angelfire
16th June 2015, 17:33
I'm still reeling from what has happened today and during the past twenty four hours to my son and me.
Yesterday, due I'm pretty sure to the effects of a deep homeopathic remedy, I spent the whole day entangled in a dark web of regret and guilt over the fact that I had been way less than a good enough Mum (single, working, stressed, blah blah) to my two sons. I wished I could undo some of the things I'd said and done and just wanted so much to have done it all better. I felt that if I had they would have happier and more fulfilled lives now and then of course I cried and I cried. So much negativity I know, but it had obviously reared its ugly head for a reason.
And today, after a good night's sleep, the web had been replaced by clarity and a sense of inner peace. I did some yoga, fixed a problem with email access and figured out what was wrong with my mobile phone - all in all, the antithesis of what I had experienced less than twenty four hours earlier. I felt so much better about myself!
This afternoon I skyped my eldest son who lives in Scotland which is also my home, although at the moment I am living in Germany for a few months on a mission to restore my health.
During our conversation I mentioned my experience to my son because I still felt a need to apologise and explain and I caught his noticeable physical reaction of surprise as tears sprang to his eyes. He said he would come back to the subject and proceeded to tell me about the past five days when no less than three close friends had confided in him their current feelings of deep pain and confusion. This had taken a lot out of him as he has his own issues to deal with and he needed to off-load onto someone to help try and make sense of it all. He and I have always been very close and in tune spiritually.
He then told me that yesterday he had visited an exhibition with a few friends which unexpectedly turned out to be a deeply powerful spiritual and therapeutic experience. One of the interactive exhibits involved writing a letter of forgiveness to someone and immediately my son wrote himself a letter concerning his regret that he had never acknowledged or said what “a wonderful person his Mum is”!!!!!!! It was now my turn to wipe away the tears and I was completely lost for words at the incredible synchronicity of what we had independently experienced more or less at the same time.
There is no rational explanation for what has happened and I am left with an enormous sense of awe. By feeling the pain so deeply for specifics that occurred years ago it seems now that I may have released and healed it – did my son pick up on this and did he choose to become a part of that healing process? I can't ever know, but what I do know is that something very powerful indeed has occurred.
With reverence and immense gratitude for all that it is and for this infinitely loving universe we are a part of.
Yesterday, due I'm pretty sure to the effects of a deep homeopathic remedy, I spent the whole day entangled in a dark web of regret and guilt over the fact that I had been way less than a good enough Mum (single, working, stressed, blah blah) to my two sons. I wished I could undo some of the things I'd said and done and just wanted so much to have done it all better. I felt that if I had they would have happier and more fulfilled lives now and then of course I cried and I cried. So much negativity I know, but it had obviously reared its ugly head for a reason.
And today, after a good night's sleep, the web had been replaced by clarity and a sense of inner peace. I did some yoga, fixed a problem with email access and figured out what was wrong with my mobile phone - all in all, the antithesis of what I had experienced less than twenty four hours earlier. I felt so much better about myself!
This afternoon I skyped my eldest son who lives in Scotland which is also my home, although at the moment I am living in Germany for a few months on a mission to restore my health.
During our conversation I mentioned my experience to my son because I still felt a need to apologise and explain and I caught his noticeable physical reaction of surprise as tears sprang to his eyes. He said he would come back to the subject and proceeded to tell me about the past five days when no less than three close friends had confided in him their current feelings of deep pain and confusion. This had taken a lot out of him as he has his own issues to deal with and he needed to off-load onto someone to help try and make sense of it all. He and I have always been very close and in tune spiritually.
He then told me that yesterday he had visited an exhibition with a few friends which unexpectedly turned out to be a deeply powerful spiritual and therapeutic experience. One of the interactive exhibits involved writing a letter of forgiveness to someone and immediately my son wrote himself a letter concerning his regret that he had never acknowledged or said what “a wonderful person his Mum is”!!!!!!! It was now my turn to wipe away the tears and I was completely lost for words at the incredible synchronicity of what we had independently experienced more or less at the same time.
There is no rational explanation for what has happened and I am left with an enormous sense of awe. By feeling the pain so deeply for specifics that occurred years ago it seems now that I may have released and healed it – did my son pick up on this and did he choose to become a part of that healing process? I can't ever know, but what I do know is that something very powerful indeed has occurred.
With reverence and immense gratitude for all that it is and for this infinitely loving universe we are a part of.