CA medical/academic institutions, CIA black projects psychedelics, recent MDMA FDA case

[Artemesia]

Some of you may have recently seen that the FDA approval case for use of MDMA psychedelics for use as 'treatment' (read: retraumatization) for PTSD did NOT go through.

Mainstream reports of that here:

https://www.cnn.com/2024/06/04/healt...d-fda-advisers

I have previously written about my personal experience with a Dr. Charles Grob, who is a pediatric psychiatrist whom I met in 1991, and was at that time the only doctor allowed approval to conduct experiments using psychedelics, including LSD and MDMA, Psylocibin and Ayahuasca, as potential 'treatments' for PTSD.

Since it seems the controller forces are steadily working towards a mainstream roll out of access to psychedelics, I felt it important to share my original article, originally published on my blog ArtemesiaSpeaks at wordpress in the 2011-2012 time frame. Although somewhat dated now that it is over 10 years ago when I wrote this piece, it does offer a personal account of PEDIATRIC PSYCHIATRISTS EXPERIMENTING ON CHILDREN WITH PSYCHEDELICS AT CALIFORNIA MEDICAL INSTITUTIONS IN THE 1990s. This stuff has been going on a LONG, LONG time folks. And they want it to go mainstream. Why? Unfortunately I know all too well some of those reasons why, but I share this vintage piece of personal account and my writing to document some of that.

‘Help’ That Isn’t

If seers can hold their own in facing petty tyrants, they can certainly face the unknown with impunity, and then they can even withstand the presence of the unknowable.
Don Juan Matus




Charles S. Grob, M.D., Professor of Psychiatry and Pediatrics at the UCLA School of Medicine and Director of the Division of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry at Harbor-UCLA Medical Center, has been conducting studies on the effects of psilocybin on anxiety in cancer patients, and was lead researcher on the first U.S. government approved study with MDMA. Dr. Grob is also the principal investigator of an international biomedical psychiatric research project in the Brazilian Amazon of the psychedelic, ayahuasca.

At the age of 14, struggling with issues of, depression, self-mutilation, eating disorders and trauma from childhood abuse and repressed sexual assault, I found myself behind bars. The bars were both those within my own mind and also the cold steel mesh window coverings of the Adolescent Psychiatry Unit at UC Irvine Medical Center in Orange, CA. And the man I met there, who is pictured above, was not only a ‘petty tyrant’ par excellence, but was also my psychiatrist. As the title of this article implies, one sometimes is offered help, which isn’t actually helpful at all. Dr. Charles Grob is one of those people Carlos Castaneda and Don Juan warned us about, who would come to be helpful only insofar as teaching me to sort lies from truth, expose assumptions of benevolence, discern the real agendas behind the mental ‘health’ system, and generally provide a heavy black and white handed wake up call to the world of the unknown. If anything positive came from being a patient under his care, it was that I became a warrior: well introduced to the unknown, and the project of navigating it.


To clarify some background associations, I want to point out that there is PROLIFIC evidence that UCLA-Harborview, with which UCI Medical Center is associated, is heavily funded by the CIA and other covert government operations that research mind control and various methods to accomplish it. One of the most effective methods of manipulating the mind, body and spirit comes through the use of drugs and hypnosis, particularly the use of various psychotropic drugs, which themselves can have somewhat hypnotic effects. LSD 25 has already been extensively reported to be used by the American military in mind control operations and MK Ultra type experiments, and I have every reason to believe a more garden/street variety LSD is also concurrently used on the psychiatric population, Monarch programmed individuals, and adolescents. While some may say this article contains some ‘wild’ implications and assertions, the available research reflects that it’s not only possible, but also probable that there is veracity to my claims. What I am offering here is but a small glimpse into my own experiences with the people carrying out these projects, and moreover may offer some useful information as to how these practices are able to occur without legal consent of participants or even much notice or protest from the masses -- who will eventually have to deal with, if not support the survivors of these truly dark manipulations.


In the spring of 1991, my mother found my behavior to be increasingly alarming, and she finally did something about it. While at school, I received a message to come to the principal’s office. After running away to sit on a bridge over a tunnel to think about what fate lay before me, which I somehow sensed was imminent, I begrudgingly arrived at the office. Mother was waiting. And I was going to be taken to the hospital for ‘an evaluation’. Truly, a grim prospect. As I waited in one of the two plastic chairs on the 5th floor of the mental health building at the hospital complex where my mother worked, I saw a group of preteens about my age leering at me, making funny faces from within the metal reinforced glass windows of the adolescent psych ward. I had my journal with me, and penned a little poem about the children who were caged in the world where ‘society stares, but doesn’t seem to care.” My mother was in talking to a man in a small office to the side of this unit, which stated he was the psychiatrist in charge of the treatment of those interned within. Soon it was my turn. Desperate for someone who would listen to me, I told my truth, or what I could remember and share of it at that point. The doctor and I seemed to share some common interests in the 60’s counter culture a-la Laurel Canyon folk, Hendrix, Morrison, and the peace activism I’ve detailed in prior posts (See “Waking up to War”). After a brief discussion about my ‘cutting’ and depression, my mother came in. It seemed the arrangements were already made: I would become a captive of their system, and being underage, I had essentially no rights to protest or ability to resist this manipulation.


My three weeks on the ward were trying, to say the least. I did make a like-minded friend while there, who was a beautiful and wealthy young heiress of the Ponce de Leon's, the family of the famed Spanish explorer. She and I became fast friends when we spied an errant cigarette on one of our ‘walks’ around the hospital campus. We smoked it, in a dissonant attempt to learn to breathe deeply and get ‘a breath of fresh air’, in the bathroom, blowing the smoke down the drain. Eventually we were forced to rat ourselves out, and as punishment for our actions we each spent a torturous period in solitary confinement, literally locked in a room with padded walls and a small cot with leather restraints on it. Lovely, my new quarters even came with corporal punishment.


I began to meet with a clinical social worker there, for individual, family, and large group sessions where all the adolescent patients and their families came to hash out some kind of ‘healing’. Meanwhile, Dr. Grob managed my medications. I was put on a tricyclic antidepressant medication, in an oh-so-common move to suppress folks of my generation into submission to the status quo. God forbid we actually try to share our deep inner knowing that the world was impossibly ****ed up, my parents had been abusing me and neglecting me for years without notice or reproach, and meanwhile something strange was going on that was causing me to attract sexual predators and perform self-destructive behaviors from some deeply subconscious programming. The little yellow pills were very effective in sorting these kinds of issues out, I was told.


Perhaps the strangest things about my meetings with Charles Grob, of which there would be many over the course of the next year or so, was that I hardly remember them. I have exquisite recall of meetings with my social worker, Ms. Deborah Tate L.C.S.W., who was his colleague. In fact the Grob sessions are almost a complete blank for me, leading me to suspect he may have used some kind of hypnosis when we met. What I remember most is discussing 60’s culture. It was perhaps our only common ground. True healing and a restored wholeness to my sense of self was certainly not the matter in question.


Soon after discharge, upon being sent home with my little yellow pill and a litany of appointments for continued individual, family and group sessions, I began experimenting with drugs. Marijuana came first, but was expensive and hard to come by. LSD followed soon after, as it was far cheaper and strangely easy to get. I remember at least one source for it, but I seemed to have it at my ready disposal fairly often. But by far, the drug I most commonly self-medicated with was Robitussin DM. Dextromethorphan, when used in higher dosages, functions as a mild psychedelic. And when combined with marijuana, it’s possible to quickly reach states of consciousness that mimic a DMT high. I’m not a chemist, so I can’t tell you the reasons for this. All I can tell you is that I used these drugs alone or in combination with one another on an almost daily basis, all while going to school, becoming an honor student, receiving multiple scholarships, and holding down various part-time jobs, such as babysitting, in the UCI faculty housing community. I used them extensively for the first year I discovered them (concurrent with my Norpramin tricyclic) and continued their occasional use well into my early 20s.
A key component of any covert program would be to have it be hidden out in the open, in plain view, and yet go without detection or challenge. My little habit was just this kind of situation. I discovered the use of hallucinogenics, and was taught effective over-the-counter combinations, from talking to the therapists and other adolescent patients in the therapy program I was forced to attend. To this day all I recall is personally obtaining them and moreover being given the money to purchase them (without divulging my use for the funds) by my mother -- who had adopted something of an unspoken ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ policy regarding my life, even though we played the ‘you can talk to me about anything’ game in our guided therapy sessions.


Around this time, in another common move used by the MK Ultra programs to control Monarchs, my therapists began to suggest that my father had sexually abused me as a child. The may well have been the case, but the point is that I suddenly found myself going down the road of restraining orders, mediated legal settlements, and also a barrage of attacks from the ‘false memory syndrome’ camp my father rapidly sought the aid of. Even my therapist was pretty open about ‘false memory syndrome’ issues, and discussed the concept with me regularly. The result of this that the feelings and situations I did remember and was still encountering (continued neglect and abuse from my mother in the form of food/water deprivation, isolation, mental coercion and emotional abuse and manipulated co-dependencies) all went deeply underground. I felt I couldn’t trust anyone; I had no control over my environment, my personal safety, my ability to obtain resources for my own survival like food, water and a trustworthy caregiver. Disempowered completely, I easily fell into my addictions, and became compliant to whatever these adult handlers told me I needed to do. Part of me stayed true to myself, but it could only be expressed in my journal writings and my quiet moments of solitude spent in the wild open fields of mustard behind our house. Everything else was fair game for exploit and total control by those who were older, wealthier and had more power than I. Anything I said was not to be believed, it seemed. I soon became a master at masking my states of consciousness, drugged and sober, and I became an actor extraordinaire in making the most destructive of situations seem totally normal.
Medicating trauma with LSD is a dangerous proposition. If anything, it only serves to further blur the lines between the real, the imaginary, the truth, and what will be ‘accepted’ by others as such. If one can hallucinate, and knows this is only a distortion of the mind, isn’t it possible that all the trauma and abuse one has endured and is speaking out against was just a mind distortion as well? Isn’t it possible that it’s all just a ‘false memory’? The implications of hallucinogenic experiences are exceedingly convenient for programmers and handlers who want their ‘subject’/victim to be compliant, confused, unsure of themselves and their own reality, and where the boundaries between the self and everything else exist. Moreover, manipulating adolescents – especially one’s who are already compromised because of missed childhood developmental stages that have been annihilated by trauma -- into addictive behaviors which distort their sensitive minds into psychedelic states, is straight-up torture.


In the following video, Charles Grob himself seems to indicate his awareness of this slippery slope of reasoning with some very subtle cues. Beginning at 12:30 minutes in the video posted below, Grob states ‘we can’t do experiments on children because of political ramifications’. But of course he knows this already goes on. He has a massive eye twitch and demonstrates other telltale signs even my basic lie detection and criminal interview techniques (which I learned in Ranger Academy) alert onto as indications of deviations from truth. Something is SERIOUSLY amiss with this man, his thought forms and belief patterns, and moreover his clinical practices. I know, I have lived it.

Source: https://youtube.com/watch?v=Q4XL_Hk_L5g

This video was made in 1993 and he discusses doing clinical trials on adolescents, whom he calls ‘disturbed’ or ‘autistic.’ While I believe there does seem to be a phenomena labeled as autism, I also feel that this is a HEAVILY manipulated diagnosis which serves as a catch-all for many star seeded/awakened/sensitive individuals, to corral them into the mental health system which actually does a great deal to impose further suffering, rather than offering effective treatment and remedy, as they often imply. My mother's primary projects at this point have to do with autism, and the neighbor I babysat for across the street was one of the very first pediatricians developing 'behavior modification' programs for children labeled as autistic. I know the research claims fairly well because of this, and I also know the people invovled in developing cures and cloning the genetic 'defects' causing these. When I look at what I know, it really doesn't compute. These people have a hidden agenda of some sort, and nothing could convince me otherwise. I was on the fringe of the cutting edge of autism when it was really gaining 'popularity' as a diagnosis, and there is NO reason to trust these people. But getting back to my story, I was Dr. Charles Grob’s patient in 1991, and I can definitely say in my experience, and directly correlated with being a patient of his, I ‘experimented’ with psychedelics. And based on what this man is saying here, and because he has been Federally funded to do experimentation with other psychotropics for CIA-linked projects since, I now feel comfortable saying that these experiments were HEAVILY manipulated, and possibly even coordinated by Grob and the people he works for, as part of ILLEGAL, and UNAPPROVED research ON CHILDREN using PSYCHOTROPIC DRUGS.


I will give one small example of how this happened, with very ‘subtle’ machinations which seemed to me at the time to be something I did ‘of my own accord’. In the fall of 1991, I was coerced (they would say ‘strongly encouraged’ in their double-speak) into telling my mother the story of the date rape I had endured (See my post “Meeting Bob Hope” for further details). Under this threat, I found myself staring down a loaded gun, with no protection, and little hope for compassion or assistance in dealing with the aftermath of this forced traumatic recall. In fact I suspected my mother would actively attack me and give me a litany of ‘I told you so’s’ because I had willfully asked to go to the party where the incident occurred, which also happened to be the home of one of the other adolescents in the therapy program, who I believe was another of Grob’s adolescent patients. Conveniently, the very day the appointment was scheduled where I was told to reveal this story (in a late-evening, just before bed session) I was able to ‘arrange’ a purchase of LSD from a classmate. I paid my $5/dose and took all 5. What the hell, it couldn’t get any worse. And so the process of enduring trauma recall and coping with these stresses using psychogenics began. My mother and therapist were none the wiser, or so I thought. I supposed to myself that my curious comments and reclusive behavior were ‘explainable’ given the content of what I had been forced to share. After the ordeal of sharing the nitty gritty details of the rape, I was left on my own, at home, isolated in my room with absolutely no outreach from my single mother. (My father was out of my life by then, and would remain so for nearly 8 years, thanks to the restraining order these people orchestrated on my behalf). I certainly didn’t feel I could talk to any of my close friends, who by then were leery of me because I needed their assistance to navigate my way home from school once I’d dosed myself during P.E. class. At least I had the hallucinations of multi-colored peace signs rolling by to the tunes of “1983, A Merman I Should Turn To Be” to keep me company. Was it love, or was it confusion? If anything, Hendrix and I were asking similar questions.


As I’ve stated time and again, sorting through my difficult life experiences, detaching from the trauma, doing educated research to understand relevant background information, and then putting it all together into a functional understanding of the world I’ve been living in, with techniques to navigate it, is a challenging task. There is a clear link between Dr. Charles Grob, well-known CIA research organizations, and the use of psychotropic drugs on individuals. In my experience, his work carried through into use on adolescents, well before Federal approval was ‘officially’ granted, and certainly without the knowledge of the general public. And also in my experience, the use of psychotropic drugs on adolescents with a history of trauma and abuse is NOT therapeutic. If anything, it allows the perpetrators further leeway to continue the abuse, because it distorts perception of the real vs. the imagined, and also alters a developing consciousness, which may already be compromised, by forcing it to contend with psychedelic states of consciousness concurrently with the unresolved traumas. This is torture. This is mind control. This is abuse, and I will not tolerate it. I sure hope some other folks out there realize there is a big problem with these kinds of techniques, programs and ‘experiments’ as well. Up until now, it seems very few people want to listen, and as a result, very few of us who have lived through these experiences have the courage to continue to speak about what we’ve endured. But speak I will. And no, you are not excused if you instead walk off and kiss the sky. If you haven’t noticed, the sky is actually falling, and its damn time someone took notice.


A warrior takes his lot, whatever it may be, and accepts it in ultimate humbleness. He accepts in humbleness what he is, not as grounds for regret, but as a living challenge.
Don Juan Matus

[onawah]

I can certainly understand why you quote from Carlos Castenada's books, Artemesia.
They were a great source of guidance for me in areas of experience for which there are very few reliable explanations.