I wrote the following post 9 years ago on a different forum. Since then I became an atheist, again, and then an agnostic, again. But these awakenings and evolution of Mind and Spirit seem to take cyclic paths. I think I'm starting to believe in Spirituality again! Nothing really has been a catalyst to this... it was just a matter of time I guess. I'm still highly skeptical about many things, but the Spiritual realm is no longer a matter of doubt.
I wrote this 9 years ago in thread on different forum, about Hylozoics:
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The Deep Mysteries are worth exploring to those daring few who can not help to do otherwise. No matter how many times we turn away, from either doubt, fear, or bouts of lunacy even, the call to The Path never ceases.
In MY life, and I speak of this short one I'm living now for 35 years, an on-and-off again study of The Wisdom Tranditions has taken me through Heaven and Hell (though everyone can relate to this statement, I'm sure), but no matter how far I think I set myself back, or how much time I feel I've wasted, when I earnestly return, with renewed Faith and Fear, I see I've gained ground, even if just a half step.
Nothing has been more grounding to this apparently unstable person that I can be, than an honest and thoughtful approach to 'Esoterics', no matter what I've called it in the past.
And this long pursuit--long for me at but 15 years since a first 'awakening' in this life (who knows how long, REALLY, not I) is yielding fruits that I've only read about and long sought for some time: A Balanced Mind, Grounded and Mindful living, a Compassionate and Inclusive Heart, and a Vision of Unity that overwhelms me now.
I started a babe, then a child, then a boy who found God through Jesus; a teenager who cursed the Holy Trinity; and then a young man, agnostic who pleaded to The Heavens, "God! Whoever!, IF there be ANYONE OUT THERE, PLEASE ... Let Me KNOW WHAT THIS IS ALL ABOUT!!!" ...
... a man struck with a 'Quickening' that frightened Family and Friends, drugged by the Docs, consoled by the Mystics, deepened through Hindu Saints, Grounded by Buddha, confused and intrigued by Blavatsky, educated through Hermetics (any of this sound familiar?) ...
In Hylozoics I hit MY end, and turned away, overwhelmed by it's Infinite Depth ...
But, WOW! It RESONATED stronger than anything, especially the number system; and the terms were all right, but I didn't get far. The Aspirant turned his back... for some years.
Why? I have 'suspicions' ...
Have you ever been a Christian? Have you felt the Presence of The Holy Spirit? (I relate the following feeling through Christianity, but you may know it by a different name, it doesn't mater, the feeling is the same)
You know this feeling-- when you have an overwhelming one-pointed Thought of the Love and Power of GOD, and start to get a chill, and that 'pins and needles' feeling; you want to cry, you want to dance and sing, but mostly (I) want to cry. I don't know WHAT it is, and I don't care what Laurency or anyone might call it, but what I know is that since my return to The Path and renewal of my Faith, I feel it ANYTIME and EVERYTIME I turn my thoughts toward the Goodness of Life, having Faith that I have allied my Self with the Right in This World. I do it all day, and dwell there as long as I want. There's more going on too, but nothing as important as the Feeling I get and the CLARITY I have gained, perhaps re-gained (perhaps gifted!).
I've never been lifted up so, and it feels Fantastic.
But it's not because I'm a 'student' of Hylozoics or Theosophy, or anything, but because I took and dusted off the Gems I've found in ALL my searches, keeping only those that came clean and that reflect Purely, the Light From Above. For ME, within HYLOZOICS, I've found a place, My 'Everbecomming' Temple for where to set My True Gems, all together reflecting in a way that has Illumined THE PATH, and I can 'almost' see clearly My Place In This World. Almost.
The Mysteries remain, but I feel I've The Key, and as I rearrange my Gems, at Will, in My Own Personal Temple, the Glyphs of Old come alive with color, and little by little, in wondrous ways, tell me the stories of All Time.
So I thank Laurency, The Initiates of all times, creeds and globes, and I thank The HIGHEST OF HIGHS for bringing me into BEING.
I believe we'll all find Our Own Personal WAY, and yours may take you to the Pledieas! You may hear the very Voice of RA!
I pray that on Your journeys, whether you are At Rest In The Kingdom already, or still feel like a young person who's just glimpsed a flicker of a Ray of Truth in some far off direction; I PRAY that you take TRUTH ALONE with you. Seek and find Those Glorious Illuminating Gems of Truth that which, only after an thorough examination, honestly weighing them up, with Patience and mindfulness, against your heart of hearts; take the Gems that do not crumble to dust, but those that stand the test and shine your Perfected Inner Reflection back at YOU.
GUARD YOU MIND FROM DECEPTION! (selfishness MIGHT not be Natural, but MAY just be a painful Illusion we HAVE to, and I believe CAN overcome.)
God Bless,
or I could just be a manic-depressive ;P
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Now, I am Bipolar. So keep that in mind. I've been medicated for 7 years straight, so I don't think I'm having an episode.
Peace
Kalamos, formerly known as Calamus