What really matters at the end of life - BJ Miller Zen Hospice project

[Constance]

This is a moving, profound, touch-your-heart and incredibly liberating and exhilarating video by BJ Miller, founder of the Zen Hospice Project.

It spoke to my soul...

Here is an excerpt from what he had to say.

"Parts of me died early on, and that’s something we can all say one way or another. I got to redesign my life around this fact, and I tell you it has been a liberation to realize you can always find a shock of beauty or meaning in what life you have left, like that snowball lasting for a perfect moment, all the while melting away. If we love such moments ferociously, then maybe we can learn to live well – not in spite of death, but because of it. Let death be what takes us, not lack of imagination."


https://www.ted.com/talks/bj_miller_what_really_matters_at_the_end_of_life?l anguage=en

[ZooLife]

Sweet inspiring story shared about Jeanette in this video @ 13:21 mark.

Ahhh, the simple things, in the moment, that are so powerful but often missed in the rush-rush world.

http://www.mactoons.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/enjoy-the-little-things-in-life-quote-with-simple-classic-design-quotes-about-enjoy-the-moment-930x930.jpeg

[kirolak]

Thank you for that! Personally, I feel we should prepare for death all life long, whatever our age or state of health.:sun:

[idiit]

I actually "street preach" to my associates ( I only have one true human friend) on "what really matters at the end of life". :)

^ 'cause it's important imo.

two basic gangs;

1).life ends and it's over

2).life just starts ( spirits don't die, they just move on) take

if one wants their life to matter then they need to look back on their life/lives just before the current "vehicle" runs out of gas and say; what did I accomplish?

it's what one could call their accomplishments that determine their life's meaning imo.

I've read that many indigenous ppl believe in a dance to "the gods" or "the great source" representing their life's experiences, accomplishment etc... before their death.

if we die then "what does it matter"?

I think Hillary got it wrong! :)

[ZooLife]

It's what one could call their accomplishments that determine their life's meaning imo.


What you describe here is what I call life's temporal meaning.

'Life' itself is the greatest meaning regardless of any accomplishments. In fact, life's accomplishments pale in comparison.

[idiit]

'Life' itself is the greatest meaning regardless of any accomplishments. In fact, life's accomplishments pale in comparison

^ lots of smart ppl ( including many I respect a lot) writing great articles agreeing with you.

I just don't get it.

I feel that most of what we've gone thru is a great big con game in a false reality.

I want my life to matter.

I have lived my life so that it does matter; at least to me.

i'm looking to the future. it's like we are in the school of hard knocks and what we get done here determines where we get to do in the next reincarnation to me. good analogy imo as some kids don't graduate. the kids that do graduate have to qualify for entrance into military ( grunts, officer school, military training programs provided at no cost, etc...), ivy league colleges, whatever....

some of the kids that don't graduate go on to become very successful in their lives. some go to jail. some clean toilets and mop floors.

i'm willing to go thru self empowerment programs be they spiritual, employment career, physical appearance, health, fitness, whatever.....

the idea that life itself is the meaning is alien to me.

[LittleTree]

Interesting...duly noted, certainly worth deep consideration. I did let it go two weeks ago with a turn of events, the ombudsman appeared as an option. Do you leave a loved one in quicksand and walk away when there is no one else around or do you extend a branch...there are ALLways limits and boundaries, when to stay, when to walk away. I feel excellent and strong in my constitution to walk away when it no longer serves any party involved...move peacefully as possible on earth, yet open up for the love of this place and lend a hand...


When a situation becomes too complex,
or people in my life become high-maintenance, beyond my ability to cope,
I hand the whole caboodle over to the universe.
Sort of, like "Atlas shrugged". I drop it all and simply go on strike.

In two weeks it will all be forgotten anyway, what with everything moving so fast these days.
Discovering myself, getting self knowledge, meant also that I found my limits, or boundaries.
When I'm ready to increase those outer boundaries the energies will suddenly be provided.

Now that I know that I have an obsessive-compulsive nature I have also learnt when to turn it off,
so as not to take my life further down the drain hole.

Not all apparently spiritual love situations are authentic.
Deception can even appear in the eyes of a needy puppy.
Thought I'd share these insights.... A little snipet from an email to her handler one time:


I marvel at your view, your very own special orb. I trust this work we are all participating in, I can hardly fathom what she is accomplishing on a soul level for the transformation of this earthly energy of our elders. It's an amazing experience playing out ever so perfectly, sweetly and as graciously delicious as we can all muster and I am forever honored to serve where I am allowed. http://projectavalon.net/forum4/showthread.php?30405-Here-and-Now...What-s-Happening&p=1000859&viewfull=1#post1000859

[PurpleLama]

Do you leave a loved one in quicksand and walk away when there is no one else around or do you extend a branch...there are ALLways limits and boundaries, when to stay, when to walk away.


Be wary of those in perpetual need of saving, some seek the saving with no intention of ever being saved. Such a person will suck up all your time and energy, when your energy is much better used productively elsewhere.

This is a separate point, and no reflection on the participants of the conversation this point was taken from. But, it is a good point to consider when determining who to leave in the quicksand and who to pull out of the mire. That all being said, one nonetheless learns, and learns, and learns.

[Constance]

Is Jinx in a position to share with you how she feels about the whole situation?

[LittleTree]

Hello Breal,

My questions, that I attempted to present should have been far more defined!
I naively and "awkwardly" invited people to consider critiquing a cover letter pertaining to- a newly risen window of special opportunity. A very joyous occasion for a friend and myself. aside from...assist our elderly, by helping one caught up in a treacherous system of "our" very own doing....

I meant to ask help in deciding how to shape my little cover letter..no big deal really....
My request from the Ombudsman, was to compile all relevant email exchanges (not a ream tho) between myself and the POA (5 years worth) by Monday.

More directly, I should have asked "what approach will serve her new window of possibility (sovereignty, a little dignity and quality of life) the best?
I was trying to figure out whether to leave all the explaining, and attempting to establish- that she is a woman "worthy of saving" in this cover letter.
Again, my apologies for lack of clarity. I wanted to ask, does it add or detract from the purpose of the cover letter.

Going deeper than the obvious. It patiently took 5 years and a lifetime friendship to figure out if "she is worthy of saving"!
My heart sinks and my body weakens to read these posted inquiries here, And yes, we have all been burned...ouchies yielding yummy expansion no matter how you toss it!

Also, dealing with a high powered bully such as this POA has been so intellectually fun and challenging.
The challenge for me was to accomplish the necessary - without big drama that she wanted. Never a malicious, vindictive, mean intent from my mouth or pen! That has been the sweat and labor of this love fest. No one cares "how bad the POA is". Her initial intentions and help to our mutual friend were honorable. Things change, there is very little drama here, just free the woman is all we ask!

So much love and celebration of spirit...I was honestly hoping all could read into this post enough to feel my complete joy of my friends possibly freedom.

I really missed that mark, the few replies did not move beyond questions of "is she (one of us humans) actually worth "saving"!

Please forgive my mannerism in this...peace.

[PurpleLama]

Let death be what takes us, not lack of imagination.

That was awesome.

[LittleTree]

Shoulda also replied, yes she is in total position to share "how she feels"!

[Constance]

Shoulda also replied, yes she is in total position to share "how she feels"!

I think that is a very good letter, very heartfelt and a righteous plea for Jinx to have a good and just and happy life right to the end. We are all worthy of the right to live a peaceful life. Good on you for being there for her.
Because you have loved and appreciated her company so much, I don't know that anyone (unless they knew Jinx of course) could add anything more except to say, Jinx herself!
I have got a feeling that if you asked Jinx for her thoughts and then recorded them on audio or took notes that she would add all the benefits of the years of her wisdom to the mix.
:bearhug:

[Constance]

I look forward to hearing more about how you get on with it all :bearhug:

I have been a bit of an advocate for friends who have been forced into nursing homes or hospitals or palliative care due to ill health.

I knew one dear couple for many years. They didn't have any kids due to a very unfortunate circumstance but they thought of me as their granddaughter. They were a gorgeous couple. I loved them dearly.

Billy had started going to the gym at the age of 65 on the advice of a doctor because he had emphysema, asbestosis and advanced osteoporosis in both his hips.

I used to swim daily at the gym he went to and we became fast friends.

He was 75 when I first met him. He was bronzed, muscle bound and the most upbeat person you could ever hope to meet.

He had so many friends. He made friends wherever he went and everyone loved his enthusiasm for life.

Vilma was his soul mate and companion for 60 years. I watched them celebrate their 60th wedding anniversary together. It was amazing.

Vilma did everything for Billy because he was slowly becoming more immobile as the hips gave out.

He couldn't have an operation to replace his hips because the medical establishment were worried that his lungs wouldn't cope. The pain could be unbearable as bone ground upon bone. However, amazingly enough, he still drove to his beloved gym and cafe every day.

They eventually had to move to a retirement village when the house they lived in became too much for them.

I would visit Billy to relieve him of the pain he suffered in his hips. I'd do hypnotherapy with him and he would float off into paradise, with a brief respite of the pain that could be so intense.

He was in and out of hospital so many times but nothing could ever hold him down.

He was incorrigible. Even when he contracted Golden Staph in the hospital, he would always have a smile on his face and constantly joked.

Eventually, Billy had to go into a nursing home because Vilma just couldn't cope anymore. She had an aggressive brain tumour unbeknownst to anyone at the time and was becoming increasingly moody and forgetful.

With the help of Vilma's brother, we moved Billy from nursing home to nursing home.
He had too many falls and incidents in facilities that were understaffed, with staff who were underpaid and often department heads who were dismissive of his needs.

Add to that a terrible diet, being separated from his beloved Vilma and no social life was just anathema for Billy.

Everything that had ever meant something to him was gone and he was left alone for the most part because his wife was slowly dying herself of the brain tumour and his brother-in-law and I were his only visitors. Billy was too ashamed to have others visit.

He ended up in hospital for the final time with a massive infection of the lungs.

The last time I saw him alive, he was hallucinating about playing football with his mates. He reached out to catch an imaginary ball that wasn't there. He died the next day.

His wife died only months after him. We found her a lovely spot in palliative care where the nurses were so beautiful and so caring. The gardens were extensive and she would sit outside for a brief period every day amongst the roses until she slipped into a coma.

I still have a photo of them, sitting together on their first date, smiling radiantly, two love birds forever more.

[LittleTree]

Turtle Rattle Woman....Aho!

Her powerful Shaman Spirit Re-Emerging!


Thank You for asking!

I spoke w the Ombudsman's office and my friend, she is optimistic about her interview and said it went great!

I have an unresolved tech issue (laborious system reboot!) that assisted in posting her pic twice above.


Unable to gather momentum to get very far all weekend, it took all morning to prepare, convert to pdf and fax...hee, hee, hee...FAX! archaic
govie bureaucracy


I realized at some point while focused, that she could be simultaneously in the interview w her case workers. I smiled and sat with that. Then realized
the queasy roller coaster ride with this re-read, re-absorb - is adding perfect fuel to this current common goal, like both of us, flushing out lotsa crazy prison blues today.
letting goodness and clean-up flow all over 'a wee bit o reptilian darkness. Between the two of us, a sweet dose of co-creation at it's finest!

[DeDukshyn]

Embrace the angel of death, do not fear it, for it can give you your life if you embrace and respect it.

[LittleTree]

Just saw your story, Thank You. My favorite peeps. I LoVe a good story and their weave is intimately blended. My life is rich from this time joyfully spent.

Neither could, nor would want to consciously dream up the drama our elderly endures.

One night, one honest senior moment screw-up and poof...15 years later!


Opening those ALF doors one by one, may all their divine hearts...feel the warmth of the sunshine again, a kick ass sunset in physical before they go

...for we are so sorry!

[Mike]

Is there a reason this guy is trying to talk like Morpheus?:wink:

You guys ever notice that when someone wants to sound wise and all knowing they affect this way of speaking that involves a dramatic and precise pronunciation of each and every word spoken??

Hey, it's my only complaint!:) I found it slightly distracting...but it didn't stop me from enjoying the speech, which was a damn good one...intellectually stimulating and emotionally moving.

I've worked in hospitals. I know the game. Maybe hospitals aren't built for the emotional and spiritual needs of the dying, but they absolutely should be. In any sane culture that would be the point.

I think it's a wonderful thing this man is doing.

[Constance]

Is there a reason this guy is trying to talk like Morpheus?:wink:

You guys ever notice that when someone wants to sound wise and all knowing they affect this way of speaking that involves a dramatic and precise pronunciation of each and every word spoken??

Hey, it's my only complaint!:) I found it slightly distracting...but it didn't stop me from enjoying the speech, which was a damn good one...intellectually stimulating and emotionally moving.

I've worked in hospitals. I know the game. Maybe hospitals aren't built for the emotional and spiritual needs of the dying, but they absolutely should be. In any sane culture that would be the point.

I think it's a wonderful thing this man is doing.

I'm glad you could get past how he sounded and that it was only slightly distracting...:bigsmile:

I was gunning for him though because I felt that he was nervous. I knew the message was going to be good so I hung in there.

I have seen some TedTalks where it is painfully obvious that the speaker is nervous, or has practised too much and sounds very stilted.

You know what makes really makes me squirm?

Whenever I hear the sound of my own voice in a playback. :boom:

¤=[Post Update]=¤


Thank you for that! Personally, I feel we should prepare for death all life long, whatever our age or state of health.:sun:

:bowing: I agree. As Carlos Casteneda once said "Live like death is looking over your shoulder"

[Mike]

Oh man! Breal, me too! I absolutely loathe the sound of my voice. Can't stand it! Listening to myself on playback is absolutely horrifying.

You're right - it did sound too practiced...even the sighs sounded a little contrived. But it's hard to find fault with this man. I love what he's doing. Very noble.

[Constance]

Oh man! Breal, me too! I absolutely loathe the sound of my voice. Can't stand it! Listening to myself on playback is absolutely horrifying.

You're right - it did sound too practiced...even the sighs sounded a little contrived. But it's hard to find fault with this man. I love what he's doing. Very noble.

I now possibly think that we are not alone in how we feel about our voice's Mike? Makes me wonder how many others don't like the sound of their own voice? :silent:

I've even tried modulating the voice for whenever I have to do anything that is recorded but still end up sounding like a squeaky door with an Aussie accent!!

My son laughs long and hard whenever I try to do hypnosis on him. He thinks I sound ridiculous. (and I probably do):bigsmile:

[DeDukshyn]

Oh man! Breal, me too! I absolutely loathe the sound of my voice. Can't stand it! Listening to myself on playback is absolutely horrifying.

You're right - it did sound too practiced...even the sighs sounded a little contrived. But it's hard to find fault with this man. I love what he's doing. Very noble.

I now possibly think that we are not alone in how we feel about our voice's Mike? Makes me wonder how many others don't like the sound of their own voice? :silent:

I've even tried modulating the voice for whenever I have to do anything that is recorded but still end up sounding like a squeaky door with an Aussie accent!!

My son laughs long and hard whenever I try to do hypnosis on him. He thinks I sound ridiculous. (and I probably do):bigsmile:

My voice is equally stupid sounding when recorded .. all nasally and ****. I do have times when it works though, and to give us all a little credit, a proper studio microphone and raising the 90-110 hz mark a bit makes quite a difference ... cheaper mics / recording equipment does no one's voice justice.

[Constance]

Oh man! Breal, me too! I absolutely loathe the sound of my voice. Can't stand it! Listening to myself on playback is absolutely horrifying.

You're right - it did sound too practiced...even the sighs sounded a little contrived. But it's hard to find fault with this man. I love what he's doing. Very noble.

I now possibly think that we are not alone in how we feel about our voice's Mike? Makes me wonder how many others don't like the sound of their own voice? :silent:

I've even tried modulating the voice for whenever I have to do anything that is recorded but still end up sounding like a squeaky door with an Aussie accent!!

My son laughs long and hard whenever I try to do hypnosis on him. He thinks I sound ridiculous. (and I probably do):bigsmile:

My voice is equally stupid sounding when recorded .. all nasally and ****. I do have times when it works though, and to give us all a little credit, a proper studio microphone and raising the 90-110 hz mark a bit makes quite a difference ... cheaper mics / recording equipment does no one's voice justice.

:highfive:
:muscle: aha! The secret to a better sounding voice :handshake: thanks for the hot tip.

So that's where I have been going wrong all this time!:bigsmile: