What to say to a friend who is dying?

[Antagenet]

She has a few weeks left. Just began hospice. Had brain tumors so she is a bit dulled and I am not sure how much she either understands or feels.

Usually I can empath myself right into any situation, but this time Im really at a loss. Im too much in shock that she is leaving the planet. She's been my best friend for decades.

I can only talk to her over the phone, she lives in another country. Am trying to get her husband to get Skype.

Of course I tell her that I love her.

I don't think its great to tell her about my survivors guilt, which Ive never felt before, but this time it caught me by surprise. Or my anger and despair at her leaving.

She says she feels strong and peaceful, meanwhile her husband and I are bawling our eyes out and petrified.

what to say, what to say...

[Dennis Leahy]

"I love you"

"I'm so honored to have spent time with you."

Dennis

================

And, Antagenet, I am sorry you're losing a great friend. Nothing more difficult than having a loved one die.

[sandy]

How sad, my heart goes out to you.

I agree with Dennis in just telling her how much you love her, are grateful for her friendship now and always.

If it were me I might ask her how she is feeling about hospice, etc., and let her do most of the talking and be conscious to remember that it is the here and now and we still very much, have each other.

[Catsquotl]

Hi Antagenet,

I feel like has been mentioned before. Let her know how much she means to you and just share moments of time together. It is a shame you aren't closer as just sitting together is really all you can do. At times like these words i.m.o will always feel inadequate to cross the gap between shared experience.. so even with skype. there's probably not much to say,but the knowledge of you being there sharing her final stages..

With Love
Eelco

[karamba]

I am deeply sorry for your friend..., sending you both Love and Light and Strength!

[Shannow]

Sorry, there's not much I can offer.

Had a good mate pass the other week, and had a chance to sit and talk to him, clap on the back, etc. not possible here, sorry

[lightwalker]

Lovingly give her permission to go.

[Lifebringer]

I forgave the children's father, we were separated, and he had pancreatic cancer. I wish I knew then, what I know now as far as healing herbs and balances. He and I talked and I and my husband promised his little girls would be taken care of like his own. He fazed out in a daze talking to old friend only he could see, that had passed, but he was chuckling at a joke or two when greeting them.

Has she tried garlic oil and coconut oil? The garlic to prevent any more tumors and build her immune system if she's had chemo, and the coconut oil to aid the "brain in recovery of cells and repair? Who knows with a little ph balancing with baking soda and honey, she just may kick this "dis" ease. Hey they gave her a few weeks, it surely can't hurt to go natural now, right? The honey and baking soda 3 times a week, and it's 1 part baking soda with 2 teaspoons of honey. Clove of garlic, every 8 hours or the oil gel caps 2 times a day 3 times a week. The coconut oil must be organic, and put it in a coconut dark chocolate shake with kale, and you got a great smoothie three times a week.

God speed on her healing and a easing of you and her husband's and family's hearts during this time. A lot of them are being called home now and perhaps, her mission is almost complete.

[kirolak]

And perhaps wish her good & joyful continuance in her soon-to-be- state of freedom from bodily discomfort, if she is open to this.

I am so sorry, there is little any of us can do in the final days except to love & release the other person. I once added in a light-hearted way to someone I was losing, "And remember, no hard feelings about anything! I won't hold you back by snivelling, & don't you dare hang about & haunt me!" But it was that sort of relationship. . . I understand it would not be suitable in all cases.

Wishing you strength !

[budicca]

I am so sorry you're going to lose your best friend and she knows deep inside how you're feeling just make her laugh as always and talk about the good times you've had.
I myself is going bk home to see my best friend whose prognosis is swaying toward my best friend losing her battle to the big C all i know is that i will cry when i see her she's been in my life all of my life and know that my angel that walks this earth will watch over me when her time comes x there are no words that can ease you at this time x huge love and a trillion hugs and hope you find your way with your loss to come x love and light x Namaste x

[Finefeather]

Years ago just before my dad died...he was in hospital on his last days...my wife and I, on driving down to see him, for what we new inside was going to be the last time...we were in another city...decided to tell him that his brother was going to meet him on the other side. We had communicated with Arthur...his passed brother...through my wife who had some extreme psychic abilities.

Now what is significant is that my dad never ever spoke of, or ever mentioned any subject related to life after death to us 'kids'...or anyone we knew...so we were reluctant to bring this up but eventually decided we would do it.

We were all just under the impression that he was just a regular guy with no interest in what death brings...he was a very kind man and used to give away his last penny to anyone in need.

We were at his bedside and he was on oxygen and we decided to leave and then I said to him..."Dad...uncle Arthur will be here to meet you"...well...the look on our faces must have been hilarious because he just said quietly..."I know, I can see him already".

Since then I have come to know that shortly before death there are many who gather around us before we cross over and there is often a quiet peace around the dying person.

So IMO I think it is good to just let a person be...so they can experience the passing in their own way.

Interference by do gooders in their enthusiasm to ease the so called trauma is unnecessary...

It is a time to express love and forgiveness...that's all...nothing else matters...this is my experience...after all the person is not really dead.
Love to you
Ray

[Chuck]

Don't go to the light. take a right turn and follow your own path.

[Sunny-side-up]

Hello Antagenet sorry to hear about your friend.

Yes as already mentioned so far, tell her you love her and be light of heart if you can, let here know it's ok for her to go but you will miss her!
If she is not of the this view, tell her she will be on the next wondrous journey of her path.

Let her know if she has fears that she can talk to you about any of them and that you would really wan't her to!
Make sure you actually say You Love her and say good by to her, because You need do that while you can!

Love, Peace and Hugs to you and your friend and your friends husband!
Alan

[Operator]

Posted by lightwalker (here)
Lovingly give her permission to go.

This is what I had in mind also. When my dad died I knew he didn't want to leave, he was struggling to stay
because he didn't feel ready and still wanted to do more for those who would be left behind.

I think it is important that people die in peace ... they're forgiven (if needed at all) and have permission to go.
Also, maybe specially in this case, their mind is wandering of ... meaning they feel/sense more than you would
assume (not physically through the normal senses but in an esoteric way ).

[heretogrow]

My heart goes out to you Antagenet, and to all who are losing this loved one. Tell her that your life has been blessed by this friendship and that she has deeply touched you with a connection that cannot be severed. That it itself is one of the most precious gifts that you have ever given each other.

Much Love,
Julia

[AngelArmy]

You could say I'll see you on the other side and teach her the lords prayer

[Kryztian]

I was a hospice volunteer, visiting patients who had a timeline of 6 months or less. All of there were over 80, and were pretty much resigned to their fate. When we talked about it, Death did not seem like a dreaded thing - they had long lives and had all seen themselves drift out of society and the work force and saw their steady physical decline. There elders had all died and so had many of their contemporaries.

I assume your friend is much younger and the matter is a bit different - although, perhaps your friend might be more at peace with the idea than you realize. Before you decide what to say, you might want to get her thoughts on the matter, ask how she feels about the situation. You might want to think more about what to say AFTER you have listened to her. Your friend might also be just as concerned to your reaction about her death as you are hers, and might feel better knowing that you will be okay with her death.

Everyone has there own beliefs about death and the afterlife and I have usually shared my with people who are dying. I tell them that I see their death as just a temporary separation - that we will see each be together again, in another realm, in another form. Whether or not they believe that themselves, it seems to bring comfort to them.

[Carmody]

It goes a little like this:

Source: https://youtube.com/watch?v=R8uzkQjhcDE

[robertr2m]

So sad to hear of your friend, Antagenet. And thanks for sharing with us since I think you already know what to do.

I've always felt that souls that are moving on still need to feel as if they have place here. They have their own guilt of leaving someone behind and the fear they will be forgotten.

You love her. Of course, you do.
You want her to stay but has your forgiveness and permission to go. Forgiveness for having to leave and permission is acceptance of her leaving.
Until you meet again, you will always remember her. Her smile, her laugh, her tears, her good as well as her bad. Who she truly is.

Your a good friend Antagenet.

Be safe, R2

[The Lawnman]

Its been my experience that its alright to just be with the family while they cope with a loved one that is dying. Take every opportunity to affirm them and let them know how much they are loved.

I had a friend drop by my home just yesterday to share with me that his brother passed away very suddenly of cancer, leaving behind a loving wife and four children. All I could do was listen to him share his feelings about being there as he passed on. It's a tough thing...life is so precious. As I closed the door when he left, I felt compelled to hug my wife a little closer and tell my son how much I loved him.