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Thread: A day in the mountains: a tale of forgiveness

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    United States Avalon Member Valerie Villars's Avatar
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    Default Re: A day in the mountains: a tale of forgiveness

    Thanks Bill. What a great story. We are, after all, only human. Sometimes we are super human.
    "The only true currency in this bankrupt world is what we share with someone when we are uncool." From the movie "Almost Famous""l "Let yourself stand cool and composed before a million universes." Walt Whitman

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    Moderator (on Sabbatical) Joe from the Carolinas's Avatar
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    Default Re: A day in the mountains: a tale of forgiveness

    Bill thank you so much for sharing this experience. It can be difficult for outdoors folks to talk about the inner struggle when things turn south, and it is reassuring to see you discuss it. It's a struggle that introductory level training glances over. The moment during a remote adventure when 'everything's great' changes to 'everything has completely taken a nose dive' can be jarring.

    The thing needed the most at that point (TIME to process, to think) is exactly the thing that is missing. You guys must have been incredibly tired and drained, hanging there in the rain after such an experience. Thank goodness you had such familiarity and experience with the mechanics of climbing to fully express your instinct to save him, and then later process with him what was happening on your end

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    UK Avalon Founder Bill Ryan's Avatar
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    Default Re: A day in the mountains: a tale of forgiveness



    The mods have just been talking between themselves about the balance between fear and action. For those who've not read this story, it's about a powerful and dramatic formative experience I had when I was still quite young, and lived to tell the tale.

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    Romania Avalon Member Anka's Avatar
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    Default Re: A day in the mountains: a tale of forgiveness

    Quote Posted by Bill Ryan (here)
    Quote Posted by rgray222 (here)
    Bill thanks for sharing

    I also read Richard's butterfly lady story and commented on it because he shared a piece of his heart and soul in that story. You now have done the same with this story.

    I personally think if PA is to grow and gain strength, it will be from posts such as this one. When one shows us a bit of their soul and is willing to step from the shadows we all grow exponentially.
    OK - here's another.

    A different kind of story. Think Cliffhanger (with Sylvester Stallone) - with a happier outcome.

    When I was 26, I went to the Alps for the first time with my friend, Dave (a real but suitably anonymous name). We went to the Dolomites in Northern Italy to climb Sassolungo:




    And this is what I looked like then.





    Dave was a year older than me, and had been to the Alps once before. So he was the expert. I deferred to his experience.

    We climbed the mountain, and reached the top at sunset. I think it was the first British ascent of the thing by the route we did. We were traveling very light. Dave had explained to me that saving weight was of utmost importance. So we had almost nothing with us. Between us we had one little rucksack, a couple of bars of chocolate, one water bottle, one compass, one head torch (flashlight), our climbing gear, and that was about all.

    With a mountain like that, the only way down is to rappel (abseil) - over and over again. We had to descend about 1,500 ft (450 m) using two 150 ft (45 m) ropes. To do that, you tie the two ropes together, loop them round a strong anchor point in the rock, slide down the doubled rope, pull one end down, and then repeat the procedure 10 times. To make sure you don't slide off the end of the doubled rope, you always tie a knot in it: just like with a thread when sewing.

    Should be simple in principle. You just have to take care. All rock climbers reading this will understand.



    All was well for two or three rappels. Then it got dark. No problem. Dave put the head torch on and went down first after I had already attached myself to the descent rope. He would call up "OK! I'm safe!" when he'd reached the bottom of the rope, and was on another little ledge where we could repeat the process. I would then feel my way down, although I could not see. It was okay.

    Then the torch bulb blew.

    It was very dark, we were half way down a very steep cliff, and we had no spare bulb. I swore, and started looking around to see how we could spent the night on the ledge in some semblance of survival-comfort until the sun rose in the morning.

    But Dave was fumbling with the ropes. "What are you doing?" I said.

    "I'm going down", he replied. "It's not far."

    Sure enough, our little tent was down there on the glacier below us, just a few ropelengths away. Dave sold me the idea of feeling our way down the rock for a warm night's sleep - even though we could not see.

    "What could go wrong?" he asked.

    Well.

    He went down with no torch, felt around, found a little ledge, secured himself, and called up. "OK! I'm off the rope!" he yelled.

    "OK!" I yelled back, and carefully descended to join him. Clearly this was going to be okay. Dave then re-arranged the doubled rope, and started off down again. We'd be in our tent in maybe 45 minutes.

    Then: "Bill!"

    "Yes! You OK?"

    "Bill! I've slid off the end of the rope!"

    Dave sounded calm. Obviously he'd come to the end of the rope, slid off the end, and was on a nice big ledge waiting for me to come and join him.

    "Good!"

    "Bill! I've slid off the end of the rope! I'm hanging by my fingertips and can't hold on much longer!"

    His voice was no longer calm. I immediately realized what had happened. He'd forgotten to tie the knot in the end of the rope which prevented this from ever happening. He was on a sheer cliff face, had fallen free, and was hanging by his fingertips in the dark.

    The situation had suddenly become critical. It was completely out of control. We had no flashlight. Dave had fallen off the end of the rope. It was pitch black. The doubled rope, attached to the only anchor point, was above him. There was absolutely nothing that could be done.

    "Help me! I can't hang on much longer!"

    His voice was desperate. He was facing death within seconds.

    My mind raced. There was nothing whatsoever I could do. If I stayed on that ledge, I could survive the night on my own. I'd be found the next day. Dave had blown it. He'd paid the price of a bad decision. It happens in climbing. All mountaineers know the risks, and the rules that must not be broken.

    Let him die.


    That thought lasted a fraction of a second. Then I realized:

    He's my friend: I have to help.


    I hauled up the rope, tied the missing knot, threw it down, and rappelled down almost at free-fall speed. I banged against the knot and Dave was down there in the dark below my feet. I could barely see him. He was hanging on with his final strength.

    With one hand I fastened together a 6 foot daisy-chain of nylon slings and karabiners (steel snaplinks), attached one end to my harness, and lowered the other end to him. It was all I had.

    It just reached him. He let go with one hand, attached the karabiner to a thin loop of string on the side of his harness designed only to hold lightweight equipment - just as he fell off.

    It all held.

    The rest of the night was one I prefer to forget. We were now dangling like two spiders on the end of the rope, unable to move, unable to see. It started to rain, and the steep shallow gully we were in turned into a waterfall. At about 4 am, I didn't know if we were going to make it. We'd run out of energy, run out of jokes.

    But then the sun rose. It always does. What had happened was clear. Unable to see a thing the previous night, we'd started off down the wrong part of the wall, where there were no ledges to rest on at all. It could never have worked.

    Suddenly, on the glacier maybe two miles away, I could see a group of tiny figures. It was another mountaineering team. I got to do what no mountaineer ever does unless in extremis: blow my whistle. It's like calling 911.

    The little figures all stopped - and then started moving with urgency. Within an hour they were with us. They were a group of aspirant guides, with a master guide, on a mountain rescue training trip. They were delighted. We were winched up, and then down, like sacks of potatoes.

    We spent the rest of our week's holiday eating pizza and going for walks in the meadows. We were too shocked to discuss what had happened. I never ever told Dave my dreadful, awful secret: that for a split second I was going to save myself and let him die.

    I lived with that secret for ten years, and wrestled with it silently and privately. Was I weak? Was I selfish? Was I a coward? What did it mean?

    Only many years later did I come to understand that this is how the body-mind tries to protect itself, like an animal. The spiritual being that I am made the decision to override. There was nothing to be ashamed of.

    Ten years after, I again found myself climbing with Dave - this time on Ben Nevis, in Scotland. We had a wonderful day that went without a hitch. At the very end, walking down to the road, as happy as horses, I decided to tell him what had really happened.

    He listened with intent. When I finished my confession, he said to me:

    "Bill, forgive yourself. You saved my life."

    A perfect example of letting life live to the full, in good choices first and foremost for others!

    We do not have to wonder what choices we should make but we must now choose what to ask for ourselves:
    What if you allowed yourself to let go of your fears? How would your life become different?

    Escalating life we ​​practice the continuity of the will.

    A mountain of fear can become a mountain of responsibility for any spiritual being.
    The responsibility begins with experiencing joy, a life full of meaning and to validate individual freedom we build with moral courage, the value of the unique work of paradigmatic art in equilibrium, in which our only participatory and conscious role is:

    Emancipation of the awakening force of the spirit and soul, the great epochal awakening, the transformation of a cultural vision of consciousness, the exaltation of the spiritual revelation in this critical moment of evolution, the preservation of the sovereignty of our free will and the implication of our existence of all and only together in the magnificent life cycle and love in the gigantic and sensational steps of an entire cosmos and beyond.

    Climb every day a mountain, fight for the joy of those around you, because, between the determinism of facing the "shadow" and the tension of the contradictions in society, there is the well-documented exception of our free spirit!

    Listen to the song of your soul and stay in every second lovers of people and beautiful!

    LIFE begins where fear ends! -Osho
    And all this to be just human.

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    United States Avalon Member Mike's Avatar
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    Default Re: A day in the mountains: a tale of forgiveness

    Excellent story. I've read it many times now, and it never ceases to enthrall me.

    Maybe a dumb question for you Bill. It's to do with rappelling down a mountain:

    After your partner has descended the rope, and after you descend, how on earth do you remove the anchor from the rock when it's so high above you now?

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    United States Avalon Member Denise/Dizi's Avatar
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    Default Re: A day in the mountains: a tale of forgiveness

    What a hair raising adventure! I am glad that you both made it to safety...

    I think that anyone with a rational mind, would immediately think the same thing that you did... Perhaps in a different way, but the end thought, no matter how fleeting, would be that he was more than likely going to die, and any extreme attempts to save him would take two lives, not just one.. And was that really fear? Or just a quick analysis of the true dire situation, with a rush of adrenaline involved??

    It probably wasn't a self preservation thought, but more a realistic analysis of the situation, in the most condensed time frame imaginable. And of course you immediately tried to figure out how to save him, and did just that.

    It reminds me of people that see their kids under vehicles, they panic and gain super human strength and suddenly lift cars up... Thinking their child is dead or dying...

    Guilt at that point for having a thought, should have been washed away the moment you both safely touched down. The human mind is a strange thing... What we think, and what we choose to actually do, can often times be at opposite ends of the scale for various reasons. And often times we are shocked that our minds "Went there" at all...

    But I am glad he said what he did, to put you at ease after all of those years of grappling with that guilt. Certainly you never should have carried that with you for so long, as you absolutely had nothing to feel guilty about.

    Glad you went up again... Hope this time you decided what to bring for yourself ...

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    UK Avalon Founder Bill Ryan's Avatar
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    Default Re: A day in the mountains: a tale of forgiveness

    Quote Posted by Mike (here)
    Excellent story. I've read it many times now, and it never ceases to enthrall me.

    Maybe a dumb question for you Bill. It's to do with rappelling down a mountain:

    After your partner has descended the rope, and after you descend, how on earth do you remove the anchor from the rock when it's so high above you now?
    Ha. Good question.

    What's supposed to happen is that the rope is doubled, passing through a karabiner (a metal snaplink) which is in turn attached to the anchor, whatever that might be.

    So if the rope is 50m (165 ft) long, which is standard,, then the most you can rappel in one go is half that, i.e. 25m. Standard (automatic!!) practice is to tie a knot at the end, so you can't slide off the rope.

    When you get to a safe place 20-25m below the anchor (maybe a ledge to stand on, and/or a place to insert another anchor), then you untie the knot and pull on one end of the rope. Then the whole rope falls down to you, and you can repeat the entire process. But the anchor you left above you has to stay there, as there's no way to retrieve that.

    One thing that means is that you have to have enough anchors to make it all the way down what might be a very long descent. There are hair-raising tales of people having to resort to using their shoelaces, or other desperate inprovisations, to create anchors when all their other equipment ran out.

    Rappelling is very often the most dangerous part of mountaineering, because (compared to holding on to the rock with your hands and feet) there's so little control: you have to depend on the anchor, and if it falls out or breaks that's the end of the game.

    A chance rockfall can slice the taut rope in two (and that has many times happened to unfortunate people), and that's the end of the game as well. And sometimes the rope can get stuck (i.e. it won't come down when you pull one end to retrieve it), and then that's a whole other problem as you have to climb up again (if you can!) to get it back.

    One time my rope got stuck, and I could only climb up part way to rescue it because it was all overhanging. So I had to cut my beautiful expensive rope with a knife — always have a knife in your pocket when rappelling! — and then continue the descent using an even shorter rope, which meant more repeated rappels, more lost anchors, more danger, and so on. It's all a pretty dicey business.


    ~~~


    Here's one of the most epic, tragic mountaineering tales of all time. It's also a story about the will to live and what happens when one gives up.

    This is what happened to Toni Kurz, who died on the Eiger in 1936. All his team mates had died in a terrible storm or were hit by rockfall, and there was an enormous rescue attempt to try to save him, as the only one left. He was frozen to the bone, had already been hanging there all night, and could only use a couple of fingers on one hand to do anything at all.

    To save himself, he had to tie two ropes together.... which he miraculously managed to do, taking him many hours as everyone watched helplessly from below. In the end, he lowered himself down to his rescuers, inch by inch, and was VERY nearly there.

    Then he came across another knot, which he could not move past. He was stuck, just hanging there, almost within arm's reach of safety, but no-one could do a thing to help.

    Loudly, he cried out: "It is finished." He gave up his heroic fight, slumped on the rope, and died.

    This is the most iconic photo in all of mountaineering history:

    Last edited by Bill Ryan; 6th March 2024 at 09:19.

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    UK Avalon Founder Bill Ryan's Avatar
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    Default Re: A day in the mountains: a tale of forgiveness


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    Default Re: A day in the mountains: a tale of forgiveness

    Bill,
    That is a deep and personal experience you shared. What I perceive is that you experienced a crucible moment. The decision was imminent, and you faced your shadow self. Which is a vital part of ourselves somehow. The better angel in you won the test. You had an opportunity to invigor Spirit over physical, and your spirit won. Your decision was not reasonable, made no sense, was not logical. It was spiritual. That's the beauty.
    I will share something deeply personable. Most of my life, I have had the impression that I once had a crucible moment,in another time (life). And I failed. I'll stop pussyfooting around. I believe, for whatever reason, that I was involved in the Holocaust. And that I was on the wrong side. And that I turned my head. And I carry that reasonance with me in this life. I keep waiting for a crucible moment in this life... actually hoping for it. To give me another chance to do the right thing. I believe this deep inside. I don't know why. But its there. These are strange things for me to say: its a measure of my trust and faith in this community that I share this. Bill, you really got to reach deep inside yourself at that time. You pulled the gold from inside you. Surely you find courage and strength and peace knowing that's who you became in the crucible.
    I don't know how I missed this thread before.

    Many thanks.
    Pamela

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