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Thread: Old people's home

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    Belgium Avalon Member Violet's Avatar
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    Default Old people's home

    Not only childless people go to old people's homes when they can no longer manage in their own residence. Often their children will have jobs and children themselves, which makes it practically very difficult to impossible to safely take care of an aged parent.

    Here in Belgium it's common though there are still people that take care of their parents in their own homes (meaning: parents move in with them). Usually someone will have to stop working because you can't leave them at home alone for obvious reasons.

    How do you feel about having parents in a retirement home and, also, how do you feel about ending up in a retirement home yourself when you get too old to live on your own?

    In my family it's not custom to do this and if I would consider it for my parents it would be taken as a great insult. Since your parents took care of you when you couldn't take care of yourself - we say - now you take care of your parents when they can't take care of themselves anymore.

    And for me, I know I don't like the idea for myself but if I'll be all alone at home and no one is visiting me, as does happen to some old people, I might actually prefer the retirement home. I might even make some more friends there before I go. If I can afford it, that is.

    I must also mention that these homes are terribly expensive. I knew of a case where they had to sell the mother's house to pay the costs because her pension was not enough.

    Another trend - but that's a sidenote - is that private companies are starting to take over this domain. And what that entails for the future.
    Last edited by Violet; 3rd March 2015 at 20:17.

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    United States Avalon Member TargeT's Avatar
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    Default Re: Old people's home

    I used to volunteer at "old peoples homes", all the ones I saw were filled with mildly to severely unhappy-with-the-situation-people, but then; the average person fears death and old age is just a constant (annoying) reminder of that which you fear being close at hand.


    Their mental energy did not match their physical abilities often and this caused much distress (possibly for the same reason as above).

    it was a very fulfilling volunteering opportunity though, people that are chronically unhappy and cooped up love visitors (I used to bring one of my various pets, the ferrets were the most popular IIRC).
    Hard times create strong men, Strong men create good times, Good times create weak men, Weak men create hard times.
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    Scotland Avalon Member greybeard's Avatar
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    Default Re: Old people's home

    The cost of residential care at first glance looks expensive.
    I owned a care home for ten years and we were hardly breaking even.
    To give a cost comparison, go for bed and breakfast in a modest establishment- now add lunch--now add evening meal, tea coffee as and when requested.
    If you can get all of that for much less than £80 per day you are doing well--multiply that by seven = £560. a week
    Now add in twenty four hour care--all clothes etc laundered---regular trips out, entertainment---hobble assistance and exercise encouragement--seated exercises. Medical supervision---making sure that the correct medicine is taken at the appropriate times, Assisted bathing if requested.

    It was my experience that people came in ill and lonely and within a short period of time they had made friends and their health improved with proper regular meals etc

    Chris
    Be kind to all life, including your own, no matter what!!

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    Default Re: Old people's home

    The aged get caught in a cycle of poverty, inability to buy proper food and vitamins and other expenses unrelentingly keep going up. They get weaker and are unable or disinclined to keep up with the endless requirements of chores. They go out less because that means spending money they do not have. Their friends die before them and they retreat to themselves or their computers. Their limbs become stiff or arthritic in time for lack of exercise and proper nutrition. All the news is bad news. After a while, they and their bodies feel that it might be better to be dead. The love and care of animals keep many going long after they would otherwise have given up. The very worst is the unavailability of money to survive in health and happiness. Lack of hormones leads to depression in outlook and a feeling of inability to love or feel joy any more, if ever they felt it. Curse God and Die is the outlook.

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    United States Avalon Member earthdreamer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Old people's home

    I just posted in the Alzheimer's thread (https://projectavalon.net/forum4/show...178#post939178 ) to share the info on a very heartfelt film/doc. that touched me. I think it is also relevant to this topic as the film has a mission to share the positive power of music in nursing homes.



    This video documentary is so uplifting, so well-made, I feel compelled to promote its story.

    http://dvd.netflix.com/Movie/Alive-I...?trkid=5966279

    Alive Inside: A Story of Music & Memory "This moving documentary follows social worker Dan Cohen as he uses music to unlock memory in nursing-home patients with Alzheimer's disease. Aided by well-known neurologist Oliver Sacks, Cohen aims to transform the quality of life for the afflicted."

    The filmmaker Michael Rossato-Bennett definitely addresses the issues of nursing home neglect, not deliberately, most staff are very caring, but due to economic constraints and the lack of understanding in our pharma medical models. Music can reach the deepest recesses of memory and help bring totally withdrawn individuals to awareness. Music rekindles sparks of life and emotional connection. Dan Cohen has spread the use of programmable ipods into hundreds of nursing homes. Music helps Alzheimer sufferers focus on joys that elude them in their fogs of confusion.

    Last edited by earthdreamer; 4th March 2015 at 04:26. Reason: added netflix link to film

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    United States Avalon Member earthdreamer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Old people's home

    n

    Also this story on the benefits of ipods for retirement home residents

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    United States Avalon Member TargeT's Avatar
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    Default Re: Old people's home

    Quote Posted by earthdreamer (here)
    n

    Also this story on the benefits of ipods for retirement home residents
    I want to try and do something like this locally, but the music in this region from 50+ years ago is very hard to track down.
    Hard times create strong men, Strong men create good times, Good times create weak men, Weak men create hard times.
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    United States Avalon Member earthdreamer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Old people's home

    I just remembered that the founder of the project, Dan Cohen, mentioned a helpful website for those interested in promoting the ipod idea.

    http://musicandmemory.org/about/mission-and-vision/

    I've never owned an ipod and couldn't tell you the first thing about researching and programming the playlist but I'm sure the website could help.
    Last edited by earthdreamer; 4th March 2015 at 16:41. Reason: sp

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    Belgium Avalon Member Violet's Avatar
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    Default Re: Old people's home

    Quote Posted by amor (here)
    The aged get caught in a cycle of poverty, inability to buy proper food and vitamins and other expenses unrelentingly keep going up. They get weaker and are unable or disinclined to keep up with the endless requirements of chores. They go out less because that means spending money they do not have. Their friends die before them and they retreat to themselves or their computers. Their limbs become stiff or arthritic in time for lack of exercise and proper nutrition. All the news is bad news. After a while, they and their bodies feel that it might be better to be dead. The love and care of animals keep many going long after they would otherwise have given up. The very worst is the unavailability of money to survive in health and happiness. Lack of hormones leads to depression in outlook and a feeling of inability to love or feel joy any more, if ever they felt it. Curse God and Die is the outlook.
    Hi, Amor, that is very sad...Does this knowledge come from close experience? You don't have to answer this if you don't want to. It's fine.

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    Default Re: Old people's home

    Hi there,

    Interesting question you have raised. I happen to have worked in a large nursing home here in Dublin, Ireland. My opinion to long term care facility for the elderly is this, elderly people should absolutely be given the right to choose, if there current health permits of course, weather they wish to live the remainder of there life at home or in the care of a nursing, care facility. In a large amount of cases here in Ireland it is in the best interest for the person and there family, from a social, health and safety point of view, to admit an elderly person to a care facility for either, a short respite period, and then to review for returning home, or for a long term care option.

    Nursing home facilities with the right structure and personalized care planning procedures for an elderly person, can potentially have a massive and positive impact on the health and wellbeing of the individual and there family. It should not be looked upon as a shame as in most cases it is providing what that person really needs, which is good care, attention and a feeling of being worthile, which allot of elderly people unfortunately do not always posses.

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    Romania Avalon Member Anka's Avatar
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    Default Re: Old people's home

    I consider all the old people as beautiful children. We see them in trams, in buses, with their strollers and walking sticks, in the park, often alone, in front of the rest of the road left.
    There are elderly people left alone or forced to manage on their own, because they have children far away. Not at all few. Over 1.5 million elderly people in Romania are affected by loneliness or live the feeling of uselessness.
    The facility of a care home is excluded due to very high costs and sometimes due to inadequate treatment.

    In Romania there is the possibility of volunteering in an old royal association, called "the phone of the elderly", but volunteers are accepted only in the capital, which seems incorrect, because the elderly are also from my country, of course as the form implies a certain level of education and civic availability (I call it - kind, before civic), I will try to write a handwritten letter for acceptance.

    I worked with people as old as 97 and learned more from them than I could have gathered in a life experience, I grew up with them, I laughed with them and I cried with them.
    I hugged them, kissed them and respected all their wishes...
    I learned life and death around the unforgiving hour and pleasant memories, and I saw eyes and, looks that I will write a lifetime.
    Everything matters in huge quantities when we say that if we don't have an old man in the family we should "buy" one

    They need timely, sovereign support and help for them, to recognize the original and wholehearted initiative, an impact lasting construction with a constant availability, not occasional.

    They need open, sociable people who are easily adaptable, who show patience, willingness to listen and a spirit of responsibility equal to a lasting, stable and fundamental commitment in the spirit of the value of love and help for people.
    Yes, I also met persons with health problems related to old age, but I did not see the disease, I saw the person behind the disease, an indulgence that allowed me to love them even more. For example to the question of an old man: "Who am I? me? ", you don't need imagination to answer more than 60 times a day, you need love to look him in the eye of his soul and to repeat the whole answer with the utmost seriousness, you don't need professionalism for that or psychological study, you need the certainty that you are inducing the most optimistic and helpful answer for him, because he deserves at least that ... as long as he asks.

    Effort is replaced by dedication, especially when some of them can't put the spoon in their mouths and become real children. A caress and a touch, a hand on the shoulder, a good joke at the right time, full availability, physical, medical, emotional and ethical presence of mind are felt...
    All my life I somehow knew that I would not have heirs, in my youth, proud as I was, I was satisfied with this, later when I wanted it I couldn't, now when I can't it's too late to wish. Standing close to my grandmother on her last hundred meters of life, I understood even more deeply that no old man should be taken to a foreign place, I personally would not do that, his house is where he was born, in his heart family which he raised.
    When I say "we all get there" I mean it
    No one knows as well as I do how lonely I will be in old age, so I try to bring the wisdom of an advanced age ahead of its time to always feel comfortable to the end, especially through respect for the gratitude of old age in general.
    And all this to be just human.

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