Cutting/ Self-harm

[Chip]

Hello angeleyes,
I love that name by the way. Although I can't see you and don't even know you, I can see the beauty you are and possess.
Please listen to all that was said by the great souls above. Please don't hurt yourself anymore. It hurts me just hearing about it. Know that you are loved by yourself and seek to find this. And know that you are loved by all of humanity that's awakened and even by those that are asleep (same Love, just unrealized by the ego).
Have no fear and always seek to discover.
My prayers for you my dear girl.
LOVE
Chip

[ErtheVessel]

AngelEyes, you are on an important hero's journey. So many others understand the terrible pain and confusion of that journey, and many here are sharing their insights with you and important strategies that have worked for them. As you continue on your journey, you must find your own way, your own solutions; with your own instincts you can pick suggestions and ideas from everyone who supports you, but the journey is entirely yours, and in that is the worst pain and the greatest joy of it. In finding your own way, and you will, you grow your soul and the journey itself teaches you to trust yourself and love yourself and find your deep intrinsic worth.

Thank you for reaching out, because, even though the journey is profoundly personal and solitary, paradoxically it is also relational and interdependent. In some odd, magical way, others can hold the space for us, in compassion and respect, as we find our own authentic sovereignty and strength.

[1inMany]

Dearest AngelEyes,

Life can be so painful sometimes. Sometimes it is external crap, and sometimes it is internal. I hear you. And no, you aren't alone. Look how many people felt compelled to reach back to you in response to your plea.

I know a young lady who struggles with cutting. I have known many, actually. Too many. But this particular young lady wanted desperately to stop cutting. It was emotionally painful for her to see her scars after the fact, fresh or healed it didn't matter. And it was physically painful after the fact, like you said.

She learned something that worked for her from a therapist that helped her to stop cutting completely, and I want to share it with you. You may have already heard of this, but I wanted to share just in case. Her therapist told her that when she feels the urge to cut, she should take a very hot shower instead. The kind that almost scalds your skin. The pain of the hot water can be enough to be the release that cutting is, but it leaves no permanent marks or scars or soreness. While her skin was burning from the hot water, she would think of every single reason she wanted to cut, and would release it with the water.

At first, when she tried this, she had to take a scalding hot shower every time she wanted to cut. Over time, she got to where she would store up each reason she wanted to cut and take a scalding shower every night. When she couldn't shower, she would wash her hands with scalding hot water. It has been eight months and three days since she cut last. This might be something that works for you, but I know you have to be seriously done first.

Now. All that said...it would be such a great idea for you to find someone to talk to irl. And for those topics that just wouldn't fly somewhere else, you have all these loving souls here. I'm not a health care professional, I'm not an expert on Starseeds or anything. But I'm here if you need another person to check in with, someone to listen or whatnot. Looks like you have quite the list started of people willing to do that There is so much waiting for you to explore when you heal from this.

Much Love,

[Dennis Leahy]

Posted by peterpam (here)
AngelEyes, I do understand what you are saying. In the past, I have done the same thing. For me, it was a way to physically manifest the extreme psychic pain that I was dealing with. I guess it allowed me to change my point of focus from the psychic pain to the physical pain. What I discovered was that a lot of the psychic pain I was experiencing was happening because I refused to accept the here and now. I slowly learned to practice accepting people, places and things that I couldn't change. The more I am able to do this, the less pychic pain and depression I experience.

You can PM me any time if you like. I will always make myself available if you would like someone to listen to you. I am a very good listener.

With love an understanding,
Pam

I am so grateful to read your message, Pam. AngelEyes, please take this hand that is reaching out to you.

[matissathepissa]

Hi. There was a time when I felt angry, worthless, insignificant, and that I didn't belong. I felt guilty for being born. I would sometimes cut myself to get some way of release. I had very negative thinking at that time. I started reading books on spirituality and self healing and I learned how to love myself and beleive I was worth something. I had to change my way of thinking. I learned how to do that through reading books on it. I had to realize when I was being negative and consciously look for the positive. Eventually this worked and I'm a very happy peaceful person. It's difficult to change the way one thinks but it's very important and ity can be done

[mgray]

AngelEyes, Thank you for your honesty.

A problem shared is a problem halved. Keep talking about it with professionals or other sufferers or here.

It can make a world of difference. I know it works for me when that committee in my head thinks they are in charge.

[kirolak]

I am so sorry your are facing this & feel alone. . . yet you are not alone, . . . there's all the positive love & psychic energy of everyone here who is concerned about you, as well as the concern & strong energy of your own Higher Self. I don't believe there is only one way to end this cycle, nor any one cause for its's beginning . . .I am related to someone who used to do this to herself too, but has stopped completely, as a result of a solemn promise she made to someone she cares about.

In the case of the person I know, it was fear of not living up to other's expectations; she could handle criticism better than praise Perhaps you could try her way? Solemnly promise someone you love (or the people on the forum!) that you will not disrespect yourself in this way ever again. Our bodies consist of countless apparently conscious cells, each living their own unknowable lives, taking life & death decisions at every turn without our knowledge or input; they have their evolutionary path to follow, like all living things. And by hurting oneself unnecessarily, one is contributing to the distress of these countless little forms who work to maintain our bodies as habitable vehicles for us. How marvellous it is, that these cells co-operate to hold together a Body (whether human, animal or plant) for as long as We inhabit it!

We all abuse ourselves at times, in some way or another - by smoking, drinking, & by harming other beings/animals/plants - we are all One, so self harm is harm to all, and vice versa. (I consider even listening to inferior music or looking at dark side art as forms of self abuse)

Treat the PV (Planetary Vehicle) like a car or any other means of transport (that's what it is, regardless of where your Self/spirit originated, in this or another universe) It requires basic care, nutrition, rest & maintenance. Would you slash your car's tyres? Take the PV out for a walk in the sun or wind or the rain, feel it intensely against the skin & consciously enjoy the sensations, even if it is cold or unpleasant weather. Stub a toe & see how amazingly the foot & then the entire body reacts!

You could also redecorate your bedroom, in colours you would not normally choose. . .move your bed so that your head is pointing South; try a food you have not tried before. The possibilities of life are endless. . above all, work in a garden, feel the soil between you toes & fingers & send your energy deep into mother earth.

Consult the I Ching! Ask for advice on your present life path, or anything else you would like to understand. Actually, there is an online version, I Ching Online (!) which I find very accurate. . .it spurs us to look into our own unconscious side, so often the Shadow; it is not an Oracle or fortune teller.

I am, like so many others who have made the same offer, also available via pm if you feel a need to chat!

Finally - Have you looked into the possibility of Astral Projection? It is something that lifts one way out of all the material problems & lets us fly free - nothing can ever really compare to it, in my experience.

Be well & happy! Please update this thread as you progress! as I know you will!

[promezeus]

post deleted

[Michelle]

It's absolutely true what promezeus writes. I'm assuming you may have had some trauma and it's time to let it go.

I'm not sure if this is against the rules, but I'd like to get your address. I can send you a care package. It will have a diffuser and some essential oils that will lift your mood. I have some extra quarts crystals as well that you can hold. I wear an orgonite necklace and I will put it in a box for you. The necklace has a copper coil in it with dolphins swimming around in gold leaf. It has positive energy and I hope it helps you. I also can send extra orgonite I've made. I also have a grounding stick. It's a copper pipe that you push into the ground. It has a cord on it with a quarts crystal and copper around it. I made this myself as well. Sit outside with the sun on your face, stake the copper in the ground and hold the crystal in your hand. Ask mother (earth) to help you get rid of this block/pain. Cry it out... Ask mother to hold you.

I would light a fire and write on a piece of paper what the pain is. Tell yourself that you are getting rid of this. You are releasing it into the light. You are no longer are going to hold this pain inside you anymore. Throw the paper in the fire.

Write positive affirmations on post-its. Put them on your mirror and around the house. Whenever your mind tells you something negative, immediately say your affirmation to replace it. In time, the positive affirmations will replace the negative. Better yet, have family, friends, husband and kids to write some beautiful affirmations for you. Keep these affirmations close to your heart and look at them often.

Get some professional help as well. Unblocking this may be a painful process. It was for me. My arms show the scars of the past unfortunately once this pain is gone, the energy will start flowing through you better. It will heal you. Make sure you have someone professional guiding you through this process. I have to stress getting professional help as other things may come out that needs to be released. You need a safety net.

I hope this helps. I will pm you as well. I posted this publicly as I thought some of the tools I mentioned could help others in a dark place.

If someone hasn't told you today, I love you. You are a beautiful person! I know everyone who read your post has closed there eyes and sent love your way.

Love,
Michelle

[latina]

Hi AngelEyes.

I was waiting before writing a post, to see if anyone else has the same approach to this than me. But first let me congratulate you for being so brave and share your experience as painful as you describe it.
I had mine too several years ago and it lasted for years too, I think everyone has their dark night of the soul in different ways, experiences are different but at the end it’s the same: you feel unworthy, depressed, not being able to cope with things, seeing people around you even family members who are doing extremely well financially, emotionally, work wise etc. You don’t want them to know what you are going through because you feel ashamed you can’t handle what life is giving you and you don’t really don’t know what else to do to escape from the situation.
On the other hand if you share your problems what you receive from them is something like: It’s easy, just take action! do something! Don’t let life to overwhelm you and things like that, they see it so easy and they are living proof it’s not that difficult. But…how to do it? You see no escape, you are inside the hole and you don’t see a way out!
But there is a way out!! And it’s easy if you decide to do it. Let me tell you….once you understand how things work your life it’s never going to be the same…it’s going to be great!! In every way possible, trust me. You can do it, anyone can do it!
This is what I have learned over the years of reading thousands of books (literally) from renown authors, however it took time for me to go from reading to doing. Why? I thought it was too easy!! How could that work?
I could suggest to you hundreds of excellent books, or you can just go to youtube and listen to videos or lectures from some authors while doing chores (that’s what I do) or get audio books and listen to them while driving if you have a long commute. At the end we have plenty of information today if we are ready to learn.
Right away I suggest everything you can find about Dr. Joe Dispenza on how to change your life and create new one, he speaks from his own experience of being almost paralyzed from a car accident when he was very young and has proved scientifically how the change takes place. Great stuff! He has hundreds of testimonies around the world.
Bruce Lipton, Greg Braden and others you can find them easily on amazon or internet. However I’m going to give to you my easy approach, it has worked for me and for dozens more. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain is up to you and it’s the more practical thing I have found to get the same results. Right now there is a coworker doing this for two weeks and she is seeing results already even when she was very skeptical and closed minded, but she was tired of being chronically ill and not seeing results in her work. And as she put it: I’m doing it because it’s free, it doesn’t take time from my day and I have nothing to lose. I’m giving it a try!
What’s she doing? This is what a told her: I don’t have time while working to explain to you how this works (She doesn’t speak English so is very unlikely she is going to listen to the guys I mentioned before) but all I have to tell you is this: It doesn’t matter what problem(s) you have in your life: debts, lack of money, relationships, loneliness, it could be anything; those problems started when an event happened (any kind) and you gave too much attention to it. Everything you focus on, it expands exponentially: If you look yourself at the mirror one day and you don’t like what you see, you think I’m too fat! Next time you do the same and the same thought occurs an emotion is attached to that thought, that could be anger, frustration, sadness, etc so now every time you think about anything related to weight, body image, clothing, etc it’s getting worse every time.
My point here is this: Stop thinking about anything that is negative, painful or bothers you in any possible way. Every time you think about something you are giving energy to it and it makes that bigger, stronger, and more real; whatever it is. I’m talking not just about physical things, I’m talking about everything!
But, How can you stop thinking about something is already a concern in your life? Easy! You need to change the focus of your mind, let me give you an example: Debts. Every time you think a new possible way to pay those debts, doing something like getting a part time job, getting a loan, selling stuff, anything you think has as a base debts, so you will see yourself more and more in debt like magic, very soon you will be buried in debt. How can you stop that? Let me remind you that this works for any other problem you can have. All you have to do is stop thinking about your problem, not even thinking in how to fix it; it’s going to get worse anyhow. All you have to do is thinking in something else, getting your mind busy in another subject, any subject that has nothing to do with your problem. You can sing a song out loud, you can call a friend, you can go to a movie, have sex, whatever helps you to change the focus of your mind! The less you think about it, the faster it disappears from your life, it’s true and it always works!
Now, for me what works better is to say in my mind: Thank you, thank you God, universe, higher self whatever I want to thank. Thank you for whatever is working fine in my life, my eyes, my job, a child’s smile, the rain, the lack of rain, my family, you get the point. While saying Thanks I’m practicing gratitude and just that is bringing abundance and prosperity of every kind into my life and is getting my mind focused in all the good things in it. Remember I told you how thinking about something gets that bigger, stronger? Everything expands! And since you are now focused in positives in your life, little by little you are getting more of that!
It sounds too silly? I challenge you to try it for three weeks and tell me your life it’s not changed in a visible way! The only things you need to do is say or think Thank you for every little thing that comes to you mind that is positive! The only condition for this to work is that you have to do it hundreds of times a day, at least at the beginning, because you need to stop your mind habit to focus in certain things and start to focus in other things.
That’s it. Be grateful consistently about everything and you well get more of it. Remember it works both ways, so be careful. Don’t go back and focus in your problems or dislikes, people or bad situations or you will get more of it. Very soon your life goes back to happiness and abundance, lose weight, relationships are better, etc. The “HOW” this works I’m leaving you with the task of research it. For me what’s important is that it works every time, it’s a universal law. You are a creator of your reality, we are creating all the time, sometimes we focus in the wrong things and our lives get difficult.
B the way, my friend is getting better health wise and things at work are getting easier for her. She even won recognition price at work (First time) and she feels happier and calmer. Even money problems are easier now. Isn’t that great? She gives thanks for everything in her mind now while working, nobody needs to know it.

This is a link to Dr. Joe Dispenza Evolve you brain, the science of changing your mind: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VMN_Sd9qdIE


Good luck and God bless you.

[Constance]

bumping. AngelEyes may not have seen our posts.

[greybeard]

It might be an idea if when a person starts a thread the default would be automatic receiving of the ensuing posts.
As part of this would be the opportunity not to receive them.

There could be a prompt when starting a thread so that the person would be reminded of the opportunity to receive responses or not.
Some may not know that there is currently a notification possibility.

Mods might consider this suggestion.

Chris

[RunningDeer]

Posted by greybeard (here)
It might be an idea if when a person starts a thread the default would be automatic receiving of the ensuing posts.
As part of this would be the opportunity not to receive them.

There could be a prompt when starting a thread so that the person would be reminded of the opportunity to receive responses or not.
Some may not know that there is currently a notification possibility.

Mods might consider this suggestion.

Chris

FYI: I left message and a link back to here on AngelEye's message board letting her know there are many encouraging words and suggestions for her.

[AngelEyes]

Posted by samildamach (here)
Hi angeleyes
I can only talk from the other side of the coin .my partner is bipolar and on occasion self harming.what works during these dark periods is pulling away from the trauma of the larger world .ie switch of the t.v and the negative influence ditch the magazine's and anything else which portrays the perfect body life e.t.c.switch h onto positive messages try some u tube visions with positive messages.and remember those people closest to u love u .truly I hope this helps even if just a little

I dont watch tv at all to be honest. I cant even remember the last time I turned on the tv....dont look at magazines at all. not even in the waiting room... I just keep to myself in my thoughts which alot of times is a bad thing for me to do. I apologize for the delay in writing back I didnt receive any notifications that I had replies to my thread! Thank you so much for the kind words

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Posted by betoobig (here)
Wellcome to Avalon Angeleyes. Congratulations for speaking it out and thanks for sharing, that´s a great start for your recovery. You are in a dark moment but light can go in, allways, and it is starting to come in. Try ti find what trigers that anxety and accept it. Meditation is allways helpfull. Also notice is not you who cuts your body. Accept some loving energies coming your way.
Much Love

Thank you so much! <3

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Posted by Apulu (here)
Well done for sharing AngelEyes. To my mind, you're already well on your way to coming out the other side of this dark spot - no matter what the time-frame might be. You've recognised there's a problem, and you're taking action to find solutions.

I've been around a few different people who have a tendency to self harm, and whilst it seems a bit frightening and negative, it also seems a natural and understandable response - a way of externalising internal pain and conflict, so that it feels manageable.

Difficult times like these seem a bit like an immune response to me - it's our mental/emotional make up signalling that some of our current modes of beliefs and behaviors, in whatever respects, are outdated, and in need of transgression, in order to move forward. There's no going back - the only way through is to change your beliefs somehow - you just have to figure out what your emotional responses are asking you to change. Simple! (Ha ha).

Ask the universe, and be willing to act on what comes back - it might not be in any area you had so far considered. Real, positive change takes huge courage and determination - but you can do it - and part of you knows it.

Love to you

Yes! your right! I have been trying to get myself grounded so I am truly open to receiving messages from the universe! some meditation sessions are very emotional lots of tears and crying. which is good I think?!

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Posted by Orph (here)
Although you are feeling the negative energies, the feelings (negative energies) aren't you. Don't get me wrong, the feelings are, obviously, very real. But they aren't you. I would hope that you stop doing physical harm to yourself. And then learn how to stop doing emotional harm to yourself too. That is, stop thinking that you are unworthy and stuff.

This isn't an easy thing to overcome. Not at all. But you have to start somewhere. So start by loving yourself. Just quietly tell yourself that you are worthy. There is a tremendous amount of love in your heart. I know this because you wouldn't be able to feel all this bad stuff if the love wasn't there as well. So feel the love and understand that it's your love. so love yourself. Feel your own love for yourself. All the love and acceptance that you need and want to feel has to come from the inner you anyway. You have to open up to your own inner self.

Next, be open to all the love you can feel from the people here.

I have started to love myself. I even constructed my very own loving healing wand that I use to activate my crystal grids when i am doing healing work on myself so its a start I just have to keep the right mindset and stay positive and loving!

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Posted by peterpam (here)
AngelEyes, I do understand what you are saying. In the past, I have done the same thing. For me, it was a way to physically manifest the extreme psychic pain that I was dealing with. I guess it allowed me to change my point of focus from psychic pain to physical pain. What I discovered was that a lot of the psychic pain I was experiencing was happening because I refused to accept the here and now. I slowly learned to practice accepting people, places and things that I couldn't change. The more I am able to do this, the less pychic pain and depression I experience.

You can PM me any time if you like. I will always make myself available if you would like someone to listen to you. I am a very good listener.

With love and understanding,
Pam

thank you so much Pam! I will do that! this is hard but I am slowly making some progress which is better than no progress at all

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Posted by Robin (here)
Hello AngelEyes.

You posting your emotional turmoil is testament to the strength you possess, and I comend you for reaching out. May I suggest that you feeling worthless is a product of being a starseed, rather than a failing mission? Those of us who incarnate down here feel so distraught simply because we are not used to such a low energy and destructive way-of-living. It is a shock to our system that gets worse when our creativity is suppressed by society and our ideas are shot down.

You are not alone. Paula's thread is a treasure trove of great information...as well as compassionate energy. I was stuck in a pit of despair for a long time due to depression, but I found the power to overcome it. I do still climb the ladder into the pit now and then, but when I have enough sulking, I climb back up the ladder to see daylight when I'm ready.

I've outlined some of my experiences on this thread. Do not hesitate to PM me. I would be more than happy to share things that have worked for me.

Remember...tomorrow has the potential to be a better day. I promise.

namaste Robin! thank you so much for the loving support!

[AngelEyes]

Posted by greybeard (here)
Angel Eyes
I think it is important to get professional help and there are possibly self help groups in your area which you could get directed to.
Talking to others with similar feelings is important.

Having been through--nobody loves or understands me, to the point of being suicidal. I am well aware of the help a group can give.
In my case it was AA and that saved my life and turned it around.

Sharing here is a good start but you possibly need to be with others who have been through self harming and come out the other side.

Much love
Chris

Yeah I am unsure if my insurance will cover it?! :'( I very rarely go to the doctor because I am hardly ever sick so I never meet my deductible so I always have to pay out of pocket because insurance will pick anything up :/

[AngelEyes]

Posted by Bubu (here)

Posted by AngelEyes (here)
I feel worthless and not even feeling like I am a starseed... !

I used to believe that Im a starseed something very especial and my life is a hell now Im a nobody but the good thing is that I do not have to prove anything and life is a lot better.

But you arent a nobody! you are special just like each and every one of us! *soulhugs* to you! namaste!

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Posted by breal (here)
Hello AngelEyes,

Hang in there. I have tuned into your energies now and I am doing continuous Ho'oponopono for you.

For anyone else who knows about Ho'oponopono and its amazing healing energies and would like to join me in this effort, all you have to do is tune into the energy around AngelEyes photo on her profile. I trust that this will be okay with you AngelEyes?

In the meantime, please feel free to PM me AngelEyes because I may be able to help you.

with much love,

Breal

EDIT: I should have added earlier that I have worked with many in the past who have suffered and I offer my unconditional love and support any time you should need me.

Thank you so much! <3

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Posted by Bill Ryan (here)

Posted by Bubu (here)

Posted by AngelEyes (here)
I feel worthless and not even feeling like I am a starseed... !

I used to believe that Im a starseed something very especial and my life is a hell now Im a nobody

Well, you may have been right first time.

Really. And AngelEyes, too. Many starseeds have a VERY hard time arriving on Planet Earth. It can feel cruel, bewildering, lonely, and there often seems to be no manual or help desk.

your telling me.....its been insane...all these years wondering stuff seeing stuff and seeing an aura around my head and body when I look at my shadow on the ground it would freak me out and I would want it to go away because no one elses shadow looked like that.....wow I dont know why I just randomly said this?!?!....

[AngelEyes]

Posted by Skyhaven (here)
Hi AngelEyes,

I have been in a lot of dark spots myself, remember that this too shall pass. Try to get out in nature if you can, breath deep, give your thoughts space, even if they are negative, just let them pass by, they are not you.

When you're feeling a bit better try to find the source of your negativity. Is it something in your direct environment that bothers you? Or is something deeper that seems to come from the (far) past? It can be hard to figure out what is the source of this I know, but just looking/asking for a solution like you are doing now is enough to get your sub-conscious and the rest of the universe going.



Daniel

I have been trying to make time to do this! Theres a nature park not far from here I can go to for some peace a quiet. I really need to do this!!! <3

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Posted by Rollo (here)
In my teens I remember seeing some older guys and girls doing this in my neighborhood.
They were most of the time staying on the street and causing troubles.
At the time I thought it was their way to show how strong they are.
It was probably their expression of being together and instead of doing tattoos like gang members from US
and other countries they harmed themselves.

This as well was strongly connected with criminal activities, drugs, alcohol, violence, etc.
Cultural aspect of this group, tradition that was maybe first seen in the prison and come out to the street.

This would be other instance of self-harm but still in my opinion related to emotional pain and unhappiness
maybe going back as far as childhood.

yes I have had things happen in my childhood.. not good things either :/

[AngelEyes]

Posted by greybeard (here)
I think any form of self harm is an attempt to escape from a feeling of not being loved-appreciated or similar thought emotion.

While this can be seen to be ego based this requires some understanding of what ego is before this can be accepted and applied.
When I was recovering from my affliction the last thing that would have been understood or taken on board was that my form of self harm (alcoholism)
was down to ego. I would have thought it was lack of ego which I confused with self worth.

With love
Chris

yes this is something i need dire help working on! I have never been an egotistical person or maybe I have and just never realized it

[AngelEyes]

Posted by Ron Mauer Sr (here)
Hi AngelEyes,

I agree with Bill about you possibly being a starseed. That was your first thought.

When one has potential to make a significant contribution to the drama here and help with positive change, one can be targeted by negative energies who want to maintain things the way they are. I cannot say if you have been targeted, just that it is a possibility for anyone who wants to support freedom, well being, joy, love and truth.

We are all extensions of Source energy, the energy that creates worlds. Sometimes our biggest task is to use that energy wisely and not follow the programming we have all experienced that would have us give our power away to something else.

Finding ways to love oneself can be really helpful. When one loves self, one is not as dependent on others to demonstrate love and appreciation (although that is really nice).

When one does not love oneself, one cannot believe that anyone else can either. One begins to believe that posive energy from "the other" is not possible. One sees all positive energy from "the other" to be only manipulative.

When a negative thought pops into my head, I reach for another thought that is more positive. It is usually not a big step, but a small one. There is always something that I can appreciate.

When you walk past a mirror, say to the person in the mirror "I love you." Do it often.

When you think you are ready, take off all your clothes, stand in front of a full length mirror and shout "Baby I love you!". When you can do this with laughter you are well on your way.

Affirmations can also help. Sometimes when I feel something negative nearby, I use the affirmations:
"I am love."
"I am sovereign."

you know I did a positive affirmation today before I went to work. I wrote down my intentions for the day which of course was loving and positive and then I burned it! had a great day all day today!

[AngelEyes]

Posted by 1inMany (here)
Dearest AngelEyes,

Life can be so painful sometimes. Sometimes it is external crap, and sometimes it is internal. I hear you. And no, you aren't alone. Look how many people felt compelled to reach back to you in response to your plea.

I know a young lady who struggles with cutting. I have known many, actually. Too many. But this particular young lady wanted desperately to stop cutting. It was emotionally painful for her to see her scars after the fact, fresh or healed it didn't matter. And it was physically painful after the fact, like you said.

She learned something that worked for her from a therapist that helped her to stop cutting completely, and I want to share it with you. You may have already heard of this, but I wanted to share just in case. Her therapist told her that when she feels the urge to cut, she should take a very hot shower instead. The kind that almost scalds your skin. The pain of the hot water can be enough to be the release that cutting is, but it leaves no permanent marks or scars or soreness. While her skin was burning from the hot water, she would think of every single reason she wanted to cut, and would release it with the water.

At first, when she tried this, she had to take a scalding hot shower every time she wanted to cut. Over time, she got to where she would store up each reason she wanted to cut and take a scalding shower every night. When she couldn't shower, she would wash her hands with scalding hot water. It has been eight months and three days since she cut last. This might be something that works for you, but I know you have to be seriously done first.

Now. All that said...it would be such a great idea for you to find someone to talk to irl. And for those topics that just wouldn't fly somewhere else, you have all these loving souls here. I'm not a health care professional, I'm not an expert on Starseeds or anything. But I'm here if you need another person to check in with, someone to listen or whatnot. Looks like you have quite the list started of people willing to do that There is so much waiting for you to explore when you heal from this.

Much Love,

wow never heard of this at all!!! I am going to try this!! thank you so much for sharing this with me!! !

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Posted by sarah22 (here)
Hey,
I have been there. It's very hard to describe to other people the feeling of "coming together" that cutting can sometimes provide. When it's this awful, cutting can be the only thing that makes you feel ok. Yes, I get it (!!), you have my total sympathy. You are obviously very strong to be reaching out and it's good that you did. Cutters are very strong people and almost across the board, we are survivors. So hang in there until you can find a therapist you like and trust, and you will get through this.

I know you probably don't feel like doing anything, but here are some things that helped me in case they might appeal. Most importantly, find things that appeal to you, those are always much better than what someone else recommends anyway.

1.) going outside, even if it means driving down a pretty road for a hour, changing the scenery for a bit, getting out of the house has often helped me when I felt like I couldn't get the negative self talk to stop or like the anxiety was going to make me explode.

2.) watching a favorite movie without expecting it to make me feel better. I know that sounds odd, but if I kind of demanded that this movie make-me-feel-better-right-now-damit!!, it rarely did. But when I have been in those severly depressed places when I could barely move and I said to myself, " ok, I will watch this movie/tv show without any expectation that it will make me feel better but I will just watch it and see what happens." When I did that, it always helped, even if it was just a tiny bit.

3.) Sleep- everyone tells you that it is not good to sleep too much but if it's the only thing that gives you relief, go for it. Even a twenty-minute nap has helped me at times.

4.) Acupuncture can also give some short term relief. Google "community acupuncture" or "sliding scale acupuncture" if money is tight.

5.) I am sure you know this but find a therapist you like. Even if you only talk to her or him for one session. Talking to a good therapist is what eventually helped me the most. It is so easy to cut too deep and as you know, this is serious.

6.) Call a hotline. No one likes to do it, but it can really can help when you need it. http://www.selfinjury.com/# 1-800-366-8288 or 1 (800) 273-8255.

The following article is also pretty good, esp. the part about feelings but if it doesn't appeal, then let it go. And you most likely know it all anyway. http://www.helpguide.org/articles/an...-self-harm.htm

You really have my sympathy for what you are going through right now. Hang in there, you will get through this. Lots of love, S

Thank you these are all really good suggestions and i welcome them all! I have also considered seeing a reiki master for healing.

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Posted by Dennis Leahy (here)

Posted by peterpam (here)
AngelEyes, I do understand what you are saying. In the past, I have done the same thing. For me, it was a way to physically manifest the extreme psychic pain that I was dealing with. I guess it allowed me to change my point of focus from the psychic pain to the physical pain. What I discovered was that a lot of the psychic pain I was experiencing was happening because I refused to accept the here and now. I slowly learned to practice accepting people, places and things that I couldn't change. The more I am able to do this, the less pychic pain and depression I experience.

You can PM me any time if you like. I will always make myself available if you would like someone to listen to you. I am a very good listener.

With love an understanding,
Pam

I am so grateful to read your message, Pam. AngelEyes, please take this hand that is reaching out to you.

Thanks so much! <3

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Posted by Dennis Leahy (here)

Posted by peterpam (here)
AngelEyes, I do understand what you are saying. In the past, I have done the same thing. For me, it was a way to physically manifest the extreme psychic pain that I was dealing with. I guess it allowed me to change my point of focus from the psychic pain to the physical pain. What I discovered was that a lot of the psychic pain I was experiencing was happening because I refused to accept the here and now. I slowly learned to practice accepting people, places and things that I couldn't change. The more I am able to do this, the less pychic pain and depression I experience.

You can PM me any time if you like. I will always make myself available if you would like someone to listen to you. I am a very good listener.

With love an understanding,
Pam

I am so grateful to read your message, Pam. AngelEyes, please take this hand that is reaching out to you.

Thank you so much <3 namaste brother!