The Cricket Thread (for Whinging Poms and Aussie *******s only)

[Hazel]

Here we go again bram ya smart arse.. could be English is your 2nd tongue!

Confucius say: those who wear glass boxes should get off the pitch b4 u get another fast ball in ya googlies.


Saveloys are sausages ya drongo..
Go try sucking on one of them


p.s.. a tip for your next barbie... savoy cabbage does wonders in coleslaw/ but creates bombastic farts.

[panopticon]

Posted by bram (here)

Sucking a cabbage? Sheesh

A saveloy is a pommie sausage ya drongo.
They're known as "sav's" in some places in Oz but also known as "little boys" elsewhere. However the saying "fair suck of the sav" is ubiquitous as the other would be completely inappropriate in every social setting in Australia.



A Savoy is a type of cabbage ya mung bean.



I'm wonderin if ewes are really a pom considerin' ya dunno wat a saveloy is...

-- Pan

[panopticon]

I dunno what's happened to the witty pommie come backs...

Must ave dried out wif their wickets...

[Hazel]

Snappo Pan...

havta say but.. can't stomache those 'little boys'
the prophylactics they bag em in play havoc with me digestion...

Musta bin dreamin'... but I think l once saw a bloke blow one-up out of his crack when he was bending over to get a coldie out of his Eski... what a nightmare eh!



**Just Luv our Aussie blokes in their hipster shorts, but when the guys with beer guts wearum they should be decent enuff to match em up with singlets long enuff to cover the brown-eyed budgie cage.

[sian]

never underestimate behind the scenes

[panopticon]

Posted by recap1 (here)
Snappo Pan...

havta say but.. can't stomache those 'little boys'
the prophylactics they bag em in plays havoc with my digestion...

Musta bin dreamin'... but I think l saw a bloke blow one-up out of his arse when he bent over the BBQ once... whats a cracker!

Not touchin' that one wif a ten foot barge pole there crapper.

Reversed plumbers an all...

¤=[Post Update]=¤

Posted by sian (here)
Attachment 23742

never underestimate behind the scenes

That explains cranberry, trotter, potato (root), broad bean and the cook then.

I was wonderin' why they had their own recipe book...

Just a sec...

Is that look on her face cause she's just found Warnie is helpin with putting the shopping away?

[sian]

secrets of the trade, don't be fooled, rocket fuel of the day.

[panopticon]

Posted by sian (here)
secrets of the trade, don't be fooled, rocket fuel of the day.

So ya sayin that the poms shouldn't be eatin' smoothies and Vietnamese King Prawn Thingambobs but Pickled Whatchmacallits?
Or ya sayin' that Warnie helpin with the shoppin will always put that kinda look on a pommie sheila's face?
Or are ya sayin' that cabbage is a good propellant which helped England win WWII?
Or is it all the above?

[mahalall]

Strewth recapoo was it her Australian Royal Highness,

Source: https://youtube.com/watch?v=wx57dKn6YNE

[sian]

Posted by panopticon (here)

Posted by sian (here)
secrets of the trade, don't be fooled, rocket fuel of the day.

So ya sayin that the poms shouldn't be eatin' smoothies and Vietnamese King Prawn Thingambobs but Pickled Whatchmacallits?
Or ya sayin' that Warnie helpin with the shoppin will always put that kinda look on a pommie sheila's face?
Or are ya sayin' that cabbage is a good propellant which helped England win WWII?
Or is it all the above?

rekon you're an Aussie Intel spy on the side panopticon

[Hazel]

Posted by mahalall (here)
Strewth recapoo was it her Australian Royal Highness,

Source: https://youtube.com/watch?v=wx57dKn6YNE

Ok mahalalltogethertoofullofcheek..

I'm a pussy and sail down wind of Foulmouth, compared to Dame Edna's saucy tigress metaphores. She shakes the trouser snakes outta their hidey holes.. enuff to scare the pants off any decent Sheila... such as wot l am.

[panopticon]

Posted by mahalall (here)
Strewth recapoo was it her Australian Royal Highness,

Source: https://youtube.com/watch?v=wx57dKn6YNE

Yeah, Dame Edna is a national treasure.

Much as Sir Les Patterson, Former Australian Cultural Attache, she spreads the word on the glory of Oz.

Here's a bit a Les for those who aren't familiar:

Source: https://youtube.com/watch?v=1Hw0EwWKQRY

Source: https://youtube.com/watch?v=1F7E7lAp-hM

-- Pan

[panopticon]

I see the poms are complaining about not getting priority access to sporting facilities that have been booked out for months. It's called forward planning chaps.

They're also not impressed that their dietary requirements are not going to be met.

England's unprecedented list of dietary demands, obtained by Fairfax Media last week, will not be dished out to them exactly as they hoped.

The 82-page document, prepared by England's performance nutritionist Chris Rosimus, contained requirements for what should be served to players and at exactly what time, with different dishes on each day of a Test and a recipe guide marked as ''essential''.

The file contained 194 recipes for food and drinks, including such eye-catching entries as ''piri-piri breaded tofu'', and while variations of some items will be provided to players from both sides - they eat in the same room in every Australian venue except the SCG - they can generally expect less exotic fare such as roast chicken, steak, pasta and a make-your-own sandwich station.

''We're getting through a fair bit of it," said Michael O'Brien. Catering general manager Caroline O'Brien said. ''Obviously we're not doing the whole booklet. We'll do variations of some of their hot food selections and smoothies, and we've picked up a lot of the England dressings for their salads and a lot of salads that they've requested.''

O'Brien said Australia had not provided specified menus and recipes like England but only guidelines for what food they wanted.
Source

WTF is 'piri-piri breaded tofu' when it's at home?
What is wrong with 'roast chicken, steak, pasta and a make-your-own sandwich[es]'?

It's all a bloody mystery ta me.

At least they'll have their smooties...

[Bill Ryan]

Posted by panopticon (here)

I dunno what's happened to the witty pommie come backs...

Not really necessary. I can understand why the Aussies are trying to derail the thread with nonsense about cabbage and wood chopping. (And much else, none of which I could understand.)

Posted by bram (here)

By the way, are we still speaking English here? It's getting hard to tell....

Half of us are!

To get this thread back on topic, here's what's happening in the real cricket world:



Everyone did well except Carberry, who's impressive already and didn't need to do any more. (He's clearly been reading Sun Tzu, too.)

Meanwhile, I see that Aussie batsman Shane Watson has retired from the game.



(This is actually a blow to the England team...)

And finally, cricket news is full of the final test match being played by Indian superhero batsman Sachin Tendulkar, possibly the world's most popular ever sportsman, beloved by hundreds of millions of Indians for his extraordinary poise, grace, skill and consistent ability.

In the 2011 cricket World Cup, when Tendulkar scored 120 against England, a large sign in the crowd recommended:

Commit your crimes when Sachin is batting.
They will go unnoticed, because even the Lord is watching.

When Australia gets to bat against England next week, criminals had better be careful. Because the Lord, already knowing the outcome, and with no poise, grace, or skill in sight, won't bother to turn up.

[Hazel]

Here's slingin' some more Austen Tayshus A'strein atya.. 4 ewes who can't wait to learn our fine lingo..

www.youtube.com/watch?v=97YnGQE1q6M


**As for your last post Billy on the Boil... you'll keep

[panopticon]

Posted by Bill Ryan (here)
When Australia gets to bat against England next week, criminals had better be careful. Because the Lord, already knowing the outcome, and with no poise, grace, or skill in sight, won't bother to turn up.

That's right, Boonie wont be in attendance. He's refereeing in India during the first test.

I reckon Cranberry thinks Sun-Tzu is a chicken dish served with piri-piri bloody tofu whatsit...

Also Bill, you should know that Wikipedia isn't the fountain of all knowledge.
Watson has healed quite well and looks set for the Gabba next week.

As for Tendulkar, he's a dead set legend that bloke.
No Vietnamese King Prawn Thingamabobs or Piri-piri tofu creations for 'im I reckon.

In addition can you answer why oh why was Pigsy Trotter eating his bat???
Had he dropped some salad dressing on it???
Inquiring minds need to know!

-- Pan

[jackovesk]

Posted by Bill Ryan (here)
-------

Dear All:

As light relief from a sometimes very worrisome world, I thought it was time to post something about cricket.

Wait a minute -- did I say light relief? This is serious!

This thread is dedicated to my mate Jackovesk. I'm only calling him my mate because I feel sorry for him. Jacko's not a bad bloke even though he's an Aussie, which he can't help, but it only seemed kind to warn him of the coming humiliation down under at the hands of the England cricket team.

The first test (which is English* for international cricket match) starts on 21 November. England will win, of course, and in the five match series it will be the start of a rout.

For those who know of such things, English opening batsmen Cook and Carberry already helped themselves to more runs than they knew what to do with (in a warm-up match last week), and had to retire themselves out because the Aussies couldn't do the job themselves.



This gives us all plenty of notice what to expect later this month. Except next time, they'll stay in to score a couple of hundred each.


* It should be noted that the Australians speak English (at least, a crude variant of it) and don't even have their own language. In fact, they don't really have their own anything at all to be proud of, except for legendary cricketing maestro Don Bradman -- and he, alas for the current Australian team, is long gone.

G'Day Bill...

The first test (which is English* for international cricket match) starts on 21 November. England will win, of course, and in the five match series it will be the start of a rout.

Well (STONE the FLAMING CROWS) now who's a confident pommy abroad then hey...

Bill obviously wore his hat (Back to Front) today, either that or he's been flat out like a lizard drinking (Warm Pints...) down the local with his mates...

For (CRYING OUT LOUD) Bill...

.................

Source: https://youtube.com/watch?v=jL2DH-nKBeA

CRIKEY - I tell ya the Poms have got about as much chance of retaining the (ASHES) as Mylie Cyrus has of winning the Miss Universe Pageant & a Nobel Laureate in the same year...

Mylie says (Hi Bill)...



Heard a Joke the other day about the English Cricket Team...

Did ya Jack?

Sure did..!

Tell us then...

Ok...

Q. What's the English version of LBW..?
A. Lost, Beaten and Walloped..!

Right that's enough of the friendly banter, now lets get right down to the dogs breakfast, the nitty-gritty...

The (TRUTH)..!

I keep it short for now...

• Australia (WILL WIN) the 1st Test at the GABBA in Brisbane
• Australia (WILL WIN) the 2nd Test at the Adelaide Oval
• Australia (WILL WIN) the 3rd Test at the WACA in Western Australia

Headline: Australia (WINS) the 1st 3 Test and the Ashes finally come (HOME) where they belong..!

...and if by some miracle this doesn't go to plan, I'd settle for a narrow (WIN) by a few tinnies/stubbies short of a slab..!

[Nasu]

Sure Jack, sure. Sounds to me, for all your hope and bluster, that you've already accepted defeat. Even Your old pal sun zu knew that one - the battle is won before the sword is drawn... See you in the bar afterwards, i'l buy the first round to help cheer you up and feel a little better... N

[selinam]

V

Posted by panopticon (here)

Posted by mahalall (here)
Strewth recapoo was it her Australian Royal Highness,

Source: https://youtube.com/watch?v=wx57dKn6YNE

Yeah, Dame Edna is a national treasure.

Much as Sir Les Patterson, Former Australian Cultural Attache, she spreads the word on the glory of Oz.

Here's a bit a Les for those who aren't familiar:

Source: https://youtube.com/watch?v=1Hw0EwWKQRY

Source: https://youtube.com/watch?v=1F7E7lAp-hM

-- Pan

Hilarious videos -thanks for posting!

[Hazel]

Now we've got Jackowitz and Panoffski battin' on our side we now have enuff top notch clowns to proper sledge this shambollic 3 Ring Circus Billbo Ryan laughingly calls 'The Cricket Thread...'

Whatdya reckon? Cos' I'm sus' that bein' an ex pat in the wilds of whatsit' is proovin' too much for the fella in the Aussie bush hat. So telling that a blokes sufferin' from Ocker Envy when hes wearin as a crown such a classic icon of our big brown land. If I squint a bit, I can just see the man sportin' thongs n' a Fosters stubby holder (huggin' his jungle juice) too when he's chillin' watching the cricket...

In strewth, the the sly old dingo probably fronts as a luver of his muther cuntry.. when hes roolly rootin' for us Aussies.

See I'm on this Avalon Aussie outpost... postin' cos of me XXXX gut knowing, and not just for me old chook bikini bod' gifts... that would by the way, easy eclipse Mileys scrawny giblets... just sayin!