Cutting/ Self-harm

[AngelEyes]

hello all....been a little bit since I joined and posted last....been going through a really dark spot and I feel worthless and not even feeling like I am a starseed...:( I have so much negativity inside me its unbearable. what works for me is cutting myself :'(. I know that sounds horrible but when I get upset I grab a knife and start cutting lines straight down from my wrist down my forearm...

last night was bad and my left arm is pretty sore this morning. :'(. I dont know why its so hard for me to let go and focus on being happy. voices in my head telling me I am not good enough that I am fat and ugly and no one wants me. that my husband doesnt love me. I dont know...sorry for this post. Just trying to reach out to anyone to see if they go through the same thing or not?!

[samildamach]

Hi angeleyes
I can only talk from the other side of the coin .my partner is bipolar and on occasion self harming.what works during these dark periods is pulling away from the trauma of the larger world .ie switch of the t.v and the negative influence ditch the magazine's and anything else which portrays the perfect body life e.t.c.switch h onto positive messages try some u tube visions with positive messages.and remember those people closest to u love u .truly I hope this helps even if just a little

[betoobig]

Wellcome to Avalon Angeleyes. Congratulations for speaking it out and thanks for sharing, that´s a great start for your recovery. You are in a dark moment but light can go in, allways, and it is starting to come in. Try ti find what trigers that anxety and accept it. Meditation is allways helpfull. Also notice is not you who cuts your body. Accept some loving energies coming your way.
Much Love

[Apulu]

Well done for sharing AngelEyes. To my mind, you're already well on your way to coming out the other side of this dark spot - no matter what the time-frame might be. You've recognised there's a problem, and you're taking action to find solutions.

I've been around a few different people who have a tendency to self harm, and whilst it seems a bit frightening and negative, it also seems a natural and understandable response - a way of externalising internal pain and conflict, so that it feels manageable.

Difficult times like these seem a bit like an immune response to me - it's our mental/emotional make up signalling that some of our current modes of beliefs and behaviors, in whatever respects, are outdated, and in need of transgression, in order to move forward. There's no going back - the only way through is to change your beliefs somehow - you just have to figure out what your emotional responses are asking you to change. Simple! (Ha ha).

Ask the universe, and be willing to act on what comes back - it might not be in any area you had so far considered. Real, positive change takes huge courage and determination - but you can do it - and part of you knows it.

Love to you

[Orph]

Although you are feeling the negative energies, the feelings (negative energies) aren't you. Don't get me wrong, the feelings are, obviously, very real. But they aren't you. I would hope that you stop doing physical harm to yourself. And then learn how to stop doing emotional harm to yourself too. That is, stop thinking that you are unworthy and stuff.

This isn't an easy thing to overcome. Not at all. But you have to start somewhere. So start by loving yourself. Just quietly tell yourself that you are worthy. There is a tremendous amount of love in your heart. I know this because you wouldn't be able to feel all this bad stuff if the love wasn't there as well. So feel the love and understand that it's your love. so love yourself. Feel your own love for yourself. All the love and acceptance that you need and want to feel has to come from the inner you anyway. You have to open up to your own inner self.

Next, be open to all the love you can feel from the people here.

:sun:

[Pam]

AngelEyes, I do understand what you are saying. In the past, I have done the same thing. For me, it was a way to physically manifest the extreme psychic pain that I was dealing with. I guess it allowed me to change my point of focus from psychic pain to physical pain. What I discovered was that a lot of the psychic pain I was experiencing was happening because I refused to accept the here and now. I slowly learned to practice accepting people, places and things that I couldn't change. The more I am able to do this, the less pychic pain and depression I experience.

You can PM me any time if you like. I will always make myself available if you would like someone to listen to you. I am a very good listener.

With love and understanding,
Pam

[RunningDeer]

Hello AngelEyes,

This thread may help (http://projectavalon.net/forum4/showthread.php?86577-Remove-Implants-AI-tech-entities-emotional-psychological-and-energy-drain&p=1016844&viewfull=1#post1016844) loosen the grip of the internal dialogue that keeps you going round and round. If you’re short on time jump down to the video on post #3 (http://projectavalon.net/forum4/showthread.php?86577-Remove-Implants-AI-tech-entities-emotional-psychological-and-energy-drain&p=1016849&viewfull=1#post1016849). There’s also a loose transcript for a quick read.

Much Love,
RunningDeer ♡


http://avalonlibrary.net/paula/Healed/merry-go-round_zpsxnrpqqn3.JPG

[Robin]

Hello AngelEyes. :)

You posting your emotional turmoil is testament to the strength you possess, and I comend you for reaching out. May I suggest that you feeling worthless is a product of being a starseed, rather than a failing mission? Those of us who incarnate down here feel so distraught simply because we are not used to such a low energy and destructive way-of-living. It is a shock to our system that gets worse when our creativity is suppressed by society and our ideas are shot down.

You are not alone. Paula's thread is a treasure trove of great information...as well as compassionate energy. I was stuck in a pit of despair for a long time due to depression, but I found the power to overcome it. I do still climb the ladder into the pit now and then, but when I have enough sulking, I climb back up the ladder to see daylight when I'm ready.

I've outlined some of my experiences on this thread (http://projectavalon.net/forum4/showthread.php?84902-5-Facts-about-depression-nobody-talks-about&p=994215&viewfull=1#post994215). Do not hesitate to PM me. I would be more than happy to share things that have worked for me.

Remember...tomorrow has the potential to be a better day. I promise. :)

[Bill Ryan]

:bump:

I'm bumping this important thread, and plea for help. I feel I have little of substance to offer myself, as I just don't understand this phenomenon very well.

But I know it's very real. My thanks to anyone who's able to offer AngelEyes any support, advice, or wise words of any kind... she's a fairly new member, and we welcome her here where kindred spirits may abound. It can be pretty lonely out there sometimes. Here, we intend, not so.

:bearhug:

[greybeard]

Angel Eyes
I think it is important to get professional help and there are possibly self help groups in your area which you could get directed to.
Talking to others with similar feelings is important.

Having been through--nobody loves or understands me, to the point of being suicidal. I am well aware of the help a group can give.
In my case it was AA and that saved my life and turned it around.

Sharing here is a good start but you possibly need to be with others who have been through self harming and come out the other side.

Much love
Chris

[Bubu]

I feel worthless and not even feeling like I am a starseed...:( !

I used to believe that Im a starseed something very especial and my life is a hell now Im a nobody but the good thing is that I do not have to prove anything and life is a lot better.

[Constance]

Hello AngelEyes,

Hang in there. I have tuned into your energies now and I am doing continuous Ho'oponopono for you.

For anyone else who knows about Ho'oponopono and its amazing healing energies and would like to join me in this effort, all you have to do is tune into the energy around AngelEyes photo on her profile. I trust that this will be okay with you AngelEyes?

In the meantime, please feel free to PM me AngelEyes because I may be able to help you.

with much love,

Breal

EDIT: I should have added earlier that I have worked with many in the past who have suffered and I offer my unconditional love and support any time you should need me. :bearhug:

[Bubu]

There is quite a number of biggest scam in the history of humanity but the "ego" scam takes the cake. This is the worst implant one can have remove it and you'll be fine. Be in a place and people of positive energy.

[Bill Ryan]

I feel worthless and not even feeling like I am a starseed...:( !

I used to believe that Im a starseed something very especial and my life is a hell now Im a nobody

Well, you may have been right first time. :)

Really. And AngelEyes, too. Many starseeds have a VERY hard time arriving on Planet Earth. It can feel cruel, bewildering, lonely, and there often seems to be no manual or help desk.

[Rollo]

In my teens I remember seeing some older guys and girls doing this in my neighborhood.
They were most of the time staying on the street and causing troubles.
At the time I thought it was their way to show how strong they are.
It was probably their expression of being together and instead of doing tattoos like gang members from US
and other countries they harmed themselves.

This as well was strongly connected with criminal activities, drugs, alcohol, violence, etc.
Cultural aspect of this group, tradition that was maybe first seen in the prison and come out to the street.

This would be other instance of self-harm but still in my opinion related to emotional pain and unhappiness
maybe going back as far as childhood.

[greybeard]

I think any form of self harm is an attempt to escape from a feeling of not being loved-appreciated or similar thought emotion.

While this can be seen to be ego based this requires some understanding of what ego is before this can be accepted and applied.
When I was recovering from my affliction the last thing that would have been understood or taken on board was that my form of self harm (alcoholism)
was down to ego. I would have thought it was lack of ego which I confused with self worth.

With love
Chris

[Skyhaven]

Hi AngelEyes,

I have been in a lot of dark spots myself, remember that this too shall pass. Try to get out in nature if you can, breath deep, give your thoughts space, even if they are negative, just let them pass by, they are not you.

When you're feeling a bit better try to find the source of your negativity. Is it something in your direct environment that bothers you? Or is something deeper that seems to come from the (far) past? It can be hard to figure out what is the source of this I know, but just looking/asking for a solution like you are doing now is enough to get your sub-conscious and the rest of the universe going.

:heart:

Daniel

[Constance]

From what I am aware of, there can be any untold number of reasons for self-harm.

Anything can cause anything.

If we take a look at this wholistically, there are 12 aspects relating to our health and well-being that need to be addressed.

For example; the spiritual, the physical, the chemical, the biological, the mental and emotional, the dietary/nutritional, the biochemical, the neurological, the bioenergetic, the sociological, the environmental and the material.

Each aspect can affect every other aspect. This is where I find that you can't generalise about any one thing because it may be something related to something else.
A very pertinent example of this was one day when during a lunch break from a workshop, one of the attendees was gasping for air and could barely breathe. They were fine before they went on the break.
I know that what I am about to say next may sound incredibly far out and woo-woo but I just want to illustrate something here that could seem so completely irrelevant but was incredibly important in the end result so just bear with me on this one.
The attendee was asked what they had for lunch. We quickly established that they had fish for lunch.
When fish are caught in nets, they are tossed onto the ship and lay on the deck of a ship, gasping their last breaths as they suffocate.
Someone else may have readily dismissed the fish as a reason for that attendee gasping for air but once the correct diagnosis had been made and was treated, they recovered incredibly quickly.
It was the energetic signature of the dying fish and then the eating of it (the dietary aspect) that had then affected the spiritual aspect which had then in turn affected the biochemical aspect which in turn had affected the physical aspect.

Pinpointing and addressing the exact cause can readily bring a person back into balance.

[Ron Mauer Sr]

Hi AngelEyes,

I agree with Bill about you possibly being a starseed. That was your first thought.

When one has potential to make a significant contribution to the drama here and help with positive change, one can be targeted by negative energies who want to maintain things the way they are. I cannot say if you have been targeted, just that it is a possibility for anyone who wants to support freedom, well being, joy, love and truth.

We are all extensions of Source energy, the energy that creates worlds. Sometimes our biggest task is to use that energy wisely and not follow the programming we have all experienced that would have us give our power away to something else.

Finding ways to love oneself can be really helpful. When one loves self, one is not as dependent on others to demonstrate love and appreciation (although that is really nice).

When one does not love oneself, one cannot believe that anyone else can either. One begins to believe that posive energy from "the other" is not possible. One sees all positive energy from "the other" to be only manipulative.

When a negative thought pops into my head, I reach for another thought that is more positive. It is usually not a big step, but a small one. There is always something that I can appreciate.

When you walk past a mirror, say to the person in the mirror "I love you." Do it often.

When you think you are ready, take off all your clothes, stand in front of a full length mirror and shout "Baby I love you!". When you can do this with laughter you are well on your way.

Affirmations can also help. Sometimes when I feel something negative nearby, I use the affirmations:
"I am love."
"I am sovereign."

[sarah22]

Hey,
I have been there. It's very hard to describe to other people the feeling of "coming together" that cutting can sometimes provide. When it's this awful, cutting can be the only thing that makes you feel ok. Yes, I get it (!!), you have my total sympathy. You are obviously very strong to be reaching out and it's good that you did. Cutters are very strong people and almost across the board, we are survivors. So hang in there until you can find a therapist you like and trust, and you will get through this.

I know you probably don't feel like doing anything, but here are some things that helped me in case they might appeal. Most importantly, find things that appeal to you, those are always much better than what someone else recommends anyway.

1.) going outside, even if it means driving down a pretty road for a hour, changing the scenery for a bit, getting out of the house has often helped me when I felt like I couldn't get the negative self talk to stop or like the anxiety was going to make me explode.

2.) watching a favorite movie without expecting it to make me feel better. I know that sounds odd, but if I kind of demanded that this movie make-me-feel-better-right-now-damit!!, it rarely did. :) But when I have been in those severly depressed places when I could barely move and I said to myself, " ok, I will watch this movie/tv show without any expectation that it will make me feel better but I will just watch it and see what happens." When I did that, it always helped, even if it was just a tiny bit.

3.) Sleep- everyone tells you that it is not good to sleep too much but if it's the only thing that gives you relief, go for it. Even a twenty-minute nap has helped me at times.

4.) Acupuncture can also give some short term relief. Google "community acupuncture" or "sliding scale acupuncture" if money is tight.

5.) I am sure you know this but find a therapist you like. Even if you only talk to her or him for one session. Talking to a good therapist is what eventually helped me the most. It is so easy to cut too deep and as you know, this is serious.

6.) Call a hotline. No one likes to do it, but it can really can help when you need it. http://www.selfinjury.com/# 1-800-366-8288 or 1 (800) 273-8255.

The following article is also pretty good, esp. the part about feelings but if it doesn't appeal, then let it go. And you most likely know it all anyway. http://www.helpguide.org/articles/anxiety/cutting-and-self-harm.htm

You really have my sympathy for what you are going through right now. Hang in there, you will get through this. Lots of love, S :)

[Chip]

Hello angeleyes,
I love that name by the way. Although I can't see you and don't even know you, I can see the beauty you are and possess.
Please listen to all that was said by the great souls above. Please don't hurt yourself anymore. It hurts me just hearing about it. Know that you are loved by yourself and seek to find this. And know that you are loved by all of humanity that's awakened and even by those that are asleep (same Love, just unrealized by the ego).
Have no fear and always seek to discover.
My prayers for you my dear girl.
LOVE
Chip

[ErtheVessel]

AngelEyes, you are on an important hero's journey. So many others understand the terrible pain and confusion of that journey, and many here are sharing their insights with you and important strategies that have worked for them. As you continue on your journey, you must find your own way, your own solutions; with your own instincts you can pick suggestions and ideas from everyone who supports you, but the journey is entirely yours, and in that is the worst pain and the greatest joy of it. In finding your own way, and you will, you grow your soul and the journey itself teaches you to trust yourself and love yourself and find your deep intrinsic worth.

Thank you for reaching out, because, even though the journey is profoundly personal and solitary, paradoxically it is also relational and interdependent. In some odd, magical way, others can hold the space for us, in compassion and respect, as we find our own authentic sovereignty and strength.

[1inMany]

Dearest AngelEyes,

Life can be so painful sometimes. Sometimes it is external crap, and sometimes it is internal. I hear you. And no, you aren't alone. Look how many people felt compelled to reach back to you in response to your plea.

I know a young lady who struggles with cutting. I have known many, actually. Too many. But this particular young lady wanted desperately to stop cutting. It was emotionally painful for her to see her scars after the fact, fresh or healed it didn't matter. And it was physically painful after the fact, like you said.

She learned something that worked for her from a therapist that helped her to stop cutting completely, and I want to share it with you. You may have already heard of this, but I wanted to share just in case. Her therapist told her that when she feels the urge to cut, she should take a very hot shower instead. The kind that almost scalds your skin. The pain of the hot water can be enough to be the release that cutting is, but it leaves no permanent marks or scars or soreness. While her skin was burning from the hot water, she would think of every single reason she wanted to cut, and would release it with the water.

At first, when she tried this, she had to take a scalding hot shower every time she wanted to cut. Over time, she got to where she would store up each reason she wanted to cut and take a scalding shower every night. When she couldn't shower, she would wash her hands with scalding hot water. It has been eight months and three days since she cut last. This might be something that works for you, but I know you have to be seriously done first.

Now. All that said...it would be such a great idea for you to find someone to talk to irl. And for those topics that just wouldn't fly somewhere else, you have all these loving souls here. I'm not a health care professional, I'm not an expert on Starseeds or anything. But I'm here if you need another person to check in with, someone to listen or whatnot. Looks like you have quite the list started of people willing to do that :) There is so much waiting for you to explore when you heal from this.

Much Love,

[Dennis Leahy]

AngelEyes, I do understand what you are saying. In the past, I have done the same thing. For me, it was a way to physically manifest the extreme psychic pain that I was dealing with. I guess it allowed me to change my point of focus from the psychic pain to the physical pain. What I discovered was that a lot of the psychic pain I was experiencing was happening because I refused to accept the here and now. I slowly learned to practice accepting people, places and things that I couldn't change. The more I am able to do this, the less pychic pain and depression I experience.

You can PM me any time if you like. I will always make myself available if you would like someone to listen to you. I am a very good listener.

With love an understanding,
Pam
I am so grateful to read your message, Pam. AngelEyes, please take this hand that is reaching out to you.

[matissathepissa]

Hi. There was a time when I felt angry, worthless, insignificant, and that I didn't belong. I felt guilty for being born. I would sometimes cut myself to get some way of release. I had very negative thinking at that time. I started reading books on spirituality and self healing and I learned how to love myself and beleive I was worth something. I had to change my way of thinking. I learned how to do that through reading books on it. I had to realize when I was being negative and consciously look for the positive. Eventually this worked and I'm a very happy peaceful person. It's difficult to change the way one thinks but it's very important and ity can be done

[mgray]

AngelEyes, Thank you for your honesty.

A problem shared is a problem halved. Keep talking about it with professionals or other sufferers or here.

It can make a world of difference. I know it works for me when that committee in my head thinks they are in charge.

[kirolak]

I am so sorry your are facing this & feel alone. . . yet you are not alone, :heart:. . . there's all the positive love & psychic energy of everyone here who is concerned about you, as well as the concern & strong energy of your own Higher Self. I don't believe there is only one way to end this cycle, nor any one cause for its's beginning . . .I am related to someone who used to do this to herself too, but has stopped completely, as a result of a solemn promise she made to someone she cares about.

In the case of the person I know, it was fear of not living up to other's expectations; she could handle criticism better than praise :( Perhaps you could try her way? Solemnly promise someone you love (or the people on the forum!) that you will not disrespect yourself in this way ever again. Our bodies consist of countless apparently conscious cells, each living their own unknowable lives, taking life & death decisions at every turn without our knowledge or input; they have their evolutionary path to follow, like all living things. And by hurting oneself unnecessarily, one is contributing to the distress of these countless little forms who work to maintain our bodies as habitable vehicles for us. How marvellous it is, that these cells co-operate to hold together a Body (whether human, animal or plant) for as long as We inhabit it!

We all abuse ourselves at times, in some way or another - by smoking, drinking, & by harming other beings/animals/plants - we are all One, so self harm is harm to all, and vice versa. (I consider even listening to inferior music or looking at dark side art as forms of self abuse)

Treat the PV (Planetary Vehicle) like a car or any other means of transport (that's what it is, regardless of where your Self/spirit originated, in this or another universe) It requires basic care, nutrition, rest & maintenance. Would you slash your car's tyres? :) Take the PV out for a walk in the sun or wind or the rain, feel it intensely against the skin & consciously enjoy the sensations, even if it is cold or unpleasant weather. Stub a toe & see how amazingly the foot & then the entire body reacts!

You could also redecorate your bedroom, in colours you would not normally choose. . .move your bed so that your head is pointing South; try a food you have not tried before. The possibilities of life are endless. . above all, work in a garden, feel the soil between you toes & fingers & send your energy deep into mother earth.

Consult the I Ching! Ask for advice on your present life path, or anything else you would like to understand. Actually, there is an online version, I Ching Online (!) which I find very accurate. . .it spurs us to look into our own unconscious side, so often the Shadow; it is not an Oracle or fortune teller.

I am, like so many others who have made the same offer, also available via pm if you feel a need to chat!

Finally - Have you looked into the possibility of Astral Projection? It is something that lifts one way out of all the material problems & lets us fly free - nothing can ever really compare to it, in my experience.

Be well & happy! Please update this thread as you progress! :star: as I know you will!

[promezeus]

post deleted

[Michelle]

It's absolutely true what promezeus writes. I'm assuming you may have had some trauma and it's time to let it go.

I'm not sure if this is against the rules, but I'd like to get your address. I can send you a care package. It will have a diffuser and some essential oils that will lift your mood. I have some extra quarts crystals as well that you can hold. I wear an orgonite necklace and I will put it in a box for you. The necklace has a copper coil in it with dolphins swimming around in gold leaf. It has positive energy and I hope it helps you. I also can send extra orgonite I've made. I also have a grounding stick. It's a copper pipe that you push into the ground. It has a cord on it with a quarts crystal and copper around it. I made this myself as well. Sit outside with the sun on your face, stake the copper in the ground and hold the crystal in your hand. Ask mother (earth) to help you get rid of this block/pain. Cry it out... Ask mother to hold you.

I would light a fire and write on a piece of paper what the pain is. Tell yourself that you are getting rid of this. You are releasing it into the light. You are no longer are going to hold this pain inside you anymore. Throw the paper in the fire.

Write positive affirmations on post-its. Put them on your mirror and around the house. Whenever your mind tells you something negative, immediately say your affirmation to replace it. In time, the positive affirmations will replace the negative. Better yet, have family, friends, husband and kids to write some beautiful affirmations for you. Keep these affirmations close to your heart and look at them often.

Get some professional help as well. Unblocking this may be a painful process. It was for me. My arms show the scars of the past unfortunately:( once this pain is gone, the energy will start flowing through you better. It will heal you. Make sure you have someone professional guiding you through this process. I have to stress getting professional help as other things may come out that needs to be released. You need a safety net.

I hope this helps. I will pm you as well. I posted this publicly as I thought some of the tools I mentioned could help others in a dark place.

If someone hasn't told you today, I love you. You are a beautiful person! I know everyone who read your post has closed there eyes and sent love your way.

Love,
Michelle

[latina]

Hi AngelEyes.

I was waiting before writing a post, to see if anyone else has the same approach to this than me. But first let me congratulate you for being so brave and share your experience as painful as you describe it.
I had mine too several years ago and it lasted for years too, I think everyone has their dark night of the soul in different ways, experiences are different but at the end it’s the same: you feel unworthy, depressed, not being able to cope with things, seeing people around you even family members who are doing extremely well financially, emotionally, work wise etc. You don’t want them to know what you are going through because you feel ashamed you can’t handle what life is giving you and you don’t really don’t know what else to do to escape from the situation.
On the other hand if you share your problems what you receive from them is something like: It’s easy, just take action! do something! Don’t let life to overwhelm you and things like that, they see it so easy and they are living proof it’s not that difficult. But…how to do it? You see no escape, you are inside the hole and you don’t see a way out!
But there is a way out!! And it’s easy if you decide to do it. Let me tell you….once you understand how things work your life it’s never going to be the same…it’s going to be great!! In every way possible, trust me. You can do it, anyone can do it!
This is what I have learned over the years of reading thousands of books (literally) from renown authors, however it took time for me to go from reading to doing. Why? I thought it was too easy!! How could that work?
I could suggest to you hundreds of excellent books, or you can just go to youtube and listen to videos or lectures from some authors while doing chores (that’s what I do) or get audio books and listen to them while driving if you have a long commute. At the end we have plenty of information today if we are ready to learn.
Right away I suggest everything you can find about Dr. Joe Dispenza on how to change your life and create new one, he speaks from his own experience of being almost paralyzed from a car accident when he was very young and has proved scientifically how the change takes place. Great stuff! He has hundreds of testimonies around the world.
Bruce Lipton, Greg Braden and others you can find them easily on amazon or internet. However I’m going to give to you my easy approach, it has worked for me and for dozens more. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain is up to you and it’s the more practical thing I have found to get the same results. Right now there is a coworker doing this for two weeks and she is seeing results already even when she was very skeptical and closed minded, but she was tired of being chronically ill and not seeing results in her work. And as she put it: I’m doing it because it’s free, it doesn’t take time from my day and I have nothing to lose. I’m giving it a try!
What’s she doing? This is what a told her: I don’t have time while working to explain to you how this works (She doesn’t speak English so is very unlikely she is going to listen to the guys I mentioned before) but all I have to tell you is this: It doesn’t matter what problem(s) you have in your life: debts, lack of money, relationships, loneliness, it could be anything; those problems started when an event happened (any kind) and you gave too much attention to it. Everything you focus on, it expands exponentially: If you look yourself at the mirror one day and you don’t like what you see, you think I’m too fat! Next time you do the same and the same thought occurs an emotion is attached to that thought, that could be anger, frustration, sadness, etc so now every time you think about anything related to weight, body image, clothing, etc it’s getting worse every time.
My point here is this: Stop thinking about anything that is negative, painful or bothers you in any possible way. Every time you think about something you are giving energy to it and it makes that bigger, stronger, and more real; whatever it is. I’m talking not just about physical things, I’m talking about everything!
But, How can you stop thinking about something is already a concern in your life? Easy! You need to change the focus of your mind, let me give you an example: Debts. Every time you think a new possible way to pay those debts, doing something like getting a part time job, getting a loan, selling stuff, anything you think has as a base debts, so you will see yourself more and more in debt like magic, very soon you will be buried in debt. How can you stop that? Let me remind you that this works for any other problem you can have. All you have to do is stop thinking about your problem, not even thinking in how to fix it; it’s going to get worse anyhow. All you have to do is thinking in something else, getting your mind busy in another subject, any subject that has nothing to do with your problem. You can sing a song out loud, you can call a friend, you can go to a movie, have sex, whatever helps you to change the focus of your mind! The less you think about it, the faster it disappears from your life, it’s true and it always works!
Now, for me what works better is to say in my mind: Thank you, thank you God, universe, higher self whatever I want to thank. Thank you for whatever is working fine in my life, my eyes, my job, a child’s smile, the rain, the lack of rain, my family, you get the point. While saying Thanks I’m practicing gratitude and just that is bringing abundance and prosperity of every kind into my life and is getting my mind focused in all the good things in it. Remember I told you how thinking about something gets that bigger, stronger? Everything expands! And since you are now focused in positives in your life, little by little you are getting more of that!
It sounds too silly? I challenge you to try it for three weeks and tell me your life it’s not changed in a visible way! The only things you need to do is say or think Thank you for every little thing that comes to you mind that is positive! The only condition for this to work is that you have to do it hundreds of times a day, at least at the beginning, because you need to stop your mind habit to focus in certain things and start to focus in other things.
That’s it. Be grateful consistently about everything and you well get more of it. Remember it works both ways, so be careful. Don’t go back and focus in your problems or dislikes, people or bad situations or you will get more of it. Very soon your life goes back to happiness and abundance, lose weight, relationships are better, etc. The “HOW” this works I’m leaving you with the task of research it. For me what’s important is that it works every time, it’s a universal law. You are a creator of your reality, we are creating all the time, sometimes we focus in the wrong things and our lives get difficult.
B the way, my friend is getting better health wise and things at work are getting easier for her. She even won recognition price at work (First time) and she feels happier and calmer. Even money problems are easier now. Isn’t that great? She gives thanks for everything in her mind now while working, nobody needs to know it.

This is a link to Dr. Joe Dispenza Evolve you brain, the science of changing your mind: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VMN_Sd9qdIE


Good luck and God bless you.

[Constance]

bumping. AngelEyes may not have seen our posts.

[greybeard]

It might be an idea if when a person starts a thread the default would be automatic receiving of the ensuing posts.
As part of this would be the opportunity not to receive them.

There could be a prompt when starting a thread so that the person would be reminded of the opportunity to receive responses or not.
Some may not know that there is currently a notification possibility.

Mods might consider this suggestion.

Chris

[RunningDeer]

It might be an idea if when a person starts a thread the default would be automatic receiving of the ensuing posts.
As part of this would be the opportunity not to receive them.

There could be a prompt when starting a thread so that the person would be reminded of the opportunity to receive responses or not.
Some may not know that there is currently a notification possibility.

Mods might consider this suggestion.

Chris

FYI: I left message and a link back to here on AngelEye's message board letting her know there are many encouraging words and suggestions for her.

[AngelEyes]

Hi angeleyes
I can only talk from the other side of the coin .my partner is bipolar and on occasion self harming.what works during these dark periods is pulling away from the trauma of the larger world .ie switch of the t.v and the negative influence ditch the magazine's and anything else which portrays the perfect body life e.t.c.switch h onto positive messages try some u tube visions with positive messages.and remember those people closest to u love u .truly I hope this helps even if just a little

I dont watch tv at all to be honest. I cant even remember the last time I turned on the tv....dont look at magazines at all. not even in the waiting room... I just keep to myself in my thoughts which alot of times is a bad thing for me to do. I apologize for the delay in writing back I didnt receive any notifications that I had replies to my thread! Thank you so much for the kind words :)

¤=[Post Update]=¤


Wellcome to Avalon Angeleyes. Congratulations for speaking it out and thanks for sharing, that´s a great start for your recovery. You are in a dark moment but light can go in, allways, and it is starting to come in. Try ti find what trigers that anxety and accept it. Meditation is allways helpfull. Also notice is not you who cuts your body. Accept some loving energies coming your way.
Much Love

Thank you so much! <3

¤=[Post Update]=¤


Well done for sharing AngelEyes. To my mind, you're already well on your way to coming out the other side of this dark spot - no matter what the time-frame might be. You've recognised there's a problem, and you're taking action to find solutions.

I've been around a few different people who have a tendency to self harm, and whilst it seems a bit frightening and negative, it also seems a natural and understandable response - a way of externalising internal pain and conflict, so that it feels manageable.

Difficult times like these seem a bit like an immune response to me - it's our mental/emotional make up signalling that some of our current modes of beliefs and behaviors, in whatever respects, are outdated, and in need of transgression, in order to move forward. There's no going back - the only way through is to change your beliefs somehow - you just have to figure out what your emotional responses are asking you to change. Simple! (Ha ha).

Ask the universe, and be willing to act on what comes back - it might not be in any area you had so far considered. Real, positive change takes huge courage and determination - but you can do it - and part of you knows it.

Love to you

Yes! your right! I have been trying to get myself grounded so I am truly open to receiving messages from the universe! some meditation sessions are very emotional lots of tears and crying. :) which is good I think?!

¤=[Post Update]=¤


Although you are feeling the negative energies, the feelings (negative energies) aren't you. Don't get me wrong, the feelings are, obviously, very real. But they aren't you. I would hope that you stop doing physical harm to yourself. And then learn how to stop doing emotional harm to yourself too. That is, stop thinking that you are unworthy and stuff.

This isn't an easy thing to overcome. Not at all. But you have to start somewhere. So start by loving yourself. Just quietly tell yourself that you are worthy. There is a tremendous amount of love in your heart. I know this because you wouldn't be able to feel all this bad stuff if the love wasn't there as well. So feel the love and understand that it's your love. so love yourself. Feel your own love for yourself. All the love and acceptance that you need and want to feel has to come from the inner you anyway. You have to open up to your own inner self.

Next, be open to all the love you can feel from the people here.

:sun:

I have started to love myself. I even constructed my very own loving healing wand that I use to activate my crystal grids when i am doing healing work on myself :) so its a start I just have to keep the right mindset and stay positive and loving! :)

¤=[Post Update]=¤


AngelEyes, I do understand what you are saying. In the past, I have done the same thing. For me, it was a way to physically manifest the extreme psychic pain that I was dealing with. I guess it allowed me to change my point of focus from psychic pain to physical pain. What I discovered was that a lot of the psychic pain I was experiencing was happening because I refused to accept the here and now. I slowly learned to practice accepting people, places and things that I couldn't change. The more I am able to do this, the less pychic pain and depression I experience.

You can PM me any time if you like. I will always make myself available if you would like someone to listen to you. I am a very good listener.

With love and understanding,
Pam

thank you so much Pam! I will do that! :) this is hard but I am slowly making some progress which is better than no progress at all :)

¤=[Post Update]=¤


Hello AngelEyes. :)

You posting your emotional turmoil is testament to the strength you possess, and I comend you for reaching out. May I suggest that you feeling worthless is a product of being a starseed, rather than a failing mission? Those of us who incarnate down here feel so distraught simply because we are not used to such a low energy and destructive way-of-living. It is a shock to our system that gets worse when our creativity is suppressed by society and our ideas are shot down.

You are not alone. Paula's thread is a treasure trove of great information...as well as compassionate energy. I was stuck in a pit of despair for a long time due to depression, but I found the power to overcome it. I do still climb the ladder into the pit now and then, but when I have enough sulking, I climb back up the ladder to see daylight when I'm ready.

I've outlined some of my experiences on this thread (http://projectavalon.net/forum4/showthread.php?84902-5-Facts-about-depression-nobody-talks-about&p=994215&viewfull=1#post994215). Do not hesitate to PM me. I would be more than happy to share things that have worked for me.

Remember...tomorrow has the potential to be a better day. I promise. :)

namaste Robin! thank you so much for the loving support!

[AngelEyes]

Angel Eyes
I think it is important to get professional help and there are possibly self help groups in your area which you could get directed to.
Talking to others with similar feelings is important.

Having been through--nobody loves or understands me, to the point of being suicidal. I am well aware of the help a group can give.
In my case it was AA and that saved my life and turned it around.

Sharing here is a good start but you possibly need to be with others who have been through self harming and come out the other side.

Much love
Chris

Yeah I am unsure if my insurance will cover it?! :'( I very rarely go to the doctor because I am hardly ever sick so I never meet my deductible so I always have to pay out of pocket because insurance will pick anything up :/

[AngelEyes]

I feel worthless and not even feeling like I am a starseed...:( !

I used to believe that Im a starseed something very especial and my life is a hell now Im a nobody but the good thing is that I do not have to prove anything and life is a lot better.

But you arent a nobody! you are special just like each and every one of us! *soulhugs* to you! namaste!

¤=[Post Update]=¤


Hello AngelEyes,

Hang in there. I have tuned into your energies now and I am doing continuous Ho'oponopono for you.

For anyone else who knows about Ho'oponopono and its amazing healing energies and would like to join me in this effort, all you have to do is tune into the energy around AngelEyes photo on her profile. I trust that this will be okay with you AngelEyes?

In the meantime, please feel free to PM me AngelEyes because I may be able to help you.

with much love,

Breal

EDIT: I should have added earlier that I have worked with many in the past who have suffered and I offer my unconditional love and support any time you should need me. :bearhug:

Thank you so much! <3

¤=[Post Update]=¤




I feel worthless and not even feeling like I am a starseed...:( !

I used to believe that Im a starseed something very especial and my life is a hell now Im a nobody

Well, you may have been right first time. :)

Really. And AngelEyes, too. Many starseeds have a VERY hard time arriving on Planet Earth. It can feel cruel, bewildering, lonely, and there often seems to be no manual or help desk.

your telling me.....its been insane...all these years wondering stuff seeing stuff and seeing an aura around my head and body when I look at my shadow on the ground it would freak me out and I would want it to go away because no one elses shadow looked like that.....wow I dont know why I just randomly said this?!?!....

[AngelEyes]

Hi AngelEyes,

I have been in a lot of dark spots myself, remember that this too shall pass. Try to get out in nature if you can, breath deep, give your thoughts space, even if they are negative, just let them pass by, they are not you.

When you're feeling a bit better try to find the source of your negativity. Is it something in your direct environment that bothers you? Or is something deeper that seems to come from the (far) past? It can be hard to figure out what is the source of this I know, but just looking/asking for a solution like you are doing now is enough to get your sub-conscious and the rest of the universe going.

:heart:

Daniel

I have been trying to make time to do this! Theres a nature park not far from here I can go to for some peace a quiet. I really need to do this!!! <3

¤=[Post Update]=¤


In my teens I remember seeing some older guys and girls doing this in my neighborhood.
They were most of the time staying on the street and causing troubles.
At the time I thought it was their way to show how strong they are.
It was probably their expression of being together and instead of doing tattoos like gang members from US
and other countries they harmed themselves.

This as well was strongly connected with criminal activities, drugs, alcohol, violence, etc.
Cultural aspect of this group, tradition that was maybe first seen in the prison and come out to the street.

This would be other instance of self-harm but still in my opinion related to emotional pain and unhappiness
maybe going back as far as childhood.

yes I have had things happen in my childhood.. not good things either :/

[AngelEyes]

I think any form of self harm is an attempt to escape from a feeling of not being loved-appreciated or similar thought emotion.

While this can be seen to be ego based this requires some understanding of what ego is before this can be accepted and applied.
When I was recovering from my affliction the last thing that would have been understood or taken on board was that my form of self harm (alcoholism)
was down to ego. I would have thought it was lack of ego which I confused with self worth.

With love
Chris

yes this is something i need dire help working on! I have never been an egotistical person or maybe I have and just never realized it :(

[AngelEyes]

Hi AngelEyes,

I agree with Bill about you possibly being a starseed. That was your first thought.

When one has potential to make a significant contribution to the drama here and help with positive change, one can be targeted by negative energies who want to maintain things the way they are. I cannot say if you have been targeted, just that it is a possibility for anyone who wants to support freedom, well being, joy, love and truth.

We are all extensions of Source energy, the energy that creates worlds. Sometimes our biggest task is to use that energy wisely and not follow the programming we have all experienced that would have us give our power away to something else.

Finding ways to love oneself can be really helpful. When one loves self, one is not as dependent on others to demonstrate love and appreciation (although that is really nice).

When one does not love oneself, one cannot believe that anyone else can either. One begins to believe that posive energy from "the other" is not possible. One sees all positive energy from "the other" to be only manipulative.

When a negative thought pops into my head, I reach for another thought that is more positive. It is usually not a big step, but a small one. There is always something that I can appreciate.

When you walk past a mirror, say to the person in the mirror "I love you." Do it often.

When you think you are ready, take off all your clothes, stand in front of a full length mirror and shout "Baby I love you!". When you can do this with laughter you are well on your way.

Affirmations can also help. Sometimes when I feel something negative nearby, I use the affirmations:
"I am love."
"I am sovereign."

you know I did a positive affirmation today before I went to work. I wrote down my intentions for the day which of course was loving and positive and then I burned it! had a great day all day today!

[AngelEyes]

Dearest AngelEyes,

Life can be so painful sometimes. Sometimes it is external crap, and sometimes it is internal. I hear you. And no, you aren't alone. Look how many people felt compelled to reach back to you in response to your plea.

I know a young lady who struggles with cutting. I have known many, actually. Too many. But this particular young lady wanted desperately to stop cutting. It was emotionally painful for her to see her scars after the fact, fresh or healed it didn't matter. And it was physically painful after the fact, like you said.

She learned something that worked for her from a therapist that helped her to stop cutting completely, and I want to share it with you. You may have already heard of this, but I wanted to share just in case. Her therapist told her that when she feels the urge to cut, she should take a very hot shower instead. The kind that almost scalds your skin. The pain of the hot water can be enough to be the release that cutting is, but it leaves no permanent marks or scars or soreness. While her skin was burning from the hot water, she would think of every single reason she wanted to cut, and would release it with the water.

At first, when she tried this, she had to take a scalding hot shower every time she wanted to cut. Over time, she got to where she would store up each reason she wanted to cut and take a scalding shower every night. When she couldn't shower, she would wash her hands with scalding hot water. It has been eight months and three days since she cut last. This might be something that works for you, but I know you have to be seriously done first.

Now. All that said...it would be such a great idea for you to find someone to talk to irl. And for those topics that just wouldn't fly somewhere else, you have all these loving souls here. I'm not a health care professional, I'm not an expert on Starseeds or anything. But I'm here if you need another person to check in with, someone to listen or whatnot. Looks like you have quite the list started of people willing to do that :) There is so much waiting for you to explore when you heal from this.

Much Love,

wow never heard of this at all!!! I am going to try this!! thank you so much for sharing this with me!! !

¤=[Post Update]=¤


Hey,
I have been there. It's very hard to describe to other people the feeling of "coming together" that cutting can sometimes provide. When it's this awful, cutting can be the only thing that makes you feel ok. Yes, I get it (!!), you have my total sympathy. You are obviously very strong to be reaching out and it's good that you did. Cutters are very strong people and almost across the board, we are survivors. So hang in there until you can find a therapist you like and trust, and you will get through this.

I know you probably don't feel like doing anything, but here are some things that helped me in case they might appeal. Most importantly, find things that appeal to you, those are always much better than what someone else recommends anyway.

1.) going outside, even if it means driving down a pretty road for a hour, changing the scenery for a bit, getting out of the house has often helped me when I felt like I couldn't get the negative self talk to stop or like the anxiety was going to make me explode.

2.) watching a favorite movie without expecting it to make me feel better. I know that sounds odd, but if I kind of demanded that this movie make-me-feel-better-right-now-damit!!, it rarely did. :) But when I have been in those severly depressed places when I could barely move and I said to myself, " ok, I will watch this movie/tv show without any expectation that it will make me feel better but I will just watch it and see what happens." When I did that, it always helped, even if it was just a tiny bit.

3.) Sleep- everyone tells you that it is not good to sleep too much but if it's the only thing that gives you relief, go for it. Even a twenty-minute nap has helped me at times.

4.) Acupuncture can also give some short term relief. Google "community acupuncture" or "sliding scale acupuncture" if money is tight.

5.) I am sure you know this but find a therapist you like. Even if you only talk to her or him for one session. Talking to a good therapist is what eventually helped me the most. It is so easy to cut too deep and as you know, this is serious.

6.) Call a hotline. No one likes to do it, but it can really can help when you need it. http://www.selfinjury.com/# 1-800-366-8288 or 1 (800) 273-8255.

The following article is also pretty good, esp. the part about feelings but if it doesn't appeal, then let it go. And you most likely know it all anyway. http://www.helpguide.org/articles/anxiety/cutting-and-self-harm.htm

You really have my sympathy for what you are going through right now. Hang in there, you will get through this. Lots of love, S :)

Thank you these are all really good suggestions and i welcome them all! I have also considered seeing a reiki master for healing.

¤=[Post Update]=¤



AngelEyes, I do understand what you are saying. In the past, I have done the same thing. For me, it was a way to physically manifest the extreme psychic pain that I was dealing with. I guess it allowed me to change my point of focus from the psychic pain to the physical pain. What I discovered was that a lot of the psychic pain I was experiencing was happening because I refused to accept the here and now. I slowly learned to practice accepting people, places and things that I couldn't change. The more I am able to do this, the less pychic pain and depression I experience.

You can PM me any time if you like. I will always make myself available if you would like someone to listen to you. I am a very good listener.

With love an understanding,
Pam
I am so grateful to read your message, Pam. AngelEyes, please take this hand that is reaching out to you.

Thanks so much! <3

¤=[Post Update]=¤



AngelEyes, I do understand what you are saying. In the past, I have done the same thing. For me, it was a way to physically manifest the extreme psychic pain that I was dealing with. I guess it allowed me to change my point of focus from the psychic pain to the physical pain. What I discovered was that a lot of the psychic pain I was experiencing was happening because I refused to accept the here and now. I slowly learned to practice accepting people, places and things that I couldn't change. The more I am able to do this, the less pychic pain and depression I experience.

You can PM me any time if you like. I will always make myself available if you would like someone to listen to you. I am a very good listener.

With love an understanding,
Pam
I am so grateful to read your message, Pam. AngelEyes, please take this hand that is reaching out to you.

Thank you so much <3 namaste brother!

[jaybee]

you know I did a positive affirmation today before I went to work. I wrote down my intentions for the day which of course was loving and positive and then I burned it! had a great day all day today!


I'ts good to hear that you had a great day... :bearhug:


.

[greybeard]

Angel Eyes
I think it is important to get professional help and there are possibly self help groups in your area which you could get directed to.
Talking to others with similar feelings is important.

Having been through--nobody loves or understands me, to the point of being suicidal. I am well aware of the help a group can give.
In my case it was AA and that saved my life and turned it around.

Sharing here is a good start but you possibly need to be with others who have been through self harming and come out the other side.

Much love
Chris

Yeah I am unsure if my insurance will cover it?! :'( I very rarely go to the doctor because I am hardly ever sick so I never meet my deductible so I always have to pay out of pocket because insurance will pick anything up :/

Hi AngelEyes
Self help groups are free.
Glad you had a good day--first of many
Your day, one day at a time can start any time you decide.

Much love to you
Chris

[silverfish]

Hi angeleyes
Wondered if this was something that you might like to try ,working with paint ,clay . .Allowing these feelings and emotions a clear passage into expression .it feels lile something desperately needs to be expressed. Sorry I keep saying expressed but this is what's coming to my mind .
If you clear yourself a space make sure you're not going to be disturbed, get some paper or some clay (even mud from the garden ) what ever feels right at the time. Stand and go into your self, into your being and decide what your iintention is .. ( to know the source of your pain ? To know who you are ? To be free to express your self..) then slowly start to make marks on the paper . observe the feelings that you hold in your body . just be the watcher . do not judge yourself or your feelings just let these parts of yourself arise and express themselves here in this safe space you have created . This is not about creating a picture or art in that sense it is about allowing something that is internal to be external , to be expressed ,to be seen . what comes up can be quite uncomfortable so take your time. if you need to take a break do so but stay near your work . Take time to look at what has come forward step back so you can look at it from a distance . keep checking into your body ,what is coming up fear ,anger, strength ? Do you need to make more marks ? is it finished ?You might go through many sheets of paper or just keep going until you feel it is time to stop .
I hope this is clear enough and hope it is of some use if you try it . pm me if its not clear .
There is also a wonderful book called ' Art is a way of knowing ' by Pat B Allen which I highly. recommend.

Wishing you strength and love on your journey
silver

[RunningDeer]

I am slowly making some progress which is better than no progress at all

Yay that you’re making progress, AngelEyes. I’ve found the more I clean out the emotional gunk, the anchors, the traumas, and the false beliefs about myself and the world, the more I hear the guidance from my higher self which is a part of Source or a direct line to Source.

I prefer the direct line because in the past I’ve been duped into believing guides were there for me. When in reality they were astral tricksters that benefited from me in worry, fear, grief or sadness. I’d get just enough pick me up from them to keep me off their true intentions, such as manic/false/manufactured joy and bliss.

It takes vigilance and honesty and acceptance of my ‘perceived’ imperfections which as it turns out are guide posts of beliefs that need a redo or in most cases chucked out. I’ve learned, I’m my own worst critic. Which is the good news. I have 100% power to change it. And anyone that is not in alignment of me living the peace and love I’m come here to experience is not welcomed. No friendenemies allowed. (astral nor human)


I apologize for the delay in writing back I didn’t receive any notifications that I had replies to my thread! Thank you so much for the kind words...

For future reference, often people don’t respond by adding a quote. There’s a short cut on how to see if people posted since your last visit to it. It registers in your “news feed”. Click here, post #22 (http://projectavalon.net/forum4/showthread.php?66104-How-to-Tips-with-Visuals-for-Links-Quotes-Images-etc.&p=847929&viewfull=1#post847929), to see how to 

subscribe to a thread
how to checked a thread you posted in


Enjoy your day, AngelEyes. :hug:

RunningDeer ♡

[betoobig]

i love your new avatar, heads up brave lady... you allready sound/write and look better. don't forget to smile, please.
much love sister

[kirolak]

So glad you are doing better! :) BTW when I had the problem with my daughter, one of the very kind souls here sent me several long and very helpful articles on dealing with the temptation to cut oneself. If you can read spanish I will, with her prior permission, forward them to you if you like?

[Jules]

I have bouts with depression and battle my own demons. It sounds to me like you are having archon attacks, I would recommend that you please research the subject. I know it is horrible going through these times, it is a spiritual issue. Please know that time will pass as will the attacks, and if you can do so, do your best to resist these urges. Please know that you are not alone, and we do care about you. Please don't feed the archons.

[Constance]

Hello AngelEyes,

I am so very glad that you had a better day dearest one :inlove:

As Greybeard said, there are lots of free support groups available.

If you take a look around now at what is out there locally whilst you are feeling better, you may find yourself connecting with someone who can be your phone-a-buddy.
Most of the time we forget about all the things we can do when we are in a downward spiral and a buddy helps to remind you of all that you need to do to get yourself back in a good space again.

And of course, there is everyone here :waving:

I stand behind RunningDeer with her comments about your higher self.

Have a conscious connection with Source. What I mean by this is that you imagine that you are standing before source constantly. :sun: and this is where you anchor yourself permanently.
I'm not sure if you are aware of this but there is a connection between the optic nerve and the higher self. Looking slightly upwards and inwards, will help to maintain a conscious connection.

Your future self is always beckoning you on, so keep on going within because that whispering in your ears is the guidance you need.

I would also heartily recommend and encourage you to take a look at Stig Severinsen's work on the breath.

The breath can be one of the best tools in your toolkit. When we breathe from our lower belly all is good with the world.

Here is a little TedTalk he did recently that is practical and loving.
Stig says that when we can control our breathing, we can control our mind. I have found it to be very true.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L9c7tkljd3A

with many big earth hugs to you :bearhug:

[kirolak]

AngelEyes dear, please check your pms, I've forwarded the skills that the wonderful member Noir sent me for my daughter - sort of emergency tips! :) I wanted my daughter to participate in this thread, which is why I was perhaps a bit odd in my responses, but she won't. At least she has stopped cutting herself, as I mentioned (although now she has turned her attention to her once long, lovely hair & has chopped it off like a boy - ah well, it's her hair, as she says. . .) Be well, be happy, be the beautiful woman that you are!

[AngelEyes]

Thank you all for all the loving replies! I am doing alot better and especially since yesterday with all this energy in the world and all over the globe I feel REALLY ALIVE and FULL OF LIFE!!!! my forearm itches pretty bad because its healing and i am sure I will have scarring from it but its okay. learning experience. I plan on spending time with my family this weekend to get out of the house for a little while and hopefully see the tail end of this taurid meteor shower. Theres a local lake where my folks live I can go out there and sit by the water in the dark without anyone bothering me and thats what I plan on doing this weekend!

Thanks again everyone!

I love you all!!! <3

¤=[Post Update]=¤


AngelEyes dear, please check your pms, I've forwarded the skills that the wonderful member Noir sent me for my daughter - sort of emergency tips! :) I wanted my daughter to participate in this thread, which is why I was perhaps a bit odd in my responses, but she won't. At least she has stopped cutting herself, as I mentioned (although now she has turned her attention to her once long, lovely hair & has chopped it off like a boy - ah well, it's her hair, as she says. . .) Be well, be happy, be the beautiful woman that you are!

Thankyou so much!!!! <3 <3 for all your messages!

[AngelEyes]

AngelEyes dear, please check your pms, I've forwarded the skills that the wonderful member Noir sent me for my daughter - sort of emergency tips! :) I wanted my daughter to participate in this thread, which is why I was perhaps a bit odd in my responses, but she won't. At least she has stopped cutting herself, as I mentioned (although now she has turned her attention to her once long, lovely hair & has chopped it off like a boy - ah well, it's her hair, as she says. . .) Be well, be happy, be the beautiful woman that you are!

Sending yall my light and love to you today!!! thank you so much you and everyone for the awesome support! tell her to rock that short hair!!!! :)

[AngelEyes]

Hi angeleyes
Wondered if this was something that you might like to try ,working with paint ,clay . .Allowing these feelings and emotions a clear passage into expression .it feels lile something desperately needs to be expressed. Sorry I keep saying expressed but this is what's coming to my mind .
If you clear yourself a space make sure you're not going to be disturbed, get some paper or some clay (even mud from the garden ) what ever feels right at the time. Stand and go into your self, into your being and decide what your iintention is .. ( to know the source of your pain ? To know who you are ? To be free to express your self..) then slowly start to make marks on the paper . observe the feelings that you hold in your body . just be the watcher . do not judge yourself or your feelings just let these parts of yourself arise and express themselves here in this safe space you have created . This is not about creating a picture or art in that sense it is about allowing something that is internal to be external , to be expressed ,to be seen . what comes up can be quite uncomfortable so take your time. if you need to take a break do so but stay near your work . Take time to look at what has come forward step back so you can look at it from a distance . keep checking into your body ,what is coming up fear ,anger, strength ? Do you need to make more marks ? is it finished ?You might go through many sheets of paper or just keep going until you feel it is time to stop .
I hope this is clear enough and hope it is of some use if you try it . pm me if its not clear .
There is also a wonderful book called ' Art is a way of knowing ' by Pat B Allen which I highly. recommend.

Wishing you strength and love on your journey
silver

I have actually bought some crafting tools one of them is a wood burner! I am really excited about it and I feel it will be therapeutic for me so I wont resort to cutting myself to pieces! <3

[silverfish]

Hi angeleyes
Wondered if this was something that you might like to try ,working with paint ,clay . .Allowing these feelings and emotions a clear passage into expression .it feels lile something desperately needs to be expressed. Sorry I keep saying expressed but this is what's coming to my mind .
If you clear yourself a space make sure you're not going to be disturbed, get some paper or some clay (even mud from the garden ) what ever feels right at the time. Stand and go into your self, into your being and decide what your iintention is .. ( to know the source of your pain ? To know who you are ? To be free to express your self..) then slowly start to make marks on the paper . observe the feelings that you hold in your body . just be the watcher . do not judge yourself or your feelings just let these parts of yourself arise and express themselves here in this safe space you have created . This is not about creating a picture or art in that sense it is about allowing something that is internal to be external , to be expressed ,to be seen . what comes up can be quite uncomfortable so take your time. if you need to take a break do so but stay near your work . Take time to look at what has come forward step back so you can look at it from a distance . keep checking into your body ,what is coming up fear ,anger, strength ? Do you need to make more marks ? is it finished ?You might go through many sheets of paper or just keep going until you feel it is time to stop .
I hope this is clear enough and hope it is of some use if you try it . pm me if its not clear .
There is also a wonderful book called ' Art is a way of knowing ' by Pat B Allen which I highly. recommend.

Wishing you strength and love on your journey
silver

I have actually bought some crafting tools one of them is a wood burner! I am really excited about it and I feel it will be therapeutic for me so I wont resort to cutting myself to pieces! <3

sounds great ! be free angeleyes x

[AngelEyes]

So glad you are doing better! :) BTW when I had the problem with my daughter, one of the very kind souls here sent me several long and very helpful articles on dealing with the temptation to cut oneself. If you can read spanish I will, with her prior permission, forward them to you if you like?

that would be nice. :) I cant read spanish I have just been using a translator :)

¤=[Post Update]=¤




Hi angeleyes
Wondered if this was something that you might like to try ,working with paint ,clay . .Allowing these feelings and emotions a clear passage into expression .it feels lile something desperately needs to be expressed. Sorry I keep saying expressed but this is what's coming to my mind .
If you clear yourself a space make sure you're not going to be disturbed, get some paper or some clay (even mud from the garden ) what ever feels right at the time. Stand and go into your self, into your being and decide what your iintention is .. ( to know the source of your pain ? To know who you are ? To be free to express your self..) then slowly start to make marks on the paper . observe the feelings that you hold in your body . just be the watcher . do not judge yourself or your feelings just let these parts of yourself arise and express themselves here in this safe space you have created . This is not about creating a picture or art in that sense it is about allowing something that is internal to be external , to be expressed ,to be seen . what comes up can be quite uncomfortable so take your time. if you need to take a break do so but stay near your work . Take time to look at what has come forward step back so you can look at it from a distance . keep checking into your body ,what is coming up fear ,anger, strength ? Do you need to make more marks ? is it finished ?You might go through many sheets of paper or just keep going until you feel it is time to stop .
I hope this is clear enough and hope it is of some use if you try it . pm me if its not clear .
There is also a wonderful book called ' Art is a way of knowing ' by Pat B Allen which I highly. recommend.

Wishing you strength and love on your journey
silver

I have actually bought some crafting tools one of them is a wood burner! I am really excited about it and I feel it will be therapeutic for me so I wont resort to cutting myself to pieces! <3

sounds great ! be free angeleyes x

That's what I am trying to do is free myself from the negativeness

[betoobig]

Hi ANgeleyes, try to embrace negativity... try to have a second before acting or feeling when a negative tought comes... in that very second you can choose to change your focus to a positive thought thus transmuting negativity. You are not your thoughts. You are a beutiful being in a rush moment, blessings to you.You sound just great now.
I´ve been trying to put this proccess toghether for 2 days, thanks you helped me. I just needed some inspiration.
Much Love

[silverfish]

Hi angeleyes
Allow the "negativity" to dance out on to the paper /wood .see what it looks like .
Maybe it will stomp ,gouge or tear at the paper/wood or it might just flow.. Allow. your body to release it out there into being rather than back in .It has something it wants to say
This is just an exercise to try to see more of ourselves. the places that maybe we don't know or hide from our self .
This is one of the ways that has helped me with my personal process but there are many ways and you have a lot of support here to hopefully strengthen you on your journey.
Much strength and love x

[AngelEyes]

Hi angeleyes
Allow the "negativity" to dance out on to the paper /wood .see what it looks like .
Maybe it will stomp ,gouge or tear at the paper/wood or it might just flow.. Allow. your body to release it out there into being rather than back in .It has something it wants to say
This is just an exercise to try to see more of ourselves. the places that maybe we don't know or hide from our self .
This is one of the ways that has helped me with my personal process but there are many ways and you have a lot of support here to hopefully strengthen you on your journey.
Much strength and love x

Thank you silverfish.......this morning I am having a rough time but I am not cutting myself.......just crying it out and letting it all out hopefully wont come back. just really disgusted with my body today :'(.

[silverfish]

Hi angel eyes sorry to hear things are rough . remember you are held in the love of the divine perfect as you are .
:heart::heart:

[betoobig]

My dear, give this a chance:
zQHv75ahYDQ
Love

[Sierra]

Hi angeleyes
Allow the "negativity" to dance out on to the paper /wood .see what it looks like .
Maybe it will stomp ,gouge or tear at the paper/wood or it might just flow.. Allow. your body to release it out there into being rather than back in .It has something it wants to say
This is just an exercise to try to see more of ourselves. the places that maybe we don't know or hide from our self .
This is one of the ways that has helped me with my personal process but there are many ways and you have a lot of support here to hopefully strengthen you on your journey.
Much strength and love x

Thank you silverfish.......this morning I am having a rough time but I am not cutting myself.......just crying it out and letting it all out hopefully wont come back. just really disgusted with my body today :'(.

Oh dear... Meat suits can be so irritating, so judgmental, so obsessive... It doesn't stop even when one is an old lady, I mean, c'mon!

I have a friend who is a Tibetan Buddhist, and her mentor/guru from Bhutan, says weight or appearance does not matter, it is just a temporary vehicle used to learn and evolve, which is NOT what the meat suit does.

Ever since I heard that, I've slowly come to accept decrepitude, and the wasting of the vehicle can ALSO allow the spirit to shine through clearly.

So, I'm industriously polishing my spirit as best I can between having temper tantrums that I'm a worse klutz than ever...

It was here, on Avalon, on the Here & Now thread that:heart: I realized for the first time that I loved myself. What a difference it makes. I dearly want you to love yourself too.

Joining Breal in ho' oponoopono... :)

:heart: :heart: :heart:

[Constance]

AngelEyes...:bearhug::bearhug::bearhug::heart::heart::heart:

[Ezekiel]

31957

'I love this animal with vital kindness -
the lifeforce breath that it needs to be able breathe…'

31955

…

[bettye198]

Hello Angel Eyes, precious girl. What is hard for all of us is the words. Words do not convey 100% of the feelings. To say I love you to myself, may not be altogether enough of the power one needs. In Oprah's recent Belief series on OWN, she talks about application of prayer which can be anything, including sipping tea. If I were sitting across from you now, I would ask you to see yourself not in the body you were clothed in, but your true higher self being. What do you look like in that beautiful glory? Let it speak to you. When you are comfortable with that magnificence, ask for your higher self to shield you. It can be a shield of energy, color, feathers, clouds, whatever you get, and in that shield KNOW you are a warrioress. That is touching your higher consciousness and that would never harm you only uplift you and saturate you with constant love. That shield is part of your belief system to ward off negative thoughts or voices. Live in it and see yourself embracing it a hundred times a day. That is your remedy and it will strengthen you to connect with your heavenly tribe that will assist you. You can affirm this with your heart and soul.
Much love,

[AngelEyes]

Hello Angel Eyes, precious girl. What is hard for all of us is the words. Words do not convey 100% of the feelings. To say I love you to myself, may not be altogether enough of the power one needs. In Oprah's recent Belief series on OWN, she talks about application of prayer which can be anything, including sipping tea. If I were sitting across from you now, I would ask you to see yourself not in the body you were clothed in, but your true higher self being. What do you look like in that beautiful glory? Let it speak to you. When you are comfortable with that magnificence, ask for your higher self to shield you. It can be a shield of energy, color, feathers, clouds, whatever you get, and in that shield KNOW you are a warrioress. That is touching your higher consciousness and that would never harm you only uplift you and saturate you with constant love. That shield is part of your belief system to ward off negative thoughts or voices. Live in it and see yourself embracing it a hundred times a day. That is your remedy and it will strengthen you to connect with your heavenly tribe that will assist you. You can affirm this with your heart and soul.
Much love,

I had a bad relapse today......used my box knife and cut my other arm up... :'( I swear I am such a failure...:'( everything is going good and then BAM!! I dont get it! I really dont.... Sorry for venting....I tried to talk myself out of it! I really did! temptation was so strong......I honestly wish i was in a sound proof room where I couldnt hear anything. i bet then I could connect with my higher-self? I can hear the slightest noise! the tick of a clock people 2 building away or downstairs! its like when I meditate I am listening on the outside instead of the inside and when I try it seems like the outside noises get louder and louder. looking into getting some cheap ear plugs and seeing if that helps?!

[Ezekiel]

A neglected temple of precious sentience…
-
32077
-
it becomes hectic within - times such as this are difficult - so the vital action is to be
still + alone… : in this physical stillness we begin the short work of inner quietude…

this swift practical response to the throes of pain + suffering is essential as a
precursor to deeper practices + solutions to the persistent troubles of life…

to achieve stillness use a mantra… something short + positive such as I Am Strong…
repeat this in a quiet + gentle tone within whilst breathing slow + soft + deep…

the dual track approach of positive affirmation + oxygenation will provide physical +
psychic succour to wounds that beg for attention… after all : our bodies shout for
help with all the emotional power available… this is what suffering is : a plea…

with a short amount of time the deepest wildest throes will soften + fade…

all that is required is love + patience + persistence…

I extend heartfelt sympathies + boundless love in kindness…

so please listen + explore + be brave + wise

†
-
32078
-
Faith is the essence of life…
-
32079
-
+ Quiet illumination thrives in faithful silence…

†

PS - - - - - - the substance of a single point focus meditation is responding to each
distraction whether it be internal thoughts or feelings or symbols - or disruptions
that occur from without - with a redirection of focus to in this case the mantra
which will serve as anchor as the ship is brought to safe harbour… so the
process is Mantra + Breathing [a distraction arises] back to Mantra +
Breathing [a distraction arises] back to Mantra + Breathing… + so
on + so on… stick at it and I promise it will help… I am love…
-
32081
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†

[Rocky_Shorz]

hello all....been a little bit since I joined and posted last....been going through a really dark spot and I feel worthless and not even feeling like I am a starseed...:( I have so much negativity inside me its unbearable. what works for me is cutting myself :'(. I know that sounds horrible but when I get upset I grab a knife and start cutting lines straight down from my wrist down my forearm...

last night was bad and my left arm is pretty sore this morning. :'(. I dont know why its so hard for me to let go and focus on being happy. voices in my head telling me I am not good enough that I am fat and ugly and no one wants me. that my husband doesnt love me. I dont know...sorry for this post. Just trying to reach out to anyone to see if they go through the same thing or not?!

I just sent an angel to watch over you and bring to me who is hurting you...

Thunder is ripping through the clouds...

the Sun should be out very soon for you, go stand in it, it is a twinkle of heaven's light, it will wrap around your heart, and help heal the hurt.

promise me you will start getting 30 mins a day absorbing clean radiant energy.

on the other side of our Sun, is a dark hole, anti light, but as badass, as that hole is, we stand on this side in the light...

strange question, but do you have a Dog in your life?

[AngelEyes]

for the past couple days I have been going straight to the lake on the way home from work and "sun gazing" watching the sunset because its the safest time to look directly at the sun and that has helped alot but I had an anxiety attack while I was getting my hair done last night but no one knew I had one because I held it in. Today has been just as bad! I have been in bed crying all day long and sleeping a little and having the craziest dreams ever.....

I dont know I am so drained today...I did go for a short walk to check my mail but thats about all I did outside. I will do it as you asked. 30 minutes a day. I can even do this on my lunch hour. I had been thinking about doing that during my lunch because I get an hour lunch. so I will do this! because I know I CAN!!! <3

[Savannah]

There is a good book, Cutting: Understanding and overcoming self-mutilation By Steven Levenkron. Also Marsha Linehan writes about cutting and has wonderful work books. I'm on this forum so obviously my ideas are very far from traditional. You may have the ability to see auras; however visual hallucinations occur with severe depression and mania also. If your moods cycle from depression to expansive, talkative, cant sleep, hypersexual, spend too much money that's mania and it’s called Bipolar Disorder. Thanks to President Kennedy every county in America has a free medical and mental health clinic. It may not be the best but it's a start in getting an opinion. There are many good web sites that discuss natural treatments for MH conditions. Check out
http://www.bipolar-lives.com/natural-treatments-for-bipolar-disorder.html
http://www.alternativementalhealth.com/the-role-of-amino-acids-in-bipolar-disorder-and-mental-health/
The last site talks about treatments for many different diagnoses. If it’s just plain old depression than Sam E works well. But if your Bipolar Sam E will make you manic. Thus finding out is a good idea. People who have experienced trauma, especially child abuse commonly cut themselves. If you begin to process the childhood trauma the need to cut will disappear. I don’t recommend you do it alone but if that’s your choice, books on TFT -Thought Field Therapy (referred to as tapping) works and again there are self-help work books on Amazon for trauma and depression. Hope things improve for you.

[AngelEyes]

There is a good book, Cutting: Understanding and overcoming self-mutilation By Steven Levenkron. Also Marsha Linehan writes about cutting and has wonderful work books. I'm on this forum so obviously my ideas are very far from traditional. You may have the ability to see auras; however visual hallucinations occur with severe depression and mania also. If your moods cycle from depression to expansive, talkative, cant sleep, hypersexual, spend too much money that's mania and it’s called Bipolar Disorder. Thanks to President Kennedy every county in America has a free medical and mental health clinic. It may not be the best but it's a start in getting an opinion. There are many good web sites that discuss natural treatments for MH conditions. Check out
http://www.bipolar-lives.com/natural-treatments-for-bipolar-disorder.html
http://www.alternativementalhealth.com/the-role-of-amino-acids-in-bipolar-disorder-and-mental-health/
The last site talks about treatments for many different diagnoses. If it’s just plain old depression than Sam E works well. But if your Bipolar Sam E will make you manic. Thus finding out is a good idea. People who have experienced trauma, especially child abuse commonly cut themselves. If you begin to process the childhood trauma the need to cut will disappear. I don’t recommend you do it alone but if that’s your choice, books on TFT -Thought Field Therapy (referred to as tapping) works and again there are self-help work books on Amazon for trauma and depression. Hope things improve for you.

Thank you for the information I will check the links out :)

[betoobig]

You can. You are doing it... even if you fall again. Forgive yourself. You are working in it, that sets you up in the right direction. Easy on you. I love you.
Much Love

[Innocent Warrior]

Hey beautiful :flower:


Just trying to reach out to anyone to see if they go through the same thing or not?!

Yes, in my early twenties. :bearhug:

I'm not sure what system you have in the US but here there are government funded clinics where you can see someone for free. I went to one of those clinics when I was 21 and saw a doctor every week, for eighteen months. He had done his medical degree and was in his third year of his post grad degree, to become a psychiatrist. He was available for free because he was still studying, and he was brilliant. :)

Even though I'm much like you in the way that I prefer other ways of treatment, I found the time spent with my doctor enormously valuable. More than anything, he taught me about what was happening with me and I gained a comprehensive understanding of what I was dealing with, why and how it developed. This understanding served as a solid foundation to build on in the many years of healing to come. If there is some service similar to ours available to you, I hope you consider seeing what they can offer you, it helps more than you think it would.

You are not a failure, you're amazing.

[greybeard]

AngelEyes --this too will pass.
Even though it was alcoholism I went through-- part of it is self destruct and self harm, anything to get me away/distract me from the way I was feeling, hurt, unloved, worthless.
Sharing/listening/the understanding/the company of fellow sufferers/ at AA meetings and the twelve steps of AA got me through recovering a day at a time,
There were slips--few get it without these.
I have given a link to the steps as these steps are used by recovery groups from many different types of addiction/ repeat harmful behaviour.

With love
Chris

http://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk/About-AA/The-12-Steps-of-AA

[AngelEyes]

You can. You are doing it... even if you fall again. Forgive yourself. You are working in it, that sets you up in the right direction. Easy on you. I love you.
Much Love

I love you too thank you! I really take it hard on myself when I fail because its like okay why didnt you get it right the first time?! but I know if i keep trying and believe in myself I can do it!

namaste! thank you for the love!

¤=[Post Update]=¤


Hey beautiful :flower:


Just trying to reach out to anyone to see if they go through the same thing or not?!

Yes, in my early twenties. :bearhug:

I'm not sure what system you have in the US but here there are government funded clinics where you can see someone for free. I went to one of those clinics when I was 21 and saw a doctor every week, for eighteen months. He had done his medical degree and was in his third year of his post grad degree, to become a psychiatrist. He was available for free because he was still studying, and he was brilliant. :)

Even though I'm much like you in the way that I prefer other ways of treatment, I found the time spent with my doctor enormously valuable. More than anything, he taught me about what was happening with me and I gained a comprehensive understanding of what I was dealing with, why and how it developed. This understanding served as a solid foundation to build on in the many years of healing to come. If there is some service similar to ours available to you, I hope you consider seeing what they can offer you, it helps more than you think it would.

You are not a failure, you're amazing.

Thats awesome Rachel! I will look into that and see but it seems like anything over here in the good ole US of A is NOT FREE like it is in other parts of the world because other countries actually care about their citizens.....:'( But I am going to look and see what I can find. :-)

¤=[Post Update]=¤


AngelEyes --this too will pass.
Even though it was alcoholism I went through-- part of it is self destruct and self harm, anything to get me away/distract me from the way I was feeling, hurt, unloved, worthless.
Sharing/listening/the understanding/the company of fellow sufferers/ at AA meetings and the twelve steps of AA got me through recovering a day at a time,
There were slips--few get it without these.
I have given a link to the steps as these steps are used by recovery groups from many different types of addiction/ repeat harmful behaviour.

With love
Chris

http://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk/About-AA/The-12-Steps-of-AA

Thank you!!!! so these techniques arent necessarily for AA they can be used for any kind of problem a person is dealing with?! like my own?!

[greybeard]

Yes AngelEyes as it says on the link at least to begin with you can use just one of the suggested steps.
These steps have literally changed the lives of millions.
There are many differing groups that use the steps.
However I think face to face sharing in one of these groups is essential to begin with.

I found these groups on line so Im not recommending them from personal experience but they may well be worth investigating.

With love
Chris

http://www.selfmutilatorsanonymous.org/


http://www.r-a.org/i-self-injury.htm#.VmQrKIT1E6s

[RunningDeer]

You are not alone, AngelEyes. There are a lot of ways to suspend the pain: self-cutting, drink, drugs, shopaholic, workaholic, eating disorders, i.e, anorexia and bulimia. Awareness that the system is designed to foster pain, trauma, self-loathing and taking action to step out of their game is self-empowering.

No nano-seconds of a cutting rush compares to empowerment. These are only words until you prove to yourself through personal experience. There’s a rich life to live. It begins with self-permission, choice and action steps. I wish you well on your journey.

I googled self mutilators anonymous (http://www.selfmutilatorsanonymous.org). This site even has an on-line group.


http://i1262.photobucket.com/albums/ii610/WhiteCrowBlackDeer/cut_zps4t57m1sk.jpg


Self Mutilators Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength, and hope with each other, that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from physical self-mutilation.

Here’s a couple of pages of links: Self-cutting Anonymous (https://www.google.com/search?client=safari&rls=en&q=self-cutting+anomous&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8#q=self-cutting+anonymous) and self mutilators anonymous meetings (https://www.google.com/search?client=safari&rls=en&q=self-cutting+anomous&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8#q=self+mutilators+anonymous+meetings).

With heart,
RunningDeer

[Innocent Warrior]

Thats awesome Rachel! I will look into that and see but it seems like anything over here in the good ole US of A is NOT FREE like it is in other parts of the world because other countries actually care about their citizens.....:'( But I am going to look and see what I can find. :-)

Ok, well there isn't much here either, only one in the whole city, that I'm aware of. Another option is there maybe a community project where a doctor offers their time for free, your local doctor's office or hospital should know of any clinics or community groups, it might be a good idea to ask them.

Just to add to betoobig's post; when we have to run a really long way, up an uphill, rugged road, our legs get tired and we fall over, sometimes we fall over a lot, this is not failing.

:heart:

[AngelEyes]

Yes AngelEyes as it says on the link at least to begin with you can use just one of the suggested steps.
These steps have literally changed the lives of millions.
There are many differing groups that use the steps.
However I think face to face sharing in one of these groups is essential to begin with.

I found these groups on line so Im not recommending them from personal experience but they may well be worth investigating.

With love
Chris

http://www.selfmutilatorsanonymous.org/


http://www.r-a.org/i-self-injury.htm#.VmQrKIT1E6s

aww okay thank you so much!

¤=[Post Update]=¤



Thats awesome Rachel! I will look into that and see but it seems like anything over here in the good ole US of A is NOT FREE like it is in other parts of the world because other countries actually care about their citizens.....:'( But I am going to look and see what I can find. :-)

Ok, well there isn't much here either, only one in the whole city, that I'm aware of. Another option is there maybe a community project where a doctor offers their time for free, your local doctor's office or hospital should know of any clinics or community groups, it might be a good idea to ask them.

Just to add to betoobig's post; when we have to run a really long way, up an uphill, rugged road, our legs get tired and we fall over, sometimes we fall over a lot, this is not failing.

:heart:

my doctor gave me a list of counselors some are church affiliated and some arent but all required insurance =/. So I will definitely look into this before another episode. So far I have been feeling really good! I spent part of my lunch hour outside yesterday reading in my book. and then spent the evening watching the sunset! made me feel really good! :)

[Pam]

One mental technique that I have used, AngelEyes is to mentally review the outcome and aftermath of what my self destructive actions will cause before actually doing the act. If you can make a habit of remembering the self loathing, the painful cuts and the depression that will happen after, it may be enough to stop you from actually doing it when the compulsion hits you. Thinking this way has to become a habit and it has been very helpful for me. Sending you love as I write this!!!!!
Pam

[AngelEyes]

Thank you so much Pam I will do that next time! :). I just want to get better I really do! and start loving myself more! I have found just in the past few days spending time outdoors has helped me alot so far! I am making it a habit to do this!

[Pam]

I totally agree that spending time outdoors is one of the best things we can do for ourselves. When the weather allows spending time barefoot on the earth has been very helpful for me. In the colder weather, I will use my hands to access the earth energy. I have total faith that you are on the right path and you will use this experience for your benefit.

[AngelEyes]

I totally agree that spending time outdoors is one of the best things we can do for ourselves. When the weather allows spending time barefoot on the earth has been very helpful for me. In the colder weather, I will use my hands to access the earth energy. I have total faith that you are on the right path and you will use this experience for your benefit.

Yes!!! see this is exactly what I have been doing!!! :D cause I was like dang its chilly out and if I were to go barefoot I would get sick for sure! :/ so in the evenings when I go to the lake I sit by the water and put my hands on the ground and close my eyes and look at the sun. feels so nice and warm but the air coming off the water is chilly but thats okay!!! it was so peaceful! so peaceful I dont even notice the noise of the freeway several yards away behind me :)

[Pam]

I totally agree that spending time outdoors is one of the best things we can do for ourselves. When the weather allows spending time barefoot on the earth has been very helpful for me. In the colder weather, I will use my hands to access the earth energy. I have total faith that you are on the right path and you will use this experience for your benefit.

Yes!!! see this is exactly what I have been doing!!! :D cause I was like dang its chilly out and if I were to go barefoot I would get sick for sure! :/ so in the evenings when I go to the lake I sit by the water and put my hands on the ground and close my eyes and look at the sun. feels so nice and warm but the air coming off the water is chilly but thats okay!!! it was so peaceful! so peaceful I dont even notice the noise of the freeway several yards away behind me :)


Wonderful, My dear AngelEyes!!!

[AngelEyes]

all I have to do is stick with it everyday! weather permitting of course! is supposed to be very nice all this week! sunny and warm everyday this week! I take pictures every evening when I am out there! :).

[betoobig]

Hi Angeleyes, you do have angel eyes BTW. I just have a... an idea pumped while reading you and Pam. Try to hold your breath next time you feel like harming yourself. Then breath again, if the harm will doesn´t go away, hold your breath again. Repit until is gone and you feel better.
Angeleyes, i am not sure if this is going to help at all; but i am not affraid of sharing becouse i have the greatest of intentions towards your issue. ANyway, much love.

[zen deik]

A problem shared is a problem divided in half, keep open and sharing ....you certainly have courage....

[AngelEyes]

A problem shared is a problem divided in half, keep open and sharing ....you certainly have courage....

Thank you so much! this site has been a great help! lots of awesome people here! and I am happy to say I have "STILL" been doing really well and havent picked up a razor blade at all!!! <3 really really happy! The things I do when I am upset I like to sit and love on my plants! stroking their leaves, misting them with charged rain water that I caught on days that it rained here! cleaning their vases and putting in fresh rain water! Like yesterday I was upset because my husband and I was fighting on the phone and instead of cutting myself I sat with my plants! I had actually bought a couple of kits from the dollar tree one terrarium and the other a fairy catcher flower growing kit so I put those together decorated them with nice stickers! it was fun and made me feel better plus my husband and I made up. For those of you that don't know. My husband is serving time in prison. We havent been together at all this entire time because I met him during his incarceration. So the holidays are super tough on us both because we cant be together so our tempers tend to get the best of us especially his being in there its hard for him to be happy all the time. But anyways I just wanted to let everyone know I am doing GREAT!!! and there hasnt been any CUTTING AT ALL!!! :blackwidow: How I am feeling right now! #likeabada$$ YAS!!! :D

[Bill Ryan]

havent picked up a razor blade at all!!! <3 really really happy!

:heart:

One quite good idea might be — right now, as soon as you read this, while you're doing really well! — to gather up the various blades and throw them ALL out of the house.

[Pam]

A problem shared is a problem divided in half, keep open and sharing ....you certainly have courage....

Thank you so much! this site has been a great help! lots of awesome people here! and I am happy to say I have "STILL" been doing really well and havent picked up a razor blade at all!!! <3 really really happy! The things I do when I am upset I like to sit and love on my plants! stroking their leaves, misting them with charged rain water that I caught on days that it rained here! cleaning their vases and putting in fresh rain water! Like yesterday I was upset because my husband and I was fighting on the phone and instead of cutting myself I sat with my plants! I had actually bought a couple of kits from the dollar tree one terrarium and the other a fairy catcher flower growing kit so I put those together decorated them with nice stickers! it was fun and made me feel better plus my husband and I made up. For those of you that don't know. My husband is serving time in prison. We havent been together at all this entire time because I met him during his incarceration. So the holidays are super tough on us both because we cant be together so our tempers tend to get the best of us especially his being in there its hard for him to be happy all the time. But anyways I just wanted to let everyone know I am doing GREAT!!! and there hasnt been any CUTTING AT ALL!!! :blackwidow: How I am feeling right now! #likeabada$$ YAS!!! :D


AngelEyes, thank you for sharing this with us. You really are finding alternatives to harming yourself. Isn't it wonderful when you can find ways to create inner peace and comfort after an emotional episode. I can see that you are very sensitive and have a most kind heart. I know that it is very, very hard to exist in this social structure when you have those qualities. You have a rare and beautiful gentleness about you and the natural world is yearning for the the kind of loving interaction with humanity that you just described. When you display the kind of gentle consideration to a plant all the beautiful entities in the universe smile and applaud you and maybe see that there is hope for mankind.

With much love,
Pam

[Constance]

AngelEyes, My love to you.:heart:

Such fantastic news you are sharing. :heart:

It is so great that you are taking the time out to connect with nature. You are doing so well.:clapping: Keep up the great work!!

Just keep heading in the direction you are heading. Nature has so much to offer us in the way of healing. Nature talks to us constantly and has so much to share with us.

If you can get the opportunity, do some moon-gazing. Moon-gazing is a part of all the natural and divine forces available to us.

Our diet also has a very large role to play in our health and our mental/emotional wellbeing. If you have the budget for juicing, or if you can get your hands on cold pressed juices, they can offer an instant shift in how you feel about yourself.

It is so brilliant that you connect with your potted plants!

Here is something to inspire you around plants. Whilst the whole of the following brilliant video by Wade Davis isn't dedicated to plants, there is a portion of the video that starts at 11.12 that refers to plants and how they can talk to us.

https://www.ted.com/talks/wade_davis_on_endangered_cultures?language=en



I have copied and pasted the transcribed portion here for you if you don't get time to look at the video. I've highlighted in blue, the portion that refers specifically to the divine interaction between plants and humans.




11:12
"Now, if you begin to look at the idea that these cultures could create different realities, you could begin to understand some of their extraordinary discoveries. Take this plant here. It's a photograph I took in the Northwest Amazon just last April. This is ayahuasca, which many of you have heard about, the most powerful psychoactive preparation of the shaman's repertoire. What makes ayahuasca fascinating is not the sheer pharmacological potential of this preparation, but the elaboration of it. It's made really of two different sources: on the one hand, this woody liana which has in it a series of beta-carbolines, harmine, harmaline, mildly hallucinogenic -- to take the vine alone is rather to have sort of blue hazy smoke drift across your consciousness -- but it's mixed with the leaves of a shrub in the coffee family called Psychotria viridis. This plant had in it some very powerful tryptamines, very close to brain serotonin, dimethyltryptamine, 5-methoxydimethyltryptamine. If you've ever seen the Yanomami blowing that snuff up their noses, that substance they make from a different set of species also contains methoxydimethyltryptamine. To have that powder blown up your nose is rather like being shot out of a rifle barrel lined with baroque paintings and landing on a sea of electricity. (Laughter) It doesn't create the distortion of reality; it creates the dissolution of reality.
12:35
In fact, I used to argue with my professor, Richard Evan Shultes -- who is a man who sparked the psychedelic era with his discovery of the magic mushrooms in Mexico in the 1930s -- I used to argue that you couldn't classify these tryptamines as hallucinogenic because by the time you're under the effects there's no one home anymore to experience a hallucination. (Laughter)
12:53
But the thing about tryptamines is they cannot be taken orally because they're denatured by an enzyme found naturally in the human gut called monoamine oxidase. They can only be taken orally if taken in conjunction with some other chemical that denatures the MAO. Now, the fascinating things are that the beta-carbolines found within that liana are MAO inhibitors of the precise sort necessary to potentiate the tryptamine. So you ask yourself a question. How, in a flora of 80,000 species of vascular plants, do these people find these two morphologically unrelated plants that when combined in this way, created a kind of biochemical version of the whole being greater than the sum of the parts?
13:32
Well, we use that great euphemism, "trial and error," which is exposed to be meaningless. But you ask the Indians, and they say, "The plants talk to us."
13:40
Well, what does that mean? This tribe, the Cofan, has 17 varieties of ayahuasca, all of which they distinguish a great distance in the forest, all of which are referable to our eye as one species. And then you ask them how they establish their taxonomy and they say, "I thought you knew something about plants. I mean, don't you know anything?" And I said, "No." Well, it turns out you take each of the 17 varieties in the night of a full moon, and it sings to you in a different key. Now, that's not going to get you a Ph.D. at Harvard, but it's a lot more interesting than counting stamens. "

with all my love,
Breal

[betoobig]

Angelseyes you are doing it. You brought us all with you. Please turn this thread of yours into a powerfull update, your now, a great one.
I love you.
Juan

[bettye198]

Let us know how you are progressing Angel Eyes. You have the tools and the love from all of us. Remember to throw out the sharp knives and razor blades. Do it. Make your 2016 a journey of faith and strength and learning. Find kindred spirits and pour YOUR love on another. We grace each other, like a circle be it plants or gems or trees or people or babies. It always comes back to us. Oh, and only watch inspiring movies from now on. Where you cry out your soul with love and enjoyment and hope and peace. Blessings this year and every year precious one.