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Thread: I Am The TRUE Satan - Any Questions?

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    Australia Avalon Member Innocent Warrior's Avatar
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    Default Re: I Am The TRUE Satan - Any Questions?

    Quote Posted by Mike (here)
    i was so close to dragging this man into hell, but then i saw something that stopped me in my tracks. next to his bed he had a bucket full of condoms. the strange thing about this was that he'd been with the same woman for years. they lived together. isn't condom-free sex the whole point of a long term relationship? just the thought of being relegated to a life of bland sh!tty condom sex made me take pity on this man, and i let him off the hook. you see, he was in hell already. you women have to realize that wearing a condom, for a man, is no different than dipping your d!ck in concrete, letting it harden, and then attempting to f#ck a manhole.
    Never give up on your silly, silly dreams.

    You mustn't be afraid to dream a little BIGGER, darling.

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    United States Avalon Member onawah's Avatar
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    Thumbs up Re: I Am The TRUE Satan - Any Questions?

    I happened to see this image of a gigantic slug



    ...and it made me think of our conversation about your current host, Mike, whom you compared to a slug here:
    (https://projectavalon.net/forum4/sho...=1#post1389006)
    Quote "A level of poetry is almost required, and my vehicle isn't up to it at the moment..the slug."
    I feel a need to defend him, despite how distasteful slugs may be (though the above specimen actually looks quite cuddly...)
    For I've often wished I could give Mike a hug for the many times he's made us laugh with his outrageous, no-holds-barred, ridiculous sense of humor.
    Of course, I don't know if that image of someone out trick-or-treating in a slug costume was actually Mike (which I posted here):
    Quote Posted by onawah (here)
    So I would suggest you vacate poor Mike asap (who, if he has become sluggish, has only you to blame).
    (Here he is out trick-or-treating, poor thing... )

    ...but the mental image was poetic, at least, and certainly heart-rending, which brings me back to my point.
    Is it his outrageous, no-holds-barred comical sense of humor that caused you to choose him as your current host?
    (Were you perhaps, a bit envious...?? )
    Though lately I see he has mainly just been expressing various stages of outrage (sometimes thinly disguised as tolerance) about a myriad of issues such as New Age Rationality, Corey Goode and other "Pretenders", Cancel Culture, and so on...
    I suppose it's a given that the more agreeable aspects of your chosen vehicles would eventually be eclipsed by their more disagreeable ones, but could you be persuaded to ease off a bit?

    I expect it was when our favorite Jester was deep in his cups



    ...that you were able to take up occupation.
    But given that God must have created you for your entertainment value, we should at least give you credit for that.
    And so I offer you a conciliatory toast to the New Year...



    ...And inquire if perhaps you would provide us with some insights into what you might have planned for 2021, and what you may have gained, or possibly even learned, from the lessons of the disaster that was 2020?

    Last edited by onawah; 2nd January 2021 at 21:06.
    Each breath a gift...
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  5. Link to Post #183
    United States Avalon Member Mike's Avatar
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    Default Re: I Am The TRUE Satan - Any Questions?

    2020? What have I learned? Well I've seen so many epochs come and go that nothing surprises me anymore. The electromagnetic spectrum might help to provide an analogy: Just as you are only able to see a small portion of the spectrum called visible light, so too are you only able to truly comprehend one small slice of history. This leaves your relativity, and therfore your perspective, lacking.

    My perspective is unimaginably larger in scope, which may make my observations difficult for you to grasp. So I could either try to explain them anyway or say something obvious and well-worn instead, something like with each new year comes new opportunities. I'm tempted to do just that.

    Any self-help guru or shrink will tell you to have a schedule. A schedule gives order to chaos. It's mentally comforting. That's all well and good when the world is functioning in a predictable manner. But when things become jumbled and unpredictable, and schedules harder to keep, the mental loyalty one has towards order only causes grief and anxiety. Blessed are the disorderly, for they have made peace with chaos. They will inherit what's left of the earth after certain people and things are done doing what they're currently doing with it.

    Satan's lesson for the day: get rid of your schedule. Get comfortable with chaos. You'll need to in order to survive what's coming.

    That's also a great way to develop a humorous side. Allow yourself to almost to mad. Dangle from a mental cliff for about 20 years, without ever quite going over. Flirt aggressively with madness and destruction. Allow yourself some calmer moments from time to time, using whatever means necessary. As you cross from calmness to madness, and from madness to calmness, you'll discover a small space between the two. Linger there long enough and you'll find your humor. It's kind of like a prize for surviving. If you cannot linger in that space very long, you will likely become the type that scolds men for wearing sunglasses and purchases Matthew Mournian's $500 "Blueflame Attunement" protocol.

    But you didn't come here for that. You wanted bad jokes. So here are some of the best you'll ever hear, straight from the master:


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    United States Avalon Member onawah's Avatar
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    Default Re: I Am The TRUE Satan - Any Questions?

    Hmmmm...not just bad__TERRIBLE!!
    Not to mention corny and inane.
    This does not bode at all well for 2021.
    Each breath a gift...
    _____________

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    Default Re: I Am The TRUE Satan - Any Questions?

    OMG, I am in trouble. Big trouble. I laughed at that Norm MacDonald compilation and am still giggling. This is what happens to someone after spending 2020 socially distanced from everyone else.
    Happiness comes from within, nowhere else.

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  11. Link to Post #186
    United States Avalon Member Strat's Avatar
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    Default Re: I Am The TRUE Satan - Any Questions?

    I wasn't sure where else to put this: https://www.theguardian.com/artandde...ic-masculinity

    I don't mean to be rude when I say it must be rough being Leslie Kern. In her mind the world is out to get her, everywhere she looks she sees oppression. The worst part is I imagine she annoys real feminists and women in general because she muddies the waters of any pro feminist agenda and real life issues that need to be addressed.

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  13. Link to Post #187
    United States Avalon Member Mike's Avatar
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    Default Re: I Am The TRUE Satan - Any Questions?

    Quote Posted by Strat (here)
    I wasn't sure where else to put this: https://www.theguardian.com/artandde...ic-masculinity

    I don't mean to be rude when I say it must be rough being Leslie Kern. In her mind the world is out to get her, everywhere she looks she sees oppression. The worst part is I imagine she annoys real feminists and women in general because she muddies the waters of any pro feminist agenda and real life issues that need to be addressed.



    "...I read the news today oh boy..."

    "...and i just had to laugh, i saw the photograph...."

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    United States Avalon Member Strat's Avatar
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    Default Re: I Am The TRUE Satan - Any Questions?



    Why must I be exposed to this imagery when I check the news? This is more offensive than anything on Porn Hub.

    If France, Spain, or England wants to reclaim FL territories then I am now open to this idea. Whatcha got to offer?

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    United States Avalon Member Mike's Avatar
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    Default Re: I Am The TRUE Satan - Any Questions?

    What's wrong with pornhub? Watch it blasphemer!

    When I read about England, I'm almost pleased to have the Biden/Harris ticket on the horizon. Things seem disastrous there. I love English culture, but I think John Cleese is right about it vanishing in the face of heavy immigration. And they seem even more politically correct than America.

    But I still think I might take England over France or Spain, for the very simple reason that I wouldn't have to learn another language. Plus, aside from how many Messi netted for Barcelona maybe, I see and know very little about Spain. I took Spanish for several years, but my vocabulary is still limited to asking if I can use the bathroom.

    France? France makes about as much noise as Mongolia. I have no idea what's going on there. If the deal included a date with Marion Cotillard, I might be willing to sell Florida back to the French. That and an autographed version of "Journey To The End Of The Night". But till then I'm holding firm.

    Mike here by the way. Satan is off running errands

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    United States Avalon Member onawah's Avatar
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    Default Re: I Am The TRUE Satan - Any Questions?

    OH... blah blah blah....and ....and ...whatever...
    (You'll just have to bear with some of us for awhile, Satan, if we aren't in the
    "Old Lang Syne" state of mind just now...)


    'Cause it looks like this is exactly what happened, and it's got a lot of people in a silly Satanic panic.

    And BTW, as if plenty of us haven't viewed that "unimaginably larger perspective" ourselves, and "dangled from a mental cliff for about 20 years, without ever quite going over."
    The only difference is, we've done it in the span of a single lifetime while it's taking you epochs.
    Face it, Satan, you are just a very slow learner...if that..

    I certainly didn't ask for terrible jokes ("bad" is much too kind a description). Those just made me want to ...which no doubt was your intention.

    But it's nice to see Mike coming back on track...
    He isn't vaingloriously pretentious and can tell a funny story the way it ought to be told.
    And he's got a good fanbase here already without having to resort to outright bragging and blatant self-advertisement.

    You know, I had some hope for you in 2020 but it looks like all your New Year's Resolutions have just gone to Hell, as usual.
    While you're off running errands Satan, I think you should consider hitching a ride to Mars
    I hear they are accepting all kinds nowadays...and it looks like somebody's already carved your face out on the surface.

    Considering how dull it must be up there, you might feel quite welcome.
    But then, you hate being loved, so maybe the Moon would be a better option.
    As busy as it's getting to be there, you would be very much in the way and possibly a source of even greater irritation than here on Earth, which would suit you.
    And I would think the Dark Side, which has become very trendy, might be just to your taste.




    Quote Posted by Mike (here)
    2020? What have I learned? Well I've seen so many epochs come and go that nothing surprises me anymore. The electromagnetic spectrum might help to provide an analogy: Just as you are only able to see a small portion of the spectrum called visible light, so too are you only able to truly comprehend one small slice of history. This leaves your relativity, and therfore your perspective, lacking.

    My perspective is unimaginably larger in scope, which may make my observations difficult for you to grasp. So I could either try to explain them anyway or say something obvious and well-worn instead, something like with each new year comes new opportunities. I'm tempted to do just that.

    Any self-help guru or shrink will tell you to have a schedule. A schedule gives order to chaos. It's mentally comforting. That's all well and good when the world is functioning in a predictable manner. But when things become jumbled and unpredictable, and schedules harder to keep, the mental loyalty one has towards order only causes grief and anxiety. Blessed are the disorderly, for they have made peace with chaos. They will inherit what's left of the earth after certain people and things are done doing what they're currently doing with it.

    Satan's lesson for the day: get rid of your schedule. Get comfortable with chaos. You'll need to in order to survive what's coming.

    That's also a great way to develop a humorous side. Allow yourself to almost to mad. Dangle from a mental cliff for about 20 years, without ever quite going over. Flirt aggressively with madness and destruction. Allow yourself some calmer moments from time to time, using whatever means necessary. As you cross from calmness to madness, and from madness to calmness, you'll discover a small space between the two. Linger there long enough and you'll find your humor. It's kind of like a prize for surviving. If you cannot linger in that space very long, you will likely become the type that scolds men for wearing sunglasses and purchases Matthew Mournian's $500 "Blueflame Attunement" protocol.

    But you didn't come here for that. You wanted bad jokes. So here are some of the best you'll ever hear, straight from the master:

    Each breath a gift...
    _____________

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    United States Avalon Member Strat's Avatar
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    Default Re: I Am The TRUE Satan - Any Questions?

    Quote Posted by Mike (here)
    But I still think I might take England over France or Spain, for the very simple reason that I wouldn't have to learn another language. Plus, aside from how many Messi netted for Barcelona maybe, I see and know very little about Spain. I took Spanish for several years, but my vocabulary is still limited to asking if I can use the bathroom.

    France? France makes about as much noise as Mongolia. I have no idea what's going on there. If the deal included a date with Marion Cotillard, I might be willing to sell Florida back to the French. That and an autographed version of "Journey To The End Of The Night". But till then I'm holding firm.
    Unfortunately you're right, those sneaky English win again. Their food sucks and their cars are worse but their beer is great and I like their witty charisma.

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  23. Link to Post #192
    United States Avalon Member Mike's Avatar
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    Default Re: I Am The TRUE Satan - Any Questions?

    Quote Posted by Strat (here)
    Quote Posted by Mike (here)
    But I still think I might take England over France or Spain, for the very simple reason that I wouldn't have to learn another language. Plus, aside from how many Messi netted for Barcelona maybe, I see and know very little about Spain. I took Spanish for several years, but my vocabulary is still limited to asking if I can use the bathroom.

    France? France makes about as much noise as Mongolia. I have no idea what's going on there. If the deal included a date with Marion Cotillard, I might be willing to sell Florida back to the French. That and an autographed version of "Journey To The End Of The Night". But till then I'm holding firm.
    Unfortunately you're right, those sneaky English win again. Their food sucks and their cars are worse but their beer is great and I like their witty charisma.


    My friend Jay was in England a few years ago. A real foodie, Jay is. He called me on the third or fourth day and sounded like he was ready to weep. The food, he said, was awful. In his desperation he went purely with soft snack foods. But even those tasted bad, according to him. He couldn't believe it.

    I wonder if American food tastes crappy to the English?

    I appreciate the English for the same reasons you do. I had several English soccer coaches growing up, and I found them to be utterly terrifying. They were devastatingly blunt and direct. It was a frightening novelty for a player like me, who had been coddled and complimented from the time I was 7 till 18.

    I'll never forget a recruiting trip I had once, and my meeting with this Brit coach. For context: I'd been on several recruiting trips before I met with this guy, and all the coaches had been very accommodating and almost fawning actually in their approach. Some of these guys were calling me 2, 3 times a week..one practically begging me to go to his school. You'd think it would be flattering, but at the time I recall it mostly being embarrassing.

    But the Brit guy was different. He looked me right in my eyes the entire time, and basically told me I wasn't sh!t. But it was done without malice, if you can imagine that. He was just being himself. He sat at a desk with a poster on the wall behind it, which was of him playing in the world cup, clashing with the great Michel Platini. I distinctly recall him comparing me to some other player of his, and the implication was: this guy wasn't very good when he came here and neither are you, but he became a solid player and you can too perhaps. That was his recruiting pitch! lol. It was kind of impressive actually.
    Last edited by Mike; 8th January 2021 at 02:57.

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    United States Avalon Member Mike's Avatar
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    Default Re: I Am The TRUE Satan - Any Questions?

    Nat i'll let Satan respond to you when he returns That all sounded like it was directed at him, so..

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  27. Link to Post #194
    United States Avalon Member Mike's Avatar
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    Default Re: I Am The TRUE Satan - Any Questions?

    Strat I got curious and looked that coach up. His name is Paul James. He's actually Welsh but became a Canadian citizen in 1983. And he represented Canada in the 1986 World Cup in Mexico. He lived a largely successful life until recently, when he was fired for crack cocaine use. As of 2018 he was living as a homeless man in a Canadian park as some sort of protest against mental illness discrimination.

    I was shocked to see that. He was such a formidable man when I saw him. In my naivete, I mistook his Welsh accent for an English one.

    Here's the poster that was hanging on his wall that day:



    This is how I recall him appearing back then, more or less. He was younger but that's basically it:


    And now as a homeless man:


    Here's his wiki:
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul_James_(soccer)

    And here's his story about addiction and homelessness. It's quite a story!:
    https://www.thestar.com/news/gta/201...r-justice.html
    Last edited by Mike; 8th January 2021 at 08:56.

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    United States Avalon Member Strat's Avatar
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    Default Re: I Am The TRUE Satan - Any Questions?

    Maybe sounds weird but you should consider yourself lucky you had that run in with him.
    Quote Posted by Mike (here)
    In my naivete, I mistook his Welsh accent for an English one.
    Don't beat yourself up. We Americans aren't good at this. I bet most think Cockney is Aussie.

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    Australia Avalon Member Innocent Warrior's Avatar
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    Default Re: I Am The TRUE Satan - Any Questions?

    Quote Posted by Mike (here)
    Nat i'll let Satan respond to you when he returns That all sounded like it was directed at him, so..
    Satan’s out? Bummer.

    S A T A N
    S A T A N
    S A T A N

    There you go, conjured him up for you, Nat.
    Never give up on your silly, silly dreams.

    You mustn't be afraid to dream a little BIGGER, darling.

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    United States Avalon Member onawah's Avatar
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    Default Re: I Am The TRUE Satan - Any Questions?

    Never far away, is he?

    The ball is still in his court, as far as I'm concerned.

    At least there has been some progress, and Mike is thinking about getting back in the game, even if it was only "back in the day".
    That's a step up from slug life, at least, and perhaps augers a better game in 2021 after all.


    (Just kidding, Mike. )
    And after all, a certain CNN Exec said, "the US would be better off if it were run by the NFL".
    https://www.independentsentinel.com/...n-the-country/
    (He was referring to mask-wearing and social distancing , which I won't even comment on, but with the general principal, being that the kind of lawless behavior we see in government would never be tolerated on a playing field, I totally agree.)

    Quote Posted by Innocent Warrior (here)
    Quote Posted by Mike (here)
    Nat i'll let Satan respond to you when he returns That all sounded like it was directed at him, so..
    Satan’s out? Bummer.

    S A T A N
    S A T A N
    S A T A N

    There you go, conjured him up for you, Nat.
    Last edited by onawah; 8th January 2021 at 08:54.
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    Netherlands Avalon Member ExomatrixTV's Avatar
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    Exclamation Re: I Am The TRUE Satan - Any Questions?

    Quote Posted by Mike (here)
    John here's a few more things you may not have known about that movie..

    Keanu Reeves was assigned an acting coach for the role by the studio, but he refused to work with him. Instead, he woke up 2 days before filming began, remembered that he needed to establish a character, and wound up working steadily for the next 48 hours with a semi-catatonic, drug addicted subnormal he found sleeping under a bridge.

    When discussing his preparation for the role years later he said, "I just watched him closely that entire time and did exactly what he did, which was nothing. He was just a blank sheet. So I brought that to the role and I think I nailed it."

    More fun facts: Al Pacino died during filming. He died of frustration. Keanu's acting killed him. Liza Minnelli had fully transitioned by then, and replaced him seamlessly. Very few people noticed. In fact, the Al Pacino you see today is really Liza Minnelli. It's true, just ask fake Paul McCartney.

    Thanks to you Mike ...you inspired me to look for more:


    • Keanu Reeves on 'The Devil's Advocate' & his co-star Al Pacino - Sept 2013

    source
    • 1997 Keanu Reeves / The Devil's Advocate / on the set

    • HIDDEN MESSAGES IN DEVILS ADVOCATE You Just Won´t Believe:

    • 10 Things You Didn't know About DevilsAdvocate
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  37. Link to Post #199
    United States Avalon Member Mike's Avatar
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    Default Re: I Am The TRUE Satan - Any Questions?

    Good stuff John

    I actually like Keanu Reeves. He just happened to be awful in that one movie. They shoulda gotten Ed Norton for that role, or someone of that ilk.

    Reeves is not the greatest actor, but I can't imagine some of my favorite movies without him in them, Point Break in particular. I love that movie, and Reeves is great in it. And more recently the John Wick movies. And of course The Matrix trilogy. He's been in tons of good movies and he's been good in them, to be fair.

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    United States Avalon Member Free Thinker's Avatar
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    Default Re: I Am The TRUE Satan - Any Questions?

    This thread is absolutely hilarious. :D LOL. Makes me want to hee haw all the way to China... On second thought, I don't want to go to China, so I will just hee haw myself right back.... hehehehehehe

    So, I have a question(s) as well.

    Deer Satan (or should I say Goat Satan?),

    Do you have the ability to spontaneously generate magic wands of whatever from your spaded arse whenever you like to achieve any purpose you desire? Must make it really hard to sit down, now doin't it? Oh, wait, nah, that spaded tail will do that all by itself, yep....

    Edit: Still reading all the posts, but felt compelled to comment just now.
    "The truth will set us free, whatever that may be."
    "Question everything. Make a path where there was not one before."
    "We are part of the Universe. It's story, is our story."

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