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Thread: Can some one set me straight please?

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    Australia Avalon Member GMB1961's Avatar
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    Default Can some one set me straight please?

    I was down town shopping and I held open a door to a shop for two members of the opposite sex and as they walked past I said politely..."Ladies first" and in the wink of a blink I was set upon by these two members of the opposite sex who unleashed their demons on me with a flurry of abuse for me calling them ladies.

    QUESTION: When did it become taboo to refer to the opposite sex as LADIES ?

    I didn't get that Fax or Memo on that one did you?

    Can someone explain what is so offensive about that to me because I thought that opening the door for members of the opposite sex and kids was a decent thing to do if you are a guy.

    Im confused now.

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    United States Avalon Member TargeT's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can some one set me straight please?

    Quote Posted by GMB1961 (here)
    I was down town shopping and I held open a door to a shop for two members of the opposite sex and as they walked past I said politely..."Ladies first" and in the wink of a blink I was set upon by these two members of the opposite sex who unleashed their demons on me with a flurry of abuse for me calling them ladies.

    QUESTION: When did it become taboo to refer to the opposite sex as LADIES ?

    I didn't get that Fax or Memo on that one did you?

    Can someone explain what is so offensive about that to me because I thought that opening the door for members of the opposite sex and kids was a decent thing to do if you are a guy.

    Im confused now.
    blame our media and entertainment industry (or are they the same thing?)

    people look for reasons to feel good about them selfs and they've been taught that putting down others is a good way to do that,,, for more info look up Critical Race Theory and Intersectionality aka, the poison of modern culture.
    Hard times create strong men, Strong men create good times, Good times create weak men, Weak men create hard times.
    Where are you?

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    Default Re: Can some one set me straight please?

    Manners are so rare in my world. So, GMB1961- I will offer my thanks and appreciation to your thoughtfulness. rg

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    Aaland Avalon Member Agape's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can some one set me straight please?

    Quote Posted by GMB1961 (here)
    I was down town shopping and I held open a door to a shop for two members of the opposite sex and as they walked past I said politely..."Ladies first" and in the wink of a blink I was set upon by these two members of the opposite sex who unleashed their demons on me with a flurry of abuse for me calling them ladies.

    QUESTION: When did it become taboo to refer to the opposite sex as LADIES ?

    I didn't get that Fax or Memo on that one did you?

    Can someone explain what is so offensive about that to me because I thought that opening the door for members of the opposite sex and kids was a decent thing to do if you are a guy.

    Im confused now.


    Thanks for the courtesy 🙏


    I think it’s because the idiom was misused so many times in various scenarios and circumstances that turned out to be pretentious - but perhaps some of the older generations never understood they’re talking down to somebody by using these repetitive phrases - that most of our younger generations prefer to abstain from gender calling in general - unless it would be personal chat or we simply keep our reserves with such statements.

    I’m quite sorry as you probably aren’t one of those pretentious people spilling sarcasms all around but those who are can be spotted, felt and recognized from many meters distance. They carry particular manner and mannerism in them that rarely matches the original graceful manner we can accept.

    Those two entities surely mistook you for somebody.


    Personally, I think it’s important to be courteous to others regardless their faces, dresses and genders. I often open the door first for someone in hurry or a child,
    simply anyone in need and do not say a word because burdening someone’s mind with complicated emotion over a simple gesture of kindness could prove socially unsustainable in our fast moving society.

    If one intends to be very polite it is better to remain silent, I feel unless it is important to talk. Thus I was taught but we all fall on that hurdle 😏

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    United States Avalon Member Mike's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can some one set me straight please?

    You're supposed to call them "people who menstruate" now.

    So, for example, if you're ever on a sinking boat and people are lining up for the lifeboats, make sure to say, "Right, people who menstruate and kids first!"

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    Default Re: Can some one set me straight please?

    Quote Posted by GMB1961 (here)
    because I thought that opening the door for members of the opposite sex and kids was a decent thing to do if you are a guy.

    Im confused now.
    It is...just keep being you

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    Default Re: Can some one set me straight please?

    If it helps at all.. I remember 30 years ago the shock I felt when while working in a bakery a woman said to her daughter "Give the lady the money". I was 18 and to me a lady was someone like the Queen, who wore sensible shoes and put her hair in curlers in the evening.
    Now at 48 I still don't feel like a lady...lol
    A woman.. yes, but not a lady.

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    Default Re: Can some one set me straight please?

    Quote Posted by Mike (here)
    You're supposed to call them "people who menstruate" now.

    So, for example, if you're ever on a sinking boat and people are lining up for the lifeboats, make sure to say, "Right, people who menstruate and kids first!"
    There are good jokes, bad jokes and dirty jokes I was not too surprised recently when studying some article about the role of estrogen and testosterone in human bodies when the article asserted that testosterone is mostly produced in “people with penises”. What ? Right.

    On the other hand, older people mostly, do not menstruate.

    And I’m turning kind of hopeful ...that humanities next global language will be either Sanskrit, Mandarin or both.

    The phraseology and mentalism of most currently spoken languages has been overused, misused , translated among themselves back and fro
    too many times for their meaning to remain pure
    but we are still,
    to this day in clutches of mentalists whose only virtue is often in being “native English speakers” who will bully and put you down for your presumed disability before and ever after you care to open your mouth.

    🍵

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    United States Moderator Sue (Ayt)'s Avatar
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    Default Re: Can some one set me straight please?

    This makes me sad. Guess I'm old and a romantic, but the ideals of ladies, gentlemen, and chivalry remain appealing to me.
    A thank you GMB1961 from me, who strives to remain a lady.
    "We're all bozos on this bus"

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    Default Re: Can some one set me straight please?

    GMB1961 I would have thanked you kindly, keep being your kind self. Try not to worry about people who will always find something not to their liking ☺.

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    United States Avalon Member Mike's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can some one set me straight please?

    Quote Posted by Agape (here)
    Quote Posted by Mike (here)
    You're supposed to call them "people who menstruate" now.

    So, for example, if you're ever on a sinking boat and people are lining up for the lifeboats, make sure to say, "Right, people who menstruate and kids first!"
    There are good jokes, bad jokes and dirty jokes I was not too surprised recently when studying some article about the role of estrogen and testosterone in human bodies when the article asserted that testosterone is mostly produced in “people with penises”. What ? Right.

    On the other hand, older people mostly, do not menstruate.

    And I’m turning kind of hopeful ...that humanities next global language will be either Sanskrit, Mandarin or both.

    The phraseology and mentalism of most currently spoken languages has been overused, misused , translated among themselves back and fro
    too many times for their meaning to remain pure
    but we are still,
    to this day in clutches of mentalists whose only virtue is often in being “native English speakers” who will bully and put you down for your presumed disability before and ever after you care to open your mouth.

    🍵

    wasnt tryin to be dirty, i assure you

    that was an inside joke i was making for my own pleasure. i know, obnoxious.

    there was an article written by a "woke" lunatic who, unironically, referred to women as "people who menstruate". thats what my little joke was about

    i'll spare you her explanation why. it's very similar to the "people with penises" thing LOL
    Last edited by Mike; 30th November 2020 at 09:32.

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    United States Avalon Member iota's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can some one set me straight please?

    i fear it is part of the social programming that everyone has been subjected to ... the "political correct" movement

    it is the plan to have all be backwards

    PC one would think would be about thoughtfulness

    it isn't


    it is to divide

    AND

    attack

    in other words, first they make sure EVERYONE is VERY CLEAR on just how DIFFERENT they are

    then

    THAT YOU MUST ~ refer to them as THEY wish

    for someone like me, who has studied and worked hard to:
    ~ liberate myself from the acquiescence that subverts individuality and to

    ~ extricate myself from the control mechanisms employed from birth all through society and to

    ~ relinquish the need for external validation so that i might remain empowered irrespective of the choices others make and to

    ~ not habitually and continuously relinquish my power at the whim of another

    i mean these were ALL difficult challenges to even strive for
    much less achieve some small measure of success

    THAT is horrific!!
    (feeling the control mechanism seeking to engage me)

    it is a CONTROL mechanism to FORCE you to conform to the whims of another

    our youth are being robbed of their individuality

    they will soon no longer know if they REALLY are that "open minded" or it is just NOT acceptable or safe to NOT be

    if they express a dissenting opinion? their own family and friends will jump down their throat to bring them back online

    i know it doesn't appear connected to the political crisis at hand

    but i assure you, it was an ESSENTIAL component
    (EVERYONE .. HATE Orange man ... never mind why ... just HATE! ... we ALL do! ... you MUST too!)

    as was the COVID
    (masks on ... "stay" ... "sit" .. oops ... sorry "sit" is for my puppy! ... but you get the "compliance" factor was ESSENTIAL)

    when you have put REAL effort to liberate yourself from these constraints
    its very easy to spot them regardless of their particular expression or situation

    so dear, kind, ever gentle polite friend?

    if i might offer the route and conditioning i had to apply for myself?

    when someone does not like something
    it is likely they will attempt to:

    MAKE that be YOUR problem

    but it isn't
    no matter how convincing their argument or actions may be?
    it is NOT

    that is ...
    unless you agree to have it "be your problem"

    i know it doesn't seem "nice"

    but it is

    it is decidedly NOT 'nice'
    to indulge tyrannical behavior in another
    its sort of like 'enabling' them

    and the more they succeed in getting others to acquiesce to their demands?
    the more intolerable they become

    i'm sure those ladies
    (and i'll be the only one to select my vocabulary thank you)
    have had plenty of practice in FORCING others to acquiesce to them

    BUT if they had heard MY response just now
    once
    then twice
    a third time
    then a fourth

    from people empowered and not asking permission of others to be who they are?

    they would have STOPPED that by now
    or at least considered it
    and instead of DEMANDING
    would be whittled down to frowning


    people are the ones to reinforce each other's behavior

    most people are kind and considerate and will not purposely contradict
    and these bullies KNOW it

    and it doesn't serve them or the planet to "enable" this control mechanism pattern to pervade in our collective consciousness really it doesn't

    it may not seem "nice' but it is VERY nice to give them reason to cease

    such as:

    "i'm sorry, did you just tell ME, a grown woman HOW to speak?
    did i look like i was asking for lessons?
    was there something about me that indicated that i NEEDED or WANTED your assistance?

    DON"T do that

    do NOT treat me like your child
    because i am NOT"

    as i said, i've spent years teaching myself to NOT get triggered or disempowered
    so i can easily barely glance up and keep on going
    (in other words ~ NOT engage, NOT be triggered, ignore to such a degree it meant ZERO)

    so the thing is that if i don't ?
    if i stop
    and if i respond the way i just outlined above
    [I]
    i promise! what didn't look nice ~ was instead loving /I]

    because the support and assistance and lesson was for THEM
    not me
    i didn't HAVE to do it
    and i would be doing
    what EVERYONE around them had failed to do

    and then the universe sends ME out
    like i was going to the opposite side of town and all
    but nooooo ... i have to be sent over there instead!

    and THAT is actually an act of love
    though NOT 'nice'
    it IS loving

    some will see
    some will not

    and its all ok
    Last edited by iota; 30th November 2020 at 10:15. Reason: format
    The world awaits those who speak from their soul ... <3

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    Aaland Avalon Member Agape's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can some one set me straight please?

    Quote Posted by Mike (here)
    Quote Posted by Agape (here)
    Quote Posted by Mike (here)
    You're supposed to call them "people who menstruate" now.

    So, for example, if you're ever on a sinking boat and people are lining up for the lifeboats, make sure to say, "Right, people who menstruate and kids first!"
    There are good jokes, bad jokes and dirty jokes I was not too surprised recently when studying some article about the role of estrogen and testosterone in human bodies when the article asserted that testosterone is mostly produced in “people with penises”. What ? Right.

    On the other hand, older people mostly, do not menstruate.

    And I’m turning kind of hopeful ...that humanities next global language will be either Sanskrit, Mandarin or both.

    The phraseology and mentalism of most currently spoken languages has been overused, misused , translated among themselves back and fro
    too many times for their meaning to remain pure
    but we are still,
    to this day in clutches of mentalists whose only virtue is often in being “native English speakers” who will bully and put you down for your presumed disability before and ever after you care to open your mouth.

    🍵

    wasnt tryin to be dirty, i assure you

    that was an inside joke i was making for my own pleasure. i know, obnoxious.

    there was an article written by a "woke" lunatic who, unironically, referred to women as "people who menstruate". thats what my little joke was about

    i'll spare you her explanation why. it's very similar to the "people with penises" thing LOL

    I know Mike, we all have read that article from JK Rowling . I’d never repeat a thing like that in real time unless I am in good and safe company of friends who wouldn’t get offended.

    But I can’t swear on it. Keeping my mouth shut has always been hard lesson for me as well.

    But gender labelling can get more misguiding these days than it’s ever been.

    I’ve already upset few good friends with calling them a “boy” while they were in their 30/40s, for reason and no it did not please them One jumped on his feet rather fast to tell me “he’s a man” ( as if anyone missed it) and couldn’t get it right and why am I laughing at him more.

    I think it’s always fine to apologize from situations like that and say “ladies and gentlemen” and bow out. Who knows if any one of them are actually transgender.


    Minding you gently that “people who menstruate” is not adequate definition for female folk. Most of them -by numbers- are in pre-menstrual or post-menopausal age, and those of us who aren’t on their period leave so to say simply can’t care less.
    The stories out there about it are overblown to big degree.

    Period the end.

    Pardon my wicked sense of humor. Peace always

    and that’s for real and the only thing that works


    🙏
    🌟
    🙏
    Last edited by Agape; 30th November 2020 at 10:06.

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    Romania Avalon Member EFO's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can some one set me straight please?

    GMB1961,you have done right,but as everything else in this new world,what once was good,civilized and accepted by everyone is now ruined and turned upside down.There are less and less ladies and gentlemen around.Politeness was replaced with rudeness.

    The Code of Good Manners has an ancient history and was permanently perfected over the centuries.

    Everybody should know the basic rules. He who knows the rules is able to show respect both to the others and to himself.

    Good manners in society
    You should always answer to a ‘hello’ with a smile.
    It is a very big offense not to say ‘hi’ back to a person who sends you greetings.
    It is very elegant to introduce yourself in a group of people if there is no one there to introduce you.
    Men should take off their hats when saluting a woman. Also, they must salute first all the persons of the opposite sex.
    You should always ask ‘where is the restroom’ instead of ‘where is the bathroom’.
    Good manners in the public transportation

    The travelers who get off the train have priority in front of those who are getting on.
    When getting on, women, children and the elderly have priority.
    The seat near the window must always be given to children or women.
    Young people must give up their seats to the elderly or the disabled persons.
    The man who accompanies a woman shall not leave her to occupy an empty seat. He will stand beside her, even if she doesn’t want to seat down.
    Good manners while visiting someone’s place

    Be punctual!
    Pick up your outfit accordingly, showing respect to your host.
    Bring a symbolic gift to your host.
    The man should be introduced to the women and the younger to the elder.
    Don’t let the conversation be interrupted. Talk, be participative and attentive to the discussions.
    "Your planet is forbidden for an open visit - extremely aggressive social environment,despite almost perfect climatic conditions.Almost 4 billion violent deaths for the last 5000 years and about 15000 major military conflicts in the same period."

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    Avalon Member norman's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can some one set me straight please?

    "Good Manners" is a culturalised substitute for genuine respect.

    From a place of genuine respect, our behaviour would vaguely resemble 'good manners', but teaching or expecting or enforcing good manners in the abstract has nothing to do with the source of or expression of genuine human respect.

    IMO
    ..................................................my first language is TYPO..............................................

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    Default Re: Can some one set me straight please?

    Nothing to set straight.

    Even though I'm fully capable of doing it myself LOL, I'm always delighted when a man is a gentleman and opens a door for me. If he says "ladies first", then all the better. It's a show of respect, and should be seen as such for any woman that hasn't allowed their head to get filled with garbage.

    I'm fully convinced that society in general is eventually going to get sick of this kind of nonsense, and say enough is enough, stop it! Please don't any men stop being a gentleman, we can't lose that.
    If you trust your government
    You don't know history

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    Avalon Member Star Mariner's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can some one set me straight please?

    Quote Posted by GMB1961 (here)
    I was down town shopping and I held open a door to a shop for two members of the opposite sex and as they walked past I said politely..."Ladies first" and in the wink of a blink I was set upon by these two members of the opposite sex who unleashed their demons on me with a flurry of abuse for me calling them ladies.
    I wonder what would have happened had you been a woman, and you'd opened the door for them the exact same way and said 'ladies first'.

    I wonder what would have happened. Probably nothing except a thank you or a nod of appreciation.

    Their hostility has little to do with the gesture itself, or gender labelling, or power dynamics, but almost totally to do with your gender.

    But, they say, there's no such things as sexism against men...
    "When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace."
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    United States Moderator Karen (Geophyz)'s Avatar
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    Default Re: Can some one set me straight please?

    Quote Posted by GMB1961 (here)
    I was down town shopping and I held open a door to a shop for two members of the opposite sex and as they walked past I said politely..."Ladies first" and in the wink of a blink I was set upon by these two members of the opposite sex who unleashed their demons on me with a flurry of abuse for me calling them ladies.

    QUESTION: When did it become taboo to refer to the opposite sex as LADIES ?

    I didn't get that Fax or Memo on that one did you?

    Can someone explain what is so offensive about that to me because I thought that opening the door for members of the opposite sex and kids was a decent thing to do if you are a guy.

    Im confused now.
    I think it is wonderful that you do that. So many men have no manners these days and apparently women as well. I always take it as a compliment when a man holds a door for me!
    "If the doors of perception were cleansed everything would appear to man as it is, Infinite. For man has closed himself up, till he sees all things thro' narrow chinks of his cavern.” William Blake

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    Avalon Member Star Mariner's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can some one set me straight please?

    Quote Posted by Gracy May (here)
    Please don't any men stop being a gentleman, we can't lose that.
    I won't, but unfortunately many are. And it's not because men are becoming more thoughtless, it's because of social conditioning. Men are being discouraged from chivalrous acts due to 'benevolent sexism', which teaches that being a gentlemen (towards women) is patronizing and therefore sexist. So men are just saying, okay, you got it, we won't bother any more.

    Men are also increasingly not putting themselves in any, any potential situation where a simple benevolent act might be exploited or misconstrued, i.e, deemed as sexual harassment.

    This is very damaging to just everyday male/female interaction, and is more toxic evil from identity politics that threatens to divide and undermine each and every layer of human society.

    "When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace."
    ~ Jimi Hendrix

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    Canada Avalon Member Bassplayer1's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can some one set me straight please?

    You were really nice GMB1961 - don't change! I have very little patience these days for this constant obsession with gender, sexuality, identity etc and there's very little, if any focus on the spiritual! Society, thanks to the narcism of Social Media etc is becoming increasingly cold and unfeeling. People are unable to recognize and feel kind gestures, moments of respect and attention these days. Don't get me wrong, I have no problem at all with folk who feel they were born the wrong gender and what to live their lives accordingly and I'll be the first to roll up my sleeves and defend trans folk being given a hard time, but its not cool to dictate what people can and can't say. The outrage at 'ladies first' rendered void your act of kindness. What a cold hearted reality those folk live in. Political correctness is sadly being allowed to over-rule kindness and gestures from the heart. I'm a woman and at 50 still use terms such as 'girls night out' 'one of the girls' etc. I think also 'lady' and 'luv' are quite British. I'm actually British and I still (without realizing) says things like "there was a lovely lady that served me in the grocery store' or I might tease someone (male or female) with phrases such as "steady on luv!" or "alright there luv?" These days, if a man held the door open for me I'd feel flattered! Keep doing what you're doing. xxx

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