Things That Are Strangely Embarrassing

[Mike]

There are several things that embarrass me that really shouldn't, and I wonder if you guys share some of these silly neuroticisms. These are all car and traffic related, but I have plenty of others I'll list later...

1) Honking my car horn: Almost never do this, even when it's obviously justified. And when I do, I'm embarrassed.

2) Turning on my windshield wipers: Embarrasses me. I don't want to be the first to turn mine on, or the last. Both situations embarrass me. So I'll generally wait until I'm out of sight of anybody and coyly turn them on.

3) Turning on my headlights: Not always embarrassing, but sometimes. When the dusk is approaching, it feels embarrassing to turn them on prematurely, but equally as embarrassing to forget to turn them on at all by the time it turns dark. This leaves me in a quandary every time.

4) Cross walks: I still don't really get these. Or maybe I do but I don't trust the vehicles around me to respect the blinking signs. Also, and maybe most relevant, I feel deeply self-conscious waiting there at a busy intersection. Embarrassing. My response to this is to breezily drift down the road, maybe 50 or 100 yards or so, wait for traffic to abate, and then casually cross the street ..as if this had been my plan all along.


Feel free to list your weird embarrassments here.

[onawah]

I'm a little embarrassed to be the member of a forum with someone so coy and easily embarrassed, Mike.
(Just kidding! )

[Mark (Star Mariner)]

If we're talking about driving here...having the stereo up loud when stationary, especially when the window is down. In motion, I don't care, but when pulling up to a junction or traffic light, I'm compelled automatically to turn the volume down so as not to disturb passers by. I think it's more a self-conscious thing than embarrassment.

As an INFJ, I don't like to show off, I don't really like to be seen. Same goes for being heard. Like, if my phone rings in public, I'm sure as hell not answering it in earshot of anyone else. 1) My business is my business. 2) I don't want to hear someone else's personal phone call, so why would they want to hear mine?

[Mike]

Posted by Mark (Star Mariner) (here)
If we're talking about driving here...having the stereo up loud when stationary, especially when the window is down. In motion, I don't care, but when pulling up to a junction or traffic light, I'm compelled automatically to turn the volume down so as not to disturb passers by. I think it's more a self-conscious thing than embarrassment.

As an INFJ, I don't like to show off, I don't really like to be seen. Same goes for being heard. Like, if my phone rings in public, I'm sure as hell not answering it in earshot of anyone else. 1) My business is my business. 2) I don't want to hear someone else's personal phone call, so why would they want to hear mine?

You've just listed another one of mine. I always turn down the radio when stationary.

2 reasons:

1) it's obnoxious to make other people listen to your music.
2) I'm weirdly personal about my music. I only enjoy it in isolation. I don't want anyone knowing what I'm listening to, and I don't want to share the experience with them (for the most part)

[Mark (Star Mariner)]

Definitely 1). Not so much 2) for me. Because sometimes the impulse is strong to make especially young people hear my Queen, Dire Straits, or Led Zeppelin booming out the windows, because hey, that's real music jerkwad, not that auto-tuned crap that you've been spoon-fed all your life and been gaslit into believing is 'good'.

But I resist because of 1).

These days, social decorum is a dwindling formality, so I do what I can to sustain it.

[onawah]

This may turn out to be a kind of addendum to the INFJ thread, as INFJs are very empathic, and constanly concerned about how others are feeling.
(A lot of Avalonians are INFJs, in spite of the fact that INFJs make up less than 2% of the total population.) See:
https://projectavalon.net/forum4/sho...C+myers+briggs[

For example:

Posted by onawah (here)
WHY THE INFJ NEEDS TO START OFFENDING OTHERS
Wenzes - INFJ LIFE COACH
57.6K subscribers
17,282 views Apr 24, 2022

"INFJ Life Coach Lesson: So, you're an INFJ right? Congratulations! You need to start offending others and making them feel uncomfortable. Why do I think this is important for your personality type ? Well first of all let's be honest with ourselves - wanting to offend somebody is THE LAST THING we want to do...and therefore go out of our way NOT to do when it reality it would have just been a neccessary byproduct of us being ourselves."

Source: https://youtube.com/watch?v=zLoMkgJLi9k

QUOTE=Mark (Star Mariner);1666206]
As an INFJ, I don't like to show off, I don't really like to be seen. Same goes for being heard. Like, if my phone rings in public, I'm sure as hell not answering it in earshot of anyone else. 1) My business is my business. 2) I don't want to hear someone else's personal phone call, so why would they want to hear mine?

[Bluegreen]

Listening to the same song over and over

[RatRodRob...RRR]

Posted by Mark (Star Mariner) (here)
If we're talking about driving here...having the stereo up loud when stationary, especially when the window is down. In motion, I don't care, but when pulling up to a junction or traffic light, I'm compelled automatically to turn the volume down so as not to disturb passers by. I think it's more a self-conscious thing than embarrassment.

As an INFJ, I don't like to show off, I don't really like to be seen. Same goes for being heard. Like, if my phone rings in public, I'm sure as hell not answering it in earshot of anyone else. 1) My business is my business. 2) I don't want to hear someone else's personal phone call, so why would they want to hear mine?

Me too Mark, when driving along i used to have volume high, but if stopped at a set of lights i turn volume down, i feel like im drawing attention to my self cause when im stopped there can be others all around me for a full minute or two, all looking at me with blaring music, when im mobile they only see/hear me for a couple of seconds.

The exact same thing as sitting in a convertable at traffic lights, i feel so exposed sitting there with no roof or windows around to help conceal me.

My two most embarrassing moments are ...

1..Goin to the beach when about 18 yrs old to surf, i had never worn a wetsuit in my life and ide borrowed one from a mate, im on the crowded beach looking at the wetsuit tryin to figureout if the zipper went to the front or rear of me, i looked at other surfers and realized the zip goes to the rear of me.

I stand up and take my board shorts off, standing there in my underpants i start putting my left leg in the leg hole, was a bit tight but managed to get my leg in, start putting my other leg in but was really hard, was much tighter than the other leg, ended up falling over onto the sand where im now on my back tryin to stuff my other leg in, almost there i thought, then realize i had squeezed my right leg into the arm hole of the wetsuit, damn now im laying on my back with people all around me having a giggle as i desperately try to remove my leg from the arm hole, this was harder getting out than in and by now some were laughing while trying to hide it, stuff that, never wore a wetsuit again.

2..My usual barber was shut so i went to a hairdresser shop and asked if they cut blokes hair, she said yes so i made a booking for an hr later, i go back an hr later and the young lady showed me to a chair with a sink in front of it, Sink...what do i need a sink for...?, the sink had a half circle hole at the front, im thinking what am i sposed to do with that hole..?, i think to myself that my neck rests in the hole while my head is in the sink bit, then i think that some nitwit put the chair round the wrong way, so i turned the chair around so when im sitting the sink is in front of me.

So i see the lady hairdresser coming over so i stick my head in the sink with my neck in the hole and wait, then i hear giggling, what are the ladies giggling at, i wanna know whats so funny, then my hairdresser tells me to turn the chair back the other way so that the sink is behind me when im sitting now, she simply says "tilt your head back into the neck hole" and she proceeds to wash my hair before cutting it.
Never went to a hairdresser again, barber shops make more sense when your a bloke, just remembered another one...

3..Had my 21st birthday, i go to my moms and she gives me a present to unwrap, its a mechanical watch with hands and stuff, i love it, thanks mum.
I go to my Dads next, he has a present for me but before he hands it to me he asks me "what did your mum give you for 21st birthday" i said a watch, then i actually said...."its a mechanical watch, not one of those stupid bloody digital ones", then my dad chucks a box at me and says, "well ya better have this i spose".....twas a mechanical watch, i felt so bad and embarrassed, sorry Dad.

RRR

[Ernie Nemeth]

I learned about telegraphing while playing sports, mostly basketball. It made a big impression on me. I hadn't considered that others could tell what you intend by your body language.

I don't like to telegraph any intentions whatsoever. I will go to great lengths to make sure no one knows what I intend, to the point where I will not do as I intend if I think someone already knows what it might be. So if I mistakenly walk by a store I wished to enter but I missed the door, I will walk all around the block just so no one knows I made a mistake.

Same with emotions. No one knows what I'm thinking or feeling because I do not emote with my face or actions. I let no telltale signs give me away. This particular talent has left some dumbfounded and unsure how to proceed. Especially if I am being intimidated - and I should be intimidated - you would never know I am intimidated.

Right now I am dying to call my dentist to find out why they haven't replaced my missing front tooth that I asked for almost two months ago. But to do so would give away my embarrassment at having a missing front tooth. So I wait in silence - while practising smiling without lifting my top lip in front of the mirror.

Humans are so idiosyncratic...

[Mike]

Ha! Ernie I can relate to all of that..

And you reminded me of a time when i was visiting Long Beach and inadvertently walked into a gay cafe. True to form, I didn't realize it was a gay cafe until I'd been in there for maybe 10 mins or so.. even though the signs were literally everywhere. But I still sat there and finished my coffee, even though every cell in my body was begging me to walk out.

I'm not homophobic, but I'm also not gay, and I was uncomfortable with what my presence there implied. Plus I was young and handsome and fit, dressed in a tank top etc, and I didn't want to give any wrong impressions.

So I walk out of the gay cafe finally, and the exit forced me to walk thru a sort of outdoor patio/veranda area, filled with flamboyantly gay men. Gay men don't make me uncomfortable, but flamboyantly gay men do. So I hastily walked out of there and thoughtlessly took a left when I should have taken a right. Instead of correcting course and walking by the outdoor patio once again, I decided to take a longer detour home. I didn't want to walk by the patio full of flamboyantly gay dudes, yes, but I also didn't want anyone to think I'd made a mistake or that I was panicking (I was)...

So, i walked off, and perhaps I was imagining it but I felt a bunch of gay eyes burning into my ass, so once it became unbearable I spontaneously dashed into the nearest store (it was sort of an artsy district). It was kinda dark in there but once my eyes adjusted I realized I was in front of a wall of gay porn mags and a row of dildos roughly the size of thermoses. It was a gay porn shop

I can't recall what I did or said then exactly. But I know I still tried to play it off like I'd done it all on purpose. I think I asked the clerk for directions to the nearest gas station or something. And then I cooly walked out, doing my best to look like a man of purpose (a...ahem...straight man of purpose)

Re teeth: my friend Jay recently told me my teeth look like "a Moscow skyline". That was his way of calling them grey. They're not grey, but years of acidic supplements have stripped my teeth of enamel, giving them a kind of dull, milky appearance. Anyway, I catch myself smiling now and abort about midway thru, which looks twitchy and weird and only draws more attention..but I continue to do it anyway. Humans are so idiosyncratic indeed

[Mark (Star Mariner)]

Posted by Mike (here)
So, i walked off, and perhaps I was imagining it but I felt a bunch of gay eyes burning into my ass, so once it became unbearable I spontaneously dashed into the nearest store (it was sort of an artsy district). It was kinda dark in there but once my eyes adjusted I realized I was in front of a wall of gay porn mags and a row of dildos roughly the size of thermoses. It was a gay porn shop

Mate, that is hilarious!

Way back in my cruise ship days, we put in at Key West every thursday morning. It gave us two hours free-time off the ship. I spent mine downtown at my favourite bar, the Bull and Whistle. Why there? They sold draught beer, that's why. And by beer, I mean ale, British ale. It was the only venue at any port to stock real ale. Normally, all I got was Budweiser, or Heineken, or Corona. These are lagers, not ales. The two are as different as tea and coffee.

The goal of this short two-hour stopover was to down as many pints of Bass as reasonably possible, not an easy ask when they poured it ice-cold -- ale is meant to be served room temperature! I overlooked this barbarism because beggars can't be choosers. But understand, I'm no boozehound. I'm not and never have been a serious drinker. But I worked for a cruise line. I was at sea. And everyone at sea drinks. Everyone, repeat, everyone. It's the only way to cope with the 16 to 18-hour days, seven days a week, for months and months on end. 50% of the money I made went on bar bills. That's just life on a cruiseship.

Anyway, the Bull and Whistle. Here's a pic:


Looks the same now as it did then, thirty-plus years ago.

Every thursday between 11am and 1pm I stood at the bar downing my pints and chatting to the friendly barmaid. She wasn't my type though, kind of a tomboy. In fact, there were a few tomboys in there, and occasionally they gave me the side-eye. I was a Brit, from off the ship, and was only there for the beer. Maybe that's what drew their glance? I didn't care. I was on a personal mission: to get a buzz on, as strong as possible, before making my way back to the ship.

A couple of months into this routine I brought along a couple of pals. One was Jay, the ship's DJ, a native Floridian. Once, I did a road-trip with him and his girlfriend across State through the Everglades, and up to where he lived in Orlando. A really fun guy, he looked like Elvis! Anyway, I wanted to introduce him to British beer. First, we stopped in at the bank (another weekly errand), followed by the post office to send off our monthly mail. Then we went to the Bull and Whistle.

'Er, you know what this place is, right?' said Jay. 'Yeah...it's the pub,' I said. 'And the first round is on me.' 'Okay, no problem,' he replied. 'But this is a gay bar. In fact, pretty much all the bars along here are gay bars. You didn't know that?'

No Jay, old pal, I did not know that. I.did.not.know.that.at.all.

Call me naive, but it didn't occur to me once.

This one was particularly popular with lesbians.

The tomboy barmaid gave me a knowing wink and poured the first of our beers.

*
I too have nothing against gays, or gay bars. That I'd been drinking in one all this time was nothing more than just a fun fact. It certainly made Jay laugh out loud. But I continued to go in every Thursday morning, and I continued to always be welcome.

[Isserley]

I find all of this interesting and hilarious to read.
Until a few years ago, I was ashamed of absolutely everything (also INFJ personality) - from any kind of public appearances, speeches and even conversations in a company of more than three people.
All of that changed a few years ago when I had a child who pushed me completely out of my comfort zone. First during pregnancy where you have to go through an endless number of gynecological examinations which, believe me, are not pleasant at all, then the birth after which you no longer know about shame because you are fighting for your bare life. Then comes the baby and then the toddler who always finds a convenient way to embarrass you in public.
Guys, you don't know what you are missing

[Mike]

Great story Mark. And that sounds like a cool and fun way you spent your younger years. And that pub looks super cool. I dig the architecture of that old place. In fact it looks a lot like Hemingway's Key West house.

[Mike]

Posted by Isserley (here)
I find all of this interesting and hilarious to read.
Until a few years ago, I was ashamed of absolutely everything (also INFJ personality) - from any kind of public appearances, speeches and even conversations in a company of more than three people.
All of that changed a few years ago when I had a child who pushed me completely out of my comfort zone. First during pregnancy where you have to go through an endless number of gynecological examinations which, believe me, are not pleasant at all, then the birth after which you no longer know about shame because you are fighting for your bare life. Then comes the baby and then the toddler who always finds a convenient way to embarrass you in public.
Guys, you don't know what you are missing

Ha! Thanks for sharing Isserley. That's a very poignant point you're making there. I think neuroticism naturally wanes when you either give birth or become a parent. Because at it's heart it's really a form of self obsession I think. And who has time or energy for that when you're a parent (especially the mom!)

[Mike]

Posted by Bluegreen (here)
Listening to the same song over and over

For me it's only when I get caught listening to the same song over and over again.

My older sister would make fun of me for this, and it embarrassed me terribly every time. That might be why I'm so secretive about my music now, and only listen in private. Maybe I was scarred in some way by this

[Mike]

RatRodRob, those were hilarious! Particularly the surfing one. Had me giggling there! Reminded me of the time I got up from bed to answer the door and put my girlfriend's jeans on accidentally and ripped them up the back side, and went stumbling into the pizza guy as I tried to pay him.

Actually I take that back, I think your story about the barbershop was even funnier That's a gem, and it's precisely something I would do.

[Mike]

Posted by onawah (here)
This may turn out to be a kind of addendum to the INFJ thread, as INFJs are very empathic, and constanly concerned about how others are feeling.
(A lot of Avalonians are INFJs, in spite of the fact that INFJs make up less than 2% of the total population.) See:
https://projectavalon.net/forum4/sho...C+myers+briggs[

For example:

Posted by onawah (here)
WHY THE INFJ NEEDS TO START OFFENDING OTHERS
Wenzes - INFJ LIFE COACH
57.6K subscribers
17,282 views Apr 24, 2022

"INFJ Life Coach Lesson: So, you're an INFJ right? Congratulations! You need to start offending others and making them feel uncomfortable. Why do I think this is important for your personality type ? Well first of all let's be honest with ourselves - wanting to offend somebody is THE LAST THING we want to do...and therefore go out of our way NOT to do when it reality it would have just been a neccessary byproduct of us being ourselves."

Source: https://youtube.com/watch?v=zLoMkgJLi9k

QUOTE=Mark (Star Mariner);1666206]
As an INFJ, I don't like to show off, I don't really like to be seen. Same goes for being heard. Like, if my phone rings in public, I'm sure as hell not answering it in earshot of anyone else. 1) My business is my business. 2) I don't want to hear someone else's personal phone call, so why would they want to hear mine?

Interesting Nat, and certainly relevant. I always called it excessive agreeability. Same thing, same result..different name. And certainly an ingredient in this kind of pesky neuroticism I'm talking about here which often results in embarrassment where it normally wouldn't exist.

[Mike]

Buying lotto scratch-offs...it embarrasses me.

I always walk into the mini-mart knowing full well I'm going to buy one, but when I interact with the cashier I always act as if it were a spontaneous afterthought (Oh, ya know what? I'll take a #15 please?")

This rarely curbs my sense of embarrassment, but I insist on this little act anyway.

Returning to collect the winnings is just as embarrassing. I could write all day abstracting all the why's outta this, but it's not that kinda thread. But I will say this: I won $500 last week on a Monopoly scratch-off, and it took me 3 days to build up the courage to collect it.

[Johnnycomelately]

“Strangely embarrassed” is but a stepping stone on the path to full-on self deprecating humour, the best kind of humour. Chin up, aybody.

[Victoria]

This thread is heartwarming and very funny. You all are great! 😄

It's a relief to see there are other people who are embarrassed about being noisy. I'm not an INFJ (had to look that up), but I can relate to everyone here and love you guys! All my life, family and friends have seemed to be the most obnoxious, exhibitive and loud "look-look-look-at-us" people. I could swing with it in college, but it became too much, for too long and over the top. They always picked on me for being squirrely and secretive, to the point they monikered me, "Sneaks."

Standing close to anyone in a small space is something that also makes me uncomfortable. I love giving hugs to people and chatting as long as it's in greeting, or we're moving. If we're stopped in tight quarters though, I get silent and feel antsy pretty quick. Every blink, breath and movement feels embarrassing in that situation.