Quote:
Posted by
Shin'Ar
Just sorry in the sense that you must live such a struggle, that's all. I am also 55 and I have never been treated in my life for the ADHD that I was just this year diagnosed with.
I think the key point was missed - the struggle is no longer such a struggle. The question is - did I create my past struggle? Or did I chose to enter into a life that had unusual challenges such that when I woke up, I might emerge as I have?
If the answer is Yes, I created my life's circumstances then it is perhaps sad that my father (who may also have been an assassin for the cabal) committed suicide at age 44 (when I was 21) and that it is quite possible he did that to ensure the safety of his three children - one of which is me.
That his grandfather committed suicide albeit late in life.
That my step-mother who essentially was my mother from age 12 died from a rapid cancer event she acquired at age 38 (dead at age 40).
That my sister has struggled with drugs and alcohol and relationships and whose only daughter has been in and out of jails and prisons and is a severe drug addict.
That my mother has been through three husbands and gave up. After discovering her second husband in bed with the neighbor friend from across the street (who happened to be male by the way) she ended up in Timberlawn Psychiatric Hospital for a year. She eventually found Prozac and is still taking the garbage to this day (she is now 75).
Her sister ended up in Timberlawn as well soon after my mom and also for a year.
After my father's suicide, I bounced a car on a highway doing over 100 MPH. My Mom and the family lawyer ganged up on me with some shrink and convinced me I was suicidal as well and thus I ended up spending a year in Timberlawn too (back in 1979/80. They were wrong in the diagnosis as the truth was I never believed I could die in the first place.
I have been in about 10 or so jails - never more than a few days with just one exception where I spent 65 days before the bribe my father paid got my charges dropped (back in 1978) - I did not know my father paid this bribe until just a few years ago when my Mom told me.
I have been in about 15 different psychiatric facilities - add up all the time and we are looking at a good 18 - 20 months of my life - mostly when I was young. I never took any psychiatric medication other than lithium and other than anti-psychotic drugs at the beginning of several of those stays as I entered them always because I was psychotic.
All these episodes were brought on by massive marijuana usage and often I accompanied that with alcohol and cocaine. I never did any other drugs.
I never took any medications other than that lithium and only when I was young. When I am sober, though I do drink 3 or 4 cups of coffee in the morning, I am a highly functional and highly reliable human being. Odd that, but true. I handle my responsibilities well.
In 1989 I met and married my first wife. In our 10th year of marriage she began a series of suicide attempts (at least 5 I knew of) where on the last one the Doctor told me she was dead and did one of those strange "spring back to life" things. What came back with her was not her. Within a year and a half we were divorced and she chose drugs and the life of a street person over our three sons and me. This was in 2001/2002.
I remarried soon after to a stable Colombiana who is still with me to this day. Unfortunately, I had yet to learn the lessons of addiction and I sunk into a private hell hole.
Because I was awarded custody of my sons, they stayed with me in our apartment on the 33rd floor of a 33 story building in Panama. I recently learned that my middle son, Reid (who is in jail at the moment) almost jumped to his death from our apartment when he was 15 or so years old.
The mother, through a miracle, was deported from the desert island Curacao back to Texas in 2005 and somehow recovered. My kids asked if they could go live with her in the summer of 2008 and I said yes as they were essentially a prisoner in the apartment in Panama having been expelled from schools for marijuana and so home schooled thereafter. I knew they needed a life and so I allowed them to go.
While with their Mom, all sorts of issues arose where they ran away, got in trouble etc.
I stopped coke and booze in the spring of 2010. I then took up marijuana in August 2010 after 10 years laying off. I went into an instant state of hyper/quantum synchronicity. There is nothing like this experience. You become the actual one you are with all - consciously. Anyways, because I thought I could only experience this with weed I began to use it constantly - high grade hydroponic day and night. After 17 months I once again went psychotic. The voice in my head told me I had to kill myself to save the world. I was actually outside my window (33rd floor) and all I had to do was let go. Strangely I recalled my promise to my sons I would not do what my Dad did and then I thought of Cristina, my wife, and I scrambled back inside the window.
A week later I tried to slash my wrists, ended up in the psych ward in Panama, lost everything I owned to my name save 2 suitcases, landed in Colombia for a month depressed that I could not end it all and then ended up in Texas... started my recovery through reading and posting on Avalon and then on April 26th, 2012 I found this thread and the all important dot was connected - it was a Horus-Ra entity that I had been dealing with.
My recovery is essentially documented through my posts on this forum.
In July, I was viciously attacked by what I believe was a demon possessed lady whom I had been living with. The police came to take her to jail. While she was outside the house in handcuffs and writhing around on the grass and ranting and raving at around 2 AM, my middle son drove by. I saw this lady and my son make eye contact.
Two days later my son took a gun someone had left in his car and went on a spree that included an armed robbery of a fast food restaurant he used to work at. My guess is the demonic entity left Victoria, that lady, and entered my son. This demonic presence had previously been within me (I have little doubt). In fact, I followed the advice of a few folks who told me to invoke the name of Jesus Christ to cast out the demon. I did that on July 6th just a few days before I was attacked.
There are some folks who have posted in this thread who are aware of what is known as targeted families and "chosen ones" of these demonic entities.
I have no clue much less proof that my conclusion that this is all about demonic intentions directed towards my family and myself but how many people can you find on the planet that have had this amount of pretty incredible experiences and they have all been due to either a.) bad luck or b.) self created events?
It is hard not to conclude there has been a demonic intention directed at my family for generations in fact.
My son still sits in jail since I was able to convince him to turn himself in as of last July 22nd, 2012. He has a remote shot at a very strict probation but he has to be perfect if he gets it. I have recently returned to Texas so as to stand before the court and assume (if they will allow me) responsibility for my son. On the one hand, this has all been devastating. On the other, this has all been "character" building (a word Shin'Ar mentioned).
I have no clue why my "spirit" has attracted these attentions. In a way I take responsibility. In another way I see I may have chosen to incarnate here at this time that I might be helpful for my family. I have the chance to be and I have the strength, experience and character to help my son. We shall see how it all goes.
Anyways, the point of running down this bullet list is because sometimes The One has intentions a single spirit being may never know about much less understand. But once one becomes their own personal Morpheus to their own inner Neo, the picture starts to clear up and one like me finally grows up. I am 55.5 years old next month. My goal has been to survive my 55th birthday and I am about halfway there. As long as Bill's concerns don't come to fruition, I think I will see 56 and the worst will be over for now. I have my reasons for believing this.
Bi-polar? Maybe multi-polar is more accurate.
