"Helping People" Without Them Asking

[Natalia]

We have all done it, I am sure, when we tried to help someone without them asking.

It could have different possible effects, immediately helping, or later down the line helping, or not helping at all in anyway...or even harming.

One thing that is surely needed (usually)

is rapport

Definition: "Rapport is a close and harmonious relationship in which the people or groups concerned understand each other's feelings or ideas and communicate well."

Rapport builds trust...now if a person hasn't asked for help and a person who has not built rapport with them tries to help them in an unemphatic way (even if it is coming from care), it can be more hurtful than helpful, even though at times, it can hurt and then help, or it can not hurt at all those who are very tough (but this is not true for highly sensitive people) or not feeling it in the moment (because they are detached).

Some people have a greater need for rapport and empathic connection with others (very true for myself), and that may well be evident (or will be found out after communications).

I see it that every single person on here is a helper in some ways, but in different ways...some are more empathic, some are more philosophical, some are more action orientated, and so on...

Please, listen, what type of helper or help does this person need?

And does the person actually need help in the way that you think that they do?

[grannyfranny100]

Slamming my car trunk closed was not helpful but the passerby meant well or maybe not. This was before my back fusion and my new knee. My pain was intense. I had purposely opened my trunk before retrieving an item on my back seat to transfer to the trunk. The parking lot passerby had not checked around the car to discover my presence. That kind of "do gooder," I did not need.

[Natalia]

I want to know if my help is needed, or not, or if will will harm rather than heal (if it harms then it is not help, even if there is good intention).

I think that we have all made mistakes with it.

I have felt so guilty before for making a mistake with trying to help a friend and she felt offended and not respected and it was not something that she was into at all - but I apologized when I saw how she felt about it. I learned from it.

Something that someone is not open to is not going to help them, and there may be other things that can help them - it doesn't necessarily mean that they don't want help, or can't be helped, or don't want to grow, if something is not right for them

We can be grateful for people trying to help us when it is not right for us, but we can also feel hurt, and hopefully people listen to "it's not right for me".

[betoobig]

Hello Natalie. Avalon is full of wonderfull sincronicities, i just discuss the issue with my wife. Real help is allways welcome, if it doesn't help it isn't it. The issue is if help expontaneously or wait till the person ask for it... Both work but the second Will allways be much more effective. Thanks Nat.
LOVE
Juan

[betoobig]

Maybe telling them that You are able to help, giving them that awarness, Will triger their demand for your help. Ciao

[Ernie Nemeth]

Sorry I don't know you, you seem to be nice, sweet, smart. I am not sure what "rapport" looks like on a forum, though.
No one bothers to try building rapport with me at all. I don't find that insulting, nor do I find their helpful comments rude.
Sometimes I don't get it but that is me not them.
No one here has special status, unless they have mysteriously built rapport with others here in authority.
How that happens I've no idea. But as far as I'm concerned, no one is special and no one's opinion matters any more than the next person's.

So if I am the target of your post then I'm sorry but if I only commented to those I have "rapport" with, I wouldn't post at all.

[Natalia]

Hello Natalie. Avalon is full of wonderfull sincronicities, i just discuss the issue with my wife. Real help is allways welcome, if it doesn't help it isn't it. The issue is if help expontaneously or wait till the person ask for it... Both work but the second Will allways be much more effective. Thanks Nat.
LOVE
Juan

:) and thank you Juan

yes, so true.

Today I got the exact right help, was feeling so very low, and crying many tears (about nothing in particular). My empathic friend chatted to me on Skype (after she pmed me asking if I wanted to), and it made me feel mostly better. It was just what I needed and I didn't ask for it (but I think I was giving of those vibes that I needed some kind of help). I was so fragile at that time, harsh words or disapproving vibes, would have hurt me even more .

People say "only you are responsible for how you feel" but I disagree, partly...it's like a man with brown eyes cannot change the color of them, just like a highly sensitive person cannot stop being highly sensitive in nature (but they can grow and heal and learn to manage a bit better).

And sometimes we do know what is right or wrong for us, even when others do not.

[Natalia]

Sorry I don't know you, you seem to be nice, sweet, smart. I am not sure what "rapport" looks like on a forum, though.
No one bothers to try building rapport with me at all. I don't find that insulting, nor do I find their helpful comments rude.
Sometimes I don't get it but that is me not them.
No one here has special status, unless they have mysteriously built rapport with others here in authority.
How that happens I've no idea. But as far as I'm concerned, no one is special and no one's opinion matters any more than the next person's.

So if I am the target of your post then I'm sorry but if I only commented to those I have "rapport" with, I wouldn't post at all.

Yes I don't think that rapport is always needed - you make a good point.

And yes people can help when there is not a rapport (or not a strong one) there.

I have at times been grateful for people trying to help me in ways that were not right for me, because they cared and I could feel it, and it isn't always harming if it's not right. People do not always have to get it right for me, I am quite an easy going person, usually. It can even be sweet! I am grateful just for their love and kindness.

The harm that I am mostly talking about is more when people are being disrespectful and not listening to you and not caring about your feelings.

[WhiteLove]

You can approach this in many ways, it all depends on who you are and maybe who you want to be or become. It also depends on what your beliefs are and how you relate these kinds of things to your life and how it is best lived. But it is still of course a perfectly valid question to ask and I'm going to provide you the answer that maybe is the most interesting to me to share.

The RA material was produced under the influence of very high intelligence - positive or negative. In this material a cornerstone is the concept of "catalyst". I recommend that you study this first of all here:

The RA material: Catalyst (http://www.lawofone.info/results.php?q=catalyst)

You basically get 175 reference points into different aspects of catalyst, it is such big topic. Catalyst is kind of a soul lesson, set into a series by the Higher Self into the incarnative experience, in order to obtain maximum potential for soul harvest, in our case to positive fourth density.

Control is the key to negatively polarized use of catalyst. Acceptance is the key to positively polarized use of catalyst. The catalyst, and all catalyst, is designed to offer experience. This experience in our density may be loved and accepted or it may be controlled. These are the two paths. When neither path is chosen the catalyst fails in its design and the entity proceeds until catalyst strikes it which causes it to form a bias towards acceptance and love or separation and control.

Basically by acting through service to others by giving a helping hand even when they did not ask, you offer experience to an other self, hence become a catalyst. Through the catalyst of free will, the person you help can then reject that help, hence the reflection back to you - here is the catalytic effect - is whether you accept this experience in love, or whether you don't and hence serve the self through separation and control. In other words, to complete the soul lesson you are of service to others in step 1 and in step 2 you accept whatever is the outcome of that help, then you achieved your goal and the person you were a catalyst towards, may have polarized positively or negatively from this. At the same time, when you reached your goal, you polarized positively from this catalyst.

So let's say for instance that you love someone and you want to help the person you love by offering you to him/her. In this way you offer experience (founded in service to others), hence you are a catalyst. Let's say your love is then rejected due to the other self responding negatively to this catalyst by judging, separating and controlling this experience for the service to self, if you at that point accept this in love, you have completed your soul lesson and you are likely to perceive some kind of "swing" going from this experience because you have now learned this kind of lesson and are ready for the next one, you have broken this particular cycle. Else, what might happen is this same thing repeating, because the lesson has not been fully learned, such that the spirit can move on. So a catalyst is kind of a mutual love test for lack of better terms.

As a guiding principle my understanding is that help in whatever form, when it comes from service to others/love towards other selves, there is always a potential for positive impact. When Jesus died on the cross he did not ask first whether this was OK or not. His version is this: Love other selves so unconditionally that not even your own life is a condition on that love.

If we ever get in contact with ETs during our life time and these are positively polarized or from some even higher dimension, then it is very likely that these spirits have passed very challenging/advanced love tests/catalysts on their spiritual journey and we would probably sense an immense level of love in their presence.

[Meggings]

WhiteLove - thanks for posting above - what you put up was incredibly useful to my understanding when I came across it years ago. This is spot on:

"Control is the key to negatively polarized use of catalyst. Acceptance is the key to positively polarized use of catalyst. The catalyst, and all catalyst, is designed to offer experience. This experience in our density may be loved and accepted or it may be controlled. These are the two paths. When neither path is chosen the catalyst fails in its design and the entity proceeds until catalyst strikes it which causes it to form a bias towards acceptance and love or separation and control."

[christian]

Being there and speaking giraffe, helping never felt so good.

Bydhuxilg_A

When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.

[zen deik]

Do a good deed for someone without them or anyone else knowing and don't tell or take credit for it.Offering help is good,but usually you can only help someone to help themselves, this moves them forward.You can only help if they want help, think they need help,and not refuse help.

[nenosema]

part of the reason I feel, that we don't act in closeness is because we don't know what that would look like.
you're always so great at bringing your gentle closeness to the forum and helping people in subtle ways, n I know you'll continue to do so wherever you may be::
http://s21.postimg.org/djgt6j3pz/purification_by_druid55_d4aic2d.jpg (http://postimage.org/)
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(http://postimage.org/)

[WhiteLove]

WhiteLove - thanks for posting above - what you put up was incredibly useful to my understanding when I came across it years ago. This is spot on:

"Control is the key to negatively polarized use of catalyst. Acceptance is the key to positively polarized use of catalyst. The catalyst, and all catalyst, is designed to offer experience. This experience in our density may be loved and accepted or it may be controlled. These are the two paths. When neither path is chosen the catalyst fails in its design and the entity proceeds until catalyst strikes it which causes it to form a bias towards acceptance and love or separation and control."

Thanks, I also think this is interesting stuff. One interesting aspect of polarizing positively through catalyst is that due to the neutralizing, stabilizing and balancing properties of acceptance, you kind of walk a path towards more joy.

Let's say for instance that you buy something nice to also serve the other self financially from that purchase, for instance a concert ticket. If you then also accept the less cash you have in your pocket after that, instead of fighting it with your ego, then maybe more concerts are heading your way, because on your soul journey there are maybe no longer any lessons to learn about this particular thing. So potentially more joy only in that.

The less repetitions that cause frustration, the more happy you are probably going to end up. If catalyst is a cornerstone of how to find happiness in this life and beyond, then that means that if your use of catalyst is positively polarized through acceptance and love then you will at first attract those that need those lessons, but once you have learned those lessons yourself you will attract those people and things that have already learned those same lessons or that do not require such lessons or who require your polarity about these things in order for them to be able to break their re-learning pattern, hence you are now finding more synchronicity too, because you have broken the pattern of negative repetition caused by ego bias towards control and separation.

So potentially once you start encountering more and more things and people that are the way you are and you are on a positively polarizing path, then at some point you are probably going to match in so many positive qualities and about so fundamentally important things in life that you should be able to harmonize totally in that bliss and depth you are discovering and that I think would yield a lot of joy, finding that sweet spot and finding people and things that are so much attracted by that same thing. And I think this could very well be leading you to meeting your soul mate in a very natural way, because you find what you are looking for in each other and you are attracted to the same kinds of experiences because you need/seek for similar kinds of catalysts in order to keep polarizing and achieving new wonderful dreams as spirits.

I think there is great potential in this, instead of getting stuck with the ego and having to make new attempts at learning the same thing, never to get anywhere with it and getting frustrated, you simply just learn what you need to learn, experience what you need to experience and then experience totally new things.

Technically one can practice this step by step, you do not have to become a graduate for density harvest over night - life is meant to be lived. But when you find yourself in situations when your ego grabs you, it could be simple things like not showing that you like someone, or not saying that you appreciate something that someone did, or not spontaneously sharing something that you love, then it could be worth looking at the catalyst opportunity instead and simply just act on the service to others path in these situations followed by accepting whatever is the outcome of that, as being exactly what you need to experience exactly then, to be on the optimal path and to feel excited about what's happening next.

[betoobig]

Thanks Whitelove, your ports helped me a lot.
Thanks Nenosema i love the painting, is it yours???
LOVE

Juan