Suicide news

[Natalia]

Hi, just found out by email today that someone who I knew for a short while (went to her classes for a few months last year) took her own life. At first I was in shock, then I just cried and cried, had to call my mum and talk and then sis.

It's just so sad when people do this, and it means that they must have been in a lot of pain, and how it must effect the people who they leave behind...for her own privacy I don't want to say anything about her at all, other than, she was a beautiful lady, teacher, and dancer.

(please, I know this is a sensitive thing, it would upset me if anyone said anything negative about people who do this, please do not do it in this thread, let's be compassionate and gentle to the soul who has departed).

[etheric underground]

I have had A relative by marriage drink a bottle of whiskey, take a bottle of pills and walk into the ocean. Ive also had a work colleague hang himself in his room out here in the mines..... Another guy punched his mate, knocked him over and killed him....A week later he took his own life from guilt.
These Times will be remembered for all the wrong reasons...This is the prison planet ( hell on earth) we were destined to forget all our amazing qualities and not have any real help. So for all of us waking up and remembering why we are here and believing that we can rise above these times...I salute you....We are true light warriors changing the game, we must find inner strength and have faith in our true intentions.MUCH LOVE!!!

[Shezbeth]

There are a great multitude of reasons why an individual may opt for suicide, and while pain is among the impetuses it is neither the 'ultimate' reason nor the 'overwhelmingly probable' cause.

It is the ultimate of sovereign decisions, regardless of the 2nd-party classifiers that may be applied. If I may be so bold as to say, you should not despair and you do your friend a disservice by doing so; I doubt their intent was to cause you pain certainly. Whatever the cause(s), your friend has chosen to take matters into their own hands, to defy the natural course of things and to terminate that which is in their power and their right to terminate. This - to me - is not a cause for remorse, but a cause to rejoice.

Make no mistake; I am not celebrating that someone has died. I am choosing to respect and acknowledge the victory that has been achieved. An individual has chosen to remove themselves from the clutches of the pernicious world which they had previously found themselves in, and that is an act that - by its nature - requires an incredible fortitude, courage, conviction, and steadfastness. For many traditions and schools, suicide is taboo; in others it is most honorable, respectable, and praise-worthy. My words do not assuage your feelings of loss I am sure, but I hope that in time you will realize that this is not a tragedy in and of its self, but the resolution of a tragedy of sorts.

[mahalall]

sorry to here such news
may we take a moment to expand our thoughts
■The number of young people aged 15-16 with depression nearly doubled between the 1980s and the 2000s
■The proportion of young people aged 15-16 with a conduct disorder more than doubled between 1974 and 1999
http://www.youngminds.org.uk/training_services/policy/mental_health_statistics

(my absence of late within avalon, is due to the time given to a young relative)

[Robin]

I wholeheartedely agree with you, Shezbeth. Nothing annoys me more than when somebody says of somebody who is suicidal: "Think about your friends and family! It is selfish of you and not fair to all of them because they will miss you and you will do them emotional damage."

Your physical body is your property and nobody else's. There is nothing selfish about taking your life...perhaps the suicide will give friends and family some moments of much needed introspection in their own lives and cause them to think about how they could have influenced the decision.

[Kryztian]

Not all people who commit suicide are in a state of despair. Some are just fairly indifferent towards life and don't have the motivation to keep on going here in this realm. Some come to the realization that there is a "better place" and they want to get there sooner rather than later. Some just want to join a loved one that has crossed over. If you friends decision was sudden and quickly carried out, then their suicide was probably a result a moment of despair. But if there was planning involved and her life didn't seem to be one of overwhelming pain, she might have had some other rationalization to her action.

Your friend may have loved you dearly and confided with you about many things, but if she was thinking about ending her life, she knew that she could ask you to for objective advice on this matter - you would done everything you could to prevent her from doing what she was considering.

Anyway, I don't want to tell you what to think especially since I don't know your or you're friend, but just say that her reasons for doing what she did may have been more complex. Unfortunately, the process of thinking about suicide and the decision to do it is a lonely one, because it is socially unacceptable, because the means of bringing about a peaceful death (opiates) are made unobtainable, and because ones friends would "selfishly" try to prevent their friend from doing it.

[Natalia]

I too do not like it when people say that it's selfish (but sometimes people say this because of their own pain and fear and grief), and I do not see or feel it that way myself...

Grieving is natural, and to me, that too is not selfish and not a disservice.

I have also looked at her beautiful pictures and remembered and talked a little about her qualities and positive influence.

[Robin]

I find that most of the individuals who commit suicide are brilliant and beautiful souls who could have contributed great feats to humanity. Many of these people awkwardly go through life feeling different and feeling that something is terribly wrong with society. It really does perplex me to see all the incompetents breeding and de-evolving humanity, because it is not "sexy' to be intelligent and awkward. It puzzles me how those in extreme poverty and those caught in the middle of the despairs of the world, or even those who parade around as the epitome of ignorance and materialism, do not even entertain the idea of taking their life. They love their materialistic, fake reality.

Everything on this prison planet is backwards, and I understand why some people feel the need to leave.

[sian]

Hi, just found out by email today that someone who I knew for a short while (went to her classes for a few months last year) took her own life. At first I was in shock, then I just cried and cried, had to call my mum and talk and then sis.

It's just so sad when people do this, and it means that they must have been in a lot of pain, and how it must effect the people who they leave behind...for her own privacy I don't want to say anything about her at all, other than, she was a beautiful lady, teacher, and dancer.

(please, I know this is a sensitive thing, it would upset me if anyone said anything negative about people who do this, please do not do it in this thread, let's be compassionate and gentle to the soul who has departed).

Hi Amathist,

Be gentle on yourself, my heart goes out to you. you're gift of compassion shines through.

My mum tried to take her life several times throughout my lifetime, 2 really big ones early on, after about 20 times we lost count. I bless her these days, she gave me the gift not to succumb to the tortures of deep depression. However dark and deep it gets, knowing and having faith at the end of the tunnel never leaves me, however dark it is, it always shows up. Her pain gave me the grace to strive forward. All i can do is to love her, she's been stable for the last 20 years.

Much Love,
Sian xxx

[RunningDeer]

Sorry for your loss and any pain you are going through, Amethyst. Sorry for the beautiful lady, teacher, and dancer. No doubt she’s a sensitive one.

I lost my son, Michael, to suicide when he was twenty-three. He was a funny, intuitive, sensitive and bright Being. (Yup, another parent bragging on her kiddo.) The daycare that my son attended asked if they could send Michael for testing because he was reading at three and half.

A test that stood out was the one where you construct a model to match the picture. It starts off with one colored block and one dimension design. After a couple of cards the doctor skipped to the four colored blocks that had complex 3D perspective. Michael gave a quick glance and built it.

That’s one small example. Most important, Michael touched a lot of lives. He had a big heart. And he lived more life and miles in his twenty-three years than most live in a lifetime.

I’ve lost a loved one to suicide, and I’ve been one step away from suicide four months after Michael’s death. It’s a state like no other.

Today I say, unless and until I reach within to where the Warrior Spirit resides, and to face the unknown, and to discover how powerful I am, and to bring it forth into the world, my business is unfinished.

With heart,
Paula <3

[Knowrainknowrainbows!]

I've been out of touch with Avalon a while ... glad to be back and "see" familiar and new "people".

So sorry for your loss Amethyst ... Also thinking of the close relatives and friends this individual left behind. I hope they find comfort ... perhaps support in sharing their painful loss.

11 months ago my friend's 87 yr old father took his life. He had told his family for years he would do it ... with failing health and fewer years ahead than behind he made good on his word. Sad ... yet understandable ...

Other circumstances are not understandable ... not comprehensible ... tremendous vacancies, voids and endless questions ... May your sharing heighten awareness ... human condition to human condition.

KRKR

[778 neighbour of some guy]

I know 9 people who took their own lives for various reasons ( they were all friends), its not going away, it just gets somewhat manageable with great effort and its a continuous job and affects all parts of my life, how I choose friends ( even on a forum like this) and all other relationships, I tread very careful in that regard, but most of all, it blows, people who say they'll get punished for such an act are idiots, complete idiots and fear mongering nutcases that think in terms of punishment, those people are the true emotionally, intellectually and spiritually walking dead, they managed to kill themselves and still walk upright while judging and condemning others just for the sake of feeling good about themselves and their path of choice, one day they will be surprised about all the time they spend living in fear, that will be a day of tears for them, at the moment the need it the least.

[RunningDeer]

and cause them to think about how they could have influenced the decision.

Hi SamWise,

In some cases, no matter how close or supportive one is in the relationship, that influence averts only for so long.

Because in the end:

Some are clever enough to hide it. Some don’t want to burden others. Some think they can handle it on their own. Some are afraid to reach out for help because they may appear weak. Some are afraid to reach out. Period. Some are unaware of how deep they've fallen. Some don't know they need to reach out. Some do not feel worthy. And some are unable to live in a world that does not make sense.

It’s imperative that we fix that last one ASAP. We’ve lost many, and my fear is that we’ll lose many more. We fix that last one and all the rest of the illogical reasons go with it.

Fondly,
Paula <3

[778 neighbour of some guy]

Some are clever enough to hide it. Some don’t want to burden others. Some think they can handle it on their own. Some are afraid to reach out for help because they may appear weak. Some are afraid to reach out. Period. Some are unaware of how deep they've fallen. Some don't know they need to reach out. Some do not feel worthy. And some are unable to live in a world that does not make sense.

And most likely, some of most of the above, and a little of a lot adds up and is a big heap to haul around, eventually everyone needs a rest and needs to get away from things, we might feel pain about what they did because it hurts us, but ultimately, their choice has nothing to do with us, granting someone the right to their own chosen form of peace without judgment is the greatest gift you can give yourself and the loved ones that went soulsurfing without a board, what a sweet sweet trick that is, they have taught me so so very much.

[778 neighbour of some guy]

and cause them to think about how they could have influenced the decision.

Hi SamWise,

In some cases, no matter how close or supportive one is in the relationship, that influence averts only for so long.

Because in the end:

Some are clever enough to hide it. Some don’t want to burden others. Some think they can handle it on their own. Some are afraid to reach out for help because they may appear weak. Some are afraid to reach out. Period. Some are unaware of how deep they've fallen. Some don't know they need to reach out. Some do not feel worthy. And some are unable to live in a world that does not make sense.

It’s imperative that we fix that last one ASAP. We’ve lost many, and my fear is that we’ll lose many more. We fix that last one and all the rest of the illogical reasons go with it.

Fondly,
Paula <3

Love you for being you Paula!

[RunningDeer]

Love you for being you Paula!

I send Love back to you, Ed. http://emoticoner.com/files/emoticons/smileys/wet-kiss-smiley.gif?1292867699

[778 neighbour of some guy]

Love you for being you Paula!

I send Love back to you, Ed. http://emoticoner.com/files/emoticons/smileys/wet-kiss-smiley.gif?1292867699

Yours I accept without questions, thank you.

[Michael Moewes]

Hi, I'm sorry to hear that another great soul has left due to suicide. My best friend did so at the age of 20. he'd got stuck on a lsd trip.
Since them I started to investigate life and death. so the most complete and heart touching experience I had was reading the Book of Sogyal Rinpoche. " The tibetan book of living and dying ". I recomend this one to every one who is still suffering from the lost of a beloved person.
I hope this may help. Sarva Mangalam

[Becky]

It often is the very sensitive people who feel pain, especially emotional pain very intensely who do take their own life. A close friend of mine took her life 3 Christmasses ago. It was horrific. Her death did start me looking deep into the rabbit hole though that led me here to Avalon...

[sian]

Guys i need help please

[RunningDeer]

Guys i need help please
Hi sian,

How can we help? Feel free to PM me. I'll check back tomorrow, (if not sooner).

Paula <3

UPDATED

[spiritwind]

Guys i need help please

May you know and feel with all your being the love and support that is there for you in this moment.

[Orph]

Guys i need help please
And help shall gladly be given. :)

[Orph]

Because in the end:

Some are clever enough to hide it. Some don’t want to burden others. Some think they can handle it on their own. Some are afraid to reach out for help because they may appear weak. Some are afraid to reach out. Period. Some are unaware of how deep they've fallen. Some don't know they need to reach out. Some do not feel worthy. And some are unable to live in a world that does not make sense.

You've pretty much got all the bases covered there. I suppose there all different kinds of pain that people carry around inside. But for me, the pain was mine. I kept it to myself and struggled for almost 20 years. And it was a real struggle just to get by for another day. I never let anyone know. (kind of a little bit of everything from the quote above by Running Deer). I just didn't see any way of explaining that kind of pain or despair. There may have been people who would have wanted to help, but how can they?

Again, I'm sure there are all different kinds of pain. But if someone is dogged by a pain that goes so deep it seems to be a black hole that extends downward into infinity, perhaps I can help a little. ::::: You are stronger than you can possibly imagine. The pain, the darkness, that infinite emptiness is you. Do not run from it. Literally embrace it as you. Only you know how powerful that pain, loneliness, or lack of love is. But that's the point. It is powerful! And it is you. Do you see now? It's your power.

Now, I'm not saying that all of a sudden your life will come up roses. The world we live in obviously isn't perfect. Part of the problem, (at least for me), is trying to look at the world "out there" as justification to who I am. We all want to seem to be successful to our family and friends.

But for those who may have similar feelings to what I've gone through, I just want you to know that you ARE strong. You may not ever fit in. And living in this world might always be a struggle. But at least get to know the absolute strength of who you really are. Embrace the darkness and love yourself for it.

[RunningDeer]

If there’s something dammed up, it means let go.

The loss of my son is the barometer I use to settle any emotions. Nothing touches me like that experience. When the emotional pain hit the realm of immeasurable and insurmountable, the body took on the rest. It felt like a non-stop, red-hot poker attack. Raw-raw all the time.

I was exhausted. I could not take one more second of the on-going rage, sadness, and fear of never seeing Michael again. I lived in the country, and no homes around for miles. I went outside in the dead of winter, no coat and screeched, screeched and screeched. I wanted my heart to give out.

Instead, I collapsed and waited to die. No more tears came. No sobs. Only silence. I landed in the center of blessed silence. No need to think or wonder or feel. Nothing.

I don’t know how long it was. But when I got up, I thought it snowed until I took a closer look. There were tiny, tiny feathers all around me. I don’t know how many I collected. Lots. When I checked, I watched them disappear in my hand like snowflakes. And as if on cue, the feathers that had outlined my body did the same.

No amount of money would I trade for the experience that day. A priceless gift of knowledge that nothing matches a heart that is open. It only makes one stronger.

Today, my secret weapon for continued health is keep the awareness light on. Recycle and relabel energies that go quirky ASAP.

Or even better than recycle and relabel...un-label, no label, stop before the label. Identify there's itch energy. Then it goes poof!

RunningDeer <3

[gardener2]

Hello RunningDeer I just read your answer to Amethyst, I felt your pain and my heart goes out to you. I also lost a son to suicide found him dead on Christmas morning 8 yrs ago loss of a child is the hardest thing I have ever known no matter how old they are. Then last year my sister killed herself, I feel so empty inside I also tried to do it after she died. but I was weak. Strange thing I found about loss of family is each one of them takes a little bit of you with them and you can never find that part of you ever again. I say this because I lost also my father and mother 2 brothers and another sister although they did not take their own lives. I am swimming upstream and I wish I could be as strong as you, I am not playing the victim here just trying to express myself it is difficult for all of us who have lost loved ones to suicide. I also feel for you amethyst, you are young and have compassion and I am sorry for your loss. sorry for spilling all to you here on Avalon. gardener 2

[Natalia]

Hi, just found out by email today that someone who I knew for a short while (went to her classes for a few months last year) took her own life. At first I was in shock, then I just cried and cried, had to call my mum and talk and then sis.

It's just so sad when people do this, and it means that they must have been in a lot of pain, and how it must effect the people who they leave behind...for her own privacy I don't want to say anything about her at all, other than, she was a beautiful lady, teacher, and dancer.

(please, I know this is a sensitive thing, it would upset me if anyone said anything negative about people who do this, please do not do it in this thread, let's be compassionate and gentle to the soul who has departed).

Hi Amathist,

Be gentle on yourself, my heart goes out to you. you're gift of compassion shines through.

My mum tried to take her life several times throughout my lifetime, 2 really big ones early on, after about 20 times we lost count. I bless her these days, she gave me the gift not to succumb to the tortures of deep depression. However dark and deep it gets, knowing and having faith at the end of the tunnel never leaves me, however dark it is, it always shows up. Her pain gave me the grace to strive forward. All i can do is to love her, she's been stable for the last 20 years.

Much Love,
Sian xxx

Hi Sian,

It's been similar with my father, though he left when I was 11, and his 2 main (serious) attempts were when I was an adult after years of separation and not hearing from him at all...it was a shock and after that he wanted to see us (he lives in another country...) and we go and see him every year...all I can do is love him, too...I know what you mean.

It was a beautiful way that you put it about learning from your mother, and I too have learned from my father (not feeling to go into now)

<3

Amethyst

[Natalia]

Thank you all for warm replies, understanding, and sharing :)

[Natalia]

Sorry for your loss and any pain you are going through, Amethyst. Sorry for the beautiful lady, teacher, and dancer. No doubt she’s a sensitive one.

I lost my son, Michael, to suicide when he was twenty-three. He was a funny, intuitive, sensitive and bright Being. (Yup, another parent bragging on her kiddo.) The daycare that my son attended asked if they could send Michael for testing because he was reading at three and half.

A test that stood out was the one where you construct a model to match the picture. It starts off with one colored block and one dimension design. After a couple of cards the doctor skipped to the four colored blocks that had complex 3D perspective. Michael gave a quick glance and built it.

That’s one small example. Most important, Michael touched a lot of lives. He had a big heart. And he lived more life and miles in his twenty-three years than most live in a lifetime.

I’ve lost a loved one to suicide, and I’ve been one step away from suicide four months after Michael’s death. It’s a state like no other.

Today I say, unless and until I reach within to where the Warrior Spirit resides, and to face the unknown, and to discover how powerful I am, and to bring it forth into the world, my business is unfinished.

With heart,
Paula <3

Hi Paula,

sorry for the loss of your son, it must have been devastating (I can only imagine what it's like to loose someone in that way who is that close). He sounds like he was a wonderful and attractive young man, and thank you for sharing some of his story - touched me <3, and you are a strong lady.

I have come close to suicide twice (the last time was 8 years ago), but, I made a promise to myself and my family never to do it and I will stick to it, and when or if I need help in that way, I will ask for it. I don't have a big pride thing to ask for help if I need it, with me, it's the not wanting to bother or worry people, thing, but that just means talking to the right person!

Amethyst

[vilcabamba]

I think it's hard to live on this planet if you are sensitive. The 3D frequencies can be painful when you can feel others sadness and also there is a lack of unconditional love on this planet. It's all about keeping up appearances, celebrity worship, materialism. I don't blame someone for cutting out here early. I know the grass is greener on the other side. I really feel quiet jealous of the people who have left and are now back in the higher realms. I do hate it here and I don't like the reptilian brained people at all. Wish I could join them, but I 've got some work to do. But koodoos to them for having the guts to cut out of hell early.

[Natalia]

I think it's hard to live on this planet if you are sensitive. The 3D frequencies can be painful when you can feel others sadness and also there is a lack of unconditional love on this planet. It's all about keeping up appearances, celebrity worship, materialism. I don't blame someone for cutting out here early. I know the grass is greener on the other side. I really feel quiet jealous of the people who have left and are now back in the higher realms. I do hate it here and I don't like the reptilian brained people at all. Wish I could join them, but I 've got some work to do. But koodoos to them for having the guts to cut out of hell early.

I understand why some people commit suicide, and that there are different reasons...the main reasons why I wanted to leave at times were to end the lonely pain and get away from this place, and/or to go home (but I will go home at the right time - it's not my time to go yet). Yes it is difficult at times for us very sensitive souls, and that is why we need a support system while we are here.

To me, this planet is heaven and hell combined...

My life generally gets better the older I get (it's not the same for everyone, I know)

[Natalia]

I do not believe that people get punished for committing suicide, what kind of being would do that? That's not love...(I believe in love), and if it were up to me, there would be angels surrounding them with love when they pass away...and I do believe that there are, at least sometimes...

This is one of my fave films, such true and deep love...

AKp2LsCOswc

[Cara]

Hello Amethyst and others,

I am someone who has contemplated my own death and suicide at some points in my life. In my early 20s, I slid down what I call "the slippery slope" into the pits of despair and planned a suicide by jumping from a building (which I did not do). It is still remarkable to me today that I managed to claw my way, day by day, back out of there.

I can say that for me it was a very dark, lonely place where things were so terrible that I felt suicide was a viable course of action. I have a feeling that much, if not all, of my path down the slippery slope was a result of social conditioning and the meta mind programming that we are all exposed to.

A big difference between now and then for me is that then I was not so awake to this programming in my own thinking and so I was simply a dumb instrument in a vast machine (and that is precisely what I felt like: an unknown and uncared for cog in a soulless machine). Nowadays, although I definitely still have a lot more to learn and uncover, I feel much more of my own power - both because I have acquired some knowledge but also because I, and I alone, slid down the slope and, more importantly, dragged myself up the slope and to a much better place than I was even before the slide.

I have no way to know what your friend was experiencing but I hope that for her she experienced some relief and resolution through her suicide. When I was there, I certainly looked to it as a means of achieving both those things. I wish her peace and calm and, if she lives again in this prison planet, a kinder life.

X Searcher

PS. for anyone reading this who I may have alarmed or caused concern by this post, I apologize. My intent was to share an experience which might illustrate some aspects of a suicide mind-space.

[RunningDeer]

Hello RunningDeer I just read your answer to Amethyst, I felt your pain and my heart goes out to you. I also lost a son to suicide found him dead on Christmas morning 8 yrs ago loss of a child is the hardest thing I have ever known no matter how old they are. Then last year my sister killed herself, I feel so empty inside I also tried to do it after she died. but I was weak. Strange thing I found about loss of family is each one of them takes a little bit of you with them and you can never find that part of you ever again. I say this because I lost also my father and mother 2 brothers and another sister although they did not take their own lives. I am swimming upstream and I wish I could be as strong as you, I am not playing the victim here just trying to express myself it is difficult for all of us who have lost loved ones to suicide. I also feel for you amethyst, you are young and have compassion and I am sorry for your loss. sorry for spilling all to you here on Avalon. gardener 2

I’m sorry for the loss of your son, gardener2. :hug:
Christmas morning. And eight years was yesterday.

The holidays accentuate the emptiness. For many, spring is another uptick in haunting thoughts. New growth, a new season underscores the pain.

Like you, since my son past, I’ve lost my mom and dad and sister #8. Recently, I recalled how many relatives, friends, acquaintances, and colleagues have past on in only the last five years. Their lives etched in the tapestry. Missions accomplished.


I wish I could be as strong as you

It’s been my experience that we are all strong. Not only do my perceived weakness get realigned through others’ experiences, but more importantly, it’s through self-honesty, and self-evaluation. It’s a process of continued weeding of what holds me back. And the discovery that false beliefs are disguised as truth, and fear falsely imprisons the mighty.

This plane of existence is one of duality. So where there’s a clunk, I pair it with a clank. I’m here for the whole package. To experience it all. Be touched and touch all.

With Heart,
Paula <3

[sian]

Amethyst i'm so greatful to you for having started this thread and to all who have had the courage to share their pain so openly, my heart goes out to you all. You all gave me the strength to ask for help, couldn't have got here without ANY of you, sincerely. Your reach out has touched me deeply, thank you so much.

We think of suicide as our enemy like any thing we don't understand or can't fathom out rationally. Mam tried it so many times, she was hurting so much.

She was artistic, played the piano, sang in the village choir, good at school. Her passion for freedom roaming the countryside and beach on her bicycle with friends was wonderful. She got shakled into the mundane, got pregnant with me and married my dad at 17. Things were'nt right for either of them. I was the referee, hell bent on fixing both of them and failed.

Even suicide can become our unlikely friend when truth be told. Strength is the only way through, realizing it as it is, is the hardest thing of all.

I have a long way to go, but what ever comes my way in the future, my Mam's gift of grace is always
there to remind me that freedom has to start within.