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    Netherlands Avalon Member ExomatrixTV's Avatar
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    Lightbulb Having multiple PTSD's - How it shaped me to be who I am

    Love to be a voluntary amateur "Truther Counselor" using Spiritual Psychology not claiming I am an "authority" (on anything) nor am I an "expert" ...
    • just sharing my perspectives that some may find useful/helpful & appreciating different insights.
    • but it can also have a opposite effect with certain individuals who assume it is way too much waffling ...
    • so it is certainly not for everybody and I respect that.


    Sharing insights/wisdoms never comes easy ... as I challenge almost everybody including myself questioning everything (so am not an "easy" person to be with) ... the trick is not to "hate" not to assume anything (even if it is obvious) ... and having a permanent "sense of wonder" that things could be (very) different than you think it is ... having an antenna open for different perspectives works best when you allow yourself to be surprised (not falling in to the pessimism trap).
    • So that you adept (integrate) faster new acquired insights & wisdoms that are more practical & helpful for all.
    But at the same time when you dare to say it out-loud it can be highly confrontational to many who are "not there yet" and when they finally do they realize what it was that was holding them back or keeping them down ... 99 out of 100 times it was fear ... fear what others might think/do/say etc.

    Then you have insights/wisdoms that only work when you have the detachments in place not to hold on (guarding) your "achievements" or "image/imago" or "status" etc. etc. >>> Something that is beyond all of that ... to let go of own personal vendettas or personal agendas etc.

    To do that you need to know the difference between practical unbiased truth and "perceptional truths" how they are interwoven ... the more I let go of "judgmental truths" the more I receive "holistical truths" that is beyond personal agendas.

    The moment I am brutal honest towards my own flaws, mishaps, mistakes & misinterpretations and see when it is happening I can be very harsh towards myself if I let it linger too long, not transform it fast enough ... so key is: to see your own evolution of progression must include all faults/mistakes >>> if you have enough self-knowledge and know why things are happening in certain way knowing where you are coming from etc. you still can use love & compassion for yourself and be very confrontational about it at the same time ... Like facing everything ... not only that suits "one way of living" then giving some space to figure out a way to go beyond ANY self-imposed limitations ... especially when certain (self-destructive/self sabotage) behaviors are based upon having trauma's of the past.

    Good things in life can sometimes become a symbol of "not wanting to recognizing how horrible I actually feel" ... it feels like an cheap "escape" ... even if those good things in life are NOT a symbol of that >> but still are perceived like that for those who had several severe traumatic experiences.

    I have multiple PTSD's and those who know my full story would not want to continue to live that either ... what "saved" me is my connection to a part of me that is beyond all the human drama ... What I call the: "Neutral Observer Awareness" (we all have within us) ... that connection happened during my Near Death Experience and later dozens of UFO experiences.
    • Knowing that overwhelmingly majority did not have had these experiences ... it is not easy to translate "how I live" and why.
    That is why I have seldom an assumption that people really dig where I am coming from and get used to "not being understood" ... I do not bother to get upset too much by default how others "may think" and chose to move on.

    And I do not mind to be corrected if it is genuine & respectfully done ... something many people forget to do when they are (constructively) corrected thinking they "lose face" ... to me losing face happens the moment I am not truly honest about ANY given situation including: ignoring being corrected ... that would be losing face.

    All of the above shaped me for who I am and I still can make mistakes no matter how "wise" I can be for those in need ... Some of my shared wisdoms are actually meant for me and it happens to help others too
    • I wonder how many Avalonians had also PTSD 's and did similar things in how to deal with your own obstacles/challenges in life.


    cheers,
    John Kuhles aka 'ExomatrixTV'
    April 28th, 2022 🦜🦋🌳
    Last edited by ExomatrixTV; 30th March 2023 at 19:09.
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    Albania Avalon Retired Member
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    Default Re: Having multiple PTSD's - How it shaped me to be who I am

    There is a misconception of PTSD and it is explained the wrong way intentionally. It needs a deep understanding of the process, to be aware what is really PTSD and what triggers it.
    PTSD is a psychic attack directed to the person and using an old memory to make him vulnerable and to think that the memory trigger it's by himself. The deception is so undetectable and the victim can be under control of the attacker without knowing it.

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    Canada Avalon Member Johnnycomelately's Avatar
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    Default Re: Having multiple PTSD's - How it shaped me to be who I am

    Quote Posted by Iceberg (here)
    There is a misconception of PTSD and it is explained the wrong way intentionally. It needs a deep understanding of the process, to be aware what is really PTSD and what triggers it.
    PTSD is a psychic attack directed to the person and using an old memory to make him vulnerable and to think that the memory trigger it's by himself. The deception is so undetectable and the victim can be under control of the attacker without knowing it.
    I think it’s good that you have addressed how PTSD works. Interesting idea, external triggering. I have belief that could include that (PTSD events), but hadn’t thought of this connection.

    There must be heaps of ‘official’ research by now, all of which must exclude spirit, because ‘science’.

    If true, I still think that both responsibility and the power to heal rest with the person. What do we know about karmic burdens, and how they can affect the structure of our lives? And if that line of thought is relevant, how to unburden is also a question.

    I look forward to hearing anybody’s understanding of PTSD. I haven’t studied it, but have noted what I think is that in my family (not often extreme, but still damaged goods). Myself too.

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    United States Moderator Sue (Ayt)'s Avatar
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    Default Re: Having multiple PTSD's - How it shaped me to be who I am

    I doubt that anyone alive has fully escaped trauma at one time or another, to some extent. Of course some stories are much more horrendous than others.
    But I do wonder what is the cutting edge that enables some to overcome and move on better than others?
    "We're all bozos on this bus"

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    Canada Avalon Member Johnnycomelately's Avatar
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    Default Re: Having multiple PTSD's - How it shaped me to be who I am

    Quote Posted by Sue (Ayt) (here)
    I doubt that anyone alive has fully escaped trauma at one time or another, to some extent. Of course some stories are much more horrendous than others.
    But I do wonder what is the cutting edge that enables some to overcome and move on better than others?
    I think it has to do with how much you think you are owed, by somebody(s) or by life itself. By “life itself” I mean whatever you think God is.

    Edit: typo
    Last edited by Johnnycomelately; 29th April 2022 at 06:21.

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    Default Re: Having multiple PTSD's - How it shaped me to be who I am

    Thank you John for sharing and giving your time and research away selflessly to others.

    I can appreciate your point very well. Strangely to say, the earlier we learn to cope with trauma, more traumas we sometimes attract People just keep throwing their own frustrations on the one with remaining calms, sometimes mercilessly.

    When my parents separated after 12 years of happy marriage I was 7 or 8. The reasons were difficult to capture from child’s perspective but I’ve patiently listened to all their reasons hoping to bring them back together but I knew very little about the political darkness of those times and why it actually saved mum and I from worse. Mum was insulin dependent diabetic but still active on her job as medical professional. She definitely needed support and care from her husband the most and leaving her alone with a kid was emotionally cruel. I did not suffer any trauma from the separation because I was more interested in my studies and school work, probably more since but was left with nerve breaking parent till I could actually leave home as well.
    Having to cope with other persons trauma they are analysing constantly and “reliving” it every weekend, throwing fits at the caring teenager who I were was far from easy but it taught me to develop distance and abide in the neutrality state as long as necessary.
    It also taught me to listen for hours before talking because the person who suffer acutely can’t be counselled or talked back to easily, if they are any kind of senior or ill they will name every reason in the world on how their situation can not improve.

    It took us many years to pull through mums trauma with the risk that she ( as clinical psychologist) would not accept therapy and considered herself in norm mentally and would place me to the position of guilt if she felt too miserable , simply an evil , trying to pass her feelings on to me.

    We lived in the midst of civilised world so to say, schools , academic institutions, medical and social care and everything looking well on outside yet from the nuclear perspective the situation was beyond redemption. No one in the bigger family could intervene because mum would not accept any kind of intervention.

    So also I was left to handling this for most part on my own , with love and humility till I could actually leave , that time on life search and study and meditation to India.

    Mum was in shock of course. Her state of illness got her convinced that I’m the helpless one and she is in control, I was supposed to continue in medical studies and look after her .
    I begged my father for the last favour to grant me that was my freedom and money for flight ticket. I left to India with very little in my pocket, no experience , not even a travel book when I was 19. Mum was convinced I will be returned back right from Delhi is how she picked me up that time 😅
    It’s how many people pick me up anyway because I’m soft by all means but I tend to get through without fall because I learned to rely on my own wisdom so to say.

    The time away gave mum the one lesson everyone needs to learn in life, the virtue of letting go. No matter what went on in her mind she smiled whenever I’ve returned since because she understood the that letting go is important.

    Some people keep holding to their traumas longer than necessary and keep re-experiencing them in countless ways before they decipher and apply that point succinctly and stop suffering.

    To be quite honest :The only time I could do this so efficiently was when I was a child because I had both the intelligence and strong nerves. I could keep it together no matter what was happening around.

    40 years later and after seeing so many people suffer , sometimes everyday in my life, after all those meditations in compassion too,
    I blame myself for being feeble minded because my heart breaks so easily on seeing someone in helpless situation.

    I do realise how my emotion does not help but can’t prevent it easily either.

    People begging in the streets or those with disability of whom no society cares get me broke hearted on sight. Most of them are difficult to help without big means.

    The state of human civilisation with its cruelty, deceptions, lies and ignorance can drive me to really bad corner unless I am willing to walk away from it and take a neutral stand.

    My friends therapists hate me likewise ( in jest of course) because they’ve never been through that much, to cut it short.

    If I reflect on the state of the world and times we live in ,
    we miss qualified therapy for serious traumas and keep giving it to the neurotic narcissistic and rather comfortable urban middle class dwellers who had couple bad relationships , so to say.

    The state of the narcissistic therapy in modern society is so bad that anyone who had been (for example but not exclusively ):

    war victim , famine victim, political prisoner, injured veteran of war, victim of sexual abuse and prostitution etc etc etc

    do not “fit” to the category for modern day social trauma.

    Read me right. Most civilised countries and their therapy chambers don’t have a clue and would not have a clue about someone with serious trauma.

    Such people are mostly in daze of some sort. People walked out in those very traumatic states out of Nazi ( and other and other) concentration and labour camps at the end of WWII. And many other times before and after , against all the odds, some severely injured, some like skeletons , people still walk in that state for hundred kilometres to make it back somewhere .
    Often the place also does not exist anymore.

    But : there is a hope in it all and how much did the Life Principle pulled us through already , no matter the times and nations,

    I always wish it won’t get worse rapidly because we are never ready enough for it all.


    Keep strong and well and walk with blessings



    🙏🌟🙏🕊🕊🕊

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    Exclamation Re: Having multiple PTSD's - How it shaped me to be who I am

    I can imagine that people reading about me having "multiple" PTSD's may wonder "what the hell is John talking about" ??? ... okay, let's share some of my past experiences that helps to better understand where I'm coming from:
    • Car-accident when I was near 5 years old, almost dead! (lung torn, severe concussion, was in deep coma for 3 days, they operated on my without any anesthesia as it might kill me, could not walk normal for over 6 years then eventually healed when I was 12 years old) having "daymares" (nightmare visions on broad daylight) seeing things and screaming when I was young ... The did EEG testing and other stuff to figure out what is wrong with me.
    • Am cast out by so many for being different and having paranormal gifts I shared to anyone who talked to me ... like what you see in the movie "Powder" being attacked for what he represents.
    • My parents divorced when I was 12 years old.
    • Am a victim of pedo-abuse when I was 13 years old which has huge impact on my whole life.
    • In 1992 I lived very very close to the high-rise building where "El Al Flight 1862" Boeing 747 Cargo Plane Crash with Depleted Uranium and other Toxic stuff I inhaled when I was walking around the crash!
    • Because of being contaminated I can not have children anymore ... my girlfriend at the time in 1993 had miscarriage she supposed to have our child in 1993 >>> He/she would be my Son or Daughter ... this terrible experience happened again in 2017 with Iris (my twin soul) who committed suicide in December 2019.
    • My mother was heavily addicted using sleeping medications, and it got worse and worse ... so much so she auto-mutilated here self using Stanly-razor blades and I saw her cutting herself when I was 17 years old.
    • My mother did a suicide-attempt twice using overdose sleeping-pills and needed to go to the Hospital to pump her digestive system out ... she barely survived, she had severe memory loss and have also issues with short-term memory.
    • My brother is a 100% savant (like what you see in the movie Rain Man with Dustin Hoffman) >> so many think "it must be so cool" to have a brother like that ... not knowing the special care / extreme patience they need and understanding that is beyond most will comprehend ... My father could not deal with him being around >> so I became like a father for him when I was 12 up to 18 years old ... His life expectancy was very low due to multiple other health complications he had ... When I left my home place ... my brother went nuts and was taken to a "special care" center where they medicated (severely drugged) him to become a vegetable ... My brother Andy Kuhles died at the age of 49 in 2016.
    • When I was invited to the USA to speak at the biggest UFO Conference in 2007 in Baja California ... all was to be paid (flight-tickets & hotel-costs for 2 persons plus a fee for my lecture discussing the best latest European UFO Cases and some exclusive Dutch Government involvement in the UFO Cover Up) ... I was attacked on multiple levels (receiving also death threads) all in just one week this happened: My dearest cat was poisoned and died, my motor-cycle got stolen, I had a master boot record (MBR) attack on my hard-drive losing 1000s of hours of work for my DVD project that was to be sold on the UFO Conference (among others), half of my face got paralyzed severe Bell's_Palsy for 6 months I could not speak well nor eat or drink normal and one eye was not able to close and could dry-out very fast so I had special cover glass with tape to prevent going blind on 1 side, in the same week I lost my job and my girlfriend decided to quit our relationship. There are more weird things that happened that week ... That was the time I came a long period of depression.
    • I have had "missing time" (part of the different UFO encounters) and received multiple terrible visions of the future which at the time I did not know what to do with these visions ... then years later most of them were unfolding by the day! Feeling permanently guilty not doing enough about my insights/visions.
    • there are more but this is enough for today!
    <!-- edit update: -->



    On November 24, 1994 Rob Scholte and Micky Hoogendijk got into his dark blue BMW 525i at the Laurierstraat in Amsterdam. Shortly after he drove away, a hand grenade exploded under the car. Scholte was seriously injured. Both his legs had to be amputated above the knee. Hoogendijk, who was expecting Scholte, had a miscarriage . The perpetrator of the attack has never been found.
    When I was making/producing Alternative Media in 1994 in Amsterdam (also organizing conferences and running "Exposure Magazine" together with Davd M. Summers) ... I explained many times on record that one of my sources of my Conspiracy Research is "Behold A Pale Horse" written by Milton William Cooper. So did Rob Scholte he too mentioned Bill Cooper when he was talking on Local TV Amsterdam fighting/exposing corruption and his insights & intellect was very similar to mine and I saw him as a colleague having very similar views on what The New World Order is all about.
    • Rob Scholte (like me) openly discussed the role of Free Masons and other Secret Societies in many corruptions of power ... and I showed the documentary "Inside The Brotherhood" on Local TV Amsterdam and went to the Freemason Lodge in Amsterdam to expose/confront them!
    When I heard about the car-bomb explosion, it happened exactly below my mother's building where here widows were totally scattered (broken). So it is not only about Rob Scholte losing his legs and almost died, but also my mother in Amsterdam that was hit by it ... At the time, I went to my mother's place many times every week ... I too received plenty of death threats ... Needless to say I was shocked for him, for my mother but also for myself. Even if it is all "just coincidences" it still hit me hard on a psychological level.

    I have done 2 times a full year "group therapy" sessions 5 days a week working on myself and shared all the above to the psychiatrists & psychologists not using any "filters" no self-censorship and ask a simple question to them: "How would you be/react if all of it happened to you?" (what I just shared here).

    cheers,
    John Kuhles aka 'ExomatrixTV'
    April 29th, 2022 🦜🦋🌳
    Last edited by ExomatrixTV; 6th May 2023 at 19:34.
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    Default Re: Having multiple PTSD's - How it shaped me to be who I am

    Truth seekers like many here on Avalon are literally singled out for special treatment. The dark forces have tech beyond our wildest dreams, able to search for Light bringers or as they see them, troublemakers and put them through the ringer so they can watch them squirm. My life is no different. Since they know how our minds work better than we do and their tech is advanced they can manipulate our minds to say, skewer ourselves by making uncharacteristic choices that can sideline our credibility and our lives.

    Knowing this has made the difference for me. Don't be down on yourselves. You're targetted relentlessly by being the truth seeking Light bringers that you are. We only stand strong cause of divine(home) support. Spirits try to lead us away and trip is up daily. We know better. We're here for a high cause.
    We make mistakes - usually many more than the average person. And we accrue more karmic debt than average. In service to the Light. For the greater good, for those asleep. Where did I learn this all? I've mentioned this source before many times.
    "Without the human request, nothing will happen."

    "This must never be forgotten, that the human has the power to prevail."

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    Default Re: Having multiple PTSD's - How it shaped me to be who I am

    It is hard to get through life without being unscathed. I do know how it feels to have PTSD too and I've come to the realization that trauma is a major factor for the evolution of consciousness. It can and does break down people, but more than that it can break people and their hearts more open if the wound is integrated and the personality becomes more whole through those kind of experiences.

    I would recommend the works of Gabor Mate, Peter Levine and Bessel van Der Kolk, from the latter the book The Body Keeps the Score. It seems that breathwork truly can help a lot with traumas which is unreleased energy looping around in the body, and if not treated it can remain stuck for a very long time, or a lifetime. Once we become healed as individuals society will be healed too. There is much to unpack, but with compassion and understading of ourselves and the "others" we can truly achieve and know what peace and harmony means.


    Last edited by Wind; 29th April 2022 at 19:37.
    "When you've seen beyond yourself, then you may find, peace of mind is waiting there." ~ George Harrison

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    Default Re: Having multiple PTSD's - How it shaped me to be who I am

    Quote Posted by Sue (Ayt) (here)
    I doubt that anyone alive has fully escaped trauma at one time or another, to some extent. Of course some stories are much more horrendous than others.
    But I do wonder what is the cutting edge that enables some to overcome and move on better than others?
    Many variables but ultimately finding a way to heal is the way forward. Some are more resilient than others to be sure
    "Without the human request, nothing will happen."

    "This must never be forgotten, that the human has the power to prevail."

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    Default Re: Having multiple PTSD's - How it shaped me to be who I am

    That’s exciting John 🙏 The exciting part I mean is that you are able to share this all with us. Think of all the people with very strange experiences who are not able to talk about it for some reason or die in an accident.
    Survivors of paranormal events are few compared to numbers of victims.

    Ask why, I bet it all depends on the “guiding intelligence” in our genes.

    Some people get pulled in to themselves for life or long periods of time, others feel being pulled out to share with human collective.

    Rainman ( and similar individuals) have ultimately one advantage: they can focus perfectly on their chosen object of interest and disregard everything and everyone else as non essential. 😀 In many cases they can’t be even bothered with forming emotional relationships so like “Li’l Buddha” they see things exactly where they are, in corner of their eye.

    The outwards vector you have taken and I have taken, at certain point of my life in order -more like spontaneous impulse - to pour more information and intelligence into the human noosphere is risky ,
    as long as I’ve been experiencing it due and thanks to the internet ,
    I found the very flip side of everything :
    lost in words, in eternal puzzle with the code behind it, playing games, consuming Google servers, communicating with someone’s servers and much else,

    it all decorated by beautiful bubbles of live communication ,

    access granted.

    With the awareness and experience that strange accidents are considered nearly “a norm” in the field of ufology and ET Contact and many of them are “impure illusions” as opposed to “pure illusions” that help to resolve troubles, I try to avoid them at all cost ( of life now is all I have left ),
    impure illusory events are failures of our intelligence to align ourselves with the living Principles of the Universe ,
    that are the Principles of Creation and Principles that called us to action the first place.

    In short , dirty accidents happen because someone/something is in strong disalignment with the guiding intelligence in our genes or vice versa.

    Even then , the whole paradigm of fluid intelligence in us and the Universe can’t be solved by imposing ever new systems and sets of rules.

    It can be virtually only solved by “not solving it”, that is abstaining from attachment to both action and inaction,
    that is non indulgence in either action and inaction,
    which is the same like the Wu-Wei but being Fluid.

    Ultimately we find selves “walking on plastic Earth”, read plastic Space, maybe in circles rather than remaining seated on rock or rocking chair,

    get elevated to the situation of SkyWalker.

    Everything around you is netted and nestled in Universal intelligence speaking in volumes,

    Personally: I only feel good if can get unplug from human consciousness now and then , since childhood.


    Btw have you seen the movie called The Frequencies (2013)?




    Everything in the Universe is based in very subtle, invisible principles of Creation whichever we also understand as laws of physics in their different manifestation in multiple universes, algorithms of natural world, logarithms, functions , derivations , constants and the rest, abstracts in short that retranslate themselves as metaphors,
    long sequence or cascade of metaphors of those principles ,
    down to human language , its alphabets and grammars.

    We live in Universe that can be known by us, straight away, if we are willing to listen to it and learn. We have the capability to decipher complicated functions and count in big numbers without the need for computers or calculators , with great level of accuracy, if we understand who we are.

    My shares are juicy food for any imaginative therapist for sure and I give it “to them” because I’m therapy trained and won’t leave anyone in pickle but guess who of us walks out of the office after 4 hours of intellectual discussion on dry green tea all puzzled, and who goes home laughing.
    Mostly followed by strange emotional reaction on the side of the aspiring “-logician”,
    telling him not to have anything to do with that kind of intel again ..

    Which makes u cry 💧 Poor dear , dear human.

    The empathy part also did not quite fit to the tabs.

    Bust the bunny. Has terrible sense of humour 🤣

    If they want to get me really nauseous they start “flirting”.

    It’s a normie human intelligence response to complex equations and unknown phenomena.

    It’s not nice of me to say that much but I do not name people because the names are not important but the Principles are and understanding of them brings us all closer to the Truth no matter where from are we in Space,

    🙏🥀🥢🌸
    Last edited by Agape; 30th April 2022 at 03:41.

  22. The Following User Says Thank You to Agape For This Post:

    ExomatrixTV (30th April 2022)

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