Macroaggressions: #495: How I Survived MK Ultra

https://podcasts.apple.com/tc/podcas...=1000678760604

Hi Project Avalon Forum, So I had the great honor of getting to speak with Charlie Robinson over on his Macroaggressions Podcast about my survivorship from the eugenics and mind control projects. I hope you'll have a listen.

In case you were interested, here are some other Forum posts I have made over the years related to my involvement in these projects:


Disinformation and DID: The Politics of Memory by Brian Moss
(which I reference in the Macroaggressions interview)

https://projectavalon.net/forum4/sho...=1#post1616037

Going off the Reservation - Deactivating the AWOL program

https://projectavalon.net/forum4/sho...=1#post1569091

The aftermath of being 'picked up' again....

https://projectavalon.net/forum4/sho...=1#post1569319

Full episode here:

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Posted by Artemesia

Full episode here:

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Many many thanks, there are not only millions of old MK Ultra techniques survived victims in USA but as well billions worldwide of the same tactics used through the IT games world. We have all been subjected to mind splitting through tremendous violence in games, enough to lose empathy and split our minds (plus widespread use of drugs in combination).

Also, I know that these MK Ultra tech exist having been into contact with offsprings of Cameroun’s CIA experiment victims. The second generation is abused as well and suffers DID. So so sad the misery they go through. All my love to these souls. One of those was an early subscriber to this forum.

Charlie Robinson has recently been on a show with Shaun Attwood where he discusses some of the more ‘high profile’ cases/fallout coming from the mind controlled subjects in the music industry.

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JAY Z BEYONCE, DIDDY & THE CLUB, BIEBER - CHARLIE ROBINSON | AU 286
Shaun Attwoods True Crime Podcast

https://open.spotify.com/episode/5qK...Q8iUZhLKHwok3w

My recent discussion with Charlie (which is the subject of this thread, links to that interview in the above posts) is also referenced in this other show with Shaun Attwood beginning at about the 28 minute mark

UPDATE ON THIS INFORMATION AS OF 1/10/2024

Due to the recent experience of another Project Avalon Forum member related to issues of STOLEN WORK falsely shared on Shaun Attwood's show by another guest, who claimed it as her own, and the strangely timed synchronicity of this event with concurrent discussions in this exact same time period that I was in with Shaun (via an introduction from Charlie Robinson, I had never come across Attwood's work previously) about possibly being a guest on the Attwood Unleashed livestream show, I wanted to make sure anyone choosing to engage with this particular link, this show, its host, and the inclusion of my name in their body of work via this discussion that did not involve me directly, was well aware of this other issue that is not to be taken lightly. I am so grateful to have been alerted to this situation via the post here:

https://projectavalon.net/forum4/sho...=1#post1650486

The timing of this situation coincides in other strange synchronistic awarenesses, decisions (to not engage as a guest on that show) and then some incredible events that occurred subsequent to that timeline demarkation point (see post here on that)

https://projectavalon.net/forum4/sho...=1#post1649988

and reasons why I felt quite strongly to back away from any further engagement with this particular podcast/platform. Its important for me to note that I strive to remain NEUTRAL in current changing circumstances on Earth because for the most part, its has nothing to do with one personally (don't take it personally is SUCH a good teaching point, because its usually true) and also being neutral and not attaching to outcomes (the value of non-attachment) is so critical a skill to have in order to navigate the sometimes very chaotic time fields of probabilities and the quantic energy field right now. This is a real-time example of how Project Avalon collaborations and willingness for vulnerable and heartfelt sharing has contributed to diffusing potential chaotic nodes, and allowed individuals to navigate more effectively.

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Posted by Artemesia

Hi Project Avalon Forum, So I had the great honor of getting to speak with Charlie Robinson over on his Macroaggressions Podcast about my survivorship from the eugenics and mind control projects. I hope you'll have a listen.

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Thank you so much for this, sharing your story and your insights in what this means and how to move past it! :flower:

Do you have a general sense of what purpose you served for your MK-ULTRA controllers - was there something specific that they were trying to learn about you or was there a task that they were trying to groom you for? Where you ever put in classes with others your age or did you meet any peers that were also going through the same training? Did you know any specific programs that you might have been involved with?

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Posted by Kryztian

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Posted by Artemesia

Hi Project Avalon Forum, So I had the great honor of getting to speak with Charlie Robinson over on his Macroaggressions Podcast about my survivorship from the eugenics and mind control projects. I hope you'll have a listen.

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Thank you so much for this, sharing your story and your insights in what this means and how to move past it! :flower:

Do you have a general sense of what purpose you served for your MK-ULTRA controllers - was there something specific that they were trying to learn about you or was there a task that they were trying to groom you for? Where you ever put in classes with others your age or did you meet any peers that were also going through the same training? Did you know any specific programs that you might have been involved with?

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Thank you so much Kryztian for your interest! My apologies in taking a bit to reply, internally I have learned to work as a 'team' with the parts, so we needed to give it some time to consider how to approach questions of this nature, and to make some internal agreements about that, because building and maintaining internal trust is probably the most important part of (re)building internal system integrity. So 'going public' has brought some of those skill sets to the forefront for practice.

Ok so, one of the key 'traction points' that I was able to realize, fairly recently (this year) is that there were different groups involved in my programming (ie: torture and 'training') and they worked with slightly different techniques. So understand that all I have is memories, and most of these are traumatic and difficult. Some are just more contextual as they happened for 'front' parts that never lost aspects that had temporal context, such as places, dates, times of my life. So putting all that together and being able to navigate my own fear landscape, and hold whatever came up in neutrality has been key. So since that is how I work, and I was never told ANYTHING, all I can do is do some more 'external' research -- which I try not to do too much because of the 'suggestibility' aspect of my personality system, and I need to beleive myself above all without suspicion that I am 'borrowing' from something else I have come across -- and then put together my pieces of memory fragments. So as for 'targeted purpose... I have no idea. I do have some inferential ideas. But you probably will too. So I will just share some 'phases' and let you figure out what that may mean.

Earliest years - age birth to about 6
Horace Mann Nursery School Division; This is an ELITE private school in New York City. We were taken to museums, and trained to do sort of... 'treasure hunts' all over the city. I have some specific memories of sexual encounters WITH OTHER KIDS there, which were then 'discussed' with my parents. Ok so little kids who are being sexually abused will often act out/re-enact that on other kids, because they think that is how they are 'meant' to behave. Horace Mann had more than one instance of things I remember quite clearly of some kind of push to let kids of that age be sexual. One little black boy always was there before me when I arrived and ALWAYS had the pink princess dress in the dressup area on. And the teachers were adamant that he be allowed to have that exclusively. Now in 1980 that was.... pretty avant garde. At this same time I was taken to Basel, Switzerland on my first international trip, and my passport photo has me holding a Mickey Mouse marionette doll in it. I was always dressed to look like a boy at this time, and my parents bragged for years that they would take me to the same kids' hairdresser that JFK Jr. was taken to. At one point I remember being introduced to Walter Cronkite. More passive training that was done involved repeated trips to the obelisk in Central Park (Cleopatra's Needle) which was foundational to other uses at obelisk sites and egyptian occultism stuff that followed much later. I was taught to tolerate being locked inside a suitcase and carried around without screaming. I only remember this 'training' being done in the context of our house, with the idea that it was a 'hiding place' for a game of hide and seek. But then other contexts and memory fragments involving suitcases emerged over time, some years later, so I think this was probably much more extensively used than just the fragments I can recall. Also a lot of training to be able to sit still but pick out objects 'hidden in the open' for viewing, tracking how object placement in rooms were adjusted, memorizing lots of nursery rhymes and songs that would then be 'forced' to recall. I think some of those were the actual programming cues, and often photos/paintings/images were associated with these. The most prominent ones being related to the 'teddy bear picnic' painting and repeating songs about spiraling, gardens, picnics, teddy bears. So in the interview with Charlie I share some 'teddy bear' girl scout patches with the pedophile logo on them.... I did not know about that logo but always felt the patches were creepy and horrible and a sense of dread came over me whenever I would see them over the years. But I knew I had to save them to help me remember... something.

So... what was that phase's purpose? Probably early psy training and then it was mostly foundational for stuff that came later. But being able to tolerate some pretty extreme circumstances for a little kid. And the pedo aspect is interwoven. Being in NYC, taken to the Guggenheim, we lived just down the street from the Met, meeting famous people like Walter Cronkite, and then the very horrible (especially when considered with context I know about that place now that I am older) stuff that I remember about the Switzerland trip -- it had to do with early mk training and then the pedo stuff. Remember the mind control doesn't just 'happen'. It has to be built as a structured system over many years, very intensely. It involves developing mental acuities and memory skills that most people wouldn't have normally, that take hours and hours of training. And the first section they always build out is the sexual torture one.

Specific Project names.

I have none specifically, but a few 'probables'....
So at about age 8 I really wanted to participate in a 'smart kids' program being offered at my public school in Orange County, California. That program was called GATE, which stood for Gifted and Talented Education. So that is significant because I even remember it at all, the name, etc. But also because my mother who always wanted me to excel in academics from the earliest age, REFUSED to let me participate in that. Which was totally non-sequitur, which is probably why it stood out for me. Again, storing away those 'one of these things just doesn't belong here' a la Sesame Street gems of memory, that would later be key traction points as I put together my scrambled egg mess of a brain and disjointed memories with little to no context, years later. In 2011 I came across Bill Ryan's interview with Dave Corso, and Corso talked about his use in something called 'Project Talent' So the GATE program has an aspect of similarity to that. And it would make sense why my mother would be vehement about me NOT doing such a program in basically only one case: if I was already involved in ANOTHER project.

So what project? Well, I know there are 'other' projects with the name Pegasus, but the one name I have remembered is for a camp that had 'Pegasus' in the name. I know the full name of that camp but am choosing not to reveal it in totality for certain reasons. So per Alison Miller's book about healing from ritual abuse and mind control, she confirms that many other survivors report being sent to 'camps' for training. Some of these will be 'legitimate' type summer sleep away camps, some are 'day camps'. But some.... are projects training. And you will NOT be told this as a kid. And it will take a lot of work to realize that that is what those experiences ACTUALLY were, but once you know what to look for, it has become easier for me to be able to figure out which ones were just 'ordinary' camps I was sent to as child care and which ones were probably run by more government projects people. Its a palpable difference and the intensity of context is usually prominent.

So the Pegasus program was one that I participated in at about age 7 or so, and then I was sent to it again, this time at a different location but supposedly the same program, different teachers, at about age 12 or so. In some of my art, the pegasus image appears, one of those I had posted here on Avalon ages ago, I will add that link after I go looking around for it.

So yeah, the 'GIFTED AND TALENTED EDUCATION PROGRAM' /GATE program, which I was not allowed to participate in. And something about Pegasus. Those are the only names I get.

However there is one other piece that has stood out for me, I guess over the years but also since having done the interviews and the private memory work that has come with 'defragging' after these interviews, which has been intense. And that is that I am putting together that I kept being 'worked' in training scenarios or later in 'return to the scene of the crime' sort of wandering fugue episodes I went on in my adult years as I was desperately trying to figure out what I was dealing with and the memories just came in inexplicable blips, is to realize that The Manhattan Project, and specifically stuff related to atom-smashing, the atom bomb, the atomic portal stuff related to Oppenheimer's fascination with the Bhagavad Gita, being taken to museums with historical objects from these projects, being taken to Los Alamos National Lab and then the museum there (which was a programming session, without question.... I can remember that in detail) so... I feel like whatever the project I was used in between the Washington DC phase (age 9 to 10) and then the years up to about age 12, were somehow involved with like, a continuation of something related to the atomic energy projects. If that makes sense? I mean none of it makes sense, because I don't know the context, all I have is the memories. And they suck, and some are practically impossible to navigate. Years later (2009) when I was very actively remembering gobs of memory all at once, and my mother/handler knew it and was 'called in' to come 'deal with me', I went rogue and found myself trying to get out to the VLA and specifically the area around the Trinity Site, where they exploded the bomb. So again, that searching for clues like a needle in the haystack of foggy trauma memory, lead me to places associated with the atomic energy projects.

I debated sharing this for a bit because not knowing what I know is probably the most nerve wracking and potentially 'dangerous' problem I still have to deal with, in terms of 'booby traps' that I will have to de-program and cope with. But... honestly I am hoping someone might have an idea about what this is or could be. I do think that its useful to consider what the 'known' covert projects were, and then realize that those likely never 'went away' or were 'complete', but rather they simply matured into the next phase of their advancement. Its pretty well discussed here and elsewhere that once humanity exploded the atomic bomb, that technological capacity (and its destructive use) sent a ripple out across the time field and dimensional quantic fields, which was the 'door opening' to much greater levels of inter-dimensional contact, particularly with regards to other beings contacting the governments who possessed this technology. Some of the 'psy' stuff that was clearly developing with me, just organically and then that being trained to certain functional purposes as 'the coats' realized it was happening on its own, alongside my strange fascination and repeatedly 'getting stuck' in training sessions involving the atomic energy weapons projects artifacts in museums speaks potently to some kind of project that was attempting to interface those aspects.

But I have no idea what 'the them's' really wanted from me by using me in their experiments, and I have had to accept that is no one who is going to willingly 'tell me' about it. So I just have to figure it out alone as best I can, as much as I really need to, (which may not be that much in some regards) to keep going with living a beautiful life of heart-based awareness, doing what *I* choose to do now with my life, given everything that has happened. And to use that wisdom and for the highest expression of healing for myself and the much more significant and far reaching 'project' of human sovereignty and liberation and care for our beloved Planet Earth.

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I shared these patches from my Girl Scout jacket, which was my ‘identifier’ I was told to wear when out working in public venues during my use in the projects. Note the ‘Nations Capitol’ indicator and the obelisk known as the Washington Monument.
It has my original name on it.

Charlie noted during the interview that the one with the blindfolded teddy bear holding the lollipop, which reads ‘surprise kidnap’ also bears the known pedophile logo inside the lollipop. I felt sharing photos of these might be useful since some commenters on the rumble feed have indicated that the patches were a pretty profound reveal for them.

https://www.wikileaks.org/w/images/a...bols-page1.jpg

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Just wanted to cross-reference another, similar thread/post about another interview I did, discussing mind control, eugenics and dissociative identity disorder, mostly so its all in one place and easier to find:

https://projectavalon.net/forum4/sho...=1#post1644850

Some more information...

So I have sat with the reasons why I felt so strongly to share 'the patches' that were on the Girl Scout/identifier coat I had to wear while being worked in the mind control projects in Washington D.C. circa 1985 to 1987 and then also wore extensively in Japan while there for eugenics conferences my mother attended as well. I have had some recent information come to light on these.

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I am fairly certain that this patch, which I received in Orange County, CA in about 1983 or 1984, prior to it being installed on the Washington DC 'Nation's Capitol' coat in 1985, and I feel strongly based on other related memories from a much later time period in my life that this patch has to do with some kind of SS programming. The lightening bolt symbolism very potent there. Of course electricity is used extensively in Mind Control programming and I discussed the vivid recalls of this in my Ickonic interview with Richard Willett as well.

There is another symbol in this as well, worth noting.

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The break in the planet Earth also resembles the constellation Cassiopaia. Cassiopaia is noteworthy for me because it is one of the more prominent, easily identifiable constellations in the winter night sky in my location on Earth, and was a star feature taught to me from the earliest of ages, probably around age 8, maybe even earlier. Its also is a sighting object useful for locating the harder-to find-Andromeda galaxy, off the right side bottom of the 'w' star, Schedar. My time working with children, teaching astronomy and outdoor education in Idyllwild at Astrocamp, along with many nights in the Anza-Borrego backcountry offered a wonderful opportunity to heal my psyche from this programming artifact.

But the other symbology contained in the patch is still a work in progress. The 'girl in yellow dress' aspect of programming relates to a song lyric sung by the band 'The Monkees', written by Mickey Dolenz, entitled 'Randy Scouse git'


"its too easy humming songs
to a girl in yellow dress"....

Often poems that are 'nonsense' songs are used in programming to layer in commands. Examples would include the well-known Lewis Carroll poems such as in 'the Jabberwocky' from his Alice in Wonderland work, but also folks like the poet Edward Lear 'the owl and the pussycat' and in more modern era bards, bands like Phish, whose lyrics are almost exclusively in the vein of nonsense poetry, and some other odd ones like this Monkees song I note above, and the Beatles had some like this as well, such as 'I AM the Walrus' (goo goo ga choo).

Nonsense is useful for programmers because they can embed in instruction sets but if a target uses them publicly or is on a mental loopback stuck in the trauma memory, it will simply come off as incoherent (the pink section I discuss in the interview with Charlie, where one is simply dismissed as 'crazy' when this behavior is actually a programmed behavior one is taught as a means to reducing some form of negative/pain stimulus being used by a programmer/torturer).

I also felt to share two other pieces of info. One, a photo of my own 'memory recall' art therapy I did, which I referenced in an earlier post above. Note the presence of the 'pink bag', the PAPERCLIP, the PEGASUS.

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And finally, not long after completing the interview with Charlie for his Macroaggressions podcast, I made the (bold) choice to submit a Freedom of Information Act request (FOIA) directly with the National Institutes of Health in Washington, D.C., where I was used AT THE VERY LEAST as a non-consensual coerced control sample for genetics experiments that occurred in labs at NIH doing research on fetal alcohol syndrome. My blood was used as a control against aborted Native American fetal blood samples taken from babies that were forced to be aborted on reservation lands due to alcoholism defects caused by maternal alcoholism (don't even get me started on the cultural imposition of colonialism and ongoing trauma that this situation reflects), and then those babies had their bodies and tissues hijacked and used by scientists to further study and subjugate the peoples from whom they came from. So sick I can hardly even stomach it. But when my OTHER FOIA request with UCI came back, see here:

https://projectavalon.net/forum4/sho...=1#post1611968

it was confirmed that they did NO real investigation into my case and the researcher involved denied using fetuses in her work.... because that work was not done at UCI but at NIH and later at John's Hopkin's as well, and had previously been done in Scotland in the late 1960s using children of Scottish heritage with PKU.

I include all this here because the eugenics projects use of NATIVE AMERICAN LINEAGE peoples and their forced tissue sampling, as well as CELTIC HERITAGE peoples, is a very real thing and relates to the deeply subversive agendas that folks like Eve Lorgen and James Bartley recently discussed on the Cosmic Switchboard show,


https://www.thecosmicswitchboard.com...ns/#fvp_335,1s

as well as issues that Duncan O'Finioan and Randy Maugans brought up ages ago on their interviews on Off Planet Radio in circa 2012.

And I wanted to know WHY my blood had been used as a control sample in all this. The genetic mutation I have is significant, and they won't say why exactly it was of such interest to them that they would illegally use my blood without consent, repeatedly hold me in locked confinement in government labs all over the US, England, Japan, Switzerland and South Africa, and subject me to not only repeated blood and tissue sampling, but also utilize me in mind control experiments as well, concurrent to that genetics use. I am the one who has to try and keep on living and putting myself back together after all their torture, and I deserve to have the documents to know what exactly they were doing, after all these years.


Usually an FOIA request takes awhile to sort out -- the last one they said would take 10 days, but it got pushed out much farther than that because the redacting took awhile. And they date stamped that with the 6/6 signature as well, because.... a**hats.

But I got a turn around in only TWO DAYS from my request submission to NIH/NIMH. It was immediately closed, and NO REASON WAS GIVEN AS TO WHY. Which usually means: it was classified information to begin with, and they won't even acknowledge they know about it, let alone that information about it exists.

Anyways, that proof of my efforts to seek information about my own use in the NIH eugenics projects is here:

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I include all this here because a recent thread on Avalon was discussing the concept of NEGATIVE TIME.

https://projectavalon.net/forum4/sho...=1#post1637690

I am well aware this is a real phenomena, because I use it myself ALL THE TIME. I actually contacted Bill Ryan privately in about September of last year in a bit of a panic because of trends I was seeing in my own posts that reflected a probability that there was a negative time aspect happening to what I was trying to disclose here on Avalon, related to my eugenics whistleblowing case with UCI.

That is to say, the way this data is being used, possibly by alphabet soup types, and also a possibility by our future human selves or even ET races to track and plan these very intricate timeline maneuvers that have to be made right now, because the parallel dimensional quantic time fields are clearly stacked very closely and its important to help those working for benevolent outcomes for all life forms and humans and the nature realms to be able to share information on a platform that can help move through some of these 'eye of the needle' moments, in the way that negative time understandings are capable of maneuvering.

So I am sharing all this here mostly for that reason. Kind of a fingers crossed paper airplane into the void effort on my part. Hopefully some others here find it useful too. Thanks.