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Thread: A Strange Life In Need Of An Outside Review For Fresh Perspective; Part Two: Adoption Until Puberty

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    United States Avalon Member Vexx021's Avatar
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    15th June 2018
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    Default A Strange Life In Need Of An Outside Review For Fresh Perspective; Part Two: Adoption Until Puberty

    Greetings again, I figured I would start with a synopsis of the post. This recollection will cover my life and the uncanny incidents from the point of my adoption until the onset of puberty. Again, this is my attempt to reach out for answers, insights, & food for thought, and perhaps I would be remiss not to call it a sort of catharsis, as well. Let's begin.

    We left off with my eventual adoption by my matrilineal grandparent(s). They lived in a rural, hilly, wooded area just a quarter-mile from a lake. It was a beautiful place to grow up. Thinking back, I was so blessed that my grandparents adopted me. They were and still are caring and hard-working people.

    Some of my first memories living with them are of being in nature, running around in the woods, catching lizards and bugs for making short term terrariums. I would have these large tin tubs that I had partially filled with sand, and I would carve out channels and bridges and sunken rooms, place plants and large rocks in there. When I was done for the day I always let them go. I didn't have many friends there at first, as I just started going to a small rural school about 5 miles away, and my grandparents both worked, so most every day I was left to my own devices until around 5 or 6 pm when they got off work. I was what is commonly called a latchkey kid, I carried my housekey to school around my neck on a shoestring, let myself into the house after school and made my own food.

    I had many nightmares during this time, and quite often I would wake up in the middle of the night with nosebleeds(which has started again recently). The dreams were usually dark and scary, one recurring dream was of seeing into a hillside as a cross-section, seeing tunnels riddling the inside of it, and I would see myself in these tunnels running from something, then the perspective would shift to first person, not being able to see in the dark around me in these tunnels, groping for a way out when a blood-chilling howl that multiplies echoes from some unseen entrance to the tunnels then I break into a run and wake up when my heart starts racing.

    In elementary school I was always finishing work first, getting bored, and getting in trouble for entertaining myself when I was done. I wasn't very social, probably because of the way my mother died and the time between then and adoption where I had no other children to socialize with. A few years into elementary school I had finally made some friends, I had an easier time making female friends at first, then eventually made male friends.

    I would often regale my small group of friends with stories (that I remember believing) about past lives I had had. Two specifically,(in the vernacular I used) one as a vampire of some sort and one as an angel who came here to help, but died. Those 'memories' have since faded, but I remember about them. I remember telling a friend that they had been something before this life, but I don't remember what I told them.

    I had this way of, how to say, affecting the moods of those around me, without direct or conscious influence. When I was upset, I seemed to suck the happy out of those around me, When I was elated, those around me would randomly smile or generally ease into a peaceful state. Though I was often mischievous and eventually learned I could use this to my advantage, I screwed things up on more than one occasion and learned my lesson about meddling with others as such. As time went on I would lose the depth of 'control' I had, but I would still have this way of knowing how others felt, emotion or feeling-wise(sorry, it is hard to explain and this is the first time I have tried out loud, as it were), and I am usually still able to calm people down quite quickly or open up about things quite easily.

    Sometimes I would be able to know things before they happened or as someone was thinking it. I don't like talking about this kind of thing generally, because the populace around where I grew up would ridicule me for talking about it, so I eventually stopped talking about it. I still have this anxiety about talking about it, so I will try my hardest to hope you aren't like them. I had never considered myself new-agey in school, this stuff was just a phenomena from my life. I had since lost this save on a sporadic basis, though less sporadic lately. I'm not sure what that is about. Though I have pondered that my diets change and increase in exercise had an effect.

    In school I was quickly put into gifted & talented and gifted & creative programs. After school programs sometimes, g&t/g&c field trips, and separate classes from my peers sometimes. It happened after I started entertaining myself once my work was finished, apparently I was a general nuisance, but I remember one catalyst: in some of that free time I would draw/sketch sacred geometry, strange creatures(many of reptilian origin), and pictures of a narrative I 'created'/'had' about aliens liberating earth by helping rebels. Much of this period of my life has missing time that I cant account for.

    One time in particular, I drew a five pointed star on my homework's margin along with other sacred geometry(I didn't know about sacred geometry until college), later I was called into the principles office, the door was closed, and the shades were lowered and the schools resource officer was there, I couldn't have been further than 1st or 2nd grade. I felt immediately uncomfortable, the resource officer just stood watching me the whole time, and the principle produced my paper from earlier, with the drawings in the margins. He asked "Do you know what these mean?" I said that it was a star and some other shapes. He did not seem enthused, he never left my gaze, then he said, "Why did you draw this?" I said that I was just doodling after my work was done. He then met gazes with the resource officer and the officer nodded. The principal said I could go back to class, and told my teacher to let him know if I drew things like this again. I kept a private journal in my bookbag after that to avoid direct attention.

    I started to go through puberty and an inner anger and defiance came out, something about this world seemed wrong. Everyone talked about being fair, and equally as often said that the world wasn't fair. It became clear that people didn't have a right to life in our current paradigm, they had to become subservient to some degree. It truly bothered me to the point that I became almost every other teenager. Just lousy as a person. I regret that part of my life and am sorry to the people who I hurt in my self-centeredness. I started sneaking out at night to hangout with friends, or more often to walk down to the lake alone and sit on a bluff over the water.

    As I started to go through puberty I was sexualized (too) early by a girl down the street with older siblings telling her 'what to do'. We were 12-14 years old doing things meant for adults. Thinking back, I wish I could have told my younger self that that behavior over the next 2 years was detrimental, immature, and though it felt good was not healthy for either involved. She eventually got bored and broke my heart at 16, due to her sister coaching her to cheat and other things to get back at me anytime we got mad at each other. It became quite toxic before the end, toxic and painful. As I was going through puberty and as this breakup happened, my first major heartbreak, I went for two weeks without eating, just depressed, started wearing all black. It was during this time that my memories from childhood(about my mother and what happened) started to flood back to conscious memory, any my subsequent questioning of grandparents about the events, my mother, and her life.

    This is the end of part two, thank you for bearing with me, I know I'm not the best at putting my experiences into actual words. There is probably a lot of useless info, but I had to put it down as such to keep it flowing out in chronological order. I didn't want to forget any odd details, if I could avoid it.

    Some of the next events I will cover will be my UFO sighting, psychic/uncanny phenomena, negative entity attachments, and my time in the military. I'd like to say again, any and all constructive feedback that could help me fill in the blanks would be greatly appreciated as well as any theories that could help explain the events in totality. Again, the full list of variables haven't been told yet, if it seems like too little to go on thus far.

    Love and light to all readers, be well.

  2. The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to Vexx021 For This Post:

    Denise/Dizi (23rd October 2022), DNA (22nd June 2018), Ernie Nemeth (22nd June 2018), Foxie Loxie (23rd June 2018), Keajran (22nd June 2018), Mark (Star Mariner) (22nd June 2018), toppy (23rd June 2018), Valerie Villars (22nd June 2018)

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    United States Avalon Member DNA's Avatar
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    8th May 2011
    S.W. Missouri
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    Default Re: A Strange Life In Need Of An Outside Review For Fresh Perspective; Part Two: Adoption Until Puberty

    Thanks for sharing Vexx021, you are a an excellent writer.
    I will try and digest and reply more later.

    Feel free to keep adding to your story, Avalon is an excellent place for feedback with these type of experiences.

    I appreciate your sharing.

  4. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to DNA For This Post:

    Foxie Loxie (23rd June 2018), toppy (23rd June 2018), Vexx021 (24th June 2018)

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    Canada Avalon Member Ernie Nemeth's Avatar
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    25th January 2011
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    Default Re: A Strange Life In Need Of An Outside Review For Fresh Perspective; Part Two: Adoption Until Puberty

    Saturn return is a difficult time. Reassessment and assimilation is a natural endeavour to cope with the unbalancing energies. I got a horoscope reading at that age and it allowed me to see a larger picture that eventually afforded me the means to transcend the angst. Keep it up but don't become obsessed. Regardless, you are who you are - and no one can alter that fact. And remember you are in control.

    This too shall pass.
    Empty your mind, be formless, shapeless — like water...Now water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend. Bruce Lee

    Free will can only be as free as the mind that conceives it.

  6. The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Ernie Nemeth For This Post:

    Foxie Loxie (23rd June 2018), toppy (23rd June 2018), Valerie Villars (23rd June 2018), Vexx021 (24th June 2018)

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    United States Avalon Member Foxie Loxie's Avatar
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    20th September 2015
    Central NY
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    Default Re: A Strange Life In Need Of An Outside Review For Fresh Perspective; Part Two: Adoption Until Puberty

    Thanks, for sharing, Vexx021! It IS good to set things down in writing!

    I think you might be interested in hearing George Kavassilas' story as he had odd happenings in his childhood as well. It kept him befuddled for years & he had to work through it all.

    Anything I suggest is right here on Avalon....no need to go to his website. Keep sharing, we'll keep listening!

  8. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Foxie Loxie For This Post:

    DNA (23rd June 2018), Vexx021 (24th June 2018)

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