I Am The TRUE Satan - Any Questions?

[onawah]

I PMed Bill Ryan per your request for a new emoji representing spiritual lobotomy, Satan.
I will probably PM TinTin as well, as I think he is probably the one responsible for emojis.
Hopefully they will answer you here, right on this thread, as I'm sure they would have something worthwhile to contribute.
And no doubt you will enjoy the attention.
(I agree that would be a useful emoji, especially considering the vaccine news these days. I'm assuming you had something to do with concocting that poisonous prick?)



You really do like to make people bleed, don't you?

Well, and thank you in return for the question, but actually I had never heard of Ed Dames before seeing the other current thread bringing our attention to his attempt to remote view you.
Easy for you to claim after the fact that you were fully aware, but I was really just wondering if you really were aware, or if you were just off sulking in a corner somewhere, or doing something reprehensible but unrelated.
We'll have to check on the timing and see what disasters were happening around then.
But I will have to leave it to other forum members to update us on the status of Ed Dames, post that remote viewing debacle.

What exactly is it that obliges you to arrive when your name is uttered?
Now there's a question for you, Satan, and I know we'd all like to hear the answer to that one.
Does it normally affect you like this...



...or do you welcome it at times?
What about when you are being Unsummoned?

Here's another question: what have you had to do with all the racism controversy going on now?
Are we going to have to start portraying you as black now (instead of red) in order to give the black race equal power, and take the red race off the hook?





Or is it that we have to assert that you are white because the whites are having their feet held to the fire these days?
Or perhaps that you are actually a woman to help ensure more equality for the genders?





Or is it true that you are transexual?






(I wonder if Satan is getting tired of confusing and befuddling the far Left yet?
I have to give him credit for that piece of work, but I can certainly see how it may have been wearying even for him...
It may be that Satan will be mulling over how to answer those questions for some time, also how to make himself appear in a favorable light in the process.
But forum members don't have to wait for his replies if they care to post in this thread.
He can't resist posting here for the attention it gets him, though sometimes he can hold off for quite awhile if he just can't get the steam up.
But there's no harm in playing on this particular devil's playground, I think.)

Posted by Mike (here)

Posted by Free Thinker (here)

Posted by Mike (here)
Onawah, you appear to have asked an earnest question about Ed Dames. Thank you. I'm going to choose to ignore all the other sh!t you've written and attempt to answer it.

Actually I'm gonna ignore that question too.

I think Satan's losing his steam. Whaddya'll think?

Satan was losing his steam about 10 pages ago darling! I hope you're not just noticing now. If you're expecting some performing flea I'm not your guy. Mike might offer some jokes or a story, but I ain't him. And let's thank the halls of Hades for that! I got over the novelty of my cleverness long ago, and feel very little need to demonstrate it anymore. Mike on the other hand, the soulless, emotionally needy git he is...

Admitting you own a Doreen Virtue book has earned you some points with Satan. As a symbolic gesture of reciprocity, I'll admit to - when in the proper mood - enjoying a little Air Supply. But don't think this gesture makes us friends. I still hate you and everything your incense addled brain cells stand for.

Onawah, about Ed Dames...

Let me ask you this: have you heard much from Ed Dames in recent years? Yeah, neither have I. Oh, you want to know if I had anything to do with that, do you? Well just wait a moment while I act annoyingly coy about it..

....
....
....
....

Of course I f'ing did!

When my name is uttered, I'm obliged to arrive. So when Dames was announcing his strategy to the world on that silly radio show, I heard every last word of it. A fool that man is! It would have been no different had a general phoned his enemy and declared, "We're approaching from the south and we'll arrive on your shores at noon. You and your troops be ready!" He "remote viewed" me alright, and then I trapped him..much like you might a fly in a glass..watching it slowly die of oxygen deprivation before plucking off it's wings so it could drunkenly wobble it's way to an ignominious and humiliating death.

What does that all mean? Well I basically gave the man a spiritual lobotomy. I'll put you in charge of telling the owner of this place that we need a spiritual lobotomy emoji.

[Bill Ryan]

Posted by onawah (here)
I PMed Bill Ryan per your request for a new emoji representing spiritual lobotomy, Satan.

~~~

I have a question for Satan. It's about depopulation.

I know you're behind the push to kill everyone off. You don't need to admit to that. But isn't that a little self-defeating?

With only a few humans left, you'd not have nearly as much fun playing with them all. And only the smarter ones might be still around, so they might not fall for your tricks so easily. What gives?

[happyuk]

1. If I were the Devil, by Paul Harvey (an American broadcaster) originally broadcast on April 3rd, 1965.

Source: https://youtube.com/watch?v=cg5i7OPRaNg

If I were the devil … If I were the Prince of Darkness, I’d want to engulf the whole world in darkness. And I’d have a third of its real estate, and four-fifths of its population, but I wouldn’t be happy until I had seized the ripest apple on the tree — Thee. So I’d set about however necessary to take over the United States. I’d subvert the churches first — I’d begin with a campaign of whispers. With the wisdom of a serpent, I would whisper to you as I whispered to Eve: ‘Do as you please.

To the young, I would whisper that ‘The Bible is a myth.’ I would convince them that man created God instead of the other way around. I would confide that what’s bad is good, and what’s good is ‘square.’ And the old, I would teach to pray, after me, ‘Our Father, which art in Washington…

And then I’d get organized. I’d educate authors in how to make lurid literature exciting, so that anything else would appear dull and uninteresting. I’d threaten TV with dirtier movies and vice versa. I’d pedal narcotics to whom I could. I’d sell alcohol to ladies and gentlemen of distinction. I’d tranquilize the rest with pills.

If I were the devil I’d soon have families at war with themselves, churches at war with themselves, and nations at war with themselves; until each in its turn was consumed. And with promises of higher ratings I’d have mesmerizing media fanning the flames. If I were the devil I would encourage schools to refine young intellects, but neglect to discipline emotions — just let those run wild, until before you knew it, you’d have to have drug sniffing dogs and metal detectors at every schoolhouse door.

Within a decade I’d have prisons overflowing, I’d have judges promoting pornography — soon I could evict God from the courthouse, then from the schoolhouse, and then from the houses of Congress. And in His own churches I would substitute psychology for religion, and deify science. I would lure priests and pastors into misusing boys and girls, and church money. If I were the devil I’d make the symbols of Easter an egg and the symbol of Christmas a bottle.

If I were the devil I’d take from those who have, and give to those who want until I had killed the incentive of the ambitious.

And what do you bet I could get whole states to promote gambling as the way to get rich? I would caution against extremes and hard work in Patriotism, in moral conduct. I would convince the young that marriage is old-fashioned, that swinging is more fun, that what you see on the TV is the way to be. And thus, I could undress you in public, and I could lure you into bed with diseases for which there is no cure. In other words, if I were the devil I’d just keep right on doing what he’s doing.

Paul Harvey, good day.

2. Interview With The Devil | Outwitting The Devil | The Secret To Freedom And Success By Napoleon Hill

Well worth a listen!

Source: https://youtube.com/watch?v=5YeIbiHg3co

[Mike]

Posted by Bill Ryan (here)

Posted by onawah (here)
I PMed Bill Ryan per your request for a new emoji representing spiritual lobotomy, Satan.

~~~

I have a question for Satan. It's about depopulation.

I know you're behind the push to kill everyone off. You don't need to admit to that. But isn't that a little self-defeating?

With only a few humans left, you'd not have nearly as much fun playing with them all. And only the smarter ones might be still around, so they might not fall for your tricks so easily. What gives?

It's a good question.

It's all to do with worthy opponents. If I can't stay interested and engaged, I risk blinking out of existence..at least from your perspective. My desire to exist and wreak havoc is mostly responsible for me keeping form in this dimension - that, and the energy I siphon off people I manipulate. The thing is, those people have to have energy worth siphoning.

If you put a mouse in a cage a snake will take it's sweet time eating it. There isn't much motivation involved in that game. And the energetic payoff is negligible.

I was in a shopping mall today, and I saw this woman toss 2 hamburgers in her mouth and finish them off in a matter of seconds, like a crocodile. And then she wiped her mouth with her shirt. After that she wadded up her bag and stared dumbly at the trash can, which was roughly 10 feet away, as if her jedi powers might cause it to slide to her side so she could forsake the 3 second effort walking to it. When she was comfortable no one was looking she tossed the bag awkwardly in the general direction of the trash can, missing by a good 5 feet. Then she got up and waddled off like a fat penguin, moving right past the bag without picking it up.

Not too far away a fully grown man was wiping a booger underneath his chair with his right hand while watching fake wrestling on his phone with his left

I ask you sincerely: why should these people even be allowed to exist? Why? So the fat penguin lady can mate with the fake wrestling loving booger guy?

I'm blessed in a way because I can remove emotion from any equation in a snap. You people call this "psychopathy". I call it convenient. If someone is drowning and you approach to assist, that person must stop flailing if you're both to survive. Otherwise you both die. A sober decision must be made in that instant, divorced from emotion. On earth, at this moment, the weak are flailing. You have to let them go. And I'm happy to take them. It leaves worthy opponents remaining, and that's where I truly get my kicks

p.s. thanks for the new emoji

[Mike]

Onawah, you're quite direct, aren't you? Asking about my sex life and all...

Fair enough.

I'll tell you briefly how all this sexual confusion came to be. The cliff notes anyway..

A friend once told me this story about an older couple who desperately wanted children but could never conceive. They'd been having sex for many, many years, daily!..so that wasn't the issue. The issue was, they had a profound misunderstanding about sex. It seemed impossible that they couldn't sort it out, but they couldn't. By age 50 the wife was incontinent and the man, named Larry, suffered many bacterial infections. They gave it up, and it left a huge hole in their souls.

The issue was this: the man had learned all he knew about sex from a short conversation with his older brother, where the brother had described a certain type of unconventional sex his girlfriend allowed only once a year, on his birthday..as a treat of sorts.

Shortly after his wife died of colon cancer Larry was on his death bed, dying of a broken heart. He and his brother spoke, and he expressed his deep sadness over never having a family. When it became apparent why, the older brother consoled Larry by telling him it had been his birthday nearly every day in this life, which was a nice consolation prize...wasn't it Larry? Larry? Larry are you still with me?

..Larry had died. The shock of his stupidity had stopped his heart.

Well this story just tickled me, and I made it my life's work to confuse everybody in similar ways. This is how it all started, but there's too much to be said about it all in one post. Ask me again later

[Mike]

Posted by happyuk (here)
1. If I were the Devil, by Paul Harvey (an American broadcaster) originally broadcast on April 3rd, 1965.

Source: https://youtube.com/watch?v=cg5i7OPRaNg

If I were the devil … If I were the Prince of Darkness, I’d want to engulf the whole world in darkness. And I’d have a third of its real estate, and four-fifths of its population, but I wouldn’t be happy until I had seized the ripest apple on the tree — Thee. So I’d set about however necessary to take over the United States. I’d subvert the churches first — I’d begin with a campaign of whispers. With the wisdom of a serpent, I would whisper to you as I whispered to Eve: ‘Do as you please.

To the young, I would whisper that ‘The Bible is a myth.’ I would convince them that man created God instead of the other way around. I would confide that what’s bad is good, and what’s good is ‘square.’ And the old, I would teach to pray, after me, ‘Our Father, which art in Washington…

And then I’d get organized. I’d educate authors in how to make lurid literature exciting, so that anything else would appear dull and uninteresting. I’d threaten TV with dirtier movies and vice versa. I’d pedal narcotics to whom I could. I’d sell alcohol to ladies and gentlemen of distinction. I’d tranquilize the rest with pills.

If I were the devil I’d soon have families at war with themselves, churches at war with themselves, and nations at war with themselves; until each in its turn was consumed. And with promises of higher ratings I’d have mesmerizing media fanning the flames. If I were the devil I would encourage schools to refine young intellects, but neglect to discipline emotions — just let those run wild, until before you knew it, you’d have to have drug sniffing dogs and metal detectors at every schoolhouse door.

Within a decade I’d have prisons overflowing, I’d have judges promoting pornography — soon I could evict God from the courthouse, then from the schoolhouse, and then from the houses of Congress. And in His own churches I would substitute psychology for religion, and deify science. I would lure priests and pastors into misusing boys and girls, and church money. If I were the devil I’d make the symbols of Easter an egg and the symbol of Christmas a bottle.

If I were the devil I’d take from those who have, and give to those who want until I had killed the incentive of the ambitious.

And what do you bet I could get whole states to promote gambling as the way to get rich? I would caution against extremes and hard work in Patriotism, in moral conduct. I would convince the young that marriage is old-fashioned, that swinging is more fun, that what you see on the TV is the way to be. And thus, I could undress you in public, and I could lure you into bed with diseases for which there is no cure. In other words, if I were the devil I’d just keep right on doing what he’s doing.

Paul Harvey, good day.

2. Interview With The Devil | Outwitting The Devil | The Secret To Freedom And Success By Napoleon Hill

Well worth a listen!

Source: https://youtube.com/watch?v=5YeIbiHg3co

Reading all that really warmed my heart. Hell of a plan, no?

[onawah]

I was sure you wouldn't mind, Satan, you being such an exhibitionist and all...

Onawah, you're quite direct, aren't you? Asking about my sex life and all...

I wasn't really asking about your sex life.
(Pardon me, but actually, I would rather be spared any details when it comes to that. )




(But you might find this thread to be of interest: "Men, ejaculating is the single biggest handicap you can give yourself in the game of life"
https://projectavalon.net/forum4/sho...=1#post1416119
And I might be interested in hearing your comments about that.

While readers of this thread might be interested in: "20 Basic Tactics Used By Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths To manipulate And Silence A Prey"
https://projectavalon.net/forum4/sho...=1#post1148247 )


I was actually more interested in knowing your political motivations, if any, in causing so much confusion.
No doubt you could care less what the Left or the Right are up to, but you seem to be spending a lot more time and energy screwing with the Left than with the Right these days, and I just wondered why.
Do you have a particular antipathy toward the Left nowadays?
What do you think about the WOKE movement?


I'd say it's fitting that you see yourself as having a redeeming function, as being a sort of scavenger of the human race.





So do you consider that you are serving a higher purpose (via the culling from the human population those who are not evolving)?
Buddhism says that existence is about much more than Good versus Evil, and that it's also about cycles of evolution.
In the work of the author Carlos Castaneda, the concept of the "worthy opponent" is used when referring to the evolution of a human who is intent on evolving.

My question is, are YOU really a worthy opponent? And do you spare those opponents whom you consider to be worthy?
We probably already know your answer to this, as I imagine you don't consider yourself to be evolving, but as an already perfected being.
But I think you enjoy these kinds of philosophical riddles, do you not?




UPDATE: PS SO, Satan, you can bet that lots of female Avalon members are going to be leaping to Mike's defense after his post here: https://projectavalon.net/forum4/sho...=1#post1427341
Which, I would say, was not only sincere on Mike's part, but very well played, as well.
The Unconditional Love of mothers has got to be your most unfavorite thing, and I don't imagine you like Her Day very much at all.
BTW, did you remember YOUR mother on Mother's Day?

[onawah]

Bringing this to your attention, Satan:
https://projectavalon.net/forum4/sho...=1#post1428974
It's a thread about appreciating vaginas, but Mike deserves some appreciation from you as well for his contribution there, so I am calling you to task once again.

[Mike]

Posted by onawah (here)
Bringing this to your attention, Satan:
https://projectavalon.net/forum4/sho...=1#post1428974
It's a thread about appreciating vaginas, but Mike deserves some appreciation from you as well for his contribution there, so I am calling you to task once again.

Hell I wrote that post for him! He just doesn't know it yet. I do that from time to time.

But jeez, even I felt weird after that guy posted a picture of that alleged clam. So perpetuating that thread backfired on me. I'm not perfect, just almost perfect.

[onawah]

OK, so a couple of weeks ago I got a PM from either Satan or Mike which basically left me wondering what the point of the message was, because it was very, perhaps deliberately, unclear...
I cannot divulge the content of the PM according to forum rules but I CAN call out His Evilness and ask just what the -----he is up to now.

(I've already asked Mike about that message but have received no response.
So I can only conclude that it was from Satan, using Mike once again as his unwitting, unconscious mouthpiece.
And that once again, Mike had no clue that he was being used, as, in my experience, he is normally very conscientious about answering PMs.)

So please tell us, oh Evil One, what's the Deal?



Are you sadly in need of some attention now?



Was that a call for help?
Or a final farewell?
Have you found a new host (or hostess) to bedevil?



It would seem you have been quite busy elsewhere, at least...



You have had a long run here on the forum since the inception of the thread "I am the True Jesus" which apparently you simply could not resist and which brought you here in the first place, presumably.
We know you like a big audience, and you got one here
.


Are you looking for greener pastures?
Or are you thinking about retiring altogether ? (We can only hope!! )

I don't think it's your style to just fade quietly away, but this long silence is getting suspicious.
So come on now, don't be coy, come clean for once!!

[Mike]

Nat I hope my pm cleared up matters. At the moment I appear to be free of any Satanic influence...unless of course Satan is influencing me to say what I'm saying now. But I don't think he is. Then again, he could have influenced me to say that too. But I doubt it. I think...

I haven't done or said anything needlessly cruel in some time. I still like to hang up on people though in the middle of phone conversations, particularly when they seem very animated and talky and excited. I allow them to gain momentum, build up to a kind of crescendo, and then....click. I hang up. My friends (both of them) have a tendency to just talk, talk, talk, so they don't notice initially. Sometimes, they tell me, they'll keep talking for a good 30, 40 seconds before they realize I've hung up. This gives me great joy.

Why?, you may be wondering. Well, my friends harass me with phone calls constantly. I usually don't answer. But they keep calling anyway. Doesn't matter the time. They'll keep calling. Relentlessly. It's astounding. They're kind of annoyed that I'm not picking up so it's their way of getting back at me, in some sense. It's a little game we play.

In the event I do pick up, I'm quickly reminded why I usually don't. My friends love to complain about their boredom. It's remarkable. They go on and on about it. And then they say the same things about their jobs, girlfriends, and so on. Same conversation, every time. Usually I say very little. But even when I attempt to say something, these fools barely notice. They just talk right over me. Even when I say I have to go..they simply pretend like I didn't just say it and continue talking. It's really something.

So, in response, I've developed this habit of hanging up on them without warning. I'll also fart into the phone occasionally. My friend Mike will call me and offer the same complaints about his girlfriend, over and over and over. And, unfailingly, he will say the following after reciting all these complaints: "If she does it one more time, I'm leaving!" You'd think a kind of baseline pride would prevent him from continuing to say that, but it doesn't. He's said it dozens of times. So now, when he says that, I take my phone and place it next to my ass and push with all my might to manufacture a fart. And then I hang up.

It's the only logical response to such lunacy. But it's hardly evil. I think my evil days are behind me.

So, this thread, as far as I'm concerned, has reached its natural death. I will not fart or hang up on anyone who posts on it, but I likely won't respond either. Mike has spoken

[Patient]

Lol! I can relate to a person that calls and calls - then tries to keep you online while they have nothing to say really. Then they talk to other people while keeping me on the phone so it is easy to see that they want to show both parties that they have friends!

I have learned to really appreciate the "speaker" button. I can put the phone down and continue to do whatever it is I need to do while the party on the other end talks away!

Then there is another person who calls, ends the conversation but forgets to hang up on his end. Some odd moments have come from that. Lol!

[onawah]

Well, good to know, Mike.
However, if Satan appears again on this thread with more smart-alecky remarks (which, however, aren't that different from you own a lot of the time, so it can be difficult to tell the difference... ) I promise to PM and let you know.
I hope your new supplement regimen keeps His Satanic Majesty at bay, like the apple a day keeps the doctor away.
You know, you could save yourself lot of time and effort by purchasing a fart cushion, which makes the noise for you.
Then you wouldn't have to strain or wait until you've got enough hot air built up.
(Better than being a human Whoopie Cushion...)

But it sounds like you're perfecting the art, and such a short cut might interfere with your creative genius!

[Mashika]

Posted by onawah (here)
Well, good to know, Mike.
However, if Satan appears again on this thread with more smart-alecky remarks (which, however, aren't that different from you own a lot of the time, so it can be difficult to tell the difference... ) I promise to PM and let you know.
I hope your new supplement regimen keeps His Satanic Majesty at bay, like the apple a day keeps the doctor away.
You know, you could save yourself lot of time and effort by purchasing a fart cushion, which makes the noise for you.
Then you wouldn't have to strain or wait until you've got enough hot air built up.
(Better than being a human Whoopie Cushion...)

But it sounds like you're perfecting the art, and such a short cut might interfere with your creative genius!

An apple a day, keeps MikeSatan away...Green or red Apple, i wonder...

[Strat]

Posted by Mike (here)
My friends (both of them)

Your coy posts don't fool me. Your self deprecating behavior is like Usain Bolt complaining that he's not fast enough. My psychic powers tell me you're actually a really fun and cool person. We both know it quit lying. I don't meet internet people, I can count on one hand how many folks here I'd like to meet in person but you're on top of that list. Unless like wondering or runningdeer or the Captain is around.. You know what I'm saying.

Funny cause you're a couple hours away and yet I'm still too lazy to make that drive. Hell, it's probably for the best. I can't imagine good would come from The Joker hanging out with Tyler Durden.

[Mike]

Posted by Strat (here)

Posted by Mike (here)
My friends (both of them)

Your coy posts don't fool me. Your self deprecating behavior is like Usain Bolt complaining that he's not fast enough. My psychic powers tell me you're actually a really fun and cool person. We both know it quit lying. I don't meet internet people, I can count on one hand how many folks here I'd like to meet in person but you're on top of that list. Unless like wondering or runningdeer or the Captain is around.. You know what I'm saying.

Funny cause you're a couple hours away and yet I'm still too lazy to make that drive. Hell, it's probably for the best. I can't imagine good would come from The Joker hanging out with Tyler Durden.

The friend thing is mostly by choice...I think, lol

I have maybe 4 or 5 close friends, to be perfectly honest(not counting people I've met on the forum over the years). They live all over the country, except one who lives in Tampa. We get together maybe once or twice a month. It's the longest hour and 45 minute drive in history. It feels like 3 hours.

You can probably relate to this: I've been isolated for so long due to this heart thing I have going on, that I've been kind of a shut in. I mean, I go to work and to the grocery store and so forth, but there's little energy left for much else. It's improving though, so I try to stay hopeful. I'm back in the gym, getting in shape, and that makes me feel good.

I wouldn't say I'm lonely though. I have bouts of it, sometimes, but over time you adjust. You get used to it. You adapt. And for better or worse, you kind of prefer your own company eventually. Im much more bored than lonely I'd say. I dunno..As I'm feeling better I'm desiring more action and interaction, so maybe I'll be different in a few months or something. Hard to say.

Dude we're definitely gonna connect at some point. Durden and Satan must meet. The universe demands it.

[Strat]

Posted by Mike (here)
You can probably relate to this: I've been isolated for so long due to this heart thing I have going on, that I've been kind of a shut in.

Ain't it so much fun explaining this to strangers? Yeah, I hear you.

Posted by Mike (here)
Dude we're definitely gonna connect at some point. Durden and Satan must meet. The universe demands it.

Fly Molech, hide in the shadows. The boys are back in town.

[Innocent Warrior]

[Patient]

Posted by Strat (here)

Posted by Mike (here)
You can probably relate to this: I've been isolated for so long due to this heart thing I have going on, that I've been kind of a shut in.

Ain't it so much fun explaining this to strangers? Yeah, I hear you.

Posted by Mike (here)
Dude we're definitely gonna connect at some point. Durden and Satan must meet. The universe demands it.

Fly Molech, hide in the shadows. The boys are back in town.

For real - too bad I am a way up here from wherever you guys are, because I am sure that it would be an unforgettable time to spend in the company of you two!

And then there is the border thing - I hate going through customs! Lol!

[Chester]

Posted by Mike (here)
I hadn't planned on revealing my true identity ..but that cretinous, sorry excuse for a nemesis has stubbornly set up camp in my jurisdiction, despite all my territorial piss squirts and scat piles. There goes the bloody neighborhood (no pun intended...I haven't killed anyone in a while, actually).

The truth is, I smelt him coming from a galaxy away. It was like getting olfactorily b!tch-slapped. He came riding a glowing wave of white light, with leonine locks of glistening hair swept off his tan forehead..reeking of fresh linens and fabric softener and wood shavings. He arrived on earth a bit too dramatically for my tastes...sort of like a gymnast who has nailed a complicated landing. He offered a smug, sanctimonious grin to men and beast alike, shamelessly inviting our adoration. Wasn't that wonderful, he seemed to say? Aren't *I* wonderful?

Salvation? Pah! The man couldn't even control his own bladder! The serpents were the first to notice a curious dark stain on the groin area of his robe..and after announcing it to the mammals, word got back to Christ and he condemned those slithery little gossipers to what your legends call a "garden" but was really just a compost pile filled with rotting veggies and semen-stained leaves from the naked homeless couple that were living there at the time. They'd recently been booted from their cave for failing to pay the rent. The man looked especially desperate so I offered him an apple for his soul, and the idiot agreed. I have it trapped in a glass cage near my 9th chakra.. and his sad, pitiful, astral face remains perpetually smashed against it, watching it horror as I tempt his dumb wife, night after night. Your history has got it all backwards.

I AM the true Satan. Oh, do I seem too frivolous for you? Too Silly? Eternity will do that to you! When faced with timelessness, there is really nothing left to do but f#ck with you idiots. Stop trying to find deep meanings in all of it!!! No, you weren't "chosen", ok?...in the spirit of collegiality I'll confess to being behind that grey-alien meme. And they're not "aliens" anyway...they're merely petulant children gone rogue. Sure, I spawned them, but here's the kicker - they're half-human..all thanks to that horny adulteress at the compost pile. That's why women will eternally suffer menstrual cycles by the way. That's one thing your traditional Christians got right - it's a punishment...never mind the expedient fellow who lobotomized his soul for the apple and lost his ability to protect her properly. See, justice was never God's strong suit. The first few pages of genesis testify to that. And he passed his hypocriticism onto Junior...his recent thread provides the evidence!

At least I got kicked out of heaven for attempting something ambitious! Junior was basically kicked out for not taking out the trash and neglecting to make his bed. He spun the whole "savior" story out of embarrassment.. it's high level of grandiosity only betrays his level of shame and humiliation.

Think I'm lying? Making this all up? Ridicule me, I dare you. At best you'll have a dream of a guttoral, backwards-sounding-record-voice repeating disturbing mantras to highjack your soul frequency. At worst, I'll manifest as a hag in a striped sweater, sucking your spirit essence out thru your luminous egg whilst smiling at you creepily throughout your entire 5 hour sleep paralysis. I have pretty bad breath too, by the way.

I hate you all, but I am available for questions...mostly because I hate christ more and want to steal a bit of his thunder. Dad's been neglecting him for a while now, and with his birthday coming up, the absence of paternal attention is making him nostalgic and mawkish. Don't feel bad for him though, it's all ego. It's all ego for me too, but i readily confess it..and there's something to be said for that.

Ah, this is liberating! I was sick of pretending to be that Mike fellow, funny and brilliant as he was.

So go on, ask away. Don't be shy. I am Satan and I am at your service, but not for long! I can only hold form here for a short period of time..at which point Mike will take over and recall none of this..he therefore cannot be responsible for anything said from this point on.....

I was once a "resident" in a psychiatric facility where I had the great pleasure (and opportunity) to meet three Jesuses. This was quite confusing because, at that time (and I was only 22), I had been concerned that I might be Jesus too! But the best part of this story was that one day, all three Jesuses were in the small lounge where sat another "resident" who was certain, and in the most calm and accepting way, that he was Satan.

I just couldn't help the opportunity to "stir the pot" and so I led the three Jesuses into a discussion as to who was the real Jesus. All the while, the resident Satan was enjoying the discussion which soon became quite heated. Imagine watching three people argue over who's the real Jesus while knowing you are actually the real Jesus?

Eventually, the discussion turned into a shouting match (of which I instigated) and gained the attention of some of the male staff who rushed in to break up the row (sending each to their rooms). A brief investigation led to the truth... that I had started it all and I was restricted back to the unit for a week or so. Yet thereafter, each time I saw the resident Satan, he smiled in a way that reflected amusement, appreciation and knowing.

It was that day I realized I wasn't just Jesus. I was "a satan" too!

Hopefully that explains it all well enough.

Psychosis is not psychosis until others suspect you are psychotic. In other words, only when others get worried you've gone psychotic, are you officially psychotic. IMO we are all unofficially psychotic just for being anchored in this lovely 5 sense consensus reality... but what do I know?