Depressed Beyond Whatever I'd Experienced Prior

[LiquidMind]

Dealing with so much, triggered by stimuli, left, right and center - hyper-sensitive to the nth degree, feeling like every eccentric cell and genome is acting out, going off-the-charts crazy. Am out out of my element, instead living in an infested environment that is congested and wearing, tearing all green, living things and putting up cement horrors. I can't. Dealing with infirmed near and dear one, otherwise entirely isolating. Chemicals aren't helping much and being who I have been created to be, shy empathic am now turning to whatever will numb me to this existence.

[Marikins]

This exact thing is going on with everybody I know. I cannot explain it. Everyone, super nice, self-aware people, is being triggered, hurt, upset as you say 'hyper-sensitive'. We are all getting through it, but we have to slow down and watch our words. There are also some flu symptoms so I have to wonder.

[RunningDeer]

This is part of a recent post in the 'Here & Now' thread.

My question:

…So what’s up with this attitude when I don’t have really anything to growl about?

Part of my answer:

…it’s the change in energy that surrounds. The body is adjusting to the newness. My job is to remember not to label. Just ride with it.

******************

This was my response to another that’s been having a time of it:

You're not alone and in good company.

We're turning
flesh and body
Into soul


The Waterboys - Strange Boat

Source: https://youtube.com/watch?v=x-NXwRUQcmg

We're sailing on a strange boat
Heading for a strange shore
We're sailing on a strange boat
Heading for a strange shore
Carrying the strangest cargo
That was ever hauled aboard

We're sailing on a strange sea
Blown by a strange wind
We're sailing on a strange sea
Blown by a strange wind
Carrying the strangest crew
That ever sinned

We're riding in a strange car
We're followin' a strange star
We're climbing on the strangest ladder
That was ever there to climb

We're living in a strange time
Working for a strange goal
We're living in a strange time
Working for a strange goal
We're turning flesh and body
Into soul



[Bubu]

I no longer fit into the system. Its already very uncomfortable here. I have to move out and/or make some adjustments soon.

[LiquidMind]

I keep saying, ready to go - ready to go Lord. Ready to go Home. I just can't take this planet - at all - never could - been just keeping the organism alive for who knows what. I am so ready to leave. Have nothing to tie me to this place and do not know - or understand what else is needed for me to conclude before I'm beamed back. Never felt part of this world, never wanted to be here and my sheer existing on this plane has been nothing short of a miracle. Pretty sure the home team is as upset as I am at how this lifetime turned out - tried to make it work. The wear and tear and the emotions have just shot to another level altogether.

[WhiteLove]

Posted by LiquidMind (here)
Dealing with so much, triggered by stimuli, left, right and center - hyper-sensitive to the nth degree, feeling like every eccentric cell and genome is acting out, going off-the-charts crazy. Am out out of my element, instead living in an infested environment that is congested and wearing, tearing all green, living things and putting up cement horrors. I can't. Dealing with infirmed near and dear one, otherwise entirely isolating. Chemicals aren't helping much and being who I have been created to be, shy empathic am now turning to whatever will numb me to this existence.

Everywhere I go I see laughter of happiness, they are so busy being happy that they go to work every morning before they go to sleep. They love it like robots. As happy as they are free.

Are you aware of anything that could be making a false prediction about something, about you maybe? Try to go through all the predictions you have made about things and try to abandon the ones that are against you. There are a lot of things beyond the now, that can add to the description of now, although it has nothing to do with the now. Depression happens when hope declines slowly over time. It is the result of a limited perspective that does that, either your own or someone in your context. Limitation is something that eats energy. The human mind can reach a point when it dictates a future that is against you. Depressions can be rooted in those kinds of things. I've learned that the human mind cannot and should not try to do those kinds of things, because it does not have the capacity required, it is too limited. It is the limiting thoughts, that are also not true, that causes all of this.

[Curt]

LiquidMind, I hear you.

I like this clip from Annie Hall. Funny, true. And featuring a character far more neurotic than myself. Which I find strangely comforting.

Hope it gives you a slight lift.

Source: https://youtube.com/watch?v=rrxlfvI17oY

[Bill Ryan]

.
Thank you for this thread, and for reaching out — and you're not alone here. This is truly the Dark Night of the Soul.

I doubt if there's a single member (or guest, reading this now) who hasn't felt similar profound desperation at one time or another.

In fact, to turn this on its head, there'd be something rather psychopathically wrong with someone if they didn't look out their window on to everything that's happening on Planet Earth to feel occasional sheer despair. There's a lot to feel pretty upset about, if we let it get to us.

What I have pinned to my metaphorical internal fridge door is:

If there wasn't a reasonable chance of success in this venture, and if I didn't have a specific mission, and a bunch of abilities and opportunities to back it up and at least give things a fighting chance, I'd not have come here.

There are plenty of other wonderful planets to incarnate on... where there's peace, prosperity, wisdom, spirituality, advancement, and balance.

But I chose this one. And so did you, and everyone else reading this.

And many others, too. The wonderful, gifted superchildren are still coming through. Evidently, they all still feel the same way.

If they ever stop being born here — then we'll know we're in deep trouble. But: so far, so good. This is a serious point.

It's hard to give advice, at a distance, through this very ineffectual medium of leaving text messages for each other on the internet. But, this is what I would suggest to a good friend who felt they were in deep trouble:

• Never stop communicating. Protect yourself appropriately, but don't remove yourself from kind, sensitive people.
• Always try to do something positive each day, even if it's the tiniest little thing.
• DON'T DON'T DON'T resort to alcohol or drugs (of any kind). They don't help in the long term — at all.
• Try to be active — again, even a little bit. Force yourself to go for a walk every day, even a short one.
• Some supplements help a lot. When depressed or stressed, one can burn up B-vitamins, for instance, really fast.
• Rescue Remedy (sometimes called Crisis Formula) is wonderful. Simple, very inexpensive, and remarkably effective and helpful.
• Sleep can be profoundly healing. Again, DON'T use pharmaceutical solutions. Melatonin works pretty well if one is having trouble getting to sleep. (Try different brands, maybe... many people find some more effective than others.)

• And, again..... never stop communicating.

[RunningDeer]

Posted by LiquidMind (here)
I keep saying, ready to go - ready to go Lord. Ready to go Home. I just can't take this planet - at all - never could - been just keeping the organism alive for who knows what. I am so ready to leave. Have nothing to tie me to this place and do not know - or understand what else is needed for me to conclude before I'm beamed back. Never felt part of this world, never wanted to be here and my sheer existing on this plane has been nothing short of a miracle. Pretty sure the home team is as upset as I am at how this lifetime turned out - tried to make it work. The wear and tear and the emotions have just shot to another level altogether.

If a tape kept running in my head that I never belonged here and I want out? I’d first investigate the possibility that something is tampering with my subconscious.

Drill, drill, drill.

I’d give life a go. I’d give myself permission to excel at what brings me happiness. Happiness without guilt from anyone or anything, i.e. the inorganic gremlin wannabes that cheer on those who live the complexities of sorrow and pain rather than the simplicities of joy.

Do not get sucked in. Do not consent to their manipulation games. You’re serving them up dinner. Hang a sign: "Kitchen is closed."

♡

[LiquidMind]

Well, been one of the tortured ones - it's all pretty much been wiped from conscious memory but you know the body holds it, as does sub conscious and un conscious - it's all there - just as it is recorded in the Akashic records. And I do go out of my way to make that effort to help others, it's just too much now. Can't take the energy of people, stay very clear away from it all - from this perch - have been seeking my tribe - my people for as long as I can remember and nothing. Probably meant to roam this world as a lone soldier, ploughing the way for others to follow but it's too much for me to even witness. As for alcohol - yes and as for sedatives yes, otherwise right now I would not be able to function at all - and that means putting one foot before the other. Simply because of the nerves being shot. I take supplements and eat well, try to do whatever is needed to keep the organism relatively healthy - and am not dependent on any one substance. I have a feeling I've been in this very situation in a previous life/lives and each time I took my own life and had to come back to complete the course. So, that would not be something I'd consider knowing how I'd have to come back anyway - and that's the last thing I want to do. Ever.

¤=[Post Update]=¤

Yes - been doing all of that - and still - this. Ergo - it's not enough.

[DNA]

Hi LiquidMind

It's hard to comment without knowing where you are coming from.
A vegetarian would probably say to eat more of a natural diet with lots of veggies and leafy greens. But, I would say although that couldn't hurt you should make sure to eat organic. I honestly don't even think veggies and fruit are good for you if they are not organic.
I think a lot of our problems are the chemicals as you have alluded to .
It doesn't really cost that much to eat organic if you are eating the Quinua, Brown Rice, Barley and Bean type foods combined with the veggies of course. I'm a fan of organic beef and cheeses but this is where the cost really does kind of shoot up. You should try and understand that the negative that occurs with eating these chemicals isn't on accident, it's done by design. So with that in mind, do not go quietly into the night. And one last thing, Tea is huge. There are more chemical pesticides in tea than any other food item on the shelf, so it absolutely is worth the little extra to buy the organic tea.

Sunlight helps too.
And don't do the sunscreen, it's actually the sunscreen that is giving folks cancer.
The sun alone can pull you out of depression. Let the sunlight shine on your eyelids and try to consciously breath the sunlight in through your closed eyes and face.

Walks help.
Walks are better than running for getting your energy field back into it's optimal state. Don't hold anything in your hands. Walk with your hands relaxed and let your arms swing in their natural motion. This works as a sort of pump for moving your energy and getting rid of blockages.

And last but not least. If you have a REAL herb shop in your area, freeze dried St. Johns Wart in capsule or liquid form does wonders for depression.
Take care and have a good one

[cloud9]

OK. Being there... done that.
As a person who has been extremely depressed to the point of not wanting to live any more I can tell you it's not the end. I'm not going to bore you with my story at least you want me to.
Can you please tell us a little more?
Are you working? Home alone? Married? Single? Young? Not so young? What do you do every day? It's hard to give you something helpful without knowing the context of your situation right now. If you don't mind to share of course.

[Redstar Kachina]

..........

[Bluegreen]

To my utter amazement, I found the following to be true for me:

"I have a moral obligation to be happy"

Sometimes all that is needed is some comfort. A little ray of hope in the form of golden pink, holding that near the heart. Allowing is the first step to healing. Let it happen and it will ...

Blessings

[Caliban]

LiquidMind,


I'd like to offer you this: last night I had a kind of fantasy where I was helping a hypothetical "friend" who was depressed. I was alone but I played it out, actually spoke aloud to this friend:

"Now, repeat after me: 'My situation is getting better. I can actually feel it getting better now. Every day I feel a little better.' Good, now say this out loud: 'I'm a good person, a beautiful person who has value to offer. I can feel my goodness within me. I know that other people see it and appreciate what I have to give.'"

It may seem silly, but try it, like a child would. Do it a few times, maybe in the mirror. Along with this I suggest you be as consciously kind to yourself as possible. Yes, the feelings are there, there's a struggle, but you needn't blame yourself. Open up to your own capacity to heal and the miracle of transformation. Echoing Bill, you are here for a reason.

[halcyon026]

LiquidMind,

I think I have at least a little bit of an idea, of what you are experiencing. It feels like hopelessness. You don't see a point to a future because it only looks dark.

Lots of wise words could be said, and I'll share some below, but I know wise words don't cure broken hearts of pull us out of depression. My hope for you, is that you come to find yourself and when you do, you see that you can be a loner, you can blaze trails, and you can do all of this unbearable Earth life, with a smile. And we need you. We need those who are suffering, to come out the other side and aid the rest of us, to teach how to heal, to keep others from the cycle. You may not realize it, but you've undertaken the type of curriculum needed, to become such a teacher. Your role in this is much more grand than you are seeing now.

"We all know our humanity all too well. That is why we put the focus on recognizing that part of us that isn’t in the human-ness. Not to deny the humanity but to bring a balance about. Because that’s what you offer another person. When I look at some of you and I know you have problems with addiction and problems with sexual obsessions and problems with loneliness and problems with anger and problems with diseases and problems with frigidity and tightness. And I look and I see the whole sea of stuff or you tell me about it. And I just see curriculum after curriculum after curriculum after curriculum.

And I just see a group of beautiful souls on earth each having its own karmic work to do. At the same moment when you present it to me, my heart hurts. You don’t protect your heart from breaking because in a way a broken heart is like cracking a shell to let the deeper heart come forth. Because compassion is like the monk who is crying because his son has died and the student comes up and says, “What are you crying about? You know it is all illusion.” He says, “Yes but the death of a son is the greatest illusion.” And Maharaj ji crying when I was hurting.

You don’t close off your humanity by any means but you balance your humanity and if you don’t balance your humanity you burn out. And if you don’t balance your humanity you armor your heart and if you armor your heart you starve to death and that’s why you burn out because you are not getting fed.

You have to avert your eyes from the suffering of the world. You can’t look. You can’t look at the have-nots in the world. You can’t stand it. You have to look away all the time. You have to avert your eyes from Central America and from India and from all those places because you just can’t stand it. Because you feel so impotent to do something to take away the suffering.

If you are going to be free, your freedom means that you do not avert your eyes from anything, in yourself or in anyone else. Freedom means to be a free awareness with what is. No aversion no attachment. They say that for a saint, all the world are their children and you feel the suffering of another person the same way you would as if it was your own child. It’s almost unbearable.


What makes it bearable? There is a little statue of the Buddha and it has a little smile at the edge of its mouth and it is called the smile of unbearable compassion. Sounds like a paradox. The smile of unbearable compassion. It is the unbearable compassion. It is beyond bearing and if you were somebody you couldn’t bear it, but you are the universe and that is what you are. You are all of that and it is that balance inside yourself. The smile of unbearable compassion. And that ability to embrace the suffering into yourself, to just keep taking it in and taking it in and look towards it instead of away from it, and look towards it and then take the way in which it reacts in you and keep doing that delicate balancing number, to balance that you still feel the humanity and at the same moment you allow, you don’t sit around judging God like what have you done to me I am a good guy what are you doing this to me for. You don’t apply your rational criteria to the universe because the way karma works is not understandable by your rational mind since your rational mind is a product of karma and a system cannot understand something that is meta to itself. It is a logical impossibility. You don’t hear the full universe.

Here’s where the faith comes and the faith is deepened through your own practices, through your own direct experiences. It’s not belief that someone hands you. It is faith that comes from your own direct experiences. So you learn to keep your heart open in hell. Finally." – Ram Dass

[amor]

Dear One. I have also been torn asunder by situations which offer bad outcomes whichever way I turn. The term which has described me is "a caretaker". A lifetime of being tossed too and fro has me angry and exhausted; however, recently, I heard a radio report on low grade and other depression. It seems that the prevailing story about how much vitamin C we need has us all in the beginnings of SCURVEY. We should be getting many thousands of milligrams of easily absorbable multiple sources of Vit. C per day. In addition, nutritional yeast and a fine multi-vitamin mineral, only available at a good Health Food Store is a fine place to begin. The Vitamin C comes in individual packets in the form of crystals derived from multiple sources. It is delicious. Dissolve in water and drink. Nutritional Yeast Flakes are the best tasting and are taken similar to the Vitamin C. Our diets are STARVING our brains and we are entering into dementia and alzheimer's as a result. Also important fish oils and ground Linseed added to anything we cook such as rice or cereals. If your skin is dry you need Linseed and Fish Oils and WATER. As your skin goes, so goes your BRAIN and HEART. Drag yourself out of your hole by feeding yourself so that you have the resources to tackle life's problems. The product I am using is called EMERGEN-C and also contains some 7 B Vitamins and other necessary things. TRY IT.

[Craig]

Posted by Bill Ryan (here)
.
Thank you for this thread, and for reaching out — and you're not alone here. This is truly the Dark Night of the Soul.(.....)

But I chose this one. And so did you, and everyone else reading this.

(....)

I believe this to be true, but are we allowed to change our minds? What fears me the most is what this is now emotionally charged is negated once we past and is regarded as learning experience on the other side. Dam that. I want to go across and remember all this and advise this existence is flawed, it isn't working and the current setup is rigged to fail, dam the veil of forgetfulness upon birth, how are so called soul based goals meant to be achieved if total forgetfulness is thrusted upon us at birth? How can this be looked at as nothing but a folly?

This is a beautiful planet being recklessly destroyed all on fronts from all manner of sources and I for one do not want to come back and partake in this any more.

I am nothing special, I haven't experienced anything untoward nor witnessed anything truly spectacular just an empathetic reader who gets worked up at the misfortunes of others and guilt stricken that I can't lend a hand.

And tired, deep in my bones tired.

[Old Wolf]

Hi LiquidMind,

Although I can't completely understand where you're coming from, I've encountered and continue to encounter the same feelings .. especially recently. It's become crucial for me to learn to relax completely, understand my feelings and use my mind to clearly analyse what's going on in my life and why it's bothering me so much. It's taken a very long time for me to come to terms with what's wrong with many situations because of the complexity involved. I don't know about you but I have this inherently strong sense of right and wrong and when something "hits the wrong button", it bothers me, depresses me and I dwell on it. I tried for a long time to just "turn off" and stop dwelling on it but it doesn't help. It's necessary for me to figure out what's wrong and once I understand then it stops bothering me. But it's never just one thing, it's lots of things and that's where my depression creeps in, the thousand cuts are overwhelming.

I've discovered that finding simple pleasures that lift my mood really help. Chocoiate is fast becoming a favourite, along with other sweets Yes, my teeth really are rotting out of my head but ironically, I want to smile. I spend much time on my own in nature (bushwalking, 4w driving, sitting by rivers, walking barefoot in streams), the forest and animals have a very supportive energy. I meditate regularly and have recently started directly raising my vibration while meditating allowing me to more easily let go of the pain I'm carrying. It's definitely not easy and the going is slow but I'm gradually feeling better and better.

I've wondered many times why I'm still alive but in my heart I know that if there wasn't purpose to my going through this, I'd already be dead. It's definitely darkest before the dawn and I can sense the depths of your pain. I don't know the details of what you're feeling and why, but I'm going through a similar thing and starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

However isolated you feel, you're not alone.

Kindly.

[ulli]