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Thread: I hate people. Adults, that is.

  1. Link to Post #21
    Avalon Member Pam's Avatar
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    Default Re: I hate people. Adults, that is.

    Quote Posted by ediwedi (here)
    I think a good reason why people lie so much is because one of our humans greatest weaknesses is to admit when we are wrong. They will lie and manipulate just to not confront that short bad feeling after admitting or realizing that we/they were wrong.
    It is a enormous factor in our lives mixed with fear and especially nowadays the people in charge of the world exploit it to achieve their goals.
    We tend to run away from problems or bury them instead of facing them till they catch up on us. We start doing it in childhood, then we eventually learn it only backfires. Some learn but some don't. This is, I believe, why many adults act the way they do. We must remind the people that it is okay to be wrong. And we must not get lost in all this, because there is so many, many of them.

    Anyways, don't feel down my friend. Last couple of weeks have been especially hard. It is part of the game plan. There is still some space left in the balloon to push air into before it explodes. There must be good people out there, waiting for the right moment to strike. The world is waking up on a scale like never before in known human history, or at least known history. So we have to be strong and do our part.

    Stay positive my friend. For the children!
    Why is that so hard? It is so refreshing to me when I admit I am wrong. It lowers the ridiculous imaginary line that somehow I am going to go through this life and not be wrong... Seeing when we do wrong or fall short and acknowledging it is a huge freedom. I even notice people are very uncomfortable when I have admitted I was wrong to them. Where did we get the idea that we must pretend we are never wrong? That we can't be duped? Why is being wrong so painful?

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    UK Avalon Member Sunny-side-up's Avatar
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    Default Re: I hate people. Adults, that is.

    Quote Posted by ExomatrixTV (here)
    “Love is the absence of fear ... as evil is the absence of love.”
    Sorry all, I've made two reply's to this OP but had to bump this one.
    I'm a simple easy going guy that is very upset/sad with the worlds hidden controllers!
    We need LEADERS who bat from the HEART!
    Rise up above them Dark evil doers, not within anger but with LOVE

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  5. Link to Post #23
    Avalon Member Pam's Avatar
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    Default Re: I hate people. Adults, that is.

    Quote Posted by Merkaba360 (here)
    Maybe I can say a few words that are similar to what Doug is feelng here.

    The more we expand our awareness here and shine brighter, the degree of darkness, delusion, ignorance selfishness, etc. becomes greatly enhanced. Average people are ignoring A LOT, because its much easier.

    I feel the same struggle to not want to be around any of it anymore and im younger than Doug. On bad days, you want to just go around smacking everybody, like the movie Ground hogs Day. lol I think of it as a ferries wheel. Up and downs of life round and round we go, first it is very exciting, then eventually it wears off. By the end we are yelling for the damn guy to stop the wheel and let us off, but no he wont do that. Like that scariest 8 hr haunted house in california, there are no quit words. lol

    You must keep going until you work thru the suffering somehow and quit internally instead of the game quitting on you. Everyone will eventually get to this point in this life or the next. You can't talk to others who aren't at the puking stage yet, cuz they will just tell you to be happy, life is great bla bla. It doesn't work like that for people at the end of the road, desperate to get off.

    I doubt its even possible to go thru such transition end stages without immense frustration at times. This leads to urges to want to take that out on the others who are acting crappy and doing the most to keep us all in this 'escape room.' I've decided its not a prison, but escape room seems pretty accurate. Free will to enter the game, but good luck getting out of the labyrinth with everyone and their security brothers trying to keep us in.

    Im stuck too wasting many of my good years living an unexciting life that I want and also alone. Its almost impossible for me to give up all my desires even though i have a lot less than others. To have a romantic partner who is like us on this forum has been like finding a unicorn for me. I dont even want to think of how I will feel if I finally find her when im like 70 and sexual drive is probably pretty much dead.

    The only solution is for me to get more serious in my training. Meditation and other health regimans to perfect my energy. This leads to astral travel, so at least then I get a 2nd life to make up for what i cant experience here. I met a young disabled kid once that couldnt do much other than play video games. I now kinda regret telling him that there is another way. This life can be part-time and more bearable if we find a way to become active in the astral realm.

    So, I feel Doug's pain and am tired of having only wonderful like minded virtual friends so far away. I just can't understand why the universe won't allow me to have a group of these people that I can call up and meet up on a thursday evening or whatever. Is isolation some kind of test for me now? I just wish i knew if there was some specific thing i need to accomplish in order to change things or have a more interesting life. I certainly can't find any like minds to team up with and make something happen. Or else some psychic who could tell me when some big change will happen. It might make it easier to bear all the unbearable people in this world and the annoying media and political/business worlds.

    Sorry, I have no answers
    Thank you so much for your post, dear Merkaba. I really needed to hear what you have to say. I would dearly love to sit around a camp fire with all of you, looking at the stars together. I so wish I could astral travel, just don't seem to be able to make that happen. I have just started entering my dreams on occasion, but they are not great places to be when I do...oh well.

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    Default Re: I hate people. Adults, that is.

    Quote Posted by thepainterdoug (here)
    I hate people. Adults to be specific. I have come to a point of my life where I have observed enough. People are cunning , strategic and dishonest at best, and ruthless and evil at their worst . And it's all getting worse.

    Adults are liars and manipulative, in order to get what they want. Anyone surprised?

    I love children. And help yourself perverts to what I will say, as you are in the category I mention above.

    Children like animals are loving, expecting, forgiving , hopeful and beautifully innocent.
    And baby animals, like baby children, are perfect. They are all looking towards us adults to protect , guide and save them. And god damn those who don't!

    I resent I cannot admire the beauty of children in public . I resent beauty is now on trial . I resent Im being asked to lie about everything.
    I am not racist. If I am , everyone is. Tribes have been around since day one we humans arrived, destroying each other for resources , food, water, fire, women and so on. Pure survival, so pure racism Not my plan.

    So all people are tribal, meaning racist in todays manipulative and dishonest moment we live designed to divide and make money. Money the root of all ****ing evil for sure. .

    I haven't had a hug from a women or a love relationship in close to 10 years. Yes, sorry Im a boring and predictable non sensational or newsworthy heterosexual .
    I hate how sex identity has been made into such a dividing thing .Its as if its the only identity a person has? IM LGBTQRSTUVW, and I demand.... **** you, stop leading with you sex organs. No one ****ing cares!

    It's a no win situation because everyone is “ actualized” . All brainwashed they need to win, be on top, don't yield rather than harmonize or compliment. Anyone happy as you google the answers?
    Everyone desperately working out , treadmills, pumping and Pilates , all to loneliness, holding on to what is only fleeting and will eventually pass.
    Have never seen more young women alone in packs at restaurants. 10 at a table. Without an attorney, no man dare approach.

    Im just a little person, A meaningless person, yet I know my words resonate with many.

    Im already very ready to die now, to die off and make room for these liars, these thieves of spirit and truth trying to inherit the planet.
    Perhaps I know nothing and Im an idiot? I don't know, and it doesn't matter.

    Look around friends, 2022, going to be very hard.
    Your comments resonate with me as well, albeit thankfully not 100% of the time .

    Kind of reminds me of this Daniel Day-Lewis clip (playing Daniel Plainview) @2:38

    "I see the worst in people Henry".



    Stay strong feller.
    Last edited by happyuk; 23rd November 2021 at 20:55.

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    United States Avalon Member heretogrow's Avatar
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    Default Re: I hate people. Adults, that is.

    Dear Doug,
    I thought about your post all night and went to be at 2am praying for you and for my daughter and myself, we share your pain. You and I are older and have some years under our belt so we have more tools in the toolbox to handle the pain, but that doesn’t always help. Sometimes when you have used all of your tools and nothing has helped, the best thing to do is reach into the bottom of the tools box, find that tiny key to the radiator and let off some steam. So glad you could do that with your Avalon family. It is good and needed otherwise you will lose your health.

    I have been feeling so down lately, keeping it all in check for the rest of the world, and putting on a brave face. It is excruciating. I find myself looking around at people wondering who will be here in the near future and who will not. I feel like this is all surreal, if what I feel to be true that we are really being genocided, that this just can’t be, and it seems to be happening in slow motion. Last week, I could feel the pressure building but I was busy taking care of others and what I was holding internally came out at the most unexpected time.

    I was at the dentist and he asked me about my kids while I was reclined in the chair. I remember having the thought, I cannot possibly tell you the heartbreaking things that have been going on regarding my kids and their lives right now. The next thing I know I was having a full blown anxiety attack. I lost total control of my body. I couldn’t breathe, trembled like I was having a seizure, could not speak a full sentence, and my throat made this gasping sound. All hell broke loose in the office.The dentist jumped back as if he had done something wrong. I looked and acted like a scared animal. I had completely lost it and was trying desperately to regain my composure but my bodily motions were involuntary. They gave me sugar water, and spoonfuls of syrup, and made me eat crackers thinking my glucose had tanked. His wife is a nurse and took my pulse and blood pressure. It was through the roof. My executive function was out to lunch, and I couldn’t answer simple questions. I nearly pulled a Biden meets the Pope but they got me to the bathroom in a nick of time. My body and mind just shut down. I took an ambulance ride to the hospital from hell. After waiting over four hours, things had returned to normal enough for me to realize I was not going to get any care there. When a young girl came in whose mom explained she had appendicitis and needed a surgery but was sent home because she had eaten, in which they stuck her in a corner and made her wait, I signed myself out. I could not stand to see her suffer. All the way home I prayed that she would be ok.

    There is so much wrong with the world. My daughter is just now realizing that and she is showing signs of trying to make her way through with a smile on her face, much to her own detriment, like her mother. She is buckling under the pressure and is now medicated. The doc won’t adjust or change the medicine even though it has made her condition much worse. I have sought new care for her and we shall see how this works come December.

    Your post has helped me to see that we must come up with ways to take care of ourselves. That starts with being honest with ourselves about what we see and what we are experiencing. This honesty is the only way to survive. We can’t fake it or lie to ourselves just to fit in. I plan on helping my daughter find the tools to live an authentic life, hopefully without medication. I want her to realize her full purpose and thrive. Letting off steam in constructive ways amongst safe, loving family is a start. Thank you for reminding me that we must be true to ourselves and take care of ourselves and support, guide and teach the ones we love the same.
    Because of your post and my own self reflection I feel I see more clearly and am better equipped to handle the future.

    Much love to you Doug. I wish you wellness and brighter days. It starts with being our authentic self, and not putting on a mask for the rest of the world, in spite of our own mental, spiritual and physical wellbeing. Because you were brave enough to share your frustrations, you have given me new hope and some new direction.

    On the subject of children and their honesty and innocence, I once had a radiator blow the petcok while I was trying to bleed it with that little key. Smelly steam was blowing out in full force I guess because the water was stagnant and had been in there for years. A friend and his two year old came to the rescue. When his little one walked into the house he said, “Mells like tow sit, Dulie!” Sometimes we have to call it what it is. We hear at Avalon will help each other shovel the tow sit and my guess is we will learn and grow along the way.

    So grateful for all of you,
    Dulie
    Last edited by heretogrow; 23rd November 2021 at 15:06.

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    Canada Avalon Member Tyy1907's Avatar
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    Default Re: I hate people. Adults, that is.

    The older I get the more apparent the pattern becomes.

    When I maintain connection to the divine life is easier. I want to connect with people more, I smile more. I face challenges differently. They're more of a course correction than a dilemma.

    When I stop daily prayerful connection it starts to fade. It takes a bit but fade it does. Then something happens in my life that sucks. I reflect on how this could have happened. Then I realize I haven't been consciously asking for that partnership. Why do I do that? It's like a cycle that repeats. I'm playing with not only my own life but my loved ones as well. Complacency is the enemy. Not appreciating the spiritual dimension. Forces that seek to undermine us - both on a personal and global level. I read about these things daily and yet I make this mistake.

    This can be an object lesson for everyone that reads this. Leaving things to chance has a cost. It waits for you to let your guard down. When things in your life seem to be taking off in a positive way you think "Ok finally. Now I don't need my training wheels." Well think again. You will be noticed and set upon. I say this through the lens that is my life.

    "Maybe now he'll get the message."

    There's too much at stake here Avalon. We can't do it on our own. Stop berating yourself, thinking you're unworthy or lesser than. This disempowers you as a creator.

    This world needs love, but love intelligently directed. "Evil doesn't exist" mantras won't help. Positive thinking won't help. The answer's been here for us. Watching, waiting and dropping hints. Direct this love force where it needs to go and this world will change. I firmly believe this.
    "Without the human request, nothing will happen."

    "This must never be forgotten, that the human has the power to prevail."

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    Netherlands Avalon Member mokosh's Avatar
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    Default Re: I hate people. Adults, that is.

    This world needs love, but love intelligently directed. "Evil doesn't exist" mantras won't help. Positive thinking won't help. The answer's been here for us. Watching, waiting and dropping hints. Direct this love force where it needs to go and this world will change. I firmly believe this.
    .....
    I have 3 dogs and a park nearby. During the day the park is filled with alcoholics and heroin junkies. Sometimes I sit with them for some little rest and talk to them. They all know me because i"m there every day. They also know I stopped drinking and using a long time ago.
    When I sit with them they stop drinking and are just talking and tell their story. I think it is wonderful they stop drinking in that moment and feel very honered they do that.
    I think that is love and compassion.
    Feeling loved is not in the grand things.

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    Default Re: I hate people. Adults, that is.

    It‘s their mind. They gave us their mind. Almost from the beginning. We are thinking their thoughts and think they are our own. Most of the time we are not aware of that, we entertain those thoughts, indulge in them . . . while in truth they are thinking through us. And our emotions will follow, until our heart is a tiny, hard, black knot.

    How often have I thought: they want to kill 7 billion, who cares, **** it. Of course I‘ll be among them, anyway I‘m out of here. AI, robots without soul, who cares, what‘s the difference. Who cares about life. I despise humans, have nothing than contempt for them. They have hurt me and destroyed everything that was good. The same moment I knew beyond a doubt: these are not my thoughts! These are their thoughts. It‘s their mind and they try to use me.

    The mind viruses, the parasites whatever you call it. They are very real. Every thought that‘s bringing me down, makes me hard and cold, is theirs, it‘s not mine.

    Mine may be pain, my share of being human, your share of being human. Pain is hot, moving, burning and always changing. Hate, contempt, negation is icy, frozen, it‘s them. They are obviously not very fortunate in targeting and using you because your awareness and love for innocent beings, for life is strong, but they try. You express and voice and share their mind and so it is exposed, can come out of the dark.

    You are not alone.

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    Canada Avalon Member Tyy1907's Avatar
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    Default Re: I hate people. Adults, that is.

    Story about kids

    Was in Costco returning something the other day and there was a Mom with a 2 - 3 year old in her cart in line in front of me. I looked at the kid and he looked at me. He studied me, but with not one ounce of judgment. His adorable innocence made me smile under my mask and he knew it. He started playing Peekaboo with me - all on his own. The Mom looked on enjoying her child. It was like he was reminding me of something. In those moments I had no problems. Only joy.
    Last edited by Tyy1907; 23rd November 2021 at 18:55.
    "Without the human request, nothing will happen."

    "This must never be forgotten, that the human has the power to prevail."

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    Default Re: I hate people. Adults, that is.

    Doug, you are an observer. Your life's work is taking your observations and distilling your vision of reality onto canvas. If you put yourself into a situation where you were surrounded by loving beings, your work would reflect that. But, recently you were moved to paint portraits of people on the cutting edge of exposing the truth - whistleblowers. The whistleblowers have exposed the hidden evil, and you have helped expose the world to them and their revelations. That viewpoint has to put you into a vortex of negativity, and you probably have to fight not to get dragged into it emotionally. Like a sanitation worker, you need to thoroughly "shower" occasionally, to at least temporarily remove yourself from the negativity. While you're in it, wallow in it, experience it totally - you need that for your inspiration (and probably growth, on your path, too.) But do give yourself needed breaks from experiencing it, to clear yourself, to cover your own canvas with white Gesso.

    By the way, I know what you mean about being able to even acknowledge children in public, much less communicate with them. I was in a grocery store yesterday, and there was a dad with 2 kids, a toddler boy and a little girl probably about 5 (the most magical age.) She hilariously raised up her arms to block my pathway in the aisle, kinda the vibe of the Monty Python character saying, "None shall pass!" She looked me right in the eyes and smiled. It was hilarious, but her dad sorta whooshed her away without looking me in the eyes. As I went through the aisles, we'd meet up again and she would engage me with a playful, "What are you doing here? You were just over there!" kind of banter. Then, when I checked out, that family ended up behind me and the little girl kept up the banter, calmly and fearlessly dealing with a stranger. I wanted to return the playful banter, and did a bit, but was left uncomfortable by the father's vibe. It wasn't full-on vibe like he was accusing me of flirting with his child or something, but I did not get the vibe of having permission to really engage with her. Her dad never looked me in the eyes. I wanted to say something to him to compliment her precocious nature, her spontaneity, her fearlessness, her vibrancy, how my encounter with his little girl raised my spirit. But, I just said "Have a great evening!", directed to the whole family, because of the social stigma of adults interacting with children.

    Hang in there, brother. You're not alone.


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  21. Link to Post #31
    Avalon Member SpookyMulder's Avatar
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    Default Re: I hate people. Adults, that is.

    Hey Doug,

    I believe here at Avalon we all share the same pain, the same desires to be loved, to give love and live in peace and harmony. I trust Bill built this very place for this exact purpose because I believe that Bill knew, or had inside knowledge a while back (or maybe just the feel) that something was up and people like us needed to be able to gather without feeling ridiculized. We might all agree to disagree but at least we can manage that with respect and equality and we can still care for one another.

    We all wanted to spend an afternoon in Utopia at some points in our lives wherever we are, and right now we are all being tested. It's hard, very hard to see what has happened in less than two years. Everything has been turned upside down for a specific purpose; we all know it and we felt it a while back.
    I feel like a lot of us here don't have many friends, because honest friendship too seem to have become a rare commodity these days. One thing for sure is that we have to protect children at all costs, when we can but you already know that.

    Things are hard for everyone, but as Dennis said you are never alone.

    Keep the fire burning inside.
    I have seen life on this planet, and that is exactly why I am looking elsewhere.

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    United States Avalon Member Mark's Avatar
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    Default Re: I hate people. Adults, that is.

    I'm sure you know that saying that there is a thin line between love and hate, Doug.

    I think that's true. Both are, apparently, the same energy, but twisted by circumstance.

    The circumstance, generally, is our perception.

    It is really easy for someone who loves deeply and in an empathic manner to have circumstances twist that love into hate, or intense dislike, because we are so easily moved emotionally, the switch-over can be almost sub-conscious and, before we know it, there we are wishing the worst on the human family. Right now, it is really easy to see us as f_cked up and not deserving of anything good, because of the way we have allowed ourselves to be used and twisted and turned in all of these ways. The programming at this point of our co-evolution, the end of not only an Age but a Great Age, is so intensely effective that unless you have a strong mind you are jacked up and thinking the thoughts we've all been subliminally and directly subjected to for most of our lives, i.e. that whole pedophile for loving kids thing, black/white thing, us/them thing.

    I'll bet it's different, though, when you meet people in person, isn't it?

    Because people are people and, while the programming is mega-intense for most of us, there is always a way to break through and break in to find the real person, if you are real enough with them. Listen to them, hear who they are and then query that as you share yourself, openly, honestly, forthrightly, with direct eye contact and an open heart.

    I guess I am a romantic and a lover, at heart. I have met no one on any side of any issue that I can't find common cause with in some way, shape or form. Often, that has meant that I am more free flowing and open in my acceptance of difference, and I've been trained that way in a life on the move, always in new places, always meeting new people.

    I hope we are not doomed and I hope we can continue to build bridges and common connection, one on one, or small groups to small groups. That is the only way it will be able to happen, because the system and its mores as they currently are, work overtly against intimate connection between individuals and groups. We have to beat the algorithm by going beneath it and above it to get inside of it and unravel it from the inside, one person at a time.

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    Philippines Avalon Member
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    Default Re: I hate people. Adults, that is.

    Some say be "born again" others say "be like a child". children don't care if the world is ****ed up or what. That adults are liars or.... They simply are too immerse in their child's play. So the world is chaotic, who cares , I'm too busy with my adult child's play. so excited in moving to my new home. Well this is after hating my life first, and of course hating the world. and before that loving it. That's life up down up down love hate love hate. Another point that I'd like to point out to everyone is that every life form is basically a balance ball of energy. positive negative; yin yang...If one does not do the act of love in a while (hugging, loving, sharing) he/she becomes an unbalance negative ball of energy.

    Thanks for the post Doug. I love extraordinary post there is always something to learn from it. Tomorrow will be another day and could be "I love the adults". No big deal its just life experience. If one is in the negative side the best way to handle it is to be busy. The more you think about life the more you'll be depress. Most importantly do random acts of love. Give tips to the mechanic to the waitress help the old couple next door etc.

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  27. Link to Post #34
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    Default Re: I hate people. Adults, that is.

    Doug: I dearly love you and would send you my photo at five years old holding Puss, my sole companion as a lonely child. Then there is the photo of myself, the best one I have taken as an adult, I think, at one of those photo booths. In that dress, I had my last dance which I thoroughly enjoyed. He was a bit insulting to me, but I saucily dressed him down verbally and he apologized, realizing that I had enough self-respect not to let him get away with it. When it was time to depart, he kissed my right hand goodbye and we departed in separate directions. I remember that because I really enjoyed that dance. I had a great grandmother who was said to have given the most wonderful balls in her city. Her husband, a big bear of a man, would be danced off his feet. Mini was a petite and happy person who has communicated with me from the other side also.

    You are a healthy, handsome man, whole of body and soul. It is very strange that I have been concluding also, that I cannot think of people in my life for whom I retain any great affection but a small hand full. I think I am afraid of people after some of my experiences. Therefore, I really do understand your feelings and wonder whether I, unintentionally communicated them to you. For instance, I feel very ashamed at some of my very volatile current political posts. As I was thinking this, a strong but quiet voice in my consciousness said, "Don't stop, we need you." Not long thereafter, I saw groups getting militarily prepared. Having come to the conclusion that there is no one out there politically that we can really trust nor should we, I have to agree that action is our only way out. However, I am a quiet soul but logical thinker. Love and kisses to you Doug. I am sure most of the ladies out there agree with me.

    You are perfectly loveable and deserve any partner you wish. It is not easy to find your life mate, even in a huge city. The one and only dear friend who occasionally lets me know she is still around even though she passed away in 2010, once went to MatchMaker in New York City, a service for which she paid. Fortunately, she found her match on her own shortly thereafter. They had a nice home in New Jersey and a nice son.

    I found on line a Chinese Astrological Match-making site which is based, not on birth date as in our Astrological Match-making, but actually is determined by year of birth not merely the month and day of birth. I believe this system has some merit to it because it was the Chinese midwives who kept careful family records in their villages and maintained close friendly relationships with the families they brought into the world. These records possibly enabled them to come to some conclusions about what birth dates got on best with other birth dates. The Chinese culture is thousands of years old with continuous history. I don't know the history of Western Astrology. Each month of their Chart is represented by an Animal. Certain Animals only get along romantically with other Animals, etc. The information I found on line showed the percentage of "getting along" for each combination. Now if you find a good Match Maker, he or she, will be given requirements of each partner which, when including Chinese Match Making information has a better chance of getting it right than randomly. While sexual attraction is important, the underlying, less visible aspects of being are what keep couples together. It sure beats "Russian Roulette." Also, people of our age know a thing or two about life and people and can make better choices.

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  29. Link to Post #35
    United States Avalon Member thepainterdoug's Avatar
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    Default Re: I hate people. Adults, that is.

    Amor, thank you so much. HERETOGROW, " I nearly pulled a Biden meets the Pope" ?? THATS GREAT.

    EVERYONE, I CANNOT MENTION YOU ALL. Each and everyone of you taking the time to answer my post, rant, whatever. Im dyslexic a slow reader so thats a problem enough reading all and responding.

    DENNIS, there is nothing i love more than locking eyes with a kid as the parents drag them off and Im keeping the game going. they love it, yet our modern adult pervert evil world has ruined it, put barbed wire around a rose and said , no you cannot enjoy this beauty. this is what i mean .

    i hate people because I truly love people! And Im damn frustrated and sorrowful for what we all have caved to here. For what we all have allowed to become our adult reality.

    the Hollowywood film maker that blows the whistle in my other post, this explains it. How adults could choose to ruin children, no different than cruelty to animals. its sad tragic and angering!

    Mark, when I meet people in person, im the most wide eyed, loving smiling friend you could meet.
    I have a simple rule, I love everyone until they give me good reason not to.

    ill try to read more. love to all

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  31. Link to Post #36
    Avalon Member Delight's Avatar
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    Default Re: I hate people. Adults, that is.

    I do not hate people but I do not feel comfortable with people. For the most part I interact well superficially and do not have conflicts. However, I hate it when people are unfair. In my neighborhood which is semi rural and backs up to a park (not directly to my couple of acres), for all the years I have lived here, it just gets more and more "closed in". A few years ago houses started going up where it had just been woods. Slowly and surely it closes in. I dislike that so much and yet I love my house.

    I have one neighbor who is mean and a bully. I walk my dog on what was once a trail and then reverted back to the owners (so the city need not maintain it). He baits deer to his back yard so he can shoot them from his porch. He yells at his grandchildren and wife. When he found out he owns half the strip that was once the trail, he started mowing it (last spring) and put up no trespassing signs a few weeks ago. I saw him and asked if he meant me and he said Yes. he gave some sort of excuse about "If you were to be injured, you could sue me". Mind you he only owns HALF the strip. I said that to him and also shared how frustrating it is that the ability to walk freely has eroded over the years. He finally agreed that I could walk Megan before 4PM (as his deer come after that).

    I figured out from another neighbor that he has blamed ME for his blueberries disappearing (NEVER touched them) when actually it is probably his DEER eating the berries. In general he is just irritating, BUT TODAY he got on my last nerve.

    He confronted me that his wife had seen us walking at 3:30 on Sunday. He said that since the time change, that is going to scare his deer. Also, he said his grandsons and he are hunting all the coming week and not to walk at all.

    I cannot recall how the conversation led to the confrontation but the words " I have talked to many people about you" (implying people think bad things about me WHEN NO, there could NOT be any) was the last straw and I screamed at him. The FORCE of my rage came fully out.

    I said "I don't give a !@#$ that your deer might be scared." He said "You can't walk that way anymore then and the (other owner) doesn't want you to walk on his property either." I know that other owner has never even come to the property in years and is holding it to sell to a water developer someday.

    I screamed "You make me so angry" and repeated it LOUDER. I said I won't stop walking on the trail. He said "I'll call the sheriff" and I said "Go AHEAD then". "I repeated, "I am SOOO FURIOUS" and he said "Get over it!" (meaning It was on me only). I walked with Megan to the field beyond the trail and the whole way ACTIVELY refused to let myself curse him (which means sending a vibe out that I wish harm). I was so tempted but I know my intention is to NEVER curse anyone so I tried to turn it over to the power that raises me up... I realized I should not have said HE MADE ME mad... because we only make ourselves mad. I did hooponopono on it. I was still mad.

    When I returned past his house, he came over to me and apologized. I wasn't having it and got real with him... telling him I don't believe he would suddenly have a change of heart so did not trust his apology. I asked WHY would you suddenly change? I told him I see him as mean and a bully who has been unfair to me for years about walking the dog(s) (as one passed away a few months ago). HE kept apologizing. It was surreal. He actually asked if we could turn over a new page. He was courting my forgiveness. He asked if we could hug. He promised NEVER to speak to me the same way.

    I cried. We hugged. I started to melt my anger. I apologized for screaming at him. He asked if we could hug AGAIN. He promised that he wants to be a loving brother in Christ. WOW, this was so bizarre.

    We parted in peace. I never lowered my self to unload blame at him for his deer baiting as I was tempted to do. I did NOT curse him as I was tempted to do. Something happened that was different for some reason after I did hooponopono.

    This is not exactly on target but I have been really tempted all along to hate him. BUT I would always stop myself and use my skills to control my own low frequency. Hate is a terrible low emotion. I am not sure anger is good but I do get really angry sometimes and today I BLASTED this guy.

    I cried for an hour. It let off some deep anger about how I feel constrained by a world that I just do not like. BUT if MY world is just me pushed out as Neville said, I guess I am healing it a little somehow by REFUSING hate and curses shown by this weird interaction?
    Last edited by Delight; 24th November 2021 at 05:39.

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    United States Avalon Member thepainterdoug's Avatar
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    Default Re: I hate people. Adults, that is.

    Delight. thats quite a story. Im happy it got resolved like that. It got resolved by you being real and at the moment of your rage, hating him for lack of a better term. Thats what gave the honest re action to his action.
    He obviously was needing it.

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  35. Link to Post #38
    Taiwan Avalon Retired Member
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    Default Re: I hate people. Adults, that is.

    [QUOTE=thepainterdoug;1464892

    Im just a little person, A meaningless person, yet I know my words resonate with many.

    .[/QUOTE]

    No you are not. I am just a newbie on this forum and I came across your post by chance. I am in a new country with my husband. A country where I do not speak the language, do not understand the culture and where I reached out to other expatriates over and over again, and I got rejected every single time. I have become a virtual prisoner in the place where I am supposed to enjoy my retirement. I started hating people, until I read your post and the replies. There are good and decent people in the world, and after seeing the incredible kindness of the people on this forum, I now have hope again. So you see you are not meaningless, your post was responsible for the change in me today. May Almighty GOD bless you.

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  37. Link to Post #39
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    Default Re: I hate people. Adults, that is.

    Thank you.

    I wish to thank all of you for sharing your soul's with the Avalon community and our visitors. This is one of the most beautiful posts I have read hear on Avalon. The truth, courage, and vulnerability you have all demonstrated give insight into what it is to be human. We are more alike than different. I am grateful to be in your company. Please accept this hug from me to all of you who have contributed and/or have been touched by any of these replies (that includes visitors too).
    Happiness comes from within, nowhere else.

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    United States Avalon Member thepainterdoug's Avatar
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    Default Re: I hate people. Adults, that is.

    JOE 1964, the lord works in mysterious ways! Thank you so much for that. Thats why I just try to remain true to myself, acceptabe or not, with agreement or not.
    By just being real, we give others an honest barometer in wich to evaluate themselves. were all in this together anyhow.

    Vangelo, thats an amazing summation of this interchange. you spoke for us all I believe.

    blessings all

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