I don't care to learn anything anymore.

[Mike Gorman]

I know this is probably of no value -but I hear you Doug, I have always sensed that we are of a similar type, regardless of individual uniqueness which I am sure prevails here also, but this feeling of having reached the conclusion that all is vanity, all is futile and lost, like Hamlet concluding he no longer feels an affinity with humanity, the black sun maliciously shines its anti-light! I too have been a continual seeker and learner, I am a musician and philosopher, Epistemology has been my own tendency, tapping on the idols and statues of our civilization, checking for that hollow echo! Contrary to all expectations I became a technologist and ICT Engineer, that is how I have made my living since 1995, yes I hear you mate, I wish Nihilism was not the outcome, but look at what they are doing, deliberate destruction: surely it won't come to this, but seeing is believing eh?
t come to this?

[grapevine]

I hear you too, Doug; I see the plaintive, battle-weary notes between your words, which could be likened to the thoughts and feelings of the Vietnam vets returning from years of conflict. You wrote that you don't want advice or to be told, and I respect that. HOWEVER, it would be a real shame if you shut down now because we're nearly there at the good part.

My take is that that all this chaos and upheaval is caused by us: you, me, them (humanity), who are waking up now really quickly, to the extent that it's causing this tsunami which has now gathered a force of its own as it gathers pace. To survive you'll need to create distance - which is what you're doing now by turning away, but slowly, and thus allowing the negatives to curl their tendrils around you.

As has been suggested, your wonderful creativity is causing this vulnerability, so why not use it as a defence - and paint it out! Paint what you're feeling and let it all out. You don't have to show it to anyone, you can turn it to the wall or cover it with a sheet. Whatever it takes. But please don't give in, not now, not ever, because trite though it sounds, we are many and they are few.

[Harmony]

I enjoy reading everyone take on the world situation and how wise and wonderful all who have shared their feelings and wisdom they have gained. The willingness to try and bring relief to us all in this sharing is overwheming sometimes. We should never give up those human traits which are what matters.

I would like to say that if you are a member and may feel disagreement about issues, just take a little time out, don't worry if your opinion differs, you know in your heart where you are on your journey, please don't leave and stop sharing the wisdom you can share here.

[HopSan]

Posted by Mike (here)

I've left many of my previous interests behind, for the most part anyway. Not out of spite or anything, but simply because I've exhausted it all. Occasionally I'll try to revisit them, hoping it might spark something in me. But it just bores me mostly.

I had a teacher of visual arts, a local well-known prodigy, who thought I had what it takes to be like her, and even better. I easily did what she expected, but it all was to me as if I'd already done all that (in a previous life?). It was almost boring. As a mathematician doing adding.

Instead, a large part of my interest turned slowly to music, and singing. In my forties I began to sing in choir with happy fanaticism, as if that were something that was not yet done. I am still not fulfilled, and feel like much of unbelievable happiness (of finding beauty) is still ahead.

We have purposes, and perhaps sometimes what was planned, is done!

[ I was born not a beginner singer: I am told that as two-year old I made adults laugh in shops by talking with bass voice. 40++ years later I am again a bass. And: I have sang Mozart's Requiem and C-minor mass (choir parts, difficult and fast), etc., with minimal training, and without any understanding of theory. ]

[Frankie Pancakes]

“So it seems as though this part of us that is living a life on Earth is only a small piece or splinter of a much larger us. That we are many rather than one, or rather pieces of a more complex whole. We are only able to focus on the splinter we perceive as our totality. That is a good thing, because if we were aware of the complexity of it we would not be able to function in this world or reality. We are only able to see the facade that masks a much larger picture. Only now are we being allowed to peek behind the veil.”
― Dolores Cannon, The Convoluted Universe, Book 1

“Yes, but negative is an illusion. Negative and positive are both construction material. Negative is evolutionary catalyst. D: But you know humans consider something negative as being bad. C: They should reword it to evolutionary catalyst. We have been given on purpose these catalysts for evolution. These things that appear negative... these things are on purpose.”
― Dolores Cannon, The Three Waves of Volunteers and the New Earth

[thepainterdoug]

Thanks you everyone in the P Avalon family who contributed to my post, verging on rant. I read all , every comment and feel everyone added something of value for me. this is more informing and substantive than any family or real life friend will do and it is one of the main reasons i so value this forum.
many many thanks to you all.
pd

[Delight]

I don't want to learn anything anymore because there is a never ending draw to learn more and it is all mental and never FULL filling.

Actually what I want IS, to be FULL of my authentic self. This intention is yielding fruit. Life is its own reward.

However, one does have a mind and since it tells a story anyway, I want to tell a story that is MYTHIC for my self.

I love chickens. They are so vulnerable in this world. Everything seeks to eat them...hawks, fox, raccoons, possums and some dogs. This year I have lost many. Then I did buy some pullets who are about 3-4 months old. I know on rainy days, the fox comes out so yesterday in the morning before work I decided to let the babies out with the others so they could be getting flockish. There is a fence around the old barn yard.

Yesterday just as I was about to leave to see a client at the spa, the chickens were going CRAZY. A raccoon was in with them. I started crying when I could not grab the babies to put them safely in cages. Then I called work sobbing to say I'd miss my first appointment.

I was so upset because I live alone, have no partner, can't keep the chickens safe all by myself and balance living with all these creatures. I felt helpless.

I managed to corrall the young ones and open the gate to everyone else. After work I bought a Have-a-heart trap. My plan was to keep all the babies in their cages till the raccoon was captured and just let them out a couple of hours before dark.

I realized The thing is, through yesterday I was not energetically connecting to Source, turning all this over. I KNOW when we do just connect and INCLUDE Source in what is happening, we GET HELP.

This morning, I went to the barn and one chicken baby escaped when I was changing their water. It is the leader, the most assertive and she PUSHED her way out and would not be caught. OK, I said...I'll go and get some more water and by then she will be ready.

ALMOST as soon as I had walked away, I heard a horrendous squealing and looked and saw a HUGE dog, brown, a kind of hound eating the baby chick. I was FLUMMOXED. I NEVER have seen this dog, hardly seen any dogs in my yard.

What did this mean? I did not cry. I was shocked and turned it over to God. Later today while giving a massage, I had an insight that this issue is one for me about
death
about being angry about death
being angry that everything eats everything.

The question was: could I begin to accept what I am experiencing as being of NO IMPORTANCE. Could I be nonchalant about this realm having bodies die?

Then, am I taking on some kind of burden about the way things are...meaning death and predator/prey, making them important to solve as IF I could solve this dilemma.
Can one be true to the immortal LIFE and mourn every body passing. I do not know that makes sense. I actually laughed inside when I had the insight that MAYBE it be ok to just accept death being in my reality. Now, this whole question was for ME and that is the point.

We are each dealing with ourselves. IMO we can realize that we don't need to learn anything MORE to deal with our lives. We only feel we must IF IMO we are not viscerally connected to Source. Source has been all around me when I have dealt with my life. Death issues like putting my dog to sleep and losing loved ones. I have been so angry all along about this issue and IMO SOURCE was there to support me always AND I did not access the help and chose to suck it up...whatver on my own.

I heard a commotion tonight and went and found a raccoon in the trap. I took the trap to the river and relleased the raccoon. I consider this as evidence that I am fully able to implemment any action which arises when needed and that SOURCE actually empowers me to have insight and GAIN GREATER ENERGY rather than leak it out. I feel very FULL at the moment of experiencing a real life, a true life and FULL life, not learned, just done.

[Agape]

Terrible ::: I think we all hear each other on the "bottomline" or nearly before the limit closes to zero ( but in reality it never does ).

Universe that has exhausted its possibilities and options ? Starts crashing rapidly to itself , in infinite velocity then passing through itself , then no one knows what happens ?

Heard that one Dough but it's unlikely to happen to you any soon.

You are still young and the Way is long...



🪷

[thepainterdoug]

Delight/ thanks for sharing your difficult and solitary experience. I can understand the turmoil and upset in this impossible to accept scenario. I have a friend who has chickens as well, and struggles with this continual life and death dance everyday. But I never thought about it as I have, now that I read your post. This giving up to god, the universe and what is ,seems so counter intuitive to our clinging and clutching to our preservation of our own lives we are so designed to protect.
It's exhausting, and it just seems that getting out of this physical life will be so rewarding.


Agape. thanks, its all in play I guess and I will continue to shed another skin each day

[tessie999]

Big Hugs to All !

[RunningDeer]

Posted by Mike (here)
Speaking of writing, you should post what you wrote here on Substack, if you haven't already. It's good stuff, and people will resonate with it, just like they are here.

FYI: Doug's Substack

Mike, do you mind sharing your substack address?

~ Doug or Mike, let me know if you prefer I alter this post

[thepainterdoug]

Im fine with it. Read my mending fences rant, "A want to come together"

[Satori]

Posted by thepainterdoug (here)
Im fine with it. Read my mending fences rant, "A want to come together"

Doug, i just saw your OP. Wow! Outstanding. I tip my hat to you, sir.

[DNA]

Source: https://youtube.com/watch?v=38FMDG7tiA4

Sometimes you gotta let go.
Society is a effing train wreck.
It's going to happen.
It was foretold and nothing can stop it now.


Just try and be at the right place at the right time when it does.

I don't worry about learning for fixing but rather I learn for prognostication.

To Nostradamous this sh1t before it happens. Forewarned is forearmed..

[thepainterdoug]

Dna/ thanks that scene is insane! for me, the answer is somewhere in the middle but the point well taken.

[Vicus]

For The _ pain _doug

https://projectavalon.net/forum4/sho...=1#post1619796

[Michel Leclerc]

Posted by HopSan (here)

Posted by Mike (here)

I've left many of my previous interests behind, for the most part anyway. Not out of spite or anything, but simply because I've exhausted it all. Occasionally I'll try to revisit them, hoping it might spark something in me. But it just bores me mostly.

I had a teacher of visual arts, a local well-known prodigy, who thought I had what it takes to be like her, and even better. I easily did what she expected, but it all was to me as if I'd already done all that (in a previous life?). It was almost boring. As a mathematician doing adding.

Instead, a large part of my interest turned slowly to music, and singing. In my forties I began to sing in choir with happy fanaticism, as if that were something that was not yet done. I am still not fulfilled, and feel like much of unbelievable happiness (of finding beauty) is still ahead.

We have purposes, and perhaps sometimes what was planned, is done!

[ I was born not a beginner singer: I am told that as two-year old I made adults laugh in shops by talking with bass voice. 40++ years later I am again a bass. And: I have sang Mozart's Requiem and C-minor mass (choir parts, difficult and fast), etc., with minimal training, and without any understanding of theory. ]

I have sang Mozart's Requiem and C-minor mass


ah.. the best, the very best.. may you soon sing Ein Deutsches Requiem...

singing well opens and balances all the chakras
balancing all the chakras enables us to sing well

singing well blesses with the gift of tongues
the gift of tongues enables us to sing well

I could not resist adding this – may you enjoy it all: the Bach Collegium of Stuttgart led by Helmuth Rilling, with great soloists, in 1988, in Mozart’s “Mass in C minor”, which Mozart actually did not complete – he finished only the Kyrie/Christe and the Gloria... but... (hear for yourselves):

the Sublime (a philosophical category!)

[Matthew]

Yeah that's what I wanted to say but DNA said it better. The world isn't getting better it's getting worser and worser. I'm a fully activated Christian now, just biding my time, prospering if anything. We might get some wins yet but I'm not optimistic for the medium/long term. Because I feel that way I don't want to watch every detail of a car-crash in slow motion. I've accepted the noble truth of the horrors and lies we live in, I don't need to accept any more. If novel horrors come along I'll accept them with the best grace I can, but I think I've become aware of a fair (or unfair) range of lies and horrors to accept the ****ty truth. It plays a part in spiritual growth but it's not all of it. As wise as a serpent and gentle as a dove. I am neither. Exchange serpent for Labrador, and dove for wild racoon, then you come close. So many deaths, maimings, torcher, wars, state fraud, lies, abuse. Nothing's feeling new.

Source: https://youtube.com/watch?v=fkXg-EQt5VE

[thepainterdoug]

Michel/ I cannot sing! but I wrote a new uplifting song. will share soon

Vicus perfect! thank you!!

Matthew, you said it well

[HopSan]

Posted by Michel Leclerc (here)

Posted by HopSan (here)

I have sang Mozart's Requiem and C-minor mass

ah.. the best, the very best.. may you soon sing Ein Deutsches Requiem...

singing well opens and balances all the chakras
balancing all the chakras enables us to sing well

singing well blesses with the gift of tongues
the gift of tongues enables us to sing well

Wow, you obviously know the delirium of greatest music... I'll add some points:

1) In choir practice (here 3 hours, 18-21) time disappears. Every worry in the world is not there. Often it is difficult to get sleep after that. Like a manic boost. Others in my choirs tell about the same.

2) The greatest music brings the greatest joy. At best, a concert is a combination of terrible scare of making a mistake, finding crazy madness of not caring at all, and the maximal joy of seeing the audience in happy tears.

3) Music is something almost 'paranormal', perhaps the highest of art forms. But my opinion is of course coloured.

"Ein Deutsches Requiem" is unknown to me and rarely sang here. Thanks for the hint!