnW

all credit to you.

A Course in Miracles is very good.
One of its lessons starts.
"You are never angry for the reason you think you are"

Things can pile up, then there is proverbial last straw.
Been there, done it.

Best wishes

Chris

AutumnW
5th June 2014, 17:17
Thanks so much, Chris.