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Thread: 20 Basic Tactics Used By Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths To manipulate And Silence A Prey

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    United States Avalon Member Seabreeze's Avatar
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    Default Re: 20 Basic Tactics Used By Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths To manipulate And Silence A Prey

    ErtheVessel, I totaly agree to this :

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    I do believe narcissism is a response to childhood trauma (and perhaps soul loss due to that trauma), and I actually have some compassion for them about that. It's a terrible thing that I would not wish on anyone. But that doesn't mean I know how to fix them or that my love and dedication and life energy will help or heal them even one iota. I've learned this the hard way.
    yes, by now I think like this too. And I really think it has to do in many cases, with a childhood trauma. My man talks way to often about his childhood or about times he was a teenager. Which is telling me how situations from his past are still upfront daily in his mind.

    I guess, those childhood traumas cause some to develope narcissistic habbits, others become highly sensitive.

    I don*t know anymore, where I read or did hear it..but it was said...the person...mostlikly did build up this narcissistic symptoms early in the childhood to protect themselfs........... or one parent was a narcissist already and children growing up in a field like this, often become narcissists themselves.

    I think narcissists need professional help to get out of this roller coaster they did often build up by themselves. And I believe it would be possible, for a good therapist to change at least some of their bad habbits. I don*t think it is a very harmonic living whatsoever to constantly think on how to get attention or response from others to build up the own unsecure selfesteem. Actually I think it is a very sad way to live. For the narcissist I believe there is still hope to find a healing.

    But the psychopaths, I don*t think so. The study showed they have a part in their brain shrinked or missing....and what is not there anymore or damaged...can not get rebuild.
    Last edited by Seabreeze; 27th July 2019 at 01:55.

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    Default Re: 20 Basic Tactics Used By Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths To manipulate And Silence A Prey

    Yes, Whisper, it's true. The lost time does not come back.

    I, too, think it may be possible for some narcissists to be helped by therapy, but I think that the narcissist has to deeply want that therapy. That is something only the narcissist can choose for himself.

    I wish you so much courage and strength and many blessings in any move you make to reclaim your life and step forward into freedom. It can be done, and you are now so much wiser as a consequence of your difficult journey.

    Be very careful, and always know you are worth it.

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    Default Re: 20 Basic Tactics Used By Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths To manipulate And Silence A Prey


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    Default Re: 20 Basic Tactics Used By Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths To manipulate And Silence A Prey

    ..deleted post.....
    Last edited by Seabreeze; 27th July 2019 at 01:56.

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    Default Re: 20 Basic Tactics Used By Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths To manipulate And Silence A Prey

    Quote Posted by Whisper (here)
    Uh, does not look to good for me right now. Guess I have to postphone my plan, to leave, for right now. See, the thing is not only the narcisstic attitude my partner has. He has another mental problem. He has mania episodes. In his case a mania episode stays about 6 - 8 weeks until it stops. One just started yesterday again. And now I do feel sorry for his condition again. He did talk a lot about his childhood yesterday again..hours. I could not stop him. He has the urge to talk all the time right now. He really needs some help. I can not just walk away and leave him like this.

    Any idea on what I could do? He is hooked to the VA, where I did call yesterday already. But not much help from there so far.
    This is precisely why he started a manic episode, so that you will stay.

    this does not mean that the mania episodes are not true, they probably are and are based on stress. Losing one's slave who gives you the center of attention is quite stressful.

    My opinion (my ex husband also had manic episodes, I ended up so sick because I stayed much too long - when the mania will be on how to damage and harm you as much as possible because you dared leaving, you will not have pity anymore)

    Narcissists, if it is what he is, will never seek help or if they do, it will be out of manipulation. They are the good ones, you are the bad one.
    Last edited by Flash; 2nd February 2019 at 00:13.
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    Default Re: 20 Basic Tactics Used By Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths To manipulate And Silence A Prey

    Once the narcissist believes you're about to leave, the erratic behavior will increase, seemingly innocent at first.

    After enduring a beating from my ex-wife in front of my children and her oldest brother, I called the police. She was arrested and served a no contact order. I told the police after she was arrested that I couldn't believe that happened and I was glad it was over. The deputy looked me right in the eyes and said, Mr Wyatt it's just begun. I didn't know what he meant by that then, but I surely do now.

    I filed for divorce a few days after the beating in March, 2010, but went back because she was going to change. She was right in that it did change although the change was for the worst by a long shot. I filed for divorce the second time in April of 2011 and didn't look back!

    Whisper, I would like to say that it has just begun ...

    Be kind to yourself,

    J
    “To develop a complete mind: Study the art of science; study the science of art. Learn how to see. Realize that everything connects to everything else” – Leonardo Da Vinci

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    Default Re: 20 Basic Tactics Used By Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths To manipulate And Silence A Prey

    It sounds like you are assuming he will improve, and then it will be OK for you to leave.
    But he might only get worse.
    And it could be that he instinctively knew you were thinking of leaving and that kicked in the neediness twice as much.

    Is there a point at which you would begin to put yourself and your own needs first?
    Do you know what that point is?
    Have you found anyone in your physical reality there who might be able to help you transition?
    Each breath a gift...
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    Default Re: 20 Basic Tactics Used By Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths To manipulate And Silence A Prey

    .........
    Thanks to all of you for the informations and back up so far....it sure helps to hear your opinion........
    Last edited by Seabreeze; 27th July 2019 at 01:59.

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    Default Re: 20 Basic Tactics Used By Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths To manipulate And Silence A Prey

    Yes, he felt back into his childish behavior, knowing that you would stay. The savior with the victim. The mom..


    But, he is not your child. He is not a child.

    All we tell you are not opinions. They are experiences, which is 1000 times more worth listening than mere opinions.

    Why is it that victims of narcissists are so adept of blindness and self lying? (I know, I have been there)
    Last edited by Flash; 2nd February 2019 at 11:53.
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    Default Re: 20 Basic Tactics Used By Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths To manipulate And Silence A Prey

    Shelters for victims of domestic abuse often have free counseling and support groups, or could at least refer you to other sources of assistance.
    Women's support groups are usually free and even if you don't know any of the members personally, they can be very helpful.
    It really sounds like you need to reach out and get some support, even if it's only emotional support.
    Even small steps will lead to larger steps in time.
    Each breath a gift...
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    Default Re: 20 Basic Tactics Used By Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths To manipulate And Silence A Prey

    Whisper, here is another thought, in case it is useful to you.

    When you give a narcissist your attention and caring, he is never going to reciprocate. He craves attention and, unfortunately, it doesn't really matter who gives it to him. If you are a reliable and steady source of attention, he will want to hold on to you, because his survival depends upon someone's attention. It is not really specific to you, even though his manic and/or love-bombing phase may make you feel special and valued and appreciated. YOU are not special to him. The attention he is receiving from you is what he is seeking and insistent upon keeping and has nothing at all to do with you personally. This can be a very bitter realization.

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    Default Re: 20 Basic Tactics Used By Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths To manipulate And Silence A Prey

    My thoughts from experience.
    We are all to some degree narcissists,most of us have are little talks with our ego and keep it under control.
    It is about me not them,its how I respond to what I perceive as there madness,gass lighting,total unreasonable accusations based on lies and fabrication.
    If you engage you lose, the more you engage the bigger the loss,never ever engage,be smart be calm,be love.
    Everybody will tell you there is no helping a narcissist,run away don't look back,get out,its not always possible especially if your the favoured target because your empathic or there your mum and dad sister or brother.
    Try these they really work,which then gives you the chance to help them and empower you at the same time.

    I know you think iam strange but I can live with that.
    Iam not always right nobody's perfect

    Make sure you have boundaries and they know what they are.

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    Default Re: 20 Basic Tactics Used By Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths To manipulate And Silence A Prey

    Yes, I think you all are right with your sayings. I have to straighten up my life somehow.


    I guess it is often like this, we believe what we want to believe and ignore the signs which tell us something different.
    Last edited by Seabreeze; 27th July 2019 at 02:00.

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    Default Re: 20 Basic Tactics Used By Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths To manipulate And Silence A Prey


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    Default Re: 20 Basic Tactics Used By Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths To manipulate And Silence A Prey


    There’s one more game, “The Silence Treatment”.
    It’s cruel and should not be used as punishment, or to correct a child’s behavior. It creates confusion, sadness, anxiety and resentment. It’s a form of rejection that makes a child feel invisible. Children don’t have the social development and skills to deal with such a situation.

    When you are in a relationship with a narcissist, a silence treatment can also be used to cheat on you. They found another source of supply meanwhile and are certainly not thinking of YOU.

    Just don’t underestimate the power of a silence treatment. It’s warfare usage, like you are a POW. It’s proven torture, no jokes.

    The funny thing is, after the silent treatment they act like nothing ever happened.......

    Last edited by Deux Corbeaux; 9th February 2019 at 18:06. Reason: Add quote

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    Default Re: 20 Basic Tactics Used By Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths To manipulate And Silence A Prey

    So I’m going to jump in the deep end with my first personal post as this is a subject very close to my heart. After being in an abusive relationship for 7 ½ years, I only finally realised about 9 months ago that I’m actually in a relationship with a narcissist. If not full blown NPD, he is certainly quite heavily on the spectrum. I came across an article or a post on social media around that time and literally could not believe what I was reading – it was something like “How to Tell if you are in a Relationship with a Narcissist” and I found myself reading the story of my relationship. The scales started to fall away from my eyes. I cannot tell you the initial relief of discovering I was not mad, going insane or worse. I had been beating myself up for so long for being weak and feeling helpless, not realising I was trauma bonded and had been gas-lighted and emotionally abused to the point that my self esteem was shattered, I was exhausted all of the time and totally emotionally drained. I was a shell of my former self.

    Once the relief had worn off I started obsessively researching, reading and watching anything and everything I could get my hands on. Knowledge really is power in this case and it made it easier for me to identify triggers, detach from his behaviour and to try not to react to the constant baiting, put downs and all the other behaviours that accompany this destructive condition.

    I also discovered that I am hopelessly co-dependent. Having grown up with an alcoholic, narcissistic father and being relentlessly bullied in primary school, my sense of worthlessness and lack of self esteem was ingrained at an early age. Only now at the age of 46 am I starting to piece the shattered pieces of my life back together. I can totally see why I must have been a shining beacon that attracted this particular person into my life.

    Anyway, I digress. It was a big revelation to me to learn about co-dependency and not an easy thing to admit to myself. I had always felt that despite everything I had turned out ok, I have strength and stamina and have overcome many adverse situations in my life. This situation didn’t happen overnight though, I’ve started referring to it as “death by 1,000 paper cuts”. The first one stings a little but it’s nothing you can’t deal with, and on it goes until you are a bloody, unhealed mess of trauma. The walking wounded, but you can’t work out how the hell you even got there. Then the wounds scab over and start to heal, only to be picked at by the narcissist and re-opened, re-traumatising you over and over again.

    So I am still with this man but am in the final stages (I hope) of breaking free. I wanted to share some of the articles that have helped me come to terms with my situation and have helped me to get to the right place psychologically. I especially wanted to share these with Whisper, I KNOW how difficult it is to break free – I am still in the process of doing it myself. Although I feel like I’m approaching the home strait, I still have bad days and wonder if I’m just kidding myself and I’ll never be free.

    When I came across this article I cannot tell you the relief that I felt and the support it gave me. One of the hardest things about suffering this kind of abuse is feeling like you cannot tell anyone because all they do is tell you to “just leave”. This is a totally valid response and you know that of course you should leave and cannot believe that you haven’t. I cannot tell you the hell I put myself through for having no respect for myself and allowing him to treat me like this. It’s a constant internal battle that had me thinking suicidal thoughts on many occasions. I have sent this article to some of my family and close friends to help them understand and it has worked. I can now talk about what is happening and they are not constantly pressuring me to just leave him and understand that I have to be ready and do it in my own time.

    https://selfcarehaven.wordpress.com/...use-survivors/

    Here are a few quotes that really stood out for me:

    "To the outside world, abuse survivors appear to face an easy decision: leave or stay in the abusive relationship as soon as they endure an emotionally or physically abusive incident. Internally, however, they struggle with cognitive dissonance, damaging conditioning from intermittent reinforcement, PTSD-like symptoms, trauma bonds, any previous trauma from past abusive relationships or experiencing abuse in their childhood, Stockholm syndrome, feelings of worthlessness and learned helplessness – just to name a few."

    "Not leaving sooner is not an indication or a measure of a victim’s strength or intelligence. It has more to do with the severity of trauma they have experienced. This false narrative of how easy it is to end an abusive relationship is actually holding us back from creating safer spaces for survivors to feel validated, supported, and being able to speak out about their experiences – this support is essential to any victim in an abusive relationship."

    "Ending the relationship is made even more difficult if trauma from previous relationships or childhood exists. It’s a fact: children who grow up witnessing domestic violence within their own families have been reported to more likely to be victims of abusive relationships themselves. It may almost seem normalized because of the behaviors we’re unconsciously modelling from our childhood. We might identify with the victimized parent, or may even have promised ourselves we would never be like them, only to have unconsciously chosen a partner that has enabled us to attempt to “fix” our past by attempting to fix our abusive partner."

    "They aren’t psychologically ready to leave. Tony Robbins makes an astute observation in his book, Awaken the Giant Within: we only stop a bad habit or behavior when the pain of it far surpasses any pleasure or reward."


    "None of the best advice in the world can convince us until we feel that inner transformation and until we reach that turning point where we say to ourselves: I’ve had enough. I am enough. And so much better than this.”


    I won’t quote from this article but I have found this to be extremely helpful also:

    https://esteemology.com/dont-just-le...relationships/

    Every relationship is different and everyone has their own reasons and breaking points, for me a psychological shift absolutely had to take place. That involved cleaning up my act in many ways and taking responsibility for my part in the relationship. I’m getting to the place where I don’t expect anything from him because it’s not there to give. I didn’t know this until very recently and have grieved for what I thought the relationship was. When I’m feeling weak and extremely low about it all I remind myself of this quote from another excellent article:

    “You will never feel truly loved. You will never feel comfortable. You will never feel safe.”

    https://esteemology.com/a-relationship-without-empathy/

    I hope I've embedded the links correctly - this is my first time posting anything with links to articles!

    Much love, IS x

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    Default Re: 20 Basic Tactics Used By Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths To manipulate And Silence A Prey

    Thank you so much for your post IndigoSpiral.
    I sure apprechiate this very much. I will read the posted links and everything, more close and detailed later on for sure.

    Looks like we are sitting in the same boat at the time.

    What you wrote IndigoSpiral....how you found out you are in a relationship with a narcissist..sound almost like my own story. Me, too..reading or watching a video about narcissists...all my lights went on..... and it just flashed to me.......my husband is a narcissist.

    What I find very hard, is trying to explain others (family members) about the narcissistic symptoms my partner has. Often they don*t want to believe it, cause they see him in the light he likes to create around him...charming, helpful, very understanding aso. He is a very good entertainer and people like this. They don*t see the fact - he is only trying to get their attention because he lives by it.

    This is his main part in public...he wants to get the attention of others. It does not matter whos attention - the cashier lady, the yard man, the office clerk...and so on.

    People often say - wow what a great, nice guy....not knowing his other sides he has and he shows mainly in privacy. He is a pretty good actor also. And most people, even old friends...don*t realize the narcissitic side he has. They might never did read or hear anything about narcissitic symptoms or behavements before.

    This often makes it very difficult for me....he always looks like the nice, friendly, charming guy and me like the frustrated wife next to him.

    And what you wrote here :

    “You will never feel truly loved. You will never feel comfortable. You will never feel safe.”

    Yes, this is how it is...I agree.....

    Once again...thank so much for your post....
    Last edited by Seabreeze; 27th July 2019 at 01:43.

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    Default Re: 20 Basic Tactics Used By Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths To manipulate And Silence A Prey

    Hi Whisper,

    You’re welcome It’s amazing how many people have the same stories isn’t it? One of the things I’ve seen during my research is that in many cases it feels like I am reading from a script of what’s happened to me. A whole new world opened up and I felt like I went from being totally alone and wondering if I was going insane, to being a part of a community where I felt validated and what I was experiencing was normal for this kind of abuse. A particularly sinister side of this type of situation is the gas-lighting and the questioning of your reality, especially when you’re already traumatised. Plus it goes in cycles of Mr Nice vs Mr Nasty and the nice side can last for weeks sometimes – I used to think, “I can’t believe I wanted to leave him, he’s my best friend, I can’t imagine my life without him”. That was abuse amnesia and cognitive dissonance because as soon as Mr Nasty reappeared I’d be right back to square one.

    It’s really difficult isn’t it? They present such a convincing mask to the world and are generally good actors, charismatic and charming. Certainly his own family think he’s the best thing since sliced bread. I get the blame for everything, even if he has a particularly nasty outburst in front of one of them – somehow it’s still my fault. I suspect his mother is a narcissist too and I believe he is one not because he suffered abuse or neglect in his childhood, but because he was spoilt rotten. He was the “golden child” which is what I think has led to his excessive entitlement. I am constantly amazed at how nice he can be to complete strangers in contrast with how horrible he is to me. He has this knack of being able to play the long lost son/grandson to older people or the wise sage to younger people and they are utterly convinced. And yes it is all about getting attention! Any attention, he is determined to win people over with his boyish charm at any cost.

    I’m really lucky with my family in that my sisters are very savvy and they cottoned on to him a while ago. I’m also lucky to have a good support network of non-judgemental, understanding friends – although it’s still really difficult to explain how a narcissist doesn’t play by the same rules as a “normal” person. They can’t understand how I can’t have a normal break up conversation with him without him flying into a rage and threatening all sorts of things. They don’t understand about narcissistic rage or injury (I didn’t until I started researching and wow that was a big light bulb moment – he is absolutely textbook). And it’s not like they’re going to read the thousands of articles I have read over the last 10 months to get a handle on this. We were talking last week about how to approach the split up and they were giving me lots of good advice that would absolutely work if you are dealing with a normal, reasonable person. They just don’t understand that it’s not like dealing with a normal person – they don’t play by the same rules. It’s like dealing with a spiteful 5 year old in an adult’s body.

    I’m so sorry it’s been going on for so long for you Whisper – however, another thing I have learned is that it’s never too late to get your life back. There are so many women (and men) who have been stuck in lifelong relationships/marriages who have realised what is happening and turned their lives around. I can’t believe I only came across this information under a year ago! I can only assume that it came at the time I was ready to start dealing with it and it just slipped under my radar before.

    Once you find out I feel there is no going back – however long it takes you to leave the relationship, you can’t “unlearn” or “unsee” what you now know. That light bulb that goes on – you can’t turn it off. What I have found is that not pressuring yourself on a time limit is good (unless you are in immediate physical danger). You really do have to get yourself psychologically strong enough and ready to deal with whatever they can throw at you and to resist “hoovering” tactics. It’s taken me almost a year and I’ve still not left him.

    I just wanted to share one more thing with you – this lady has helped me immensely:

    https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/
    You can sign up to a free 16 day recovery course – it doesn’t matter whether you are still with the narcissist, you can still start your healing journey. She believes that it is the unhealed trauma within ourselves that attracted the narcissist to us at a deeper level.

    I do feel that this has happened to me to allow me to heal my childhood trauma and other traumas from my life. It has led me to much self reflection and has helped me to see the themes and patterns of my life more clearly as it has brought them crashing violently to the surface. It is helping me to learn how to deal with pain that I have repressed for most of my life. It is helping me address my feelings of unworthiness and never being good enough. I hope that one day I will be able to forgive myself for allowing him to treat me the way he has.

    Another thing I’ve been doing is just trying to make little decisions each day that keep me moving in the right direction. It could be something as small as one phone call or asking someone a question or checking out prices on local self storage units.

    It’s really lovely to be able to talk with someone who understands – stay strong and know that you can do this! Go easy on yourself and remember you don’t have to make massive decisions which can be totally overwhelming.

    Thanks for your reply to my post
    Much love, IS

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  36. Link to Post #119
    United States Avalon Member RunningDeer's Avatar
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    Default Re: 20 Basic Tactics Used By Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths To manipulate And Silence A Prey

    11 Things Narcissists Do When You Ignore Them (And 7 Ways to Deal) - (3:42 minutes)
    If you've ever tried ignoring a narcissist, you know it's no easy feat. in this video, I'll explain what happens when you (or any narcissistic supply) ignores a narcissist, a toxic person or anyone with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). Plus, I'll give you 7 quick ways to deal with the situation so you can stay no contact and stay safe.

    Angie Atkinson YouTube

    Angie Atkinson
    Published on Feb 20, 2019

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    Default Re: 20 Basic Tactics Used By Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths To manipulate And Silence A Prey

    Dissociation (Amnesia) & Confabulation in Narcissism (Intl. Conf. Clinical Counseling Psychology)
    Sam Vaknin
    Published on Feb 25, 2019

    Video presentation to the 4th International Conference of Clinical and Counseling Psychology, Tokyo, August 2019
    https://clinical-psychology.psychiat...-committee.php

    "Narcissists and psychopaths dissociate (erase memories) a lot (are amnesiac) because their contact with the world and with others is via a fictitious construct: the False Self. Narcissists never experience reality directly but through a distorting lens darkly. They get rid of any information that challenges their grandiose self-perception and the narrative they had constructed to explicate, excuse, and legitimize their antisocial, self-centred, and exploitative behaviors, choices, and idiosyncrasies.

    In an attempt to compensate for the yawning gaps in memory, narcissists and psychopaths confabulate: they invent plausible "plug ins" and scenarios of how things might, could, or should have plausibly occurred. To outsiders, these fictional stopgaps appear as lies. But the narcissist fervently believes in their reality: he may not actually remember what had happened - but surely it could not have happened any other way!

    These tenuous concocted fillers are subject to frequent revision as the narcissist's inner world and external circumstances evolve. This is why narcissists and psychopaths often contradict themselves. Tomorrow's confabulation often negates yesterday's. The narcissist and psychopath do not remember their previous tales because they are not invested with the emotions and cognitions that are integral parts of real memories."

    Each breath a gift...
    _____________

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