Mike
23rd July 2015, 22:05
ok,
this is a parody thread. satire. it'll include faux interviews, news stories etc dealing with all things "alt". i'll be posting here from time to time when i need a creative release, and i encourage others to do same when the spirit moves them
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this week we profile dr.--ski, a holistic doctor who refuses to practice or even confess to knowing the meaning of the word 'holistic' for fear that it might result in his death. we dedicate ourselves nobly to scratching the surface in this fascinating story, for digging deeply may result in our deaths as well.
dr --ski is here to not promote his line of supplements he will no longer be selling, and we do our best to not find out why. up until now he's refused interviews, and he still does.
why? we asked him
dr: why what?
why do you refuse to give interviews?
dr: well, if id agreed to be interviewed in the first place i might have answered that, but as it stands i prefer to sit back and strongly imply my answers to the point of obviousness, but not quite...
why?
dr: 'well that should be obvious' he noted, and after grunting and winking and nodding fruitlessly, he proceeded to write the word "they" on a scrap piece of paper. this was followed up by his mimicking a gun with his left hand, which he then placed on the side of his head. "pow" he said dryly
you think they will kill you?
after nearly 20 minutes of attempting but failing to communicate the word "yes" thru pantomime and gestures and symbols and various other charade like contortions, dr --ski went outside and pee'd the word into the snow.
exactly who are "they"? we asked him
dr: how should i know?
then how do you know theyre trying to kill you?
dr: how do you know they arent?
how could we possibly answer that question?
dr: exactly!
so we understand you are no longer practicing...
dr: correct. no longer giving interviews either..
and yet youre giving one right now..
dr: mention that again and ill stop the interview immediately..
fair enough. couple more questions..
dr: you ask alot of questions.
well, its an interview
dr: the hell it is! i dont do interviews. they'll kill me if i do.
but youre sill promoting your supplement line-
dr: wrong, im here not to promote it. promoting health and wellness can get you killed. im a milab so you cant really trust me, but trust me..i know what im talking about
im confused
dr: fish oil can help with that..but thats strictly off the record
"they?"
dr: i dont know what youre talking about. if i did, they'd kill me.
so fish oil eh?
dr: yes
how can we trust you?
dr: you cant, but im telling you - its the truth. look, can we please get to work on not promoting my supplement line?
yes, of course, youre here to promote-
dr: no, im here *not* to promote it. you see, its a matter of survival. thats also why i refused your interview request
i see
dr: i dont think you do
**********************************
this is a parody thread. satire. it'll include faux interviews, news stories etc dealing with all things "alt". i'll be posting here from time to time when i need a creative release, and i encourage others to do same when the spirit moves them
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
this week we profile dr.--ski, a holistic doctor who refuses to practice or even confess to knowing the meaning of the word 'holistic' for fear that it might result in his death. we dedicate ourselves nobly to scratching the surface in this fascinating story, for digging deeply may result in our deaths as well.
dr --ski is here to not promote his line of supplements he will no longer be selling, and we do our best to not find out why. up until now he's refused interviews, and he still does.
why? we asked him
dr: why what?
why do you refuse to give interviews?
dr: well, if id agreed to be interviewed in the first place i might have answered that, but as it stands i prefer to sit back and strongly imply my answers to the point of obviousness, but not quite...
why?
dr: 'well that should be obvious' he noted, and after grunting and winking and nodding fruitlessly, he proceeded to write the word "they" on a scrap piece of paper. this was followed up by his mimicking a gun with his left hand, which he then placed on the side of his head. "pow" he said dryly
you think they will kill you?
after nearly 20 minutes of attempting but failing to communicate the word "yes" thru pantomime and gestures and symbols and various other charade like contortions, dr --ski went outside and pee'd the word into the snow.
exactly who are "they"? we asked him
dr: how should i know?
then how do you know theyre trying to kill you?
dr: how do you know they arent?
how could we possibly answer that question?
dr: exactly!
so we understand you are no longer practicing...
dr: correct. no longer giving interviews either..
and yet youre giving one right now..
dr: mention that again and ill stop the interview immediately..
fair enough. couple more questions..
dr: you ask alot of questions.
well, its an interview
dr: the hell it is! i dont do interviews. they'll kill me if i do.
but youre sill promoting your supplement line-
dr: wrong, im here not to promote it. promoting health and wellness can get you killed. im a milab so you cant really trust me, but trust me..i know what im talking about
im confused
dr: fish oil can help with that..but thats strictly off the record
"they?"
dr: i dont know what youre talking about. if i did, they'd kill me.
so fish oil eh?
dr: yes
how can we trust you?
dr: you cant, but im telling you - its the truth. look, can we please get to work on not promoting my supplement line?
yes, of course, youre here to promote-
dr: no, im here *not* to promote it. you see, its a matter of survival. thats also why i refused your interview request
i see
dr: i dont think you do
**********************************