How many here had ruff upbringing?

[Patchjacket]

Only two options?
How about "ruff upbringing resulting in extreme withdrawal overlayed with post traumatic stress disorder" ?


What's "normal"? Normal now isn't what normal was 40 years ago.

[Karen]

My parents were wonderful. My mother did her very best to make things very nice for us. Just a funny little twist on it is, she gave us everything she always wanted. Seriously, she's an angel and does a lot to help wherever she can.

But that didn't help the feeling that I am like an alien from Andromeda or something. I look around this world and shake my head in disbelief. I know there are worlds a zillion light years more advanced than here.

I don't know how to vote. I wouldn't call our family normal. It was dysfunctional in a different sort of way. I give thanks that is was not dysfunctional in the most horrible ways. I was truly blessed.

There was lots of love.
Love is who we are,
Karen

[Ampgod]

I understand that the choices are slim. There are many variables.
If you had to pick one which one is closer to your situation?

[SuperManny]

Definitely "Grew up hard and have been a rebel my whole life." altho I'm mellowing out a wee bit as I get older.

I'm pretty sure I don't even have a clue as to what a "normal" upbringing would be like.
Isn't that the 'National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws' or some such?

[Rareheart]

I checked "fairly normal" despite the fact that "normal" is relative.
My upbringing was not normal by todays standards. I had the concepts of respect and hard work beaten into me as a child. My father raised me the way he was raised...with a very heavy hand.
"Spare the whip, spoil the child" sort of thing.
Perhaps that's a big part of the reason I haven't had any children of my own.
I wouldn't want my kids to be afraid of me (like I was of my Dad), but I'm not sure how I would deal with discipline.
I credit my Dad with my hard working ethic, and my honesty.

[TruthWillSetUFree]

I haven't thought of my childhood in so long, but after reading your post ampgod, my memories came flooding back to me.

I grew up with 7 brothers. As the only girl in my family you would expect I was spoiled. I think it may have started out that way when I was a little girl.
But you know, "Boys will be boys" and I remember I had to learn how to be a good fighter. My oldest brother used to pit me and my younger brother against each other in a fight to the death on the living room floor.
By high school my fights escalated to other girls and I considered myself a hippy/greaser. Hippy because of my free spirit not to conform, greaser because I was a rebel and loved to fight.
I never felt a part of my family being the only girl and would find ways to get out of being at home.

While my mom was very loving, she, bless her heart, loved me when I was being 'good', which was fast becoming a non-existent behavior of mine.
I never measured up to what she thought was good, so I thought why bother to try. My dad was always working and never around.

I was kicked out of religion class, had many fun detentions at school, where desks were known to fly out of the second story windows, and I owned the hallways of my high school.
My boyfriend had already graduated but had a very fine muscle car I rode around in or we hung out at the McDonald's with the other fast cars. My life was perfect.

Then we moved when I was 16 out of state, where I lost all my coolness, had no friends, and found the wrong kind of kids to hang out with, and had my first experience with drugs.
To make it an even more fun experience my father lost his job for 5 years. He was used to working 3 jobs to keep food on the table. We had ice in our toilets in the winter from lack of money to buy heating oil, and no Christmas presents under the tree for years.

In between times there was abuse.

Looking back, all these experiences formed who I am today. I never felt like a victim of life and my happy disposition helped me continue to try to make my life better.
One year I worked two jobs just to give my family a Christmas. I still remember them waking up on Christmas morning. I had Andy Williams playing "White Christmas", there was a fire in the fireplace and presents and stockings filled the room! The look on their faces was my gift.

So to answer your question, my life was rough, but rewarding. I have a very close relationship with my brothers and completed my karmic agreements with my mother before she died. In a family of all men, her and I were best friends. I truly felt there were no more tears to cry, no more laughs to share as we were able to experience all the ups and downs of our relationship, and honestly communicate past hurts and upsets, in the end there was only love.

I learned there is no easy life, there is only life, and it is what you make of it given what you get.

Thanks for your thought provoking question.

[capreycorn]

this isn`t so easy really...so some received some physical beating
others got "killed" verbally...
the good old bible tells us to use the "rod"...
a short beating is over faster than a verbal conflict..

-the scars of physical punishment can be seen the scars of verbal abuse can`t be seen and last longer.

is a normal upbringing one where there was no beating but lots of verbal "bashing" ? and a ruff upbringing is one where the "rod" was used for discipline?

or is the ruff upbringing the one where constant verbal abuse and physical beating (black and blue on a daily basis) by some drunken parents was the norm?

[dagon]

I had it tough. single parent with 3 kids. I am the oldest. my mother didn't know what to do with me. set me free from day one. no consistency. lacking structure. I got beat regularly.

black sheep oh yes... from day 1.

[blastawaycas]

the oldest of 5 kids and from a hard working working class background my dad worked at the steelworks never had holidays (could'nt afford em) but i am and was the blacksheep

as a kid i always liked science fiction and believed that there was aliens and ufos as a result was treat like a geek by my family and friends, i remember being asked to recite my beliefs in front of uncles and aunts grandparents cousins laughed at as though i was some kind of circus side show i did not think that at the time i was a kid felt like i was being asked my opinion on something but did not realise that my own family were taking the ****.

Of course this all told in later years and i have no contact with my family at all and have no wish to, i went o to become a mechanical engineer have a partner of 25 years and 2 grown up kids they all know my beliefs my 23 year old daughter listens to theory with interest my son listens and makes up his own mind my partner tries not to look too much into it as it frightens her but is amazed at how what i relay to her comes to fruition

but it has made her wiser to the ways of the world

blacksheep ....yes

outcast ...... Certainly

[Jacqui D]

I came from a very dynsfunctional family but i wouldn't say it was rough!
I never got in trouble but am a bit of a rebel i have to say, i'm a child of the sixties i think this generation are all the same.
Something i read about this generation probably put in our DNA!

There were many secrets in my family,have one half sister and another we have never found we don't know what happened to her!
We think she may have been abdopted, it was just after the 2nd world war, there were many kids born back then through our mothers becoming embroiled with US, Canadian service men.

I have romany gipsy, scotish, irish, French in my blood quite a mix making me one hot head you may say!!

[alternative-answer]

I was born into care, return to the family home aged 3 1/2 until 5 where i was abused by my parents, then taken into care where I spent 11 years in a childrens home. I believed I was a nothing, a nobody, had no self esteem, self worth, I hated myself, my situation the world and thought the world hated me. I had lost my way, was a lost soul, I kept repeating my childhood experiences over and over again, just like ground hog day. I was so angry and internalised it which was destroying me from the inside, I kept hitting the self destruct button over and over again. The change started for me when I was 29, I started reading You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay and that book stated my journey of self discovery and utimately healing the past, letting go of the thoughts, beliefs and emotions that kept me tied to the past.
I couldn't be any happier now, I have everything I need and want for nothing. I am secure with myself and who I am and who I'm not, ultimately I love myself. This site was a great help. http://joy2meu.com/Innerchildhealing.html
http://joy2meu.com/Codependence1.html

[blastawaycas]

my partner denise is also the blacksheep of her family...hers was a strange upbringing left to be brought up by her nanna after her father tried to emigrate............. Was unsuccessful and as a result resented her and she was physically (beaten) and mentally abused by him.......... Despite the best efforts of her nanna..... She also was abused by her aunts who hated the fact there mother (her nanna) was raising her

at school was bullied and bullied as she had no belief in herself untill one day was bullied and set upon in the dinner queue

after dinner unable to do anything but go on the defensive she fought 4 girls older than her and put one girl in a coma for 2 weeks she got suspended

then beaten to an inch of her life off her abusive father

at 43 she is a very very successful keep fit instructor
quite a pussycat underneath her very cast iron exterior and is as hard as nails and suffers no fools as stated in an earlier post does not like to hear about all this nwo aliens ufos and history but i suspect she believes as much as i do

once again blacksheep.......yes (also 1 df 5 kids)
outcast............. Yes
scarred emotionally..... Definately

[sebring1963]

Does parochial school count?

[beanny]

to cut a long story short

extremely unhappy childhood
extreme sensitivity on my part too
came from upper class family and environment
nothing much rang real
and i devastated my family by stating...

"when i grow up i want to be poor"

lived up to that and more,
couldnt bare to have more than any person next to me
to the point i gave away my only sweater, and only t-shirt
etc


remained black sheep and outcast for many a year.

aventually discovered, there are many a heartless being and soulless beings no matter where
i used to see only the good in people, but now have trouble finding even that

recently largely accepted again. into my family as they learnt to know me
...now love my mum that i used to hate...saw her off to the other side.
bless her soul

will always be the black or multidimentional sheeeeep
but trully glad of it