My experience with Schizophrenia

[suzzycowgirl]

I live and work on this dairy farm with my mom and step dad. Mostly my step dad is more a guru to me than a parent and over the years we have attained a high level of conscious awareness together. My biological father, however, is having his mental problems and mostly I go and live with him to help him out mentally as well as do a little work on the horse farm he owns.

This winter my bio father and I got into an argument and I left the ranch and found an apartment and started doing some part time work at McDonalds to make ends meet. Now I'm a very spiritual person and spend a lot of time meditating. Even at the best of times I don't have a lot of attachment to the material world or what most people call the real world. Then one day I found I couldn't break my" trance like" meditative state and was unable to interact with the reality that used to be me. I could view my real world as though I was looking through a thick distorted glass, but I couldn't make contact with it. Now I was able to overcome my fear of death and stay calm but I felt I was trapped on this astral plane type of existence which made me feel very isolated.

Then I became aware of another presence and when it touched my mind I knew it to be my step dad. He was able to leave the material plane and find me here in never never land. He told me that what was happening to me usually happened to someone just before the soul left the illusion of personality and body behind and reincarnated. He thought in my case I would eventually gain control of my body again without going through the messy process of death. In the meantime he explained that my soul was running my body for the purpose of healing my dad which is what I came here to do. In a sense I was a willing victim. And through his mind I could see what was happening to my body on my material plane of existence.

It seems my bio father decided that I needed psychiatric help and got a lawyer who got a judge to sign a paper allowing my father to come and take me to the funny farm with the help of two policemen. For about a week he showed up at my apartment with the two policemen to drag me away to a mental health facility. But I was never there at the same time the police were, and I was able to elude being captured for awhile.

But eventually I was caught and taken away to the funny farm. I spent a couple of weeks there before they let me go into the loving care of my bio-father. He kept me there as his pet.

Some people call this experience Schizophrenia. I do admit that the lines between fantasy and reality are not sharp for me but blend into one another. I also believe that fantasy is only fantasy until someone lives it out and makes it real. Now the doctors and my bio father gave me a story called Schizophrenia but it was a sad story that I refused to live out and make real. Instead I wrote my own story, which I am living out and finding meaning in. I feel anyone can do this if they can look deep enough inside themselves and bring who they really are to the surface.

[Cristi Copac]

finding explanations for what you feel and sense is the only thing that could make you not kill yourself. the info in the alternative community can always make you fulfill your purpose. sanity is an important word here. listen to the body .he connects you the the physiscal reality. i recomend a very good spiritual healer kablan from the oranum site.

it might also help you to see the interview with inelia benz and her story especially when she was a child and how she intepreted the body.

[regnak]

sad story suzzycowgirl :bearhug:

[suzzycowgirl]

thanks for the advise simbad. I realize the mental illness is a real danger to the spiritual person.

¤=[Post Update]=¤

thanks for the comment jonsnow, sometimes the tunnel gets very dark before you come to the light.

[Cristi Copac]

my belief is that there are 2 types of mental illnesses. social norm illnesses and the real mental illness. the one where you think of what you don't want most of the time and you don't have control over what you think or say or do. by healing the latter you will be able to function normally in society and protect yourself from stupidity, lack of information, real psychopaths desguised as normal people, or normal people who don't understand you. the answer is always a quest for answers for fundamental questions in life and arriving at core beliefs . find what you do like the most , what puts you in a child like curiosity and happiness and you will grow again.let that you like define you and all the other questions and answers be secondary to that. by the way ...cash is king.

[Daughter of Time]

I have had many, many, many unusual experiences which I'm still struggling to understand. So, I'm sorry if I cannot offer any profound insights into your experiences.

Do be grateful that you spent only two weeks in an asylum. Things could have turned out far worse and they could have kept you there, shot full of drugs, and you could have lost your mind and your sense of who you are, never to regain it! You escaped that horrible fate! Congratulations! Be happy about that.

Do be careful about who you communicate your experiences to. Make sure you fully trust them before you speak of your paranormal experiences. As you have learned, your own father ended up committing you. This doesn't mean he wanted to harm you. He acted from his own level of consciousness, which is not fully cognizant of what is right and what is wrong. You must fully trust someone before you open up that side of you which only some will understand.

It is good you are here at Avalon at this point in your existence. Here you can divulge everything and you will not be judged. Most will understand you even if they cannot, like myself, offer concrete help.

Also, you are anonymous. No one knows who you are or where you live so no one can point a finger at you.

Tell your stories. It will help you to share your experiences. It will help you to understand who you are.

Love and healing,

Daughter of Time

[suzzycowgirl]

Hey simbad, Periodically my intellect and ego break down, sometimes I give my consent to it and sometimes it happens on it's own. Either way there is always a problem or danger in my life that only my soul can deal with. It took a lot of getting used to but eventually this condition became a positive experience in my life.

Well I took a big bite of the poisoned apple and am feeling myself slipping away. My intellect and ego love the taste of this apple but the poison is making the walls of this virtual reality close in on me and only a pin hole of light remains at the end of the tunnel I find myself in. That pin hole of light is the real world which I am finding myself shot into.

I find myself falling in this tunnel toward the light like Alice falling in the rabbit hole. I'm experiencing the sensation of falling with no bottom in sight. The ego and the intellect scream and conjour up images of death but the real me keeps on falling. Finally at some point God will reach out his hand to catch me and turn the lie I can't live with into truth.

Until that time I leave behind this empty shell until the kiss of truth brings me back.

[suzzycowgirl]

Wow Daughter of Time, Your compassion is a strong healing element. Thank you. I do know they were trying to break me in the hospital so they could put me back together again in their image. They failed and I became stronger for the experience. Here is a poem I wrote after I left the hospital. I know you are a person I can trust.

At some point in my life I became aware of the seed of God deep in my being. I nurtured this seed with thoughts and actions of love and peace and truth and freedom. I protected this seed from the attacks of the world and never betrayed the integrity of it’s being.


As the years went by I discovered that most of the people around me had either sold their seed to the highest bidder or had fed it thoughts and actions motivated by fear until it withered and died.


Finally after finding out that I could not be bought or scared into submission, the world decided to erase me. But by this time the seed of God had become my main reason for being and I fought a long hard battle to protect it. Alas I was overwhelmed by superior odds and was trampled to death.


But lo and behold I found out there is no death. And when I looked inside my being to the place where the seed of God was planted, in its stead was a magnificent, radiant tree. The minions of the world attacked the tree with their machines and weapons only to find out their weapons were useless and their machines broke down. So at the end of the siege the little egos of the world took their broken toys and left.


It was then I realized I was not the trampled ego lying in the dirt but the magnificent, radiant tree with roots sunk deep in Mother Earth for sustenance. I no longer needed the world but now the world needed me.

[Cristi Copac]

well you want a little bit of fun. but you know there is a chance that life after death is not a reality. so push it as far as the soul wants to grow and bring yourself back . ego and intelect and body.... the body never lies. if you want to live focus on what the body wants and feels. if you want a wierd way of fun ... then go into the tunnel as you call it. there is indeed a pleasure in a damness , a pleasure in disaster. that pleasure is a good thing. it's for the spirit to grow and for the body to survive in harsh conditions but unless you go back to a normal life you will have done anything. learn to understand what you want and why.
you can have your own funeral ceremony by pretending that you are dead and try to stand still . imagine that you are dead and that life is gone and the people that you know barry you. stay in that moment for as long as you want. anaylise the life that you lived now that all is over. find good things that you have done and that you liked. be your own judge. in total death be your own judge. you need to die but not the body, the spirit has to die a little bit. the spirit needs to die in order to regrow in the same body. it's a normal process for everyone who experiences hard core stuff. but i would certainly like if what i'm telling you works for you also.


Near a low foothill
At Heaven’s doorsill,
Where the trail’s descending
To the plain and ending,
Here three shepherds keep
Their three flocks of sheep,
One, Moldavian,
One, Transylvanian
And one, Vrancean.
Now, the Vrancean
And the Transylvanian
In their thoughts, conniving,
Have laid plans, contriving
At the close of day
To ambush and slay
The Moldavian;
He, the wealthier one,
Had more flocks to keep,
Handsome, long-horned sheep,
Horses, trained and sound,
And the fiercest hounds.
One small ewe-lamb, though,
Dappled gray as tow,
While three full days passed
Bleated loud and fast;
Would not touch the grass.
”Ewe-lamb, dapple-gray,
Muzzled black and gray,
While three full days passed
You bleat loud and fast;
Don’t you like this grass?
Are you too sick to eat,
Little lamb so sweet?”
”Oh my master dear,
Drive the flock out near
That field, dark to view,
Where the grass grows new,
Where there’s shade for you.
”Master, master dear,
Call a large hound near,
A fierce one and fearless,
Strong, loyal and peerless.
The Transylvanian
And the Vrancean
When the daylight’s through
Mean to murder you.”
”Lamb, my little ewe,
If this omen’s true,
If I’m doomed to death
On this tract of heath,
Tell the Vrancean
And Transylvanian
To let my bones lie
Somewhere here close by,
By the sheepfold here
So my flocks are near,
Back of my hut’s grounds
So I’ll hear my hounds.
Tell them what I say:
There, beside me lay
One small pipe of beech


Whith its soft, sweet speech,
One small pipe of bone
Whit its loving tone,
One of elderwood,
Fiery-tongued and good.
Then the winds that blow
Would play on them so
All my listening sheep
Would draw near and weep
Tears, no blood so deep.
How I met my death,
Tell them not a breath;
Say I could not tarry,
I have gone to marry
A princess – my bride
Is the whole world’s pride.
At my wedding, tell
How a bright star fell,
Sun and moon came down
To hold my bridal crown,
Firs and maple trees
Were my guests; my priests
Were the mountains high;
Fiddlers, birds that fly,
All birds of the sky;
Torchlights, stars on high.
But if you see there,
Should you meet somewhere,
My old mother, little,
With her white wool girdle,
Eyes with their tears flowing,
Over the plains going,
Asking one and all,
Saying to them all,
’Who has ever known,
Who has seen my own
Shepherd fine to see,
Slim as a willow tree,
With his dear face, bright
As the milk-foam, white,
His small moustache, right
As the young wheat’s ear,
With his hair so dear,
Like plumes of the crow
Little eyes that glow
Like the ripe black sloe?’
Ewe-lamb, small and pretty,
For her sake have pity,
Let it just be said
I have gone to wed
A princess most noble
There on Heaven’s doorsill.
To that mother, old,
Let it not be told
That a star fell, bright,
For my bridal night;
Firs and maple trees
Were my guests, priests
Were the mountains high;
Fiddlers, birds that fly,
All birds of the sky;
Torchlights, stars on high.”


this is the national romanian poetry expressing exactly this death of the soul. comentators now don't know their true menaning of why old people use to have 1500 variants of it. i know exactly why. it gives you power and make you regret what you haven't done in this life and when you will wake up from the mental coffin you will be reborn and much much stronger.

[suzzycowgirl]

dear simbad, I know where you've been. Your ego got killed and you walked around with death on your shoulder like a parrot. You pushed death away with all your might thinking you were protecting your body. I was there where everyday death was in my consciousness. I didn't push her away or embrace her. Then one day love found me and she disappeared.

[Cristi Copac]

i did not push death away . i accepted it and i will continue to accept it when there is nothing that i can do anymore. life is constructed on death and disaster and pain and foreverwill be this way. truth doesn't kill you even the harshest truth. truth can kill only when you lie.
wish you the best.

by the way. in reality death can come from:
1 disease
2 accident
3 murder
4 suicide.

there are many different types of deaths.
be specific when you speak about bad things.
by the way i am really fond of cows. i have a deep connection with them more then with any
other animal.
they licked my hair when i was a child, i like their calmness,their power, their moo, their stupidity (funny) and their simplicity and how they chew grass and of course the milk.

[suzzycowgirl]

Well we found common ground here, we both like cows, lol take care

[Cristi Copac]

i did not have a mental illness but i did have a wierd illness that damaged my body and the fact that i could not explain what i was going through was a very mind ****ing disaster. it also affected my nervous system( i could feel burning, and itching, and watery feelings inside the whole body and the head) and my mind started to believe that i was indeed insane and instead on focusing on finding solutions it concentrated on very very bad things from a healing perspective. but now i know what i got sick in the first place. it is called human stupidity(not mine). i don't want to tell more about my reality but with what i know today there have never been a problem in the first place.

[suzzycowgirl]

Well the fact that you are relating to me on here leads me to think you have made great strides in over coming your problem

[Mercedes]

Wow Daughter of Time, Your compassion is a strong healing element. Thank you. I do know they were trying to break me in the hospital so they could put me back together again in their image. They failed and I became stronger for the experience. Here is a poem I wrote after I left the hospital. I know you are a person I can trust.

At some point in my life I became aware of the seed of God deep in my being. I nurtured this seed with thoughts and actions of love and peace and truth and freedom. I protected this seed from the attacks of the world and never betrayed the integrity of it’s being.


As the years went by I discovered that most of the people around me had either sold their seed to the highest bidder or had fed it thoughts and actions motivated by fear until it withered and died.


Finally after finding out that I could not be bought or scared into submission, the world decided to erase me. But by this time the seed of God had become my main reason for being and I fought a long hard battle to protect it. Alas I was overwhelmed by superior odds and was trampled to death.


But lo and behold I found out there is no death. And when I looked inside my being to the place where the seed of God was planted, in its stead was a magnificent, radiant tree. The minions of the world attacked the tree with their machines and weapons only to find out their weapons were useless and their machines broke down. So at the end of the siege the little egos of the world took their broken toys and left.


It was then I realized I was not the trampled ego lying in the dirt but the magnificent, radiant tree with roots sunk deep in Mother Earth for sustenance. I no longer needed the world but now the world needed me.

Thank you, it touches the spirit. You are powerful. :heart:

[suzzycowgirl]

Thanks Mercedes, You must be powerful yourself to feel the power in this poem. Sweet!

[Cristi Copac]

http://www.jeffpolachek.com/areyoutargeted-com/61-ayt-articles/338-ayt-if-you-fail-this-test-you-re-not-schizophrenic

do you really have this ?

[suzzycowgirl]

my intellect and ego fall away sometimes and I see reality

[Cristi Copac]

intelect and ego are very important tools for reality . you say that they need to fell off?

[suzzycowgirl]

I just learned the other day that when you get in touch with your God Self and let her out to play, you also release the God Selves of the people in your world. I always thought this was a great and wonderful experience filled with joy. So I could never understand why almost everyone is very reluctant to let their God Self come to the surface. The answer, of course, is because as the God Self rises to the surface, She takes control away from the intellect and ego and shines Her light of truth into the dark places of the personality and exposes the ego and intellect as usurpers to the thrown of the kingdom of God. So this explains why there is so much fear and pain as you let your God Self come out to play. Most people are very attached to their ego and intellect and when I meet someone or even write my blogs, people can feel the stirring of their God Self crossing the lines that their ego and intellect have worked so hard all their lives to lay down. And so the un-spoken and un-written agreement is, "Let's not disturb our God Selves." But I find that once the God Self is out of the bag, it's impossible to stuff Her back in again. And I find the longer She stays on the surface, the stronger She becomes and the more the little egos and intellects of the world become afraid of Her. I guess, dear friends, this is just part of our evolving nature. The cry of the ego is might is right and the cry of the intellect is the smart should dominate the stupid. But it's in among the weak and stupid that this God Self is most likely to be brought forth into this world.

[Cristi Copac]

it seems to me that you are in the state past the trauma and into conviction and new religion. it's ok . i'm glad and happy for you .**** confusion and relativism .but do you think you can handle an attack on your core beliefs? would it help you if i do that?
it seems that you come out of the trauma with a very familiar christian moral. the one about stupid and weak and of course with one single god .

i think this applies to the whole universe.
the physical weak become wizard masters in order to compensate the loss on the physical plane. but stupidity ... that dies the fastest and in the spiritual plane also.
stupidity the way i define it is about the lack of understanding.
by the way i met a schizophrenic once and i spoke to him about mathematics and he denied pure logic. do you have any problems with math?

[Valley]

I love your story of courage, strength, and perseverance... See you as a fine example of how to find healing in difficult circumstances and as a pioneer in connecting with higher ways of being. It feels like you're anchored in Love and know that this is 'where it's at'... Beautiful to behold! :sun:
Blessings...

[suzzycowgirl]

hey simbad, I really don't care how you play this game. All I know is that we are sharing energy to heighten our conscious awareness. I'm sure once your ego heals enough to take control again, it will stop you from relating to this crazy girl, lol

[SabreToothMom]

http://www.jeffpolachek.com/areyoutargeted-com/61-ayt-articles/338-ayt-if-you-fail-this-test-you-re-not-schizophrenic

do you really have this ?

That is amazing. Try as I might, I can't see it as hollow. I will have to show this to my middle son, who I have concerns about. See how he sees it.

[suzzycowgirl]

Lovely reply Vally, You are very beautiful yourself.

[suzzycowgirl]

Hey SabreToothMom, thanks for stopping by

[SabreToothMom]

Hey SabreToothMom, thanks for stopping by

Hey there, no problem!

edited to add:

I may not have had that particular label thrown at me but I've been accused of things ranging from Aspergers to Borderline Personality Disorder, Depression, Anxiety, you name it. They're full of it, they just wanted to medicate me, which made me a passive sheep. Not doing that anymore. Since quitting meds 12 yearss ago and getting my act together (for me that meant cutting out alcohol 100% and going all organic, etc) I can think so much mroe clearly it's not even funny. I could list all the meds they had me on for years and the bottom line is that I was sabotaging myself by acting the way I was, telling doctors the things I was, filling the prescriptions, and swallowing those pills willingly. I was able to exercise more self control but chose not to, I realize now. I was largely unfulfilled and bored. I should have focused that energy elsewhere instead of scrutinizing myself with other people's standards.

There is a time and place for mental health treatment, but I find that it's grossly overblown and people are grossly overtreated.

just my opinion.

[Cristi Copac]

that might be a possibility....:Angel:

[suzzycowgirl]

I agree STM, I was forced to take meds in the hospital but stopped as soon as I got out. Drugs can take you to the mountain top but they will never show you how to climb the mountain for yourself. I'm glad you pulled out of that bad scene.

[Selkie]

http://www.jeffpolachek.com/areyoutargeted-com/61-ayt-articles/338-ayt-if-you-fail-this-test-you-re-not-schizophrenic

do you really have this ?

Does anyone know why schizophrenics fail the test?

[suzzycowgirl]

that might be a possibility....:Angel:

you're cute!

[suzzycowgirl]

Does anyone know why schizophrenics fail the test?

Nope I don't thanks for stopping by Silkie

[SabreToothMom]

I agree STM, I was forced to take meds in the hospital but stopped as soon as I got out. Drugs can take you to the mountain top but they will never show you how to climb the mountain for yourself. I'm glad you pulled out of that bad scene.

Drugs sure never brought me to any mountaintop at any point over the course of the ten years I was medicated. But then again I had my DNA tested and then had my SNPs evaluated and it turns out my liver doesn't process most medications hardly at all so the half-life is far extended for me, so the toxicity buildup caused all of the issues from day one that each subsequent medication was given to try to "solve".

Such is life. It's good to be older and to know better.

(as an itneresting aside, my DNA shows that my maternal haplogroup is a rather rare one.. I had people clamoring to get my entire genomic sequence because this one isn't in the databases... so I published it feely and donated it to those compiling the databases. Since coming to PA I've begun to feel this was perhaps not a good move. But in the long run I have nothing to hide and nothing to fear, because beings of light always win.)

[suzzycowgirl]

Drugs sure never brought me to any mountaintop at any point over the course of the ten years I was medicated. But then again I had my DNA tested and then had my SNPs evaluated and it turns out my liver doesn't process most medications hardly at all so the half-life is far extended for me, so the toxicity buildup caused all of the issues from day one that each subsequent medication was given to try to "solve".

Such is life. It's good to be older and to know better.

(as an itneresting aside, my DNA shows that my maternal haplogroup is a rather rare one.. I had people clamoring to get my entire genomic sequence because this one isn't in the databases... so I published it feely and donated it to those compiling the databases. Since coming to PA I've begun to feel this was perhaps not a good move. But in the long run I have nothing to hide and nothing to fear, because beings of light always win.)
I always felt doctors are always experimenting on patients, they pretend to know what they are doing but mostly it's just guess work. Staying away from them is my best line of defense.

[Selkie]

Does anyone know why schizophrenics fail the test?

Nope I don't thanks for stopping by Silkie
This sounds very plausible

https://www.ucl.ac.uk/news/news-articles/news-releases-archive/hollowmask


an addition If you read to the end of the article, you'll notice that they make a link between how the brain functions in schizophrenia and how the brain functions on pot. It is interesting that in another thread, here,

http://projectavalon.net/forum4/showthread.php?82090-I-hear-voices-is-it-schizophrenia&p=959559&viewfull=1#post959559

several people make the connection between pot and schizophrenia.

[prc]

As I said on the other thread about schizophrenia. I have a family member with it and he does take a medicine called GEODON produced by PFIZER that helps to ground him (its not too much) and he can work and lead a normal life and it has not interfered with his spiritual side. If you ever feel the need to be grounded to cope with reality I would strongly advise you to take the same drug.

[Cristi Copac]

for how long did he take it?

[suzzycowgirl]

hi prc, Thanks for you concern, if I ever feel I need drugs I'll keep this in mind.

[suzzycowgirl]

for how long did he take it?

I guess you mean my bio father. I walked out the door after less than a week. I had to find out for sure whether I was on a spiritual path or crazy like everyone thought. Anyway this is what I did;

I left my biological dad in Massachusetts and with a backpack full of all my belongings I started walking down the road. I really didn’t feel I could go back to the farm in Pennsylvania with everyone thinking I was crazy. My step dad knew where I was coming from but you can never just go and physically be with him. In order to reach him, you have to expand your consciousness to his level. And that was exactly what I planned to do or die trying. So I started hitch-hiking to up state New York which is about 300 miles from where I was standing at the moment. I had heard there were lots of apple orchards there and I felt it wouldn’t be hard to get a job picking fruit. After all I was carrying around this official crazy label now so chances are I wasn’t going to make it big in the corporate world. Besides I had done some fruit picking and really liked the purity of the job. You just get paid for the amount of fruit you picked, no fancy resume required.



So I started hitch-hiking and got a ride right away. But by this time it was getting late and the driver asked if I had a place to stay for the night. I told him I had a tent which I could pitch just about anywhere. But he insisted I come home with him and eat something and then he would take me to a beautiful beach where I could pitch my tent. Of course I was scared, but figured my life was in the hands of God at this point so I agreed. So true to his word I found myself in his house, just me and him, eating a meal. I wasn’t really afraid of him or what he might do to me. I’m really good at picking up where people are at and he was just a normal guy. But to my surprise, I found myself very upset because I was lost. I didn’t know how to get back to the main highway and it was freaking me out. I really couldn’t tell if this guy was going to bring me back to the highway again. But he did bring me to the beach as promised, and it was a beautiful site to pitch my tent. I finally got rid of my fear of being lost by realizing my destination of picking fruit was pretty flimsy at best, so I decided I would rethink my destination in the morning if he didn’t show up and bring me to where I could continue my trip.



He did show up the next morning and took me to the entrance of the toll road I needed to take in order to get to the orchards I was traveling to. Unfortunately, they didn’t allow hitch-hikers on the toll road so I had to try to hitch a ride in front of the toll booth where people had to pay to enter this highway. I was standing in back of a sign where someone had spray painted the words,” No rides out of hell hole.” At first I thought it was amusing but after about 5 hours of thumbing, with night time setting in, I understood exactly what the author of this message was telling me. I found some bushes near by and pitched my tent and hoped for better luck in the morning.


But the next day was the same. No ride after another 5 or 6 hours. Finally I snapped and started hitch-hiking in the opposite direction with absolutely no idea as to where I was going. Now I figured this is insanity taking me over again and driving me over the edge into the abyss. Then a truck stopped and I got in and the driver asked me where I was going. That was the most difficult question anyone has ever asked me up to this point. He could see I was having trouble answering him so he told me he was going on the toll road but in the opposite direction that I was trying to go in. So I asked him if he could just get me past the toll booths so I could start hitching from the highway itself. He said sure and after paying his toll, he dropped me off on the road and I crossed over to the other side to continue my journey to find God. If a police car happened by, I would be picked up and made to pay a fine, but instead a car stopped and picked me up and brought me all the way to where I wanted to be,

It was at this point that I realized that when my will, ego, and intellect failed me, I didn’t descend into insanity. Something else stepped in and put me on the path I wanted to follow. I realized I had truly touched the mind of the God I was looking to find.

[prc]

Since 2007 till these days

[suzzycowgirl]

Since 2007 till these days

The story goes on if anyone is interested. I don't like to write like this into the void.

[Flash]

I find this thread peculiarly interesting.

Here a duplicate of a post I wrote in the Here and now thread. I think it is Worth to have it here too.

Happy mother's day everyone who is a mother at heart.

Very interesting video regarding illusions and most probably how we can be manipulated - explaining as well the necessity for heavy programmation through media for manipulating the brain - , note that schizophrenics see right through the illusion


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QbKw0_v2clo

link to the thread on schizophrenia

https://www.youtube.com/watch?t=104&v=QbKw0_v2clo

The most interesting here is that maybe the dysfunctional brain of schizophrenics is is fact dysfunctioning in our environments because of impairment in the reorganisation of the information received by the brain, in fact, they would end up with raw data and not be able to organise it. Which in turn could be very rich in true information, if we could tap into their views and translate it in workable information. They have the raw data it seems.

¤=[Post Update]=¤



Since 2007 till these days

The story goes on if anyone is interested. I don't like to write like this into the void.

you are not writing in the void. Of course, some of us are interested.

[suzzycowgirl]

Hi Flash, Thanks for the encouragement. I'll continue my story but first I'd like to post here one of my favorite stories. I believe everything out there is just a reflection of your own mind. I also believe that our minds are capable of functioning at a very high level as well as a very low level. I read this when I want to clear my mind of limitations'


Finding Babaji

On another occasion Babaji’s sacred circle was disturbed by the arrival of a stranger. He had climbed with astonishing skill to the nearly inaccessible ledge near the camp of the master.

“‘Sir, you must be the great Babaji.’ The man’s face was lit with inexpressible reverence. ‘For months I have pursued a ceaseless search for you among these forbidding crags. I implore you to accept me as a disciple.’

“When the great guru made no response, the man pointed to the rocky chasm at his feet.

“‘If you refuse me, I will jump from this mountain. Life has no further value if I cannot win your guidance to the Divine.’

“‘Jump then,’ Babaji said unemotionally. ‘I cannot accept you in your present state of development.’

“The man immediately hurled himself over the cliff. Babaji instructed his shocked disciples to fetch the stranger’s body. When they returned with the mangled form, the master placed his divine hand on the dead man. Lo! he opened his eyes and prostrated himself humbly before the omnipotent one.

“‘You are now ready for discipleship.’ Babaji beamed lovingly on his resurrected chela. ‘You have courageously passed a difficult test. Death shall not touch you again; now you are one of our immortal flock.’ Then he spoke his usual words of departure, ‘Dera danda uthao’; the whole group vanished from the mountain.

[Cristi Copac]

no damaged health as a result?

[suzzycowgirl]

no damaged health as a result?

Maybe I'm damaged, maybe I'm enlightened.


So I arrived in Alton, New York on the banks of Lake Ontario not really knowing where to go to find apple orchards. Then I came to the Alton unemployment office and went in to see if they could help. Well the guy I saw just wanted me to fill out a bunch of forms but wouldn’t tell me where they were hiring pickers at any of the orchards in the area. Then as I was leaving, he finally relented and told me there were lots of orchards around the shore of the lake. So I hitched up to the lake where there was a beautiful beach and started my quest to find gainful employment.

All day I went walking and hitch-hiking around to the various orchards in the area but they all were hiring Jamaican pickers and would only hire me if they ran short of pickers. Each night I would return to the beach on the lake and lick my wounds. I knew time was running out for me. I had to plug into the system very soon. On the surface of things it looked like I had no hope, but inside myself I felt strongly I was in the right place at the right time. This is the point where I had to materialize in order to stop the world from doing its’ crazy chick number on me again.

So the next morning I got a ride but the driver wasn’t going as far as I wanted to go so he left me off at a turn in the road. I started thumbing again but noticed I was standing in front of another apple orchard so I left the road and went over to find the owner. As it so happened, a few of his Jamaican pickers didn’t show up and so he hired me on the spot. He said I could camp out in his woods and showed me where I could start picking. This circumstance was proof to me, beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was materializing my world from the inside out. I spent some lovely days picking apples and camping out. Once in awhile the owner would show up and yell at me if he thought I wasn’t picking fast enough because by this time I had a strong tendency to fall back into myself instead of bringing my energy to the surface. And so I forced myself to come to the surface and found I had the energy I needed to pick apples as fast as I needed to. I was doing so good that I asked the owner if I could move into one of his cabins that he had for the pickers and he said he had a single cabin I could have for the season.

So I moved into my new cabin surrounded by Jamaicans. There was a stove and refrigerator, heat and even a shed out back where I could take a hot shower. I was very aware of the fact that my mind was putting my world back together again to satisfy my needs in the way I had become accustom to. At this point I took nothing for granted.

The Jamaicans came to visit me and some were idiots but some were very consciously aware. All were in excellent physical condition. For the most part they liked me and thought I was a colorful addition to their camp situation. One day I went over to another cabin to find out something from the guy who lived there. And to my surprise, a Jamaican woman answered the door and invited me in. I wasn’t sure of the relationship she had with the guy living there but asked her to tell him I wanted to see him and started to leave. She told me there was no need to go and wanted me to stay for coffee. So I did and started to settle in for some girl talk. But the vibration was all wrong. For one thing she only had on a T-shirt and panties which I thought was a little odd for her to wear when entertaining someone she only met for the first time. And for another thing the small talk I was trying to start never really got off the ground. Instead I felt this attraction for her that I’ve only experience a few times with guys. And then it hit me. She was in the camp to make money off of the Jamaican guys through her sexual appeal, which at the moment, I found, very strong even though I didn’t realize I could go both ways before this moment.

But I had fought too hard and long for the energy I was using to survive and wasn’t about to give it away to this chick for a little pleasure. I heard later that a few of the guys were giving away their whole pay checks to her for her favors. I felt sorry for them and felt a little guilty about being part of the female gender.

[Innocent Warrior]

Hi suzzycowgirl :wave:


Maybe I'm damaged, maybe I'm enlightened.

Reminds me of a great song, hope you enjoy.

bd2B6SjMh_w

[shadowstalker]

suzzycowgirl, please check out Solaris Blueraven (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o4NU0PrYA6U), and her books. Her show. (https://www.youtube.com/user/Medusastorm001)

[suzzycowgirl]

Reminds me of a great song, hope you enjoy.

YES Great song, I looked up the lyrics and had to smile

[suzzycowgirl]

suzzycowgirl, please check out Solaris Blueraven (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o4NU0PrYA6U), and her books. Her show. (https://www.youtube.com/user/Medusastorm001)

Thanks for the link. I think keeping a low profile, for me, helps to keep me grounded. This forum is about as public as I get and still I am aware of the fact that the world is mostly not user friendly to this sort of thinking.

[shadowstalker]

suzzycowgirl, please check out Solaris Blueraven (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o4NU0PrYA6U), and her books. Her show. (https://www.youtube.com/user/Medusastorm001)

Thanks for the link. I think keeping a low profile, for me, helps to keep me grounded. This forum is about as public as I get and still I am aware of the fact that the world is mostly not user friendly to this sort of thinking.

There are places on this site where it is private (Members Only) you can post such things.
Ask a mod to place this thread where it would fit best.

[suzzycowgirl]

There are places on this site where it is private (Members Only) you can post such things.
Ask a mod to place this thread where it would fit best.

Your right about the fact that the degree of exposure is an important element when dealing with this kind of subject. But I can't give this responsibility to a mod. I have been led here by inner guidance for whatever reason.

[Mini Flash]

I live and work on this dairy farm with my mom and step dad. Mostly my step dad is more a guru to me than a parent and over the years we have attained a high level of conscious awareness together. My biological father, however, is having his mental problems and mostly I go and live with him to help him out mentally as well as do a little work on the horse farm he owns.

This winter my bio father and I got into an argument and I left the ranch and found an apartment and started doing some part time work at McDonalds to make ends meet. Now I'm a very spiritual person and spend a lot of time meditating. Even at the best of times I don't have a lot of attachment to the material world or what most people call the real world. Then one day I found I couldn't break my" trance like" meditative state and was unable to interact with the reality that used to be me. I could view my real world as though I was looking through a thick distorted glass, but I couldn't make contact with it. Now I was able to overcome my fear of death and stay calm but I felt I was trapped on this astral plane type of existence which made me feel very isolated.

Then I became aware of another presence and when it touched my mind I knew it to be my step dad. He was able to leave the material plane and find me here in never never land. He told me that what was happening to me usually happened to someone just before the soul left the illusion of personality and body behind and reincarnated. He thought in my case I would eventually gain control of my body again without going through the messy process of death. In the meantime he explained that my soul was running my body for the purpose of healing my dad which is what I came here to do. In a sense I was a willing victim. And through his mind I could see what was happening to my body on my material plane of existence.

It seems my bio father decided that I needed psychiatric help and got a lawyer who got a judge to sign a paper allowing my father to come and take me to the funny farm with the help of two policemen. For about a week he showed up at my apartment with the two policemen to drag me away to a mental health facility. But I was never there at the same time the police were, and I was able to elude being captured for awhile.

But eventually I was caught and taken away to the funny farm. I spent a couple of weeks there before they let me go into the loving care of my bio-father. He kept me there as his pet.

Some people call this experience Schizophrenia. I do admit that the lines between fantasy and reality are not sharp for me but blend into one another. I also believe that fantasy is only fantasy until someone lives it out and makes it real. Now the doctors and my bio father gave me a story called Schizophrenia but it was a sad story that I refused to live out and make real. Instead I wrote my own story, which I am living out and finding meaning in. I feel anyone can do this if they can look deep enough inside themselves and bring who they really are to the surface.

Thanks you very much for this tread.. Believe it or not, you actually helped me to feel better :)

[Flash]

Hi Flash, Thanks for the encouragement. I'll continue my story but first I'd like to post here one of my favorite stories. I believe everything out there is just a reflection of your own mind. I also believe that our minds are capable of functioning at a very high level as well as a very low level. I read this when I want to clear my mind of limitations'


Finding Babaji

On another occasion Babaji’s sacred circle was disturbed by the arrival of a stranger. He had climbed with astonishing skill to the nearly inaccessible ledge near the camp of the master.

“‘Sir, you must be the great Babaji.’ The man’s face was lit with inexpressible reverence. ‘For months I have pursued a ceaseless search for you among these forbidding crags. I implore you to accept me as a disciple.’

“When the great guru made no response, the man pointed to the rocky chasm at his feet.

“‘If you refuse me, I will jump from this mountain. Life has no further value if I cannot win your guidance to the Divine.’

“‘Jump then,’ Babaji said unemotionally. ‘I cannot accept you in your present state of development.’

“The man immediately hurled himself over the cliff. Babaji instructed his shocked disciples to fetch the stranger’s body. When they returned with the mangled form, the master placed his divine hand on the dead man. Lo! he opened his eyes and prostrated himself humbly before the omnipotent one.

“‘You are now ready for discipleship.’ Babaji beamed lovingly on his resurrected chela. ‘You have courageously passed a difficult test. Death shall not touch you again; now you are one of our immortal flock.’ Then he spoke his usual words of departure, ‘Dera danda uthao’; the whole group vanished from the mountain.

I love Babaji, he is a real great being. Thank you

[suzzycowgirl]

Thanks you very much for this tread.. Believe it or not, you actually helped me to feel better :)

Sharing energy with you makes me feel better too.

[suzzycowgirl]

I love Babaji, he is a real great being. Thank you

Wow I guess we're on the same page here. Amazing!