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Thread: I'm not sure I'm functioning properly. Things are taking a toll

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    United States Avalon Member thepainterdoug's Avatar
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    Default I'm not sure I'm functioning properly. Things are taking a toll

    This is kinda of a shout out to everyone. Anyone feel similar ?

    I wake in the morning and already feel a low grade sickness in my stomach.

    Before I get up from bed, I open the laptop, check emails, J. Prather, Paul C. Roberts, etc then look at P. Avalon and Gab, read headlines, stories and vids from around the world, the latest hard to fathom news, and the downward spiral begins.

    And if you say, hey don't do that, just tune it all out ? , well, I feel like I'm fiddling as Rome burns with what ever I do anyway. My heart is no longer in it and Im not good at faking it

    The me that used to paint, write music and work on my musical is not here anymore. Im cloudy, blocked, disoriented, disillusioned and un motivated with a real "whats the point ? element creeping in.

    Added to this suffering is an ("artists choice" , "white privilege ") label to it, only compounding a feeling of sickness and misplacement . Like my voice is cancelled.

    As much as Im blessed, this is the worst I have ever felt in my entire life. I live alone by choice, but this means no one to talk to, to share and to vent to in my space. I have to be very strong to hold my overly sensitive empath self up everyday. And with an approaching winter, It doesn't feel good

    It seems the election happened and its no longer a free country. Its a lawless country, no privacy, no freedom of speech or expression. We the people have no voice as laws are enacted without our consent and blatant bald face lies are told to our face almost mocking us. We are backed into a corner more every day and dying by a death by a thousand slices.

    And Solutions? Anything actionable? Write my congressman? Nope, done that and could do it everyday, only putting me on a terrorist list by this criminal group in office.

    Im sickened
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    Avalon Member SpookyMulder's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm not sure I'm functioning properly. Things are taking a toll

    Hey Doug,

    Thank you for expressing your feelings at this point in time, it is never easy.

    What I want to sau here is that, you are not alone. You are never alone anf what you are experiencing is one of many experiences. They are a few like you, and it's hard.

    You also mentioned it yourself "the downward spiral" which usually starts with the same patterns. Shift the way you do things when you wake up, don't switch TV or news, as it will only highten your sense of loneliness, soulnesness anf lack of empathy towards all things you love.

    Stay within yourself, in that sense medidate. Make the light and love grow within you, increase its strenght and push it out to litteraly take over your body, your surroundings, your house, outside your house, your city, the people in it, everything that comes in your path, everything that you can think of, people, animals, plants, trees, objects. Invade the whole world and universe with both love and light.

    Roughly it could take you up to 30 minutes. You will feel good.
    Then possibly listen to some music. Do something kind for yourself, for your heart, for your soul.

    Everything right now is a test of faith. You are not alone.
    I have seen life on this planet, and that is exactly why I am looking elsewhere.

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    Aaland Avalon Member Blastolabs's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm not sure I'm functioning properly. Things are taking a toll

    I often times feel the same way you do Doug, I'm a musician as well and I have let far to many days go to waste by worrying about what sociopaths are currently doing to **** up the world.

    Each moment is what matters and if reading the news in the morning ruins all the moments of your day...

    The best way for you to "fight back" and beat the system is to be the most happy, creative, generous, and kind version of Doug that could possibly.

    If everyone on Earth consciously did this we would have already won.


    A one time high dose of LSD, DMT, or mushrooms would likely "reset" your brain and make you more open to new ideas and modes of thinking, this is even supported by some published science as of lately.

    High dose is the key, and may be a bad idea if you have a history of delusions, but in my experience this is a myth and the people that "the experts" say should not take LSD often benefit from it the most.

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    Default Re: I'm not sure I'm functioning properly. Things are taking a toll

    So sorry to hear your pain 😣..if it's any consolation I sort of feel the same myself at times and it can be hard to make myself be the happy me again. I can't offer any solutions but I know we are good people doing good things with love in our hearts and dreams in our minds. I do t live alone but I'm still lonely as I'm alone in my crazy thinking in our family. Strange now that seems to be the case for a lot of folks..only one person in the average family is awake..maybe their job is to awake the rest of the brood..anyway sorry I haven't helped much lol but I'll always listen ..lots of 💖x

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    United States Avalon Member Mike's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm not sure I'm functioning properly. Things are taking a toll

    Doug I think you should attempt a podcast sort of thing.

    You're passionate, smart, articulate, and very comfortable in front of a camera.

    It'll allow you to connect with people a little more and discuss all the things that are troubling you - 2 birds with 1 stone - and a whole bunch of other interested people will be able to listen in.

    Good opportunity to promote your art too.

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    Default Re: I'm not sure I'm functioning properly. Things are taking a toll

    Quote Posted by Blastolabs (here)
    A one time high dose of LSD, DMT, or mushrooms would likely "reset" your brain and make you more open to new ideas and modes of thinking, this is even supported by some published science as of lately.

    High dose is the key, and may be a bad idea if you have a history of delusions, but in my experience this is a myth and the people that "the experts" say should not take LSD often benefit from it the most.
    Not recommended. Psychedelics can also destabilize someone significantly, especially if they're taking something because they want to fix how they feel. Just as some might try to do with a couple of bottles of wine or stronger. This is in my strong personal opinion.

    One might legitimately share an unusual personal transcendent experience, but not recommend this to others who may be grasping at anything they can find.

    Folks, the mods know of a number of Avalon members who've been having quite some trouble staying stable, focused and grounded. Doug is not alone. Not at all. There have been other posts on other threads, too.

    This is affecting many millions of people worldwide. It's barely being reported, but it's very very important.

    Personally, to prise myself away from my desk (or the internet!), I regularly go hiking or spend time every day doing hands-on things like maintenance on my 100-year old house, or what is euphemistically called 'yard work'. (I don't have a yard! Just several acres of field.) The key is to do something hands-on physical to balance the mental or emotional, or all the thinking and worrying.

    If one is on the net, it's also important to self-filter what one's spending time watching or listening to. Discipline oneself NOT just to follow the latest ongoing stream of discouraging news. There's lots else out there that IS encouraging, human, moving, inspiring and positive. One just has to look in the right places, and it's not always all that hard to find.


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    Default Re: I'm not sure I'm functioning properly. Things are taking a toll

    Quote Posted by Mike (here)
    Doug I think you should attempt a podcast sort of thing.

    You're passionate, smart, articulate, and very comfortable in front of a camera.

    It'll allow you to connect with people a little more and discuss all the things that are troubling you - 2 birds with 1 stone - and a whole bunch of other interested people will be able to listen in.

    Good opportunity to promote your art too.

    And I would like to see Mike as your first guest.

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    Default Re: I'm not sure I'm functioning properly. Things are taking a toll

    Oh I hear you! Loud and clear!

    I went out today to the post office to collect my mail. I tried to parallel park in front as there was only one parking space left - but the cars behind repeatedly pulled right up behind me not letting me back up. They hit their horn and then drove around me while doing so they are facing oncoming traffic almost causing an accident right beside me. When the third car did this to me I just left and drove around and parked on the other side of the street. (Yes, my direction signal works - I checked.)

    I go into the post office to find that it is closed today. Canada now has a new holiday to recognize native Canadian kids that were killed in the past. (I suspect that they are only doing this to distract the public from the vaccine push.)

    The schools aren't closed and what do I see in front of the kid's school? A Mobile Vaccination Bus!

    I find it harder to go out as the public is becoming dumber by the day. It is more dangerous to drive. 2 days ago a driver drove off the road in front of our home - right into the creek. Yesterday another accident occurred 2 cars ahead of me in traffic.

    I think for us good people there is as field of protective positive energy around us - at least I am always projecting that thought, and so far so good!

    I am going to spend as much time outside around the house today as I can - forget work for a while - it can wait! I am gonna take out the canoe, practice some archery and enjoy the beautiful fall weather!

    There is a lot of negativity around us - you have to find a way to light up yourself from the inside and push it away! I often think of myself as a lantern or a lighthouse shining positive light that people can feel.

    It works for me!

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  17. Link to Post #9
    Avalon Member Pam's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm not sure I'm functioning properly. Things are taking a toll

    Quote Posted by Bill Ryan (here)
    Quote Posted by Blastolabs (here)
    A one time high dose of LSD, DMT, or mushrooms would likely "reset" your brain and make you more open to new ideas and modes of thinking, this is even supported by some published science as of lately.

    High dose is the key, and may be a bad idea if you have a history of delusions, but in my experience this is a myth and the people that "the experts" say should not take LSD often benefit from it the most.
    Not recommended. Psychedelics can also destabilize someone significantly, especially if they're taking something because they want to fix how they feel. Just as some might try to do with a couple of bottles of wine or stronger. This is in my strong personal opinion.

    One might legitimately share an unusual personal transcendent experience, but not recommend this to others who may be grasping at anything they can find.

    Folks, the mods know of a number of Avalon members who've been having quite some trouble staying stable, focused and grounded. Doug is not alone. Not at all. There have been other posts on other threads, too.

    This is affecting many millions of people worldwide. It's barely being reported, but it's very very important.

    Personally, to prise myself away from my desk (or the internet!), I regularly go hiking or spend time every day doing hands-on things like maintenance on my 100-year old house, or what is euphemistically called 'yard work'. (I don't have a yard! Just several acres of field.) The key is to do something hands-on physical to balance the mental or emotional, or all the thinking and worrying.

    If one is on the net, it's also important to self-filter what one's spending time watching or listening to. Discipline oneself NOT just to follow the latest ongoing stream of discouraging news. There's lots else out there that IS encouraging, human, moving, inspiring and positive. One just has to look in the right places, and it's not always all that hard to find.

    I am definitely one of those people. Doug, it is extremely difficult for those with empathic tendencies. I am all over the place and I am not ashamed to admit it. I have days of total despondency and days of feeling a higher frequency. I feel all the fear of others and I have a hard time not absorbing it, along with the hopelessness. I have visions and weird telepathy. I have paranormal events happening, then I wonder if I am just plain nuts. If I get off balance it can feel very detrimental. You are empathic with a artistic temperament, I am too. We feel things really deeply and it is hard. It is just hard.

    If it is possible to get into a state of acceptance it helps....but in reality, this is a very big pill to swallow. Let's not sugar coat it.

    You know what? We love and dearly appreciate you, just as you are.
    Last edited by Pam; 30th September 2021 at 18:43.

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    Default Re: I'm not sure I'm functioning properly. Things are taking a toll

    Had a similar chat with @mizo today. The ptb plan is to use project fear to demoralise us into accepting the new normal. For the ‘awake’ it seems to be us observing the mass psychosis in society and subconsciously weeping inside for our fellow man who doesn’t realise they are being played.

    Also as Bill has said numerous times, people pump out content like spaghetti..to get views, the headlines are all negative to grab attention, so hey presto you feel negative once you start trawling.

    I’m struggling too with this cognitive dissonance

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    United States Avalon Member Mike's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm not sure I'm functioning properly. Things are taking a toll

    Quote Posted by Pam (here)
    Quote Posted by Mike (here)
    Doug I think you should attempt a podcast sort of thing.

    You're passionate, smart, articulate, and very comfortable in front of a camera.

    It'll allow you to connect with people a little more and discuss all the things that are troubling you - 2 birds with 1 stone - and a whole bunch of other interested people will be able to listen in.

    Good opportunity to promote your art too.

    And I would like to see Mike as your first guest.

    And I think Pam should be your first guest!

    I agree with Bill on the LSD, psychadelic thing (tho I also fully understand why it was suggested). I've done LSD maybe 5 times, and 2 of those times were during periods of great emotional turmoil. I was trying to escape something, and the results weren't pleasant. LSD is not an escapist drug. Quite the contrary, it forces you to engage your emotions even more..and you have absolutely no control over it when it kicks in.

    Get outside in the sun and the fresh air, as Bill said. Get active. I have to practically drag myself to the gym but I always feel so much better after, even if I only work out for 30 mins or so.

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    Default Re: I'm not sure I'm functioning properly. Things are taking a toll

    Very eloquently put Doug - I feel what your saying. I dont think any of us are functioning properly. I think people are in a general state of disbelief whilst watching the Emperors with no clothes marching all over us.
    Surreal Times. One gets the feeling anything could happen next !
    Hang in there.
    Me - well as John Lennon said "I'm just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round".

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    United States Avalon Member thepainterdoug's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm not sure I'm functioning properly. Things are taking a toll

    Well thank you all so much!! all your comments resonate with me.

    Spooky M, yes change up the daily plan.

    Blasto, I have salvia divinorum at home for years. I was thinking of giving myself a reset. perhaps I will.

    Mike thanks for the encouragement, but I think I will pass on that idea for now. TOO MANY podcasts out there already. But not closed to it.

    Bill all true. But again, when I look away, I feel Im in denial. Im a 60ies kid, I was out protesting the Viet Nam war. When the news actually reported things.
    But Im trying and certainly not alone. Thanks

    Pam, yes Mike would be a shoe in.

    Patient. yes I hear you. I find it an ugly time to be alive. Im usually pretty good with keeping my forcefield up. Today its weak. Perhaps it the huge schumann ressonance spike, largest on record!!
    I also find it the most un sexy time to be alive. We live in heightened judgement and separation under the woke guise of "all is one" . total crap unlesss lived, not spoken.

    pam, like most of us, your too sane in an insane world.

    Watch war of the worlds. The battle against the invaders is the best visual I have for the war we are fighting. But when all seems lost, a simple miracle occurs

    and thanks for your loving comment.
    blessing all

    d

    did you see em. yes just saw your post. I feel anything could happen next as well, but sad as we all have a mistrust for everyone and everything ever deeper/ t y
    Last edited by thepainterdoug; 30th September 2021 at 19:21.

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    Default Re: I'm not sure I'm functioning properly. Things are taking a toll

    Thanks for sharing Doug. I've gone through many kinds of dark nights of the soul in my adult life and the past year and a half have been challenging to say the least. I've felt like I'm in a kind of morning - that we've essentially lost the society that we once had, and that it's not coming back. People are being brainwashed more than ever, and now the consequences of that brainwashing are potentially fatal. Great.

    The love of my life has recently announced that she's taking the gene therapy. I'm heartbroken. I don't know if our relationship can survive this. We're giving it a go, but we both feel completely torn. I love her more than I've loved anyone but we seem to now be pulling in different directions irreconcilably. The worst part is, our situation seems to be being perpetrated by outside forces.

    I've felt near-suicidal, off and on, the last few weeks, but I'm not giving in. The break in my relationship actually gave me a chance to take a hard look at myself and realise how much I was giving in to how I was feeling. I have to fight. I'm back on the yoga, big time, and that alone seems to keep me motivated and feeling connected to a higher purpose, whatever that may be. I pray constantly while I'm doing yoga, that I connect with and have the courage to follow whatever the divinity of consciousness itself would have me do, and that I may be able to accept whatever is happening around me, and move with it, somehow. That's hippy talk right there, but there's a great feeling of surrender and purpose I find in genuinely praying that, and I see and feel the benefit of it massively.

    I have to believe that this is all happening for a reason, and that it's eventually going somewhere good. The reason is, I suppose you could say, is that this is what humanity has had coming all along. This is the fight. This is the battle ground. Each and every one of our individual lives is a fight and a battle ground. Until it's not. It seems the more honesty we have with ourselves, the more we then have to overcome. Most people avoid that fight any way they can.

    I've read many times, and I can perhaps see the truth in it, that in the end we realise that the only thing you fight is your hidden desire to resist what is happening, and resist what your true nature would naturally do. Sometimes I suddenly remember to ask myself, when I feel lost and afraid and melancholy beyond belief: so what is it that you know you should do? The thing that you're not doing. The answer is often really, really obvious. And usually quite terrifying. Even if it's just tidying up. I **** you not.

    Anyway, I've had to realise again recently there were so many things I've been avoiding whilst feeling lost in internal feelings and the seeming weight of outside situations. I have music to do, an album to release, plenty of self reflection, and plenty, plenty of yoga. Then whatever happens, happens. Wish me luck 🙂
    Last edited by Apulu; 30th September 2021 at 19:27.

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    Default Re: I'm not sure I'm functioning properly. Things are taking a toll

    I started filtering a lot of the alternative news, even I could tell it was just so repetitive, I had to back away from a lot of it. I find solace being out in nature in my yard, I told my daughter I have been pulling the weeds from my flower plots for thirty years now, but I still find peace sitting on mother earth working in the plots. It keeps me grounded and balanced.

    When stuck inside I watch nature youtube and animal themed documentaries. Now I am watching Downton Abbey, on Netflex. It does help to keep the worries of the world at bay.
    I think a lot of our feelings that you spoke of Doug, is because we see our country being taken from us, and our "Normal" is now a thing of the past.

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    Default Re: I'm not sure I'm functioning properly. Things are taking a toll


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    Default Re: I'm not sure I'm functioning properly. Things are taking a toll

    Apulu

    a very heavy and honest message. In honesty we can only communicate what is real, what is honest for us. not saying it is in a sense dishonest, but perhaps diplomatic as that is what diplomacy ultimately is. A compromise of disagreement needed to be said to keep peace.

    make your music, put the album out, WHY cause why not? what elese are you to do, same as me. I want to put out my musical. why? whay not.

    sadie blue, how is your sister ? please keep us all updated

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    Default Re: I'm not sure I'm functioning properly. Things are taking a toll

    Hi Doug,
    There is a comfort in not knowing what is really going on in this world. Fall down the rabbit hole, it is hard to climb back out and it can become overwhelming. Nature is a great balancer and can ease that helplessness that is so common to empathy. Imagine your dear ole mama’s voice as you read the next line. “GET YOUR BUTT OUTSIDE!”

    What I see in you as a person is an amazing, sensitive, and gifted human.

    I can’t know the depth of your despair because only you know that. I have learned from experience that when I am on a downward spiral, if I give kindness to others it tethers me to the next layer above the despair and helps me to climb back up.

    This is just a suggestion, so if you roll your eyes here I will not be offended. The last thing a person who is feeling down wants to hear is go do something. I have been there and it hard to get the motivation back.

    Maybe you could start small, like go downtown and buy a rose and give it to a little old lady. Make her smile! Maybe you could take your sketch pad and draw a charcoal of a homeless man. Maybe you could use your art to record what it is like to be human in this day and age for prosperity. I know that’s a big one and a big commitment. But I see more great things coming from you! You ain’t done yet mister!

    I honestly think many of us here feel like we are on the cusp of something historically tragic on a worldwide scale. Because we are sensitive we can feel it coming and that’s what is wrong with us. There is a heaviness in the air. As long as our heart is beating we still have our humanness. And we will throughout whatever is coming. We all need to share that with others. TPTB cannot take that away from us.

    Ps- just wanted to add, There are many great people on this forum. I think we have gathered here for a reason.
    Last edited by heretogrow; 30th September 2021 at 20:09.

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    Avalon Member Pam's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm not sure I'm functioning properly. Things are taking a toll

    Quote Posted by Apulu (here)
    Thanks for sharing Doug. I've gone through many kinds of dark nights of the soul in my adult life and the past year and a half have been challenging to say the least. I've felt like I'm in a kind of morning - that we've essentially lost the society that we once had, and that it's not coming back. People are being brainwashed more than ever, and now the consequences of that brainwashing are potentially fatal. Great.

    The love of my life has recently announced that she's taking the gene therapy. I'm heartbroken. I don't know if our relationship can survive this. We're giving it a go, but we both feel completely torn. I love her more than I've loved anyone but we seem to now be pulling in different directions irreconcilably. The worst part is, our situation seems to be being perpetrated by outside forces.

    I've felt near-suicidal, off and on, the last few weeks, but I'm not giving in. The break in my relationship actually gave me a chance to take a hard look at myself and realise how much I was giving in to how I was feeling. I have to fight. I'm back on the yoga, big time, and that alone seems to keep me motivated and feeling connected to a higher purpose, whatever that may be. I pray constantly while I'm doing yoga, that I connect with and have the courage to follow whatever the divinity of consciousness itself would have me do, and that I may be able to accept whatever is happening around me, and move with it, somehow. That's hippy talk right there, but there's a great feeling of surrender and purpose I find in genuinely praying that, and I see and feel the benefit of it massively.

    I have to believe that this is all happening for a reason, and that it's eventually going somewhere good. The reason is, I suppose you could say, is that this is what humanity has had coming all along. This is the fight. This is the battle ground. Each and every one of our individual lives is a fight and a battle ground. Until it's not. It seems the more honesty we have with ourselves, the more we then have to overcome. Most people avoid that fight any way they can.

    I've read many times, and I can perhaps see the truth in it, that in the end we realise that the only thing you fight is your hidden desire to resist what is happening, and resist what your true nature would naturally do. Sometimes I suddenly remember to ask myself, when I feel lost and afraid and melancholy beyond belief: so what is it that you know you should do? The thing that you're not doing. The answer is often really, really obvious. And usually quite terrifying. Even if it's just tidying up. I **** you not.

    Anyway, I've had to realise again recently there were so many things I've been avoiding whilst feeling lost in internal feelings and the seeming weight of outside situations. I have music to do, an album to release, plenty of self reflection, and plenty, plenty of yoga. Then whatever happens, happens. Wish me luck 🙂
    Apulu, I am going to make a copy of your beautiful post so I can continually reread it. Thank you.

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    Scotland Avalon Member Ben's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm not sure I'm functioning properly. Things are taking a toll

    Hi Doug,

    thanks for sharing where you're at currently. It's always a gift for others, to hear someone else speak their truth, from the heart. This one simple act, enables healing and insight in whoever hears it. It's a brave thing to do.

    I would strongly recommend meditation, especially in the morning, before your mind gets a chance to kick in and start all the whirling that it's prone to do when in times of over stimulation.

    I highly recommend Burgs, who has a whole load of stuff on YouTube to listen to/watch. I've done a few courses with him recently, and it's been invaluable for my mental health (I'm so glad my friend put me on to him). He takes Buddhist teachings, and totally demystifies them, so that what's left is only the practical stuff. And he really does know his stuff.

    Here's a good one to start with

    There's a treasure trove of gold in his channel.

    No matter what is happening externally in our lives, there is always a safe space of stillness within ourselves, waiting to be accessed.

    Much love to ye

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