I have a favor to ask you

[Flash]

Dear daddy, i have a favor to ask you

This was posted by my daughter on Facebook.

Very strong message

And all she says it totally true - every girl and woman

in Europe and America

from 10 to 70 years old

has lived this, and worst in other countries


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dP7OXDWof30

Please daddies, don't let your boys, educate them

[Becky]

The world would be a different place indeed if this message was received and acted on. Reflecting on this further I think a really big issue is to do with the balance of masculine and feminine energies.
I had more to say but deleted it as I'm not able to put it in words without it sounding opinionated at this stage of my thinking....
But this is a lovely short film with a good clear message.
Thanks for sharing, Flash

[Ewan]

I didn't like that, personally. I know what an important message it was but it effected me for personal reasons, so I couldn't see it objectively but only subjectively. It was a one-sided story, as if no boy was ever sensitive to the same behaviour.

I can still recall most times a girl, or girls, made me feel terrible. I went to a really **** school in the 70's when bullying was almost normal every day behaviour. And as a sensitive empathetic child I never fitted in, but foolishly tried. Eventually I stopped going to school, I went into the city instead and wandered around all day until it was time for school to finish and I could go home. I remember the man that asked me to follow him to the toilets one day, and when I told my parents about it they just looked at each other and never said a thing. No-one sat me down and told me about the world. They sheltered me, they thought it was best.

When I fell in love I was 26 years old, she was 21. After about two months she told me something one night. When she was 14 yrs old her father had taken her virginity. I held her close and told her it was alright, it wasn't her fault. All the time hating her father and wanting to kill him. She thought I would get out of bed and walk away from her, I was the first person she had ever told. I just wanted to love her all the more and make everything safe for her. Six months later when I produced an engagement ring that I had designed myself and had made, well it was the wrong move. She got cold feet and disappeared.

Sorry to throw a bucket of water into the thread. I don't think the message applies to just boys have to be nicer. Anyone can feel that way. For me life was pain and the only reason I can bear it now is I am finally numb to it all. And that's not true, I still feel other peoples pain even if I no longer feel my own.

Edit: Sorry, I don't think I really managed to say what I was trying to. The video in itself is divisive, it let's girls band together as victims and the perpetrators were all boys. It should be about humans, not sexes.

[IChingUChing]

I can only put my head in my hand and sigh.

So....... assumption 1, all boys and men do this and have done this and have condoned it - ALL OF THEM.

Assumption 2: Yep, those words and jokes lead ALL men to become rapists, wife or partner beaters or just to remain as plain ol' disgusting misogynists.

Assumption 3 Boys and males in general don't ever suffer from others' words said to them and are somehow immune to being hurt by such things.

Etc, etc, etc

COME ON PEOPLE, this is plain splatter gun men shaming. It's just ratching up the attack on men after daft things like the "Ban Calling Women Bossy" video.

If this video was about women attacking men it would be called out as sexist or one race against another, it would be called "racist" but as long as it's against men, bring it on!

Ok, let's just admit it - Men should just shut up:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nTWpJI37ryQ

And, it never happens the other way round huh and if it does, the men deserve it right:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LlFAd4YdQks

[Becky]

These following posts after my post have further highlighted my thoughts about masculine and feminine energies. They need to be in balance within us all. I do agree with the sighing and frustration from Ewan and IchingUching as there is this huge assumption that boys are taught to be sexist and biggoted whereas we all know this is not always the case.

The problem is we are a society/humanity that is not mature on the whole....and there is much to be learnt and understood and integrated. Then videos like the 'Dear Daddy' one would not need to be made to highlight a point.

Within each and every one of us our masculine/feminine energies are either slightly or greatly out of balance and this causes an imbalance in our understandings and behaviours - the way we view the world and those around us, and the way we act on it. It's a balance of strength and sensitivity, and knowing how these can work in harmony and not out of balance so strength becomes cruelty and sensitivities become victimisation.

I know these musings are barely halfway towards a fully formed concept which is why I didn't write them earlier....but I do believe our behaviours are an expression of energy, whether they be cruel or kind. We all have the ablility to be both cruel and kind. It's important to be sensitive and strong in a positive way. and not sensitive and strong in a negative way....to ourselves and to others.

[Ewan]

These following posts after my post have further highlighted my thoughts about masculine and feminine energies. They need to be in balance within us all. I do agree with the sighing and frustration from Ewan and IchingUching as there is this huge assumption that boys are taught to be sexist and biggoted whereas we all know this is not always the case.

The problem is we are a society/humanity that is not mature on the whole....and there is much to be learnt and understood and integrated. Then videos like the 'Dear Daddy' one would not need to be made to highlight a point.

Within each and every one of us our masculine/feminine energies are either slightly or greatly out of balance and this causes an imbalance in our understandings and behaviours - the way we view the world and those around us, and the way we act on it. It's a balance of strength and sensitivity, and knowing how these can work in harmony and not out of balance so strength becomes cruelty and sensitivities become victimisation.

I know these musings are barely halfway towards a fully formed concept which is why I didn't write them earlier....but I do believe our behaviours are an expression of energy, whether they be cruel or kind. We all have the ablility to be both cruel and kind. It's important to be sensitive and strong in a positive way. and not sensitive and strong in a negative way....to ourselves and to others.

Very well put if you ask me. :clapping:

[betoobig]

When i said to my exwife we were going to divorce she told me she was pregnant again. I told her this wasn't a poker game and the new baby wasn't an ase. She was more than 3 months pregnacy. We divorced anyway and i took care of my boy and this new little girl. When she was 2 years old i made a DNA test, she wasn't mine....
So please daddys and mammys.... Do guide in the right direction your boys and girls....
Much love

¤=[Post Update]=¤

When i did the test my ex wouldn't let me see the girl anymore

[Flash]

I can only put my head in my hand and sigh.

So....... assumption 1, all boys and men do this and have done this and have condoned it - ALL OF THEM.

Assumption 2: Yep, those words and jokes lead ALL men to become rapists, wife or partner beaters or just to remain as plain ol' disgusting misogynists.

Assumption 3 Boys and males in general don't ever suffer from others' words said to them and are somehow immune to being hurt by such things.

Etc, etc, etc



I wish it were plain splatter men shaming, i wish!!

I just finished raising a girl, who just finished high school

And the real problem is that young boys, not all of them but quite a lot of them, are not shown to respect girls and do insult girls for having big breast, being a little chubby, having said no, and believe me, the insults are literally flabberghasting. And of course some girls get into this as well.

Long standing members here will remember when i asked help years ago because my daughter was being badly bullied.

I could not believe my ears, or my eyes, because it is going on Facebook as well. And when it starts, there is not end to it.

My daughter hated her high school years because once a target, they do not let go. It started at grade 8, and went on to grade 12.

And she was not the only targetted one, almost each girl had her turn.

It was so fierce and dreaded that girls would sometimes do anything to avoid being the target. From complying to boys desire in a very submissive manner (yes having sex forced on them) while insulting the targetted girls as well to be part of the wolves group, to suicidal attempts.

I could not believe what i would read from grade 10 students.

So harsh that sometimes i took the Facebook chat and wrote in place of my daughter to shut them up, since mine had language problems, and at other time forbid Facebook altogether (but then she would be eaten alive for not having Facebook).

Sometimes I called the parents, but believe me, often the parents would not intervene - their boy is not the target, why mixing in kids stuff would they think.

Teenagers being what they are, a nasty one starts, the others follow (check the thread of social compliance). We have to teach them not to follow the goup and being the positive leaders they can be towards girls.

http://projectavalon.net/forum4/showthread.php?87518-Social-conformity-experiment-by-National-Geographic&p=1029273&viewfull=1#post1029273

A friend of mine told me that 35 years ago (this is not new but has gotten more intense these days), she was surrounded by a gang of Young wolves, alone,in the middle and they had started to tore her clothes to gang rape her, she looked in the crowd for the non participating one, met his eyes and begged him to help, and after hesitating, he intervened and had the gand stop.

This is what I mean to have the good one dare leading. To teach them to lead.

I wish this video was boy shaming - I truly dearly wish it was - I wish it will be some day.

But no, it is parents shaming - check on what porn site your 8 or 10 years old is going and what he is learning about how to treat woman on those sites, because this is what he is applying later on in life.

Hiding one's head in the sand will not help, because it has gotten worst over the years, thanks to porn site, violent and sexually violent video games, name it.


Bettoobig, I am truly sorry for the daughter you had and lost, and the woman in your life who destroyed yours, and whom you were right to divorce. Trash can be on both sides, woman and man.

[Flash]

I basically agree. It should be about all bullying, all agressions, and all sexes.

It is just that girls are physically weaker and more at risk. And there is therefore more happening to them. In fact, as the video in the posts below tell, women have more damage caused to them.

But yeah, there are very nasty Young girls too who should be taught to respect and be stopped from bullying. The video also says women hit more than man, but cause less physical damage - however the hefty toll of emotional damage and PTSD is still there for men too (this happened to one of my male friend, the price is deifintely very heavy).

And often, those behaviors end up being transgenerational, if not stopped. From boys and girls - for example, incest often becomes transgenerational and it can be from dad to daughter, and next generation from daughter now a mother to her son (i have seen that too).

I am sorry Ewan for the true lack of real support you had. And for your girlfriend.


I didn't like that, personally. I know what an important message it was but it effected me for personal reasons, so I couldn't see it objectively but only subjectively. It was a one-sided story, as if no boy was ever sensitive to the same behaviour.

I can still recall most times a girl, or girls, made me feel terrible. I went to a really **** school in the 70's when bullying was almost normal every day behaviour. And as a sensitive empathetic child I never fitted in, but foolishly tried. Eventually I stopped going to school, I went into the city instead and wandered around all day until it was time for school to finish and I could go home. I remember the man that asked me to follow him to the toilets one day, and when I told my parents about it they just looked at each other and never said a thing. No-one sat me down and told me about the world. They sheltered me, they thought it was best.

When I fell in love I was 26 years old, she was 21. After about two months she told me something one night. When she was 14 yrs old her father had taken her virginity. I held her close and told her it was alright, it wasn't her fault. All the time hating her father and wanting to kill him. She thought I would get out of bed and walk away from her, I was the first person she had ever told. I just wanted to love her all the more and make everything safe for her. Six months later when I produced an engagement ring that I had designed myself and had made, well it was the wrong move. She got cold feet and disappeared.

Sorry to throw a bucket of water into the thread. I don't think the message applies to just boys have to be nicer. Anyone can feel that way. For me life was pain and the only reason I can bear it now is I am finally numb to it all. And that's not true, I still feel other peoples pain even if I no longer feel my own.

Edit: Sorry, I don't think I really managed to say what I was trying to. The video in itself is divisive, it let's girls band together as victims and the perpetrators were all boys. It should be about humans, not sexes.

[sandy]

Thank you wonderful fellow Beings!

Your pain, honesty and courage to share is what will defeat the circumstances that lead to aberrant actions. My heart goes out to you and what you have experienced >>>you are not a lone voice in the wilderness. I honour your bravery. :heart:

[Desire]

Sorry ,but I think this is an overly dramatic and poorly thought out piece of work.

[Jean-Marie]

Sorry ,but I think this is an overly dramatic and poorly thought out piece of work.

I think this is an excellent reminder of "Children live what they learn". It is a reminder for all parents. As the mother of all boys, I understand just how important a father's behavior is. I see my sons mimicking their father all the time.

All learning of Love, Honor and respect starts in the home.

[tnkayaker]

this is pretty simple most parents either think its ok to raise a child by a single parent or work 3 jobs to spend more money they are making to live way over ones means I think its called staying up with the Joneses , so no one takes care of raising young people anymore, they want them to be self suffient at grade 2 or 3 heres a key to the house , a cell phone for emergencies, and a micro wave for snacks and folks wonder where the kids went wrong? ? ? its the parents that sent them down or sold them down the pea patch from the start then point their fingers when they mess up?? pl-lease marie lol peace,dennis

[Flash]

Sorry ,but I think this is an overly dramatic and poorly thought out piece of work.

Fine, but why is it a poorly thought piece of work in your opinion?

[IChingUChing]

As I found this video so offensive, I actually made the effort to get in touch with Karen Straughan who has a Youtube Channel in her name and writes and makes videos under the name of "Girl Writes What". Here is what she answered me with in relation to the "Dear Dad" video:

Alison and I ripped the Dear Daddy video apart on our most recent rantzerker, a link to which you can find on my channel through an ad we called #DearVermin.

I will say that serious researchers into human behaviour (psychologists) don’t tend to even bother considering things like rape jokes when attempting to determine the causal factors of rape. What they do look at is upbringing, histories of abuse during childhood, etc. What they’ve found is that the majority of men who rape women (60-80%) have heterosexual abuse (sexual abuse by a female) in their childhood histories. Disproportionately, they were raised by single parent mothers.

Other researchers (evolutionary psychologists) have suggested that rape may exist, at least in some cases or at least in the sense of there being a psychological mechanism for it, as an adaptation. They support this idea with the fact that 80% or more of rape victims, male and female, are in their prime years of reproductive fitness (16-25-ish). The best way to understand this biological argument is not that we are programmed to rape, but rather that rape exists as a tool within a behavioural tool kit we all have (men and *women), and environmental/cultural factors will necessarily impact what tools (consciously or subconsciously) we choose to use.

Among individuated environmental factors would necessarily be the childhood histories of heterosexual abuse so many rapists report.

While there are cultural factors that may impact the prevalence of rape (just as there are for violence in general), rape, like all other violent crimes, has been in steady decline for a long time in the western world. It is likely that broader cultural values of cooperation, nonviolence in general, and even the ubiquity of porn have contributed to this decrease in rape (80%+ decrease in the US since VCRs came onto the market).

* as far as women as perpetrators of sexual assault go, you’d be amazed at the numbers. 43% of college aged men in the US report having been sexually assaulted at some point, and half of those cases involved unwanted/nonconsensual intercourse. 95% of the perpetrators were female acquaintances. Rape is not a “masculinity problem”, and if it might be said that the culture normalizes any form of sexual assault, surely it is female on male sexual assault.

Here is the video where Karen and Alison talk through the entire "Dear Dad" video scene by scene. Be warned there's plenty of humour, strong language and plenty of analysis in terms of studies in relation to the matters raised. I hope you find it informative:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qb7rPXDYo00