A terrifying account

[onevoice]

Posted by Anchor (here)

Posted by gazap (here)
He says that he used automatic writing to get this information. The book was written in 1988.

Automatic writing is a low quality channeling technique, and it is very easy way for naughty entities to manipulate a channel using it. I would trust very little of any such material.

So far as I have learned, one gains the right to incarnate on this planet, at this time, by seniority of vibration. Do not under-estimate the degree to which your soul has evolved for you to even be here!

The very fact you are here on Earth, alive at this moment, free to breath, free to love, free to observe the moment, free to contemplate life and the afterlife, should tell you much.

You really don't have anything to worry about.

If you want to read something worthwhile and informative on this subject that should cause concerns for you, try Michael Newton's "Journey of souls".

Final words to say, I think that the fact that you can start a thread with the sentence you did, is pretty awesome; personally, I would like to convey my own best wishes for your journey. May the love and the light of the one infinite creator surround you.

You can download "Journey of Souls" here.

[palehorse]

Interesting book, seems like it is a compilation of the so many similar ideas out there.

I did read "The Spirits’ Book" by Allan Kardec it was written in the 18th century, it was when Spiritism officially came into the mainstream (not that many know about it, but it is popular in many countries). As the name states, it goes very deep into the realm of spirits/ghosts/demons/etc..

Another reading that I would recommend is the Buddhist cosmology, dive deep into it and you will see there is always a duality, you either ascend as a spirit or you descend does not matter at what level the being is, in rare cases you will re-born into the Manussaloka realm (Human realm), it happen when your job here is not yet done. In Tibetan Buddhism the arhat or buddha (someone illuminated) he or she (mostly men, don't ask me why, I dont' know) can perceive all beings arising, developing and passing away within diverse worlds and can tell precisely what state they were born in and what state they will be re-born. (That alone freak me out).

I will resume it for you: There is a process which all sentient beings migrate from one state into another (in Tibet they call it Bardo - If you can read, The Book of the Dead is a nice reading into the subject), and it depends on causes and conditions. Basically if you were evil in this life, you can expect to migrate (descend) into a less refined state, you will migrate (ascend) into a more refined state in accordance with your conduct in the previous life. It is quite logic.

All the studies are similar with a pinch of spice here and there to differentiate then from each other, but in essence they all say basically the same thing, I would have to read this book to confirm that.

Not a bible reader but I remember one passage in Romans and I just looked that up now, here it is:
"I appeal to you, brothers, to watch out for those who cause divisions and create obstacles contrary to the doctrine that you have been taught; avoid them."
Romans 16:17

This quite alone mean a lot of things, but since it is new testament text, and there lots more written about this subject before that, I would not hold tight with the bible contents, It was already heavily edited. Actually don't hold tight to any of these books before mentioned, they can be used as material for studies only.

The path of love and charity will be a better path in life. Do good and good will be with you, that is one certainty in life.

[Johnnycomelately]

Hi gazap. Good on you for looking at yourself and for planning your way forward.

With this drive to read, sounds like you are looking for “the truth”, a theory of life that you can be confident in knowing. As if it will somehow save you. Books can be useful, but book-learning has a bad name for a reason. For example, all my effort at passing the oilfield-drilling course that crew chiefs (Drillers) need got me was “why did you do that?” from one HR interview when I was applying for low man on the totem pole.

Spirit stuff even more so. We all have access to truth, it’s what we are. Ideas can help but truth is only known by doing. You have to prove to yourself that what you believe is true. Build your understanding on your own, small real steps at a time. Anything real will last. Don’t get ahead of yourself, work with what your days show you. Look within your own magnificent hidden self, for your best way forward.

Glad you regret reading that one, hope you can put it aside and neglect it. Cheers.

[Libico]

I would take it with a grain of salt (the bad/scary as well as the good/heavenly) - it's great to read and try to educate ourselves to understand what happens next but ultimately we are so limited in what we are able to conceptualize much less understand about anything outside of this realm as an incarnated human being. Try to let your inner voice guide you in what feels right. I think there are very few people on Earth who truly know what happens after death - mostly what we read is people sharing either questionable information from external sources, or sharing their direct experience... but everything is filtered through their own lens, and since we are human and fallible I don't think you'll be able to find an objective truth.

Overall, everything in existence serves a purpose and a big part of that purpose is challenging ourselves and growing. It's very possible there is a war of sorts in the astral, much like there is a war down here - we can only do the best we can with the information we have at any given time and let our own judgement lead us on the right path. Cultivating trust in oneself and one's inner voice or intuition (our direct connection to the higher self/divine) is what will help us choose the path that will lead to the most growth, even if in the short term it may not be pleasant and challenging.

I will echo what others have shared, Michael Newton provides an excellent account that may be more uplifting than what you've read - it's quite possible that his account takes place within the control system your book describes and if so I would trust there is a higher purpose for that as well.. to me it sounds like another system of control that exists on Earth where we work, pay taxes, etc all under the guise of moving forward when ultimately we are being controlled and exploited by TPTB... but I like to think that each of those that are aware of that fight back and choose to not accept being a passive prisoner even if we are still confined to live within this system.

I would say to embrace what comes but keep vigilant - when you say you feel like there is some truth to what you read you're probably right, but it could be similar to the disinformation fed to us here filled with half-truths to make the lie easier to swallow.

[Mark (Star Mariner)]

The only war is on Earth, not in Heaven. As others have said, read Michael Newton's Journey of Souls. A one stop shop for all you need to know.

One can also read or listen to the accounts of those who have really been through the process - have died, glimpsed what lies beyond, and come back. There are millions.

I promise you, this is worth your 22mins.

Neuro Surgeon Dies; Gets Shown Truth about Re-incarnation
22mins
The Other Side NDE

Source: https://youtube.com/watch?v=CJP5E9hVbWQ

[gazap]

Posted by Bill Ryan (here)
I've not read the book either, but here it is in the Avalon Library:

War In Heaven (Kyle Griffith)

https://avalonlibrary.net/ebooks/Kyl...n%20Heaven.pdf

thank you Bill. GIven your plethora of experience and knowledge, I would love your opinion on the material when you've got the time.

thanks
Gareth

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thank you for your reply, it's amuch appreciated.

with love
Gareth

[gazap]

Posted by Mike Gorman (here)
There is another book which describes the architecture of the astral realm, and also accounts for the creation of the universe, and the supreme nature of God, the angelic beings and also Human beings, this to me poses a more benign narrative: The Book of Urantia-it is very interesting! Available online and no doubt here in the Avalon library.
Whenever I encounter these very detailed works which purport to account for 'the beyond' I always consider that we are amazing creatures, and we exist in an amazing universe, life is just so unlikely, miraculous that it could not possibly be 'evil', life and physical death are all part of the deal but have faith in nature, don't give way to wild imaginings and fear: we are meant to be here and we have the right to our existence, fear not, go with it and trust. Just my opinion, I wish you the very best.

thank you for your input. There are so many accounts/beliefs/opinions out there that it makes it nigh on impossible to formulate a concise belief system. I feel that my mind is easily open to manipualtion as I no longer have that fortitude of mind to know or believe what is true or not. This whole process of learning has driven me to the brink of insanity. I am now more further from the truth than from where I begun.

[gazap]

thank you for your articulate reply. I have abused my body over the years with poor diet as well as smoking (even though I quit some time ago) and I feel like I've paid the ultimate price. I've never heard of Joe tippens so I will look into it.

I agree that the book paints a very dim outlook for humans. I've gone so far down the rabbit hole that I cannot backtrack...I wish I had never begun this search and just accept my fate.

Thank you again

Gareth

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thank you for your reply and I wish I had your strength to not take this kind of literature so seriously. I feel like I've become so vulnerable that I no longer have a filter. I've become extremely gullible because in my eyes, anything is now possible. I've lost my ability to discern and I feel like I have no strong conviction or faith in anything.

All the best to you
Gareth

[gazap]

thank you for your reply.

Yes I've read that and my spirit was lifted after reading it. I was then directed to material discussing alien intervention on earth, and how they've pretty much hijacked our exsitence here...including the astral. According to many sources, these parasitic entities (archons/greys/reptilians etc) use us as their energy source, we are nothing but cattle to them. The so called light we encounter in the afterlife is nothing more that an elaborate hoax to coax us into an amnesic state before being recycled to earth. their technology is so advanced that we humans dont stand a chance.

I jut dont know what to believe anymore. I've read accounts from wes penre, robert monroe, even an account from a group within nasa who feared that the ufo phenomenon had demonic conotations to it.

Trust me, I want to be believe in the greater good, it's just that evidence seems to point in the other direction

thatnk you again for your input.

with love
Gareth

[Ernie Nemeth]

Sad to hear, Gazap, but understandable.

It is best not to give too much credit to any one story. After all, they are just stories. They could be true but that is not the important part. They say more about the human condition than they elucidate. They confuse because the human condition is in a state of confusion.

Given the slave-like nature of our lives, and our mostly knee-jerk reaction to that nature, it is not surprising we have so many different and conflicting stories.

Instead of absorbing fairy tales, it might be more productive to use some gnostic esoterica to untangle the lies we are told. Read some gnostic texts. See what they have to say about the nature of reality and the human condition.

It might become obvious that these stories, or many of them, are designed not to elucidate but to confuse.

Those who control our perception wish us to remain slaves for very obvious reasons, none of which are for our own good but for theirs.

Don't play into their hands.

And no, I don't think this particular story is any more truthful than others of this ilk.

[gazap]

Posted by wondering (here)
Dear gazap, More than anything, I wish you Love, Light, Truth and Peace, We always have within us the ability to produce and dwell on terrors of all sorts. We also have the ability to ask for assistance to know truth. I believe that Love is always surrounding us and is the very nature of Source. This has been told and shown to us by many, including Jesus, Rumi, Mohammed and many others. Be still and know that Love is what you are made of. More than anything, I wish you to dwell in Love, Light, Truth and Peace. Thank you for showing up here.

thank you ever so much for your kind words, it means a lot. I feel a lot of love for this planet and its inhabitants (human and nature). I HATE the fact that I am made to feel disempowered. I keep on looking for a greater good to reveal itself but all I see is power brockers participating in acts that make no sense other than to cause misery and ill intent. Where is the transformation? Are there any beings out there who have our backs? As humans I dont see us ever getting out of this amnesic hell hole.

Thanks again for your time and lots of love to you
Gareth

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Posted by Sunny-side-up (here)
Just enjoy your visit here as deeply as you can, enjoy yourself

Dream of a wonderful next part of your journey and just focus on that

Love Alan.

PS: have some

I will do my best.

Thank you and all the best on yout journey also.

With love
Gareth

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thank you John for sharing this. I will take time to review this. I will also check out Martin cannon's book.

All the best to you
Gareth

[gazap]

Posted by Gwin Ru (here)
...

... another way of describing this war between dark and light has been described by Emanuel Swedenborg and how "Heaven" almost lost against "Hell":

• Hell almost destroyed Heaven ... as above, so below...

Off The Left Eye:

• https://www.youtube.com/@offTheLeftEye
• https://www.youtube.com/@offTheLeftEye/videos

thank you for sharing.

All the best to you
Gareth

[Hym]

Love is a deep Breath
sometimes held with a REAL BIG SMILE...
and released with an AAAAHHHHH......

And when you need more energy..
Take that deep breath in, let it go...and hold it out...
Contracting naturally or pulling the locks, whatever you will..
This is Praanuh...But some of the bogey yogies want to charge you for
What is already yours...

This takes you far beyond the control of the mind, the man, the money, the surreal muhnuh...
That can so easily be distracted.

Fear is certainly the absence of deep breathing...
Take a deep breath and tell me about it... ...... .........

In one language of prayers there is such a word..and it is Fearless...NeerBo, short breath, short word....The creator of the word is trying to get across what is seen as a simple solution....in words, none the less....and good luck with that..but we'll give it a try....why...

Because Love is Fearless..
We call it Bo.....a long Bo......You can say it as longgggg as your Heart desires...
That's Love, Unbound, the Intuitive Soul directed feeling, beyond thoughts...
Let it go...it is created to fly..
and thank goodness those thoughts are painful to hold on to..
lest we get comfortable in the confinement,...the prison of the mind...

When we put the word 'not', or Nir/Neer in front of that Love
We tie it up with our useless thoughts,


When I hear americans say the word in a morning prayer
I know that they do not know much..

So, they say NirBo and they leave the Bo....long,
Meaning that this creation we live in is 'without Love'...
What? Are they listening to what they say...?,
Even as this morning prayer goes on, extolling them to Listen, Listen, Listen...Soonee-eh..
But we know better...because we can still read.....
The original text or an accurate translit...or a simple write like this.
And even if we cannot read...we do know....

In that sacred language there is a little quarter of a circle, an aunkar underneath the letter...
It means to cut the "O" short....
Because we know the word means without cutting our Love, our Life, our Breath Short...creating fear..
And when you live fearlessly...
Damn, a very affirmative Damn, You'll feel good about it...


Breath....
I hold it with my Heart,
and I take it far, far beyond whatever my mind may suggest....

Breathing deep, I hold it in and relax...
releasing whatever it is...
I'm not afraid of the thought...


Fearless is the soul that controls the mind with the breath...
And just gets on with
The Living....

[gazap]

thank you for your insightful reply. I have a lot of respect and love for my fellow human. I believe that Ive lived a decent life, not causing harm to anyone, and showing respect and love to others. I just feel that as I started my journey down this rabbit hole, the more convoluted it has become and I feel like Im losing grasp on my ability to discern. Now, anything could be possible in my eyes so I feel lost in this sea of uncertainty. Im glad that automatic writing has been dismissed to some extent. the author did say that he repeated the question numerous time to account for the validity of the source, and that the answer was always the same. To him, this unequivocally re-affirmed that was was being said was true. Hopefully its just baloney.

thank you for your time and all the best to you
Gareth

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Posted by halcyon026 (here)
Hello Gazap.

I might suggest watching some of the Wight Witches videos on Youtube. It can give some more insight into 'death', the spirit realm, & what others experience when they leave their body.



https://www.youtube.com/@thewightwitch/videos

thank you for your suggestion, I will certainly take the time in watching those videos.

All the best to you
Gareth

[gazap]

Posted by Mari (here)
Gazap, there have been some lovely uplifting replies to you here. We have all been taught to fear 'death', as a means of control over us. As well as mentioned here, there have been many NDE accounts of people who have felt incredible love, peace, acceptance, you name it, when 'deciding' whether to go back, or journey on. There will be nothing to fear if you are an essentially decent person - and most of us are.
We have read from various 'sources' that upon transitioning, you need to 'turn away from the light, as it is a trap'. That just may be true for a spirit who has shunned love while incarnate and is therefore easy prey (like those still living) to evil energies. It will not apply to the majority though, and when you do see this Light upon passing, it's usually accompanied by the most wonderful feeling of Love...and that can never be imitated by demonic energies. That's how you will know.

I appreciate your reply, thank you. And I agree, there have been some wonderful and insightful replies here, and I thank everyone for taking the time in writing their thoughts. I am at a stage where I regret even starting this journey 'down the rabbit hole'. As you have alluded to, I have also read about the 'trap of the light' and how it's an elaborate scheme by advanced ETs to enforce an amnesic state on us, only to recycle us back to earth for the sole purpose of farming us for our energy. I will probaby start a ne thread on that, because in and of itself, that's a massive subject up for debate. I regret ever starting this journey now, ignorance is bliss as they. I feel like I cant undo what I've read.

thanks for your time and much love to you
Gareth

[gazap]

Posted by Michi (here)
I gobbled-up the the above book and found it actually not so "frightening". Probably because I read already many similar stuff.
If you compare what's going on here on earth (the lower parts of society) then the book's account isn't that far-fetched.
However - the book doesn't cover at all what's good out there. The books title says what it focuses on.

Let's take an analogy: Your parents tell you all about the dangers of crossing a street when you're a kid and give you rules how to survive.
Well - take it as some advice to not cross the heavenly street without looking left and right.
It's important to don't get all frightened-up but to strengthen one's back and wit and judgement to avoid any pitfalls.
And it is like driving. The most important thing is keeping driving towards the goal you want to reach, while traveling safely. However, loosen-up, enjoy the ride. All that can happen that you do a mistake. Ok, stand-up and let's go!

I honestly couldn't finction if I was reading similar books to this on a regular basis. you're right, the book leaves nothing for the possibility of good (other thn the invisble college who are apparently fighting this thing). I agree that I need to be more street smart to what may happen, it just seems that things are far more complex than what I had anticipated.

all the best to you
Gareth

[gazap]

Posted by DeDukshyn (here)

Posted by gazap (here)
Hello all.

My health is rapidly declining and Ive been reading as much as I can before my departure.



What I regret reading is a book called the war in heaven by Kyle Griffith. Does anyone here know of it? Its content has shaken me to my core and Im now overcome with dread and fear.

Does anyone here know of it?

I hope thats its a load of crap but hoping wont really get me anywhere.

The whole premise is that there are two opposing factions in the astral. The theocrats who devour or enslave souls, who have duped many on earth in believing that there is eternal life and that their God is all loving who offers them a place in eternity. Apparently they create these bands which are essentially factions. According to the text theyve created most religions, new age movements etc as a way of entrapment once the soul crosses over and is met either by a guide, or deceased family membet etc. It is truly a despairing and horrifying account.

The opposing faction to this group are called the invisible college who ar fighting this faction. Honestly, it sounds ridiculous but at the same time I cant help but feel theres some truth in it.

They talk a lot about how there are a lot of frightened souls who hide in the astral from these beings. Some get captured, others go insane etc most are enslaved and devoured thus rendering that soul obsolete.

He says that he used automatic writing to get this information. The book was written in 1988.

Anyway, I feel embarrassed posting this cause it sounds crazy but I was just hoping someone had information on this book and that it was debunked as being fake! I bloody hope so.

The online version can be found he if you dare to read it:

https://www.bibliotecapleyades.net/v...I.htm#Contents

Would love your thoughts on it.

Thank you

Ok ... so the premise is that there is no afterlife, indicating nothing more than the physical and no such things as a soul. Yet the beings inhabit a non-physical realm, and enslave souls? That doesn't even make sense.

"Enslaving souls" is done by putting them in a state of fear and despair, sounds like this guy tapped into the wrong entities to write his book about.

That said, religion is a bunch of hogwash, most of what we believe about God, spirit, and heaven, and Jesus' and others teachings are either so misrepresented and misinterpreted, or heavily coded to mean something that the words are just allegory for - if the meaning even survived the translations.

So in a sense this deception has already occurred. Now that you know this, know there is a truth out there, seek it if you can, and by all costs keep your heart light and full of love. We tend to cling to things that make us unhappy, when happiness is literally right there waiting for us. You are a creator, choose what you create.

he does state that there is no soul, just that its main function is to feed these theocratic beings. Either through enslavement or actual consumption. the entrapment happens in the astral. I want to beleive that I am a creator, that I can banish what I've read into non existence, but the whole book has left a very sour taste in my mouth.

thank you for your input, its much appreciated.

Gareth

[gazap]

Posted by Anchor (here)

Posted by gazap (here)
He says that he used automatic writing to get this information. The book was written in 1988.

Automatic writing is a low quality channeling technique, and it is very easy way for naughty entities to manipulate a channel using it. I would trust very little of any such material.

So far as I have learned, one gains the right to incarnate on this planet, at this time, by seniority of vibration. Do not under-estimate the degree to which your soul has evolved for you to even be here!

The very fact you are here on Earth, alive at this moment, free to breath, free to love, free to observe the moment, free to contemplate life and the afterlife, should tell you much.

You really don't have anything to worry about.

If you want to read something worthwhile and informative on this subject that should cause no concerns for you, try Michael Newton's "Journey of souls".

Final words to say, I think that the fact that you can start a thread with the sentence you did, is pretty awesome; personally, I would like to convey my own best wishes for your journey. May the love and the light of the one infinite creator surround you.

yes it seems the more I read, the more Im learning how there are trickster entities in the astral. Anyone there couls be masquerading as whomever given the nature of reality there. The journey of souls was a book I read first and it lifted my spirits. But I was somehow directed to another conspiracy/possible reality and its that the astral is heavily controlled by those ETs who are controlling earth. The argument is that the white light is nothing but a trap, a way of ensnaring souls into an realm which is perceived to be heavenly. Its apparently a vast illusion though, with ETs masquerading as 'the council of elders' and that pretty much everyone there is duped to be reincarnated for their souls' better good. this keeps us in a never ending cycle of suffering and reincarnating while those parasistc entities feed on our energies. The ONLY book which gave me hope, and some sources (robert monroe, wes penre, nick redfern) have questioned its authenticity.

Anyway, I will probably open a thread thread regarding that, it would be good to get a discussion going regarding the findings.

thank for reply, its much appreciated.

With love
Gareth

¤=[Post Update]=¤

Posted by onevoice (here)

Posted by Anchor (here)

Posted by gazap (here)
He says that he used automatic writing to get this information. The book was written in 1988.

Automatic writing is a low quality channeling technique, and it is very easy way for naughty entities to manipulate a channel using it. I would trust very little of any such material.

So far as I have learned, one gains the right to incarnate on this planet, at this time, by seniority of vibration. Do not under-estimate the degree to which your soul has evolved for you to even be here!

The very fact you are here on Earth, alive at this moment, free to breath, free to love, free to observe the moment, free to contemplate life and the afterlife, should tell you much.

You really don't have anything to worry about.

If you want to read something worthwhile and informative on this subject that should cause concerns for you, try Michael Newton's "Journey of souls".

Final words to say, I think that the fact that you can start a thread with the sentence you did, is pretty awesome; personally, I would like to convey my own best wishes for your journey. May the love and the light of the one infinite creator surround you.

You can download "Journey of Souls" here.

thank you. I have read it in book form but appreciate you putting the link here.

all the best

Gareth

[gazap]

Posted by palehorse (here)
Interesting book, seems like it is a compilation of the so many similar ideas out there.

I did read "The Spirits’ Book" by Allan Kardec it was written in the 18th century, it was when Spiritism officially came into the mainstream (not that many know about it, but it is popular in many countries). As the name states, it goes very deep into the realm of spirits/ghosts/demons/etc..

Another reading that I would recommend is the Buddhist cosmology, dive deep into it and you will see there is always a duality, you either ascend as a spirit or you descend does not matter at what level the being is, in rare cases you will re-born into the Manussaloka realm (Human realm), it happen when your job here is not yet done. In Tibetan Buddhism the arhat or buddha (someone illuminated) he or she (mostly men, don't ask me why, I dont' know) can perceive all beings arising, developing and passing away within diverse worlds and can tell precisely what state they were born in and what state they will be re-born. (That alone freak me out).

I will resume it for you: There is a process which all sentient beings migrate from one state into another (in Tibet they call it Bardo - If you can read, The Book of the Dead is a nice reading into the subject), and it depends on causes and conditions. Basically if you were evil in this life, you can expect to migrate (descend) into a less refined state, you will migrate (ascend) into a more refined state in accordance with your conduct in the previous life. It is quite logic.

All the studies are similar with a pinch of spice here and there to differentiate then from each other, but in essence they all say basically the same thing, I would have to read this book to confirm that.

Not a bible reader but I remember one passage in Romans and I just looked that up now, here it is:
"I appeal to you, brothers, to watch out for those who cause divisions and create obstacles contrary to the doctrine that you have been taught; avoid them."
Romans 16:17

This quite alone mean a lot of things, but since it is new testament text, and there lots more written about this subject before that, I would not hold tight with the bible contents, It was already heavily edited. Actually don't hold tight to any of these books before mentioned, they can be used as material for studies only.

The path of love and charity will be a better path in life. Do good and good will be with you, that is one certainty in life.

thank you for your reply and the suggested reading. Yes it seems the more someone researches this stuff, the deeper the rabbit hole goes. A yearning for an answer which will never come. There are so many accounts, beliefs and ideas it makes it impossible to formulate your own belief or opinion. I feel like I have lost that ability. My time is limited on this plane. I regret starting my research to some extent because my death will have been far more peaceful.

All the best to you
Gareth

[gazap]

Posted by Johnnycomelately (here)
Hi gazap. Good on you for looking at yourself and for planning your way forward.

With this drive to read, sounds like you are looking for “the truth”, a theory of life that you can be confident in knowing. As if it will somehow save you. Books can be useful, but book-learning has a bad name for a reason. For example, all my effort at passing the oilfield-drilling course that crew chiefs (Drillers) need got me was “why did you do that?” from one HR interview when I was applying for low man on the totem pole.

Spirit stuff even more so. We all have access to truth, it’s what we are. Ideas can help but truth is only known by doing. You have to prove to yourself that what you believe is true. Build your understanding on your own, small real steps at a time. Anything real will last. Don’t get ahead of yourself, work with what your days show you. Look within your own magnificent hidden self, for your best way forward.

Glad you regret reading that one, hope you can put it aside and neglect it. Cheers.

Hello and thank you for your reply. Yes Im trying to get some iota of 'truth' but the further I dive, the further it slips away. Im more confused now than when I begun. I unfortunately dont have much time to sit and reflect on what Ive read given my health situation. I dnot want to neglect something out of ignorace either. I just dont know what is 'real' or not anymore and my world has been shook. I feel as if Im been made to feel worthless and powerless. I wish to retain the peace of mind I had prior to this rollercoaster of a ride Ive been on...hopefully it will come.

All the best to you
Gareth