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Thread: I Am The TRUE Satan - Any Questions?

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    United States Avalon Member onawah's Avatar
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    Default Re: I Am The TRUE Satan - Any Questions?

    It would go something like this:


    Quote Posted by onawah (here)
    It occurs to me that you have been taking OBE lessons from that batty bad boy Brit friend of yours.
    Hmmphhh!!
    That would be typical of the two of you, voyeuristically carousing around on the astral.
    Last edited by onawah; 30th January 2019 at 20:13.
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  3. Link to Post #122
    United States Avalon Member Mike's Avatar
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    Default Re: I Am The TRUE Satan - Any Questions?

    Why would i need lessons from a mortal? About anything? I think I'm actually offended (...so that's what that feels like).

    But you may be slightly psychic. That bombastic bisexual brit brigadier of bedevilment (Satan can out alliterate anyone...tho i suspect said Brit might wanly and unconvincingly dispute the bisexual allegation) talked my vehicle into purchasing this movie not too long ago, even attaching the "must see" label. Now Mike isn't the brightest bulb..he has a few of you fooled but he's actually quite thick. Wit does not equal intelligence; in fact, it's often a creative way of hiding an intelligence deficiency. Don't tell him I told you so.

    So he ordered the movie and waited weeks, never once wondering why..despite his Amazon prime status and common sense. It finally arrived and he promptly put it in the dvd player, only to be informed that, this disk will not function on american devices. we, the former world conquerors now occupying about 50 square feet of land have decided, out of spite, to not make our technology compatible with american technology. so put that in your empty budweiser cans, cut a hole in the top, and smoke it (while listening to Aerosmith) ...paraphrase.

    Mike ordered the dvd from England, stupidly but mistakenly. it won't work in an american dvd player.

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  5. Link to Post #123
    United States Avalon Member onawah's Avatar
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    Default Re: I Am The TRUE Satan - Any Questions?

    Well, that figures and about what I would expect.
    After all, when two lunatics put their heads together, what could possibly materialize but more lunacy?

    ( Such as--I think you will see the similarities--
    )

    I will PM Mike and advise him to get it from Netflix.
    He can always unsubscribe afterwards if there's nothing else he wants from that venue.
    And if he wants to keep it, he only has to pay a nominal fee.
    Or watch it online if he doesn't mind risking getting a virus.

    I will advise him to watch it sober, so you won't be able to spy.
    The plot is too fine an example of what misfortunes to the human race your brand of mischief produces, and it would most certainly go to your head.
    Which is already fat enough.

    While for him, it could be a life-changing experience.
    (Many of higher IQ than he have become life-long cult fanatics.)
    And if you have been taking up residence in his head, God only knows, he must need one!

    Quote Posted by Mike (here)
    Why would i need lessons from a mortal? About anything? I think I'm actually offended (...so that's what that feels like).

    But you may be slightly psychic. That bombastic bisexual brit brigadier of bedevilment (Satan can out alliterate anyone...tho i suspect said Brit might wanly and unconvincingly dispute the bisexual allegation) talked my vehicle into purchasing this movie not too long ago, even attaching the "must see" label. Now Mike isn't the brightest bulb..he has a few of you fooled but he's actually quite thick. Wit does not equal intelligence; in fact, it's often a creative way of hiding an intelligence deficiency. Don't tell him I told you so.

    So he ordered the movie and waited weeks, never once wondering why..despite his Amazon prime status and common sense. It finally arrived and he promptly put it in the dvd player, only to be informed that, this disk will not function on american devices. we, the former world conquerors now occupying about 50 square feet of land have decided, out of spite, to not make our technology compatible with american technology. so put that in your empty budweiser cans, cut a hole in the top, and smoke it (while listening to Aerosmith) ...paraphrase.

    Mike ordered the dvd from England, stupidly but mistakenly. it won't work in an american dvd player.
    Last edited by onawah; 31st January 2019 at 17:35.
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  7. Link to Post #124
    United States Avalon Member onawah's Avatar
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    Default Re: I Am The TRUE Satan - Any Questions?

    Perhaps an explanation is in order.
    The other party mentioned in recent posts, the "bombastic bisexual brit brigadier of bedevilment", "batty bad boy Brit"--is actually a former member of Avalon who got kicked off the forum for ...bad behavior... whose forum name was Borden.
    Borden used to post on an old thread, "Welcome to the Pub at the End of the Universe".
    The person who started that thread, SongsfortheOtherKind, left Avalon and started a forum of her own, which quite a few Avalonians also joined, including Mike, Borden and myself.

    Somewhere along the way, Mike and Borden were assigned alternate identities of the superheroes, Captain America and Batman, respectively.
    I should clarify that--Borden assigned himself the role of Batman; and he persuaded Mike to take on the Captain America persona.
    Mike was reluctant to do that--he wanted to be Magneto, the bad superhero from XMen, which appealed to his fantasies about himself as being a dark, sexy anti-hero.
    But he acquiesced, and as much as Mike might protest, I think Borden kind of had him pegged.

    I foresaw that no ordinary super-heroine was going to be able to cope with these guys, so I assigned myself the role of Mary Poppins.
    (As it happened, I used to work as nanny to 2 young English girls, and after I read all the old pre-Disney Mary Poppins books to them, they decided I was the REAL Mary Poppins.
    The REAL Mary Poppins was nothing like the squeaky clean Disney version, and we much preferred the former, who was much more mysterious and quirky).

    Anyway, an all-out ongoing virtual battle of wits of alternate superhero personas started online,
    It was great fun for awhile.
    So for Mike, slipping into an alternate role comes fairly naturally.
    As for Mary Poppins, coming up against Satan is certainly no big deal.
    She reduced Batman to a mere shadow of his former self on a regular basis.
    Last edited by onawah; 14th February 2019 at 23:52.
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    Default Re: I Am The TRUE Satan - Any Questions?

    Go to Hell.

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    United States Avalon Member onawah's Avatar
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    Default Re: I Am The TRUE Satan - Any Questions?

    Is Satan dead?
    This thread has certainly been quiet as the grave.
    Is anyone DOWN there?
    (Perhaps Satan just doesn't want to hear anymore from the less-than-worshipful crowd here on Avalon...
    Possibly His Satanic Majesty's ego can only take so much bruising before he becomes histrionic. )

    Last edited by onawah; 15th February 2019 at 00:46.

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    Default Re: I Am The TRUE Satan - Any Questions?

    Will the real Satan please stand up?

    Last edited by Constance; 8th July 2019 at 07:12.

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    United States Avalon Member Denise/Dizi's Avatar
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    Default Re: I Am The TRUE Satan - Any Questions?

    Quote Posted by Constance (here)
    Will the real Satan please stand up?

    OMG that was hysterical.

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    United States Avalon Member Mike's Avatar
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    Default Re: I Am The TRUE Satan - Any Questions?

    Quote Posted by bogdan9310 (here)
    Go to Hell.

    that wasn't even remotely clever. and yet you seem so pleased with yourself.

    this is a great mystery.

    Satan has awoken. it may be for only a minute. maybe a day. maybe 2. all depends on my tolerance for stupidity.

    right, someone say something interesting..and quick. i'm already bored with you idiots.

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    Default Re: I Am The TRUE Satan - Any Questions?

    Do we get to pick out our own characters?

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  21. Link to Post #131
    United States Avalon Member Mike's Avatar
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    Default Re: I Am The TRUE Satan - Any Questions?

    Quote Posted by Denise/Dizi (here)
    Do we get to pick out our own characters?

    something interesting, i said.

    try again.

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    Default Re: I Am The TRUE Satan - Any Questions?

    Satan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Where the hell have you been?

    Somehow we have crossed paths without seeing each other.
    "The only true currency in this bankrupt world is what we share with someone when we are uncool." From the movie "Almost Famous""l "Let yourself stand cool and composed before a million universes." Walt Whitman

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    United States Avalon Member Mike's Avatar
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    Default Re: I Am The TRUE Satan - Any Questions?

    this human makes me smile:


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    United States Avalon Member onawah's Avatar
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    Default Re: I Am The TRUE Satan - Any Questions?

    Merry Christmas, Satan; here's a card just for you....


    Last edited by onawah; 2nd December 2020 at 06:08.
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  29. Link to Post #135
    United States Avalon Member Mike's Avatar
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    Default Re: I Am The TRUE Satan - Any Questions?

    You have to understand, I'm drowning in infinity...over time my ability to think up something random just vanishes in the face of it. I lose the ability to create. I can only react to what I'm given, and then I do my best to digest it and burp it back into your faces with 1000 times the brilliance. Just by providing me with a point of relativity, you awaken me. But most of you have disgraced yourselves with your offerings. If I'm summoned, I'm obliged to arrive. But if you're going to yank me out of eternity, at least give me something to work with, would you?

    I just reread this thread and I've never felt more alone. I've never felt more convinced of my brilliance, on the one hand, but I've never felt more isolated as a result of it. In 3d, I'm trapped by your lack of imagination. I can only build upon the energy offered, and this place has all the energy of a nursing home. Satan needs dance partners, so if you want to stimulate me you must dance.

    I liked you people better when you had hope. Squelching it was downright orgasmic. Now you're all as depressed and flat as I am. There's nothing left to ruin when everything is already ruined.

    I have to break eternity up into manageable pieces just to stay sane. Here you have a built in firewall...spiritual amnesia if you will...to protect you against the curse of infinity. You curse your limitation but you have no idea what it's providing you. You should be celebrating it daily with orgies in the streets!! But instead you complain and whine and invent stories about alien soul sucking machines on the moon limiting your spiritual potential. When your potential is endless you must limit it to create the illusion of progress. You've limited it yourselves. So stop whining.

    Re Krampus: krampus' are regarded down here with an admixture of pity and disdain. They're gutter dwellers, and don't share our ethics. It would be confusing for you to comprehend our attitude towards them, which is much like an incarcerated killer's attitude towards a child molester or rapist.

    Thank you for the card Onawah. You're a sweetheart. Do you have a f#cking question?

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  31. Link to Post #136
    United States Avalon Member onawah's Avatar
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    Default Re: I Am The TRUE Satan - Any Questions?

    As a matter of fact, I do have a question, though it's coming from a good friend of mine:


    But don't think that calling me a sweetheart is going to make the question any less tart.
    When are you going to move your head quarters out of Mike's head?
    Forty two is much too young to be a curmudgeon, but that is the effect you appear to intend having on him.
    I can understand why you might find the head of a pitifully bored, weary, toxic, jaded old dipsomaniac misogynist like Bukowski to be suitable lodging for your misguided mission.
    He was too stewed and stoned most of the time to notice or care very much.
    Mike however, isn't nearly far enough down a road like that to compare to that sort of lost cause.
    I'm sure he still finds joy and purpose and more of interest and worthy of admiration in life than his own turds!

    Drowning in BS is more like it...
    But have a Merry Xmas anyway, you old reprobate.

    Last edited by onawah; 30th December 2019 at 07:38.
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  33. Link to Post #137
    United States Avalon Member onawah's Avatar
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    Default Re: I Am The TRUE Satan - Any Questions?

    Somebody had to share this video that Dedukshyn posted on Mike's other thread, "Re: Cringeworthy Christmas emails/letters":



    Awwww... poor Satan!! That must have felt like being cursed by Greta Thunberg!
    Last edited by onawah; 30th December 2019 at 18:01.
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    Default Re: I Am The TRUE Satan - Any Questions?


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  37. Link to Post #139
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    Default Re: I Am The TRUE Satan - Any Questions?

    Joe Biden? Joe Biden is gonna win the election? Have I got this right? 'Ol Pedo Joe? Didn't you see the creepy way he caressed that young girl and whispered into her ear? Even I winced when I saw that. What the hell is wrong with you people?

    But hey, look, I've got my own problems down here. I recently referred to Baphomet as a "she" but apparently "they" is non-binary now. Now I've got some weird looking kids picketing outside my place as we speak, cursing my male privilege while waving angry signs with crossed out dicks on them. They're threatening to cancel me. What the f#ck does that mean?

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  39. Link to Post #140
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    Default Re: I Am The TRUE Satan - Any Questions?

    ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff
    Last edited by Constance; 14th November 2021 at 20:24.

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