I need a lot of light right now. I need help.

[Trail]

Hi all,

First time I call out for help but I'm at the end of my wits..

My relationship just broke up, we have two small kids of 2.5 and 4.5 years old who need a father.

She does not want to work on our relationship anymore, and in fact is already focusing on someone else who just came into her life the 10th of may.

I called that guy and asked him to give us a break because I really want to work on our relationship for ourselves and our kids.. he said he was already backing of because he didn't want to come in the middle of things.. and that our kids need a father.. so he would stop his advancements..

I actually saw the light.. instead of 3d yes no bickering I went back to the emotion of meeting her and being in love.. then found the spot where I stopped that.. because she had hurt me so much I closed off.. a spiritual friend put a mirror before me and told me that I was the one having power of my own reaction.. and it was my decision to close my heart and start playing 3d drama games.. I really know how to fix this since I was able to instantly compare the feeling/love we used to have with the crap we got to now.. sadly her bucket is full she sais and we are going to have to sell our house wich we bought 1 year ago..

Its so hard to take in for me.. after taking my own responsibility.. I want to fix it with my newly remembered power... Abraham hicks, Eckhart tolle, Neale Donald walsch style... gratefull for my friend to make it clear to me.. sad that it seems to be too late...

She seems to have her mind made up, and giving us no more chance.

I need so much light, I'm very down and out.. please pray/send healing/light for me/us/her/kids.. I see no light..

Thank you so much. :heart:
~Trail.

[Becky]

Oh Trail,
This is heartbreaking for you right now. There is light - there is always light, but you're in the shock and trauma part of the situation now so you just can't feel or see that you have hope and life will improve.
You're right to focus on the children and just try to enjoy the times you have with them while you let all the other feelings and emotions settle while the situation is resolved one way or another between you and your partner....but I know it's very hard right now to do this. If you do end up living your lives apart, you can still be the best dad you can to them. Children are resiliant and do have happy and well adjusted lives even if their parents are not still together. It's how you and your partner manage this situation for the kids that makes the difference. Sending loving healing light your way....big hugs,
Becky x

[Tesla_WTC_Solution]

Dear Trail, wishing you strength.

I logged in to post this because yesterday or day prior there was an article on the MSM news, about Beau Biden's passing away, and of course, his family life.

Apparently Joe Biden the US Vice President lost his wife very unexpectedly in a car accident very early in their marriage. To complicate it further one of their young kids also passed on following the crash (http://www.cnn.com/2015/05/30/politics/obit-vice-president-son-beau-biden/).

He went on to become a very strong single parent, his kids later talked him into looking around :) lmao


Joe Biden was sworn in as senator at his sons' hospital bedside a few weeks later, and according to the 1988 political biography "What It Takes," by Richard Ben Cramer, the first-term lawmaker threw himself headlong into single parenthood.

"Joe was the parent. Period. No confusion," Cramer wrote. "Joe didn't want anybody else raising his kids, thanks. He was there every night, every weekend. They had stories at bedtime, games of catch on the lawn, outings, trips, places to go."

Beau and Hunter encouraged their father to remarry, and in 1977 Jill Jacobs, now Jill Biden, wife of the vice president, became their stepmother.

"My mom came along -- I have two moms now -- who came along in 1977 and rebuilt our family, and helped my dad rebuild our family," Beau Biden told CNN in 2012. "She's an incredible mother."


May your future be very promising and full of hope.

[gripreaper]

I would get down on my knee and hang my head low and apologize and promise to change. I would cook the meals, wash the dishes, do the laundry, scrub the toilets, mow the lawn, wash the cars, and then I would take the kids to the park, read them stories, teach them things like gardening, how to ride a bike, etc.

If she wants to talk, you just LISTEN and nod. Keep your mouth shut. If she pushes your buttons, bow out gracefully and go take a walk until the energy clears. Just say "I'm hurting right now and I don't want to say anything that might hurt you or that I might regret. I need time to process."

I would give my wife space by sleeping on the couch and not asking her for anything. Then I would try and see if there is any karmic entanglements or other influences that are triggering old emotions from childhood or past lives, by seeking out counseling, or at the very least, Carol Clarke.

Give it your best shot Trail. The kids are worth it even if you have to live in hell for the next ten years, but whatever the discordant energy is, deal with it. You lead, you clear it in yourself, and the best possible outcome will happen, even if she still decides to leave.

[Olam]

All I can say is be there for the children, be all you are for them as they still love you as always.
I know you know this but its all I can offer....

[3(C)+me]

Most people hate endings, for some it implies failure or maybe what to do next because I really do not know literally what to do with myself because I have been part of this identity called a couple. But endings are just as natural as beginnings. If you really need to salvage this then I wish you luck. But If she really wants to move on I think the best thing to do is respect that, listen to her and attempt to put yourself in her shoes for a minute, don't let your ego take control and try to drive this into the ground or force things, for the times we are in will not support that.
Your hurting, very obvious but so is she and really now it would be a good idea to see what would be best for the kids.
Good luck and I send you love, strength and a good strong heart which will be helpful in times like these.

[robinr1]

man this sounds like absolutely horrible advice ...given what he posted in the opening thread.



I would get down on my knee and hang my head low and apologize and promise to change. I would cook the meals, wash the dishes, do the laundry, scrub the toilets, mow the lawn, wash the cars, and then I would take the kids to the park, read them stories, teach them things like gardening, how to ride a bike, etc.

If she wants to talk, you just LISTEN and nod. Keep your mouth shut. If she pushes your buttons, bow out gracefully and go take a walk until the energy clears. Just say "I'm hurting right now and I don't want to say anything that might hurt you or that I might regret. I need time to process."

I would give my wife space by sleeping on the couch and not asking her for anything. Then I would try and see if there is any karmic entanglements or other influences that are triggering old emotions from childhood or past lives, by seeking out counseling, or at the very least, Carol Clarke.

Give it your best shot Trail. The kids are worth it even if you have to live in hell for the next ten years, but whatever the discordant energy is, deal with it. You lead, you clear it in yourself, and the best possible outcome will happen, even if she still decides to leave.

[Innocent Warrior]

I am a Psych-k (https://www.psych-k.com) facilitator and offer my service as a gift to you, no fee for my service. Here's (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WOPPCSWzCiE) a demonstration of what I do. I've done the advanced and pro training, so I can facilitate from a distance. Feel free to PM me if you're interested in a private session. <3

Update: The balance in the demonstration is called a "new direction balance", there are other balances which involve balancing points in your body with energy, hence my offer.

All the best to you and your family.

[Knowrainknowrainbows!]

As you requested ... prayers and healing light are sent for all.

Focusing on the best possible outcome by taking one day, in fact one moment, at a time while reaching/talking to "your higher self" (yourself in the future who looks back to help you throughout all the challenging times in life) is what brings me through major life stressors.

Take care of your well-being first and foremost so you CAN be there for the little ones. Keep "it" simple ... all of it ... for their sake and yours.

Life will take on a new normal ... our ability to change what we can and adapt to that which we cannot change is a tremendous gift. It requires conscious decision-making ... over-riding emotional reaction for the highest good. (I'm still working on that myself ;-)

The important thing is ... be well-grounded physically, mentally, spiritually. It's all about relationships ... starting with self first.

May you feel comforted in knowing others care and lift you in prayer and healing agape love. It takes a little time ... nurture yourself with compassion.

Best regards.
KRKR

[Star Tsar]

Dearest Trail,

Brother
I have been raising my Son by myself now for eight years.
My Son's mother first gave up on me then our family,
Then decided to start a new life in Greece without telling anybody & without our Son.
Well as you can guess that did not work out and now she is back in UK & has just had her second child with another guy (three in total) who does not seem to care very much as far as I can gather.
They (My Son & His Mother) hardly have a relationship now.
I can tell you honestly it has been the most painful episode of His & My life.
I am still affected by this now but on the same note it has taught me ever so much about my Son, Myself, Love & Life.
Blessings to you brother you are going to need them! It's going to hurt real bad to the point of you never being the same again.

Stay Strong

:handshake:

[Iloveyou]

Dear Trail, three sayings come to my mind:

One is never so strong as when one is broken (Hazrat Inayat Khan). Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end (John Lennon). Life will never send you a challenge, that is too big for you.

I can strongly confirm all of them (2 broken marriages/long-term relationships, my daughter taken away from me because of my naivety and goodwill, she came back to me after one year). After having gone through such a difficult and painful experience, through sorrow and heartache you will be grown up, stronger and wiser than ever. Your kids will always love you, there is no greater love than children's love for their parents and it cannot be destroyed by anything.

Sending an abundant stream of loving energy to your partner, to your children and to you. Life will bring back all the joy and happiness that you deserve. These are just words. I feel with you. Blessings and a big hug for you. ILY.



edit: Hi Star Tsar, Greetings and much Love to you too :wave:

[Bubu]

I can relate to this, however your light could be different than mine. But try this; don't try to fix anything, go about visiting friends do some sports make furniture do just anything that comes to mind. don't give yourself a chance to be immersed into this then hopefully a flicker of light will come. Goodluck.

[Czarek]

...go out into the woods. long walks every day will clear your mind. Stay on top of stress. if you get super stressed, it depletes your vit B's so eat well, make yourself eat every day for your children. They need you, so make routines and try not to think too much as that's the trap. write down your problems on paper, and return to them when you feel like working out solutions. Things are happening as they were supposed to. you'll see that years later. do the best you can. that's all you're required. I've had my children taken away from me, I was kicked out of my home, lost most of my friends. I'm still here.

[amor]

The Lord Jesus the Christ exists and listens. I get sent answers sometimes before I ask the question. Learn to meld your heart with his.

[Julian]

Hello Trail,

Reading your post I am mindful of two distinct themes.

The first is the practical and overarching matter of your children and their developmental emotional needs. This one is very time sensitive and registers as an existential responsibility for both you and your partner. Calmness, a de-escalation of emotional demands within the spousal subsystem and cooling off period sound like a very good idea. Establishing stability and a safe continuity of daily life is the first order of the day.

The second theme is whatever hurt, regret, personal narrative formation, drama and self absorption you and your partner are now generating. On this level there is often a focus on "love", hopes and expectations and when we are in that territory we seem to swim in an ocean of pain. Paradoxically these can be wonderfully productive times if we would only understand the opportunity they present. May I suggest that both you and your partner get a good book on the Enneagram, Transactional analysis or any other good personality mapping system and really focus on charting your vulnerabilities, defensive emotional tendencies/structures and ways you may project all of these on to each other. If you shift the emphasis away from whether you will get back together as a couple and towards increasing emotional self awareness some really productive work can occur.

My own life experience suggests that absolutely nothing is accomplished by enticing someone to come back through gestures of appeasement. Transformative life work isn't easy and attachments built on "pleasing" each other will do not offer much stability when the next situational disappointment arises. However if you own your own stuff, adopt a genuinely open, nonjudgmental, and supportive attitude you can play a constructive role now and set the stage for whatever reconciliation and "moving forward" there may be in the future. We don't control or direct this sort of thing. At times your heart may need to break to learn whatever lessons you have scheduled for this life. Yet you can face all of that with forbearance, humility and real compassion. In the end your capacity to really love will expand tremendously and you will touch many people just by your presence.

So it's a gift but not an easy one.

Good luck Trail. Life winds it's way through our hearts. Let the current take the non essences and reveal the foundation within.

[poetbil]

I know it is hard for you brother to concentrate and change automatic negative thoughts
but a little success I had was when I was trying to reverse a n y negative vibration with "things are better than they ever were"
to do so..
for every other thought ,please make a catalogue of 10 positive like:
Oh I love this girl unconditionally
Oh how she really loves me etc etc
.complete the list and act it

Do not answer to to the inner voice (This advice is from great Vernon Howard)

One thing is sure ,all this is for the benefit of everyone in the family

[latina]

Dear trail:Reading your post remained me of this post I read a few months ago:
How I Saved My Marriage
My oldest daughter, Jenna, recently said to me, “My greatest fear as a child was that you and mom would get divorced. Then, when I was twelve, I decided that you fought so much that maybe it would be better if you did.” Then she added with a smile. “I’m glad you guys figured things out.”
For years my wife Keri and I struggled. Looking back, I’m not exactly sure what initially drew us together, but our personalities didn’t quite match up. And the longer we were married the more extreme the differences seemed. Encountering “fame and fortune” didn’t make our marriage any easier. In fact, it exacerbated our problems. The tension between us got so bad that going out on book tour became a relief, though it seems we always paid for it on re-entry. Our fighting became so constant that it was difficult to even imagine a peaceful relationship. We became perpetually defensive, building emotional fortresses around our hearts. We were on the edge of divorce and more than once we discussed it.
I was on book tour when things came to a head. We had just had another big fight on the phone and Keri had hung up on me. I was alone and lonely, frustrated and angry. I had reached my limit. That’s when I turned to God. Or turned on God. I don’t know if you could call it prayer–maybe shouting at God isn’t prayer, maybe it is–but whatever I was engaged in I’ll never forget it. I was standing in the shower of the Buckhead, Atlanta Ritz-Carlton yelling at God that marriage was wrong and I couldn’t do it anymore. As much as I hated the idea of divorce, the pain of being together was just too much. I was also confused. I couldn’t figure out why marriage with Keri was so hard. Deep down I knew that Keri was a good person. And I was a good person. So why couldn’t we get along? Why had I married someone so different than me? Why wouldn’t she change?
Finally, hoarse and broken, I sat down in the shower and began to cry. In the depths of my despair powerful inspiration came to me. You can’t change her, Rick. You can only change yourself. At that moment I began to pray. If I can’t change her, God, then change me. I prayed late into the night. I prayed the next day on the flight home. I prayed as I walked in the door to a cold wife who barely even acknowledged me. That night, as we lay in our bed, inches from each other yet miles apart, the inspiration came. I knew what I had to do.
The next morning I rolled over in bed next to Keri and asked, “How can I make your day better?”
Keri looked at me angrily. “What?”
“How can I make your day better?”
“You can’t,” she said. “Why are you asking that?”
“Because I mean it,” I said. “I just want to know what I can do to make your day better.”
She looked at me cynically. “You want to do something? Go clean the kitchen.”
She likely expected me to get mad. Instead I just nodded. “Okay.” I got up and cleaned the kitchen.
The next day I asked the same thing. “What can I do to make your day better?”
Her eyes narrowed. “Clean the garage.”
I took a deep breath. I already had a busy day and I knew she had made the request in spite. I was tempted to blow up at her. Instead I said, “Okay.” I got up and for the next two hours cleaned the garage. Keri wasn’t sure what to think.
The next morning came. “What can I do to make your day better?”
“Nothing!” she said. “You can’t do anything. Please stop saying that.”
“I’m sorry,” I said. “But I can’t. I made a commitment to myself. What can I do to make your day better?”
“Why are you doing this?”
“Because I care about you,” I said. “And our marriage.”
The next morning I asked again. And the next. And the next. Then, during the second week, a miracle occurred. As I asked the question Keri’s eyes welled up with tears. Then she broke down crying. When she could speak she said, “Please stop asking me that. You’re not the problem. I am. I’m hard to live with. I don’t know why you stay with me.”
I gently lifted her chin until she was looking in my eyes. “It’s because I love you,” I said. “What can I do to make your day better?”
“I should be asking you that.”
“You should,” I said. “But not now. Right now, I need to be the change. You need to know how much you mean to me.”
She put her head against my chest. “I’m sorry I’ve been so mean.”
“I love you,” I said.
“I love you,” she replied.
“What can I do to make your day better?”
She looked at me sweetly. “Can we maybe just spend some time together?”
I smiled. “I’d like that.”
I continued asking for more than a month. And things did change. The fighting stopped. Then Keri began asking, “What do you need from me? How can I be a better wife?”
The walls between us fell. We began having meaningful discussions on what we wanted from life and how we could make each other happier. No, we didn’t solve all our problems. I can’t even say that we never fought again. But the nature of our fights changed. Not only were they becoming more and more rare, they lacked the energy they’d once had. We’d deprived them of oxygen. We just didn’t have it in us to hurt each other anymore.
Keri and I have now been married for more than thirty years. I not only love my wife, I like her. I like being with her. I crave her. I need her. Many of our differences have become strengths and the others don’t really matter. We’ve learned how to take care of each other and, more importantly, we’ve gained the desire to do so.
Marriage is hard. But so is parenthood and keeping fit and writing books and everything else important and worthwhile in my life. To have a partner in life is a remarkable gift. I’ve also learned that the institution of marriage can help heal us of our most unlovable parts. And we all have unlovable parts.
Through time I’ve learned that our experience was an illustration of a much larger lesson about marriage. The question everyone in a committed relationship should ask their significant other is, “What can I do to make your life better?” That is love. Romance novels (and I’ve written a few) are all about desire and happily-ever-after, but happily-ever-after doesn’t come from desire–at least not the kind portrayed in most pulp romances. Real love is not to desire a person, but to truly desire their happiness–sometimes, even, at the expense of our own happiness. Real love is not to make another person a carbon copy of one’s self. It is to expand our own capabilities of tolerance and caring, to actively seek another’s well being. All else is simply a charade of self-interest.
I’m not saying that what happened to Keri and me will work for everyone. I’m not even claiming that all marriages should be saved. But for me, I am incredibly grateful for the inspiration that came to me that day so long ago. I’m grateful that my family is still intact and that I still have my wife, my best friend, in bed next to me when I wake in the morning. And I’m grateful that even now, decades later, every now and then, one of us will still roll over and say, “What can I do to make your day better.” Being on either side of that question is something worth waking up for.

This is the link http://www.richardpaulevans.com/saved-marriage/

Also, I suggest to everyone who is in a relationship to read and practice the advice in the book “The five languages of love” by Gary Chapman. I think if every couple does that, marriages or relationships are going to last and people could make the love to last forever.

[betoobig]

Hello Trail. It gets too hard on us when kids involve, so please don´t push too hard on you. First forgive yourself. Go with your heart, your heart says to try it then go for it. There is a technic to solve relations issues. Get a picture of your wife(or do it mentaly) and write in the back all the positive things yyou know about her... simple. Under a quantum point of view you are creating everything. SO focus in all those positive things about her. She will aproach to you more oppenly/friendly... that´ll be your opportunity to do things right!!... if you love her you´ll do whatever it takes. Please try, you need to try for sure but do the technic first and let her be the one who comes towards you. I wish you the best outcome and i send you and your family loving energies.
LOVE
Juan

[Trail]

Thank you all soooo very much.. your light is felt and has helped for sure to keep my sanity today.. there's still no change in the situation.. I decided to grant her wish and give her space.. its really hard for me to do.. coz I love her so much especially after going back to the original love we had and taking responsibility wich cause my instant forgiveness towards her right in that centerspot of where it went wrong about 7 years ago.. meanwhile she is adamant that she wants to quit.. She does not want to see anything positive I do.. The line is drawn and the buck stops here she affirms angrily.. She does not want to speak with me at all.. She said she wished I had a car accident and never got home it would solve so many problems.. I'm trying to come to terms with that.. and give her that space that everyone tells me I need to give her... very hard.. I cried all day ofcourse.. even at work.. but im still here.. and you guys surely helped..

I want to find time to read all the replies again and react to some individually but for now I need to go to bed because in 10 minutes she will come home and its better she does not even see me. She needs to relax..

Thank you all so much for your support.. it is felt.. I'm very grateful..

Trying to sleep now.. tomorrow another day to survive at work....

[Iloveyou]

Nobody should say something like that! How dare she! I'm not getting angry anymore that easily, but . . . ! She must be desperate herself, standing with her back to the wall since long time and for sure not everything is because of you. Sh*t, in such moments I blame my poor English.

Protect yourself energetically. Are you a more visual person, or more verbal, analytical? Try to clear the space around your body, your immediate surrounding, exclude her from that space.

Some people imagine a ball, a pyramide or whatever form of light around them, a color they feel they need at the moment, some need to built up an imaginative wall, a glass wall, some imagine the other person walking in a landscape towards the horizon, becoming smaller and smaller, then standing there and looking back from a distance or not, some people need to picture their own space in a few sentences, some invent a fantastical, mathematical formula to hold their very personal protection area . . . although creativity level of course is low in such moments. I feel you need that very protected space, where she cannot reach you at the moment, but perhaps I'm wrong, don't know – you yourself know for sure.

Above all being in that space may allow you to preserve and to feel your love for her, pure, undamaged, unharmed without her being involved in her current emotional, energetical state.

Is there any possibility for physical distance, to stay with a friend or someting like that? I hope I've not written too much crap. Things will change. There's a spot inside you that will always remain whole and intact. Your core. Send you much love, blessings and strength. ILY.

SuWAGT9ZkYE

[Innocent Warrior]

Sorry to read of your wife's stance. You're a beautiful person Trail and your children are blessed to have you, hoping your wife will see the same.

[Valley]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ft9eWb_4oYY&feature=youtu.be

[jagman]

Trail, I know your hurting right now in a big way but please dont beg or show her your hurting!!!!
Women (Not ALL Women) But most are attracted to strength Not Weakness.
Call that guy back and say Please take her off my hands bro, She requires to much maintence for me
and I could really use some help watching my kids so I can take a break and go on vacation.

If you really love her and your kids It's time to set her straight. She also needs to see you with a real
hot looking babe!!! Start working out. dont concentrate on her,focus on yourself!!!! and your Kids!!!
Thats IT!

[Innocent Warrior]

I'm not too sure it's the approach Trail has in mind but that's gold Jagman, you made me laugh.


She also needs to see you with a real
hot looking babe!!!

Coming from a woman...ouuch!

[Trail]

I am working. My energy is still very chaotic. Rollercoaster of emotions. I'm trying to focus positive thoughts but its very difficult.

[Violet]

Trail, hang in there, even though you may not hear much right now (sadness can be deafening) this takes time.

I send you lots of brightness:

https://themostbeautifulthing.files.wordpress.com/2011/08/bright.jpg

and a firm belief in better days.

[loc333]

i hope it all works out for you. I was in a similar situation, i have two kids as well. It hurt pretty bad and changed me as a person. Sending you light and a message. Hang in there.

[Olam]

I am working. My energy is still very chaotic. Rollercoaster of emotions. I'm trying to focus positive thoughts but its very difficult.

I will say this to you, see if in time it can help...
I was once in your position also.
At the time, my world was crushed instantly and I was so in a panic that I could not see how I was going to go thru all that.
With time, as I look back at it all now 12 years later, I can't believe that the standards I was holding so high for this lady I was not even giving to myself. I do still respect this person but if I had to relive all that being who I am now, it would not be as drastic an event.
Yes of coarse its easy for me to say now that I am on solid ground compared to that time, but I realize now that all my eggs were in her basket!.....:p and had kept none for me.

I now have an eagle's view on moments like this where I see the souls playing their part in this grand play we have here.
At some level, this soulmate gave you a gift, a chance to discover yourself at a deeper level and see who you are really, forced you to go find that love you have for her and find it inside yourself.

All of this is a big cliché and you probably don't want to read it, but I had to say it to you.

Your children are amazing souls just like you and that lady, they are part of this big play you all have and its not a coincidence!
My daughter was 5 when I got divorced and she saved me.
Do the best you can for your children as at the same time you are taking care of the child in you that is hurt now....

[Trail]

Something changed energetically... in my gf.. I think everybody sending love to her has expedited her healing and she is a littlebit less explosive..

I took 2x 10mg oxazepam to quiet my mind a bit.. I waited on a parkinglot for 1.5 hours before I went home.. dragging my feet along.. wondering how much she would hurt me.. and with what.. to prepair myself for the blows.. then thought this is not creating the reality that I want.. I have to be vibrant and happy.. put on my light.. be positive.. just not say a thing.. no that wouldn't work.. just say hi in a very welcome and open manner.. ask how the kids have been.. wich I did.

She replied not so angry as usual.. she did not blow up.. I kept extremely calm and relaxed.. just loving.. we started talking a bit eventhough she didn't really feel like it.. I told her I was sorry for all her pain for the past years.. explained it was my fault for blaming her of hurting me.. I had put her up on some angelic pedestal and when she couldn't live up to that because she was a mere (above average) human.. I started blaming her and putting her down.. like I felt she had been doing to me.. this started 7 years ago.. it went downhill fast from there.. my disrespect for her was noticeable for the family and manifested itself in many ways.. not doing chores around the house.. letting her get out of bed to get to a crying kid.. I told her I was sorry for not honoring her and that I was so very thankfull for her gift of opening my eyes with this crisis.. I would never have seen it if it wasn't for this crisis..

I told her I spotted a pattern in myself that I didn't like.. If she or my best friend or anyone else tells me something critical that hurts my feelings, I just hang up (in my friends case) and never call back.. if my gf does it I just hurt her back.. harder.. and light up a joint to make the pain go away.. and that is a vicious circle.. escapism.. and it has become a pattern in my life.. wich I promised to seek help for, eventhough, recognizing it, is likely 70% of the healing.. I already decided I want to change, quit smoking weed, for myself, my kids, and my gf.. it makes me lazy.. unfoccused.. without a goal.. and I just need to take responsibility for myself and HOUNOR myself.. im even thinking of going out and running to get my health and body back in shape.. work on it from all angles.. mind body and soul..

I thanked her for teaching me a very valuable lesson.. I recognized how much she had done for me.. and mentioned many things for wich she had received no credit, only pain.. she has saved my life at least twice.. I was crying quietly and calmly when I said all that.. it came from the depth of my hearth.. and here it comes: she also cried a little......... energetic change..

That means I was finaly able to reach her, if even a littlebit... she did kept asking me to stop and please go to the attic (my man-cave hideout) and let her watch her soap. But a littlebit less angry..

She was in a big need of a hug.. wich I told her twice I wish she allowed me to give to her.. but I better stay away or she would explode so I couldn't get closer than about 5 meters away.. she said she was scared of me.. I told her I was scared of her.. and since we would be stuck with eachother for 6 more moths. maybe it would be a good idea to stop hurting eachother right now.. I told her I would never hurt her again and honour her wishes.. and thanked her for talking normally to me.. she said she did that because I wasn't pushing her so much.. 2x oxazepam helps calm my mind maybe? or she actually sees that I have made an energetic change.

Whatever it is.. its the first glimpse of hope I've seen..

I also mentioned that I think she needs help getting rid of the trauma that I caused her 7 years ago wich is heavily affecting us right till this moment.. But she said if she would just not see me anymore, that trauma would not rise up again.. I told her It would.. but then quickly refocused on putting responsibility on myself and promised I would quit smoking weed.. and seek help for my newly found negative pattern..

Meanwhile (It takes time to sell a house) I hope she actually sees the change and see how serious I am about fixing this in myself.. wich hopefully melts her anger away.. and give her some hope that im really changing..

I suggested to her that we would be living in the same house for at least 6 months until its sold and that I was willing to sleep on the couch to give her space.. I told her I would be asking her everyday "What can I do to make this day a little better for you?" because true love is about giving.. she answered she would not reply everyday to that question..

Because I'm taking responsibility for my actions in every part of my life, I also called the best friend I ditched after 1.5 years and told him about my revelation and that I was cleaning up after myself and he was so glad I called.. all was okay in an instant. he had missed me much too.. and it was never worth it he said.. so I got my friend back.. (I cried on the phone with him too :S)

I thank you all for sending all the light and healing.. I think it has had some initial effect on her too now..

I for sure do feel the loving vibration, and keep reading this thread like 20x a day while im at work (driving to customers).. because it supports me and helps me break my negative thoughts.. so gratefull for everyone.. you guys have really helped keep my sanity..

I listed to the crazy song like 8 times.. when I play it now it actually makes me smile.. the intention is so nice behind it.. nobody has ever done something like that for me.. I've not experienced a mass healing ever.. but wow the power is unmistakable.. thank you so much everyone for that..

I feel better after her talking normal to me.. we agreed to stop hurting eachother and trying our best to live out the last months of our lives together..

Ofcourse I hope she will not go through with it after she sees me changing.. I will keep doing my very best to honour and respect and love her.. eventhough she's still in a bitchy mood.. I made mistakes.. I hurt her.. she needs time to heal.. and cope with my clarity and pointing out where it went wrong in myself... that part made her cry.. that means there are feelings left.. that gives me a little hope.. wich is making me feel better.. I actually ate something..

~Trail.

[Trail]

Next week her parents house will be empty because they are going on vacation. I will get the key and live there for a week so she can have some space to think and calm down.. hopefully she will use it to relax and open up.. instead of closing down permanently..

[Trail]

Cancel.. she will be going to her parents house and taking the kids with her.. She's afraid I won't be leaving her alone.. She only seems to care about herself and not the stability of the kids.. I already agreed to go to her fathers house to give her the space she needs days ago.. trying to keep a stable home for the kids in their own house... something I don't really want to do but for wich I hoped she would give me some credit.. her father invited me 2 days ago to tell me about his aquarium and other household matters he liked me to attend to while I was staying there.. all was settled..

2 day's ago we agreed to make this place safe for eachother to come home to.. stop hurting eachother (mentaly/vocaly). Say HI normally.. answer normally about household/kids matters.. make eachother feel safer.. not intent on hurting eachother..

But yesterday she visited a coach, who told her she had to draw clear lines and set her boundaries, write it down, and give me the paper. After wich she called me and started DEMANDING basically the same thing from me.. leave her alone.. furthermore she does not want me to communicate anything about anything.. can't ask about the kids.. no household matters (who's going to her fathers house, her or me..) just nothing.. and hangs up on me when I start talking back after she has done her demands.. (Talking back as in why demand this now while I already lovingly agreed to do this for you?)

She took away one of my methods of showing her I care, now its a demand for wich I get no credit I just have to take things as she sais or else.....

She told me I can go see the kids on Wednesday..

This is turning ugly.. she's full of anger and creating a vibe like I'm aggressive.. she sais she's afraid of me.. wich is total bull**** because we've only hurted eachother with words.. shes afraid I will be stalking her and coming over to the house and making a scene wich would upset her and the kids... I actually was not planning anything like that.. that would not be respecting her wish and leaving her be.. whatever.. I'm not sure why she hardened up all of a sudden..

I'm getting a little bit more stable.. still crying on a whim though.. even with customers.. but this is making me thoughen up.. I see no way out of this.. I blame her for creating this ugly vibe for us all.. its her choice.. not mine.. nothing I can do to make anything better..

Asking her what I can do to make her day better, got no reply... so I delivered a teddybear and abundant happy flowers from work with a note to take a look at the flowers in the hope it might brighten up her day a little.. family sais its too early..

She is stuck in anger/hate.. She does not see a way out of the anger..

She needs a huge dose of st Germain's violet flame of transmutation to transmute the lower vibrations into love.. but she seems to hang on to the hate gladly.. she is able to cope with those vibrations much better and for much longer than I ever could..

On a good note, I still stopped smoking weed.. this is the third day.. I do not have the problems with it I'd expected to have.. I guess its about time.. I guess I'm being supported by my own angels.. and you guys.. and I also stopped putting my eggs in her basket.. took them out and took responsibility for myself.. (thanks for that tip)

If this is the pace in wich she can let go of anger.. I doubth we can ever be happy.. if she can't go to the core of the cause like I did and take responsibility.. she has to work on the symptoms from the outside.. wich is hard labor and not fun and actually almost impossible and nothing she feels like doing.. the pile of negativity is just to big to do such.. she even seems to dwell on the drama..

She also believes that leaving me will fix everything.. lose the baggage.. start over.. and never be reminded of the trauma she still carries inside.. She will meet the same trauma in another spouse, or will experience a violent robber, or something like that.. she will have to deal with herself sometime.. and probably in this lifetime.. her eyes are totally closed to the lessons she has to learn and the responsibility she has to take for herself.. And me only talking about myself taking care of things I discovered in myself is not helping.. it seems to confirm for her that she's not to blame and its only about me..

If there's anything anyone can do to remotely send healing/love to her.. her name is Bianca.. because I've lost hope she can crawl out of this pit on her own.. I know that if a little light can sneak through into her darkness, she probably gladly receives it and she would then hopefully build on it.. but so far darkness is all she sees..

I also do energy work.. I also pray for angels to clear her aura.. I try to take away the dark cloud.. put her in the brightest light possible.. but I'm not as strong and focused as when I'm stable.. my energy might be contaminated with my own pain wich is aversely affecting hers..

Personally, I have found my power.. not smoking for 3 days was unthinkable for years.. Thank you all for putting myself back in my own power and for my spiritual friend for initiating it..

~Trail.

[Violet]

Perhaps it is advisable to, indeed, leave her alone. Give her the space she demands (even if just for now). That also means not sending gifts, notes, anything, total leave-alone.

If you get sucked into the vibe you've described up here, her incorrect fear/assessment of you being agressive and a stalker will become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Use the time-out to continue on the progress you're making.

[Becky]

I'm not too sure it's the approach Trail has in mind but that's gold Jagman, you made me laugh.


She also needs to see you with a real
hot looking babe!!!

Coming from a woman...ouuch!

Yup, that is such a bad idea! Seriously :silent:

[Becky]

Cancel.. she will be going to her parents house and taking the kids with her.. She's afraid I won't be leaving her alone.. She only seems to care about herself and not the stability of the kids.. I already agreed to go to her fathers house to give her the space she needs days ago.. trying to keep a stable home for the kids in their own house... something I don't really want to do but for wich I hoped she would give me some credit.. her father invited me 2 days ago to tell me about his aquarium and other household matters he liked me to attend to while I was staying there.. all was settled..

2 day's ago we agreed to make this place safe for eachother to come home to.. stop hurting eachother (mentaly/vocaly). Say HI normally.. answer normally about household/kids matters.. make eachother feel safer.. not intent on hurting eachother..

But yesterday she visited a coach, who told her she had to draw clear lines and set her boundaries, write it down, and give me the paper. After wich she called me and started DEMANDING basically the same thing from me.. leave her alone.. furthermore she does not want me to communicate anything about anything.. can't ask about the kids.. no household matters (who's going to her fathers house, her or me..) just nothing.. and hangs up on me when I start talking back after she has done her demands.. (Talking back as in why demand this now while I already lovingly agreed to do this for you?)

She took away one of my methods of showing her I care, now its a demand for wich I get no credit I just have to take things as she sais or else.....

She told me I can go see the kids on Wednesday..

This is turning ugly.. she's full of anger and creating a vibe like I'm aggressive.. she sais she's afraid of me.. wich is total bull**** because we've only hurted eachother with words.. shes afraid I will be stalking her and coming over to the house and making a scene wich would upset her and the kids... I actually was not planning anything like that.. that would not be respecting her wish and leaving her be.. whatever.. I'm not sure why she hardened up all of a sudden..

I'm getting a little bit more stable.. still crying on a whim though.. even with customers.. but this is making me thoughen up.. I see no way out of this.. I blame her for creating this ugly vibe for us all.. its her choice.. not mine.. nothing I can do to make anything better..

Asking her what I can do to make her day better, got no reply... so I delivered a teddybear and abundant happy flowers from work with a note to take a look at the flowers in the hope it might brighten up her day a little.. family sais its too early.. ...

~Trail.

Trail, I think she's behaving like this because she's frightened or feels threatened....now don't get me wrong, it's not necessarily you....she's just at a point in her life where she needs to be able to set clear boundaries and she needs people to respect her and her space. If you do this and back off and understand/try to appreciate this, then this will help a lot. I don't know why it's reached this point for you guys but that's where it is right now. I understand this as really hard for you. She will calm down if you treat her with respect and give her space and tell her you understand she needs this.

I'm only saying this because i went through something similar in the past year and I recognise how she's acting/reacting. This is about her, not necessarily you.
Something which may help you is a Steve Richards interview where he talks about point zero - it's being able to reach a point where you can observe but not react to a situation - very hard to do when you're so emotionally involved, but very helpful to be able to master...he talks about lots of other things but the point zero concept is about 1/2 way through...


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FkyRC2OHa-0

[betoobig]

i have also go through something similar. I did what she told me and went to my brother´s house for 4 weeks. Afterwords we talked and solved everything. We came up with a new relation, a clean one based in the new energies. I explaind this becouse nowadays everything is changing and "cleaning" up. I hope this is the same for you. Cry all you need my friend and go on Wendsday with a happy vibe to see your kids and, please, talk to them. Even if they are small they understand when explanations come, if not they could have a problem becouse don´t get what´s wornd and they may think is becouse of them. Cry budy put it all out. Clean yourself. You are doing great.
Much love to all of you.
Juan

[Trail]

I've let go of trying to make up, trying to make her see that i'm willing to take responsibility.

I've continued without smoking weed for 3 days, because i'm doing it not for her but to honour myself.

I've stopped taking oxazepam to be able to sleep last night, and during the day today. After taking 6x 10mg oxazepam's for the past 3 days.

I've got energy i've never had before, i've got clarity i've never had before, the world seems brighter, the colours are more contrasted, nature seems much brighter.

I've weigted 110 kilograms at least 8 years.. My pants are falling of my behind, i weighted myself.. im now 97 kilograms. Wich is great. Now that i've let go i seem more stable and at peace, wich makes me hungry for the first time in weeks and able to eat.. One banana a day is not enough, i already ate two today and still hungry.. I want to lose more weight.. but now i have to work for it i guess hahaha..

I feel better, brighter, more calm and at peace. Wich is btw my mantra for this week (i feel a littlebit more calm, relaxed, and peaceful every day)

Now its Bianca who needs serious help. Shes running away from herself. Indulging in anger/hate/fear. I already suspected she has attachments that use her to suck my energy. I think she's controlled/influenced by something negative. She has lost my male indigo protection a long time ago. She is not able to cope with the energy thats influencing her. She needs help but does not recognize it. Too bad for her. Not my responsibility anymore. I've got to let go. I hope she finds her way, i wish her the best.

My kids feel stuff is happening, they are drawn to me and will not let go, they just want hugs hugs hugs. Even the 2.5 year old just wants to hug me. I hugged her for 10-12 minutes lastnight in the middle of the night she didnt want to sleep, she wanted me to hug her for a long long time, after wich she finaly pointed at her bed and was willing to sleep. Her aunt tried to get her to sleep all night but she just refused. I gave her my love and she was okay.. The small child really feels something is going on. Wich saddens me.

Bianca goes to her parents house,with the kids.. not my idea. but whatever. i have to let go.

The kids are treating Bianca for the worse, and they are nicer to me than ever. I think they feel something eventhough they dont have a clue.

I will give the space she needs. She doesn't even say hello or make eye contact. Whatever. I'll let go.

She still needs help, if someone is able to do something remotely, please do.

~Trail.

[Stephanie]

Quiet your mind and thoughts, and seek your inner balance.
Allow Bianca time and space, and seek not a solution, but allow for peace, understanding, caring and harmony to heal and restore.
Gentle, healing love to you, Bianca and your dearest 'Angels'.
All my heartfelt blessings, dearest Trials.
:heart:

[Trail]

You never believe what just happened to me. For starters I keep meeting the right people at the exact right moments in my life all throughout this week, and I mean like about every work customer I meet (I visit about 4-6 people a day at their home, where I spend about 1-2 hours to install or fix fiber optic internet, wifi, interactive TV, and telephone) they give me the exact thing i need. From advice, tips, love, understanding, even physical food, or even just confirmation that i'm on the right track.

That to me is a big sign that I'm on the right track for me. Synchronicity. I used to ALWAYS have that.

But what happened just now was amaaazing, Just as I was talking to a dutch healing facilitator. We where discussing the benefits of relationships to facilitate learning in life. Being alone (for a long time) is usually not a great way of facilitating growth. Coz we need the feedback and reflections of the other person in the relationship to mirror stuff back to us. On the other hand we do learn the most in times of crisis / breakups and are able to change our ways and have deep inner soulsearches..

So while I was having thoughts of letting go of Bianca completely (meaning, not even wanting to continue, even if she wanted to), I was having a quick thought about me having to eventually attract someone else into my life (not now, I'm not ready or have room in my life for that yet or even want to, but the thought of eventually having to date a new girl or maybe forever being alone, was not a nice thought). While thinking that and discussing this with the facilitator, three 16 year old girls walk past my car. (was sitting in the car to be able to hold a private convo).

One of the girls sees me sitting in the car and shouts: "Hello Sir!.." I look up and see them walk past. The same voice shouts at me: "I LOVE YOUUU!!".. Without thinking I immediately say "Love you tooo".. (pretty loudly so they could hear through the closed car..) they keep walking and I hear them say something like "That's a nice guy to say that back" ...

And i'm totally dumbfounded where that came from.. meanwhile the facilitator thinks I say "I love you too" to her.. I say did you hear that?? she says what?.. I say.. this is amazing.. the youth of today is not the type to randomly shout I LOVE YOU to strangers sitting in a car that are more than twice their age.. These girls just walk past me and while we are discussing this.. this just happens... she sais isn't it amazing.. I say yes that's really far out impossible to be coincidence....

Like the angels are saying.. we have something in store for you... if you just let go already...

Not even sure I'm ready.. not yet.. not yet.. I need time for myself first.. I'd like friends but nothing like that yet...

But having the thought of NEVER meeting someone again maybe, and then this happens.. is totally amazing...

Coincidence? This never happened to me before.. someone randomly shouting I LOVE YOU... on the streets... they didn't even seem drunk or anything... WTF?!! WOW!!!

Life is SO MUCH BETTER when ur on the right track !!!!! WOW.. angels.. THANKS!!!

~Trail.

[Trail]

On another note.. I talked to Bianca.. I told her I had let her go.. anything she would decide was okay with me.. And that I was contemplating if I would even want us to try again.. because I was doubting her ability to really let go of the past..

Told her I thought she might not be ready for a long time.. wich would hold me back from my own path.. she needs to find her own path.. she needs to re-find her own light.. I told her it was easy. she still has it inside.. she just chooses to focus on the negativity.. I told her she needs to seek help.. cry a lot.. choose better.. do affirmations.. be still.. discover herself.. work on herself... take responsibility for her OWN actions and stop blaming the outside world for everything.. and I think she's not ready... I told her I have found the right people in my life to support me.. I told her she should look for people to support her spiritually too.. I told her I would help her if she needs help finding people.. she didn't want to go to the same people as I talk to because she thinks they are coloured by talking to me.. I told her to go google someone else.. she needs help in getting back to her own light.. I told her so many people here have sent healing wich is still hanging in the air around her waiting for her to accept it.. I told her I had asked for help for the whole family.. including her.. and even asked for more help for her than for myself.. I told her her angels are waiting for her to let them in if she would just allow it... she's astounded by my newly found strength.. while she's still choosing to suffer and focus on the 3d drama.. its a simple choice... she just have to make it... gave her three tips to start out to get where I am today.. with:
1) Simple affirmations that her subconscious would not reject like "I'm feeling a little more peacefull, loving, and balanced every day" But told her to make up her own affirmations to create her own life, and use our time apart to really be still in her mind to findout about what she wants for herself and make her own affirmations about that.. even a new lover.. whatever she thinks she wants/needs..
2) Told her she never lost her light, as nobody can take it from her, she just chooses not to focus there. She still has it inside.. Blaming me does not help at all.. staying in anger also doesn't help.. she needs to take responsibility/power back..
3) Told her her angels are waiting around her just for her to let them in.. and also that you all have sent massive healing and its still available if she just allows it in.

She seems to desperately want help too now.. she wants what I have found for myself.. she needs help being put back in her power..

She went to bed doing all the above.. wich is really a great step for her.. I hope it helped.. and at least she cried.. wich must surely help release some negativity.. and at least we spoke.. she was very surprised when I told her I wasn't sure I even wanted our relationship fixed.. because I was doubting her ability for reach the point I had reached.. and I would never, ever, go back to where we where..

I told her I loved her and wanted her to rediscover her own power just like I had done.. I thanked her for the lesson.. and told her I was sad to see her depressed and down.. I told her I wished she would just 'get it'.. like I did.. and to look inside.. the cliché.. you have all you need already inside you.. that's where the power lies.. inside.. not outside.. keep blaming the outside doesn't make you feel better.. I got through to her at least a little.. I think she actually was going to try my method.. tomorrow.. we'll see..

Now I need to find her someone that I do not know yet.. that can help put her back into her own power... has to be someone from Holland because her English is not that great and she's not confident enough to talk or write English, especially when it's about such important matters to her.

I hope she gets it.. soon.. not years.. not for me.. but for her.. the least I can do is point in the right direction... but she has to do it herself..

~Trail.

[Trail]

go on Wendsday with a happy vibe to see your kids and, please, talk to them. Even if they are small they understand when explanations come, if not they could have a problem becouse don´t get what´s wornd and they may think is becouse of them

Juan

That's a problem. I do not wish to lie to them. Somehow, I need them to know it wasn't my decision to call it quits. I have made a profound agreement to myself not to let that happen to them, and now Bianca has decided that. It is NOT my decision to become a part time dad. I want to be honest.. but that seems to be a mistake.. The 4.5 y/old boy asked me why I was crying when he heard me get out of bed and sat down on my lap. I told him daddy misses you so much. He asked if I would be home very late that night. I told him that wasn't it. So he asked why then. Then I made the mistake in telling him that Mommy and them would be living in another house and that Mommy didn't want daddy to come along because we did not get along. He then asked me if he should go ask mommy to let daddy live with them. I told him he shouldn't.. But ofcouse it was the first thing he did when she got up..

After that. he's treating mommy like ****, and is very very very attached to me..

The 2.5 year old though, was never told. But is reacting in the very same way. Clinging on to me, not letting go of me, really hugging me as tight as she can for at least 15 minutes when I put her to bed. She feels something is going on. And she's taking the piss at her mother.. really noticeably..

The kids have changed around me, they are very nice, they suddenly behave much better, I just have to ask and they just do whatever I ask of them. They smile a lot at me.

Not the case with mom. They annoy her to the bone, not listening, screaming, acting out... pfft..

It's hard when you want to let them know that daddy wants to be there for them.. I do not want to make them feel like I have forsaken them... I somehow desperately need them to know that it's NOT MY CHOICE...

But.. I think lying to them might have been better.. (as in saying mommy and daddy both think its best that we go live seperately) i'm unsure.. Bianca hates me for telling the boy... I told him while crying.. I was in pain.. and not awake fully... probably a mistake.. dang life is difficult sometimes.. :)

~Trail.

[Mike]

tu-QjTNtDz8

[Trail]

Wow Mike, what a great find :) and probably so true :)

[Trail]

I'm at peace with whatever she decides. The kids came here with foreknowledge that this might happen. The relationship was distracting us from our true paths. This relationship had to break down. This breakup has caused me to learn extremely valuable lessons for which I am very grateful. I'm firmly back in my power and at total peace. For a few day's I was in total panic, where you all pitched in with stabilizing energy and tips for the mind for which I am also very grateful. Apparently I have much support from above, synchronicity is peaking and I feel the universe is smiling at me. Whatever the result, it is okay with me. All will be okay. All is in divine order. I have let go of desiring any particular outcome. I have let go of Bianca and as soon as I did that two days ago, I was at total peace and right back into my power. I haven't felt this great in the past 5 years. All will be fine. I'm not trying to control the outcome anymore.

Bianca notices I have changed dramaticaly. She seems to wish that for herself. So I told her how I got there. By taking responsibility for myself and changing my inner self.

I told her I wish the same for her and gave her simple tips. I also sought help for her and gave her a few phone numbers. It's up to her what she does with them, as I have let go of any outcomes. I can only light up a few roads for her. It's up to her to choose to take any of those paths. I really am not attached to the outcome although I wish the best for her.

I do have some guilt going on because I feel I got the better deal out of the relationship, and she seems to be feeling worse after this relationship. She has done a lot for me. I owe her a lot of gratitude. I really wish I could pick her up and put her straight back in her power but only she can choose to do that for herself.

I feel much stronger, peaceful, and loving.

Since I've let go of her, she's talking to me again. Not always very nice, there's still a lot of noticeable hate inside her, but she's curious about how I managed to change so dramatically in a few days. She feels the pressure I've put on her the first few day's when I was in panic to save our relationship, is gone.

Lastnight I told her there is a lot of healing being sent her way, and that she just has to let it in and she would be blasted away like I felt from everyone. She said she did not feel that when she tried to meditate and connect to the healing I promised was still hanging in the air waiting for her to let in. That saddened me because I feel it made a big stabilizing difference for me.

Her time will come too.

[RunningDeer]

That's a problem. I do not wish to lie to them. Somehow, I need them to know it wasn't my decision to call it quits. I have made a profound agreement to myself not to let that happen to them, and now Bianca has decided that. It is NOT my decision to become a part time dad. I want to be honest.. but that seems to be a mistake.. The 4.5 y/old boy asked me why I was crying when he heard me get out of bed and sat down on my lap. I told him daddy misses you so much. He asked if I would be home very late that night. I told him that wasn't it. So he asked why then. Then I made the mistake in telling him that Mommy and them would be living in another house and that Mommy didn't want daddy to come along because we did not get along. He then asked me if he should go ask mommy to let daddy live with them. I told him he shouldn't.. But ofcouse it was the first thing he did when she got up..

After that. he's treating mommy like ****, and is very very very attached to me..


Trail, it’s great that you have a safe place to share the frustration and the hurt here. I’ve been following your thread and will continue to do so. I have a need to speak for your 4.5 and 2.5 year olds.

I agree. Your kids need their Dad now, in their teenage years and beyond. To my way of thinking, full-time Dads are Dads that do not label themselves as a part-time Dads. You ARE their Dad. Quality time trumps living in a place where everyone holds their breath and second guesses what they do and think.


That's a problem. I do not wish to lie to them. Somehow, I need them to know it wasn't my decision to call it quits. I have made a profound agreement to myself not to let that happen to them, and now Bianca has decided that. It is NOT my decision to become a part time dad.

There are multi-levels to partnerships. Aside from the extreme cases, it’s the actions, inactions and the imbalance between them that creates the mutual decision in which the relationship has reached it’s sale-by-date. One happens to be brave enough to say what both probably have been thinking. So, no blame. No finger pointing. Time to move on. (in my experience)

This isn’t about your profound agreements or lies nor wanting to be honest to a 4 1/2 year old. You’re the Dad. You're the adult. The one that is wise to the importance of 'age appropriate talks'.

A gentle reminder…it’s easy for first borns and empaths and heck ALL kids to try to fix what needs fixing between their Moms and Dads if the environment is strained. My hope is that your kids get to be the kids.

After that. he's treating mommy like ****, and is very very very attached to me..

I may have misinterpreted this comment. My first thought is that this isn’t a popularity contest. Foster an environment where your children never feel they must pick sides. It’s destructive to their little minds, hearts and spirits.

I know you know this. It just may be a case that your voice needs to be heard through someone else’s voice. There’ll be plenty of time later on to explain how the love change from partnership to friendship. In the meantime, they’ll continue to feel loved and nurtured from Mom and Dad whether it’s under one roof or two.

Here's to your kids, Bianca and You for the best transition that’s filled with support, growth, understanding, love and healing.

RunningDeer <3

[Trail]

She's still at her dad's house.. she's still very angry... and doesn't want to continue our relationship... I still love her very much.. and I fear the consequences of having to pay twice the rent of two houses.. while in debt over selling this house.. we can barely make ends meet now.. we won't have anything to spare to give the toys to the kids or even decent food... its quite impossible... and all the reasons she wants to get rid of me have gone because I have a new mindset and too responsibility...

I can't say I'm at peace with her descision.. how much I like to be... its really hard... I will keep fighting for our relationship by being total love and peace for her.. and just give a lot back.. she gave me so much without receiving much back from me.. I did not honor her... I do now.. she sais its too late.. yet she cries when I honor her.. she desperately needed that.. I hope she will weaken her anger in time.. I hope we get that time... the house should not be sold so quickly.. I hope it all comes together in the end and we will both be very happy with eachother... all I need is that chance... and I will prove her that I finaly am all that she wanted... sigh...

~T.

[Trail]

She came back to live her yesterday after being kicked out by her dad against her will who got home from vacation..

Can't say it was a pleasure to meet her.. my god how vindictive can someone be.. pulling me down with every comment she makes.. sarcasm cynicism and digging up old dirt from 3 - 5 -7 years ago as that is the best she can do..

I'm glad to get rid of her no matter the consequences financially.. She makes my stomach turn, like a knife is in there and she's twisting it every chance she gets.. This is not healthy for me..

I can't even be around her energy, like she has a huge evil entity attachment that seems to give her a sense of pleasure and power when draining me..

Back to shielding myself.. I can't keep my heart open and radiate love, understanding, and happiness.. She seems to hate me for being happy and doing everything she can to turn off the light..

Looking for a faster way out.. even thinking of caging her in a mirrored shield.. first and last time I did that she started puking and ****ting herself empty within 30 minutes.. however if she has an entity attachment that would only make it stronger.. Better direct her energy out to divine source.. weakening the entity..

2 persons are building up strength to try and remove the entity that they also feel is there.. Probably too late..

Found out she's taking a medicine that has side effects that include halucinations, hormonal imbalance, irritability, emotional imbalance, etc.. yet she seems to only admit it is influencing her yet its certainly not the cause of our mischief.. Yet our problems started when she started taking that medicine.. A hormonal thing.. not safe to drive or use heavy equipment with..

She's extremely irrational. Bringing up old stuff from many years ago as she can't think of anything better to hit me with.. its really silly.. all our mutual friends have one word for her: "Bizarre"..

It's really hard to stay balanced around her.. and I'm glad I can get back to work tomorrow.. eventhough I slept 1.5 hours last night.. (stomach pain, cutting cords, meditating)

~Trail.

[gripreaper]

How are the kids doing?

[Trail]

The oldest told me that when they where away at granddads house, he asked mom if he could call daddy.. coz him and me agreed he could if he missed me, and mom knew that.. but mommy wouldn't let him he said.. Mom denies he ever asked about me..

Today, to my surprise, they where misbehaving and acting up towards me, and they usually treat me better than mommy.. my spiritual friend sais that's because your off balance and they reflect your own state of mind right back at you.. They are perfectly divine beings giving you just what you need..

As soon as my friend told me to shield myself from mommy, choose better thoughts, start cleaning my 95 kilogram amethyst church together with the kids and also tell them about its function to generate a good spirit in the house.. everything started working out and they started behaving in tandem with my vibration and my mind.. amazing...

So basically the kids are doing their perfect divine job. :clapping:

[betoobig]

Sending loving energies to your wife and kids. Please Trail try having nice and positive thoughts about her, that should help her and, of course, the kids too. Kids need both of you ... do not forget that.
LOVE
Juan

[Violet]

I agree. Trail, don't fall into the divorce trap, I've seen it again and again; you're demonising each other. Your kids - though giving you conflicting impressions now - will remember this forever. I should know. It's damaging for them. Act to prevent, now that you still can.
And this is not the way.

[Trail]

I'm going on vacation to turkey. alone. mom would not even let me take the oldest along :(

She's out for total destruction and mayhem. Lying and deceiving about the smallest unimportant things.

Kids are not okay. They where taken out of the house by her and her parents 2 hours ago. They are used in her fight to get the better of me.

I kept my cool. Recorded everything that happened. I just listened to it. Was proud of myself. Voice of reason.

I just had a reading done. I'm like a caterpillar in the cocooning stage.

How one woman can create such a huge mess in my life and that of my kids is beond reason to me.

[ulli]

She is a fragmented being. Projecting her unintegrated stuff at you,
and full of fears of her own weaknesses.
A victim of an overactive imagination.

I myself have been through something similar.
The decent individual is not always the winner, unfortunately.
Just the fact that you might be anti-establishment could make them distrust you.

[Guish]

Brother,

My mother has been like this. She sees negativity in everything and makes a fuss out of nothing. As a child, I have battled negativity and ended up being someone very different. Extreme situations can make us realise our inner kingdom also. Here's a nice story for you.

A beautiful girl in the village was pregnant. Her angry parents demanded to know who was the father. At first resistant to confess, the anxious and embarrassed girl finally pointed to Hakuin, the Zen master whom everyone previously revered for living such a pure life. When the outraged parents confronted Hakuin with their daughter's accusation, he simply replied "Is that so?"

When the child was born, the parents brought it to the Hakuin, who now was viewed as a pariah by the whole village. They demanded that he take care of the child since it was his responsibility. "Is that so?" Hakuin said calmly as he accepted the child.

For many months he took very good care of the child until the daughter could no longer withstand the lie she had told. She confessed that the real father was a young man in the village whom she had tried to protect. The parents immediately went to Hakuin to see if he would return the baby. With profuse apologies they explained what had happened. "Is that so?" Hakuin said as he handed them the child.

[Nature Spirit]

http://projectavalon.net/I_am_powerful_beyond_measure.jpg

http://s368.photobucket.com/user/KiwiWombat/PHOTOS%20for%20LIFE%20and%20LOVE/story

[Michelle Marie]

Hi all,

First time I call out for help but I'm at the end of my wits..

My relationship just broke up, we have two small kids of 2.5 and 4.5 years old who need a father.

She does not want to work on our relationship anymore, and in fact is already focusing on someone else who just came into her life the 10th of may.

I called that guy and asked him to give us a break because I really want to work on our relationship for ourselves and our kids.. he said he was already backing of because he didn't want to come in the middle of things.. and that our kids need a father.. so he would stop his advancements..

I actually saw the light.. instead of 3d yes no bickering I went back to the emotion of meeting her and being in love.. then found the spot where I stopped that.. because she had hurt me so much I closed off.. a spiritual friend put a mirror before me and told me that I was the one having power of my own reaction.. and it was my decision to close my heart and start playing 3d drama games.. I really know how to fix this since I was able to instantly compare the feeling/love we used to have with the crap we got to now.. sadly her bucket is full she sais and we are going to have to sell our house wich we bought 1 year ago..

Its so hard to take in for me.. after taking my own responsibility.. I want to fix it with my newly remembered power... Abraham hicks, Eckhart tolle, Neale Donald walsch style... gratefull for my friend to make it clear to me.. sad that it seems to be too late...

She seems to have her mind made up, and giving us no more chance.

I need so much light, I'm very down and out.. please pray/send healing/light for me/us/her/kids.. I see no light..

Thank you so much. :heart:
~Trail.
You are doing a great job!
Stay in your imagination with what you choose to see/create. Feel love. Ignore outer circumstances "evidence to the contrary" and keep the Faith. The release it to God and say thanks! Feel gratitude deeply for answered prayer.

We are with you in Spirit. You've got the two or more power - exponential.

Be receptive. Catch the "peace that passeth the all understanding."

We love you!
MM

[Trail]

Hey all,

Thanks for the loving replies again :)

I'm back from my vacation properly relaxed and well balanced. I missed my flight on purpose and booked an extra week to stay longer.

Seeing my ex or her picture does not make my stomach turn anymore like it used to do and as I noticed today it turns out her insane negativity does not affect me anymore. I feel *mostly* pitty when she does it, mixed with some anger on how she treats me though. Almost there :)

Found this letter at home from her lawyer making ridiculous demands. Will be getting my own lawyer. (don't want to but I guess that's the next proper step now.)

I'm just fine with everything :)

Saw the kids today, they hugged me all day and told me what a sweet dad I was at least 100 times today :)
Then when mom came to pick them up they didn't want to go with mom and asked why I couldn't come with them... I just tell them I don't know, ask mom. I still find this part hard to deal with.

Otherwise, partly thanks to a very natural and grounded angel person from Latvia (Letland) I've met on vacation who'm I spoke with for many day's, I'm well balanced and properly charged to deal with everything that comes my way now.

~Trail.