Posted by Ernie Nemeth
(here)
The first fifty or so lessons in ACIM are all about unseeing the 'things' around me. Basically they are all set up as negation, 'Nothing I see means anything', is the very first lesson. So yes, I've done a whole lot of that. It is very disturbing to meditate on the above, for example, because it refutes everything I think I believe. Fifty days straight of it can make one go bonkers. And then the lessons just get more and more difficult.
These days I am keenly focused on the subtle manipulation by unseen forces, and wondering if they are real or if I am the cause. I suspect I am the cause, but often it is impossible to believe I would do what happens to myself.
That and the usual assortment of critters constantly underfoot are my concern at this time. The Archons, or bugs, or lesser demons, or whatever one wishes to call them. I do not communicate directly with them, not even sure if they are sentient.
They are all that's left these days with any interest in me it seems. There's no more communiques from the good side. Of course I did tell them to back off, as I did not trust they had my best interest at heart. I insist now on direct contact with the godhead, which doesn't happen often - only when I need it most.
I don't expect to see through the veil this time around. Not interested. I figure I purposely had my memory erased for some reason I thought was important when I had all my faculties. Why in the world would I second guess myself in this limited state I find myself in? It seems counter-productive.
If I'm in the mood, and if I peer just slightly out of focus, I can see through the illusion. I am almost convinced of the fact this world is an illusion of my own demented imagination. There is nothing in this world that is the way I believe it to be, and so there is really no reason to get all worked up about it. And nothing in this world has value beyond the value I place on it. By itself it is not even there.
I know what I should do, what I am called to do. But it pisses me off that it has come to this. I never expected such a drastic course change/correction to be required of an earnest seeker. I thought it would turn out different. I am grateful for this life and for being allowed to play my own game. I really don't want to play another's, even if that game is the real 'thing'. When I'm dead will be soon enough for me.
So I am allowed to wander aimlessly through this world, with one foot in and one foot out of the real world. Honestly, it's a nuisance.
But like they say, once you walk through the door, there's no going back.
You can't unlearn what has been taught in truth.