Garbage in - Garbage out (when applied to parenting...)

[Michi]

Actually the term "garbage in - garbage out" (gigo) is a computer term which says that flawed input data leads to flawed output data.

35300

However - here I want to address a similar phenomenon but related to upbringing and inter-human relations.

I have observed exclusively that violent parents bring about "problem" kids who become often "problem" adults later-on in the society. This however doesn't only apply to abusive parents or "mates" but it often starts there.
I believe, it can't be stressed enough that bad, non-sense, and reactive behaviour is contagious. Unfortunately just pointing out such deeds to the "offender" doesn't change jack-sh*t.

I once observed a stressed young female in a bus together with a baby who was continuously crying. I told her that it might help, if she directs the attention of the baby to external things, f.x. pointing out things in their environment. Well - this wasn't received well. That young lady just replied that it isn't my business.

Then there is the old question about the "perfect parenting". It certainly includes support and to impart responsibility for someone's own actions.
One showcase in society who do their best to further young people abilities are f.x Waldorf schools but the obvious thing is that it is mostly the supportive parents who send their kids there. (which shows the opposite side of "garbage in - garbage out")

There are a few exceptions where a being despite all the "garbage in" has made a decision to "don't give in" and despite of all pursues a course to grow.
Others, who are effect of their past may lack such a decision and while steering astray, cause somehow an adversity to happen to themselves (in German saying "a wooden hammer hitting on the head") to make that crucial decision to turn one's live around. And in such special cases one could say, I am wrong with "garbage in - garbage out".

[AutumnW]

I found this a little hard to understand. Parents have way too much to deal with nowadays and being perfect at parenting in the eyes of critical others, is just one. Helping strangers by pointing out distracting techniques they might use on their kids, is overbearing. Unless someone is being seriously abusive to their children in public, it's nobody's business but there's.

[Lifebringer]

Most times people just become sounding boards telling others their problems because thy KNOW the other can't help them with their problem. Guessing what's wrong and trying to suggest things that won't stop the pain, may seem like an interference to a good cry. Sometimes MOM's hold so much back, they become grey clouds of despair. ONLY God can heal that sad heart, and that's something people never consider when in so much pain. Maybe it's disbelief of faith. Don't know, but I always receive an answer if I have patience and take the time to ask/knock on God's conscious;)

[OMG]

Just yesterday someone close to me said "you ever notice how people from divorced families or raised with only one parent are messed up in some relevantly noticeable way".

Well, using simple terms truth is that most people are 95% normal and socially well acclimated. But there's that 5% in people that is totally whacko, aberrant, deviant, violent, etc.

Problem now days is that people are celebrating their abberant behavior and expect others to so as well. Whereas back in the day people kept those sides hidden or under check, or even sought out help.

:boink:

[Michi]

Just yesterday someone close to me said "you ever notice how people from divorced families or raised with only with one parent are messed up in some relevantly noticeable way".

Well, using simple terms truth is that most people are 95% normal and socially well acclimated. But there's that 5% in people that is totally whacko, aberrant, deviant, violent, etc.

Problem now days is that people are celebrating their abberant behavior and expect others to so as well. Whereas back in the day people kept those sides hidden or under check, or even sought out help.

:boink:
Yes, because TV and media promotes that it is normal and ok, while it isn't.
This is why it's important to stand up for what's ok and what's not ok.
In this way one can contribute in not "feeding garbage" - if you know what I mean.

Certainly kids can be taught to don't go with the whacko crowd by telling them how much harm was caused in early history when witches were burnt at the stake just because the majority of a group said so.

[Michi]

Just read this excellent blog article from Cameron Day, which emphasizes my point - garbage in - garbage out:



Are We Blocked by Traumas from Past Lives or This Life?
Posted on May 26, 2020 by admin
In doing deep one-on-one session work in the past, as well as doing Breakthrough calls for my 8-Week Transformation Program, one thing that I see in a lot of people is an attachment to the idea that the issues keeping someone stuck are mainly rooted in past lives, when in reality the issues can (nearly) all be traced back to wounds from childhood in this lifetime, which I call Invisible Traumas.

What makes a person prefer to look for causes in another life instead of this one?

The most obvious answer is that the New (c)Age is teeming with past life readers who advocate the narrative that a person’s deepest work lies in resolving issues formed in past lives. However, I feel that the deeper psychological roots of this idea comes from parents propagandizing their children to believe that they were better parents than they really were.

Parents who are living in denial and dysfunction will repeatedly tell their children that “things are fine” and that something is wrong with them (the child) if they’re upset or hurt about abusive or neglectful behaviors from the adults in their lives. These children grow into adults who truly believe that their childhood problems were their own fault, that they didn’t experience anything traumatic, or maybe one traumatic event happened which they feel they have to “put behind them” and not speak about in order to stay in good standing with their parents.

With a belief that their upbringing in this life was “fine” or “not so bad,” even when that’s not actually true, a person lacks the ability to delve into the childhood roots of their life challenges. As they look for answers to their seemingly inexplicable problems, past lives can often seem like the answer.

However, I have observed that 80-90% of people who feel anxiety, worry, depression or low self-esteem have experienced invalidation, neglect, and other forms of emotional abuse from one or both parents in their childhood. This emotional abuse can range from subtle to severe and still seem like a person had a “normal childhood.”

Due to the nature of psychological projection, it is unfortunately quite normal for children to experience subtle (or severe) emotional abuse from their parents, but as an adult, it can often be very difficult, even painful for a person to admit to themselves that their own mother or father unconsciously (or consciously) undermined them when they were children.

It takes deep levels of examination and questioning, which I do during breakthrough calls, in order for a person to connect the dots on how their current situation in life was imprinted and patterned in their formative childhood years, before they were old enough to question their parent’s motivations, before they could see that their parents behaviors were driven by their own unhealed traumas and unconscious behavior patterns.

Very often, the reality of how a child’s invalidating parents have undermined their sense of self-worth is buried underneath a pile of delusional lies told by parents that I call “The Family Story,” although I feel a more accurate title is “The Family Lie.” This Family Story is repeated often, almost like a mantra, and it can include phrases like, “You were such a difficult child” or “We tried our best, but we just didn’t know what to do with you.”

The Family Story could even include statements like, “You were such a quiet child, you could play by yourself for hours,” which is usually a sign that a child has become accustomed to parental neglect.

The reality underneath these responsibility-avoiding delusions is that the parents were deeply wounded and traumatized by their own parents, and they never had the awareness or tools to heal, so they continued the same (or similar) unconscious patterns of invalidating their children instead of being supportive, nurturing, affirming care-givers.

The Family Story/Lie becomes so deeply ingrained into the child’s subconscious, that they form blockages against unpacking the web of projection, invalidation, justification, emotional abuse and blame-shifting that they received from their parents, blockages that persist into adulthood. These blocks divert attention and awareness away from the Invisible Traumas from childhood, making them very difficult to identify and heal. This can lead a person back around to the idea that the problem might reside in a past life, because their childhood “really wasn’t so bad.”

This is a problem because the person is looking in the wrong place, as well as feeling like they have to go to someone else to tell them what their past life traumas are, and how to heal them.

My perspective formed through years of counseling, energy clearing and deep inner work is that 90% of what keeps us feeling stuck and unable to heal deeply is rooted in this life, in our childhood, in long-forgotten “Invisible Traumas” that we learned to “put behind us and move on,” but in reality are not behind us at all. They are simply buried in the subconscious mind, where they exert tremendous influence on our conscious self-expression in life.

These Invisible Traumas are very real wounds in our psyches that do not heal on their own over time. No, time does NOT heal all wounds. If that were true, everyone over 50 would be emotionally healthy, and that is obviously not the case. The truth is that it takes time to heal ourselves once we have the knowledge of how to do so.

What do Invisible Traumas look like? They are the minor traumas that are inflicted by and often unnoticed by parents, usually because they don’t realize how their unconscious behavior is impacting their children.

An Invisible Trauma occurred every time your parents denied that what you were feeling or seeing was true. Every time you felt unseen, unheard, unimportant, neglected or unloved. Every time you were punished for having emotions that they didn’t like. Every time they yelled at you, or yelled at each other when you could hear. Any time they pressured you to be something that they wanted you to be instead of encouraging you to explore what you desired to be. Any time they placed unrealistic expectations on you, tried to live through you, or pressured you to fulfill the dreams they didn’t achieve for themselves.

That’s just a small sample of Invisible Traumas that happen in “good, normal families” and it is much more severe and dissociation causing for people who had parents with serious mental-emotional issues due to their own unhealed traumas. Parents with alcoholism or other addictions, PTSD, borderline or narcissistic personality traits, workaholism, disinterest in their children, etc. will give their children many, many Invisible Traumas over the course of their childhood.

Unhealed wounding from Invisible Traumas affects every area of a person’s life, especially our closest relationships, because we tend to be drawn to people who subconsciously remind us of one of our parents, since that is what we knew as “home” while growing up, even if that parent wounded us deeply.

More generally, the results of unhealed Invisible Traumas play out in adulthood as feeling unworthy of love or success, with that unworthiness driving people-pleasing behaviors, being a “rescuer” for people in need and neglecting one’s own needs. Invisible Traumas can generate feelings of depression, anxiety, and worthlessness. They can lead to suppression of anger, resistance to “bad” emotions (no such thing in reality), attracting unhealthy relationships, feeling like a failure, not feeling “good enough,” and a feeling of fear that “something is wrong, and it’s probably ME.”

If any of this sounds familiar to you, I want to tell you something very important: Something WAS wrong in your childhood, and it WAS NOT YOU! It was actually your parents. They simply shifted the blame onto you.

more at: http://www.ascensionhelp.com/blog/2020/05/26/are-we-blocked-by-traumas-from-past-lives-or-this-life/