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View Full Version : Hold Hands, Make Faces, and Laugh!



Joe Sustaire
19th November 2015, 04:02
Well this is just a little sampler of my wife, Patty's, ability to express her love in the last couple of years of her life. I talked about her some in the Alzheimers thread here on PA, and wanted to share a bit more now that she has moved on.

The title of this thread comes from a song I wrote on a very hard day when I was hurting and feeling sorry for myself about the loss I was feeling from Patty's illness. Which would have been a pretty sad and sorry song in itself until I realized that "You know in truth, some days aren't so bad, when we hold hands, make faces and laugh. Then for a while everything is all right."

As her speech skills deteriorated she used hand holding, kisses, winking, and funny faces to communicate. So we spent many a day acting goofy, holding hands, making faces and laughing.

She was almost always in a good mood. And the most amazing thing was her capacity for love and joy in life. Even in the last couple of years when she had lost so much, the ability to walk, total incontenance, couldn't raise herself out of bed on her own, and couldn't tell you my name or Steve's (our son). She maintained her joy in simple things, blue sky, holding hands, kisses, making faces, etc., and continued to be able to "beam" love right into you.

Much of the time her speech was next to impossible to understand as well, but sometimes she would just speak out clear as a bell. In her "sleepy" times you could tell that she often had good dreams. The smiles would break thru, or she would wake up telling me something, unintelligible and then just break out laughing. Just a couple of weeks ago she was dozing in her recliner, I was holding her hand, and she came to, beamed at me, and very clearly said.... "remember?" I said yes, it was great and she said "yeah", just beaming love and joy at the memory she was having.

So yes, it's been very good indeed! And thankfully Steve was just here for about a month and went to see her everyday and stayed with her until she went to bed at night, having fun and soaking up the love. He took her "off-roading" in her wheelchair, said they came back in trailing mud and grass. He took her shoes and socks off and let her feel the ground and grass with her feet, and she loved it.

I have been very blessed by having Patty's love in my life for such a long time, 44 years all told.

Thanks my friends for all the warm thoughts! You are my family and it means a lot having your support. And as I learned from Patty, love is what it's all about!

Bill Ryan
19th November 2015, 04:08
.
Standing with you, Joe — bless you and Patty both. 44 years is a lot of time together.

You knew each other before... and you'll most absolutely, certainly meet again.

:heart: :heart:

Hym
19th November 2015, 04:41
Thanks Joe....for sharing. Patty's focus on breaking thru to you and your son with so much fun and laughter shows us a lot about the great depth of her loving character. What a blessing!

Takes me to the time 5 years ago when I stayed in the hospital with my son's mother before she left. We had been divorced for 10 years by this time and i had sole custody of our son here, many miles and many thoughts away. I had sent my son out there by train a week before i followed him to pick up those things she left him, which included most of her ashes. He even met the man who was her swimming coach on the train, which was healing for him.
(Love and healing will even meet you on a train, a bus, a street, a plane if you only allow it the opportunity to greet you.)

During the 2nd of the 3 days i stayed with her, massaging her edema away, feeding her good food, sleeping in a chair near her bed, even changing her dirtied bedding and putting a creme on her for the rash (sorry for the detail, but it's the reality that loved ones do for each other) with the nurses, she suddenly looked at me with a big smile and said, "Come here."

She reached over and took my face to her and we kissed. We kissed as we did years ago when we were married and there was peace and passion still.....She smiled again and said "Mmmmm". This is what I remember, along with the song she sent 4 days after she left her body behind.

Alone in the kitchen, it was as clear as someone standing right next to me, turning on a radio...The song was "Babe" from Styx. I had to look up the lyrics, as all i heard was the beginning of the song and only the instrumentation of the rest. If i ever need a reminder of how powerful love is, beyond the confines, I listen to the song. I knew it was her and that her journey continued on, on to where our young son called her new training....

Now, after 5 years apart my son has re-connected with his grandmother, who is living her last years with the ever-increasing fog of alzheimers as her lone companion. It is such a good thing for the both of them, as she had pulled the plug and had his mother's funeral without telling him, which was a very cruel thing to do. Since it was his grandmother who reached out, he took it as her way of making amends.

I have taught my son that it is not what people do to you out of their nature that counts. It is what you would do for yourself if you were so lost in the darkness, and the lady has been a very dark soul over the years. His forgiveness is a mark of great growth in him, as he had held her contempt for us both as the reason for not even talking about her or with her. His emotional strength and maturity surely broke thru that barrier of anger from her. Maybe the alzheimers erased enough of that darkness to let his love in.

Now, as she enters into the new experience of whatever self-judgement will bring at the end, i know that he will not be a part of any condemnation in her memory, nor will i. If the funds are made available i will send him back to help her spread her daughter's ashes in the ocean, just as we did over many beaches and as he now carries a little to spread with him each time he travels, but i won't let her know that i had any part in it, as we may never speak in this life again, which is her choice, not mine.

Thank You Joe. This gives me a new perspective on those I may meet who also have this loss of memories, but not ever of the love that is life itself.

Blessings Abound....Always...in countless ways...

Jantje
19th November 2015, 13:05
I chocked up reading your story. sad but so beatiful at the same time. thanks for sharing

transiten
19th November 2015, 13:09
:heart::angel:

betoobig
19th November 2015, 14:49
Just beutifull. Thousen thanks for sharing. I can´t help it, i love you Joe.
Much love to you Joe
ighSddnnaPE
Happy tears in my eyes, beutifull my friend

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beutifull people

RunningDeer
19th November 2015, 15:18
Lovely intimate moments
and the knowledge that
the connection is infinite

Journey on Patty and Joe

http://avalonlibrary.net/paula/Recovered/Joe-and-Patty_zps7l2p1aza.JPG

Jonathan Livingston Seagull
RGh8IpBg4wY

RunningDeer ♡

Ron Mauer Sr
19th November 2015, 15:46
To fly again like Johnathan Livingston Seagull (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jonathan_Livingston_Seagull), to fly aerobatic aircraft, to love and cuddle naked with a good looking healthy woman while I am in my physical prime, to share similar interests and ideas with her, my best friend, that brings me excitement and joy.

There is nothing more important than feeling good.

Maybe I will change my mind and choose to return after I am complete here. :inlove:

http://projectavalon.net/forum4/attachment.php?attachmentid=31893&cid=1&stc=1

moekatz
19th November 2015, 17:21
Ahhhh the pull of the physical. May your next life be full of love.

Ron Mauer Sr
19th November 2015, 17:31
Ahhhh the pull of the physical. May your next life be full of love.

Thanks. And non-combat aircraft, and thrill seeking ladies. :bigsmile:

Joe Sustaire
22nd November 2015, 18:39
Thank you my friends for your warm words and projected love!
I'm doing pretty good and looking forward to seeing our son Steve, he should get in tonight and we can get on with the healing.

And thank you Hey it's me, for sharing your very moving story with us!

All these outpourings help me to know I'm not alone out here, and it helps.
Thank you all!

Pam
23rd November 2015, 14:28
Joe, what a beautiful and loving account you have shared with us. I feel honored.

Sierra
23rd November 2015, 19:00
Joe,

Your wife sounds SO wonderful, pure love, pure joy, you lucky, lucky man.

Thank you for sharing. What you tell is in my heart, this is where I want to go, this is what I want to become. No matter how many lifetimes it takes.

:bearhug: :heart: :bearhug:

RunningDeer
15th November 2016, 06:10
Joe, you are in my thoughts on this 1st anniversary. ♡


http://avalonlibrary.net/paula/General/Patty_zpsiay8iajj.JPG

sandy
15th November 2016, 06:37
Joe I think you are just as special as your Patty >>>>much Love and Peace :hug:

Joe Sustaire
17th November 2016, 02:39
Thank you Sandy and Paula!
It helps, and what a beautiful candle shot!

I know I've been wonderfully blessed to have shared Pattys love and joy over so many years. Her presence is with me always, and yeah I spend a lot of time talking to her as I try to find my way down the path alone. Luckily I'm off grid, back in the woods, so they haven't fitted me with a white jacket yet......

Much love my friends!