Christmas Stories

[Mike]

...everybody's got 'em. good ones. bad ones. funny ones. sad ones. all are welcome here.

so lets kick it off-

im feeling a little nostalgic because a very close friend of the family passed away last week. he's the other half of the picture I had cropped for my avatar, actually. name's Jeff. quite simply the coolest, funniest guy ive ever met. he's jewish. i mention that now because if i don't the rest of this post won't make sense...

jeff and i had a ritual which was based on an experience that happened 20 years ago or so. i was driving by him slowly as he was getting the mail, just a few days from Christmas. i rolled my window down. a conversation took place that went something like this:

me: hey jeff, waddya got planned for Christmas?

jeff: im jewish mike.

me: sure, but certainly you're going to celebrate Christmas somehow?

jeff: mike, look at my house...see the menorah?

me: yes i do. i was wondering what those pagan decorations were all about..

jeff: theyre jewish. j-e-w-i-s-h....jewish

me: that's cute, but Christmas is just a few days away. you've got children, they'll expect gifts.

jeff: why are you being such an ass?

me: why did you kill Jesus?


and on and on we went. it all appears very P.I. here, but i can assure you it was all in good fun. back then i lived on a cul-de-sac, and im convinced it consisted of 20 of the most funny, politically incorrect families on the planet.

one Christmas morning we all awoke to Jeff, dressed as Jesus, half finished vodka bottle in hand, walking down our street with a megaphone, shouting "awaken you f#cking heathens, hell awaits you!" he put small, plastic menorahs on everybody's porch, accompanied with a small package that included everyone's specific vice: beer, cigarettes, liquor, cigar, etc...later that night, as retribution, we gathered all 20 families, kids and all, and verbally bludgeoned him and his family with a stirring rendition of 'do they know its christmas' ("LET THEM KNOW ITS CHRISTMAS TIME!!!") he laughed and pelted us with jelly beans.

we had a small patch of grass at the end of the culdesac, and it was often used as a congregation area. it was totally informal. one person would set up a chair, and slowly everybody would join him/her. within an hour there might be 40-50 people down there. jeff held court. there was no doubt who was running things. we'd all come to see Jeff. the guy was magnetic, full of energy. i wish i could share some of his many stories, but theyre just a bit too racy i think.

i saw him last about a month ago. he was in the final stages of cancer and very blunt about his prospects. conversation went something like this:

jeff, defiantly smoking a cigarette despite lung cancer: could be any minute now bud..

me: have you gone to confession?

jeff: I'm jewish mike...you know that..

me: still, you should make your peace with jesus

jeff: come on, say it with me: jewish

me: Christmas?

jeff: no, jewish. come on, you can do it...

so forth. we joked back and forth like that for hours, downing beer after beer. at the end he did something hed never done: he hugged me and kissed me on the cheek. i reminded him that homosexuality was a sin punishable by death. and he said "finally...something we agree on."




note: I hope you all sense the playful nature here. neither of us are bigots or homophobes. the homosexuality joke at the end was said because it's an old testament thing etc...ok, nevermind...you get it...

[gardener2]

That was so good I loved that story Mike thank you for posting it, I used to love Christmas but tragedy struck so I wont go into that, but your story was although sad it was very uplifting, i'm sure he will be strutting around dressed as jesus with his vodka, hope he offers him one.

[sandy]

Love it and by the sounds of it would love to live in your neighbourhood too!! :hug:

[Dennis Leahy]

...note: I hope you all sense the playful nature here. neither of us are bigots or homophobes. the homosexuality joke at the end was said because it's an old testament thing etc...ok, nevermind...you get it...You got me to 'laugh out loud' (no, not the emoticon, the physical function) TWICE in your post Mike! (I'm still howling over your post in the Alzheimer's thread, but can't bring myself to acknowledge it there)

I have no Christmas stories that are in the same arena as you and your buddy Jeff, but in the spirit of the thread, I'll include this:

I have nine siblings, yeah nine. When we were young, I'm sure my parents were up until the crack of dawn assembling toys and wrapping - and making 10 piles of Christmas cheer. One year, one of my sisters wanted a pogo stick, really badly. Another of my sisters really wanted a guitar. So, when we awoke and the onslaught of 20 little feed descended on the "living room" transformed into a toy store (did I mention there were 10 kids?) to my amazement and 2 sister's disappointment, I got a pogo stick and a guitar. (I can visualize my parents trying to "even up the piles.")

If you look in the Guiness World Record book under Pogo Stick and Guitar, you won't find me listed. I guess I should have learned to play the guitar while jumping on a pogo stick.

[Mike]

...note: I hope you all sense the playful nature here. neither of us are bigots or homophobes. the homosexuality joke at the end was said because it's an old testament thing etc...ok, nevermind...you get it...You got me to 'laugh out loud' (no, not the emoticon, the physical function) TWICE in your post Mike! (I'm still howling over your post in the Alzheimer's thread, but can't bring myself to acknowledge it there)

I have no Christmas stories that are in the same arena as you and your buddy Jeff, but in the spirit of the thread, I'll include this:

I have nine siblings, yeah nine. When we were young, I'm sure my parents were up until the crack of dawn assembling toys and wrapping - and making 10 piles of Christmas cheer. One year, one of my sisters wanted a pogo stick, really badly. Another of my sisters really wanted a guitar. So, when we awoke and the onslaught of 20 little feed descended on the "living room" transformed into a toy store (did I mention there were 10 kids?) to my amazement and 2 sister's disappointment, I got a pogo stick and a guitar. (I can visualize my parents trying to "even up the piles.")

If you look in the Guiness World Record book under Pogo Stick and Guitar, you won't find me listed. I guess I should have learned to play the guitar while jumping on a pogo stick.


..play the guitar on a pogo stick..while crossing the English channel;). now that would have been something!

10 kids! that's unreal! i have 3 siblings and i thought that was a lot!

thanks for the anecdote, Dennis. i was just telling Paula how much i admire the way your mind works. love reading your stuff. thanks again brother

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Love it and by the sounds of it would love to live in your neighbourhood too!! :hug:


hi sandy, i basically grew up on that street. i thought *everybody* acted that way:). i spent a good part of my early adult life offending everyone in sight! took me a few years to acclimate to the real world..

[bogeyman]

The Christmas Ghost

Going back to 1988 I was on holidays in a small country town in Australia named Murwillumbah. I was up from Sydney where I was working (actually in a haunted department and I promise to write that one out, too) and was up visiting my parents.

We went out to some Christmas Do and came back a bit latish that night, Christmas Eve 1988. I went straight to bed for I was buggered and dozed off. It was around about 1am when I was rudely woken up by someone whacking me hard on the left ankle.

I sat up, frowning and saw this man dressed in a tartan suit and wearing a tartan hat with the pom pom on it and he looked really pissed off about something. He leaning on a stick but I couldn't make out his features. I remember he had grey hair that's about all I remember of him except he was pointing at something. I watched him then turn and walked THROUGH the door. I wasn't freaked out or anything, I just shrugged and went back to sleep.

I told me mum the next day and she sat me down and said she kept seeing a little old woman standing at the bottom of her bed holding a pillow in her hands and ready to smother my mother. I also saw shadows of someone walking down the hall but, yet, there was no one there.

http://www.yourghoststories.com/real-ghost-story.php?story=4813

[Mike]

The Christmas Ghost

Going back to 1988 I was on holidays in a small country town in Australia named Murwillumbah. I was up from Sydney where I was working (actually in a haunted department and I promise to write that one out, too) and was up visiting my parents.

We went out to some Christmas Do and came back a bit latish that night, Christmas Eve 1988. I went straight to bed for I was buggered and dozed off. It was around about 1am when I was rudely woken up by someone whacking me hard on the left ankle.

I sat up, frowning and saw this man dressed in a tartan suit and wearing a tartan hat with the pom pom on it and he looked really pissed off about something. He leaning on a stick but I couldn't make out his features. I remember he had grey hair that's about all I remember of him except he was pointing at something. I watched him then turn and walked THROUGH the door. I wasn't freaked out or anything, I just shrugged and went back to sleep.

I told me mum the next day and she sat me down and said she kept seeing a little old woman standing at the bottom of her bed holding a pillow in her hands and ready to smother my mother. I also saw shadows of someone walking down the hall but, yet, there was no one there.

http://www.yourghoststories.com/real-ghost-story.php?story=4813


isn't it strange how the most bizarre things can happen to us in the middle of the night, and our response is to shrug and go back to sleep?:p

i know ive done this several times. and the event isn't even recollected until days later.

this is also common in ufl lore.

thanks for the story Bogeyman

[RunningDeer]

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year everyone!

http://avalonlibrary.net/paula/Seasons/bulbs_zpsgyfydhlu.GIFhttp://avalonlibrary.net/paula/Seasons/bulbs2_zpsqadytjf7.GIF

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