Reconnecting with alienated friends and family

[Christine]

Posted by Free Will (here)
"So here's one of many problems that can arise. When one walks away from an entire family -- and someone one feels compelled to, even to save oneself from physical damage or worse -- one leaves behind not only the toxic enemies, but also old, dear friends who may be part of the same family package.

I welcome hearing from anyone who's found themselves wrestling with this dilemma." quote from Bill..

This thread really hurts my heart and is veritably intense..it stirred up so much in me i requested to be 'unsubscribed' just a few hours ago, thinking for no good reason at all that my heart would feel better if i left here too..and also..i was/am afraid i might share some of what i have been through in this regard, and afraid of the possible consequences of sharing such a thing..anyway..then i saw this post from Bill, and for some reason it made me want to stay..so i just asked if it is ok that i not be 'unsubscribed' ..that's all i got for now.

Have to keep fighting 'the fear'.

Hello Free Will,

I am so glad you decided to stay. Every time you make a choice to stand up to fear you defeat it. Courage and a vulnerable heart. Hard to hold those two together but these are the badges of a spiritual warrior.

I can truly say to you that there is nothing that you have experienced, no matter how horrible it seems, that most of us here on Avalon and elsewhere would not understand.

I will join WCBD in celebrating your victory today...

Christine

[astrid]

I was one that walked away from everyone, actually i did it twice,
once with my family, and again with a whole network of friends.
Both times were hard choices, but i choose my sanity over staying.

And frankly i have grown and grown and grown since i left.
But there comes a time when you need to resolve that which is unresolved.

You see you can walk out of a situation, but if things are unresolved they can still have
a hold on you, energetically, psychologically, and can still effect your life in small or larger ways.
Ie.. you avoid things that are reminders, like certain types of people.. triggers.. etc..

The big secret here is that its all about you and not about them.
you can change how you feel about a situation, and that is the key...
Even though you have removed yourself from the said group,
you most likely will still feel those feelings. So therefore its still with you,
this is key.. as understanding that these are your emotions, bring the power back into your hands...
And thus you can work to shift how you feel about a certain person, situation...
so it's no longer in your energy field.

Also when you understand that we select our families for very particular lessons , it puts a whole
new spin on things. Think of it like they all have their roles to play, to trigger certain aspects so that
you can work through those issues and grow. For me that understanding was critical to move out of the
victim stance, of "them" doing something to me..
It comes down to gaining more tools to respond in new and better ways to the environment as it
presents itself. So next time a repeat event happens.. and it does over and over, until we get it,
we pick a new way of responding..

So yes.. i walked out, with very few skills, frankly, due to my whole linage of not being well
equiped themselves, and set out to gain those skills for myself. Which i have done, and am
continuing to do.. so that on dealing now with the same issues, i respond in new and much
healthier ways. Same event, totally different outcome..

It's kind of like re- parenting yourself, in a way....
And when we heal our selves we can then go back and effect HUGE healing
for the whole group, that is the ultimate in healing,

Like i have an ex boyfriend who was very abusive, now we are friends and he
comes to me for healing work, so the whole situation was completely turned
around, but yes it took a long time , and was hard work. BUT as a result i am
a totally different human being, as is he.

[astrid]

And to add to this.. the place i started was with all this, was in processing my
emotions how i felt about things, i was totally overwhelmed to the point that
i was paralysed, and in constant fear. To me my experience of the world had
not been a friendly and safe place,
so that was the belief i was viewing everything through, so of course it was
all i was seeing..

That was my starting place, finding that courage to work through these feeling
rather than running, hiding and denying them. The thing is, when you withdraw
from everyone and you are still feeling like crap, it kind of has to be about you
then.. lol, you get the the point where you have to face yourself with no
distractions.

Without that self honesty its kind of not possible to get to the root of things.
The next step for me was to stop this self berating, and treat myself as though i
was my own best friend. This type of deep work does require , in my experience,
to treat yourself with the utmost compassion and kindness.
For that i established a witness position, where i was being a compassionate
observer to my life, so that i could then think and act more clearly, and not
through the emotionally charged lens, that had been my entire life until that point.
I still do this to this day, its especially useful in helping others and not getting
caught up in drama.

These types of shifts in perspectives, and that's really all they are, are the sorts
of things that can shift a life around in an instant, and i must add, are vital tools
leading into this time we are all in. Detached compassion for me is a must.

But the bottom line here is really to see it all as our evolution,
first on that individual, more personal level, then as part of the group
then as helping with the collective.

All things being holographic, heal yourself, and you can heal the world,
it's that simple.

[deridan]

Bill, you the one who knows how to excess past lives. From what I understand, it took some indepth training in techniques only available to those who have been training in that[?] new age religion.
I don't think i have enough spiritual space on my plate for such an exercise ....(if the world ends up tanking in 2014, i would not have even had enough time then to have what these call a normal life)
...though perhaps, this is my suggestion. Perhaps you can come up with your own short course
(from astrology, I've had a birth moon in Cancer explain everything from apparent coldness in romantic relations, to a apparent past life which i lived very hard but had come to zero fruition)

[nomadguy]

Posted by deridan (here)
Bill, you the one who knows how to excess past lives. From what I understand, it took some indepth training in techniques only available to those who have been training in that[?] new age religion.
I don't think i have enough spiritual space on my plate for such an exercise ....(if the world ends up tanking in 2014, i would not have even had enough time then to have what these call a normal life)
...though perhaps, this is my suggestion. Perhaps you can come up with your own short course
(from astrology, I've had a birth moon in Cancer explain everything from apparent coldness in romantic relations, to a apparent past life which i lived very hard but had come to zero fruition)

Many opinions may vary on the subject,
however I feel you can take a small 10-20 minute pause before you sleep each night to set this in motion.
Ask yourself a question then fall off to sleep. It's that simple.
(I got this technique from reading Edgar Cayce's book on Dreams.)

or to give you an example,

For a brief moment imagine in your own mind,
What will 2014 be like?..
Then ask yourself,
What would I like 2014 to be like with the best possible outcome?
(I find this to be a great tool, it helps me reset my own intentions)

Also I agree and would like to hear about any techniques for learning of our past lives as well.

I think some of our karmic battles are caused by this and our families are a big part of it. It is almost like we are in the same karmic battle only with the roles switched around. For example some of my family members say that the last time we were together here(earth-plane) I was dad -or the eldest.
Adding that in the last go round there may have been violence, and so this time I am doing my best to keep it civil. It is hard to stand your ground sometimes.
So with that being said I would like to add this small piece of advice,

"Follow your heart and always trust your gut"

Carry On ~

[Meesh]

Powerful! This discussion is so powerful!

After the death of my mother-in-law, about 9 years ago, my husband and I took a 2 year “vacation” from his family, a temporary breather to sort things out and heal. During that time, I had a lucid dream where my sister-in-law told me: “You promised me that you wouldn’t leave me this time.” Well, that certainly caught my attention in a hurry!

This experience confirmed what I’ve always felt—that we choose our families before we are born--And that we choose them from a position of strength. Unfortunately, once we actually incarnate, we soon forget how strong we are, and why we chose as we did. Well, at least until we begin to wake up.

[spiritwind]

I used to not even be able to talk about my early life, parental figures, and upbringing without getting all emotional and teary eyed. I guess sometimes I still do but for entirely different reasons now. I was in and out of foster homes and given up for adoption to a family of Italian farming Jehovah’s Witnesses. My adopted father was physically abusive and they were all emotionally abusive. I had a chip on my shoulder as big as the state of Texas growing up and was basically just plain pissed for a very long time. I never knew my biological father. I only heard he was short, Jewish, wore glasses, was older than my mother, and was an attorney in the Brentwood, CA area. Not much to go on. All of them have passed away now. I was able to go back and visit my adopted mother before the brain tumor got so bad she didn’t know who I was anymore. It was great because I really wanted her to know, if not by actual words, at least energetically, that I was okay. I turned out alright despite everyone’s rather grim expectations of me and I wanted her to know that I have no regrets. You could see the intense emotion in her face when she answered the door and, with a choked up voice, said she thought maybe I was dead. Wow. And here I was with my teenage daughter and husband and looking very happy with my life. I assured her that I was not only alive but doing very well. Not maybe financially very successful, but in every other way that matters I had done the work and healed. My biological mother I have made peace with too. I see her for the strong warrior woman she was who herself had not been nurtured and didn’t have a clue. Over a 2 year period in the 90’s she slowly deteriorated due to Lou Gehrig disease and taught me so much about how to die gracefully and courageously I will be forever grateful. And I could go on. I also have a sister who I have had to wait over 10 years to see some sign that she is now ready to move on from her perceived hurts of the past and maybe we’ll have a semblance of a relationship again. And yes, there are some people who have been so toxic for me that I have had to love them from a distance while working on my own ability to let go of expectations and detach. My heart goes out to all who still have to live without any sign of resolution in regards to biological family members. It is also heartwarming to see the sometimes miraculous healing that can occur when one takes advantage of the “time being right” and goes for it. Now I just need to get my butt in gear and call my other sister. There is nothing more exciting to me than seeing love in action. Thanks to all who have had the courage to share their stories here. They have all touched me. I especially want to thank you WCBD for what you shared about losing your son. I have a 30 year old son who is very troubled, alot of problems, and I can't help but worry and feel so powerless everyday. It's a constant process for me to just love him, try not to judge. Still so much to learn...

[RunningDeer]

Posted by spiritwind (here)
"I especially want to thank you WCBD for what you shared about losing your son. I have a 30 year old son who is very troubled, alot of problems, and I can't help but worry and feel so powerless everyday. It's a constant process for me to just love him, try not to judge. Still so much to learn..."

Thank you, SpiritWind. While reading about your life experiences, I can't help but think that you are one of the Spirit Warriors that signed on for this exciting era of transformation.

Michael's been my greatest Teacher in love, compassion, forgiveness, patience, trust, working through & letting go of darker emotions, patience, forgiveness... Oops, I mentioned those last two already, but they deserve a double booking.

[bogeyman]

I look at my experience like this: There is a tree, and a car hits that tree and it leaves damage, in time these scars are covered by new growth until the scars only become a memory.

[deridan]

just to share a bit of a story as everyone has done,
i had a father, with whom i could not share an adult life, very sad that part cause the 20year old only comes to that realization of need once the child self is left behind.
its said that fathers raise there sons, and sons raise there fathers into continuum
i apparently share many genetic temprements with my grandfather. I understand that some of my harder upbringing was my fathers part of fortifying me against errors he had seen his father commit.
(there is no time or understanding to communicate this accurately, esp. for a child, so some things need to be done,..damn what is thought then, but afterward the appreciation flows);
too, missed the prior moments to having said goodbye to my father,
but believe a communication or vibrational 'send set' was given between us.

always in this life i have had the discipline of being able to observe a system, but just being to far outside it to benefit. Often feel vehement,
then too, I've discovered from Numerology that I have a Zero Karmic Number, so the psychological states i need to be involved in is minimal, ..so somehow i know i can spend time in my spirit defining a here-after. Though I am a journeyer of the human soul and will learn everything now

[Bhusunda]

Posted by astrid (here)
... you get the the point where you have to face yourself with no
distractions.

Without that self honesty its kind of not possible to get to the root of things.
The next step for me was to stop this self berating, and treat myself as though i
was my own best friend. This type of deep work does require , in my experience,
to treat yourself with the utmost compassion and kindness.
For that i established a witness position, where i was being a compassionate
observer to my life, so that i could then think and act more clearly, and not
through the emotionally charged lens, that had been my entire life until that point.
I still do this to this day, its especially useful in helping others and not getting
caught up in drama.

I strongly resonate with this, astrid!
I myself need a lot of protection, loneliness and compassion for myself in order to be able to feel the tenderness inside me and stay in there, and keep it strong.
Living among too many people for a too long period gets me lost quickly.
Living alone, I have to face my fears and tears, but I also feel at peace with myself.
There is no wish to run away from me anymore, whatever I feel. The fear about myself is slowly vanishing.
There is nothing inside me that needs to be changed in order to be loved by me.
Thanks for reminding me!
:-)

[4evrneo]

Fantastic topic ! to which I have alot of experience. As an abused and neglected child, I grew up much of the time in my head and in my dreams. Although I was very shy for many years, I have had the profound experience a few years ago of forgiveness and the realization that those events in my life have led me to be the strong and compassionate woman I am today. I am actually grateful for those experiences now, out of suffering came great strength and love.

[Fred Steeves]

Posted by 4evrneo (here)
Fantastic topic ! to which I have alot of experience. As an abused and neglected child, I grew up much of the time in my head and in my dreams. Although I was very shy for many years, I have had the profound experience a few years ago of forgiveness and the realization that those events in my life have led me to be the strong and compassionate woman I am today. I am actually grateful for those experiences now, out of suffering came great strength and love.

My wife was not abused per say, but certainly neglected. Spent a great deal of her precious childhood not out playing with other kids, but banished to her room. Reading was her great escape. I think that sort of thing either destroys a person, or eventually empowers them.

You should see the way she brightens people's day at the nursing home where her 100 year old grandmother still resides after 8 years. Most people who live in these places are the elderly version of keeping the kid in their room, and out of the way. It can be so heartbreaking...She never visits there without some kind of treat like Animal Crackers or something to pass out to each resident, along with a happy comment and a sweet smile.

That's just one of the ways she's found to "pay back" the big mean world for her lost childhood. And by the way, you should see the way the faces on the old folks light up as she approaches. Priceless!

Cheers,
Fred

[Spiral]

What an amazing thread, it really shows how diverse human experience can be !

Personally, my family life was like growing up in a sensory deprivation tank.

The physical people are there, mother, father, sybs, but they are like empty shells, "the lights on but there's no one at home"

I only wish they had been violent or abusive, at least it would have validated my existence !

I did go through a phase of thinking they were narcissistic, but that diagnosis doesn't go any where near far enough, I often wonder about my mother particularly; who was / is she really ?

The upshot of having parents with whom no relationship is possible is that I have to live without relationships, as I never developed the things you need to do so. (very complex & much misunderstood field)

So, foruming it is .

[RunningDeer]

"Power of One"

No words needed... (If you are pressed for time then jump to 2:48. Special delivery for You.)

Source: https://youtube.com/watch?v=ZQLj_JcaZcM

https://youtube.com/watch?v=ZQLj_JcaZcM

[bluestflame]

we're living in a time where there is a heightened sensativity coming out in people around the world , it's a healing thing , a time for release of things that consume our energy

from the inside out


s many great posts on this thread , so much to be thankful for , rather than me thanking every post i'd like to thank in advance ( i have a sore click finger from thanking ) i'll get to them eventually

[Salamanda555]

Posted by WhiteFeather (here)
Got the tears going slightly from that story Bill. Thanks for sharing that.

Its never to late to forgive, Its never to late to say your sorry, Its never to late to let it go, Its never to late to say I love You, and just when you thought it was too late, you find Its never to late.

As i was growing up in my teenage rebelious years me and my Dad were constantly butting heads. We didnt get along with each other during those adolescent stages. When i turned 18 my Dad was dying in the hospital from cancer, but before he died i had the chance to finally tell him I Love You, he responded I Love You too son. He passed on the next day.

Its never too late.

Awesome WhiteFeather... I think you encapsulated the entire point and purpose of the thread right there.

Respect.

Kia Kaha.

[jimisroom]

This is probably one of the prime reasons I joined this forum since its refurbishment.

I'm a starseed who was raised in a very military and corporate family. My experience, especially those involving "waking up", has almost completely alienated me from some close to me.


If anyone has any advice as to how to maintain a balance here, I would really appreciate it.

[Salamanda555]

Posted by Bhusunda (here)
Thanks for this beautiful post Bill. Thanks to everyone for sharing their experiences, I had to shed some tears reading so far, reminding me of my own problems with my parents and how it is healing now.

My parents have been both refugee kids fleeing from East Prussia and Silesia from the Russians at the end of the second world war. The whole german after-war generation is kind of traumatized by this. They were fighting with hunger, rape and survival. We only found out after the death of my grandma some years ago, that one of her kids, a very beloved aunt of us, was actually the offspring of such a rape. My grandma never told anyone and treated her as if it has been the child of her husband, who died in the war, exploding with a truck-full of ammunition. My father grew up with a lot of brothers and sisters on a farm. It was a tough life as he said, and the only fondness he seemed to have was the memory of his father who died shortly after the war, his mother was never loved by my father, and it seems by by most of his brothers and sisters too.

Since this one year a lot of things have happened. Most noteworthy the relationship with my father and mother has received a great healing. I forgave both of them, forgave myself too. I told both of them that I love them. I am so happy that they are still alive and healthy, so I could say that to them.
I call them regularly now, and not only once or twice a year, with the occasional visit. They feel that I am accepting them as they are, and that I have no remorse left, and they are suddenly opening up to me. They even call me on their own now when they have some news to convey. The never did that before. My father even asked me to write my memoirs. He is deeply interested in me now, although still trying to make it not too obvious. I gave him several articles I wrote. I got no response, but what I hear sometimes from my brother or sister is, that he is deeply interested in meditation and watching documentaries about that in TV.

Life is good to me now, that I am good to me.

That's such as awesome awesome story Bhusunda... the smile started growing right across my face, as I got further into the final paragraphs and reading about what you're hearing back through brother and sister about your Dad's obvious interest in what you do and who you are. very cool

[Bing Lalo]

Dear Bill and all the Avalon people, you see 2 days ago I wrote here my expience, now I come again because yesterday my dad send me his first email in several months. I think his Ego is coming down, and he begings to need to come back to life again which is allways nice. In my opinion when this kind of things happen the best to do is let them some space and talk to them with the mind, in the other side of life, that helps a lot and prepare the road for the reconciliation. Which is importan is that you must to leave the door open, so that way the ignorance and the Egos will recognize the truht and when that happen they will come back to the road of love. And LOVE is the only road that can give you back the happiness.

Best to all and be happy no matter what.... :-)