Able to laugh put it here on this thread if you are ...yes make me laugh , i beg...

[Tango]

Advertisement off of Craigs List....

broken microwave. door wont open, otherwise it works $5

Bwahahahahahahahahahahahaha.......


Trooly.


Tango

[Tango]

Even Big Bird get's his opinion on Obamacare....

Vje2FtM_itw


See... What you find when you go to You Tube...


Trooly,


Tango

[mudra]

4CaK8zYgD0E&

Laugh always
mudra

[Tango]

I dedicate this to David Wilcock... Dude... your choice's In Life...

Your choice's of women... are as bad as Your Choice for President...


This is not a joke-- it is the most serious risk to your health since the 1918 flu epidemic.



Gonorrhea Lectim

The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new

virulent strain of Sexually Transmitted Disease. The disease is

contracted through dangerous and high-risk behavior. The disease is

called Gonorrhea Lectim..And pronounced " Gonna re-elect ‘em."

Many victims contracted it in 2008, after having been screwed for the

Past Two Years. People of California... GET OFF YOUR ASSETS....


Naturalists and epidemiologists are amazed at how

destructive this disease has become since it is easily cured....by voting


Hey... Sincerely, David, maby you should try DRINKING... Time to get a REAL life...


Trooly,



Tango

[Tango]

True for the U.S.


We are in trouble...
The population of this country is 300 million.


160 million are retired.


That leaves 140 million to do the work.


There are 85 million in school.


Which leaves 55 million to do the work.


Of this there are 35 million employed by the federal government.


Leaving 20 million to do the work.



2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing others.


Which leaves 17.2 million to do the work.


Take from that total the 15.8 million people who work for state and city
Governments. And that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.


At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals.


Leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.


Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.


That leaves just two people to do the work.


You and me.


And there you are,



Sitting on your A$$,



At your computer, reading jokes.



Nice.

Real nice.




Trooly,


Tango

[iainl140285]

Number One Idiot of 2008.

I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the
poison control centre..
Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little
daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not
harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the
hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to
mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to
kill the ants.. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the
emergency room right away..


Number Two Idiot of 2008.

Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal
a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out
of the plane and home.
Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a
Westpac Rescue Helicopter coming towards them..
It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator
beacon that activated when the raft was inflated.. They are no longer
employed at Boeing..


Number Three Idiot of 2008.

A man, wanting to rob a Bank of Queensland , walked into the Branch and
wrote 'Put all your muny in this bag.'
While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began
to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the
police before he reached the teller's window.. So he left the Bank and
crossed the street to the NAB Bank.. After waiting a few minutes in
line, he handed his note to the teller. She read it and, surmising from
his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbour,
told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was
written on a Bank of Queensland deposit slip and that he would either,
have to fill out a NAB deposit slip or go back to Bank of Queensland ..
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, 'OK' and left..
He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at.
the Bank of Queensland .


Number Four Idiot of 2008.

A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all
of the cash from the cash drawer..
After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of
Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf.. He told the
cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said,
'Because I don't believe you are over 21.' The robber said he was, but
the clerk still refused to give it to him because she didn't believe
him.. At this point, the robber took his driver's licence out of his
wallet and gave it to the clerk..
The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and
she put the Scotch in the bag.. The robber then ran from the store with
his loot..
The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of
the robber that she got off the licence. They arrested the robber two
hours later..


Number Five Idiot of 2008

A pair of robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers.. The
first one shouted, 'Nobody move!' When his partner moved, the startled
first bandit shot him..


Number Six Idiot of 2008.

Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly.. He decided that he'd just
throw a brick through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run..
So he lifted the brick and heaved it over his head at the window.. The.
brick bounced back knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store
window was made of Flexi-Glass.. The whole event was caught on
videotape... Perth WA


IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE:

My daughter went to a local McDonalds and ordered a burger..
She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.' He said
he was sorry, but they only had iceberg..
Happened in Surfers Paradise !!!


IDIOT SIGHTING:

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee
asked, ''Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your
knowledge?? To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how
would I know??' He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'
Happened in Melbourne .


IDIOT SIGHTING:

When my husband and I arrived at a car dealers to pick up our car, we
were told the keys had been locked in it..
We went to the service department and found a mechanic working
feverishly to unlock the drivers side door..
As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door
handle and discovered that it was unlocked.
'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'its open!'
His reply, 'I know - I already got that side.'
This was at the FORD dealership Dubbo.

[xbusymom]

after reading the employment statistics to my son... he (so astutely concluded)... "No Wonder nothing gets done!"

:roll1::roll1:

[iainl140285]

> Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A Mobile phone on a
> bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker function and begins to
> talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
>
>
> MAN:
> 'Hello'
>
> WOMAN: 'Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?'
>
> MAN: 'Yes'
>
>
> WOMAN: 'I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's
> only £500. Is it OK if I buy it?'
>
> MAN: 'Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.'
>
> WOMAN: 'I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2009
> Models. I saw one I really liked.'
>
> MAN: 'How much?'
>
> WOMAN:
> '£65.000
>
> MAN: 'OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.'
>
>
> WOMAN: 'Great! Oh, and one more thing...the house I wanted last year is
> back on the market. They're asking £750,000.
>
> MAN: 'Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of £700,000. They will
> probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand if it's really A
> pretty good price.'
>
> WOMAN: 'OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!'
>
> MAN: 'Bye! I love you, too.'
>
>
> The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in
> astonishment, mouths agape.
>
> He turns and asks:
>
> "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

[Tango]

Iain,

I'm still Laughing... Than, I found this...



bT0-WFsP0sM (bT0-WFsP0sM)



Still Laughing... I think I posted it 20 pages back...

Where's Dantheman... He alway's posted funny Shat...


Trooly,


Tango

[Dantheman62]

Hey Tango, I'm still lurking...Don't really like the atmosphere here anymore, LOL

I don't remember if I've posted these before, but I'll post them anyway! LOL


Three Ladies in a SaunaThree women, two younger and one senior
citizen, were sitting naked in a sauna. Suddenly there’s a beeping
sound. One of the young women pressed her forearm and the beep stopped.

The other looks at her questioningly, “that was my pager” she said,
“I have a microchip under the skin of my arm”.
A few minutes later, a phone rang. The second young woman lifted her
palm to her ear, when she finished she explained. “That was my mobile
phone, I have a microchip in my hand”.The older woman felt very low
tech, not to be out done, she decided she had to do something just as
impressive. She stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom.
When she returned a piece of toilet paper was hanging from her rear
end.

The other two women raised their eyebrows and stared embarrassingly at
her.

The older woman without missing a beat finally said……..”Well, will
you look at that – I’m getting a FAX!!!!”









So, after landing my new job as a Wal-Mart
> greeter, a good
> > > find for
> > > many retirees, I lasted less than a day......
> > >
> > > About two hours into my first day on the job a
> very loud,
> > > unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the
> store with
> > > her two
> > > kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way
> through the
> > > entrance.
> > > As I had been instructed, I said pleasantly,
> 'Good
> > > morning, and welcome
> > > to Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there. Are
> they
> > > twins?'
> > >
> > > The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to
> say,
> > > 'Hell no, they
> > > ain't twins. The oldest one's 9, and the
> other
> > > one's 7. Why the
> > > hell would you think they're twins? Are you
> blind, or
> > > just stupid?'
> > >
> > > So I replied, 'I'm neither blind nor
> stupid,
> > > Ma'am, I just couldn't
> > > believe you got laid twice. Have a good day and
> thank you
> > > for
> > > shopping at Wal-Mart.'
> > >
> > > My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out
> for this
> > > line of work.








LITTLE GIRL ON A PLANE

A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the
airplane when the stranger turned to her and said,
'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you
strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.'

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed
it slowly and said to the stranger, 'What would you
like to talk about?'

'Oh, I don't know,' said the stranger.. 'How about
nuclear power?' and he smiles.

OK, ' she said. 'That could be an interesting topic.
But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow,
and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass - .. Yet a
deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a
flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried
grass. Why do you suppose that is?'

The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl's
intelligence, thinks about it and says, 'Hmmm, I have
no idea.....'

To which the little girl replies, 'Do you really feel
qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know
sh..t?

[xbusymom]

some of this food is just plain fun...

http://photobucket.com/images/food%20art/

[metaw3]

The Stargate interview:
http://projectavalon.net/forum/showthread.php?t=19633

[feardia]

http://www.welcomethelight.com/wp-content/uploads/Bizarro2012pic.gif

[Anchor]

Chuck Norris once visited The Virgin Islands

Shortly thereafter, they had to be renamed "The Islands"

A..

[metaw3]

A fresh new Jon Lajoie :naughty:

QDgHO15Bb58

[pedro m.b.]

http://i130.photobucket.com/albums/p275/El-Jeffe/funny.jpg

[Tango]

MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU
Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.


Please select from the following options menu:

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our operators are too busy to talk with you.

If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won’t be crazy forever... You'll make it...

If you are blonde, don’t press any buttons, you’ll just mess it up....LOL, [I cleaned this one up...]

This coming week is National Mental Health Care week. You can do your part by remembering to contact at least one unstable person to show you care....

Well, my job here is done...


Trooly,



Tango

[aroundthetable]

zen Teachings

1.�Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact, just **** off and leave me alone.�

2.�Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

3.�Never test the depth of the water with both feet.�

4.�If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.�

5.�Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes..�

6.�If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.�

7.�Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

8.�If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it.�

9.�If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything..�

10.�Some days you are the bug; some days you are the wind screen.�

11.�Good judgment comes from bad experience ... and most of that comes from bad judgment.�

12.�A closed mouth gathers no foot.�

13.�There are two excellent theories for arguing with women.. Neither one works.�

14..�Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.�

15.�Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.�

16.�We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our ass ... then things just keep getting worse.�

17.�Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.�

[Tango]

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life,
between the legs of me wife!"

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night."
She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" John said, "Here's to spending
the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."

"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner.

The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub
with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only
been in there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time
I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."


LOL.... I don't think I would want to get my ear's pulled to go to chruch.


Trooly,



Tango

[john kennedy]

lol

[lindabaker]

Subject: Bad Tooth





A man walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter, and sees that it's filled to the brim with $10 bills. He guesses there must be at least ten thousand dollars in it. He approaches the bartender and asks, "What's with the money in the jar?"

"Well..., you pay $10, and if you pass three tests, you get all the money in the jar and the keys to a brand new Lexus."

The man certainly isn't going to pass this up, so he asks, "What are the three tests?"

"You gotta pay first," says the bartender, "those are the rules."

So, after thinking it over a while, the man gives the bartender $10 which he stuffs into the jar...

"Okay," says the bartender, "here's what you need to do:

First - You have to drink a whole quart of tequila, in 60 seconds or less, and you can't make a face while doing it."



"Second - There's a pit bull chained in the backwith a bad tooth. You have to remove that tooth with your bare hands."


"Third - There's a 90-year old lady upstairs who's never had sex. You have to take care of that problem."



The man is stunned! "I know I paid my $10 -- but I'm not an idiot! I won't do it! You'd have to be nuts to drink a quart of tequila and then do all those other things!"

"Your call," says the bartender, "but, your money stays where it is."

As time goes on, the man has a few more drinks and finally says, "Where's the damn tequila?!"

He grabs the bottle with both hands and drinks it as fast as he can. Tears stream down both cheeks -- but he doesn't make a face -- and he drinks it in 58 seconds!
Next, he staggers out the back door where he sees the pit bull chained to a pole. Soon, the people inside the bar hear loud growling, screaming, and sounds of a terrible fight -- then nothing but silence!

Just when they think that the man surely must be dead, he staggers back into the bar. His clothes are ripped to shreds and he's bleeding from bites and gashes all over his body. He drunkenly says, "Now...., where's that old woman with the bad tooth?"

[no caste]

Condi Rice Freaks out

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CIqeeK6sntk

*language warning*

[whitefluffy]

:mfr_omg:A MAN WALKS into a bar?:mfr_lol::lmao:

[Tango]

Oooh.... [Laughing] That was way funny... [Laughing] I knew you had it in you... Probably gonna be the funniest of the day... You made mine...

Thank you...


Tango

[mudra]

Yogi Joke

Three yogis are performing a meditative vigil in a cave high in the Himalayas. One day there is a sound outside of the cave. Six months later one of the yogis says, "that was a tiger." The cave is silent once again. About a year later, another yogi says, "that wasn't a tiger it was a lion. Again the cave falls silent. About two years later the third yogi says, "If you two don't stop arguing I'm leaving."

Laugh Always
mudra

[mudra]

http://www.mahabodhi.net/dcat/images/toon-2.gif

"Sometimes when you think you're teaching others, they're teaching you!"

Laugh Always
mudra

[mudra]

http://www.mahabodhi.net/dcat/images/toon-13.gif

http://www.mahabodhi.net/dcat/images/toon-15.gif

DHARMA THE CAT SAYS: "Some things are better left unsaid!"

Laugh Always
mudra

[whitefluffy]

:mfr_lol::lmao::naughty:

mudra,
sooooooooo funnnnneeeeeee, still chuckling.

[Gnosis5]

http://www.mahabodhi.net/dcat/images/toon-2.gif

"Sometimes when you think you're teaching others, they're teaching you!"

Laugh Always
mudra

I have probably posted this before but I was intrigued that the french word/concept for teaching and learning is the same word, "apprende".

[TigaHawk]

If my facial expression in this doesnt make you laugh, i failed miserably :lol3:


http://photos-a.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash1/hs292.ash1/21955_322531377574_571192574_4929861_1462677_n.jpg

[Dantheman62]

I don't care who you are...this is just funny!



Is YOUR New Year off to a good start?

Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel "pick up your shovel, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the promised land"..

Nearly 75 years ago, Roosevelt said, "Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a camel, this is the promised land"..

Now Government has stolen your shovel, taxed your asses, raised the price of camels, and mortgaged the promised land!

Furthermore, I was so depressed last night thinking about Health Care Plans, the economy, the wars, lost jobs, savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc... I called Lifeline, the suicide help line. Got a freakin' call center in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal. They all got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.



Have a great day!

[Swanny]

The Darwins are out!!!

Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.



Here is the glorious winner:



1. When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach California , would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.



And now, the honorable mentions:



2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.



3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.



4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.



5.. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.



6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer... $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?]



7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.



8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."



9.. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away. [ A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER ]



10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

[Tango]

Bringing one back.........

The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman.

And she was somewhat upset. 'You disrespectful swine!' she cried. 'How can you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce right away!'

And the husband replied, 'Hang on just a minute, love, so at least I can tell you what happened.' 'Go ahead,' she sobbed,' but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!'

And the husband began -- 'Well, I was getting into the
car to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenceless that I took pity on her and let her into the car.

I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days.

So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.

Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away.

Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but
don't wear because you say they are too tight.

I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't wear because I don't have good taste.

I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair the same.'

The husband took a quick breath and continued - 'She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said,

'Please ... Do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use? Welll....


Tango

[iainl140285]

Bringing one back.........

The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman.

And she was somewhat upset. 'You disrespectful swine!' she cried. 'How can you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce right away!'

And the husband replied, 'Hang on just a minute, love, so at least I can tell you what happened.' 'Go ahead,' she sobbed,' but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!'

And the husband began -- 'Well, I was getting into the
car to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenceless that I took pity on her and let her into the car.

I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days.

So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.

Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away.

Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but
don't wear because you say they are too tight.

I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't wear because I don't have good taste.

I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair the same.'

The husband took a quick breath and continued - 'She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said,

'Please ... Do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use? Welll....


Tango

:lmao::lmfao::mfr_lol::mfr_lol:

CLASS! :thumb_yello:

:roll1::roll1::roll1:

[Gnosis5]

Able to Laugh:

<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/Iys86OcXPY8&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/Iys86OcXPY8&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>

[Gnosis5]

<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/dtbFewSLOek&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/dtbFewSLOek&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>

[Gnosis5]

Laughter is a form of rejection:

Had enough yet, LOL!


<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/5P6UU6m3cqk&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/5P6UU6m3cqk&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>

[Gnosis5]

<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/26a8JITwImQ&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/26a8JITwImQ&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>

[Gnosis5]

<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/FdPrTqI9dN0&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/FdPrTqI9dN0&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>

[Zenbuoy]

http://projectavalon.net/forum/picture.php?albumid=77&pictureid=8401:naughty:

[Gnosis5]

:lmao::lmfao::lmao::lmfao::lol3::lol3::lol3::roll1 :

[metaw3]

Tax advice found on the IRS website:

http://www.irs.gov/publications/p17/ch12.html#en_US_publink1000172143
Stolen property. If you steal property, you must report its fair market value in your income in the year you steal it unless in the same year, you return it to its rightful owner.Here too: http://failblog.org/2010/02/05/tax-advice-fail/

[Tango]

Part of doing the Healing List is To ALSO ' tickle ' your funny bone.....

CAN YOU HEAR ME.... N O W . . . . .

Trooly,


Tango






:lmao::lmfao::mfr_lol::mfr_lol:

CLASS! :thumb_yello:

:roll1::roll1::roll1:

[Tango]

Know how to have a Peaceful day at work... Just play this...


LcMQVCSdk-M


LOL...... Laughing...


Trooly,


Tango

[Tango]

A New One.... From Bud

Laughing.... Your going to Love it....

2bZ-ixrgDr4


Trooly,


Tango

[es7ter]

2 days ago I woke up after 4 hours of sleep and these were my first thoughts. It started my day with laughing out loud...

Cheap entertainment for the really board: “Cockroach catching with knife and fork” and “advanced rug fluff counting”.

I might have visited funny land during those four sleeping hours and these were the gifts I brought back from there.

:mfr_lol::blush-anim-cl:

[lindabaker]

Best Diet Ever by Linda:

Breakfast

1 grapefruit
1 slice whole wheat toast
1 cup skim milk


Lunch

1 small portion lean, steamed chicken
1 cup spinach
1 cup herbal tea
1 Hershey's chocolate kiss


Afternoon Tea

The rest of the Hershey Kisses in the bag
1 tub of chocolate ice cream with chocolate chips


Dinner

4 glasses of wine (red or white)
2 loaves garlic bread
1 family size supreme pizza
3 Snickers Bars


Late Night Snack

1 whole Sarah Lee cheesecake (eaten directly from the freezer)

[xbusymom]

Best Diet Ever by Linda:



Haha- the point is to accomplish whatever you say you are going to do, right?

SO - whenever my mother did a food-treatment to "live better"

She never called them "A Diet" - (Die-it), she always reffered to them as-

"Live-its"

[Gnosis5]

Hmmmm, well,when I was "fastiing", I was moving "faster"?????


cheers!
Gnosis

[Gnosis5]

Jim Cline is Moderator of the Laughter Forum.


http://www.laughteryoga.us/forum/

[Tango]

Apology Bot... 3000... I need to get one of these....

Think It'll work... Naaaaa... Says, it's Always worth it...


bOuI3eVUQY8&NR=1 (bOuI3eVUQY8&NR=1)


Bwahahahahahahahaha........

Not so trooly,


Tango

[rhythm]

JHEmKmoNYhs

[Tango]

Commercial for Nolan Chedder

bJ8AIZyHc2w
(bJ8AIZyHc2w)

Trooly,


Tango

[rhythm]

HIrarF3mcIc

[rhythm]

OCbvCRkl_4U
Classic:lol3:

[rhythm]

T70-HTlKRXo

[Brinty]

Many years ago there was this bloke by the name of Kissinger (no, not the famous one) he got fed up with people joking about his name so he had it changed by Deed Poll from Kissinger to Thompson. After a couple of years he got fed up again and so had it changed to Wilson. It seems that he had a problem with that too after a few years, so he changed it again - in fact, he changed it so many times over the years, that people started singing this song . . .

<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/XIjnA9iYRro&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/XIjnA9iYRro&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>

[Tango]

The World has changed...

Lesson to be learned from typing the wrong email address:

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years before.

Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minneapolis and flew to Florida with his wife flying down the following day.

The husband checked into the hotel and, unlike years ago, there was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address and, without noticing his error, hit "send".

Meanwhile... somewhere in Houston , a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory after suffering a heart attack.

The widow decided to check her email, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted.

The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and then glanced up and saw the computer screen which read:



Date: Saturday, Feb 6, 2010

To: My loving Wife

Subject: I have Arrived!

Dearest Love,

I know you are surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I have just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow, and look forward to seeing you than.

Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.


P.S. Sure is freaking hot down here !

Sometimes, it's good to know 'Who' it is, behind that screen... Things, MAY NOT be
as they appear... hmmmmmm... Look, what it did to this poor lady... So, what
made her pass out... hearing, from her loved one via computer.... Or, that
P.S. at the end... He, was a minster (spiritual) a leader... " Sure is freaking
hot down here..."

I don't know... So, what is behind the curtain of Who's Reading This. LOL...
Bwahahahahahahahahahahahaha......

Just, to give You something to THINK about... Is it Just " Words "......

Are they REAL....? Those, behind the screen...? Watch those emails... LOL.
Should THEY, be giving advice... Their life, maybe as messed up as yours...LOL
Better, to trust your own consciousness... She Passed Out...!!! [It's just a joke] LOL...


Trooly,


Tango

[rhythm]

http://gurusgohome.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/05/foilhat.jpg:naughty:

[xbusymom]

The World has changed...

Lesson to be learned from typing the wrong email address:


maybe it was the statement-
" I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow..., "

muhahaha...

[raulduke]

Random (Innovative) Subway Hero :thumb_yello:

QdkjoN64-IE

Sweet pants at your ankles staredown.:lol3:

[Tango]

See, now, I love these eye brows... I'm, going to practice this in the mirror...

OMG... I need to 'bush wack' these things, first... LOL... I THINK these hat's

are going to become a Classic... LOL... Rhythmmm... You cut me UP...

Trooly,

Tango

http://gurusgohome.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/05/foilhat.jpg:naughty:

[Tango]

Xbusy...

LOL .... Than, She should pack UP...

7bd5YUEOwlE


No Time To Waste..... LOL...

Trooly,


Tango

maybe it was the statement-
" I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow..., "

muhahaha...

[Tango]

I JUST LOVE THESE HEADLINES...IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH THE TRAINING WE ARE GIVING TO OUR JOURNALISTS?

Proof reading is a dying art, wouldn't you say....?


Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter

This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!! They put in a correction the next day.



Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

Ya think ?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

Now that's taking things a bit far !

-----------------------------------------------------------

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

What a stud !

---------------------------------------------------------------

Miners Refuse to Work after Death

good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!

------------------------------------------------------

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

See if that works any better than a fair trial!

----------------------------------------------------------

War Dims Hope for Peace

I can see where it might have an effect !

----------------------------------------------------------------

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile

Probably the same guy who wrote the Jet Crash headline!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

Who would have thought!

----------------------------------------------------------------

Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

They may be on to something!

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?

----------------------------------------------------------

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge

He obviously WAS the battery charge!

----------------------------------------------

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

Weren't they fat enough?!

-----------------------------------------------

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

That's what he gets for eating all those pork-&-beans!

---------------- ---------------------------------



Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

Chainsaw Massacre all over again!

************************************************** *



And the winner is....

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead



Did I read that right?

************************************************** *





Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity, at least once a day.....!


Trooly,


Tango






P.S.
Education... has produced a vast population able to read but unable to distinguish what is worth reading.
G. M. Trevelyan (1876 - 1962), English Social History (1942)

[Tango]

So, I watch this guy, get ready to cut his grass......

AND THAN.....


5Jj8_87VDHc
(5Jj8_87VDHc)


Trooly,


Tango

[Tango]

So, I'm sitting there and this guy comes out...

OMG... I don't care what you say... he's funny...

He makes everyday things funny.....

U3HnUfqCBfc

" It's G O O D T O B E A L I V E "....

Reely trooly,


Tango


LOL

[Freedom]

Tango....here is one for you....
I hope that you haven't seen this yet...
and that you find it funny....:roll1:
and not offensive....no harm intended....
just another strange bit of humor.:lmao::smoke:

Freedom


tXxRjC5C7e8

[Tango]

If, I had the Ability on Avalon to do Awards... You would get the Best Video

" Post for the Day ..." I, probably disturbed the neighbors.... Laughing...

Nice Freedom... It's important to Laugh... Everyday... Hard...


Trooly,


Tango

[Magamud]

Quite apropos

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WudBfRa0ETw

[rhythm]

sorry i saw this already posted hence edit here ...

[pedro m.b.]

i had god laughs here:roftl:
for me cartoons are one of the best way to have a good laugh :naughty:

religion and politics have nice ones:biggrin2:

enjoy some


http://homepage.mac.com/dmhart/iblog/C437552202/E1888763686/Media/TabDanishCartoons.gif

http://amideastchangeofcourse.org/4-9Mirror-on-Apartheid-Wall.jpg

http://amideastchangeofcourse.org/782.jpg

http://www.cagle.com/news/BLOG/BLOGgifs/2006-02-03-Pomsta-2.jpg

http://hackcartoonsdiary.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/pope_condoms_popjam.jpg

http://www.iconbusters.com/iconbusters/htm/sex_crimes/lechery/images/1.gif

http://www.iconbusters.com/iconbusters/htm/sex_crimes/lechery/images/6.gif

http://www.polyp.org.uk/cartoons/misc/polyp_cartoon_religion.jpg

http://waxingpoetically.today.com/files/2008/09/heller.gif

http://cagle.com/news/Horsey_Pulitzer/Horsey/cartoon20020425.gif

:lmao:
pedro

[Tango]

I'm going to cal this one " Just Fred..."

A cop stops a 'Harley' for traveling faster than the posted speed limit, and asks the biker his name.

" Fred,"... he replies.
" 'Fred what..? " the officer asks.

" Just Fred," the man responds.

The officer is in a good mood as officers are and, thinks he might just give the biker a break and, write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name. The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. "Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name..?"

The biker replies, " It's a long story, so stay with me. I was born Fred Johnson... I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD. After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through School, got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS."

Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD. Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD. Then, the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD.

" Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now I am just Fred."

The officer walked away in tears... [laughing... this story has never been topped...]


Trooly,


Tango

[Fredkc]

" Just Fred," eh?

Must be my cue:

A man lies dieing in a hospital bed. His wife is bedside. He awakens for a moment, looks at his wife, and says,

"Honey you are amazing.
When I lost my job, you were there for me.
When I spent our savings opening a business, you never faltered.
When things got tough, you even took a part time job.
When we lost the business, and the house, you never complained.
When I got sick, you pitched in like a trooper.
When the doctor said I'd never leave this bed, well... you've not left my side once.Listening to this, his wife looked on lovingly. Slowly her eyes filled with tears...
After all we've been through, I've just got to say this:Honey... I think you're bad luck."
_________________________________________________

So... I got into a little bumper thumper, the other day.
I wasn't looking and ran into the back of another car.
When the driver got out, I was surprised to see he was a dwarf.

He trundled back to my window, looked in and said, "I am not Happy!"

I looked back at him and asked, "Ok, so which one are you?"

...and that's when the fight started.
_________________________________________________


Ok, just caught ahold of a great mood, since I managed to kill the
Virus From Hell on the wife's Kaput-er. So...

Oldies but goodies perhaps, but goodies all the same:

The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly

TFoS9bho2Ww

Chinese Teenage Angst:

x1LZVmn3p3o


Fred

[Fredkc]

and if that's not enough...

And an homage to all the "Chinese Flying Movies"
using Ping Pong:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-dcmDscwEcI

[aroundthetable]

Ive got alzheimers but at least i havent got alzheimers!! :lmao:

[Freedom]

Thought this would inspire us all...
to get up and DANCE!

My hats off to them....
those who are having fun!!!:lol3:

dIsLsDXXJUE




Namaste......Freedom

[lindabaker]

LIFE....

A short guy is sitting at a bar just staring at his drink
for half an hour when this big, trouble-making biker
steps next to him, grabs his drink, gulps it down in one
swig and then turns to the guy with a menacing
stare as if to say, 'What'cha gonna do about it?"

The poor little guy starts crying. "Come on man, I was just giving you a
hard time," the biker says. "I didn't think you'd CRY.
I can't stand to see a man crying."
"This is the worst day of my life," says the little guy
between sobs. "I can't do anything right. I
overslept and was late to an important meeting, so my boss fired me. When
I went to the parking lot, I found my car was stolen and I don't have
any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home."
He continues, crying even harder. "Then I found my wife in bed with
the gardener and my dog bit me.
So, I came to this bar trying to work up the courage to put an end to my life,
and then you showed up and drank the damn poison.."

[Freedom]

What a HOOT!!!! :lmao:


DalB-CvO7Qc

[gita]

Toilet comedy.

xJhKmBbxeJI

[Dantheman62]

http://www.visualjokes.com/pics/talibdate.jpg

[greybeard]

Scottish Humour

A Scottish couple decided to go to Spain to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.

Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Glasgow and flew to Barcelona on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Blackpool, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who died following a heart attack.

The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted.

The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: October 16, 2008

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones.

I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that
Everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. It's bloody hot down here!

[Tango]

you still cut me up... LOL

I Swear I've heard this recently... It's, Still funny, even in Europe, And Spain
is close to my heart.....

Hey I found this one... It's Cute watch out for the tootin'... It could be loaded. LOL...

http://www.orapois.com/br/arquivos/09102003084653755g.swf

Trooly,

Tango



Scottish Humour

A Scottish couple decided to go to Spain to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.

Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Glasgow and flew to Barcelona on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Blackpool, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who died following a heart attack.

The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted.

The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: October 16, 2008

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones.

I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that
Everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. It's bloody hot down here!

[Tango]

Just found this site... Funny as all _ell....

The stuff my dad says....

http://twitter.com/****mydadsays Avalon blocked this so do a google search on: Sheet my dadsays...


Trooly,


Tango

[Tango]

Redneck water Sking....

d3ElRZfXuuM
(d3ElRZfXuuM)

Laughing... LOL... LOL.... LOL....


Tango

[amate]

A WOMAN'S WEEK AT THE GYM

This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.


Dear Diary,
For my birthday this year, my Husband (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.
Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.
My husband seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started.
The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

________________________________
MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Christo waiting for me.
He is something of a Greek god - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!

Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today.
Very inspiring!
Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around.
This is going to be a FANTASTIC week !!

________________________________
TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door.
Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. His rewarding smile made it all worthwhile.
I feel GREAT !! It's a whole new life for me.

_______________________________
WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.

Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.

My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Christo told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other **** too.

_______________________________
THURSDAY:
******* C was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl.
I couldn't help being a half an hour late - it took me that long to tie my shoes.
He took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny little bitch to find me.
Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.

_________________________________
FRIDAY:
I hate that ******* Christo more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little aerobic instructor. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it.

Christo wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.
The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?

__________________________
SATURDAY:
Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today.
Just hearing his voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.

________________________________
SUNDAY:
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over.
I will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds !!!

[5thElement]

For all of you who have or have ever had a cat::lmao:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w0ffwDYo00Q

El

[amate]

Except for that club.....that was my cat :lmfao:
She used to wake my husband by pulling his moustache with her tiny little teeth.....I shouldn't dare it ...LOL

[Tango]

Two sisters, one blond and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble.

In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull from the stockyard in a far town so that they can
breed their own stock. They only have $600 left.

Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."

The brunette arrives at the stockyard, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less.

After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.."

The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word."

Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.

After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, " I want you to send her the word 'comfortable.'"

The operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and dr ive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word "comfortable?"

The brunette explains, "My sister's a blonde. The word's big. She'll read it very slowly ... com-for-da-bull." Laughing... See, some know how to talk blond.

Trooly,


Tango


.

[amate]

Being a blond, I suddenly feel very comfortable:blink:

IT'S ALL DOWN TO PERSPECTIVES...

* I used to eat a lot of natural foods - until I learned that most
people die of natural causes.

* There are two kinds of pedestrians - the quick and the dead.

* Life is sexually transmitted.

* Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

* The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

* Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals
dying of nothing.

* Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

* All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention
to criticism.

* In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world
is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

* How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a
whole box to start a campfire?

* Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll
squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out?'

* If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

* Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

* Does pushing the elevator button more than once make It arrive faster?

* Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?


Love and Hugs

A giggle a day make you eat less Apples !

[lindabaker]

oops can some one tell me how to embed youtube now? For those of you who don't mind Old news, and don't want to wait for me to embed: go to Kitty is a very BAD mystic. Cat attempts to channel spirit of mouse.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9bTbAsmPOKo

[Dog]

Dear Lord,

Last year you took away my favorite actor, Patrick Swayze,
my favorite actress, Farah Fawcett,
my favorite musician, Michael Jackson,
and my favorite salesman, Billy Mayes.

I just wanted to let you know that my favorite president is Obama.

Amen.


Stan

[anikohu]

:lmaoThanks rhythm for opening this thread, with due respect to Antaletriangle who already opened a thread with the same intentions.

http://www.hepcstraightup.com/AvoidStress.jpg

Love, Laugh and enjoy Life!

gemeos
:lmao::mfr_lol:

[no caste]

Taliban singles .... lol :mfr_lol:

bakeries, taking notes:

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_wGr8njEWjtI/S4Nnx0u5kpI/AAAAAAAAHQI/tnufRi-nrSc/s400/michele+k.ow.carnival+thomas+the+train.jpg

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_wGr8njEWjtI/S4NnxDc2iYI/AAAAAAAAHP4/eWnZ3zei7ZE/s400/Sandy+S.ow.misunderstanding+%28story%29+copy.jpg

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_wGr8njEWjtI/S4NnxoyRMJI/AAAAAAAAHQA/gyEGi-ZQ2WU/s400/laurisa+r.ow.birthday+photo+copy.jpg

http://www.crainium.net/jdjArchives/CakeWrecks.jpg

http://sugarsleuth.files.wordpress.com/2009/10/badcake.jpg

http://alt.coxnewsweb.com/shared-blogs/austin/food2/upload/2009/09/cake_wrecks_contest_cook_signi/100_0012.JPG

[Freedom]

What do you get if you cross a donkey
with an onion?


Most of the time you simply get an onion with long ears,

but every once in a while,

you luck out and get a piece of a$$ that brings tears to your eyes

[Freedom]

A TRIP TO COSTCO

Deleted....sorry if I offend you...

Namaste.....Freedom

[Kulapops]

I am just wetting myself over those cakes...

:roll1:

and that cat is just too cute 5thelement...

Thx

[Mercuriel]

Q - Why will the Clock at Work never get stolen ?

A - Because everyones always watching It...

:punk:

[Kulapops]

I'm sorry but having visited cakewrecks.com... the tears are just rolling down my face.. I don't think I've laughed so hard in ages.

A helpless, gurgling puddle of pure joy. I don't know why I found it sooo funny, but it just gets me. Each scroll down would produce another howl.. the frogs on the home page... and the balloons with 20010 on... I mean...

life.. does... not ... get any better than this....

http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/search/label/Creative%20Grammar

thank you for making my whole year worthwhile so far...

K x

[xbusymom]

A TRIP TO COSTCO



:mfr_omg:... there's your proof of the sheeple brain

[Kulapops]

Ok.. for anyone in need of a chuckle still today, I propose some very silly british humour.

Any similarities to anyone or place real or fictional is purely coincidental.

No offence intended :original:

http://<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/lfGpVcdqeS0&hl=en_GB&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/lfGpVcdqeS0&hl=en_GB&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>

[Freedom]

Bill Gates and the Pearly Gates


"Well, Bill," said "God, "I'm really confused on this one. I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in the world, and yet you created that ghastly Windows. I'm going to do something I've never done before. I'm going to let you decide where you want to go."

Mr. Gates replied, "Well, thanks, God. What's the difference between the two?" God said, "You can take a peek at both places briefly if it will help you decide. Shall we look at Hell first?"

"Sure!" said Bill, "Let's go!" Bill was amazed! He saw a clean, white sandy beach with clear waters. There were thousands of beautiful men and women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining and the temperature was perfect! Bill said, "This is great! If this is Hell, I can't wait to see heaven."

To which God replied, "Let's go!" and off they went.
Bill saw puffy white clouds in a beautiful blue sky with angels drifting about playing harps and singing. It was nice, but surely not as enticing as Hell. Mr. Gates thought for only a brief moment and rendered his decision.

"God, I do believe I would like to go to Hell." "As you desire," said God.
Two weeks later, God decided to check up on the late billionaire to see how things were going. He found Bill shackled to a wall, screaming amongst the hot flames in a dark cave. He was being burned and tortured by demons.
"How ya doin', Bill?" asked God. Bill responded with anguish and despair,
"This is awful! This is not what I expected at all!
What happened to the beach and the beautiful women playing in the water?"

"Oh THAT!" said God. "That was the screen saver."

[Kulapops]

I am sorry, but mylife has not been the same since No caste introduced me to cake wrecks yesterday...

Thank you so much for this no caste !

here's another wonderful collection...

http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/2010/01/2-way-to-ruin-cake.html

[I_Am]

25 years ago Gösta Ekman did these minimalistic sketches.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FSPXIMCAYW0&feature=PlayList&p=9BB3F7E39F4E21B8&index=0&playnext=1


Mr Bean's mentor? :mfr_lol:

[Tango]

.


Hold My Beer... I wanna try something... Hope it works... Watch This LOL


Anan-J76WkU

This should be something You shouldn't try... A stunt tractor. Dan the man...

What do you Think ! LOL


Trooly,



Tango


.

[Dantheman62]

HaHa, I love it!

[iainl140285]

.


Hold My Beer... I wanna try something... Hope it works... Watch This LOL


Anan-J76WkU

This should be something You shouldn't try... A stunt tractor. Dan the man...

What do you Think ! LOL


Trooly,



Tango


.

WOWZER!!!!!!!!!! :mfr_lol::thumb_yello:

[raulduke]

This should be something You shouldn't try...


:lol3: Agreed, but if watching that video did give anybody any ideas, you should watch this one too. :nono:

<object width="640" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/o2KEUV25kz0&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/o2KEUV25kz0&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="640" height="385"></embed></object>

[raulduke]

Breaking News: Some Bullsh!t Happening Somewhere

maybe NSFW (a few f bombs)
<object width="480" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/hsixS8lbMT0&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/hsixS8lbMT0&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="385"></embed></object>

[Gnosis5]

It took me about one minute after watching this to finally get the BS laugh going. Well done!!!

[lisa]

In case you haven't heard, there is a little known secret society called the Handsome Men's Club

MyGJXLxtVEo